Clark has a bittersweet surprise birthday with his only three friends in the world (and one of them is his mom). What, The Flash couln't zip over and make it? Cyborg dude? BatChica? Aquadude? The ghost of Little Luka Lost? Clark, I'm sorry to say it so late in the game, but you suck. During the party, Clark gets sad about a card with baseball tickets that Bo left behind for him, and goes to visit Bo at the graveyard. Surprise! Bo lives, and tells his son that he has to kill Papa Luthor, and soon. Hey, that doesn't sound like very fatherly advice. Clark and Chloe investigate, finding evidence that LuthorCorp is working on some sort of government weapon that Clark mistakenly thinks might be himself. Is that like when bodybuilders try to show off their "Massive guns?" Meanwhile, Lex, suspicious of Professor SoFine's origins, figures out that he's Kryptonian. No, wait, he's built by Kryptonians. He's Made in Krypton. And he's the one posing as Bo Duke with his amazing shapeshifting powers and making everyone all sad. Lex has been developing a super-virus at SoFine's request while simultaneously and secretly mass-producing a super vaccine to protect humans from Kryptonian Kooties. SoFine doesn't like that. He injects Lex with whatever was developed and it gives Lex healing powers of some sort that I'm sure we'll see more of in the finale. Lex and Clark argue about Lana, with Lex telling Clark that he needs to shut up already because he lost Lana before Lex made his move. Papa Luthor, possessed by Jarnelle, helps Chloe and Clark delve into the whole business with SoFine and Papa gives Clark all of the Kryptonian scribblings he's been doodling lately. They fill up an entire closet, but only three words are important: "Zod is coming." Well, tell him to bring a bottle of wine or some cookies. It's only polite. Also, Lois compares Lana to a bicycle and herself to a Harley. Make of that what you will, but send me the PhotoShop of Lois with handlebars sticking out of her boobs.
Kent home at night. Everything is dark and lonely. Clark arrives home from a long day of hustling his weary body out by the train tracks, and suddenly we're in a much more forlorn show. Clark brings home a bag of groceries that he bought with dirty money and over tears as he fished for grubby quarters in the checkout line. Or perhaps I read too much into the subtext. In any case, Clark does arrive home, calling for his mom as he fondles a box of cereal (Frosted Flakes, currently named for Tony the Tiger stand-in Taylor Hicks: he's grrrrreat -- Frosty on top and extremely flaky). Noisemakers blatt at Clark, and then we hear "Happy bah-day-Claaahh!" as a light goes on and MamaKent, Lois, and Chloe greet "Claaaaah." Let's break it down. Four balloons. A "Happy Birthday Clark" banner. Three guests. One of them is Clark's mom. Is this the saddest surprise birthday party you've ever seen? Couldn't they have just taken him out for a nice dinner? Don't underscore how few friends Clark has, all right? MamaKent wishes her sweetheart a happy birthday and says, "We got you, didn't we?" You...did...[sound of quiet sobbing]. Lois goes, "Woo!," and throws glittery confetti at Clark. Are you gonna clean that up? Chloe emerges with a cake that can best be described as angular. It's Lois's "world-famous rum cake," and it slopes about 35 degrees. There are four candles on it. I was wondering about Clark's age. Now I won't wonder. Lois says that it was from scratch. Is that what she did to the poor batter? The cake is in Superman colors -- dark blue with red frosting letters that read, "Happy Birthday Clark." Clark snarks that he never would have guessed Lois made it. "You should have seen the first two," Chloe tells him.
Lois grabs Clark by the arm and tells him to open his presents before that cake. You'll live longer, Clark. Lois lays a flat present with red wrapping in front of Clark and says, "Open it." Playful music tries its hardest to make this scene less depressing. Clark opens it. It's actually a very nice leather journal with his initials, "C.K.," in gold on the front. It's made of the cows. Clark doesn't really know what to make of that. Lois says that she doesn't think he's a diary nut, but that he does seem to keep a lot to himself. She thought it might help. Chloe says that since she's on an intern budget, she figures she'll comp Clark some of the IOUs he owes her. I thought Clark already had access to the favor bank for saving her life. Wow, Chloe. Couldn't you have given him one of your gadgets from the trunk of your car or at least a big kiss on the cheek? They really must be working you to death over at The Daily Planet. MamaKent laughs. Chloe gives Clark a big goofy look. Clark resists the urge to yell, "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Where's my gift?!" "Thank you," Clark says very quietly so as not to seethe. Where's MamaKent's gift? Clark sees a card on the table. He notices that it's in Bo Duke's handwriting. MamaKent says she found it in Bo's desk. He had a desk? Clark opens it. "For you, son," the very Hallmark-ish card says in the front, on dark blue stock. Sad music plays as Clark opens the card. Wow, Bo writes like a fifth-grader. Clark finds tickets inside: "Two tickets to the Wolverines game in Milwaukee." Wolverines! The seats are behind home plate. That's...good, right? I don't know from baseball. (It is baseball, right?) MamaKent, trying not to cry, says, "Your dad and his baseball." Oh, you men. She says there was no one in the world Bo'd have rather watched a game with. Derek Jeter? No? All right, party's over! Everyone is sad. Chloe shrugs her shoulders at Lois who, for once, doesn't make a stupid comment.
