Clark Luthor uses his Kryptonian mirror box to zap himself into Clark Kent's universe. Luthor tricks Clark into zapping himself into the other universe by just leaving the mirror box on a table and waiting for Clark to use it. It's a simple plan, but why waste good cheese in the trap when you know the rat can't tell the difference? Luthor then proceeds to flirt with Lois for a bit, but gives himself away when he slanders Clark's telescope. Either he doesn't realize she knows or he's too busy to kill her right off. He's eager to hook up with Tess, who also almost immediately recognizes that this sexually-charged piece of man isn't the Clark she knows. He drops the charade. He wants nothing more than to play house with sister Tess, as long as she tells him where to find Lionel. Tess is tempted, but refuses to let Luthor kill Lionel, which pleases her sexy bro not at all. Luckily, Emil has kept pieces of Clark's broken mirror box and is frantically working to restore it so that they can get him back.
Meanwhile, Clark finds himself in the other universe at the burial of Oliver Queen, dead by Ultraman's hand. He quickly convinces Lois Queen that he's the good version she met last time, but the rest of the city is against him, having been armed by Oliver with chunks of kryptonite. A drunken Jonathan Kent crashes the funeral, railing about the "rich brat" who stole his farm. Clark seeks him out at the farm, only to find himself Jonathan's prisoner. After a k-tinged walloping, he convinces Jonathan that he's not Clark Luthor. Before they can exchange hugs, Clark is zapped back to his own universe by the newly restored mirror box. He has a brief fight with his Luthor self that concludes in the Fortress, where Clark tells Luthor that it's not too late to be a hero, then uses some kind of Krypto-Mojo to restore him to his proper reality. Now in his own Fortress, Clark Luthor meets Jor-El for the first time and suddenly everything is all kittens and rainbows.
In the subplot, Martha has deeded the farm to Clark and Lois. They waffle about what to do with it, but eventually decide to sell it and move into an apartment in the city. If Shelby is still alive, he is going to be pissed.
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Previously on Smallville: Clark activated a "Kryptonian relic" that sent him into an alternate reality where he was Lionel Luthor's son and Tess's brother. At the same time, Clark Luthor traded places with him and wreaked havoc on the more familiar reality. Unlike Clark Kent, Clark Luthor had the hots for his sister and bore a scar on his wrist that Lex gave him with gold kryptonite. Also, he was a little more violent than the Kent version. The alternative Lionel followed Clark back to the familiar reality, where he's now alive and well, albeit dethroned by Tess.
Currently on Smallville: Can you believe this show will be over in a few hours? It should have ended years ago, but this season's been pretty decent. I might actually miss it when it's gone. At her Daily Planet desk, Lois is burning the midnight oil and then some. The little digital clock on her desk reads 4:44 as her head slumps forward onto her arm. There's a whoosh and some paper flutters. Several red takeout cartons appear on the desk, one of them still spinning in place. It must be full of Tasmanian Devil dumplings. Lois groggily picks up her head and sees Clark sitting across from her. "How was your day?" he asks. "That depends; what day is it?" she asks in return. Note that Clark isn't wearing his new glasses, even though it's almost five in the morning in a newspaper office and at least some people would be in there. As they chitchat over Chinese food, we learn that Lois has been putting in extra hours trying to snag a promotion. When she's doubtful over this course of action, Clark reminds her that he's seen her future in journalism. Where he hasn't been seeing her is back home at the farm. "You haven't been home five nights this week," he says, with surprisingly little whining. She reminds him that he's been "cavorting around Bangkok" lately. In his defense, he says he's been helping out after the floods there.
As they eat and tease, Clark goes through his mail. A letter from his mom says Conner's doing great in D.C. Did they really ship him off to stay with Martha? The super-busy politician? She's also sent them the deed to the farm, now signed over to the future marrieds. They're both stunned. "That's so... thoughtful," Lois manages to say. Lois wonders if Martha wants them to live there while Clark wonders if they're meant to sell it, what with all the commuting they've been doing lately. (And for the last ten years.) Why don't you just call and ask her? Or, hell, if Clark can zip off to Bangkok every night, surely popping off to Washington would be a simple task. Instead, they sit there looking sad and confused in silence for a while.
