From Where To Eternity

We open with a little Otis Redding wailing in the background as Adriana sits at Christophers hospital bed. She cries and fixes the picture of the Pope fastened to his hospital gown. Christopher is in some type of coma. Silvio and Mrs. Silvio enter and console Adriana. She tells them that the doctors say Christopher has lost a lot of blood and that he might have to have his spleen removed. She says shes scared. Silvio says that Christopher is a tough kid and that hell make it. Christophers mother walks in at this point and starts freaking out through her clenched jaw. Silvio holds her, and she demands they find the guy who did this to Christopher and to make him suffer. "I want that motherfucker in agony." Silvio tells her not to worry.

Tony and the others are out in the hospital waiting area, not-answering questions from the police. Theyve never heard of anybody or anything, and they certainly know nothing about the Monkey Boys. The Feds arent happy, and they ask why Tony and the guys dont want to help Christopher. The silence continues until they leave.

Janice walks in and hugs Carmela. She asks why Christopher hasnt been moved out of ICU already since its been two days. Meadow says that Chris is doing much better. Janice says they still have to pray for him. She shakes AJ from his GameBoy glaze and tells him to pray for Christopher. AJ brats, "We are. Jesus." Heh.

Adriana holds Richie and says that she loves Christopher so much. He consoles her while staring at Tony. Paulie tells Tony he doesnt want Richie around. Pussy says that Richie is full of "negative energies." Tony says that Richie was only supposed to come back if he had something on Matthew. Poor Pussy is always stuck wearing the brown velour leisure suits. Insult to injury, indeed.

Outside the hospital, Richie meets with Tony and the boys. Paulie bosses Richie to start talking, but Richies taking his own sweet time. He lights a cigarette and everything. He says that theres word on the street about Matthew. He says that theres a dealer named Quickie G. Theyre only speaking in partial sentences, so it's hard to say for sure, but Im thinking Quickie G either knows where Matthew is or is hiding Matthew. Tony says that someone will bring Matthew in within the five days to score points. He says it wont take long at all.

Carmela sits with Mrs. Silvio in the waiting chairs. Mrs. Silvio is dishing the latest Mob gossip. Apparently, some guy named Ralphie got his goomah pregnant and she had the baby. C-section. Theres always that last bit in the gossip that really has nothing to do with the gossip other than to make it sound a bit gorier than it actually is. ["Remembering it now, I could swear Mrs. Silvio says 'Ralphie Cifaretto,' a.k.a. Joey Pants, but I'd have to see the tape to know for sure." -- Sars]

Carmela is in bed with Tony when she decides to bring this up. She pretends to read as he pretends to sleep. He asks her to get some sleep. She asks why. He says that tomorrow will be a rough day. Carmela says shes not going to sleep tonight. She closes her book and tells Tony that she loves him. "I dont want anybody getting hurt. Not me, not the kids, not you." Tony says he cant talk until five in the morning tonight. Its quiet until Carmela asks if Tony heard about Ralphies situation. Tony says that Christopher in the hospital should be the only thing on her mind. Carm says that the CK One "stinking off [his] shirt" made her think about it. Tony says he cut it off with that girl. Carm says that if Tony is going to keep doing what he does, then the least he could do is get a vasectomy. Tony sits up, shocked. Carm says, "Lets get real, Tony. Do you have any idea what a bastard child would do to this family?" I love that shes not concerned about disease or crazy-bitch women trying to destroy the family. She just doesnt want a bastard child out there. Carm says Tonys putting the entire family at risk. Tony lies back and says he has his girlfriends tested for AIDS. "What do you think I am?" he asks. Carmela is pissed. She grabs her blanket and leaves the bed. Otis starts wailing again as Tony sighs.

Back at the hospital, everyones asleep in the waiting chairs. Pussy holds a razor and some shaving cream. The intercom announces a Code Blue in ICU 3. This wakes everyone up, as its Christopher. Adriana runs over to his room and sees the doctors trying to revive him. She starts crying and shouting his name. Paulie holds Adriana as she screams that hes going to die. Pussy and Paulie pull Adriana back as she sobs in their arms.

