By Kim
Phil gets pissed when he finds out that Tony's been dumping asbestos at a place he owns, and he demands a huge cut of Tony's profits to make up for it. Neither Tony nor Phil wants to give in, and the temporary solution is that the asbestos gets illegally dumped in some wetlands. While distracted by emotion and conversation (and, as it turns out, drugs) while driving with Tony, Christopher veers off the road and flips the truck multiple times. Tony was wearing a seatbelt and escapes with few injuries, but Christopher is wheezing and coughing up blood and begging Tony to help him out of the situation so he doesn't have to take a drug test, which he knows he would fail. Tony can't stop looking at the mangled car seat in the back of the truck. Disgusted by the whole situation, Tony suffocates Christopher. In a dream, Tony admits to Melfi that he's relieved that Christopher died, because now he doesn't have to worry that Christopher will turn him over to the Feds or let him down again. Tony keeps trying to get others to admit to a sense of relief that Christopher is gone, but no one will. In the meantime, Paulie's Aunt Ma dies, and Paulie is furious that her wake didn't get as good of a turnout as Christopher's. AJ seems to be doing better, and he's hanging out more with the two Jasons at college and even going to some college classes. He also doesn't stop his friends when they beat up a random Somali student for being black and in the wrong place at the wrong time. The sight of this random violence sends AJ back into a depression. Tony heads on a solo trip to Las Vegas to get away from everything. He visits one of Christopher's old girlfriends, gives her the bad news, and sleeps with her. They take peyote together. Tony wins a bunch of money playing roulette while tripping, and then collapses in giggles on the casino floor when he realizes that Christopher is really dead. They go out into the desert to watch the sunrise, and Tony starts crying and yells, "I get it!"
A dump truck begins to dump its contents, mostly construction debris, in a warehouse, until a supervisor rushes over and tells the driver to stop. The driver says he's just following orders. Some workers start throwing the truck's cargo back into the truck as the supervisor walks over and (in Spanish) asks a teenager sitting nearby why he's eating sitting so close to the dump truck, adding that the construction debris is full of asbestos and the teen is risking his life. Am I watching the right show?
Oh, I am. Phil (with Butchie) and Tony (with Christopher) have a meeting. Phil says that he just found out the truckloads he was letting Tony's workers dump on his property are full of asbestos, and that Tony was getting a lot of government and school waste-removal contracts based on his promises to follow EPA regulations, which he obviously wasn't doing. As the men talk, Christopher looks around, kind of edgy, which made me wonder if he was on something. He looks pasty, too. Tony cuts to the chase and asks Phil how much money he wants to let them keep dumping the asbestos. Phil wants 25%, which Tony and Christopher both think is ridiculous. Phil knows they have nowhere else to dump the stuff, so he tells them he's not budging on his number. Tony and Christopher stomp off in a snit.
Driving home, Christopher keeps futzing with the radio. See? Edgy. Nervous. Is it the drugs? Or is he nervous about something else? Like killing JT? Or has he gone to the Feds? Anyway, Christopher floats the idea that Tony should meet Phil's number because they don't really have any other options. Tony thinks that would "set a terrible precedent," and Christopher thinks "that's the flying ointment." Were the malaprops this common in earlier seasons? I feel like they were more rare, but maybe I'm misremembering. Christopher goes back to flipping the radio stations. I keep expecting to see a deer leaping out of the darkness and onto the road in front of the truck. Tony snaps at Christopher for his constant station flipping, so Christopher throws in the soundtrack to The Departed. As "Comfortably Numb" starts up, Christopher asks Tony whatever happened to his "stop and smell the roses" attitude. Tony realizes that he may be overreacting to the whole situation, and he and Christopher actually share a nice moment about how it's easy to sweat the small stuff and forget what matters, like family. Tony can't let his beef with Phil go as Christopher pumps up the volume on the radio. He doesn't look good, all fidgety, and Tony keeps giving him appraising looks, trying to figure out his deal. Is he upset? Using? Tony tries to engage him in small talk, but Christopher goes back to the stereo, which causes him to miss a curve and swerve into the other lane, where there's another car headed straight for them. Tony grabs the wheel and manages to get them back into their lane, and Christopher struggles and fails to regain control of the truck. They fly off the right side of the road, onto a hill, and the truck flips over multiple times before coming to a rest sitting upright.
Cut to the other car, which contains two teenage girls. The passenger says, "Maybe you should go back, Heidi!" The driver replies, "Kennedy! I'm on my learner's permit after dark!" So they just keep going, maybe showing that even non-Mafia people are pretty self-involved.
