"This is it," says Cat Deeley. Except for tomorrow. She's bedecked in sparkly gold. Here are you girls, and here are you guys. That bit doesn't look quite as cool now there's only two of each.
"Deciding who to vote for is not going to be easy," says Cat. Fortunately, everybody's going to be dancing with everyone else, in addition to doing solos. This is what happens when you have two hours devoted to four dancers.
Dan Karaty's joining Mary and Nigel, just like he did at the beginning of the season, "all those weeks ago," says Cat. Who can remember back that far? Milk was only $3.50 a gallon. Hard to believe, right? I love looking at old newspaper ads from several weeks ago, with their crazy prices, and movies that are going to be on DVD in just a few more weeks. It's like a time capsule!
Nigel talks about how this year's auditions were the strongest they've seen. Having not seen the two seasons, I have no reason to doubt him, but I am skeptical of reality show judges who parrot the "best season ever!" line every season. Which is all of them. He also brings up auditionee Sex, hoping the guy doesn't show up again. Of course, by mentioning him, Nigel's basically asking for it to happen again. Oh, and I know nothing could be better than this season, but Nigel suspects season will be. Look for that to be confirmed on the very first episode of Season Four.
Then Cat praises how great Mary looks again tonight with her diamonds and whatnot, and then says she always look like she's having so much fun. Lord knows I'm no fashion maven, but I think if someone is complimenting your fashion choices by saying, "You always look like you're having so much fun," I don't know that it's the strongest compliment ever. I have (well, had) an Ocean Pacific shirt that I thought was fun. Turns out, it's not really appropriate for work (it was nicknamed "the Navajo shirt" by the staff). Thing is, I had to get married to learn this. Anyway, I'm sure Cat's not talking so much about Mary's "fun" fashion, so much as how she always seems like she's totally high. Predictably, this results in Mary screeching, and then calling Nigel an "English muffin" when he "jokingly" complains about no longer having eardrums.
Dan was at the New York auditions, Cat reminds him, and us, and asks him if he's surprised that three of the four finalists came from those auditions. Also not a surprise: Dan not saying that he was absolutely surprised, given how much New York blows. He talks about the talent that's there. You rule, New York!
Now we're back to Nigel, who's talking some more shit about talent onstage, and talented choreographers (cut to a shot of choreographers in the audience, applauding themselves).
It's not just the season finale; it's also a clip show! We see auditions, people (the final four, anyway) receiving their plane tickets, group auditions. Lacey says "shut the front door!" which I can't believe I forgot about. I'm not sure the clip of Mary screeching was strictly, what's the word I'm looking for -- necessary.
Back from the first of many commercial breaks, Cat announces that all four dancers are going to be doing a Tyce Diorio Broadway routine. Get ready: this show will feature endless clips of rehearsal, all of which are about people talking about how much they love each other, how wacky everyone is, and how much fun they're having, and how they hope they can pull everything together. Kind of like Saturday Night Live opening monologues, but with more jazz hands.
Tyce goes sliding across the studio on a chair as the top four come in, and then they all play leapfrog, and then Tyce sings "Congratulations" in an Opera Man voice, and this is where you know it's going to be kind of a long night. In an interview, Tyce says it's a dream that he's working with the top four, and promises that his routine is going to be slick and sophisticated. Lacey makes up the word "amazinger." Tyce says nice things about each of the top four. At some point, Neil says, "This is the top four I would have wished for." Aw, isn't that nice. At least until some of his former partners in the Top 10 freeze him out when they go on tour.
So the song chosen is Liza Minnelli song from Cabaret ("Mein Herr"). Bold choice, I like that. Who but really hardcore Broadway aficionados have even heard of Liza Minnelli and Cabaret? It features the final four dancing with chairs, shoulder shrugging, high kicks and Neil taking Lacey from behind. Danny and Neil do some flips. The four of them go dancing in to the audience and end up draped all over the judges' table. I don't know if it's good or not. I hate this kind of dancing. The only thing I like about routines like this is that I'm reminded that, of all the things I'd like to do when I visit New York someday, taking in a Broadway show isn't one of them.
