MamaKent and Clark are mourning the death of Bo Duke, and it's as sad as you'd imagine. MamaKent tries to pass on Bo's wristwatch to Clark, but he can't bring himself to wear it. He's also acting like Mr. Tough Farmer Guy and just wants to be left alone. So MamaKent goes to Metropolis by herself to drop off some of Bo's clothes at a homeless shelter (there's no Salvation Army in Smallville?), where she's attacked by ruffians who steal the watch. A caped crusading lady named Andrea, a reject from Birds Of Prey, saves MamaKent, but not the watch. Clark -- who is going from depressed to angry and bitter -- goes to Metropolis to look for the watch. With Chloe's help, he tries to track the crooks, but has better luck with the help of Batgirl Wannabe, who also happens to work at The Daily Planet. Homegirl -- in real life, a former Miss Universe from Puerto Rico -- is looking for revenge against the thugs who murdered her activist mom. The trail leads to Papa Luthor, who may have ordered the hit on her mother. She goes after Papa, but Clark saves him from being dropped out of a window because Clark realizes that killing people for revenge is for suckers. Clark doesn't seem to be hiding his powers from Papa Luthor, who thanks him and calls him "Son." That's not all that out of line considering that Papa Luthor immediately starts putting the moves on MamaKent, saying he's there for her, "as a friend." MamaKent is asked by the governor to take Bo Duke's senate seat. Lex and Papa Luthor duel over a hostile takeover of LuthorCorp. that Papa has been orchestrating. And in the end, Lana goes to every pawn shop in Metropolis and finds Bo's watch, even though Clark has been treating her less than nicely lately. A last scene has MamaKent watching an old home video of Bo and Clark. It's amazingly sweet, and a very nice sendoff. Clark finally breaks down and cries. It's all right to be a superwuss once in a while, Clark. We understand.
Dark storm clouds over the lonely Kent Farm. In the barn, Clark is messing with a tractor. He's frustrated as he uses a wrench while screwing something else. There just seems to be something inherently wrong about Clark using tools. Can't he just turn the bolt with his fingers? Why does he need a socket wrench? Clark accidentally breaks the socket wrench in half. See? That's what I'm sayin'. Clark sighs heavily and grabs another wrench.
As he bends down, Clark sees MamaKent come into focus on the tractor's rearview mirror. Wow, Clark, you really gotta do something about that focusing vision problem. MamaKent is carrying a box. Clark complains that the tractor engine won't start and that he can't (grunt!) fix it. MamaKent says quietly that Clark is home from school early. Clark: "Yeah, well I sort of dropped out for the rest of the semester." I know Clark is sad, but...dude, it's community college. I bet they'd let you change your schedule to all Saturday classes. I bet they'd let you submit your homework on birchwood. Work something out, man! MamaKent doesn't approve. Nor do I. "You need me here," Clark says bitterly. "There's too much work to be done." When you farm bitterly like that, Clark, the sorghum tastes so sour. MamaKent starts to argue, but Clark says heavily, "Mom. It's done." Clark's hopes and dreams of a two-year associate's degree he could put toward a lucrative career in the air-conditioning services industry? Dashed.
MamaKent sighs and puts down the box she was carrying. She says that the governor called. He wanted to talk to her about Bo Duke's senate seat. Apparently, it smells like ass, which is strange because Bo hadn't even started his term yet. Does ghost ass smell? In any case, they want it fumigated, pronto. MamaKent says that going to Metropolis is the last thing she wants to do. ["Metropolis is the capital of Kansas now?" -- Wing Chun] She figured that, while she was there, she'd drop some of Bo Duke's clothes at a homeless shelter. Is it flannel? Because urban homeless people in Metropolis love farm-stained flannel. MamaKent says it may be too early to get rid of Bo's clothes, but that it's hard seeing them in the closet. Clark, who knows from seeing hard things in the closet, scowls and blinks. "I can still smell his aftershave on the shirts," MamaKent says, heartbreakingly. Clark, numb, nods. MamaKent suggests that Clark look through the clothes to see if there's anything he wants to keep. Clark says he's sure someone else can use the clothes more than he could. MamaKent looks at Clark for a while. Then she remembers something. She tells Clark she thinks Bo would have wanted Clark to have his wristwatch. It's a very nice watch with old-timey hands and a black leather band. It looks like it's in good condition considering Bo owned it. Clark can't look at the watch. "I remember the day he taught you how to tell time with it," MamaKent says, twisting the grief knife. Clark wonders why there's no 13 on the watch. Hurt deep inside, Clark says, "You should wear it." It is a bit small for a man's watch. MamaKent stares at Clark. Neither of them knows what to say. Clark suggests that MamaKent head out before it gets too dark. Why not just carry her there? MamaKent takes the hint and leaves the barn. Clark goes back to breaking more farm equipment. Dammit. Now Clark will never know whether it's time to make the donuts.
