By Kim
As the episode begins, Tony and crew are still in hiding, Silvio is still in a coma (which he remains in at the end of the episode), and Phil is still in the wind. Phil tells Butchie he still wants Tony killed, despite Butchie's pleas for a more realistic endgame. Tony tries to get Agent Harris to spill where Phil is. At first, Harris refuses, but later, he tells Tony that Phil is making calls from a gas station in a nearby town. Tony arranges a sit-down with New York, minus Phil. Together, they agree that things have gone too far and call a truce. Tony asks for and gets money for Bobby's kids from New York; he also wants to know Phil's location. He doesn't get that, but Butchie says he won't stand in Tony's way if Tony finds Phil on his own. Walden shoots Phil as Phil is getting out of an SUV driven by his wife with his twin grandchildren in the back seat. Phil's wife freaks out and hops out of the SUV, which is in neutral, so the vehicle runs over dead Phil's head. Yikes.
On the home front, AJ is dating Rhiannon, and while they are parking one day, AJ manages to set some leaves on fire with his car, which explodes (after AJ and Rhiannon are safely outside). AJ decides he wants to join the Army and learn Arabic so he can be a liaison officer, and he also wants to be a helicopter pilot, and after his tour, he wants to work for Donald Trump and also become a CIA agent. I'm not kidding. Tony uses Little Carmine's film connections to offer AJ a job on a movie, which AJ accepts with little hesitation. Now that he has a job and regular sex, AJ seems to be back to his old self. Meadow is still hot and heavy with Patrick Parisi, and that seems to be heading towards marriage. She's also considering working at the same law firm as Patrick, defending politicians accused of corruption. Carmela is still working on her spec house.
Janice pretends to mourn Bobby, but is actually mourning his lost income. She visits Uncle Junior to try to squeeze money out of him, and Uncle Pat informs Tony. This gets Tony to pay one last visit to Uncle Junior, where he realizes that Uncle Junior is so far gone, he doesn't remember who he himself is, much less Tony or Bobby. Tony does insist that if Junior ever remembers where he stashed his money, it should go to Bobby's kids, and not to Janice.
Jason Gervasi gets arrested for drugs, and his father Carlo flips, presumably as part of a plea bargain. Tony's lawyer says that Tony can expect indictments soon, and it sounds serious. With Carlo gone, Tony offers Carlo's old crew to Paulie, who mulls it over and then says no, because he feels it's too dangerous. Tony says he'll just have to give it to Patsy then, and jealous Paulie changes his mind and accepts.
As the episode ends, the Soprano family heads to a local restaurant for a meal. It's very tense, as Tony looks up every time someone enters. First, he is joined by Carmela. AJ follows soon after. They make small talk while they wait for Meadow, who is having a hell of a time parallel parking outside. Various suspicious-looking characters enter the restaurant, ratcheting up the tension. Finally, Meadow gets her car parked and runs across the street. She throws open the door to the restaurant and...black screen. The End. Same as it ever was.
So let's recap the situation from the episode. Phil declared war on New Jersey, and as a result, Bobby got whacked and Silvio is in the hospital in a coma, from which he is unlikely to recover. Melfi broke up with Tony, and now Tony and the remains of his crew are hiding out in a safe house while Carmela and the kids are hiding out elsewhere. Tony wants to whack Phil to end the war, but Phil's also in hiding. So it's a waiting game.
Tony wakes up in a bed in the safe house. Many episodes this season have started with Tony waking up in bed; I guess it's the new "Tony walks down the driveway in his robe and grabs the paper." Some time has passed since the episode, because the bed previously had a bare mattress, and now it has sheets and pillowcases. Tony's giant gun is leaning on the dresser to the bed, so he's still being fairly vigilant.
Tony and Paulie sit in a cargo van that reads "Steinholz Beverage" on the side. They're parked near the airport, listening to the oldies station. Are they going to start making out? As an airplane lands in front of them, Paulie complains about how long they've been waiting for Godot or whomever they're waiting for. Tony tells him to relax. A car pulls up nearby and the headlights shine on Tony's face. Tony looks both menacing and anxious somehow, and then he gets out and walks toward the car. After an interminably long (it seems to the viewer) walk, Tony opens the car door and gets in. Who's in the CAR? If you (like me) have a vivid imagination and have been anticipating this episode for a long time, every scene will kill you. There's tension in every scene. Anyway, guess who's in the car? Agent Harris. He's in a bad mood and reveals to Tony that they had to investigate some possible terrorist activity at the airport with no results; it could have been bad information, or it could have been someone testing the FBI's response to a particular situation. Tony is taken aback at how common Harris indicates this type of thing is, and he wonders if maybe AJ is right with his conspiracy theories. Harris's wife (I guess?) calls, and they argue about Harris's late hours and when he'll be home for dinner. After Harris hangs up, Tony explains that he remembered that their Arab friends had a bank account at a particular bank. Harris doubts that Tony just remembered that, since Tony probably held back the information until he needed something from Harris. Tony shows his true colors when he asks if Harris has heard anything from his friend in Brooklyn about Phil's whereabouts. Harris chuckles, but he either doesn't know anything or doesn't want to tell Tony.