At the farm -- their farm -- a sinister wind is blowing. You can usually tell the difference between a normal wind and a sinister wind because the latter has dead leaves caught up in it. Also, it's accompanied by some sinister music. In the barn, the overhead fixtures begin to sway. There's a flash of light and then a man in a dark suit appears, clutching a Kryptonian mirror box in one hand. As he slides open the barn door, his branded wrist comes into view. Clark Luthor looks out over this tableau of farm-fresh goodness and gives it the barest of smiles. "Home sweet home," he says. Somebody save... well, there's nobody to save yet. Try again later, Remy Zero.
After that teaser, everything is sunny and happy at the farm. Lois, having stopped by for a fresh change of clothes, is soon surprised by the appearance of an aggressively cheerful real-estate agent on the doorstep. This lady with the permanent grin and sing-song voice introduces herself as Marge Manners and promptly renders her name ironic by barging inside without an invite. She finds the house quite charming and seems eager to sell, sell, sell! In an effort to downplay the house's saleability, Lois points out all the house's flaws, like the sooty fireplace and rickety stairs, but Miss Manners is undeterred. As soon as the agent has disappeared upstairs, Lois mutters to herself, "Clark Kent, if I weren't already late I'd kick your bulletproof ass right now."
Speaking of that bulletproof ass, it's currently speeding its way to Smallville along with the rest of Clark's anatomy. He slows to a walk when he gets to the barn and tells his mom on the phone that he's thankful for the farm and say hi to Conner. As he hangs up, he notices that his loft is in disarray. Clothes have been strewn about the couch, books tilt over each other like fallen dominoes and his knickknack trunk is wide open. His face goes worried. If someone's stolen his porn stash, so help him... He glances around some more and sees the mirror box sitting on the corner of his old desk. Why they call it a box when it looks like a big metallic suppository is a mystery. Clark picks it up. The symbols are out of alignment. "Talk about nature versus nurture," Clark Luthor says, walking up behind him. Actually, please don't talk about it. This show can't decide what side it's on, and it's just headache territory all around. "I'm assuming you destroyed yours," Luthor says. "That explains why we didn't switch places." He fiddles with his pinky ring while Clark gapes at him. "Seems that makes this a one-way trip," he goes on to say. He rushes out of the room at super-speed. Clark--our Clark--looks down at his hands where the mirror box's symbols have now been properly aligned. Did Clark Luthor zip over and twist the box or did Clark Kent panic at the sight of his other self super-speeding by him? The staging of the scene isn't really clear. Either way, it's not a great testimony to Kent's intelligence or quick thinking. He's instantly consumed by crackling light and vanishes into thin air. If the alternate universe has dictionaries, he should really make it a priority to find out what "one-way" means.
He materializes in a cemetery under a cloudy gray sky. Back in the barn, Clark Luthor picks up his dorky twin's cellphone and steps on the mirror box, shattering it. "Like they say, you can't go home again," he says to nobody. In the alternate Smallville, a confused Clark staggers toward a funeral gathering. A priest bids farewell to Oliver Queen and offers his support to Mrs. Queen. In this reality, this is Lois, who was so torn up about her husband's passing that she put on the wonkiest wig she could find. As she lays a bouquet of lilies on Oliver's casket, she catches sight of Clark peering at her from behind a monument. Clark looks like he wants to offer some words of consolation, but a gravelly voice interrupts the somber proceedings, shouting, "He got what he deserved, the rich brat!" Everyone turns to look as a clearly drunken Jonathan Kent forces his way into the group. "He stole all of our land!" He shoves some guys out of the way, railing about how Oliver ruined the whole town. He spits on the casket. Clark watches in dismay.