Back at the accident scene, Tony and Christopher are both conscious, but banged up. Christopher appears to be in worse shape; he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. Christopher struggles to talk, and manages to force out, "Tone. You gotta...help me. I'll never pass the drug test. I'll lose my license." Tony unbuckles his seatbelt and glances in the back seat, where he sees the baby's carseat, which now contains a tree branch. Tony forces his way out of the truck and walks over to Christopher's side, where Christopher is now wheezing in a scary, death rattle-type way. Tony smashes the safety glass in Christopher's window and tries to open his door. Christopher coughs up some dark red blood and then repeats, "Never pass a drug test. Call me a taxi." Tony flips open his cell phone, and then pauses to look at Christopher, who continues with the scary wheezing and coughing up blood. Tony dials the first two numbers for 911, but then flips his phone closed quite deliberately. He reaches into the car and pinches Christopher's nostrils closed. It only takes a minute or so for Christopher to suffocate on all the blood in his throat. As he waits for Christopher to stop breathing, Tony looks at the carseat again, and the tree branch lying where the baby would sit. Christopher doesn't struggle much, and Tony is distracted by a car going by up above, and the lights from the car look a lot like the lights he saw sweeping the horizon when he was in a coma. Christopher finally dies, and Tony looks at the blood on his hands, literally and metaphorically, before wiping it on Christopher's jacket. He sits down on the ground outside the truck and dials 911, saying that they've been in an accident.
So that's the end of Christopher. Since I first watched the episode, I've been thinking about his death, and I've realized that Christopher was my favorite character, but I've tried to figure out why. He's certainly not a better person than any of the others; he was violent, mean, immoral, abusive, and a murderer. I guess I was most fascinated by his character arc, and how he went from idolizing Tony and giving anything to be in the Family to being disillusioned when Tony forced him to make a choice between his dreams of being a writer and his Family obligations. I haven't been as into Christopher since Ade's death, and I'm not saying I admired him or would even want to know someone like him in real life, but I'm sad to see him go, especially in such an anticlimactic way. I always thought he'd get whacked or overdose or even kill himself.
Ambulance. Tony is wheeled into a hospital on a stretcher. He asks the paramedics how his friend is, and the paramedic tells him flatly that his friend is dead, and asks if Tony knows a contact for his of kin. Would they really tell Tony that? Eh, who cares.
Carmela is lying in bed, surfing real estate websites on her laptop and dozing when the hospital calls. Tony makes sure she's sitting down before telling her that there was an accident and that Christopher's dead. Carmela gasps in shock and horror and then ascertains that Tony's okay. He assures her that he just hurt his knee, but he wants her to call Kelli's parents and send them to her house. Carmela shifts into caretaking mode, grabbing clothes out of the closet, but she stops to ask, "Oh my God, Tony. He's dead?" Tony flatly says, "Yeah." She gives a panicked cry and hangs up. Tony sighs and lies back on his gurney. He glances at the body bag in the room, along with Christopher's bloody clothes and Cleaver hat.
Quick cut of Kelli dropping the phone and screaming, "Noooooo!" as Paul Shaffer cackles on the television in the background. What do they have against Paul Shaffer?
Tony's home from the hospital, lying in bed. The maid comes in to tell him he has visitors. Silvio, Paulie, Bobby, and...is that Guarnere from Band Of Brothers? The forum posters say that he's playing Walden Belfiore, brother to Angie "Big Pussy's Widow" Bonpensiero. Not sure why he's visiting T with the other guys, but whatever. His big line is to say that Carlo is going to visit shortly. Paulie says that Patsy went over to Christopher's mother's house, and Tony says that Carm is there too. The guys lament Christopher's heavy foot on the gas pedal. Benny comes in and offers his condolences. Everyone stands around and can't think of anything to say. I really expected a few "What're you gonna do" comments. Tony says that Christopher wasn't wearing a seat belt, and suffocated on his own blood. Belfiore keeps talking about Carlo like he's Godot, and even Silvio is like, "What's your deal?" Tony brings up the idea of alcohol or drugs being involved. Silvio asks if Chris seemed high, and Tony says that he would have been furious if he thought that Chris was. The guys discuss Christopher's success (or lack thereof) with sobriety, and Silvio is the only one who seems to express true grief. Paulie says the important thing is that Tony is alive.