Tony and his driver, Dante, pull up to Carmela's newest purchase, where she and the kids are hiding out. It's a small cottage near the ocean -- kind of ironic since Tony and Carmela talked about one day buying a shore house for themselves, and now Carmela has gone and bought one to line her own coffers. The anticipation builds as Tony walks to the door and opens it, only to find Meadow and Carmela inside. Meadow rushes out, explaining that she has to meet Patrick in the city. I'm surprised they let Meadow and Patrick hang out in New York together, given that they are both children of made men in enemy territory. I know Tony said they don't go after family, but times change. After their daughter leaves, Tony and Carmela hug and kiss. Carmela wearily sits down and brings up an odor in the house that they've clearly discussed before, and Tony tries to downplay the problem. So "odor" equals "threat of imminent death" in this situation, right? Carmela rubs her forehead and says in a pinched voice, "I've GOT to get home." Tony touches her cheek and promises that he's working on it. He grabs an orange and peels it. Well, now the writers are just messing with us. Carmela says that she went to see Silvio, with the implication that things are not good. Tony hears something on the stairs and looks up to see AJ unlocking the front door so Rhiannon can leave. Carmela says the whole situation bothers her, but Tony seems sort of proud of his son and is sure Rhiannon won't tell anyone. Tony comments on the girl to AJ, who claims that they're just friends. Tony responds sarcastically, "I know. Nice work." AJ explains that Rhiannon is only a junior in high school (!) and has quit modeling because she's tired of being exploited. Tony orders AJ to attend Bobby's funeral on Thursday. AJ reminds him that they're supposed to be keeping a low profile, and Carmela recites, "There's always a large FBI presence." AJ rolls his eyes and walks out. Carmela reminds Tony that AJ was different when he was with Blanca. Yeah, more pussywhipped and less of a communist.
The Feds watch Bobby's funeral on monitors. Moments later, the attendees are digging into the food like it's their last meal. It's good to see that they're not too grief-stricken to eat. I guess it's just more of the message of the episode (in my opinion): people don't change, and life goes on. What're you gonna do? The camera pans down the row to show that everyone is there; Carlo in particular is excited about the roast pork after his son, Jason, points it out to him.
Most of the younger crowd (Meadow and Patrick, the two Jasons, Bobby's kids, AJ, some other randoms) sits around a table and talks about American Idol. Because we, as a culture, are getting dumber due to reality television. Am I right? Or am I AJ? Paulie stands nearby, looking a bit lost, and Meadow invites him to join them. Paulie sits down and checks out the young lady (probably nineteen or twenty?) seated to him, who introduces herself as "Tara Ziccone, Bobby's niece." Paulie pats her on the hand and practically pulls her into his lap. Instead, he unzips his pants and lets his belly hang out. Sexy. Paulie philosophizes about life and death and says that he's "lost two dear friends." One of the Jasons says that Sil's hanging on, and Paulie says sharply, "I lost Ma last month! You can take 2007 and give it back to the Indians." Patsy and his wife wave their son Jason over -- hey, his wife is Donna "Angie" Pescow! I mentioned that to my husband (who is one year younger than me) and he had no clue what I was talking about. Saturday Night Fever? Nothing. He is so culturally deprived. Anyway, AJ goes off on a rant about how everyone is living in a dream and goes on to quote "Yeets." Heh. I love when the writers undermine AJ's stupid rants. AJ starts explaining to everyone how Bush let Al-Qaeda escape. Jason Gervasi suggests that they enlist and kill some terrorists. Instead of looking annoyed, everyone at the table just looks kind of worried about AJ, especially Meadow. AJ continues, "It's like, America. It's still where people come to make it. It's a beautiful idea. And then what do they get? Bling? Come-ons for shit they don't need and can't afford?" I missed the part where someone is holding a gun to these poor people's heads and forcing them to buy things they can't afford. Tara Ziccone doesn't get it, and Paulie explains, "The framus intersects with the ramistan approximately at the paternoster." In other words, nonsense. Paulie represents the viewer who has no patience for all my symbolism mumbo-jumbo. Sometimes I am that viewer.
The guys hang out at the safe house and watch The Twilight Zone. Who let Carlo pick the channel again? The characters in the episode are talking about the television business, and one character says, "The television industry today is looking for talent. They're preoccupied with talent and quality, and the writer is a major commodity." Was that a swipe at the industry? Or a plea for the show's writers to get work now that the show is over? Or just a tip of the cap to the staff? One of the crew walks in and hands Tony an envelope, warning him that it's light. Tony and Benny continue playing cards, as Benny bitches about how bored he is hanging out in the safe house. Tony puts his leftovers on the floor and calls over an orange cat, a stray they've taken in. Patsy walks in and hands over another light envelope, explaining that a lot of his customers are taking their action to New York. Carlo theorizes that New York is taking advantage of a "power vacuum." Walden noisily walks in the front door, causing Dante to pull a gun on him. Carlo invites Tony to join them in visiting Sil at the hospital, and Tony declines with a lame excuse. He grabs his giant gun and trudges up the stairs. Benny complains that Tony used his gout as an excuse last time, so Tony hasn't been to visit Silvio yet.
