Frankenville

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This show is a lot like Frankenstein's monster, cobbled together out of odd pieces and reanimated only to shuffle along like some unholy mishmash of creation. We have the pieces that happen off-screen and the pieces that happen on-screen, which are then stitched together and shot through with bolts of exposition and special effects to try to create something resembling a TV show. This week, we learn of things that have been happening off-screen: Chloe has been embezzling money from one of Oliver's companies in order to stockpile Kryptonite weapons to fight the Kandorians when they inevitably run amok. We also hear of a few Kandorian scientists who have been bringing human corpses back to life in order to find a way to gain their powers. Chloe and Oliver have also been apparently carrying on in some way intimate enough to lead her to believe a visit he pays her is of the sexy kind.

Alas, it's not. He shows up on-screen so we can learn of the embezzling/weapons plot and so he and Chloe can debate whether or not they trust Clark enough to let him in on it. One of those corpses the Kandorians experimented on shows up to tell Lois about how he was experimented on. When she thinks he's a UFO conspiracy weirdo, he kidnaps her and forces her to write an alien exposé. He's also kidnapped several Kandorians, including Faora's heretofore unseen sister Vala. No one besides Zod seems very curious about the terroristic attacks on the towers, which police have apparently explained away as an accident. Clark and Zod both try to rescue Vala, but Zod gets shot in the process and dies. Clark brings him back to life by dripping some of his own blood into Zod's wound. He and Clark make up, or so it seems, because Clark's blood didn't just save Zod, it gave him super powers. Zod leaps from the top of the Daily Planet building and zooms across the sky, having learned how to fly somewhere off-screen.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what other superbeings have crossed Clark in our guide to the Heroes and Villains of Smallville!

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It's a dark and stormy night in Metropolis when we join Faora at a newsstand. She fingers her Kandorian tag thoughtfully and gazes at a copy of the Daily Planet. There's a picture of the solar towers in mid-inferno and the headline reads, "TOWER OF TOMORROW TERMINATED." None of that emphasis is mine. That angry, trumpet-blowing elephant shows up in the soundtrack again. I feel like that elephant is really starting become a part of the cast. Also? What a horrible, horrible newspaper headline. [Haaaaaave you read the Daily News? - Zach] Clark doop-de-doops up to Faora, all cheerful smiles until he sees her flashing her tag. "It's not a good idea to advertise you're from another planet," he says, loud enough to advertise to any passersby that she's from another planet. She makes no effort to conceal the tag because she's got Kryptonian pride. He tells her it's just while she's in public, to "play it safe." She gets all het up. "How can we play it safe when someone destroyed our tower?" She says it in an angry, accusatory tone that makes it sound like she knows Clark is responsible. But then she goes on to say anyone could have done it. Clark looks a little gassy. She puts her tag away and says she doesn't know who to trust anymore. They walk away from the newsstand. Clark says he knows how much the tower meant to them, but you can't change what's in the past. "Zod said it was our salvation," Faora says. Clark says Zod was wrong. "Trust me, the future will be much brighter without it." Somehow, this doesn't make Faora at all suspicious of Clark's guilt. Instead, she focuses on the one thing that gives her hope: the sister Clark found and brought back to her. They stop outside a bookstore where the sister in question now works. She sees them and runs up to hug Clark, calling him "Kal-El." He reminds her to call him by his human name, Douche-Face. She beams up at him. Clark says he just wanted to make sure they were both adjusting. Faora snits that it would be easier if they had their powers. [Which I don't get, because they didn't have any powers on Krypton, and it seems like super powers make it harder to fit in, not easier. - Zach] The sister, who never stops beaming at Clark, says they have nothing to fear. "He'll protect us." They all hear a police siren and little sister tells Clark to go help. He whooshes away, in front of everyone on the street. The sister is all googly-eyed, but Faora tells her not to get her hopes up. "He's in love with a human." [Filthy mudblood! - Z] She tells sister to close up the store and meet her for coffee.