Lois slips away from the crowd so that she can confront Clark with a chunk of kryptonite. "You have some nerve showing up here after you put him in that grave," she says. Clark gets barfy and backs away from her, protesting that he's not Clark Luthor. Lois advances on him, denouncing him as the most hated man on the planet. Everyone wants him dead, she tells him. He stumbles and lands near an angel statue. She holds off on killing him, though, because she has a heart or something like that. "I'm not him," Clark burbles. "He sent me from my world!" Clark reminds her of their meeting on the roof, and how he told her he didn't want to live in a world... "...where I didn't love you," Lois remembers. She stashes away the kryptonite. She warns him that everyone carries meteor rock now, thanks to Oliver. She tells him to run and that she'll cover for him. They stare at each other for too long as the gathering disperses and Jonathan is led away.
Back in the familiar universe, Clark Luthor has gotten a text from Lois, telling him to meet her at an apartment on Main Street. He pockets the phone, then notices the ring on his finger and pockets it, as well. He stands in the middle of the city, looking around as shrill music crescendos. The music's trying really hard to ramp up the suspense, but then Luthor just... walks away very calmly. Commercials.
Main Street. The apartment is kind of dirty and really old, but it has nice brick walls and you probably can't hear your neighbors too much. Well, unless you have super-hearing. Lois is already inside when Luthor opens the door. She's setting up Clark's telescope near a window. "Thanks for coming," she says. "After I left three messages, I got the feeling you might be mad." Luthor notices an old newspaper bearing a headline about the Blur's heroism. Lois babbles about the real estate agent that she assumes Clark sent. She further assumes that said agent blabbed about what a psycho Lois was. Lois tries to explain herself: "I never really had a permanent home growing up, and I remember living there with your folks, even though I thought you were a total dork at the time." She's being very sweet and conciliatory while Luthor watches her floundering with amusement. "You're kinda cute when you squirm," he says. This tickles her and encourages her to take a few steps toward him. She goes on to say she was afraid of losing the only home she's ever known. Luthor says something encouraging and she gives him a big hug. He's having fun fooling her.
When she says they can have a new start in this apartment, he makes a pretty good imitation of Clark's puppy-face. He doesn't think they can have a new start as long as Lionel Luthor is out there. Lois teases that he's "hooked on our Lionel-cam" and such a thing might be responsible for his late nights. The voyeurism continues! Luthor tries to sweet-talk Lois into taking him to wherever this Lionel-cam is, but Tess is the one with the GPS system. He gets Lois to tell him where Tess is by pretending he hasn't been able to reach her. Turns out she's taking bids on whatever's left of the mansion. Up to this point, he's been pretty smart, but then when Lois shows him around the apartment, he tips the telescope into a box saying they need to "get rid of this stargazer's junk." This immediately sets off warning bells for Lois. Clark so callously dismissing the phallic friend of his youth? Unpossible! She tries her best not to reveal that she's onto him. When she hears sirens in the distance, she prompts him to go help out. As soon as he's gone, she immediately dials Tess.
At the mansion, Tess's phone vibrates unnoticed while Tess leads a small group of men through the ruins. "I don't want development proposals," she says, "I want an estimate on how much it will cost to tear this place down." A guy who looks kind of like Corbin Bernsen starts to recite something out of the bullshit contractor play book, then thinks better of it when Tess fixes him with a look. He slinks off to do whatever she wants, leaving her alone in the room when Clark Luthor walks in. He looks around, stunned. Tess mistakes his look of dismay for something else. "Don't worry, the weeds will grow up and take the place over," she says. "They are Luthor weeds, after all." Even botanical Luthors are inherently pernicious? Those are some damn crazy genes.