In Manhattan, a tour bus rolls down the street as the guide explains that Little Italy used to encompass forty square blocks, but is now only one row of shops and restaurants. Butchie is standing outside one of those restaurants when Phil calls and says he wants to do their business over the phone instead of in person. Butchie keeps talking while walking and explains that no one knows where Tony is. Phil castigates Butchie for not taking care of the situation already. Butchie gently broaches the subject of reaching out to Tony instead of killing him. Phil is having no part of that. Butchie gets the message: whack Tony yesterday, or live in fear. Butchie hangs up and looks around, realizing he's walked out of Little Italy and into Chinatown without noticing. Things look unfamiliar, and he seems disoriented -- I think you catch the symbolism there.
Dante leans on the van outside the former Sack house, smoking. Tony sneaks up the back stairs of the house to the deck, where he finds Janice sitting dejectedly on a lounge chair in her winter coat and scarf. Tony offers her some pastry, and Janice says, "I need to watch my weight. I need to snag another husband." She and Tony take a beat, and then chuckle. Janice says that only a Soprano family member would get that she was joking, and they reminisce about how Tony basically called his sister a whore, and Bobby got mad. Tony asks what happens now. Janice says that Bobby Jr. wants to live with his aunt, but Nica loves Sophia, so Janice wants Sophia to stay. Sure, why not take the only immediate family member that Bobby Jr. and Sophia have left away? They've already lost their mother and their father. Actually, Janice says, "Sophia's out of her mind if she thinks she's getting out of this house." Are we talking chains in the basement or what? Lotion in the basket? Tony wonders if she's still joking, and Janice starts crying and says she'd like to give it a shot with Bobby's kids, because that's what Bobby would've wanted. Janice thinks she and Sophia have a bond, and she concludes, "I've had therapy. I'm a good mother. I put Ma and all of her warped shit behind me." See? People never change. Janice is still delusional and weirdly overly optimistic. Tony goes along with it, and he even suggests that she bring her son Harpo down to live with her. Janice just says that Harpo changed his name to Hal and then turns her face away, dismissing Tony. He reminds her to call if she needs anything.
As Tony walks back to the van, his phone rings. It's Agent Harris, who says quietly that Phil's calls are coming from a pay phone in Oyster Bay. Agent Harris is lying on a bed in a cheap motel room, and damn, dude has a hairy chest. And stomach. And that's as far as I'm going to go, because I don't want to know any more about Agent Harris, including his first name or his manscaping needs. Harris hangs up the phone quickly when a woman, another FBI agent, walks out of the bathroom. She looks pissed. I'm guessing she's his friend in Brooklyn, and he got the info from her, and she realizes now that she was used. It's not like motel bathroom doors are so thick that you can't hear through them. Also, Agent Harris is kind of turning into Tony with the domestic arguments and the affairs.
Benny and Walden stake out a gas station in Oyster Bay, watching the pay phone.
AJ and Rhiannon are parked in the woods, listening to Bob Dylan's "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)" on AJ's SUV stereo. This is apparently the first time AJ has heard of Bob Dylan, and Rhiannon (who must have a hippie mom, seriously) says that it's like the lyrics are about today's current events. Yeah, maaaaan. Turn it up. They stare at each other for a minute, but AJ fails to make a move. Rhiannon puts out her cigarette and they stare at each other again. AJ worries that they're about to make a mistake, but he makes a move anyway, and they start making out. Rhiannon climbs over and straddles AJ as he sits in the driver's seat. Items of clothing are removed. Unbeknownst to AJ and Rhiannon, smoke starts coming in through the vents. I thought Rhiannon dropped her cigarette into the SUV's hood somehow. Finally, AJ notices the flames spewing from the front of the SUV and sits up. They hustle out of the SUV and down a ravine. AJ yells, "I parked in leaves!" as the SUV goes up in flames. AJ notes that at least his gas tank was practically empty, so of course, the entire truck explodes like seconds later. Damn. AJ really needed to get laid. That's too bad.
Cut to Tony screaming at AJ as Meadow and Carmela stand by and glare. Tony reminds AJ that he told him time and time again to be careful where he parks due to "the catalytic converter and the dry vegetation." AJ says numbly that he didn't see the leaves. Carmela says, "If there was children playing in those leaves, you'd have run them over?" WHAAAAAAAAT? Talk about a non sequitur. How does her mind work? I still don't know. AJ's response is classic: "I...guess?" Meadow tries to defend AJ and gets some screams from Tony for her trouble. She stands up and calls Tony "Mr. Fat Mouth" and leaves the house. Real mature, Meadow. See? People never change. AJ goes into his big victim speech about how he's depressed and he can't be arsed to look for piles of leaves. Carmela tells AJ he's not getting another SUV. AJ looks on the bright side and says he'll be forced to take the bus, because "we have to break our dependence on foreign oil." Tony and Carmela are stunned into silence at that one. First of all, I would die to see ONE SCENE of AJ on a public bus. And second, how do the actors not laugh when AJ spouts out such crap?