Little sister goes into the darkened bookstore and grabs her keys. As she does so, the door opens behind her. She sighs, "Sorry, we're closed." I know just how she feels. You spend all day dealing with customers and trying to be human and all you want to do is go home and kick your shoes off. She turns to face a seemingly empty store. "Hello?" she calls out. She creeps toward the door, peering around her. Still seeing no one, she closes the door and pulls the window shade. She turns out the lights, which makes things even darker. See, turning off the lights would be the last thing I did before I left, but this girl heads back into the store. She gets no more than a few feet before someone blocks her path. She screams and turns to run, but a man reaches out from the darkness to grab her. White fog jets out from an apparatus on his wrist, knocking her out. As she falls and the fog clears, we see the gas mask the man is wearing. The camera zooms in on the black pit of his eye, which morphs into the girl's, now wide open and terrified. She glances around and sees that she's been strapped into some some kind of shower stall of doom. She's been stripped down to her underthings, and wrapped in plastic. As the camera pans out, two other horrific shower stalls come into view, one occupied by a man and the other a woman. Clear tubing like alien intestines feed into the stalls. All three occupants gaze around them in horror. Somebody save them!

Daily Planet. Lois is typing at her computer when a ringing comes from her desk drawer. She glances around before opening the drawer and fishing out the phone. The message on the screen reads simply, "THE WALL." The back of the phone bears the Checkmate symbol. Clark walks up behind her and she hurriedly stuffs the phone back into the drawer. (I think it's the thing that Waller gave her, that I mistook for a portable hard drive.) Clark asks what she's up to and she makes some excuse about juggling deadlines. She asks the same of him and he makes some excuse about his assignments. They stop lying to each other long enough to flirt. Lois points out that they haven't been seeing much of each other lately. Clark steps very close to her and suggests they make plans to visit the romantic café across the street. "I see a table for two in our future," Lois says. They make with the cute eyes, but their flirtation is interrupted when Faora shows up. She calls out to Clark, but for a moment he's too invested in ogling Lois to notice. Lois asks, "Who's the femme fatale?" Clark notices her and lies, "An assignment that I can't put off." Clark leads Faora away. She's not supposed to visit him at the office, but she didn't want Zod to know she was contacting him. "He doesn't trust you, Kal-El," she says like she's delivering bad news. To that, I say: duh. Her sister Vala's been kidnapped and Faora thinks Clark's the only one who can help. Clark frowns ever so slightly.

Oliver's office. Now we come to the "Shirtless Justin Hartley" portion of the program. To that, I say: yay. He walks out of the bathroom, all freshly showered and toweling off his bare torso. Holy crap, his office is decorated with a folding screen that has dozens of green arrows on it. How does no one figure out his superhero identity? Are they blind? Are they just dim? He finds Tess sitting at his desk. "Judging by the grim look on your face," he says by way of greeting, "I'd say you're not here for the peepshow." No, that would be why I'm here. Goodness knows it's not for the writing. "Who died?" he asks. "My billion-dollar dream for an energy-efficient solar tower," Tess replies. She wonders why Oliver's not more upset, considering all the money their company spent. The more pertinent question is why in the hell did he let his money go to building this doomsday device in the first place? Oliver blahs about wanting a project that's more fiscally responsible. Tess thinks maybe he's happy the towers were destroyed. "I hope you're not pointing any fingers at me," he says. He also says the investigators determined it was a "freak accident." Seriously? Were these investigators too busy making macaroni art in kindergarten class to come up with a better explanation? Tess walks over to him and tries to guilt him into telling her the truth. He doesn't flinch. Horrifically, she tosses him a shirt and he puts it on. They finally get around to the real reason Tess is there: Someone at one of Oliver's subsidiaries is embezzling funds. She shows him computer printouts and tells him to fix it. He looks over the numbers with a frown.