Hella creepy graveyard. "Thanks for the tickets, Dad," says Clark. A ghost badger nearby says, "I'm not your father, kid." This seriously looks like some post-apocalyptic blasted-out war zone. Clark tells his father's gravestone that he wishes he could go to the game with him. As it stands, Clark's choices for a guest to take seem less than ideal. Clark puts the tickets on the ground. He's just going to leave them there? Way to go, jackass. I'm sure Bo would love it if you just left the tickets out here for the graverobbers and wildlife instead of actually using them.
There's a cold wind. Clark turns. Holy shit! Bo is standing right there. Hey, Bo. How are you? You're looking...well. For a dead guy. I wasn't talking about you just now. It was about...someone else. Someone less dead. Don't even sweat it, dude. You can still sweat, right? "Dad?" Clark asks. Bo takes a second to sound sad and say he's sorry he couldn't be at Clark's birthday party. Traffic was deadly. Ha. Little afterlife humor, kid. Sorry. That's all right, though. The party kind of sucked. Bo's sorry he couldn't see the man Clark is becoming. Clark says that everything he's become is because of Bo. That's pretty harsh, Clark. Wow, way to hit a guy while he's dead. Bo says that there's something Clark has to do on his own: he says, strangely, that he can't help Clark anymore. Dude, you're right there. Why not? Bo says that Clark will have to stop him. "Stop who?" Clark asks. The man who pees on Bo's grave every night. It's really annoying. Bo wanders around in monologue mode and says it's worse than they imagined: "So many people. So many people are gonna die." You mean here? In the graveyard? I think that will be fine. Clark doesn't understand. Bo says he's talking about Papa Luthor. Oh, that. Clark's totally got it not under control. Clark asks what Papa is doing. Apparently, a dead guy knows more about what's going on than Clark. Bo says he's going to do something terrible. Clark asks what he's supposed to do. "I'm sorry, Clark, but to save this world...you've got to kill Lionel Luthor." Bummer. Bo says goodbye, then disappears into the mist. "Dad?" Clark calls, "Dad! Dad, wait!" You forgot your cow mug! The cow mug, Dad! MamaKent's slobbering all over it! Should I...at least...send it to Omar G? Dad? Hello?
Opening credits. Commercials. In about ten years, we're going to look back on the dancing silhouette iPod people and wonder how we ever thought that shit was cool. ["We ever thought that shit was cool?" -- Wing Chun]
Kent Farm, daytime. The Barnness of Ghostdaditude. MamaKent is telling Clark that he may have imagined the whole graveyard incident. She says she sees Bo all the time, outside licking on the cows, sometimes. Clark says he knows it was Bo, even if it was just his spirit, or ghost, or whatever. MamaKent says that when she sees Bo, it's just her mind wanting to have him around so badly that it makes her sees things. MamaKent thinks Clark is so angry at Papa Luthor that he wants someone to tell him it's all right to get back at the dude. Wow, Clark is seriously fucked up. Clark says that it's not the first time he's seen Bo. Clark says it's a long story (boy, howdy!), and that he tried to save Lana from trouble and had a near-death experience. Clark says he saw Bo, who told him that Papa Luthor knew his secret. Clark says that wasn't his imagination, and that this might not be, either. MamaKent starts to believe. Clark says that whatever Papa is up to could be much worse than just knowing Clark's secret. MamaKent says that it would have to be worse, for Bo to suggest taking someone's life. Bo may have been pro-ass-kicking, but he was probably pro-life when it came to killing a fella.
"Downtown" Smallville, daytime. A pretty waitress is handing Lana two lattes and apologizing for a mess-up. Lana says she knows how temperamental the steamer can be, as she giggles and takes the tray. She almost bumps into Lois, who is standing nearby. Lois asks if Lana is running a coffee delivery service. Lana starts saying something nonsensical about Chloe "short-circuiting," but Lois cuts her off and says she recognizes the extra hot, double-caff, no-foam. She says it's Lex, who acts like he owns the place. "Actually, Lois, he does own the place," Lana says, a bit snarkily. Lois asks if Lana is Lex's new assistant. "Umm, no, not exactly," Lana says. Lois figures it out, as Lana looks guilty as hell. "No way," Lois says. She says that, as long as you're single, why not go after the town's most eligible bachelor? Except that Lois hates Lex, or so we've been led to believe. Lois takes a sip of coffee. Lana tells Lois that Lex isn't her boyfriend. Lois nods and smiles, saying she's not big on girl talk, but that she has an unbiased ear and knows what it's like to have the bad-boy blues. Huh? How is Lois unbiased? She ran a campaign against Lex. Lana believes that crock of shit and starts to smile.