The mean streets of Metropolis. Clark is apparently totally cool with sending his mom off into a dangerous situation. MamaKent arrives at the exact alley where Lex was shot just a few weeks ago. It hasn't gone any more upscale. A dog barks. A siren wails. MamaKent, who arrived in her country truck, takes her box toward the homeless shelter. Jesus! No, really, there's a big bright sign with Jesus that says, "I am the way." It also says, "SACRED HEART MISSION." Wow, even the homeless shelters have garish neon signs around here. Two thugs arrive. They're the official Metropolis welcoming committee. "Hey lady. Need some help?" See, that's friendly enough, right? I mean, without the growling, menacing delivery. MamaKent says she's fine and can manage. The balder of the two thugs grabs the box and pulls. This isn't exactly going to be their big score, is it? Bald Thug grabs a plaid shirt and throws it on the ground. "No!" MamaKent yells. What homeless person is going to want a shirt that touched the street? "Nice bling, Red," Bald Thug says, taking the watch from her wrist. "That was my husband's!" MamaKent says angrily, and slaps him right in the face. He backhands her so hard she runs right into a brick wall. "Crazy bitch," he says, posing for the camera as he takes his bling. "Slit her throat," he tells his accomplice. Asian Thug steps forward with his knife.
As Asian Thug goes to cut MamaKent, we switch to the point of view of someone's tunnel vision. It zooms toward MamaKent. Asian Thug gets smacked. Twice. Bald Thug is like, "Huh? How could my perfect plan be interrupted by unseen forces during the prologue of a superhero show?" He turns and sees...what the hell is this? It's a woman. Wearing a red top, a pirate's black headgear, and Zorro's mask. Plus a long leather coat. She's...Batsomething. Batlady? Batmunch? Cutebat? Given that she's played by the former Miss Universe and hails from Puerto Rico, she's BatChica. (Even though she turns out to be D.C.'s Angel of Vengeance, but I don't even know who that is, so...BatChica.) BatChica grabs Bald Thug and throws him against the hood of the Kent truck. She notices a tattoo on his neck. "I've been looking for you," she says. Nice lipstick, lady. "Hey! Back off!" someone yells. It's Asian Thug. "Freeze!" he yells, "or I cut her!" He's got an unconscious MamaKent in his arms as knife-point. BatChica leaps over to Asian Thug, giving him plenty of time to slit anyone's throat if he didn't have the reflexes of a salted slug. He fails to take the opportunity. She punches him in the chest and he goes flying through a flimsy wood barrier. Bald Thug backs away and escapes. Instead of giving chase, BatChica comes over to see how MamaKent is doing. The sound of a helicopter. BatChica, the area around her eyes painted black under her mask, looks up at the searchlight. "Don't worry, you're safe now," she says to unconscious MamaKent as she gently puts her head down on the yucky pavement. MamaKent opens her eyes. She sees BatChica's belt buckle. It's a skull and crossbones. Great. Pirate Lady. Just what this show needs. BatChica, bathing in the searchlight, appears up on a platform. She seems to fly up in the air. The camera pulls back on the dank alley.
Opening credits. Yep, Bo's still there.
Commercials. Hmm, Acuvue. What a perfectly matched product to go with this show.
Kent home in the evening. Clark comes down the stairs striding purposefully in his red Members Only jacket. Lana Lang walks in through the unlocked kitchen door like she lives here. Security! Clark seems surprised to see her. I'm surprised she didn't ring the doorbell. I thought you guys were on a break. What if Clark were here getting his mourning groove on? What if he had mourning wood? Lana tells Clark that the muses weren't helping her with her Astronomy homework. Lana starts to invite Clark to join her for a "Frothy--" Frothy what? Frothy WHAT!? Stupid Clark interrupts to say that he's going to the hardware store, where frothy things are hammered to a wood pulp and mixed with gravel, a metaphor for all that the hardware man buries in his hardened heart. Lana asks Clark to reconsider, because she really wants to talk. Not with him. Just talk at him, for, like, hours, and Clark will just sit there listening. It'll be awesome! Lana stands in front of Clark, blocking his way. She says she understands that Clark and his dad were close, and that he doesn't have to open up to her, but that he does have to stop keeping his feelings bottled up inside. But they taste better there. Clark thinks about that and immediately bottles up the thought. He thanks Lana for coming by in a low monotone, then says he has to go. Lana tries to touch his chest, but he grabs her wrist and pulls it away. SNAP! Serious looks. Clark says he's sorry. "No, you're angry," Lana says. She thinks Clark should stop hiding behind that. Come on, Clark. Beat someone up! Lana says she's tried the anger route. Clark tells Lana she doesn't have to worry about him. Because you broke up. You're on a break. Stop worrying. Clark says he's fine.