As the Feds listen in and record, Tony calls George. I'm still not sure who George is, other than a retired wiseguy. Anyway, Tony asks George, who is a neutral party, to reach out to Little Carmine and arrange a sit-down between New York and New Jersey. Since everyone trusts him, George agrees to supply a neutral location and guarantee everybody's safety. Where is Tony calling from? Is his phone tapped? Or is George's?
A garage-style door opens in a warehouse and an SUV drives in. Paulie and Tony get out and are patted down. Tony shakes hands with George, who tells him that the representatives from New York are there, and they've been patted down too. Tony and Paulie sit down at a table with Butchie, Albie, and Little Carmine. George offers everyone a bottled water. Aw. George went out and got snacks for the occasion. I love George.
Cut to Butchie complaining that they didn't start it, and Phil's goomar is dead. Cut to Tony deciding that Johnny Sack was insecure and created constant tension in his Family. Tony urges Carmine to speak. Carmine says it didn't have to be this way. Butchie agrees that things have gone too far, and that Phil has changed. Has he? Or has he reverted back to who he was before? Because people don't change. Butchie agrees to call off the dogs; Tony wants a location on Phil. Butchie looks at Carmine and says he can't do it, but he won't prevent Tony from doing what he has to do, and presumably there won't be any retaliation if Tony does whack Phil. Tony has one last bit of business: he wants financial compensation for Bobby's death. Butchie agrees to come up with a number, and they shake hands on it. That was quick. I mean, there were a lot of cuts, so clearly the guys were there for a while, talking, but as a scene, it happened quickly. That's all it took? One sit-down? I guess many deaths, lots of fear and intimidation, and one sit-down. Butchie just seemed to flip awfully quickly, but I guess you could make the case that he didn't really want to kill Tony, and that he knew Phil was bloodthirsty, and he was scared that Phil would kill him instead. Plus, maybe Butchie wants to be boss? Everyone shakes hands all around and walks away; there's a beautiful shot of the table and empty chairs under a spotlight in the middle of the warehouse symbolizing...something, I'm sure. The end of an era?
The Sopranos move back into their home. Tony is carrying a canned ham. Good thing he grabbed that on the way out the door. You never know when you'll need a canned ham, especially since, from what we saw, the guys in the safe house ate takeout every night.
The guys are back at Satriale's, eating subs. Paulie comes in with a box of barber scissors for everyone. Is that a sign that business is still not good? Paulie used to walk in with VCRs or designer shoes. Now he's got high-end scissors? The orange cat from the safe house hops up on the table, and Walden explains that they brought him along. Paulie is disgusted and says that cats are "snakes with fur," and he repeats the old wives' tale that cats steal the breath from babies. Tony gives the cat a reprieve by saying he's a good guy, and Paulie looks pissed. Aw. That's a cute cat.
Paulie and another guy drive by yet another gas station, looking for pay phones to stake out.
Janice and her nanny take Domenica to Uncle Junior's new digs: a state facility. Janice leaves the baby with the nanny and walks into the room where Uncle Junior is sitting with a visitor, Uncle Pat. Junior thinks Janice is Livia. Janice corrects him and shows Junior a picture of Nica. He looks at the photo and thinks it's a picture of Janice. He says, "Sweet as she looks, she left my stove on on purpose, put the flame out with a wet dishrag. I caught her." I know David Chase is probably tired of this world by now, but I really want a prequel to the show. That scene is already written! He only needs, like, two more hours of material! Janice gingerly approaches...okay, she doesn't gingerly approach. She just blurts out, "Bobby's dead." Junior thinks she's talking about Bobby Kennedy and says, "Ambassador Hotel." Janice explains that she means Bobby Baccalieri, and sobs, "I'm a widow now." Well, at least it's not all about Janice.
Satriale's. Uncle Pat tells Tony that Janice is after Uncle Junior's money. Tony has no interest in Junior's problems, and in fact would be happy if Junior rotted in the state facility.
AJ visits a female counselor who is clearly the blonde version of Melfi, right down the legs crossed at the knee and soft voice. AJ says he can't get a job because he doesn't have a car, so he needs to get a bus schedule. Yeah, they keep those under lock and key. Really tough to find, those bus schedules. AJ adds that he feels cleansed somehow. Not Melfi suggests he was happy to see the SUV go because of its environmental impact, but AJ almost giggles and says the huge fireball was actually pretty cool, and he narrowly escaped death. Boys love when shit blows up.