Daily Planet. Chloe and Clark are walking down some stairs. Chloe says that she's a believer in ghost stuff, but that she doesn't buy Bo "Hamlet-ing" Clark. Clark says he knows how it sounds. Chloe relents in her doubt and asks Clark to hand her a cloak and call her Horatio. Clark thinks she's talking about Horatio Sanz. Clark asks what Papa Luthor could be doing that would be so bad as to engender this warning. Chloe thinks it must have something to do with Clark's secret. He thinks that's part of it, but not the whole answer; he thinks something is already in motion. He tells Chloe about the blackmail disc and Papa Luthor coming to MamaKent's rescue. I thought Chloe already knew all this. Chloe asks what they'll do if they find a smoking gun, and if there's anything they could find that would make Clark Kent kill someone. What, again? Clark does a brooding look.
A helicopter is parked near Luthor Manor. Inside, Papa Luthor is in Lex's office, popping some pills. He hides the bottle of medicine as Lex walks in and asks what's so important that it would keep his helicopter waiting. Papa Luthor says that it must be what Lex has cooking in Honduras, and it ain't the banana daiquiris. Wow, that sounds good. Papa fishes for info. "Challenging upper management often leads to a bout of unemployment," Lex warns. Papa sidesteps the threat, saying that the welfare of Lex's workers it the least of his concerns: "You're involved with Milton Fine." Whoa! I knew it! Hot time in the jungle! Lex is so busted. Papa knows that Lex has been helping to smuggle deadly viruses into the country. Lex says that they won't put them in any Halloween candy. Papa says that Lex is pretty nonchalant for someone whose collection of viruses could wipe out half the country. Lex says that it's under control. Papa Luthor says that Professor SoFine seems to be able to appear simultaneously on opposite ends of the world. He asks Lex how he plans to control that. Lex turns, as dramatic swivel music plays. He says that Papa Luthor's intel is impressive, but incomplete. Papa advises Lex to shut the operation down and destroy all the viruses. He adds that SoFine embodies a threat greater than Lex realizes. Lex says that Papa taught him to keep friends close and enemies closer. "This is one enemy you don't know," says Papa. He adds that not knowing who you're in bed with can make for an uncomfortable awakening. Wow. Good advice, people. Go forth and heed that. Lex says that he'll present that nugget to the board when he's explaining why he's late. Lex walks out, annoyed. Papa Luthor takes a drink of water, but before he can get it to his lips, he spasms and gasps. The camera goes overhead as Papa raises his arms and looks like he wants to fly. He drops his glass. It shatters. Papa falls to his knees. Praise Lex! He scrambles to a nearby table and finds a Magic Marker. He starts writing Kryptonian symbols. Papa's eyes are glazed white. We zoom inside and see a typographer's nightmare, a bunch of symbols are flying all over the place. We zoom back out, and Papa's eye goes back to normal. Jarnelle is calling collect.
Metropolis at night. Clark and Chloe have gotten into LuthorCorp's offices and are walking about like there are no security cameras. Just before they get into Papa Luthor's office, Clark looks like he's going to break a door. Chloe stops him and mentions the alarm: "I cloned the transponder from Lionel's keyboard so we could override the digital cipher." Yeah, Chloe, cipher this. I don't believe that bullshit for a second. The doors swing open. "I need a nightlife," Chloe says. It is a little sad that Chloe hasn't dated anyone in so long. Give her a boyfriend at the Planet fer frick's sake already. Clark tells Chloe to look for something that might tip them off to what Bo Duke was talking about. Good idea, doofus. Chloe says she's not likely to find a file called "My Evil Scheme." Item 1: Kill puppies. Item 2: Skin puppies, sell to Cruella DeVil. Chloe sits at the desk, where there's a laptop open. She starts typing as she asks whether Papa Luthor may have told Lex about Clark's secret. Clark says that knowledge is power (poor Clark, then), and that Papa Luthor would never level the playing field. Chloe says that they have to put their faith in Luthor family dysfunction. She enters a password into the LuthorCorp login page. It is incorrect. Clark tells Chloe to check Papa's calendar. So his login is protected, but his calendar is available for all to find? Chloe says that she's multitasking as fast as she can. Why don't you try cloning the cipher or some bullshit like that, Chloe? Chloe finds a "Friday May 05" entry in the calendar. "Drink Cinco margs at El Chico's, happy hr. with the girls." Wait, wrong calendar. This one says, "1 p.m. MEETING LEON ROWLAND - THE METROPOLIS INQUISITOR RE: THE WEAPON." Chloe says that it's that newspaper's top reporter. There's also a Thursday, May 11 calendar item for a meeting with THE PENTAGON, RE: THE WEAPON. Wow, way to not tip your hand with that, Papa Luthor. You are a truly magnificent yet computer-illiterate bastard. Chloe asks if Clark thinks he's the weapon in question. Because everybody wants to see his scud missile? Clark stares at the Pentagon item, and the music gets dramatic to try to convince us that there is drama here. There's really not.