As Clark's walking toward the front door, MamaKent enters. It's, what, ten hours since she left? Considering that she went to the police station after she was attacked (even supposing she didn't go to a hospital) and drove back to Smallville, does that mean the hardware store closes at 3 AM? This episode has all kinds of time-continuity problems. Clark sees the nasty scrapes on the side of MamaKent's face; he says, "My God!," and asks what happened. MamaKent tells him that two guys came out of nowhere. She's not hurt; she was rescued. But someone took Bo's watch. Maybe it was the Watchmen! Clark and Lana don't have much to be happy about right now.
Metropolis skyline. Recycled helicopter/Daily Planet-flyover shot. As they walk down a hallway near the newsroom, Clark tells Chloe that he just spent half the night with Metropolis PD trying to find out who mugged his mom. "Half the night"? What time is it? Is this Alaska? Where's the daylight? Why is Chloe working at 4 AM? Chloe, in business-attire-with-Chloevage, says she has a mole at the precinct who's going to send her the police report. I hope he's benign. Chloe is impressed that MamaKent saw "The Vigilante." Chloe says that there've been rumors about BatChica for weeks for her exploits in Suicide Slums. "Now," Chloe says happily, "this has front-page news written all over it!" She shows Clark a light table with papers on it, including a rough sketch of BatChica. Pantaloons? Are those really necessary? Clark is mad that he let his mom go to Suicide Slums alone, and that Chloe is cashing in on it. Wow, Clark, I'll try to take a guess about which of those two things is worse. Chloe says she was just trying to help: "You don't have to bite my head off." But he could, you know. Superteeth. Clark is mad at himself for not accepting the watch in the first place: "Now all I can think about is getting it back." Yeah, it's not like you have much on your plate with all the farmwork, losing Lana, consoling your mom, or not finishing community college. Let's go get that watch!
Clark turns and runs into a girl in glasses, who drops a stack of papers. They still carry around papers from place to place in that newsroom? Clark and Office Girl get on all fours (times two) to pick up the papers together. The girl apologizes. Chloe looks at the two of them saucily, but I can't for the life of me figure out why. That seems to go against Chloe's feelings as a person and her friendship with Lana. Nice one. Office Girl hands Chloe "today's obits." The sketches of BatChica are lying on Chloe's desk. Office Girl notices them. And it's no major surprise that Office Girl is BatChica. Oh, did I ruin Christmas revealing that one? My bad. Clark hands BatChica-in-Disguise the rest of her papers, and she walks away, pushing her glasses up her nose as she goes. I bet she snorts when she laughs. That would make her a totally approachable and cool girl, according to all the TV and movies I've seen.
The Talon at night. Lex is wandering around the coffee bar after hours. He wipes his mouth nervously. He sees Lana, going over some papers at the bar. He says he saw her car out front. Lana explains that MamaKent asked her to close up for the night: "They're going through a lot right now." Keen insight. Lex tries to apologize again for the kiss. Lana tries to blow it off, but Lex says that this apology should mean more since he's not giving it while drunk. Lex says that Lana was upset with Clark that night. He asks if things are better now. Sure, Bo's dead. How's that for better? Lana busies herself cleaning stuff on tables as she says that it doesn't really matter now, because she's just trying to help Clark's family through a rough time. Lex asks how Clark's doing. Lana says that she and Lex both know what it's like to lose a parent. Now, I know about Lex losing a parent, but Lana? When? How? Lana says that Clark is devastated. Lex says he tried to get hold of Clark, but Clark doesn't want to see him. Meet him in the bushes! Lana says that they should just be there for Clark. Lex says, once again, that Clark is lucky to have Lana in his life. Lana looks like that remark physically pained her. Lex says that when the time comes for Lana to lean on someone, Lex is always there. Just call on him, brother, when you need a hand. Lana fake-smiles. Lex exits. Lana continues cleaning in the dark.
Daily Planet, which is just The Torch with different furniture and lighting. Chloe is tapping away on a keyboard. She's trying to get Clark to help her come up with a catchy moniker for the vigilante lady. Shouldn't Clark be at home starting up the morning chores by now? "'Miss Death Wish,'" Chloe suggests, and then dismisses it as lame. "'Dirty Harriet'?" she continues. Clark has no good ideas. Chloe says that her idea is too derivative. Chloe claps her hand and says she's got it! Well, don't give it to anyone else. Chloe remembers that MamaKent said the vigilante swooped down from above. "How about The Angel of Vengeance?" Chloe asks. She types "ANGEL OF VENGEANCE" across a Daily Planet front page. I sure hope that's just a mock-up and that they're not actually letting Chloe write front-page headlines. Clark has to remind Chloe about the police report they're waiting on. Chloe apologizes for going into the Woodward and Bernstein Zone. Chloe goes to check the fax. Clark stares at the sketch of the vigilante.