The guys sit downstairs at the Sopranos' and eat, as you do. Meadow helps Tony down the stairs, and he announces that he needs to go see Kelli. Meadow offers to make him a plate, and Tony asks for a Scotch. Meadow asks if he's serious, and he urges her to have one herself. It's been interesting, in the past few episodes, to see Meadow becoming more involved with her family, and acting more like Carmela in trying to take care of people. Tony tells Silvio that Meadow and Christopher were close. Paulie stares off into the distance, melancholy. Tony asks if he's okay, and Paulie says he wonders if he did right by Christopher, since all he did was get pissed off, fight with him over money, and break his balls. Tony adds, "It's over."
At Kelli's house, her parents sit at the kitchen table surrounded by Christopher's mom Joanne (who's drinking), Janice, Carmela, Tony, and assorted other Family members. Kelli's mom says she heard from the hospital that Christopher had cocaine in his system, and that the cause of death was a hemothorax. Meadow pipes up that airbags can crush the ribs when there's no seatbelt. Thanks, Dr. Meadow. I'm sure that's what his grieving mother needed to hear. I don't think I've had to say this so far this season, but shut up, Meadow. Kelli's mom adds that the hospital said he could have made it, but didn't. That's a pretty ambiguous statement. Al starts going off on Christopher's stupidity, leaving their granddaughter fatherless. Joanne starts sobbing and pours herself another drink. Al looks at the basketball game on television and comments that Syracuse is losing. Seriously? I'm starting to get paranoid, since that's where I live, and it's the second reference in two episodes. Probably some of the writers went to SU or something. Tony, annoyed, walks to the window to get away for a moment; Carmela thinks he's upset and comforts him. Patsy walks in and says he just got a call from Little Paulie; Nucci "Aunt Ma" Gualtieri died from a stroke. Man, if it's not one thing, it's your aunt/mother.
Melfi's office. Tony, who's still pretty bruised and battered about the face, talks about how hard Christopher's death has been. Melfi offers some platitudes. Tony pauses, and then kind of grins and says, "This is bullshit." He goes on to say that he's relieved, because Christopher was "a tremendous drag on [his] emotions, thinking about the future." He saw Christopher as potentially ratting him out to the FBI, due to his personality and drug use, and that he considered Christopher "the biggest blunder of [his] career." Melfi is silent. Tony happily goes on to say that he didn't consider Christopher a relative, a friend, or someone he could count on. Then Tony pulls out the big guns and admits that he's murdered friends and relatives before, and even names names: "My cousin Tony, my best friend, Puss, but this?"
Flash to Tony snorting himself awake. Damn, I thought that scene was legit until the very end when he started naming names. Tony rolls over and asks Carm worriedly if he was talking in his sleep. She says he wasn't, and turns on the TV, since she can't sleep either. She starts watching Katharine Hepburn being interviewed by Dick Cavett, talking about how she used to be a terrible actor and people caught on, probably referring to how Tony is trying to pull off the acting job of his life, convincing people he's grief-stricken. I do wonder how the writing staff finds these television clips that comment on the action so perfectly.
Tony limps downstairs and grabs a mug to get himself some coffee. He notices that the mug has the Cleaver logo on it, so he limps out back and heaves the mug into the weeds behind his yard.
Later, Tony asks Carm to make him a cappuccino. Carm comments that it's hard not to think of Christopher as a child. Tony muses that Caitlin looks like her father, which might not be so great later, with "that schnozz." Carm thinks lots of women thought Christopher was hot, and then she gets upset about her suspicions regarding Christopher and Ade. Tony is silent. Carm acknowledges that Chrissy was violent, but that he loved Ade and would never kill her. She wonders why we are so quick to blame. Tony takes her hand and brings up the night he called her to give her the bad news. He says carefully that he thought he picked up "a twinge of relief" when she heard of Christopher's death. Carm denies it at first, but then she starts sobbing and says that maybe she was relieved...that it wasn't Tony who was killed. She remembers that when Tony got shot, Christopher comforted her. Tony tells Carm that a giant tree branch (it wasn't really giant) came through the car window and hit the baby's carseat, meaning that Caitlin would have been killed were she in the car. Man, Tony is really trying to make himself feel like he did the right thing. Carmela stands up and walks away, upset.
Melfi's office, for real this time. Tony's complaining about Carmela's reaction to their conversation and how he always seems to be the asshole. Um, maybe there's a reason for that? He also laments that Joanne is getting all the sympathy, even though she was a terrible parent. Melfi asks how he's doing. Tony talks about Christopher's weaknesses and the contempt he seemed to have for Tony. He adds that he's seen friends die before, and even seen them murdered. He refers obliquely to the fact that he "hand-carried" Christopher through the situation with Ade, and that Christopher couldn't deal with it, so Tony did. And yet, Tony feels that Christopher never showed the proper gratitude. Melfi asks how Tony is handling it. Tony says that he has to sit around with people who are legitimately grieving, and that he doesn't feel it, which makes him feel like a hypocrite, and then he gets mad at the mourners. It's interesting how close Tony came to revealing the same information he did during his dream sequence.