Commercials. Ha. That old-school dancing Pepto-Bismol commercial just cracked me up.
Luthor's crib at night. Lex is standing by the fire, reading something. Lana comes in. She says she brought coffees, but that she had a three-hour conversation with Lois and the coffee got cold. Also, Lana had to kill Lois, or it would have been a six-hour conversation. Lex can't wait to read about "Lex and Lana" in the early edition. Dude, just go to the forums. Lana says that Lois "isn't like that." She says that Lois is a good listener and has been a good outlet for Lana with everything that's been going on. Oh, has she? Because I thought she was just an obnoxious jerk. So glad to hear that there's offscreen evidence to the contrary. It makes my job so much easier. Lex sighs. Lana says it sounds like Lex needs an outlet, too. A dark-haired farmboy outlet with a female viewpoint. Lex says that something has happened, and that he's been wrestling on whether to let Lana in on it. He says she's the only person in the world he can share it with, and that it's bigger than either of them. It's, like, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar-sized! Dude, spill it already! Lana says that she trusts Lex. Lex says it's not about that; it's about him trusting Lana. He adds that it's about how deep Lana wants to get. He opens up a folder to show to her, saying that what he's about to show her means she's "all in. 100%." Lana looks at the folder. Looks at Lex. I think she's all-in.
LuthorCorp labs. The floors are illuminated, and there are super-high ceilings. A few scientists walk around doing scientist tasks. They're all, like, calculating sums and shit. It blows my mind. Lana asks what this place is. She didn't ask on the way? Lex says that it's the future, and that he'd like Lana to be by his side when it arrives. Wow, the future needs more techno music. Lana reads from the papers he's handed her. "You've been collecting viruses?" she asks. It's just a hobby, really. He has an issue #1 salmonella, mint, bagged and boarded. Lex says that they're the most deadly viruses on the planet. Lana asks what he's going to do with them. You know, eat some. Give some out at parties. Lex turns dramatically: "Change the world." That too. Lex says that they've been able to transform the viruses to turn them into the ultimate vaccine. He holds up a vial. The only problem is, the vaccine gives you herpes. Of the eye. In both nostrils. Lex says that a shot of the vaccine could protect you from any virus that was unleashed. "Unleashed? By who [sic]?" Lana asks. Lex says that SoFine told him that the first spacecraft might be the first of many. Lex says that Lana has to keep this a secret, and that even SoFine doesn't know they're been developing vaccines here. Oh, I'm sure he's figured it out. Lana asks why Lex doesn't trust SoFine anymore. Lex thinks that SoFine is reporting to someone a little higher up. He shows Lana two photos. One of them shows the ship in a jungle. Lex says he was tracking SoFine, and the dude led him to the ship. Lex says that the two photos were taken a hundredth of a second apart. SoFine is in one photo, standing to the ship, and not in the other. Lana says, "Oh my God." She asks if SoFine came out of the ship like the others. The Others? Lex says that he went along with SoFine, to buy some time and learn his weakness. Lex thinks that SoFine might not have any. Lana thinks really hard. "He might," she says. Lana describes finding Papa Luthor in a trance, and how he told her how to stop them. Lex loves Lana now.
Kent kitchen. MamaKent has just arrived home, and rushes to catch the phone before the answering machine does. It's Papa Luthor. He leaves a message saying he knows that things are strained, but that something's going on that Clark needs to know about. He asks MamaKent to call him as soon as possible. She exhales. Decides to call. Just as she's dialing, she notices someone in the living room. A window is open, and a curtain is blowing. "Jonathan!" MamaKent sighs. He asks her, "How long have you had feelings for Lionel Luthor?" Dude is all shadowy. She says that it's not like that. Ghost Bo says that he wants Mama to be happy, but not with Papa Luthor. He sounds creepy. MamaKent gets on a knee and says that Bo's the only man she ever loved. She says that it's been hard without his voice and his touch: "I miss you so much." She reaches out to him, but he suddenly reappears behind her. "I miss you too, sweetheart," he says, without much love. MamaKent stands. She sighs and asks why he had to leave her. Ghost Bo says that he had no choice, and neither will a lot of other innocent people. She asks if he's talking about Papa Luthor. "He's going to drown you all in your own blood like he did me," Ghost Bo tells her. Damn, man! Scare us, why don't you? Ghost Bo advises MamaKent to tell Clark that there's no other choice: Papa Luthor has to die. "He has to," he repeats, and disappears. We pull out through the window as MamaKent looks around in shock. Outside the window, Ghost Bo transforms into Professor SoFine. Evil! And well-played. He zips away.