Nigel says he wanted to see Lacey work with her partner a little more. Lacey looks confused. This is because she thinks the camera is her partner. Nigel says Danny has made remarkable strides. Translation: we were wrong about Danny in the beginning, but instead of admitting that, we'll talk about how much he's improved. Sabra? Nigel adores her. Neil? Nigel thinks he's peaking at just the right time. I agree with that. He also points out that anyone of them could win, but makes sure to remind everyone that they won't be America's best dancer, but America's favourite dancer. Which is certainly true, but seems like kind of dick thing to say all the same. "You might not be the best, but you'll be the ones people like best."
Mary calls them "the fab four," and says they were tremendous. "You're all equally good." Is that really true? "You're all in it together," she says, and a whole lot of other nonsense. Dan marvels that they dance so well with each other, what with them competing with each other. Then he advises them to give everything they've got. Really? For the finale, Dan? Anyone mind if I just put the judges on mute for the rest of the finale?
Back from a commercial break so long that the same Subway commercial was broadcast once at the beginning and again towards the end, Cat introduces a segment in which she has a sit-down interview with each of the final four.
Lacey goes first, and her interview is a rundown of all the times that she either resisted dancing, and or quit dancing. She says she got back into it last year after she watched her brother Benji win. We see a clip of her in the audience at Benji's win. She says the high point of her season so far was the samba she did with Danny. The low point was her solo a couple of weeks ago, because she kept forgetting what she was supposed to do.
And she's dancing a solo now, to the always-fantastic Daft Punk's "Technologic." To me, it's indistinguishable from the routine that she just called her low point of the season, except for a little part where she does some robot. She finishes by falling backward off the stage, caught by some fauxhawked dudes on the side.
Cat asks if her catchers knew they were going to have to do that. "I sure do hope so!" she says, whatever that means. Nigel jokes that the other dancers could have paid those guys to drop her. "I'm sure they wanted to," says Lacey. Hmmm. Everyone's out to get you! Nigel says she's fantastic, but there are times when he doesn't always believe her performance. Me too. Every time. He blames her ballroom training for making her think that she's got to paste on a smile. He tells her she should just enjoy it. That sounds kind of funny, considering how we just heard her talk about how she didn't want to dance, and quit a couple of times because she didn't like performing.
Mary blathers on about how she was better prepared, and had a plan. "Is it the best solo of this show? No, it's still not." Then she raves about how when Lacey's dancing with a partner, she's always outstanding. Well, except for the dance JUST BEFORE THIS ONE, in which the judges said she needed to work with her partner more.
Dan calls Lacey a "smart dancer," in that she knows how to work the crowd, and cameras and judges. There's an understatement. "You are pure entertainment," he says. Cat asks her about the hardest aspect, and she starts talking about how much rehearsing they do, and how injured everyone is, and how sick, and then I think she kind of catches herself and realizes she doesn't want to be whinging about the dancing on a dance competition, and says, "It's amazing and I couldn't ask for more." Then she points at Adam Shankman in the audience, and he giggles.
Sabra and Neil are the first couple, doing a Shane Sparks hip-hop routine, and he calls Sabra and Neil the perfect two to do it. Because when you think "hip-hop," you think "Neil." Shane says Sabra brings the sexuality, and all the danceability he needs. Neil, on the other hand, doesn't have the sexuality. Neil, apparently, disagrees. "Shane was asking me to be all sexy and stuff? And I was like, 'Shane. That's like asking Nigel to be British.'" Heh.
They're dancing to "Whine Up" by Kat DeLuna. They put the hop in hip-hop to start with. Sabra lies on the floor and Neil does a flip right over top of her. Other than that though, it seems a little generic, or maybe I'm finally getting hip-hopped out.