Chloe goes to the fax machine. She finds what she's looking for from the Metropolis PD. But just then, BatChica swoops down from some stairs and grabs Chloe from behind. BatChica, masked, tells Chloe that she heard they're planning a front-page story. She says that would be bad for her health. I guess Office Girl wasn't working at The Daily Planet long enough to know that Chloe wouldn't have any say on such a sketchy story making the front page. "Let it go. Comprende?" BatChica asks. Horale! "Hey, what are you doing?" Clark asks, appearing suddenly, but at normal speed. Nice save, Clark. Was Scrubs on? Glad you could make it. BatChica releases Chloe, then punches Clark square in the chest. He goes flying. Breaks a desk. Chloe runs. BatChica uses her awesome powers to jump three feet off the ground onto a desk while growling. She crouches. Nice boots, Chica. "Stay out of my way," BatChica tells Clark, who is cowering on the ground, "I'm one of the good guys." BatChica disappears with a "Whoosh!" Clark stands. Chloe asks if he's all right. They both stare at where BatChica once was. Clark is somehow unable to pursue BatChica. Good one, Superdink.
Commercials. Acuvue is a sponsor of this episode? Hey, wait a minute. Is something fishy going on here?
Chloe and Clark are still at the newspaper. Chloe enters the room telling Clark to score one for the X chromosome: "And that costume. How cool was that?" Given what we know about Clark's future costume, it's not as bad as you'd think. "A little over the top, if you ask me," Clark says, hilariously. Clark wants to look at the police reports. Chloe says she has to "give the girl props" for patrolling the streets, but wonders if she's a "natural-born ninja" or a garden-variety Kryptofreak. That's a lot of jargon, Chloe. Clark mumbles that she must have issues. Chloe calls Clark on having done crazy things to protect his identity in the past. Usually he just kills or wounds the witnesses. Clark, having speed-read the police report, says that BatChica was the only witness at his mom's mugging. He's going to have to track her down. Chloe says that after the way homechica "chop-sockied" Clark, she wouldn't expect an invitation for tea. Clark broods on the word "tea." "Might not have to," he says. Clark's going to get his Lipton on.
Chloe is walking down a dark Metropolis street wearing a crazy 1920s hat and a plaid coat. She goes to her parked car, walking past a "Beer on tap" neon sign. As she fishes for her keys in her purse, a masked robber jumps from the shadows and grabs her purse. "No! Please, help!" Chloe screams as they pull back and forth on it. "Gimme the purse!" the thief yells. It's so obviously Clark. Chloe stops in mid-scream and says, "You know what? We've taken this show all over town and it obviously isn't working." Maybe because it's 5:30 AM on a neverending night. Even the crooks are asleep. Chloe is totally frustrated. "You're not screaming loud enough," Clark directs. Maybe he should help her with her blocking, too. Exasperated, Chloe whines that she's freaked out every alley cat in a four-block radius. Clark asks for one more try. They struggle with the purse again. Chloe's not faking it very well this time. Clark takes off his mask. "You've gotta give it some feeling, some passion!" he tells Chloe. This is pretty damned funny. "Stoooooooop!" Chloe yells. BatChica drops down from somewhere on high. "You again," she says when she sees Clark. She swings at him. He dodges. She tries to punch, but Clark grabs her wrist and turns her around into a spoon-snuggle. Clark says he's not looking for a fight. BatChica says she's not wearing dancing shoes. More swinging. Clark throws BatChica into a pipe on a wall, roughly. I thought you didn't want to fight, jackass. Steam comes out of the pipe. Clark is holding BatChica's mask in his hand. She emerges from the steam. Saaaaaay. Would this vigilante want to get back at me for thinking she's cute? Chloe's eyebrows go up. They recognize her as Office Girl. She dropkicks Clark in the chest for unmasking her. He flies back thirty feet into a chain-link fence. Sparks fly. BatChica flies up and out of the scene. She's got legs, apparently, and she knows how to use them. CGI shot of BatChica leaping from ledge to ledge as she scales a building. She reaches a rooftop. We hear a whoosh and Clark is right there with her. BatChica's a bit surprised.