Tony gets the late-night phone call. Carmela walks in and they stare at each other, knowing whats happening.

Christopher is on the table in surgery. They are operating.

Carm and Tony show up at the hospital. Tony asks how Christopher is doing. Silvio says that Christophers heart stopped. Tony says that they have to stay positive. Pussy hugs Adriana and says theyll only think of positive vibes. Carmela walks away quietly.

Carm walks into an empty hospital room with a cross on the wall. She kneels before the cross and prays: "Gentle and merciful Lord Jesus, I want to speak with you now with an open heart. An honest heart. Tonight I ask you to take my sins and the sins of my family into your merciful heart." We have an overhead shot of Christophers surgery as we hear Carmela in a voice-over. "We have chosen this life in the full awareness of the consequences of our sins. I know that Christophers life is in your hands, and his fate is your will. I ask you humbly to spare him. And if it is your will to spare him, I ask that you deliver him from blindness and grant him vision. And through this vision may he see your love and gain the strength to carry on in service to your mercy." Carmela tearfully gives her amen.

Adrianas getting advice from Hesh as Tony walks in with coffee. Carmela is back just as the doctor arrives. He says that Christophers heart had stopped and there was internal bleeding. Hes now in stable condition. Hesh asks how long Christophers heart had stopped. The doctor says it was stopped for about a minute. Hesh asks whether or not Christopher is still on a ventilator. Eventually Paulie asks what theyre all talking about. The doctor says that Christopher was clinically dead for about a minute. Adriana asks if she can go and see him. The doctor says Christopher's going to be in post-op for a few hours, but that he asked twice for Paulie and for Tony.

Christopher hits the button on his morphine drip. Paulie and Tony walk in. Tony kisses Christophers forehead and Chris starts apologizing. He says he knows Tonys mad at him. Tony says that nobody is mad at him. Chris says hes going to Hell. Tony says that the only place Christopher is going is home. "I crossed over," Christopher says. He pants and says he saw the tunnel and the white light. He says he saw his father in Hell. "Get the fuck out of here," Paulie teases. Christopher says that the bouncer told him hed be in Hell too. Christopher says he saw their hell and its an Irish bar where its Saint Patricks Day every day. He says that a guy named Mikey and a guy named Brendan were there, and they were friends. ["That's Mikey Palmice and Brendan Filone." -- Sars] Paulie says those two guys hated each other furiously. Tony says that Christopher needs some rest. Christopher insists that Brandon and Mikey are friends now and that they were playing dice with two Roman soldiers and a bunch of the Irish guys. "And the Irish? They were winning every roll." He says that Mikey had a message for Tony and Paulie. "Three oclock." Paulie wants to know more about the message, but Christopher is in pain, whimpering about his morphine drip. Tony warns Christopher to be careful with the morphine. Paulie asks for more info. He wants to know what Mikey was wearing. Tony says they need to go. Christopher says that Mikey was wearing an old-fashioned pinstriped suit. Tony says it was a dream and he should forget about it. Christophers eyes roll back as Tony and Paulie walk away. Paulie says that he thinks Christopher "likes his chemistry set a bit too much." Tony reminds Paulie that Christopher is in pain.

Paulie finds Silvio preparing to light a cigarette near an elevator. He asks what time Mikey was hit. Silvio says he doesnt remember. Paulie keeps wondering about the time as the elevator door closes.