Commercials. Snapple White Tea. For the people still drinking Snapple. You know who you are, that one person.
Kent living room at night. MamaKent is telling Clark that Bo was standing right here, like he was still alive. Bo did do an awful lot of standing when he lived. MamaKent says that she was told Papa Luthor was going to drown them all in blood: "What does that mean?" As far as visuals, I think that one's pretty clear. Clark doesn't know. He thinks it might have to do with Papa using him as a weapon. Oh, Clark, you're such a pistol! Clark thinks that Papa may have found a way to control him to do his bidding. MamaKent frets that she's trusted Papa Luthor because she thought he was making up for his past. Clark says that it's not MamaKent's fault, even though he thinks it is. He says that Papa Luthor has been manipulating them all. It's almost as if he is the chief magnificent sales rep in the Bastard Department Store. MamaKent says that Ghost Bo also hinted that Papa Luthor had something to do with Bo's death. Uh oh. Clark is pissed. I'm just guessing here. It's not like he's going to show it in his face.
Lair of Lex. Lex is on his laptop, doing some clumsy-ass videoconferencing using AOL. One of his operatives tells him that SoFine has been spotted somewhere in the Midwest. And then twenty pop-up ads and in-window movie trailers start playing before Lex can stop them. Lex's minion says that they're working to narrow down the search. The guy in the little video window is standing outside, trees waving behind him. Way to broadcast your covert operation. SoFine walks right in, looking quite grrooowwwrrr. He points to the liquor station and asks if he can get some drinky drinky. Lex says, sardonically, "Please, help yourself. Everybody else does." Aw, Lex, don't be all stingy with your single-malt. SoFine tells the time-killing story of a man (no specifics) who invented the toast because he wanted to make sure his drink wasn't poisoned, so he'd clank mugs for the spill-over effect. Nice story, SoFine. Pointless, but nice. He hands Lex a drink: "A simple tap, then, must be a sign of trust." SoFine moves his glass to clink, but Lex says he's not thirsty. SoFine downs his. Mmm, that's good robot lubricant. SoFine sits. He says he thought they had an agreement: he was to be told of the virus progress, but now he's "shockingly out of the loop." Lex says that's been the case for weeks. He says that SoFine must have assumed Lex wouldn't believe his "CIA bluff." SoFine says that's why he chose Lex: his distrust, and his propensity for covering all the bases. Lex says that SoFine must know Lex wouldn't just roll over. "No, not you," SoFine says. "Not without a bone." Whoa, mama! That sly dig, with SoFine pursing his lips just so, is the Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex says that he'll take the truth. But can he save the bone for later? Lex says that the vaccine is ready and processed. Lex says that he'd be a fool to hand it over to someone whose motives are unclear. SoFine says that it's a vaccine. What threat could it pose? Lex, standing, says that he's asked himself that for weeks. He goes to his shelf and opens up a lead box. In it is a piece of Kryptonite. It glows brightly green. Lex holds it up. He says he's hoping that the rock will help him get a few answers. SoFine stands as Lex thrusts the rock at him. I thought the rock only glowed when it was having an effect. That's clearly not the case here. "Close," SoFine says, "but I'm not one of them. I was only made by them." Lex brings his arm down. SoFine raises his hand, which is now a pointy metal spike. He thrusts it at Lex's neck. Lex winces. "Where's the vaccine?" SoFine asks.
Daily Planet. Chloe is about to tell Clark something, but asks him to keep a cool head and keep his American Psycho instincts on the back burner. Comparing Clark to Christian Bale? That's just wrong, Chloe. Chloe says that she's been looking up old phone records, and that unless Papa Luthor was selling long-distance plans (huh?), he was desperately trying to reach Bo Duke. Chloe has found twenty calls made by Papa Luthor. I wonder if Chloe will ever be arrested for illegally pulling up database records that don't belong to her. Clark asks when the calls stopped. Chloe says that the two men talked by phone an hour before Bo Duke died. Clark wonders if Papa Luthor was just congratulating Bo. Chloe says that the call came from just a mile from Clark's house, in Jansen's Field. Clark is mad that Papa Luthor was there the night Bo died. Angry Clark!