A hand removes an old-looking six-shooter from an ornate, red fabric-lined box. It's Papa Luthor, sitting in the spooky blue Metropolis LuthorCorp office. The gun has a white handle. He cocks it. Not going to contemplate committing suicide this time? Good. Papa points the gun in the air at nothing in particular. Just then, Lex walks through the automatic doors. Thank you, come again! Lex says that if he knew Papa wanted a duel, he'd have brought his own pistol. Papa says it's not a weapon, it's a piece of history. It killed a historian. Papa examines the firing chambers as he tells Lex it was a gift from their overseas partner. Snidely, Lex says, "That's right. A duel would require you to face your opponent. You prefer to strike when they least expect it." That just sounds smart, dude. Papa pretends to figure out what Lex means, and then says that he must be referring to the activity in the Asian markets that morning. Huh? Did I miss an episode? Papa says that brokers were buying shares of LuthorCorp like they were "half-priced pot stickers." Lex suspects that Papa is working with the Chinese, using a company called the Apex Group to make a hostile takeover bid on LuthorCorp. Papa smiles and says he's glad Lex has been paying attention. He goes over to pat Lex on the shoulder, but gets his wrist grabbed instead. "Wipe that smug smile off your face," Lex tells him. "I won't let it happen." Papa asks how Lex is going to stop it: "Leveraged recapitalization?" Yeah! Some of that! And a little...uh...ventricular fibrillation! Papa gets angry and says that Lex's senatorial campaign directly compromised LuthorCorp's assets. How was that? Papa says that no bank will give Lex the money he needs. Lex asks what Papa's going to do for an encore: "Put a bullet in my head?" Put sugar in his gas tank? Eh, the bullet in the head thing was probably better than my suggestion. Papa jokes that he would never fire the gun at Lex. It's priceless. Papa says it was the gun General Macarthur wore when he returned to the Philippines. "What was it he said, son?" Papa asks dramatically, holding the gun close to his face, "I have returned." Eeeevil! Lex tells Papa Luthor not to get ahead of himself. Exiting, he says that Papa hasn't taken the beach yet. Papa fondles the gun. The gun likee.
Rooftop. BatChica, maskless, poses dramatically at the edge of the roof. She calls Clark a "meathead," and says that if he wants a show-and-tell, he should go first. "I don't know," Clark says. Don't know...what? Clark says he was born this way. Don't begrudge him his lack of intelligence, BatChica. She tells him that he's lucky: the worst part is remembering what it's like to be normal. She calls herself a freak of nature, and says that she got that way when she received a heart transplant six months ago. She got a heart from a girl who died in the last meteor shower. She tells Clark he has no idea what it's like to have your life traded for someone else's. Er. Yeah. She says she carries something so she'll never forget. It's a giant pendant with a glowing green rock inside. Clark lurches backward, nauseated. He says he's kinda allergic. "To a rock? Okay, whatever," she says. She tells Clark that she guesses Clark and Chloe have all they need for their little article. "I'm not here to expose you," Clark says. But it would be nice.
Clark asks for BatChica's help in finding MamaKent's muggers. She says that other people need a lot more help than someone looking for a missing watch. She walks off. Clark stops her with "It belonged to my dad." She guesses that Clark lost him, and that he can't say goodbye. She says she's the same. She was coming home with her mom from a gymnastics meet and they got mugged. A knife went into her heart. "When I looked up, I saw her lying there," she says. You looked...up? And saw your mom...lying on the ground. Look, I'm not trying to poke holes in her story, but...you know. It's not a great story. Clark asks if that's why BatChica fights crime like this. Wow, Clark. Brilliant deduction. You should be on House. With a lot of emotion, BatChica says that her mom dedicated her life to a group called Akrada that fights gangs, dealers, and the suits who wanted to tear down their homes. "She was this little woman," BatChica says, "but she was a bad-ass." Was she a badaaaaaassss? Clark says it's not fair to have someone like that ripped out of your life. Clark and BatChica bond. She says she can help him to find the watch, but she thinks that's not what Clark is really after: "You want justice. Just like me." She tells Clark that the two thugs are part of the 13th Street Gang. They rumble with the Spring Terrace Crips. She says that the guy Clark is after is underground (I can dig it) and that his crew is all packing "9 mils." That doesn't seem like a lot of medicine. "But I'm in if you're in," she says. I think Clark is in.
Commercials. Did you know that your iPod can speak in magic trails to the Ford Fusion? Is there nothing the Ford Fusion can't do?
Mid-point promo. "If you're just joining us...a mysterious woman has arrived in Metropolis. But is she a force for good or an agent of evil?" "Arrived"? I thought BatChica was from there.