Melfis office. Silence. Tony breaks and says he used to cheat. "Im not getting spayed. End of subject." Melfi says that Tony brought up the subject in the first place. Tony says that she asked him what was going on. Melfi says she heard about the shooting on the news and asks if Christopher is his nephew; she adds that she heard he was in critical condition. Tony says hell be okay. Melfi asks if they found the person that shot Christopher yet. "No," Tony says. "Have you?" Melfi says shes not trying to pry, but she knows that Christopher is important to him. Its quiet for a little while. Tony tells Melfi how Christopher thinks he had a near-death experience. He says that it was some bullshit dream from the morphine, but now Christopher thinks hes going to Hell. Melfi asks if he thinks Christopher will go to Hell. Tony says that Christopher doesnt deserve Hell. Melfi asks who does. "The worst people," Tony says. "The twisted and demented psychos who kill people for pleasure." Child molesters. "The Hitlers." Not his nephew. Melfi asks Tony if he thinks hes going to hell. "You been listening to me?" Tony asks. "No. For the same reasons. Were soldiers. Soldiers dont go to hell. Its war. Soldiers, they kill other soldiers. Were in a situation where everybody involved knows the stakes. And if youre gonna accept those stakes, youve got to do certain things. Its business. Soldiers. We follow codes. Orders." Melfi asks if that justifies everything he does. Tony says that Americans didnt let the Italians in to help them. They needed subways built and worker bees to help the economy. He says that some of them werent happy just being workers; they wanted to stay Italian and keep things that were sacred to them, like honor and family. Tonys leaning forward, squinting and sweating, carefully choosing his words. "And some of us wanted a piece of the action. We werent educated like the Americans, but we had the balls to take what we wanted. And those other fucks, those other, the, the, the, the JP Morgans, they were crooks and killers too, but that was the business, right? The American Way." Melfi says that poor Italian immigrants have nothing to do with Tony and the way he runs his life. Tony asks why Melfis all of a sudden taking some stand here, with morals and ethics and judgment on his life. He says that shes been telling him all this time that this isnt his fault and that its because of poor parenting. "You pick now to act like Betsy fucking Ross when my nephews in the hospital and he might not get out!" Tony stops talking and controls himself as Melfi simply watches him in silence.

Paulies in bed holding his alarm clock as it hits three in the morning. His girlfriend is asleep in his arms. Paulie shoots up in bed, waking her. She asks if its three again. He listens, and she realizes hes hearing her windchimes. She warns him to not wake up her kids. Paulie curses out Mikey for his message from Hell. Paulies girlfriend tells him to relax. She says that Christopher is a troubled kid and you cant trust everything hes saying. Paulie says he does need to relax. They get back into bed. Paulies girlfriend tells some story about how she was supposed to get married at a certain time, but Mikey had seen the room she was going to stay in and flipped out because it was so shitty, so he gave her another room. At three oclock. Nobody cares.

Paulie goes to visit Christopher. Christopher is asleep, so Paulie wiggles his bed to wake him. He tells Christopher he was just trying to tidy up. "Go back to sleep." He says that hes pretty baffled by Mikeys message. Chris says he wishes he had more for him, but thats all Mikey said. Paulie asks if the bouncer from Hell had horns on his head. Chris says he was just some big Irish goon in old-fashioned clothes. Paulie asks if anybody had horns or those goat-bump horns. Christopher says it was Hell. "My father says he loses every hand of cards he plays. And every night at midnight they whack him the same way he was whacked in life and its painful. Night after night. Does that sound like fucking Heaven to you?" Paulie asks if it was hot. Chris says he doesnt know. Paulie points out that the heat should have been the first thing Christopher noticed. "Hell is hot. Thats never been disputed by anybody." He says that Christopher was in Purgatory, not Hell. "A little detour on the way to paradise." Chris asks how long they have to stay in purgatory. Paulies got the formula: "You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by fifty. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by twenty-five. You add them together and thats your sentence. I figure Im gonna have to do about six thousand years before I get accepted into Heaven. And six thousand years is nothing in eternity terms. I could do that standing on my head. Its like a couple of days here."

Melfi is crying, asking Peter Bogdanovich (hereafter known as PB), if she was being deliberately insensitive to Tony. PB asks if Melfis still taking her meds. She is. She says shes also been drinking alone. She keeps crying. She says shes afraid. Tony knows where her son goes to college. She says she took Tony back because she felt responsible for him. PB says hes not challenging her ethics or her accountability, but he doesnt know what she hopes to achieve with Tony. Melfi says shes living in a moral Never-Never Land with him, not wanting to judge but to treat, and now shes judged him and shes scared. "I feel for you," PB says, not helping a single damn person.