Nigel says he's not sure it was all that sexy. "It wasn't as funky as I'd have liked it," and he says Neil was a little stiff. He was also expecting Sabra to be "really down there and hittin' it," and says it wasn't as strong as he'd expected. He gets booed. Mary agrees, saying it wasn't as hard-hitting as it should have been. She also gets booed. Dan makes it unanimous, saying they've danced better hip-hop before, and called it bouncy. I have a hard time figuring out how much of this criticism is for the routine itself, or for the dancers. The one reaction shot of Shane, he's got his hat pulled down low over his inscrutable-as-always face.
up: Lacey and Danny, doing Jean-Marc Genereux's Viennese waltz. He says this was traditionally danced for the king and queen by the "chosen ones," and then says, "This is no different." It really is different, Jean-Marc. Lacey talks about how she and Danny are friends, and have inside jokes, and then get too busy talking to each other to listen to Jean-Marc, and then make fun of his French accent. Then they speak gibberish, pretending that it's French. Also, Lacey hits Danny in the crotch with her head.
They're dancing to "Keep Holding On," by Avril Lavigne, a song that has also featured prominently in the non-stop manipulationathon commercials for Fox's new K-Ville. It's about New Orleans, y'all, so if it doesn't succeed, it's because television viewers are racist assholes who hate America. Danny and Lacey do a lovely job, with nice lifts, and fortunately Lacey's slide through Danny's legs doesn't, this time, affect his ability to produce children.
Nigel says it was so good that they could have been dancing on ice. Lacey apparently lost an earring. Then Nigel asks about how much she listened to his advice about her dead hand, and Lacey says that when she watched that again, she actually "vomited" and then she talks about putting a popsicle stick in her glove to fix that, and then Danny says she's lying, and everybody laughs forever, and then Cat says "we're having a domestic." Nigel is also full of praise for Danny.
Mary says they did a fine job, and really made it look effortless, and then she gives them a standing ovation. Hey, beats another shriek.
Nigel asks if Lacey considered the possibility of knocking Danny in the goolies on purpose, and taking him out of the competition. Lacey laughs a little too heartily, if you ask me. Everyone laughs for about five hours over nothing. I wasn't really looking for ways in which watching So You Think You Can Dance is like watching Fox's bonehead crew of Sunday morning football analysts, but here we are. I can even picture Terry Bradshaw sitting there guffawing.
Cat asks for a little decorum from Dan, who says all the judges thought he'd be in the final four, so I guess that he missed Shane calling it a mistake to put Danny through. Or Adam Shankman's Crusade Against Perceived Arrogance. Dan also has high praise for Lacey. "The two of you aren't even fair," he says.
Now Cat is sitting down with Neil. Let me guess: he likes to crack jokes. Started dancing when he was five. Did gymnastics. He auditioned because he thought it might be something fun to do, and didn't really prepare a solo. But did well anyway. He calls Wade's angel-and-devil piece his best week. Worst performance? The salsa and the tango, he says, although he's careful to say that he did every dance the best he could. "What about the screaming girls?" asks Cat. Am I nuts, or is she a little jealous? Neil is wise to be really happy about the screaming girls. Smart boy. They'd vote for him even if he did some country line-dancing, just as long as he doesn't pop their fantasies of marrying him someday.
Neil's solo: "Gravity" by Shawn MacDonald. Flips and kicks and twinkletoes and pirouettes. Boooo-ring.
Nigel says Neil's finally learned that dancing's not just about doing tricks, and reasserts what he said about Neil peaking at just the right time. Mary talks about how she wasn't sure about him, but he got better and better, and then I fell asleep. Dan calls him "dynamic" and says he gives it his all and is "phenomenal."
Sabra and Lacey are about to do a Wade Robson routine. "This routine is about a mother fox and her baby fox," says Wade. Finally! Lacey's the mother and Sabra's the baby. I have a headache just thinking about it. Lacey says that being a mother fox is a lot harder than she thought it would be. So she'd thought before about being a mother fox? Lacey then talks in a baby voice, which really ought to be grounds for disqualification.