Luthor waxes distraught about the family that once lived there, which seems an odd sentiment, considering the hell he went through in his own reality's mansion. Tess only half-jokingly invites him to use his powers to raze the place to the ground. He responds by saying that it won't change the fact that she's a Luthor. She's stung, which doesn't seem to have been his intention. He tries to empathize with her, saying he knows how lonely it is to go through life with a mark on you. "Being the world's greatest hero's just a little bit different from being Satan's child," she says. "Angel or devil is in the eye of he who beholds it," Luthor says. Tess laughs at all this hoity-toity talk until she notices that "Clark" is absentmindedly rubbing his bare ring finger. The real Clark never rubs his finger! He sees the way she's looking at him and drops the charade. He gives her a naughty little smile and advances on her even as she backs away. "Considering our undeniable chemistry, I'd be a little hurt if you didn't recognize me, Sis." She asks about Clark, but Luthor avoids the topic. "The only thing that matters in this world is you," he says, "and dear old Dad." I hope he's not planning on seducing Lionel, too. Or maybe I kind of do. In for a penny, in for a pound. The contractors wander back into the room, spoiling the mood. Luthor backs away with a promise toward the future. Tess stands there looking stricken.
Alt-Smallville. Clark walks into the rat-infested mess that is the Kent farm. The windows are broken, dirt and leaves litter the floor. Clark is as distraught at seeing his home in such a state as his doppelganger was seeing the ruined mansion. "Dad?" he calls out. He's not your dad in this reality, doofus! No one answers, so he tries again: "Jonathan? Mr. Kent?" He goes upstairs where he's promptly greeted by a lead pipe to the face. He falls backwards down the steps, face bleeding, and lands on the floor below. Jonathan stands over him, pipe in one hand and a big chunk of glowing green kryptonite in the other. Man, he looks rough. Like if he showed up to an open casting call for Shameless they'd send him away for looking too poor and drunk.
In a sunnier Smallville, Emil and Lois are huddled together in the Kent kitchen, poring over the broken pieces of one of the mirror boxes. Emil fits two shards together under some sort of technological doohickey. "Clark thought he destroyed that months ago," Lois says. "He's not going to like the fact that you and Tess snagged this from behind his back." Emil gives Lois a very tired look and says that the big dumb idiot can just suck it. Or words to that effect. He zaps the pieces of the mirror box with a laser from the doohickey.
Watchtower. Clark Luthor is trying to hack into the computers without success. When he's foiled by a password screen, he goes all CLARK SMASH! and knocks the thing to the ground.
Daily Planet. Tess is making her way through the building while she catches up with Lois via phone. She hasn't been able to find "Clark's darker side" yet but she'll try to stall him if she does, she says. When she reaches her office, she finds a box waiting on her desk, wrapped up in red and gold like it's Christmas. She hangs up with Lois without telling her of this latest development. Inside the box are a pair of strappy heels and a dress made of some slinky purple fabric. There's a note: "Ace of Clubs 8:00 Tonight. - CL." There's the oddest expression on her face. She's not entirely displeased by the gift or the invitation, but she's clearly conflicted. "I can't wait to see you in it," Luthor says, having suddenly appeared behind her. He sounds crazy creepy, like he might want to sleep with her or he might want to eat her liver. When she's surprised that the dress is the right size, Luthor slinks around her, practically sniffing her hair. He says he knows everything about her. Except what her liver tastes like. Her eyes roll up like she's about to swoon, but he suddenly vanishes, leaving her to stew in her naughty thoughts alone.
Alt-Smallville. Clark, sweaty and tied to a chair, is just regaining consciousness. He struggles in vain; Jonathan is standing beside him, still wielding the kryptonite chunk. "I'm not who you think I am," Clark says. Au contraire! "The day you got here was the worst day of my life," Jonathan says. That's really saying something, judging by how bad he looks now. Jonathan tells him about the day of the meteor shower and how it ruined his farm. "Then Queen comes along and buys it all out from under me and won't give me a chance to get it back," he says. Well, he's dead now, so... you win? Just in case you didn't remember it from "Luthor," Jonathan tells us about Queen's plans to buy all the land in the area so he could get to the kryptonite. Or "stupid little green rocks," as Jonathan calls them. He shoves the chunk in Clark's face for emphasis. Clark pants and groans in pain and tries again to reason with Jonathan. Then he notices a makeshift bed by the window and realizes Jonathan's still been living there. Jonathan brags that he found gold after the meteor shower, so you know gold kryptonite is going to figure in the finale somehow. He'd thought he would cash in on it, but now he figures he'll make more money turning Clark in for a reward. Jonathan leers at Clark, their faces inches away. Lord, I bet that man's breath reeks. "What about Mom?" Clark asks. "Martha," he corrects himself. "What does any of this mean without her?" The mention of her name doesn't bring back happy memories for Jonathan. Seems Martha left him and he's pretty bitter about it. When Clark presses the issue, Jonathan kicks him in the ribs hard enough to break the chair and send him crashing to the floor. Clark tries to explain about coming from a different world where the Kents raised him. "Just untie me," Clark begs. "If you don't believe me, then you'll have a great story to tell Bill and Remy down at the feed shop." Jonathan looks stunned. Nobody knows about Bill and Remy!