Pussy drives up to a remote location and sits inside a parked car. Lispy Skip says that Pussy is late. Pussy says he thinks Tony knows or suspects. He says Tonys been glancing at him. Its very complicated and deals with eggplant sandwiches, but know that Tonys been glancing at Pussy. Skip says that Pussys the one thats different now. Hes looking at his world with different eyes. Pussy says he knows Tony and can tell that Tony's being different with him. Skip says it doesnt matter. He tells Pussy to do what he does to a girl he wants to fuck. "Make him love you." Pussy goes back to his own car.

Christophers mom (Joanne) kisses him goodbye, asking what he wants for breakfast. Chris says that she doesnt get up until noon. She says shell get up early tomorrow and promises to bring him some food. Carmela arrives as Joannes leaving. They hug. Carmela sits on Christophers bed (with her copy of Memoirs of a Geisha) and asks if his painkillers are working. Chris admits that they are "pretty fucking good." Carm says that when his heart stopped, she walked down to an empty room and prayed to Jesus to spare him. She says she asked for Christ to grant him vision. "Yeah, so?" Chris asks. Carmela says that he was spared, and he saw something that none of them have ever seen. She smiles and asks what Jesus said to him. Christopher says he didnt see Jesus. Carmela says that Tony said he saw Jesus, and that Jesus took him up to Heaven to see his father and then told him that it wasnt his time. Christopher says he was in Hell, and that he was told he was going to go there when it was his time. Carmela thinks for a second and then tells Christopher that he has to use this experience as an opportunity to repent. "To start to walk in the light of the Lord." She says Chris was blessed with a second chance. She says shes going to pray every day from now on for him. "It is not too late for you, Christopher. If you pray. Will you pray?" Christopher nods, and they pray together. Christopher hits his morphine drip.

Soprano house. Tony asks Carmela how Christopher was. She says he was fine. "Same." She asks if theres any news. Tony says no. They just sort of stand to each other for a while, as she goes through mail and he looks at her. He asks if theyre not talking now. Carm says shes said what she had to say, and if he isnt going to be honest with her, he could at least have the balls to be honest with himself. Tony says hes got balls and hed like to keep them intact. Carm says he needs to settle all of that with himself and God. Tony says that Carmelas relationship with God only happens when it suits her. AJ walks into the kitchen and goes to the fridge. Tony pulls Carmela into the living room to continue the conversation. He says that the Pope doesnt believe in condoms, but she wants him to "get snipped." He asks if thats hypocritical. Carmela says she was thinking of her family first. Tony says that his genitals are Gods creation, and asks if its a sin to undo Gods work. Carmela counters, "Well you should know, you made a living off of it." Tony and Carmela square off. I find it a credit to the writers and actors that you never actually fear for Carmelas safety, even when Tonys looking at her like he looks at Richie Aprile. "Youre un-fucking-believable, you know that?" Tony asks. Theres a crash from the kitchen that breaks up their argument. Its AJ, and hes broken a plate while fixing himself some food. Tony starts yelling at him immediately, saying that AJ just had dinner an hour ago. "What the fuck are you doing to yourself?" Carmela asks Tony to leave AJ alone. "Im supposed to get a vasectomy when this is my male heir? Look at him." Tony walks off as Carmela screams for him to come back and apologize to AJ. AJ looks down, ashamed.

Paulie has a bad dream that wakes up his girlfriends kids. She consoles them, and Paulie tells them he just had a bad dream. He says hes going to put them to bed, and then hes going to go home to sleep so he doesnt keep waking everyone up. He walks the kids off to bed. Its very cute seeing Paulie in boxers, leading small children by their hands. The windchimes go off outside.

Paulie tells his girlfriend that Christopher didnt have a dream. He was dead. His girlfriend says that Paulie should go to a professional psychic who can contact dead people. She says she knows someone who is really good at it. "Fucking freakshow," Paulie laments. His girlfriend says the only thing he has to lose is his nightmares.