Bookstore. Clark shows up to find Zod already there. Zod says, without looking up, that Clark is too late. "I've made sure the police know nothing about this," he says, "and I've cleared up before the owner arrives." You might want to "clear up" the big honking Kandorian symbol that's been spray-painted onto the counter, then. He finally turns to face Clark and tells him to go back to saving humans, saying the word like it tastes bad. Clark says he wants to find Vala, but Zod doesn't want his help. He blames Clark for making them assimilate, which put them in danger. So... Clark is like the Borg? Zod also accuses him of trying to drive a wedge between him and his "peephole." I think he means "people." Now Vala and two other soldiers have been taken. The latter is news to Clark. He goes over to look at the painted symbol. Zod's facial expression as Clark passes him is one of utter disgust. "Someone is hunting us," Zod spits. "We can't defend ourselves because you won't give us our powers." Clark insists he can't just give them powers. Zod explodes in a rage, accusing Clark of burning down the solar towers. He throws a punch, but Clark catches his fist. Zod looks like he's going to cry. Clark looks like his face is made of stone. After a moment, he releases Zod's hand. Zod forces himself to calm down. He wants Clark to at least admit what he's done. "What I did was right," Clark says. Zod threatens to tell the soldiers, but Clark thinks Zod won't do that, because he doesn't know which of them are still loyal to him. Clark then pours some salt and lemon juice into the wound: "And the fact that that tower is down leaves you weaker than ever." Zod says, very quietly, that their people's blood is on his hands. He sniffs at Clark like he smells of assholes. He leaves Clark to stare at the symbol some more.

I don't know why they keep referring to the towers in the singular, because there are two of them. I mean, they're connected, but it's still two thingies. I'm going to keep referring to them in the plural. Screw the show and their inability to count higher than one!

Back to the shower of doom. Vala's shower stall is held aloft by chains and pulleys, which suddenly crank into motion so that she turns to face the man in the gas mask. She whimpers and gasps. The man takes off the mask. Underneath, he's wearing a black watchman's cap. He has very pretty eyes for a psycho. He also looks like he hasn't shaved or cleaned up in a while, though. Vala begs for her freedom. Psycho says, "Oh, I don't want you contaminating things, alien." She protests she's not an alien. He exposits about how he'd thought all of the aliens had left Earth, but when he saw Vala and the others he knew they were planning to colonize the planet. Vala continues to protest, but Psycho says he's gathering proof. "I'm going to share it with the rest of the world," he says. "When they learn the truth, all of you will be hunted down and exterminated." He says the last through his teeth. He cranks Vala's shower stall so that she has a clear view of a severed arm that's hanging in a display case. A Kandorian tattoo marks the flesh. Vala screams. Psycho picks up a saw and starts hacking away at someone on an examination table. Blood spatters everywhere. Hope y'all weren't enjoying a nice spaghetti meal during that. Commercials.

Talon apartment. Chloe is tapping away at a laptop. Is she telecommuting? Doesn't she normally do this at the Watchtower? Oliver walks in through the door without knocking. Chloe lights up. She walks over to Oliver, purring, "Just the interruption I was hoping for." Don't get too excited, lady; he keeps his shirt on for the rest of the episode. She has on another green top. Oliver walks past her without greeting and turns up some rock music on her laptop. At first, she's puzzled, but then she thinks it's mood music when Oliver plants himself in front of her. She tilts her head up and says she likes where this is going. He leans down close enough to kiss her, but their lips barely brush. "It's not a booty call," he whispers. Chloe pulls back slightly, blinking. "I think Tess Mercer might be listening," he says. Kinky. Still leaning over her, Oliver says he knows that Chloe's been stealing money from him. Chloe holds his gaze for a long while before lowering her lashes. "It's not like that," she says. He scoffs, surprised that Chloe would use him for his money like the other women he's known. The rock music changes to tinkly piano notes. Chloe says it's not like that; she was borrowing the cash. "I'm buying insurance for the entire planet," she tells him. Well, that's a relief, because I don't think Congress is ever going to agree on a health care bill. Oliver searches Chloe's eyes.

