Reading back through my recap of Season 9's finale, I was evidently REALLY worried that we wouldn't see a Season 10. But here we are! And not a moment too soon. And after a really cheesy opening featuring the misdirection of a black guy running behind a lady with a purse, only to reveal that he's not a mugger but a dancer running to his audition, we are met by the glorious face of Cat Deeley. Not just Cat, either. There are testimonials from some of our faves -- Cyrus, Twitch, Allison (Twitch and Allison got engaged during the offseason, y'all!), Dominic, Witney, Will -- and some glimpses of the season ahead, including a very blonde Mary Murphy blurting out the f-word before one particular Hot Tamale Train induction. Also, guest judges Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Adam Shankman, Wayne Brady, and Minnie Driver (!!). Holy crap.
After the credits, (the opening theme remains unchanged from the version featuring the Season 5 cast -- hey there Jeanine, Kayla, and Ade), we kick our auditions off in Los Angeles, with jidges Nigel, Mary, and Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Both of the boys are in bowties, which you know Cat found particularly delightful.
THE BEST
Malece Miller, a 19-year-old contemporary dancer from Salt Lake City (oh, those dancing Mormons!), has a TV-ready story about how her mom pulled their family out of homelessness by cleaning houses. Malece gets weepy just thinking about it. She also proves to be quite personable, joshing Nigel from the stage and faking deafness when she misses something he says. When she dances, her legs are a total dream, though the judges also focus on her fresh-faced look and how intriguingly it contrasts with her very serious dancing.
Paul Karmiryan (21, Glendale, CA) is a suuuuper cute Latin ballroom specialist who actually won the Armenian version of So You Think You Can Dance. I kind of like that. Adds a bit of Eurovision flair to these proceedings. On stage, he cannily flirts with Jesse and anyone else in the audience who might have taken notice of him (hey, Paul). With the dancing, he's maybe gotta work on the goofy smiling, but my prediction that Nigel would ding him for his more delicate tendencies, but if he did, we don't see it. In fact, he says Paul reminds him of Season 2 winner Benji Schwimmer, which is a huge compliment. Mary loves his movie-star looks and stage presence. I just love him and I hope he sticks around for a while.
Du-Shaunt "Fik-Shun" Stegall (18, Las Vegas, NV) is the closest thing we get in this season premiere to the style of Cyrus, the breakout star of last season. His style was called "animation," and while I often have trouble differentiating the micro-genres in street-dancing, Fik-Shun felt very similar. He's a ton of fun, almost silly in spots, but always on-point. He's smooth as hell and under very strict control. He even throws in a little Michael Jackson (which is pretty awkward on this show, in light of Wade Robson's recent revelations and Robson's emeritus position on the show). The judges let him continue on and on, seemingly just so they can keep watching him. Afterwards, he gets a huge ovation and immediate passage to Vegas.
THE PRETTY GOOD
It looks for a second like Elijah Laurant (20, Los Angeles, CA) will be the season's first nightmare weirdo, what with his tutu prop and all. But as he takes the stage and glides around to his dramatic music, he casts a spell over the judges. Afterwards, Nigel says he liked the androgyny of it, and wonderful Elijah yelps and leaps and squeaks, "That's exactly what I was going for -- androgyny!" I love this guy. Vegas.
Taylor Ward, a 20-year-old contemporary dancer from Claremont, CA, gets the biggest chunk of audition real estate this week, and it's hard to say she didn't earn it. After a clip package that focused on her Grandpa's-girl tendencies (he's dead now), we get a look at her practicing backstage just in time for her knee to TOTALLY buckle and, if the show is to be believed, breaks. And then we're off for a commercial. Now, we're not idiots, we So You Think You Can Dance Fans. We know that the loud as hell crrrACK sound is show-engineered (which: classy, by the way). We also know that, once the show returns and tells us that Taylor merely dislocated her knee, the breaking SFX doesn't even make sense. Beyond all that, the mere visual of Taylor's knee popping out of joint AND THEN POPPING BACK IN, all before our eyes, would have been more than sufficient. It still is. Yikes. ANYway, Taylor pushes through to her audition, "loose joints" and all. Okay, seriously, "LOOSE JOINTS." She's gonna stress me out if she makes it through to the finals and I have to worry about her every bone jumping out of its socket at a moment's notice. She's got beautiful movement, though, and she's a yes to choreography. Because clearly you want to make her dance as much as possible today. No matter, though. Taylor kills it and moves on to Vegas.
Morris Isby (28, Sacramento, CA) is an energetic, old-school b-boy. He does one particularly cool move -- a pirouette on his elbow -- that draws Nigel's positive attention. The bad news is that Morris gets sent to choreography and he totally biffs it. Better luck year.
THE INSPIRATIONALLY BESIDE-THE-POINT
Brother act Eric & Lorenzo Chapman (21 and 22, Pacolma, CA) dance with their third bro, not for advancement so much as a chance to get their story out on TV. Their dad was a b-boy back in the day, and he performed with his kids as Papa Wiz and the Wiz Kids. Dad died suddenly when they were young, and after some flirtation with turning down the wrong path, they got back on track, and so they started an after-school program; get kids to dance hip-hop. This is like that awesome day-care guy from last season, and much like that guy, the Chapman bros are a TON of fun to watch but don't show all that much promise for the long haul. The big guy up front, for example, execute a huge, flashy flip at the very beginning (awesome), but then uses the choreography to basically take a breather for the rest of the routine. The judges heap praise upon the brothers for their fantastic service to the community ("If we put you on the show, we'd be taking you away from the world!" says Jesse). Everybody gets to walk away feeling good.
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THE HILARIOUS AND AMAZING
Oh, Armen "Armen Way" Avetisov (27, Glendale, CA) is the greatest creation ever. He's a Slavic ballroom dancer who shows off his abs while waiting in line and who doubles as a rapper. We see snippets of his music video, which is filmed in Vegas and features bikini-clad women washing cars ("basically like traditional music video style"). It's like Pitbull style finally made it to the Baltic states. I love it so much. To make it even better, he auditions to The Wanted's "Glad You Came," the secretly skeeviest song ever. On stage, he is -- as you might imagine -- very, very demonstrative. Not as smooth as cute Paul from earlier, but certainly more macho. This guy bathes in macho all day and then splashes some more on himself as he heads out the door. Mary doesn't even want to hear judging -- he's going to Vegas. Hopefully to film another music video in between competing!
Tomorrow: Detroit! And Twitch!
Joe R is so happy you're all here again. Questions, comments, and unadulterated love can be sent to him at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.
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