Funeral home. Tony and Carm arrive for Christopher's viewing. While Carmela signs the guest book, Tony notices Julianna Skiff walking towards him. They both hesitate, unsure how to greet each other, or even if they should. She says hello and wipes away some tears. Tony introduces her to Carmela and mangles her name -- probably on purpose, because he's just that petty, and probably still pissed that she threw him over for Chrissy. Carmela asks if she knew Christopher, and Julianna says, "I used to buy my meat at Satriale's." Great line. She also admits that she's a recovering addict, and owes Christopher a lot. Tony offers up, "What're you gonna do?" There's some awkwardness, so everyone goes their separate ways.
Tony and Carmela sit down in the viewing room. Christopher lies in his casket in the front. Daniel Baldwin is there, and he nods to Tony, probably just reminding Tony of Cleaver and how much it pissed him off. Carmela says that she's going to go up and pay her respects, but first asks Tony how he's doing. He says it's tough. Carmela says that Christopher loved him so much, and then leaves pray over the body. They really did a great job with Christopher's makeup, and by "great," I mean he really looks like a corpse that someone painted with tons of makeup, which is how most corpses look at the viewings I've attended.
The guys gather in the back of the room. Silvio makes a comment on one black-clad woman, calling her "3 to 5, 7 to 9" because she never misses calling hours. The woman looks like the old photos of my Italian mother-in-law's family from the turn of the century: plain black dress, hair pulled back, wider than she is tall. They're a stout people. And yet somehow my husband is six feet tall and skinny with red hair and freckles. I'll never understand genetics. Joanne stands up and then falls to her knees, sobbing. Tony is disgusted, calling the scene "James Brown" adding that he can't take it. Little Carmine thinks Tony is grief-stricken, but he's really just sickened by the emotional outpouring that he feels is fake or heightened. All eyes turn to Kelli, who walks in wearing a tight black dress and giant black sunglasses. Tony comments, "Jackie Kennedy." She does look like she's been waiting for this moment for a while. As she reaches the casket, she breaks down in sobs, and her parents comfort her. Tony seems a little less disgusted by her, and a little more touched, but I could be interpreting that wrong.
The two Jasons hug AJ and offer their condolences. One of them urges AJ not to let his grief linger so that he falls back into a depression. AJ nods.
As everyone sits around, Tony leans over to the director of Cleaver and tells him about the tree limb that destroyed the baby seat. Jesus, soon it's going to be a tree that came to life and swatted their car off the road. Carmela comes over and says that she and Tony should head over to Nucci's viewing.
Carmela and Tony arrive at the second viewing to find that the house is definitely not packed. Carmela signs the book, and Tony says that he needs to get out of there. Paulie spots him and walks over. The Sopranos give him a hug and express their condolences. Carmela adds that she knew Paulie and Aunt Ma had gotten close again recently. Paulie just wants to complain that no one is there. He couldn't have scheduled it at a different time? I'm not saying he should have to, but you'd think he would want to attend Christopher's calling hours, too. Carmela heads in to pay her respects. Paulie angrily bitches about the "fundamental lack of respect," and that he bought five hundred prayer cards. Tony explains that Aunt Ma was older, and that it's a different situation than with Christopher. Paulie, as usual, holds a grudge.
AJ visits his therapist. He explains that he's sad about Christopher's death, but that he's learned not to hold onto those feelings anymore. The shrink suggests that the meds are working. AJ says that he's taking a few college classes, including one on the Middle Eastern conflict. AJ actually seems interested. Who is this kid? And why wasn't he on meds before?
At college, AJ and Jason are chatting with a chick about various meds when they spot Victor, the kid they tortured last week, walking by on crutches. The chick discloses that she heard he had his toes amputated after an accident with his car battery where the acid burned right through his shoe. AJ and Jason crack up.
Tony's doorbell rings. He heads into the hallway and peers downstairs, where he sees Carmela talking to Joanne, Kelli, and her mom. Kelli thinks Caitlin is hungry, and the women discuss what a blessing it is that Caitlin doesn't know what's going on. Kelli whips out her breast and Caitlin latches on. Tony makes a disgusted or annoyed face, presumably more about the conversation than the breastfeeding, but who knows? He pulls out his cell phone, calls a guy in Vegas, and books a suite for himself to get some peace and quiet.