Pussy meets with a guy Im assuming is Quickie G, the pusher Richie spoke of earlier. He seems upset that hes forced to talk to Pussy and not someone higher up. Pussy says hell make sure he gets points for this. The kid says that theres a house in a state park that says "George Washington Slept Here" where Matts hiding. ["Hacklebarney. We used to go there on school trips all the time." -- Sars] Pussy gives him a twenty.

The psychic is talking to some dead people as Paulie watches from the circle of the group. Hes cracking jokes to the rest of the group, but nobody finds him very funny. The psychic is talking to the father if the guy in front of him. He tells him that his fathers sorry he found his body. The psychic has to stop talking to the dead person, because theres another dead person in the room making a bit of a fuss. Hes scared. The psychic tries to calm the spirit down and walks straight over to Paulie. Paulie stands up and asks what the problem is. The psychic is listening to the spirit and tells him that Paulie cant hurt him. The psychic starts looking around the room like there are several spirits talking to him. Some guy named "Sonny." Paulie asks how the fuck the psychic knew that. "He says it was your first, but I feel many more." Paulie starts getting upset as the psychic says another one is talking about poison ivy, and wants to ask Paulie if it still itches. Paulie grabs the psychic by the throat and tells him not to fuck with him. The psychic asks him to leave. "Fuck you and this bullshit," Paulie says. He says its all Satanic black magic. The psychic asks him to leave again. "Fucking queers!" Paulie shouts as he throws a chair across the room. He walks out.

Paulie pours himself a drink back at the backroom at the Bada Bing. He says that he made the appointment with a fake name. They didnt know who he was. He says that hes dragging a bunch of ghouls with him and Mikey is their ringleader. Tony says that theres no reason all of those people would follow Mikey around. Paulie asks how Tony can be so calm. Tony says he doesnt believe any of this shit. Paulie says that he was ready to write the entire thing off until the psychic mentioned Sonny. He says he did that hit thirty years ago, and doesnt know how the psychic would know that. Tony asks if Paulie asked the psychic where Matt Bevelaqua is, since that would be actual helpful knowledge. Paulie says the psychic deals only with the dead. Tony is at a loss for words. He asks if Paulie eats steak. Paulie says he does. The phone starts ringing as Tony explains that if Paulie lived in India hed go to Hell for eating steak, but since he doesnt live in India, he doesnt believe hes going to Hell for that. He leaves to answer the phone.

AJs listening to headphones in his room as Tony enters with a box of pizza. AJ says hes not hungry. Tony asks if he can sit there and eat, then. He puts down the six-pack of Tab and the pizza and pulls a chair up to AJs bed. AJ takes off his headphones, but keeps reading his magazine. Tony apologizes for talking to him the way he did. AJ says its okay, and Tony says it isnt. He says he hopes AJ knows he didnt mean it. A phone starts ringing off-camera as Tony explains that he has to learn how to control his emotions around the people that he loves. Theres no excuse for the way he acted. Carmela walks up behind Tony and stands in the doorway holding the cordless phone. Tony says that he thinks AJs a bit like him, in that he holds his feelings inside and reacts without thinking. Tony says he gets mad at AJ because he sees himself in him. He says he couldnt ask for a better son. AJ half-smiles and thanks Tony. They eat pizza. Carmela enters and says that Pussys on the phone. "He says its urgent." Tony takes the phone and walks into the hallway. AJ eats his pizza as he and Carmela share a look.

Tony tells Pussy hell be right there and hangs up the phone. Carmela takes the phone and asks whats going on. Tony takes a couple of seconds before he says, "Nothing." He breathes heavily into his body mic and walks off. Carmela watches him leave. She looks worried.

Pussy and Tony walk to their arsenal. Tony asks for his own gun. Pussy says that he and Furio can do this without Tony. Tony says he wants to do it. He says to cut Furio loose: "Threes a crowd." Pussy looks worried that hes going to get whacked in the process now.