Random grimy warehouse. Faora paces. Clark zips in with a whoosh and she rushes over to him. "Have you found my sister?" "Not yet," he says, "but I haven't given up." He asks about the other abductees that Zod mentioned. How was Vala connected to them? Faora explains that they were "cybernetic engineers" who were experimenting on humans to learn how to get their powers. The music becomes tense. Clark frowns a little as he tries to figure out what "cybernetic" means.

The sad music of lonely dinners plays as Lois steps into a small café and finds a seat at a table. She orders wine for one and busies herself by reading a newspaper. Around her, couples are kissing. People are even kissing in the newspaper, as if to remind her of her solitude. She sighs. "Miss Lane," a voice says. She folds down her paper and sees the alien-abducting psycho. He introduces himself as Dr. Bernard Chisolm. He has a news story for Lois. Lois politely rebuffs him, but he promises the story will make her career. She gives him another moment of her attention and almost immediately regrets it as he starts blathering about aliens. She tells him to try contacting a reporter through the mail time. She gets up to leave, but Bernie stops her. He sent her dozens of letters, he says. "Well, considering your story's alien angle, those letters probably never made it off the wacko pile," she says. I guess things have changed since she got her job at the Planet with an alien story. (Thanks to the forum peeps for refreshing my memory about that.) She brushes past Bernie, but he says he's captured some of the aliens. She turns to look at him. "They're under lock and key," he whispers. He begs her to come with him and help him spread the word. She feigns interest in order not to anger the psycho and makes some excuse about needing to call her editor first. Then, for some unfathomable reason, she pretends like she can't get a signal inside so she goes around the corner outside to call the police. Where it's dark and there are no witnesses. Bernie, realizing he's been played, follows her out and levels a gun at the back of her head before she can finish the call. "I'd hoped you'd enlist to fight our war," he says, "but I guess you'll have to be drafted." That's cool, because she even has a military-themed jacket on. Commercials.

Back from the commercials, Lois is chained to a desk in Bernie's Shower Lab of Doom. Her hands hover over a keyboard as she struggles to find a believable way to bring Misery Chastain back to life. Bernard shows her a box of microscope slides that have been dotted with blood. That's his proof, he says, along with all the notes he's taken. He shows her a notebook full of Kandorian symbols, mathematical formulas, and scrawled writing. He can't just show them to the world, though, because they'll be dismissed. "If they come from a legitimate news source, the public will listen," he says. Lois agrees to write the story, but tells him no one will believe it. "They will when they see the body parts I've harvested," he says. He's already sent samples to labs all over the world. He pulls back a plastic curtain, showing Lois the shower stalls. Two of them are empty except for splatters of blood. The third holds Vala, who pleads with her eyes for help. Bernie explains he's going to cryogenically preserve her. Lois tries to get up, but her chains hold fast. She attempts to reason with the good doctor by basically telling him he's a nutjob, which goes about as well as one would expect. He pulls some levers and cold air starts to fill Vala's shower stall. He's despondent that Lois still doesn't believe him, so he takes off his cap to show her the experiments the aliens performed on him. His scalp looks like a turkey-jerky sort of Pinhead, with holes at the intersections of his scars. He shows her the 3-inch-long Kryptonite spikes he's since removed and says he remembers dying before the aliens brought him back to life and poked at his brain. Lois thinks he should be thanking them for saving his life instead of abducting them. He shouts that when he died, he had peace, but now he can't shut off his brain. The trumpet-playing elephant blasts a note of sympathy. "I can't stop thinking," he says. "I have thoughts that no person should have." He tells Lois it's their job to save mankind. She stares at him, wide-eyed.