Paulie walks into the empty Bing during off-duty hours. He yells for Carlo, who doesn't respond. I was so sure this was a setup, and Paulie was about to get ambushed. Paulie goes into the back room and calls Tony to tell him Carlo didn't show up for their meeting with Butchie, and he's not answering his phones. Tony's face falls and he says he'll call back on a clean phone. Paulie's phone rings ("Cecelia" by Paul Simon – did Paulie and I go to college together?) and Tony asks what Paulie thinks happened. Paulie suspects that Butchie whacked Carlo. Tony waits until Carmela is out of the room and says that Carlo might have flipped. Paulie connects the dots and says that Jason Gervasi, Carlo's son, got arrested yesterday for selling ecstasy. So the idea is that Carlo flipped to cut a deal for his son, yeah? Maybe Tony should have been nicer to him when he wanted to talk about The Twilight Zone.
Carmela walks into Meadow's room and finds her talking to her old friend, Hunter. Carmela greets Hunter warmly and wants to catch up. Hunter jokes that she was kicked out of college for partying too much, and then reveals that she's cleaned up her act and she's now in her second year of medical school. Carmela's face falls, and she quickly tells Meadow that the Parisi family will be there soon and practically runs out of the room. Ha! I still don't get why medical school is so much better than law school, but whatever. Carmela's inability to disguise her disappointment was funny.
Tony and Carmela visit with Patsy and Mrs. Patsy Parisi (Donna Pescow! I know I already mentioned that), along with Meadow and Patrick. I guess this is the parents sort of putting their stamp of approval on the relationship. Mrs. Parisi tries to tell a joke, but she totally screws it up, so Patsy tells it for her and everyone chuckles politely. Tony asks about Jason Parisi, and Mrs. Patsy says she didn't think he was invited. Carmela says that she didn't think he'd be interested in wedding talk. When did Meadow and Patrick get engaged? Did I miss that? Tony won't leave it alone, and wants to talk about Jason Gervasi. Patsy and his wife agree that Jason G. is a mess, and Tony lightens the mood by saying there's no shortage of lawyers in the room, should he need one. Carmela tells Tony that Patsy needs a refill. Not used to being served by Tony, Patsy goes to fill his own glass, but Tony won't let him. Mrs. Parisi subtly checks the bottom of the china. Nice character detail. I'm kind of sad this is the only episode she'll ever be in, and I wonder why she never got the nod to hang out with Carmela's crew. Tony ribs Meadow for only taking on charity law cases. Patrick reveals that his boss talked to Meadow about working for them when she finished law school, and was talking about a starting salary of $170,000. The dude must know she's Tony's daughter; who offers someone a job at a top law firm when they've barely started law school? Patrick dishes about their current case, where they're defending a government official accused of corruption. Carmela's smile fades as she realizes that Meadow would be getting involved the same life Tony and Carmela worked so hard to shelter her from, in many ways.
At Satriale's, the orange cat is staring at the photo of Christopher on the wall. Walden tells Paulie that the cat does that all the time. Paulie is freaked out. Walden keeps talking about cats, and how they're weird. Paulie orders Walden to get rid of the cat, and then picks up a broom himself to whack the cat or something. But Tony walks in, so Paulie pretends he was just sweeping the floor. Ha! Paulie fills Tony in on the cat's behavior, like Tony doesn't have bigger fish to fry. He asks Walden to leave for a minute, but first Paulie asks why an Italian dude is named Walden. He says he was named after Bobby Darin: "Walden Robert Cassotto." I guess that's Bobby Darin's real name; I thought it was Walden's real name, and I was very confused because I thought his last name was Belfiore. Which it is. Anyway, Paulie and Tony sit down. Tony asks Paulie to take over the Cifaretto crew now that Carlo is "absent." Tony says it's a ton of money, but Paulie doesn't seem very excited. Paulie asks if he can mull it over a little and claims he doesn't want to die and leave Tony in lurch again. He reminds Tony, "I had the prostate." Tony agrees to let Paulie think it over, but he looks annoyed and slightly confused. Paulie walks outside and looks deeply troubled.
One of Tony's guys pretends to be an injured cop and questions a convenience store worker if he's seen Phil. The guy says they don't have any pay phones.
Tony drives home and spots AJ jogging down the street. Tony starts singing the "Rocky" theme and urges AJ to get in the car. Tony is pleased to see AJ out and about, exercising. AJ drops the bomb that he's going to join the Army. The what? That's pretty much Tony's reaction, too. Tony asks if he signed anything yet. AJ says he plans to after he deals with his girlfriend. Tony asks if he wants to get sent to Iraq. AJ wants to go to Afghanistan, and he thinks the Army will be good for his career. Tony channels the viewers: "You don't have a career!" AJ explains that he wants to be a helicopter pilot and then work for Donald Trump. Tony just sputters and fumes for a minute, and he finally orders AJ not to tell his mother or sign anything just yet. Cut to Tony telling Carm, who's trying to relax in the tub, that AJ is going to join the Army.