Daily Planet. It can't still be the same day, can it? MamaKent walks in, past janitors, to Chloe's area. They just let MamaKent waltz right in after hours? Chloe asks what she's doing there. She's looking for Clark. That's a lot of driving for MamaKent for one night. What is that, nine hours' worth of driving? Chloe says that Clark left her holding the bag, literally, as if that's going to make any sense at all. MamaKent sighs in disappointment. Chloe tells her not to worry. She's sure Clark will pop up, or blur in, or whatever he does. MamaKent says that Clark's been gone all night and isn't answering his cell phone. "It's not like him," MamaKent says. Chloe says there's a lot that hasn't been like Clark lately. MamaKent asks Chloe to tell her what's going on. Chloe says that Clark feels guilty about the watch. MamaKent says that the more Clark pushes his feelings away, the worse it's going to get. Chloe says she knows, and is trying to help, but she doesn't think denial is that unusual. MamaKent is worried that Clark will take out his emotions somewhere unhealthy: "We both know what he's capable of." Chloe thinks that Clark will keep things in perspective, but MamaKent worries that Bo always knew what to say. Sometimes way too much. "I don't think he was the only one," Chloe says. "When he died, I really didn't know if I could keep the secret by myself," says MamaKent. "It's good to know you're here. Thank you." Chloe smiles. They hug. Chloe says that Clark will be fine, and that they won't let anything happen to him.
Bad side of Metropolis. (Though, to be fair, I'm not sure we've seen a good part of town yet.) Clark and Zorro del BatChica walk together toward a group of ne'er-do-wells. She spots the guy Bald Thug was with. Clark pushes someone aside after he informs them, "This isn't a costume party." BatChica suggests that maybe Clark should put the brawn away and let the brains handle this. Sure, but where are they gonna get some of those? BatChica goes right up to Asian Thug and grabs his face, examining some scrapes on it. "Looks like somebody got the best of you," she tells him. She says that they're looking for his friend, the one with the snake tattoo. "So why are you talking to me?" Thug asks. They tell him they want something back from him. Clark notices some other thugs reaching for their guns. "You know what? Just tell him we're looking for him," Clark says, pulling BatChica away. BatChica's not too pleased with that. Clark tells her to wait. They watch Asian Thug reach for his cell phone and make a call. Clark hears the conversation between "Ono" and "Snake." They were last in line at the Henchmen Naming Store. Clark superzips past "Ono" and takes his phone. Can you hear me now? Damn, you really can't! Ono can't act, sadly.
Daily Planet flyover. Clark hands Chloe the cell phone and asks if she can find the last number dialed. Nice phone skills, Clark. ["Seriously. Even I know how to do that with even my crappy phone, and I still haven't figured out call waiting." -- Wing Chun] Chloe guesses her "go-to" status has been reinstated. She was worried she'd been replaced by "the leather-clad version." BatChica, dressed as mild-manned Office Girl, walks in. She's not wearing her glasses. "You always change in a phone booth?" Clark asks. BatChica says that the janitor was in the bathroom. Chloe watches as Office Girl digs in her bag and pulls out a box of Acuvue contact lenses. "I thought the glasses were fake," Chloe says. BatChica says that she's blind as a bat. Nice. She says that the mask doesn't look so good with the glasses over it. She puts the glasses on. "Acuvue to the rescue!" Chloe says, making a face to indicate that she knows how awful it is to have to fill in for Product Placement Pete. Now she's Clearly Commercial Chloe. Office Girl tells Clark that she likes his phone-stealing skills. She says that she could use a sidekick like him. "I'm not a sidekick," Clark mutters. Clark suggests that they use a reverse-phonebook to find Snake. "Got it covered," Office Girl says, as she sits in front of a Dell laptop. Chloe figures that's why Office Girl works here. Because nothing happens in Metropolis without going through The Daily Planet. "Way to put the pieces together, Brenda Starr," she replies. Office Girl traces the cell to a 555 number belonging to "Beatrice Krauss." She guesses it's a stolen phone. Clark asks if she can trace the outgoing calls. They get a list of calls, all highly illegal, and Chloe snarks that Snake is a fan of "Fantasy Phone." Clark sees a pizza delivery number and calls to place an order. He confirms the delivery address, which he didn't really know. Chloe says it's time to call the police. "No!" Clark and Office Girl say at the same time. Chloe thinks that Clark might be a little too close to this. He speechifies that if he doesn't stop lowlifes like this, what's the point in having powers? Chloe vehemently disagrees, but Clark, like a jerk, zips out of the room before she can finish. Office Girl smiles at Chloe. "Don't worry," she says. "I'll keep an eye on him."