Metropolis General Hospital. Faora and Clark walk around the halls, waiting for the medical examiner. Clark asks about the people Vala and the others experimented on. Faora says the bodies were stolen from the morgue. "When the experiments failed, they left the bodies behind for the authorities to find." That seems dumb. I mean, if you're going to be so uncouth as to steal dead bodies, it seems like you'd go the extra step to destroy them so as to not leave evidence of your experiments. Faora assures Clark that no one was killed. "That doesn't make it right," Clark says. They're having this conversation as hospital staff mill about well within earshot. Clark says Zod should never have allowed it. Faora says Zod didn't know about the tests, but Clark doesn't believe that. Come on, Clark, he's a villain on Smallville; of course he has no idea what his minions are doing. Faora gets on Clark's case for passing judgment on Zod. She tells him how Zod nearly died in Argo Valley defending them. He even went behind enemy lines to save her life, risking laser and shrapnel wounds. She has tears in her eyes. "He's always been a hero, ready to give his life to protect his people." Clark snits that Zod didn't protect Jor-El. Faora insists that Zod always thought of Jor-El as one of his truest friends. Clark thinks about this for a while and admits he never knew that side of Zod.

Daily Planet. Zod stands at the top of the basement stairs, surveying the room below. As he walks down into the room, he bumps into a man in order to steal his press pass. A little further down, he sneaks a notepad and pen from a woman's purse. He pauses, searching the room again for whatever else he can use to his purpose, and grabs a pair of black-rimmed glasses from someone's desk. Now decked out in his impromptu disguise -- and making himself into yet another Clark facsimile -- he chats up a desk jockey named Molly. I guess she's the gatekeeper for the archives? Donning an odd accent (odder than his usual, that is), he makes up some story about how he's writing an article on UFO conspiracy theorists. He even dorkily pushes his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose when they slip. Charmed by this dashing nerd, Molly fetches him a box full of letters, most of them from Dr. Chisolm, addressed to Lois. All the envelopes have Kandorian symbols on them. Zod's thoughts go, "Veddy interestink!"

Random rail yard. Oliver and Chloe open a freight car, shining their flashlights inside to show an array of Kryptonite goodies. There are daggers with green blades, heavy artillery, vats of green goop, and an assortment of green-tipped arrows. Oliver picks up one of the daggers. "This is what you've been spending my money on? Something that could kill Clark?" Chloe explains the weapons are to protect everyone, including Clark. Yeah, remember those Kandorians who enslave the human race in the future? Oliver's all confused because he thought Chloe was helping set them up with new identities, but Chloe thought to put tracking chips in all their IDs. The music's ominous and Oliver snarks that it's "1984, the Sullivan edition." I prefer 1984: The Gilbert & Sullivan Edition, as there's more singing and dancing. Plus: pirates! She apologizes, but says she's not OK with trusting Clark again. Oliver thinks about that for a while as a man spies on them from across the rail yard. He takes pictures of Oliver and Chloe talking in the freight car.

Lois tappa-tappa-tappas at the computer in Bernie's lair. Suddenly, the door opens somewhere behind her and a man clamps his hand over her mouth. She lets out a muffled squeal until she realizes it's Zod. He slowly lowers his hand and shushes her. When she asks him how he got there, he tells her he's with the FBI, who've been watching Chisolm. "Where are the others?" he asks, picking the lock on one of her handcuffs. Lois tells him only one is still alive, motioning in Vala's direction. Zod leaves Lois only half-freed and goes to Vala's shower stall of doom. He's horrified at what he sees. "What has this monster done to you?" He pulls at a few levers, trying to free her, but Chisolm appears behind him with a gun. Lois calls out a warning. Zod turns, just in time to get a bullet through the gut. Ah, the searing kiss of hot lead! How Zod has missed you! I mean, I think he's dying. He falls slowly to his knees, his face registering an odd mix of calm and shock. He slumps onto his back. Chisolm orders Lois back to her writing as a pool of blood spreads on the floor beneath Zod's body. Commercials.

