Okay, where are we? Well, I don't know about you, but I'm in a hotel room in Indianapolis, resting up from a day of Gen Con. If you don't know what Gen Con is, I'll just say that it's the geekiest thing in the world, which means that it's awesome. However, since I'm in a hotel room, I don't have my Tivo to help me out. So I'll be doing this weecap ALL THE WAY LIVE. Let's do it!
Okay, we're ten seconds in and I've already tried to pause the broadcast. Thanks a lot, TiVo. Okay, we've got some sort of peculiar dance going on here. I'm not sure what to make of it. Nice costumes, kind of herky-jerky ... I think I'm going to guess that it's the work of Sonya Tayeh. One thing I like about it is that dancers are going offstage occasionally, so sometimes there are only a few and sometimes the whole stage is clogged up with dancing. It's a nice dynamic. Cat comes out to end the fun and report that it was not Sonya at all but Dee Kaspary, if I'm spelling that correctly. Which I believe I am. Cat would also like me to be excited about the guests tonight. It's not working.
A word or two of welcome to the judges (including Tyce, who doesn't feel that much like a special guest since he's here every week, just sitting in a different seat) and we're on to the National Dance Day package. Nigel goes to Washington and says, "God bless America" for some reason. People all over the country danced, apparently. Oh, there's Seattle! Now I'm homesick. Okay, that's enough of National Dance Day.
Nigel claims that the finale will feature something from NASA. And he'll be tapping again, which I approve of. I like having the judges on a show do some dancing on the finale. Oh, and they'll be redoing the Alex/Twitch hip hop routine with a surprise guest replacing Alex. How do Alex fans feel about that? It seems a little harsh. I mean, it was a great routine but I kind of think of it as Alex's high point on the show and watching it again with Alex taken out ... well, it better be a really cool special guest, that's all I have to say.
We're not even pretending to be about the results yet. First, we have to listen to Janelle Monáe, who has an interesting aesthetic. She's god a sleek tuxedo and her drummer is wearing a flight helmet. And her hair is such an extreme pompadour that it looks like she's a Fusco Brother. She and all her backup dancers have classy two-tone shoes and no socks. I don't even know what to make of this. It's a bit like Big Band, I think. I'm kind of getting into it. The song would like everyone to do the Tightrope, I think. But everyone's got their own dance style, so even if I wanted to do the Tightrope, I'm not sure how I'd go about it. Okay, I'm going to declare this performance Interesting. Nice work, Janelle Monáe. Now get off the stage so we can get back to business.
Everyone gets a solo tonight, which I think is a good idea. I'm in favor of anything that gets the dancers out on stage dancing. So here's Lauren, showing more skin than usual. That was Lauren, everybody!
Okay, so we're twenty minutes in, and we're no closer to finding out who's eliminated. And I don't think we'll be getting any news anytime soon. It's because we have to have dancers studied by branded sports drink scientists. This segment is setting new heights for product placement, and I don't say that lightly. On the plus side, Twitch and Courtney look hilarious with all that stuff strapped to their heads while they pedal stationary bikes. Oh, and the tie-in here is that this particular sports drink has declared dancing to be a sport and dancers to be athletes. Thanks, sports drink!
Kent! He made Cat and Adam very emotional last night. Not with the disco routine. Say, am I the only one who wouldn't mind disco going away from this show? It seems like its only purpose is to let Nigel tell people about the time in his life when he was hip. Oh, and here's Kent's solo, which ends with a series of backflips.
The dancers line up to find out the name of one of the top two dancers. Kent seems confused and if I had a TiVo here, I could tell you what he said. Cat takes her time but eventually announces that Lauren is in the finale. Everyone's happy for her! Cat, the audience, the other dancers, and the judges are quite pleased. Adam shrieks incoherently and then claims that he prayed for her. Yes, Adam, I like her too. But calm down already. As Cat describes the rest of the show, Lauren is having trouble maintaining a straight face. I think she very much wants to run around and jump up and down and scream for joy.
You will never ever guess what sports drink has commercials during this show.
Cat tells us about the tour, which will feature this year's top six, plus All-Stars, plus Russell from last season. And then it's time to consider AdéChiké. The judges liked his Contemporary more than his African Jazz, which I think might be because the judges like Contemporary more than any other form. He comes out and his solo is basically The Robot. I liked it!
Quick, who's the final member of the top four? That's right! It's Robert! I thought that clown hip hop number was trying too hard. Possibly because when I hear "clown hip hop" now, all I can think of is "Fuckin' magnets! How do they work?" His solo is a collection of interesting moves, performed in sync with the music.
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Kent, AdéChiké, and Robert come out for more results. One more dancer will join Lauren in the finale, and we are told that this dancer and Lauren were the top two. It's Kent! Obviously. As Cat hugs Kent, she points the other two off the stage. She's always got her mind on business. Nigel reminds us that the top two (Lauren and Kent, in some order) were very close in votes. He also brings up Kent's facial expressions and reminds him that the dancer isn't the artist; the choreographer is. The dancer is just the choreographer's brush. Well, then why aren't we finding America's Best Choreographer? Seriously, why aren't we?
Would you like to see a professional dancer? Well, say hello to Desmond Richardson! He, for some reason, is dancing to "Sympathy for the Devil". This is an interesting routine, because it's full of movements that you feel like anyone can do, but they're all done so perfectly that it's beautiful. I think this is what the lousy auditioners think they're doing.
And now for some more stalling, although it's at least a little relevant this time: the top 4 dancers get in a stretch Hummer limo to go to the premiere of Step Up 3D. Here's what we learn from the clips: One gentleman, who I think has speakers in his jacket, says "Nobody battles the Samurai just once." Other guys have light-up neon clothing. One dance-off takes place in a giant puddle of water. There's an after-party, in which the director warns us that he assaults the audience with dance.
Now it is time for Flo Rida, performing a song from the movie. I think that might be Lauren Gottlieb dancing to him, but the camera won't hold still long enough for me to tell. [It is! - Angel] When he insists that people put their hands up, Cat and Nigel happily participate. Twitch and Dominic are definitely involved in the dancing, but I can't see what they're doing. That seems unproductive. I'm tired of this song and I miss my TiVo's magical fast-forward button. Man, watching live television feels weird.
As we go to the break, Cat tells Flo Rida that he smells lovely. I don't know when I've typed a weirder sentence.
Oh, we're back! AdéChiké and Robert await the word. I still think it's weird that this is the first vote where the public actually decided anything. And the person in the finale is ... Robert! Lauren is delighted, and it looks to me like Kent is delighted for Lauren. I think Robert and Lauren have a little thing going, that's what I'm saying. AdéChiké has a montage that includes two of my least favorite moments from the season: Cat screwing with him before telling him he's on the show (remember when the judges told the dancers personally?) and Nigel calling him "Ade-CHEEKY!" He seems pretty composed about the whole thing and points out that this isn't the end of the world or anything. And what will he miss the most? "The homies," by which he means his fellow dancers. One of the things I really like about this show is that everyone gets along. As soon as they're allowed to, the other three get back up on stage to hug AdéChiké. That sort of thing.
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Okay, we're done. week, Robert, Lauren, and Kent put on a finale!
Monty's daily blog is Mysterious Exhortations. You can email Monty at montykins@gmail.com if that's your idea of a good time.
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