While flying to Vegas on a private plane, Tony looks out the window at the clouds, possibly thinking about heaven. He arrives in Vegas and is driven to his hotel. Once there, he plays roulette and loses, as usual. This time, he manages to walk away while he still has a few chips left. Later, he sits in a restaurant, having dinner alone.
AJ sits in a college English class, learning about Wordsworth's poetry and how he disapproved of material things. AJ actually appears to be engaged with the material.
Speaking of material things, Tony lies by the pool at his luxury hotel. Sometime later, he goes to an apartment building and meets up with a young stripper named Sonya, who knew Christopher. Tony says that Christopher always had nice things to say about her and suggested that Tony look her up while he was in Vegas. She offers Tony some wine, and while she pulls it out, Tony breaks the news that Christopher died. She's shocked, and asks if he ever got back together with "that one girl -- the one that left him." Tony tells her that Christopher married Kelli and had a baby. Sonya philosophizes that it might be good, in a way, that Christopher left a legacy. Tony says he thought Sonya should know, and she thanks him for coming over and asks how long he's staying in town. Tony says that he's not sure, and leaves.
Tony sits in his hotel room, reading the paper. Some guy named Stefano calls and tells Tony that since they can't dump the asbestos, it's just lying around at the school, and he's worried that they're going to get busted. Tony promises that he's working on it.
AJ hangs out with his new friends on the front porch of some house. Jason pulls up out front, and when he opens his car door, a biker who was riding by hits it and goes flying. Jason blames the biker. The biker thinks it's all Jason's fault, and by this time, the rest of the guys have joined them in the street. Jason's retort to the biker: "Fuck you, nigger." AJ's eyes widen with surprise. The biker explains that he's from Somalia and a college student. Jason calls him a terrorist, and the guys start beating the crap out of him. AJ's only participation is to shove the guy back into the circle when he tries to run, but he doesn't participate in the actual beatdown. He doesn't try to stop them, though, even when one guy takes the guy's bike and tosses it, causing it to be run over by a passing truck.
In Vegas, Tony is fucking Sonya. Well, she's on top, so I guess she's fucking him. After they finish, she sparks up a joint, explaining how good the pot is. She offfers some to Tony, who takes a hit. Sonya says that Tony reminds her of Christopher. Tony asks if that means he fucks like Christopher, and Sonya explains, "There's a certain kind of guy that I don't run into on campus, but where I dance -- that accent, those clothes." Tony asks if she means he's a type, and Sonya says that Tony is surprising because he actually seems sad. Is that a compliment? Tony giggles, the pot taking effect, and brings up the fact that Christopher and Sonya took peyote together. Sonya says that she hasn't in a while. Tony says that he's wondering why he's in Vegas, and that he always wanted to try peyote, but that he always had too many responsibilities.
Phil calls Tony and complains that he's hard to reach. Tony gets right to the point and asks Phil just to do business with him. Phil expresses his condolences, and Tony hangs up on him and tosses the phone aside.
AJ goes back to his shrink, back to wearing all black and speaking in monosyllables. The shrink asks what exactly happened this week to cause the change in demeanor, and AJ doesn't tell him about the beating. He scowls and says, "You know people walk around like this is all something. They're fucking laughing. Nobody takes even one second to think about what's really going on." The shrink thinks AJ sounds depressed again. AJ wonders how anyone could not be depressed, given how fucked up everything is. He starts crying and asks, "Why can't we all just get along?" Oh, AJ. Such a sensitive Rodney King soul.
Tony and Sonya take peyote in her apartment. While they wait for it to kick in, they start making out. Suddenly, Tony is in the bathroom, puking his guts out. He looks up at the light in the bathroom and grins.
Later, Tony and Sonya wander through the hotel lobby and casino, fascinated by the lights and noises. I don't have any experience with such things, but I would imagine a casino would be, like, the worst place to be while tripping. Tony focuses in one a picture of a devil on one of the machines. Hmm. What does that mean? Tony goes back to the roulette table, but to him, it seems like the wheel is spinning very slowly. He tells Sonya that "it's the same principle as the solar system." Tony keeps winning and winning, and his stack of chips grows and grows. Suddenly, Tony says, "He's dead!" And then he starts guffawing so hard that he falls on the casino floor. So are they saying that life is totally random chance, like a roulette wheel, and the only way to enjoy it is to medicate yourself?
A dump truck backs up to some wetlands at dawn. The driver dumps the asbestos-filled load into the marsh.
Tony and Sonya are sitting in the desert, watching the sunrise. Tony stares at the sun, which seems to pulse and blink at him. He stands up and yells, "I GET IT!" He starts laughing and crying at the same time. What does it all mean?