Clark, shaking under harsh light, is already grabbing Snake (formerly "Bald Thug"). "How is it that trash like you is still alive and my dad's dead?" he asks. He pushes Snake into a seemingly empty crate. Snake pulls a knife. Clark says he wants his dad's watch back. Snake says he doesn't know what Clark's talking about. Clark choke-holds him against a chain-link fence and lifts. Ow. Snake says he doesn't have the watch, yelping, "I sold it!" Behind Clark, BatChica screams, "What are you waiting for? He deserves to die!" Man, that's loud. It sounds like Clark was delivering on the dying part before BatChica got there. Clark realizes what he's doing, and drops Snake. "If you won't kill him, I will," BatChica says. Clark says not to, but she's already got out the Kryptonite and holds it out against Clark. Clark crumples like a dainty flower. She shoves the Kryptonite under Clark and tells him she has to do this. Clark moans. BatChica takes the knife. She removes her cowl. "You!" Snake says. Her! She throws Snake against the fencing and holds the knife to his throat. She asks if it's the weapon he used to kill her mother. "No!" Clark moans from the ground. "He's not worth it!" BatChica tells Snake he didn't have to kill her mother. He says that it was meant to look like a mugging. "It was a hit?" she asks. He says that BatMom was in the way: it was "those APEX suits" who wanted to tear down their slum. "I want a name," BatChica hisses. "Andrea!" Clark calls. Snake whimpers that all he knows is that the guy he works for got a call from Papa Luthor. Oops. "Don't!" Clark moans. BatChica starts to back off and turn. She sees Clark. Snake chuckles. It's ill-timed. BatChica rears back and stabs Snake in the chest. Snake screams. Clark screams. Snake falls. Clark's not doing so hot himself. BatChica exits, cape flapping. Dramatic music.
Commercials. It's a contest from Acuvue! Win some crap!
Metropolis skyline. Lair of Papa Luthor. Lex is there waiting for him. Lex asks if it isn't presumptuous for him to have set up his office before the Board of Directors has even met on the takeover. Papa says that he values efficiency. He chides Lex about all the calls he must have made to pull strings that were attached to nothing. "Especially when your father's the one holding the scissors," Lex counters. Papa accuses Lex of leaving the company vulnerable. He swipes a key card and enters the office. Lex supposes he should thank Papa Luthor; if he hadn't initiated the takeover, someone else would have. "Exactly!" says Papa Luthor, adding that families look out for each other. Booming combat music plays. Lex says that if family doesn't work out, there's always those scary Luthor closets to rummage through. Papa tells Lex to cut the bullshit. He asks what ancient skeleton Lex thinks he's uncovered. Lex says it's more like a freshly laid corpse. Papa chuckles. He's curious. Lex asks how MamaKent would feel if she knew Papa had a secret meeting with Bo Duke just before he died. Lex says that would test the virtues of even the most forgiving woman. Papa looks a bit scared. "What do you want, Lex?" he asks. Lex takes the key card from Papa's hand. "I hope you enjoyed your stay," he says simply. "Sorry it was so short." I guess Papa won't be doing that hostile takeover after all.
Mean streets of Metropolis. Oh no! It's Ono. He's looking for Snake at his humble, dank abode. He finds Snake's body. And Clark moaning on the floor nearby. "You're...a dead...man!" Ono manages. It's not so much a line reading as a line strangling. Ono makes the classic mistake of pulling Clark up, and off of the Kryptonite. Its glow dies down, and Clark is ready to open up a can of Campbell's Cream of Ass Whooping. Clark lightly pushes Ono toward the fence, and Ono crumples in a heap. He can't even fall right. Pussy! Clark superzips out.
Papa Luthor thinks about his options in the LuthorCorp office. There's a very noticeable green-screen effect as BatChica crashes in through a window behind him. He turns, but no one is there. Then BatChica does appear, on his other side. She grabs him and goes right into hero speech mode. "You kicked people out of their homes!" she says, "so you could develop Suicide Slums for profit!" She accuses Papa Luthor of killing her mother when she got in Papa Luthor's way: "No one escapes justice, Luthor, not even you!" Weird shot of a LuthorCorp box nearby. Papa tries to empathize; he says he grew up on the same mean streets she did. As she pushes Papa Luthor toward the window, he tells BatChica that he also lost his parents to a senseless crime. "It wasn't senseless. It was calculated!" she yells. She holds him by one hand out the window.
Clark appears, and tells BatChica to let the police do their job: "If he's guilty, he'll pay!" He has a very shaky understanding of the U.S. legal system, I see. Shiny lipstick. BatChica asks Clark if his father were murdered, and he were face-to-face with the killer, what he'd do. Clark, keeping his distance, asks what happens if BatChica's wrong. Papa tries to get her to listen to Clark. Clark says he knows what's in BatChica's heart: anger. He says that he feels it too, but that taking Papa Luthor's life won't change anything. "Yes it will!" BatChica screams. It really will. He won't get to kill other people. Clark asks her to think about her mother and whether she'd want BatChica to do this. BatChica hesitates. "Let him go," Clark tells her. BatChica says that she killed a man. And she knows Clark. (When did they get this sudden deep understanding of each other?) She says that Clark would never let her just walk out of there after what she's done. She tells Clark to be the real hero. She drops Papa Luthor. Clark superspeeds toward the window. He grabs Papa Luthor and pulls him back in. BatChica leaps out herself. Clark and Papa Luthor stand at the broken window. Papa rubs his neck. "Exceptional woman," he says. "Grossly misguided." "She's been through a lot," Clark says stiffly. Papa thinks Clark saved him for her sake, not his. "Whatever the reason...thank you, son," Papa says, placing an evil hand on Clark's shoulder. The camera pulls back from that as they both stand in the high-altitude night breeze.