Cut to AJ's therapist's office. Tony and Carmela are talking to Not Melfi about AJ's plans. Tony is happy to see AJ making future plans, but he doesn't think the Army is a great idea. Tony does think AJ could benefit from the discipline. Carmela would agree if we weren't currently at war. She adds that AJ spent $200 on CDs to learn Arabic. Where did he get that money? I'm fascinated by people over the age of sixteen whose parents just hand over money for any whim. ["Or, really, even people under the age of sixteen." -- Miss Alli] Tony thinks the only Arabic anyone needs to know is "shish kebab." The therapist says AJ wants to focus his hate on the terrorists, and she can't say more. Tony starts going off on therapy, and then talks about his mother and his childhood as Carmela rolls her eyes. Because people never change. They never change! I don't know if you got that.
Tony and Meadow have dinner together in a restaurant. Tony says he knows Meadow will be married soon, and they won't be able to have dinners like this. Because married women aren't allowed to have dinner with their fathers? I have dinner alone with my dad all the time. It's awesome. He usually pays. Hey, did I just undermine my assertion in the paragraph about how people shouldn't accept money from their parents? Um, let's move on. Tony wonders what Meadow thinks about AJ's plans, and Meadow says that she agrees that the world is fucked up. Tony wonders why she dropped her plans to be a doctor, then, because she could do some good there. Meadow is annoyed that her father still doesn't get why she's into law. She explains that she wants to prevent the state from crushing the individual, and that she was truly inspired by seeing how Tony was treated when he was arrested. Otherwise, she'd be "a boring surburban doctor." Tony looks crestfallen, because that's exactly what he wanted for Meadow, and he now realizes that he's the reason it won't happen. Eh, wait a week. Meadow's not exactly known for sticking to her guns when it comes to decision-making.
Phil and his wife Patty pull into a gas station with Phil's twin grandchildren in the back seat. Phil waves goodbye to the babies (who look like they're under a year old and should probably be rear-facing, but that makes me realize that I have too many friends with infants) and gets out of the SUV to make a call. He leans in the passenger window to give Patty instructions about the prescription she's about to pick up. As he talks, a hand holding a gun comes into frame and Phil is shot in the head. Patty starts screaming and gets out of the SUV without putting it in park and starts running around like a chicken with her head cut off, squawking. Walden, the shooter, puts another bullet in Phil's chest and then takes off in a car. Patty has not only left the SUV in drive, but she locked the keys inside. And the babies are in there. She starts pounding on the window as the SUV rolls forward slowly. A guy runs up and tries to help her as a crowd of teenagers watches in horror. The SUV rolls forward, right over Phil's head, which we hear but do not see. The captioning reads, "Head squishes, pops. Patty wails." That's about as accurate a description as you'll get. One of the teens watching pukes all over the place. Oh, Phil. I thought you deserved a more dignified and honorable death.
In his office, Agent Harris watches some Al Jazeera footage. His partner walks in and informs Harris that Phil Leotardo got whacked. Agent Harris excitedly pounds the desk and says, "Damn! We're gonna win this thing!" Looks like someone is identifying a little too much with his prey. Or former prey.
Tony and Carmela sit at the dining room table. AJ joins them. Carmela carefully starts out by explaining that they don't want him to join the Army. AJ says condescendingly, "This country is in a crisis." Carmela asks what good AJ will be (only in nicer words), and AJ says he could join the CIA afterwards. Tony wonders what happened to the helicopter pilot idea. AJ brings up that Tony wanted him to go to military school, and Carmela says she was always opposed to that. Now AJ claims that he wants to be an officer, and Carmela points out that he had terrible grades and flunked out of college. AJ gets pissed and accuses his mother of being dramatic when she claims he'll get his legs blown off. I thought he watched the news? Lots of injured and dead soldiers on there every night. I don't know that Carm is being a drama queen in this one instance. Tony asks what Rhiannon thinks. AJ admits that she's against it too. Carmela decides it's time to play the trump card (but not the Trump card). She brings up how AJ used to want to own a club, and he has a lot of friends in film school. Tony chimes in that he has a script from Daniel Baldwin, and it's "about a private detective that gets sucked into the internet through his, uh, data port?" Sounds awesome. Tony explains that Little Carmine is interested in developing the film. When AJ says that Carmine only produces porn, Tony reminds him of Cleaver. Carmela says that AJ could be a development executive on the project. AJ looks intrigued. Tony says that once AJ has some real-world experience, Tony might help set him up with a club. And...there go AJ's strongly-held convictions.
Tony's lawyer visits the Bing for lunch and explains what's going on. Someone is giving testimony to the Feds, and subpoenas are flying. Tony thinks it's Carlo has flipped, but the lawyer says they don't know for sure. What the lawyer does know is that there's an eighty to ninety percent chance that Tony will be indicted, and if Carlo is the one talking, Tony could go down for the gun charge, interstate fraud, and even homicide. Throughout his calm recitation of Tony's nightmare, the lawyer keeps hitting the bottom of the ketchup bottle to get some out. Hit it on the 57! That's how you get the ketchup out! Works every time. Tony gets frustrated and grabs the ketchup bottle himself, slamming it on the table. The lawyer reminds Tony that they planned for this, and they could win at trial.