"Koyal (Songbird)" by Nitin Sawhney is the song for the routine. Sabra's curled up on the stage. Sleeping, I suppose. Lacey comes dancing out, with some red fabric in her mouth. I get the distinct impression that Wade Robson has no idea what a fox actually is. I believe he thinks a fox is some type of bird, or possibly a burglar. Normally, I love Wade's stuff; this is just weird.
Nigel calls it "extraordinary." "Thank goodness he told us they were two little foxes," he says, adding that Lacey could have been a "velociraptor" coming around the corner. He says he didn't get it, and finds it difficult to judge the dancers, with that routine. He's not sure this was the right time for Wade (whom Nigel says is one of his favourite choreographers) to experiment. In the audience, Wade makes a "fair enough" face. Mary says pretty much the same thing, with the predictable bonus of finding her own remarks hilarious. Dan says that there are going to be people who loved that and people who hated it. Sure enough, people cheer. As though the people cheering aren't just already automatically Sabra or Lacey fans and will cheer them no matter what. Seriously, does anyone really think the audience hasn't made up its mind by this point? Like if they dance a difficult experimental piece, we're going to see confused girls in the audience ripping up their Sabra and Lacey signs?
Cat sits down with Danny, and asks about Denise Wall, who is Danny's adopted mom and is also Travis Wall's mom (Travis was a competitor last season). He talks about being scared when he saw how many people were auditioning. His best routine? The samba he did with Lacey. We flash back to Shane saying putting him through would be a mistake, and Adam talking about Danny's so-called "arrogance." Danny says he's been misunderstood.
Danny's dancing solo, to "We Are The Champions" by Gavin DeGraw. Danny's his usual amazing dancing self. Travis and Denise applaud (as does Benji! Uh-oh! Did Lacey see that?). The judges all stand and applaud. Nigel says Blake (at times) and Danny are the two best dancers they've ever had on this show, and adds that every young man watching the show should aspire to be as good as Danny. Mary calls him "crazy" and then laughs and shrieks. I keep telling myself that after tomorrow, I don't have to hear her talk anymore. It's like a prisoner marking off the days on his cell wall. Dan also loved him, and asks what's in the water at his mom's studio. Cat asks Danny what he's learned. "I've learned that I really do love to dance," is his answer.
up: Danny and Neil dancing a Mia Michaels contemporary routine. She has a couple of thrones set up in the studio, and explains that two princes will be battling for the throne. "And two hundred and fifty thousand dollars!" she says, giggling. Danny says the dance is very realistic, since they actually are vying for the title. This dance will be very aggressive, with a lot of throws and lifts. Neil talks about how Nigel's always looking for masculine dancing, so this is it. The rehearsal clips go on forever, with Danny and Neil both mock-boxing the camera and calling each other out like combatants do in professional wrestling, which, come to think of it, is possibly the only physical activity gayer than we know this is going to be.
"Are You the One" by the Presets is the music, and Danny and Neil twitch in their thrones, before standing up and using their sceptres as swords. Then Neil sits down in his throne while Danny pirouettes endlessly. Then Danny sits down while Neil does some Charlie Chaplin moves. Then the sceptres get thrown away, and the two of them get into the throws and lifts. It's okay, if not quite the testosterone fest Mary seems to think it is.
Nigel loved it, says it was very masculine. Mary also loved it. "It was so believable," she says. There's that word again. What about this are we supposed to believe? That they were actually fighting by hopping around and pirouetting? Is this what dance teachers and judges think fighting is? Dan's also a fan, saying they were "throwing down."
Final sit-down interview with Sabra. She was born in the Netherlands, and then moved to Germany, where she lived for eight years, before coming to the States. Cat asks her what has stood out for her. Sabra singles out Wade's choreography, which I buy, but then immediately talks about the annoying peace routine that everyone did. We revisit Dominic's tendency to drop Sabra, which manifested itself scarily during a group dance number. We watch a clip of Sabra jumping into a lift with her legs on Dominic's shoulders, and he didn't catch her well enough to stop her head from hitting the floor with a hard thud.