Chisolm now departed to do some more crazy-guy stuff, Lois finishes picking the lock on her cuffs. She rushes over to Zod, grabbing a blanket to wad up under his head. She calls him "Agent Zod" and tries to get him to focus on her voice. He breathes through his teeth, his brow dotted with sweat. He seems surprised to see Lois is still alive. She rips open his shirt to get a better look at his gaping wound. It looks like fresh hamburger. She takes off her own shirt to use as a compress. Zod warns that Chisolm will be back, but Lois promises to stay with him until his "FBI backup" arrives. "Why would you do that?" he asks. "You don't know me." "It's what Clark would do," she says. Eh, maybe. Zod admits to her there's no backup coming. He says she needs to save herself and the girl. Lois looks torn.

Met Gen. Clark and Faora meet with the medical examiner in the morgue. He's a little skittish about talking to reporters, but Clark says they already know about the bodies that were taken from the morgue. "We just need to know if they were ever recovered." All but one: John Corben. The M.E. tells them to leave, but Faora wants to know if there were any witnesses. He tells them about Dr. Bernard Chisolm, who was the M.E. at the time, but he left for "psychiatric reasons." The current M.E. clams up, but Clark puts the screws to him by threatening to make up the rest of the story and quote him as the source. The M.E. can't believe the size of the douche nozzle on Clark, but tells him that Chisolm claimed he saw the "body-snatchers" in the act, freaked out so bad he died of a heart attack, and then was brought back to life by aliens. "He told everybody they experimented on his brain," the M.E. scoffs like it's the most ludicrous thing ever. Did everybody think Chisolm just carved up his own scalp and jammed jagged spikes in there himself? Clark finally eases up on the guy, promising not to mention him in this non-existent article if he just gives them a way to find Chisolm. Deal!

Weekend at Bernie's. Ice is accumulating on Vala's skin. She gasps for breath. Bernie walks back into the room looking for Lois. She sneaks up behind him, turns him around, and punches him in the face. She punches him a couple more times then kicks him into some machinery. Sparks fly. While Bernie is seemingly incapacitated, Lois rushes over to Vala. She fiddles with the shower stall of doom, trying to figure out how to open it, when Bernie whacks her across the back of the head with a metal tray. Clang! Lois falls over a table and lands with a grunt and a thud on the floor. She's now conveniently unconscious, so you know Clark's going to show up soon. Bernie takes the time to go check out Zod and sees his Kandorian tag. "You're one of them," he says. Or maybe he just likes wearing jewelry with arcane symbols. You don't know! Bernie moves his eyes around to show us he's paranoid. "You aliens are everywhere!" He dons a black rubber apron and matching gloves. Trés chic! He goes on about the aliens infiltrating the planet, and how they don't belong there, and how they're taking all the jobs from hard-working middle-class Americans. Or something like that. "Your invasion stops now," he says, pulling on his gas mask. He picks up a really gnarly mechanized saw and advances on Zod, but a mysterious whoosh distracts him. When he looks around, he sees that Lois has disappeared. But apparently he doesn't think this is odd enough that he should stop his work, which is to carve up Zod like an Easter ham. Clark knocks Bernie out of the way before he can make spiral cut one. Bernie gets back up and raises his saw high overhead. He takes a step forward and the saw blade catches some electrical wiring. Sparks and smoke shoot out. Bernie convulses before dropping to the ground, a wisp of smoke rising out of the broken lens of his mask. That... was kind of dumb.