Ace of Clubs. Clark Luthor steps out of the elevator all gussied up in a three-piece suit. Tess is waiting for him at the bar and she's wearing the dress he gifted her. She looks so awesome that I only briefly notice her unfortunate choice of hairstyle. She's excited to see him but tries not to look it. "Now this fits you perfectly," he says, cozying up to her. She smiles and her mouth moves around a bit before any words finally come out. "I'm not sure what to say," she admits. He flirtatiously insults her by saying talking has never been her strong suit. Instead of calling him a jerk, she lets him move very close to her and even tilts her chin up as if for a kiss. He bypasses her lips and instead kisses her neck. Then, playing it cool, he walks away from her. Somehow she manages to follow him despite the fact that her loins have just burst into flames.
You'd think that bit of foreplay was leading to the boudoir, but the sibs have retired to their table. "Why did you out yourself to me?" Tess asks. "You would have figured it out," Luthor says. "Then I would have known." He points out that she gets flustered around him. It's that whole "horny cannibal" thing you have going on, dude. But the point is that she wouldn't be nervous around Clark Kent. "You'd be in control," he says. When she protests that she's still in control, Luthor accuses her of lying to herself. Before she can respond to that, a waiter brings their food. Tess waits till he's gone, then says, "I'm not the Tess you knew in your world." "Not entirely," he agrees, "but I am looking forward to discovering the differences." The conversation turns again to Clark Kent, or Tess's "country crush" as Clark Luthor calls him. Clark doesn't appreciate Tess as a woman, he says suggestively. Tess's bullshit meter finally kicks in and makes her demand to know just what this hot alien visitor from another reality wants. His answer? "You... and Dad. For different reasons, of course." Damn.
Tess seems disappointed to realize he's using her to get to get to Lionel. She says she won't be the one to help him kill Lionel. But Luthor thinks otherwise. He thinks Tess is waiting for him to save her. He gives her a long, intense stare, guesses she has nightmares of abandonment and dreams of defeating Lionel. She looks away. "I can give you that," he says. He promises her a life together, then asks for a second chance. Where he's from, everyone knows how to kill him. He wants a new start here, where he won't be dumb enough to reveal his identity to everyone. He calls it a "kill or be killed" situation and drives home the point by cutting into the grossest, gristliest steak I've ever seen. Maybe it came from a mutant cow. Tess realizes if she doesn't help him, he'll kill her, too. And then he'll tenderize her and broil her with garlic butter.
Alt-Smallville. Jonathan has untied Clark and stashed his k-chunk in a small lead box. "I figure you got about five minutes before the cops show up out here." He can run to Bangkok and back in that time! (But not to Washington D.C.) As final proof of his identity, Clark goes straight to a shotgun Jonathan keeps above the door. Jonathan reacts by scampering away and opening the lead box. Clark explains, "This was Grandpa's. You kept it close when the coyotes came after the livestock." He puts the gun down. Jonathan looks even more confused than before, so Clark tells him about all the things his Jonathan taught him. Things like how important it is to be honest (ha!) and how to whip out a platitude for every possible situation. "You taught me the only person in control of your destiny..." "...is you," Jonathan finishes for him. This pierces through his alcoholic haze and he closes the box for good. Clark claps a hand on Jonathan's shoulder and says some more stuff about being a hero and destinies that we've heard no less than a thousand times in ten years. For an episode with an alternate universe and two super-powered aliens, there's just so much standing around and talking.