The Barnness of Impending Asskickitude. Papa Luthor arrives. He calls for Clark, who is upstairs standing in shadows. Papa thanks Clark for calling and says that they don't have much time. Angrily stomping down the stairs, Clark asks if this is where it happened, and whether Papa met Bo there the night he died. "Yes, yes, it is," Papa says without hesitation. He says that he had to talk to Bo; it was important. Clark grabs Papa Luthor and flings him thirty feet, onto a workbench. It crashes, of course. "He found out, didn't he?" Clark yells. He thinks Bo found out about Papa's plan to use Bo as a weapon. Papa, stunned, looks around, but seems unhurt. Papa gets up and rushes to Clark, saying, "A weapon? No, Clark, no," but Clark grabs him again and flings him another thirty feet, onto the ground. "Noooo!" Papa Luthor yells. Clark asks what Papa did to Bo. Papa says that he wanted to help, but thatBo Duke took it the wrong way. As Papa tries to get up, Clark puts a hand on his shoulder and shoves him back down to his knees. "You killed my father," Clark says. Prepare to die! Papa denies it. Clark thinks that Papa pushed Bo until his heart gave out. He says he will never be anyone's weapon. Everyone at the club is going to be really disappointed. Papa says it's not Clark. "Lies," says Ghost Bo. My wife imitates him from the couch as she reads the paper: "Liiieeeeesss."
Ghost Bo shows up, standing to the two enemies. He says that Clark has to kill Papa Luthor before he can spew more lies. Papa tries to tell Clark to listen to him, but Clark says, "Shut up!" "Do it, Clark. Do it!" says Ghost Bo. Do it! Do it! Wait, what I am saying? Damn, that Ghost Bo sure is persuasive. Clark says that Papa Luthor killed Bo. Ghost Bo chimes in, saying yes, that definitely happened, so Clark had better hurry up and avenge his death. "Your father would never make you a murderer, Clark," Papa says quickly. Clark doubts. He looks back at Ghost Bo. "Kill him!" Ghost Bo bellows, annoyed. Papa begs Clark to listen to him. Ghost Bo bellows that he knows this is difficult to hear: "But you have got to KILL LIONEL LUTHOR!" This ghost is pushy! Clark looks back and forth. Close-up of his hand on Papa's neck. Close-up of Clark's eyes. "Clark Kent, KILL HIM NOW!" Ghost Bo yells. Clark's eyes go fiery. He turns and eyejaculates at Ghost Bo. Ew! Ectoplasm! Ghost Bo is flung back and hits the tractor. Hey, Clark just fixed that! Clark releases Papa Luthor. Ghost Bo, his clothes smoking, gets up. He snarks that he asks Clark to do one simple thing, and this is what he gets. He calls Clark a tremendous disappointment. "You're not my father," Clark mutters. Ghost Bo goes, "Ho, ho ho!" He tells "Kal-El" that he underestimated him. Ghost Bo flings the tractor at Clark. Clark raises his hands, but instead of catching it, he lets the thing smash right into him. Destruction. Ghost Bo grins. Then he zips out of there. Clark flings wood aside. He looks around. Where's Papa Luthor? Ghost Bo comes up from behind and grabs Clark in a chokehold. He says it would be so easy to snap Clark's neck like a twig. "But I still need you," he says. Clark asks who he is. He says he's the guy who's going to bring the world to its knees. Ghost Bo suddenly arches his back in pain. We see Papa Luthor standing nearby, his eyes cloudy. Papa raises his hand and moves it toward Ghost Bo. "Don't touch me. Don't do it," says Ghost Bo. Can't he just zip away? Papa touches his cheek, and he turns into flashing light. Ghost Bo turns into Professor SoFine. Then he illuminates and disappears. Clark is like, "Whoa!" Papa blinks. His eyes go back to normal. He looks at his outstretched hand. "What -- what just happened?" he asks. You totally kicked some ass, that's what.
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Metropolis at night. Papa Luthor's office. All of a sudden, he and Clark are buddy-buddy. Papa is saying that he assumed SoFine was a Kryptonian, but that he didn't know shape-shifting was one of their abilities. Clark says that it's not. Papa asks if SoFine isn't a Kryptonian, then. Clark doesn't answer. Papa says it's important that they both keep this from Lex. Clark nods. He says that SoFine was created by Kryptonians, and that he's been destroyed before. Papa is amazed by the self-replicating being. Clark asks why SoFine was afraid of Papa Luthor, and how Papa Luthor was able to destroy him. Papa's not sure, but...he walks to a to a giant closet-sized safe. He thinks the answers could be in there. He does the combination and opens it. Inside are shelves of notebooks with Kryptonian symbols all over them. Clark asks where he found all this. "I didn't find it," Papa Luthor says. "I wrote it." Papa hands over a large binder and says that whatever voice he's channeling, he believes the writings are meant for Clark. Clark opens the binder. "Homework? Fuck!"