Hospital. Silvio lies in his hospital bed, unconscious, hooked up to tubes. Gab tends to his feet. Tony wanders in and gives Gab a hug. She walks out to give him some privacy. Silvio's pompadour has fallen! Maybe Gab should work her magic on that, instead of clipping the toenails. Tony stares at the television, which is showing Little Miss Sunshine, and then leans forward and grabs Silvio's hand. And...series wrap for Little Stevie.
Tony and Paulie sit outside Satriale's, getting some sun. Tony asks if Paulie has come to a decision about taking over the Cifaretto crew, and Paulie says he's going to pass, because he thinks the crew is cursed, since all of its captains have died. Tony can't believe that Paulie is going to "deny [himself] life-changing money" and the opportunity to leave his niece with MS some nice cash. Tony compares this superstition to Paulie's feelings about the cat, who is probably just staring at the wall because a rat died back there. Paulie claims they moved the photo around and the cat moved too, and Tony theorizes it's probably "the abstract shapes." Tony brings up how his gambling luck has gotten better since Christopher died, and Paulie points out that's an example of being superstitious too. Paulie decides it's time to reveal that time at the Bing when he saw the Virgin Mary. Tony pretends to be empathetic, but then says sarcastically that they could have built a shrine and made billions selling holy water. He advises, "I'm not saying there's nothing out there, Paulie. But to not live your life? What the fuck are you gonna do?" Tony appeals to Paulie's competitive nature and says he'll just give Patsy the job, since he's going to be family and all. Paulie looks slightly amused and calls Tony a prick, adding, "You always know what to say to me, don't you?" Paulie thinks for a minute and then says, "I live but to serve you, my liege." Tony claps him on the shoulder and walks off. Paulie looks worried, and picks his sun reflector back up. The cat walks over and lies down near him, enjoying the sun as well.
AJ walks out of a building with a script under his arm, talking on the phone. He explains that he's not taking public transportation, but he also refused to let his parents buy him another SUV. So instead, he got a BMW. He gets in and revs the engine, then tears off to pick up his girlfriend from high school.
Carmela walks downstairs and finds AJ and Rhiannon watching TV and laughing. Carmela says that they aren't eating at home tonight, and are going out instead. She glances over some artist's renderings of interiors for her new house.
Outside, Tony sweeps off the patio. He scans the sky. Looking for ducks? Carmela comes out and tells Tony that they're eating at Holsten's. Tony promises to meet them there.
Tony goes to the state facility to visit Uncle Junior. He stands outside his room for a while, unable to enter. Finally, he walks in and their eyes meet. Junior doesn't recognize Tony at first, but then offers up, "We used to play catch." Tony wonders if Junior remembers shooting him. Junior just looks away. Tony gets mad and says, "I'm Anthony! Johnny's son!" Tony sits down so he's face-to-face with Junior and says that Pat came to see him about Janice and the money. Junior says people keep asking him about that, and he doesn't know. He adds, "There's a man from another galaxy that came here." Ha! His accountant. Tony declares that any money should go to Bobby's kids, and Janice might not make that happen, but Bobby was a made guy. Junior seems confused. Tony says Junior should tell Pat where the money is and Tony will hold it for the kids. He asks if Junior remembers Bobby, and Junior says brightly, "Sure!" He clearly has no clue what Tony is talking about or who Tony is. Tony realizes this and his demeanor softens, and he looks sad as he asks, "Remember Johnny? Johnny Boy? Your kid brudder?" Junior gives him a blank look. Tony whispers, "This thing of ours." Junior asks, "I was involved with that?" Tony answers, "You and my dad. You two ran North Jersey." Junior responds, "Well, that's nice." Tony smiles faintly, pleased to have made a connection at last. Junior goes back to staring out the window, and Tony gets up and quickly walks out of the building.
Tony walks into Holsten's, which is bustling with people, but not his family. As a viewer, you know that there's only a few minutes left in the episode, so the tension is rising. How will it all end? Will Tony get whacked? Will his family? Will Tony get arrested? Will they all go into Witness Protection? Whatever's going to happen, it's all going to happen in the few moments. Tony sits in a booth and flips through the mini-jukebox on the table, browsing the selections until he finds one he likes. The bell on the door rings and Tony looks up, but it's only a single woman he doesn't know. He continues looking at the jukebox. The bell rings again, and Tony looks up. A redneck-looking dude in a plaid shirt and hunting vest walks in, and Tony relaxes. He puts money into the jukebox and punches in his selection. The bell rings again, and Carmela walks in just as Tony's song starts up: "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. I have to be honest here – I teared up a little because Journey was my late mother's favorite band and I took her to her first rock concert to see them, and this was her favorite song. So for personal reasons, this song has a lot of emotional impact for me, and call it cheese, but I bet a lot of people around my age have memories that revolve around this song.