"I lost you," Clark says. Jonathan sniffles and reminds him he needs to get out of there. Clark doesn't want to leave Jonathan. Jonathan's pretty down on himself for being a loser who's squatting in his former house. "It's not the place; it's the people in it," Clark says. He tells Jonathan to go find Martha. "It's better to risk everything than to hold onto nothing." Jonathan is helpless in the face of such skilled platitudinizing. He learned from the master. They hear sirens in the distance, coming closer. Jonathan tells him to get going. "Goodbye and good luck," he says. After a long, emotive pause, he calls Clark "Son." As they approach each other for a hug, Clark is suddenly sucked into a flash of light. He wails in frustration.
He lands with a thud on the sunny kitchen floor in his own reality. Lois runs over and embraces him. Emil gives them a proud smile tinged with exhaustion. "Where's Clark Luthor? I need to find him." I bet he's in one of the four or five places everybody goes on this show. If he's not on that one multipurpose street corner or at the Grungy Warehouse of the Week, that narrows things way down.
Indeed, he's currently dragging Tess into her LuthorCorp office. They're still wearing the clothes from their date. Is it the night now? What the hell? He gives her a little shove toward her desk. She blathers some excuse about the satellite they use to track Lionel. "This could take me a little," she says. He uses the time to squeeze in a little extra creepiness. He circles around behind her and closes his hands around her neck. He squeezes ever so slightly, then moves down to her shoulders. This has finally crossed Tess's threshold of weird turn-ons and she looks like she's going to vomit and cry, possibly at the same time. She tries to deny his accusation that she's "wrestling with the morality" of killing Lionel. The computer beeps and she gives him a GPS that she says will lead him to Lionel. Bro gives the back of her neck another squeeze. "I'll be back," he says. "To start our new life together." Her eyes tear up but she manages to hold it together until he zips out of the room.
She quickly taps away at the computer, rerouting the signal. A moment later, Luthor returns. "Did you find him?" Tess asks with false hope. "Or did he elude us again?" "It's done," Luthor says. He gives her a smile and shoves the desk aside. As he advances on her, the smile fades. "Now it's time to celebrate," he says. He looks like a total psycho. He leans in to kiss her, but she turns her face away. He drops any tiny pretense. He knows she reprogrammed the tracker. In a scary calm whisper, he tells her that he's going to kill her. Holding her by the throat, he shoves her through the window. Crappy CGI glass shatters. Lucky for Tess, her head does not splat like a melon with the force that would be required for such a feat. Luthor dangles her high above the city street. "You chose him over me, Tess," he says. "He's my father," she says. She would shrug helplessly if she could. Luthor calls their father a monster, which, you know, takes one to know one, as the kids say on the playground. Tess is holding onto his wrist for dear life. Whether what she says is true or an appeal to save her life (or both, I don't know, but it's sad, nonetheless. And it is this: "You said we could have a life together, and in some twisted, messed-up way, it's what I want... with you. I can't bear it, but I do." Luthor leans down, gives her a look of disgust, and says he can't trust her. As he dangles her further out the window, a blur whooshes by and snatches her from his hand. He stares at empty space, agog.
A moment later, Clark whooshes into the office. "How good of you to join us," Luthor snarks. They establish that Tess has been stashed someplace safe, much to Luthor's annoyance. He charges at Clark and sends him crashing through the office's glass doors. I was hoping for more of a Good Kira/Bad Kira flirtation, but whatever. The crash is in slow motion so that Clark's grunt sounds like a yeti in mid orgasm. Clark gets to his feet, shaken. "I guess without the darker side, you're no match for me," Luthor says. Clark whooshes away. After a moment, Luthor follows.