Clark watches the whole thing with a frown, then turns away, pausing briefly to take note of the Kryptonite spikes lying on a nearby table. He frees Vala from her shower stall of doom and carries her over to a gurney that's set up under some heat lamps. Why would Bernie have heat lamps lying around? Hell if I know. "You're gonna be all right," Clark assures her. She's all blue and crusty, but alive, so Clark heads over to Zod. "You're gonna get what you wanted," Zod chokes out. "I'll never see the sun rise on your planet again." Clark says Jor-El's last wish was to save Zod's life. (Well, he said "Save Zod," which I think he meant in the spiritual/figurative sense.) Clark says he's going to take Zod to a hospital, but Zod grabs his hand. "You can't save me," he says. Clark frowns as Zod's hand goes limp in his own. Clark calls his name, but there's no response. Zod looks very sweet-faced and young, and peaceful. Clark looks devastated. Somehow, he comes up with the idea to jam one of the Kryptonite spikes into his hand. Kneeling down beside Zod, he lets the blood course down his fingers and drip into Zod's wound. The wound glows with bright light and heals so perfectly that even the mess of Zod's blood vanishes. Clark seems surprised that it worked, but not as surprised as Zod, who sucks in a great breath as he comes back to life. Clark staggers back. Zod stands, looking at his healed body. Huh, I wonder what's up with that scar down the middle of Callum Blue's chest? Anyway, Clark and Zod stare at each other for a while, all opened-mouthed and panting. Then Clark ruins the moment with words: "Welcome back." Commercials.

Rail yard. Tess and the hench-photog from earlier go to inspect Chloe's cache of weapons. But when they cut the bolts off, the doors swing open to reveal... nothing. Everything has been cleared out. Tess is pissed and orders him to find out what it is "they're" spending the money on. Chloe pops up in the middle of this, but ducks behind a freight car when she sees them arguing. She frowns, clearly confused as to where her fancy new arsenal has gone. Tess and the hench-photog drive away. Seems like little miss "I want to save the planet" is in the habit of riding around in a gigantic SUV. Maybe it's a hybrid, which, rather than taking an outright dump on Mother Nature, just sort of cuts a big, stinking fart in her face. Chloe is staring after them when Oliver slips into the scene behind her. "Figured Tess was up to something," he says, "when she gave me the tip about all the money you 'borrowed.'" He had the stockpile moved. They wonder what Tess is up to. "Clark saw a future we want to run away from," Oliver says. He thinks maybe Tess wants to take them there. If that's the case, then she's a raving loon, since she knows she dies horribly. Chloe asks about the weapons, but Oliver won't tell her where they are. Chloe is stunned. "Are you keeping me in the dark because I lied to you?" she asks. Oliver's all, "Well, you can't have one set of rules for yourself and a whole 'nother set for everyone else!" To my disappointment, she doesn't point out how hypocritical that sounds coming from Oliver, of all people. This whole subplot is dumb. The idea of protecting themselves against power-hungry aliens is fine and dandy, but the execution of it is dumb. Why wouldn't she just ask him for the funds in the first place? Oliver's not exactly averse to collecting weapons, and he's pretty pragmatic as far as heroes go. It's conflict over nothing. But there's not enough space in one recap to try to figure out Smallville's brand of logic, so let's press on, shall we? Chloe explains to Oliver: "Clark is part of the Kandorian family now, and I don't want his loyalties to lead us into another Doomsday scenario." Yeah, because that would just end with another sucky, anticlimactic fight. Oliver doesn't want that, either. Chloe asks him if he really thinks they should tell Clark. "Absolutely," Oliver says. Chloe glances down, disappointed. Then Oliver adds, "But only when the time is right." I'm guessing the "right" time will be sometime during the season finale.