Tony tosses a menu by Carmela's spot. Nearby, a young couple snuggles and shares an order of fries; in the back, a group of cub scouts hangs out in a booth. The quick shots of the other people in the restaurant serve as a reminder that Tony needs to be ever-vigilant. Even though the war with New York is over, there are still people out there who want Tony dead. Or imprisoned. Tony and Carmela greet each other with fond smiles. Carmela asks what looks good tonight, and Tony asks where AJ is. Carmela says he's on his way, and that Meadow is too, because she had to go to the doctor. Tony looks up sharply at that, and Carmela explains that she's going to switch birth control. Like stop taking birth control? Did Tony need that information? Carmela asks if Tony talked to his lawyer, and Tony says that Carlo is going to testify. Carmela has been around long enough to know what this means, and she looks briefly upset, but doesn't go into hysterics. As with Christopher's death, and when Tony told her they had to go into hiding, you can see the wheels turning in Carmela's brain as she rearranges her future plans to accommodate this new piece of information.
The bell rings again. A shady-looking guy in a Members Only jacket walks in, with AJ right behind him. Shady Guy goes to the counter. AJ sits down, and Tony hands him a menu. Shady Guy glances over at the Sopranos. An FBI agent trying to eavesdrop? A potential hit man trying to figure out when to make his move? Or just a curious bystander? Outside, Meadow pulls up and tries to parallel park, but hits the curb. She pulls forward to try again. She hits the curb again. She pulls forward again.
The waitress brings the Sopranos their drinks. The couple in the corner giggles. Shady Guy glances over at Tony again. The tension builds every time the bell on the door rings because of the heavy expectations of the last minutes of the last episode of the series. Carmela asks AJ how work's going, and he complains about the menial tasks he does. Carmela says he's making contacts for the future, and Tony agrees. AJ reminds Tony that he told them to "try to remember the times that were good," which I think is a reference to the final scene of the first season, but my memory fails and I haven't seen that episode in a long time. Tony doesn't remember saying it, but adds that he thinks it's true.
Meadow is still parallel parking. STILL. Couldn't AJ have been the bad parallel parker? Shady Guy stands up and walks toward the Sopranos' table. Tony glances up, sees no threat, and looks back at his menu. Shady Guy passes them by and heads into the men's room. Meanwhile, a couple of African-American young men walk in the front door. The waitress brings by a basket of onion rings, which Tony explains that he ordered for the table. They all take one and pop it into their mouths whole, like a communion wafer. Meadow has finally parked, and she hustles across the street. Inside, her family studies the menus and eats onion rings. The bell on the door rings one last time. Tony looks up. Journey sings, "Don't stop!" And the screen goes black. For ten seconds. And then the credits flash on the screen with no background music.
And then all hell broke loose, as people argued over whether the ending was genius, or a cop-out. And whether Tony lived or died. And whether David Chase is a mastermind, or an idiot. I don't think it's that black and white. I don't think it was a cop-out, but I have also always been annoyed with how David Chase seems to view his audience, or at least a large segment of his audience. But my first thought (after I figured out that the ending wasn't a DVR malfunction) was something I've said throughout this recap, and something I think has been a theme of the entire show: People don't change, and life goes on. Look at where the characters that survived through this episode ended up relative to where they were when we first met them. Janice is still selfish and deluded and kind of evil, despite her relationships, despite having a (second) child, and despite her anger management therapy. Paulie is still a competitive, short-fused, superstitious man, even after having cancer and losing his aunt and mother. Meadow and AJ are still pampered, privileged children. Carmela is still married to a man she knows to be a philanderer and a criminal and a murderer, and pretends she doesn't know. She still accepts his money and the lifestyle he provides for her, even though she knows it's blood money. And Tony -- he's the worst of all. Despite his years of therapy, his health scares, his deals with Carmela, and his near-imprisonment, he hasn't changed. He still wants the best for his children, even though they drive him crazy at times. He still thinks he loves his wife, even though he continues to cheat on her. He's still heavily influenced by his mother, even though she's dead and he's had years and years of therapy. He and his cohorts blithely ruin people's lives through loan sharking and blackmail. He still eats crap food, drinks, and takes drugs, even though he nearly died. The panic attacks may have stopped, but he still has to live his life like the final scene of the series: constantly looking over his shoulder for the Feds, or rivals intent on murder, or mistresses who will tell on him. And it will never change; it will only come to an end when he dies.
So the ending to me delivers that message. It was like the window coming down after your time runs out at the peep show. We, the viewers, were given an opportunity to observe this life and these people, and see if we could learn something about the human condition, and the lesson we were given was that life goes on and people don't fundamentally change. Tony didn't die. Yet. Tony didn't go to prison. Yet. Tony once expressed envy and anger at the happy wanderer who just goes happily through life, but that's exactly what Tony does. He might examine his own life, and he might claim he's going to change, but he never actually makes any permanent changes. And isn't that true of most of us? You have a come-to-Jesus moment and proclaim that you're going to stop doing this and start doing this, and a few weeks go by, and it's easier to fall into old habits and then you forget why you wanted to change in the first place. So that's what I think Tony and the rest of the characters will continue to do. We just don't get to watch it anymore.