Sabra's dancing solo to "Wonderful World" by James Morrison. She spins and tumbles and does a bunch of things that we won't remember tomorrow. She did them well and all, but yawn.
Nigel praises the wonderful energy she has. "You have everything it takes to be the champion of the show," says Mary, who effusively praises her, especially the fact that she's only been dancing for four years. Dan says that he hadn't been all that impressed before, and actually thought Dominic was carrying her in the partnership, but he's totally come around. Then Cat asks Sabra about the camaraderie between the final four. You're never going to believe this, but they all get along great!
We come back from commercial…oh, wait, Fox is sneakily sticking in a commercial for American Band and pretending it's part of tonight's broadcast. Fine. WE CAN WAIT.
Once that's done with, we watch Lacey and Neil rehearse the Lindy hop with Nick Williams, which looks to involve a crazy amount of lifts and flips. Did everyone dance the Lindy hop like this? Lacey says that she "falled a bunch of times [sic]."
They get dancing to "Bill's Bounce" by the Big Elliot Swing Orchestra. They leapfrog and lift and do the little shuck-and-jive moves that one does in the Lindy Hop. Neil looks like he's getting tired; he doesn't seem to be kicking and dancing with the same energy Lacey has. Fortunately, they're still able to pull off the three cool moves at the end, with Neil flipping Lacey from his back to his front, and then over to his back again and through his legs, and then flipping her ass over teakettle in front of him. They finish up with Lacey pointing at the camera, Neil pointing at the sky. If he'd pointed at the camera too, we might not have seen his pit stains.
Nigel praises how hard the dance is, especially in keeping the energy up all the way through it. He also says Lacey used her partner a whole lot better. Mary starts off praising, then nitpicks a little bit, and then goes back to praising them. Apparently they are on the hot tamale train, and then she shrieks. "I've never had a Mary scream!" squeals Lacey, genuinely excited. Dan thought the dance was awesome, and anyone who didn't enjoy it is just a boring person.
Sabra and Danny rehearse the cha-cha with Melanie la Patin. Sabra laments her and her partner's attention spans. Danny burbles about how he loves Sabra and she's super-cute. His opinion might have changed after she stepped on his feet. The rehearsal clips go on forever. Now Sabra is saying her plan is to have fun…zzzzzz.
They're dancing to "Gotta Get Done" by Celia Cruz (it may be important to note that it's the "Spanglish remix"). Sabra's in a hot pink backless dress with a flower in her hair. She looks great. Danny's in a sleeveless white shirt and black paints. And then there are strobe lights -- just enough so that any epileptics watching the show are in the hospital right now.
Nigel says it's a shame they haven't partnered before, since they work so well together. "This was about your personalities and your performance, and that was superb, as usual." He suggests Sabra look at taking up ballroom and Latin work. He then complains that Danny is "too tall." Mary says initially the weight wasn't forward enough, but about halfway through, they started to relax and show off their personalities. "So you really nailed it by the time you got to the end for me." Dan says he was "a little…'okay'" in the beginning, and then they turned it on halfway through.
Now it's "down to you," America, Cat threatens. Vote good! Don't get it wrong!
Final thoughts: Nigel advises "America" to take into account not just tonight, but all season. Really? Isn't that different from how it usually works? Then he admits it would be nice to see a girl win, since that hasn't happened yet. It might be just me, but Neil looks like he can't believe Nigel just said that. Can't say I blame him for feeling a little bit handicapped here.
Mary says they all deserve a good night's sleep. "You have made it through one of the most grueling competitions and dance events of your life. You have been showcased, each one of you, tonight, and have been able to show your strengths, and I too feel that any one of you, I would be very happy and honoured to be the champion of the show." I guess the dancers aren't the only ones who need a good night's sleep. Dan talks about how they've all grown as performers and dancers, and then speaks on behalf of the choreographers about how it's been great to work with all of them.
Tomorrow: the top 20 are featured, there will be special guests, and Cat will be…dancing…with Nigel? It's like half my fantasy come true (and 100 percent true for Nigel).