thing you know, they're zipping their way to the Fortress of Solitude. They tackle each other to the ground, then stand up and regard each other warily. "Thanks for coming," Clark says. "Not yet, but maybe later," Luthor says with a waggle of his brows. Oh, fine, that's not what he says. He realizes that Clark tricked him here by pretending to suck at fighting. When Clark tells him that their birth father is here, Luthor sneers that the Fortress is "a music box without the music." Which sort of makes it just a regular box, right? Luthor had a Fortress in his reality, but there was no Jor-El. Clark blames that on Lionel. He talks up the Fortress and Jor-El's teachings, carefully leaving out the parts where his space dad acted like a total dictatorial douche. Clark tells Luthor he can redeem himself. His proof? "You could have killed Tess in an instant, but something was holding you back." Dude, he was toying with her. Taking one's time isn't the same as hesitating.
Clark goes on: "You can go to your world and show people what you can give them, change their minds." Luthor almost instantly softens. Golly, all he was waiting for was someone to be nice to him for twenty seconds! He asks Clark why he believes in him, and Clark's all, "I know you," which, no, he doesn't. But Clark says some magical words about not being defined by his past and makes Luthor look all sad and doubtful. Clark asks for his trust, then calls out to Jor-El. A clump of crystals lights up and suddenly Clark Luthor is in the Fortress of his own reality. "Father?" he calls out. The gritty grayness of the alt-world is suddenly replaced by color and clarity. "Welcome home, my son," greets Jor-El. As the camera pans back, things seem a bit odd. The Fortress seems to be a miniature version amid much larger crystals. Did Clark trap him? Shrink him? Are we going to find out before the end of the series?
Metropolis. Tess and Emil walk along that multipurpose street and talk about gold kryptonite. Emil's done some research and found out the stuff really does exist. Moreover, it has the ability to permanently take away Clark's powers. Foreshadowing! But not exactly suspenseful. The conversation turns, with Emil's steering, to Tess's date with Clark Luthor. He calls it "romantic" and Tess disabuses him of that notion, seeing as how she nearly got killed. Having seen the date himself from surveillance footage, Emil says Tess seemed tempted, not just by Clark Luthor, but by his offer to kill Lionel. "That's not the Tess I know," Emil says gently. It's Smallville, buddy. Character traits and motivations change from week to week.
Farm. Clark takes a break from stacking firewood to gaze out at the sun-dappled fields and picturesque barn. Lois joins him on the porch and notices that he's wearing Jonathan's old jacket. They sit together and drink beers and Lois asks him about what happened "on the other side." For some reason, Clark declines to talk about it. "I was just trying to find my way home," is all he says about it. The talk turns to their current home. Clark says he's not the one who called the Realtor. Turns out the agent got wind of the deed switch and took it upon herself to visit the farm. But, as Clark admits, it did point out a few problems they've been ignoring. With their hectic lives, they don't really have time for the farm. "I've known we should be moving to Metropolis for a while now," he says. "I guess I was afraid that I'd lose myself if I let it all go." You could always lease the farm, you know. It's always all-or-nothing with these people. Clark wonders if he's been using the farm and his fears as an excuse not to move on. "It's not the place that makes the home," he says. "Smallville is my home, Clark," Lois says. She means, of course, Clark "Smallville" Kent. She's supportive of whatever decision he makes. If he thinks they need to move, then she's with him. Clark says he'll call the Realtor in the morning. They snuggle together on the porch and look wistful together.
Alt-Metropolis. Things still look gritty and gray, but Jonathan Kent has done a respectable job of cleaning himself up. He's not GQ-ready quite yet, but at least he doesn't appear to reek of vomit and booze anymore. He makes his way to a small apartment building while the Woodwinds of Lost Opportunities play in the background. He walks up the steps and pauses for a long while before pushing the button to Martha's name. (The other names, in case you were wondering, are L. Ganderton and Mr. & Mrs. M. Howes.) He waits for a response as the credits roll.
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Tippi Blevins is going to put on nice suit and pretend to be the evil version of herself. You can reach her at b_tippi@yahoo.com or http://twitter.com/tippib.