Cut to Tony and Pussy dragging Matt to an abandoned room. They tie his bloodied body to a chair. Matts crying, saying it wasnt him. "Just Sean. Just Sean." Pussy asks why hes shaking. Matt says hes about to be killed for something he didnt do. Tony says they would have killed him already if they were going to. Matt starts whining again that it was Sean and that he wanted to score points with Richie. He says hell tell Tony anything he wants to know. Tony lights a cigar and asks what Richie said. Matt says that it had nothing to do with Richie and that he got mad when he told him. Tony tells Matt to lean in towards him. Matt pisses his pants. Tony asks if anybody else was involved. Matt says it was Sean "all the way." Tony says that Matts a good kid. Matt says hes thirsty. Tony asks Pussy to get him something to drink. "You want a Fanta? Something like that?" Pussy asks. Matt takes the can of Fanta and drinks the entire thing. Tony asks how it was. "I mean, you sure you want a diet drink? You dont want something with some sugar in it?" Pussy says theres only diet. Matt says its good, and finishes the can. "Thank you, T," he warbles. "Because that sugarless motherfucker is the last thing youre gonna have." Matt starts crying and raises his arms all Christ-like. He begs until Tony shoots him. Pussy shoots him. Again. And again. Tony shoots him again. They empty their chambers into Matts chest. We pan down his bloodied corpse.

Church. Paulie tells the priest hes been donating to the parish for twenty years and now this psychic tells him hes haunted by ghouls. The minister says that Paulie shouldnt have been dabbling in witchcraft and Satanism anyway; its unsanctioned by the church. He says that psychics are thieves and that Paulies problems are a spiritual matter. Paulie says that his donations to the church should have been insurance against things like this, and that hes been helping the church for years. Hes trying to negotiate his sins using the money hes put into the church. The minister says that none of this would have happened if Paulie had come to him first. Paulie says the church has left him unprotected, and hes never going to give another dime. He walks off.

Paulie walks through the church and stops at a figure of Jesus. He stares it down and then leaves. The door slams.

Tony and Pussy are eating celebratory steaks. Tony tells a joke about a rich man and a poor man. The poor man gives his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas. That way, if she dont like the slippers, she can go fuck herself. Laughs and another round of beer. They talk about how, the first time Tony killed someone, they came to that restaurant afterwards. Pussy says it seems like old times. Tonys quiet, eating and glancing. Tony asks Pussy if he believes in God. Pussy says he does, and that God works in mysterious ways. He says that Gods been good to him.

Carmela reads her book as Tony walks into the bedroom. He nods and says hello. She stares and says, "Hey." He asks how shes doing. She says shes fine. "You?" Tony nods and takes off his shirt. "Good." "Yeah?" Tony sits down and takes off his shoes. He walks over to the bed and takes off his pants. His back is to her, and Carmela stares at him. She crawls over to him on the bed and starts rubbing his back. She kisses his neck a few times. "Ive been thinking," Tony starts. Carmela keeps petting him. "Ill do it," he says. She kisses him and holds his head. "Youll do what?" she asks. "Snip-snip?" She plays with his hair and tells him she doesnt want him to do it. "No, you want me to do it and now I want to do it. So, well do it." Carmela keeps snuggling and says she was thinking. "Meadow is leaving soon. I may want to have another baby." She keeps kissing him. "Maybe." Tony looks away and asks, "What are you trying to drive me fucking crazy?" She moves closer to him and keeps cuddling him. "All I want is you," she says. "Thats all I have ever wanted. And I want you to be true, and to be mine. I want you to not cheat." Tony says he will be true, but Carmela stops him and asks him to not lie. He asks what he can do. She says she doesnt know. He asks again what he can do. They kiss. "Prove it to me," she says. They keep kissing. They kiss passionately as they fall to the bed, Otis starts wailing, and we see Mr. and Mrs. Soprano make out. Its not something weve seen before, and it feels like the first time you walk in on your parents having sex. Yikes.