Commercials. Everybody hates The Burger King. I think he's kinda cool.
Kent barn at night. MamaKent walks in, looking for Clark. She spots a jacket belonging to Bo and sighs heavily. You can't tell me this is the same night. Jeez! She takes the jacket and holds it to her cheek. She sits down. Someone from an '80s rock video is standing to the side, backlit. MamaKent is startled. It's Papa Luthor. He apologizes for scaring her. She says it's fine. How long did it take him to get here? He guesses that these days are difficult to get through, and says he understands. He mentions his wife Lilian's death. "I thought I'd never be whole again," he says. "It takes a long time to let yourself heal." MamaKent says curtly that she's doing the best she can. Papa says he heard she talked to the governor about taking Bo Duke's senate seat. MamaKent turns slowly. Papa doesn't bother to ask about her nasty cheek cut. She says she hasn't even told Clark about that, and asks how Papa Luthor knows. He says he makes it a point to know things. MamaKent says she's not sure she'll take the offer. She hopes Papa didn't come to try to sway her one way or the other. He flatters her, telling her she's capable of making that decision on her own. He says he's sorry it's a burden to her with everything else she has to deal with. Papa steps forward. He says he knows Bo leveraged part of the farm to pay back his debt. "That was his decision," MamaKent says. "That was his pride," Papa replies. He says he can't accept it. He and Bo let politics and money come between them. "I don't want that to happen to us, Martha," Papa says, right up in MamaKent's face. She looks wounded and grateful at the same time. Papa starts to walk away. He says that if she needs anything, he's there for her always. "As a friend," he adds. Magnificent! Bastard!
Daily Planet, daytime. Did Clark never go home? He and Chloe stand near an empty desk. Chloe says she found Office Girls's desk like this when she showed up that morning. Chloe tried to call her home and cell, but got no answer. She figures BatChica pulled an Amelia Earhart. Clark guesses they'll never find her. Chloe asks Clark what happened out there. Clark says he should have listened to Chloe. He tells Chloe he had his hand around a guy's throat and almost killed him. "But you didn't," Chloe says. She asks what stopped him. Clark says it was his dad's voice. "I could hear him," Clark says. "He was always the one who kept me from going over the edge when I was too close." Chloe says she wishes BatChica could step back in time. Metropolis could use someone like her right now. Chloe squints at Clark. She asks if Clark could ever be a mild-mannered reporter by day and a crime reporter by night. "Honestly?" Clark asks. "I'm kind of hoping to find a way to not hide who I really am."
Kent Farm. Clark clomps up the stairs to the loft and finds his dad's watch sitting on a little purple drawstring bag. He picks it up. He turns and sees Lana standing there. Lana says she searched every pawn shop in Metropolis looking for it. Ugh. How did Lana even know what it looked like? Clark can't believe she found it. Neither can I. Clark apologizes for how he's been acting. For the last 4 1/2 years? He says he should be able to move on, but...life without Bo doesn't feel real. Lana says it feels like you're frozen and the whole world is going on around you. No, that's the Fortress of Solitude. Lana says that you always go through this thing alone. Clark says that Lana never lets him take the easy way out. Douche. Lana tells him to put the watch on. He does. Angelic music plays. "It looks great," Lana says. "Your dad would be really happy."
Clark walks into the living room. He frowns heavily when he hears Bo's voice telling someone to do a figure eight. "Please be careful!" we hear MamaKent say. "Don't worry, sweetheart, it's gonna be fine!" Bo bellows. Clark steps forward slowly. He sees MamaKent watching a home video. Bo and a young Clark are riding a tractor. "This young man is a man of steel!" Bo cries. It looks fun. MamaKent smiles warmly. Bo yells about the whole farm belonging to Clark one day. Incredibly sad music plays. MamaKent turns to Clark. On TV, Bo tells Clark to wave bye-bye. Bo appears in close-up. He lifts a hand and says, "Bye-bye." Clark cries, a tear rolling down his cheek. MamaKent sees the watch on Clark's hand. She comes to him. She smiles, her heart melting. They hug. Clark starts sobbing in MamaKent's arms. He sniffles. The camera pulls back out of the living room as Bo's face is frozen on the television. We go to black as Clark continues to cry. Look. If you've been watching the show for a long time, it's impossible not to cry while watching this scene. I just did it for the second time. I bitch a lot, and there's a whole lot of us who are bitter and jaded, but this scene came out of nowhere and just beat us right in the heart. Very, very nicely done ending. Damn, that was sad and sweet.