Daily Planet flyover. They've somehow managed to whittle a room full of documents down into one neat file container. Papa Luthor and Clark are presenting it to Chloe at her desk. She asks why Hell froze over and nobody told her. Clark says that "Mr. Luthor" has been writing these, but that Clark can't decipher them. I thought Clark could read Kryptonian. And why leave this stuff in the middle of a busy newsroom? The symbols look like they're in a big scrapbook. Chloe says that her Kryptonian is a bit rusty; she asks Papa Luthor what they mean. He says he doesn't know: "I am simply the oracle." Clark wonders why Papa Luthor thinks he's an Enya song. Papa Luthor thinks they should go to Clark's Fortress of Solitude. Clark says that the last time someone talked him into going there, it was a trick to release General Zod. Chloe says that she has plans that weekend, so if they could protect Smallville from the wrath of Krypton's worst villain, that would be great. Sadly, Choe's plans are not a date with a guy. Papa says that hieroglyphics were deciphered by finding patterns in the symbols. Chloe says she'll scan some of them in and see what she finds. She starts to scan a single page. Wow, that's only going to take about ten years. Clark asks why SoFine would expose himself now. Perversion? Papa says that SoFine is afraid Papa Luthor will help stop what SoFine and Lex are doing. "Which is what?" Chloe asks. Papa says that Lex has been helping to create a virus that could bring humanity to the brink of extinction. He says that LuthorCorp just completed the virus. Chloe says that the weapon isn't Clark: it's this virus. Clark thinks that the virus might be the Kryptonian warning. Papa says that his sense tells him that whatever the warning is, it's for something worse than the virus. Clark asks if Papa Luthor has access to the lab. He says he doesn't know where it is. Chloe says that they might know somebody who does.
Metropolis U. dorms. Clark is digging through Lana's stuff. He's found LuthorCorp records and photos. There's a photo of the spaceship from when it was held in Lex's hangar. Lana and Lois walk in. Nice superhearing, ass. Lana asks what he's doing. "Smooth one, Smallville," says Lois. Lana snatches the photo from Clark's hand angrily as he says that he has to talk to her about something. Lois says she just heard a keg being tapped, so she's outta there. She scurries out the door. Clark says that Lana is involved in something extremely dangerous. Lana asks if Clark is mad that she's involved, or that she's involved in it with Lex. Clark hesitates, and then says it has nothing to do with his feelings. Clark says that Lana and Lex don't know what they've gotten themselves into. Lana asks why she should believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Clark says that Lex is in trouble and that, if Lana cares, she'll tell Clark where the lab is before it's too late. Lana doesn't say no.
Lab. SoFine is admiring Lex's work, saying that he's underestimated Lex's ability to take on a non-profit venture. Lex says that the company takes alien armageddon very seriously. He guesses that SoFine was never going to create a vaccine for humans. "Is that what you think?" SoFine asks. Lex thinks SoFine will unleash the virus on humans when his alien buddies arrive. So Lex created the vaccine for humans behind SoFine's back. Lex says he wanted to give his people a fighting chance. SoFine says he admires Lex's desire to protect his species, but says that it was all based on a false assumption. He combines something in a vial, and then plugs it into an injection gun. SoFine says that he never intended to mass-produce the vaccine. He turns and grabs Lex's hand. Lex struggles. "One dose is all I ever needed," says SoFine. He jams it into Lex's wrist. "Let the rest of the world find its own cure." Lex's eyes roll up in his head and he falls. SoFine sees a big mainframe with the word "DANGER" on it. He punches it, sending sparks flying. Magic! Lots of stuff in the lab starts to shatter. SoFine zips out as everything gets to exploding. Clark shows up. He sees Lex lying on the floor. Clark superzips out just as Lex is waking up.
Commercials. I am officially thrilled that Jon Lovitz is back.
Stately Luthor Manor. Lex is buttoning up his shirt as a young man in a suit talks to him, but it's not what you think. The man is a doctor, and says he didn't find anything unusual in the tests he just ran on Lex. He says that Lex has never been healthier. Lex appreciates the vote of confidence. Clark walks in just as the doctor is leaving. He asks if Lex is all right. Security! Lex says he guesses that Clark heard from Papa Luthor what happened at the lab. Clark says that if Lex had listened to his dad's warnings, none of this would have happened. "None of what?" Lex asks. He says that all the viruses were destroyed, but now LuthorCorp has the technology to make an extraordinary vaccine. Clark says that Lex was double-crossed. He asks where SoFine went. Lex says that his operatives are scouring the world looking for him. If SoFine is in Indochina, he wants a motherfucker to jump out of a bowl of rice and pop a cap in his ass. Lex insists that he was the good guy here, and that he spent $10 million to develop a vaccine. $10 million to save humanity? That seems pretty cheap. Lex says that Lana called him. He says that he doesn't want to hear about Clark going through Lana's stuff like a crazy roommate again. And can he have her panties back, please? Lex says that if Clark wants something from him, he shouldn't run to Lana to get it: "You really crossed the line." Clark asks whether, all those years they were friends, Lex was just waiting for Clark to stand aside so he could make his move. You big dumb-ass. Lex says that he doesn't know. (They were friends for years?) Lex asks whether, all the years Clark said he loved Lana, he was just waiting to walk away and break her heart. Lex says that there's a tendency to blame the person who replaced you, but that Lex didn't steal Lana: "You lost her all by yourself." Clark looks hurt. He drops his gaze, and walks out without another word. Game, set, and match, Lex.