Daily Planet. Lois gets into the elevator, Bernie's sample box in one hand, cell phone in the other. She calls someone at the lab and says she needs a blood sample analyzed. She looks at one of the sample slides. Clark is at his desk, staring hard at his monitor. Solitaire is so hard! He gets up when Lois rounds the corner into the office. He scolds her for showing up at all, since the doctor told her she should be taking it easy. Please, getting knocked out on this show is pretty much like a paper cut. Probably better, even, because it doesn't sting every time you wash your hands. She quickly stashes the sample box in her desk when he approaches. She's too busy to take it easy, though, because she's going to be writing up her experiences. Unfortunately, her sources skipped out on her: Vala refused treatment at the hospital and the FBI claims no knowledge of Zod. Clark duhs, "Of course! It's because Zod works deep cover." Lois narrows her eyes at him. "The FBI would never even admit that he works there," Clark goes on. It's so top secret that Clark couldn't even tell Lois he was an agent. Comical music plays. I would prefer the trumpeting elephant over these clowny notes. Lois thinks something doesn't quite add up. Clark looks mildly uncomfortable, and Lois calls him on it. "You're hiding something," she says, but in a teasing tone. Clark offers her full disclosure, but she has to tell him about what she's hiding in her desk, which is assy of him, because he knows full well he'd disclose jack squat in return. Lois sidesteps the issue by telling Clark that maybe a little mystery is good for romance. Clark gets a text message from Zod telling him to meet him up on the roof. Clark makes his excuses and leaves. At the same time, Lois receives a text from Waller, thanking her for the blood samples. Lois opens her desk drawer and fishes out Bernie's sample box. Sure, enough the slides have mysteriously disappeared. In their place is a white chess piece. Lois is slightly perturbed. Me, I'd be going, "What the hell! I just turned around for a minute! AAAH!" I hate when stuff disappears out of my desk.

Up on the roof, Clark finds a pensive Zod staring out over the rising sun he thought he'd never see again. I'm just glad it's not that damned full moon again. "I trust Lois is well," Zod says. "Thanks to you," Clark says. "You saved her." Zod admits Lois protected him, as well. "I can see why you care for her," he says. OK, show? The Clark/Lois romance seems a lot more natural when you don't have someone telling us every week how great it is. Just a hint. Clark asks Zod how he's feeling. "Like a changed man," Zod says. He talks about his paradigm shifting now that his enemy has become his savior. Clark makes a mental note: "Look up 'pair-a-dime' later." Zod stares at Clark for a long while, then asks how he knew the blood would cure him. "I didn't," Clark admits. "It must have healed you because you're Kryptonian like me." Too bad you didn't think to try that trick when your Kryptonian father was dying. Zod makes a show of wincing and touching his side where he was shot. Clark asks if he's still in pain. Zod explains he's not made of steel like Clark. "You'll be better than new in no time," Clark says. "I am better," Zod says, "because I was wrong about you." Zod speaks very softly and earnestly about how he now realizes Clark cares about the Kandorians. He can trust Clark now, he says. Clark smiles and goes all United Colors of Benetton on him: "Together, we'll make sure our people can call Earth their new home." Zod chuckles and extends his arm. Clark clasps it in a sort of brotherhood handshake. The plaintive wail of a police car siren reaches them and they part ways, Zod, clutching at his side again as Clark zips away.

The moment Clark is out of sight, Zod drops the ruse. He lowers his hand and steps toward the rooftop ledge. He stands in the deep, golden light and closes his eyes, basking in it. A bird's-eye view shows him standing on a small, architectural precipice high above the city streets. Eyes still closed, he raises his arms. His long coat flaps in the breeze. The Daily Planet globe spins slowly above him. It's truly a beautiful shot, I must say. He tilts back his head, lips parted in a silent sigh. And then he doesn't so much leap from the building as he just sort of... allows himself to tip forward. Momentum pulls him down. He falls and falls, arms still outstretched, and then, at the last moment, he purposefully draws his hands to his side and torpedoes up and away from the street. He flies past the Watchtower and straight toward us, his blissful expression transforming into something more devilish. End credits.

week: The show's taking some time off, and so am I.

Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what other superbeings have crossed Clark in our guide to the Heroes and Villains of Smallville!

Tippi Blevins is going to spend the few weeks stockpiling weapons and cocktail mixes for the apocalypse. You can email her at b_tippi@yahoo.com, or find her on Twitter.