Kent home. A knock at the door. MamaKent answers it. It's Papa Luthor. She asks what he's doing there. He tells her he has a confession to make. She lets him inside. He tells her that, the night Bo Duke died, he called. "So it's true?" she asks. Papa says he told Bo he knew everything about Clark. Papa says that Bo was so angry, he never let Papa Luthor explain. MamaKent gulps. Papa looks to her, sadly. She shrugs. Papa walks to the door. He says he wishes he had a heart as full of goodness as Clark's. (It's not hard, trust me.) He says he doesn't. MamaKent just listens. Papa says he wants MamaKent to remember that he was honest with her. He opens the door. Oh, and one more thing: "In time, maybe you'll be able to forgive me." He finally goes. Was that scene just padding?
Lair of Lex at night. The fireplace is going. Lex sits with Lana on the couch and unloads a bag of Chinese food. Lana apologizes that things got awkward. She was hoping Clark wouldn't get involved in all this, and she doesn't want to hurt him. Lex says he cares about Clark, too. But, he says, he has to remind himself that Clark's specialty is barging in where he's not invited and making you feel like you should apologize. I thought it was the horizontal helicopter. Lana smiles. Then she decides they should put a moratorium on the subject of Clark. I would love that. "Twist my arm," Lex says. "Don't tempt me," Lana tells him. Huh? Kinky Kreuk! Instead of taking her right there, Lex stands and goes to get some hooch. Lana asks why Lex would be asked to create a vaccine, only to have it destroyed. Lex eyes the round mark on his wrist where he was injected. He says he doesn't know, but that he thinks like a human. Lex cuts himself trying to open a bottle of wine. His thumb is slit. The wound turns silver, and then heals itself. Lana asks what happened. She asks if he's all right. "Yeah, never better," Lex says. SuperLex!
The Barnness of Characterdevelopmentitude. Clark is staring at the card that might not have even really been from his father. Lois comes up to the loft. She snarks that she expected Clark to be outside Lana's with some binoculars right now. Clark thinks, "Shut up." He says that he and Lana are none of Lois's business. She says she's put three ex-boyfriends on military surveillance: she's not one to lecture on post-relationship tact. But, she says, it's time for tough love. She says that Lana's going to move on. "She already has," says Clark. "With Lex." Lois says it sucks, but that Clark has to trust his gut that he did this for a reason -- whatever reason guys have for leaving "hot, smart, fun girls these days." Oh, is that what Lana is supposed to be? I had no idea. Lois suggests that Clark ditch the "night stalker routine," and that it'll kill any good feelings Lana still has for him. Clark says that there aren't any. Lois says that you have to put your feelings away sometimes, like stuffing money into a piggybank for a bike you can't afford. Clark can't imagine there's anyone else out there for him. Lois says that someday he might open his piggybank and find out that he hasn't been saving for a bike; he's been saving for a Harley. So Lois is a Harley? She's certainly as loud as one. Clark smiles a bit. He says he thinks there are times when Lois doesn't know him at all, and times when he thinks she knows him better than anyone. Lois says that's what she's here for -- one save at a time. God. Just go. Please.
Chloe comes up the stairs. Speaking of saving things.... "My cake!" Lois says. It's not un-cute. MamaKent thought they might want to share leftover birthday cake. They left the candles on it? Clark doesn't look too hungry. Lois clears here throat and says there's surely a goat on the farm who will appreciate her knack for batter. "Batter," not "banter." She takes the cake away. Chloe sits with Clark. She says that Clark handled the party thing well. Clark says that the baseball tickets hit him harder than he thought. Chloe says that the tickets weren't Bo's only gift: the way Bo raised Clark was his real gift. Clark smiles. He asks if Chloe came by to get drunk on Lois's rum cake. Chloe actually came over to bring Clark his Kryptonian dictionary. She found a pattern of three signs repeated thirty-two times. The symbols look like the word "ZOD." Oh, come on. Gimme a break. Dramatic music plays. Clark looks serious. Chloe asks what it says. "Zod is coming," Clark reads.
Title card: "TO BE CONTINUED."
week: the season finale! Chaos! Zodness! Will Clark kill Lex? I'm guessing not.