Everyone's Waiting

Well, this is it, y'all. The last episode. And I've decided to do something really special to mark the occasion. Remember how for the 24Season Three finale, I traveled to Los Angeles and attempted to write the recap in real time? Well, at some point after I submit this recap, I'm going to die. I don't know when or how, but I know it's going to happen. This is the kind of thing I'm willing to do for you lovely people.

Starting out with a correction, because it's actually relevant; I thought it was the OB sitting to Brenda as she tried to give birth at the end of the last episode, but it was in fact Ruth. The OB is down where she belongs, on her little stool, watching Willa crown. So who's going to be the Corpse of the Week? Brenda, dying in childbirth after insisting on ignorance throughout her pregnancy? Ruth, from attention starvation? Willa, from having a birth weight lower than that of a Big Mac? The OB, when Willa's eagerness to escape from Brenda expels her so quickly from the birth canal that she takes the doctor's head right off? We'll have to wait and see. The Foley guys dump a pot of goulash on the floor as Brenda slumps back in exhaustion. And then there's silence, as masked faces glance urgently at one another. Brenda asks why the baby isn't crying yet, and the OB whisks a gooey little latex doll over to a rolling Plexiglas crib, puts a ventilator bag over its face, and joins the group rolling it out of the room as Brenda wonders where the baby is going. Fade to white. Welcome to the world, Willa Fisher Chenowith (2005 -- [blank]). You have no idea what you've just gotten yourself into.

Claire arrives at home, just as Ruth's leaving a message on her machine about how small Willa is: four pounds, two ounces, which is indeed wee. Judging by Brenda's belly, the baby must have been wearing Missy Elliott's Hefty-bag outfit from "The Rain" video while in the womb. Ruth begins crying, saying, "I can't take another child dying" as she breaks down. We see that Ruth is talking on a pay phone in the hospital hallway instead of a cell phone, of course, because she hasn't learned anything. Ruth pulls herself together and says she's alone with Brenda and the baby at Cedars-Sinai, although she's sure Claire will want to come. Claire looks like she's trying to think of a way that Ruth could be more wrong, and the sheer volume of the mental effort she's expending is making the lines on my TV all wiggly. Ruth hangs up without Claire ever answering her phone.

A bit later, Claire's listening to the rest of her messages, the of which is from Ted, explaining why he took her keys. "Yeah, the world is fucked up, but ending up in a wheelchair isn't gonna make it any better. You're too smart. You're too good. Don't waste that." Beep. And the message is Ted again, realizing that he just turned into his father. Which is funny, because that's totally been an ongoing theme with him. Nice payoff. Ted says, "This is what you do to me. Call me, please." Totally disarmed, Claire picks up the phone to do just that.

Cut to a musical montage of Ted posing naked to Christian rock (oh, Alan, you little scamp, you), looking all goofy and self-conscious while Claire snaps away with the digital camera Billy bought her. Because you don't bring that kind of film to the photomat, and it's not like she could use Billy's darkroom for these.

Brenda stands in the hallway outside the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, nervously watching Willa in her incubator. The NICU that M. Small spent the first eighteen days of his life in was much nicer than this; we could go in and hang out with him indefinitely. The couch even folded out. It was like a hotel room with an incubator instead of a bed, and a shitload of medical equipment instead of a TV. Oh, and a really tiny baby. If you ever give birth prematurely, do it in St. Paul. "Too bad you don't believe in anything," says a voice behind her, and she turns to see Late Nate, Jr. approaching, saying, "or you could pray." He takes up position to her at the window. "This is exactly what I was afraid of," he says. "Fuck." Like taking care of her is going to be his problem. He's dead; all he has to do is show up and bitch. Then Brenda is standing alone at the window again as the camera looks past her down the hall to a bright, white light.

Anthony and Durrell sit watching what I'm told is The Fairly Oddparents (at this point my familiarity with children's television is still limited to Baby Einstein) as the dads come into the room, David carrying a bag slung over his shoulder. He says he's leaving for a few days, and Anthony asks why. Durrell thinks he's got it figured out: "'Cause y'all are splitting up, and you're gonna leave us with him," he says, pointing dismissively at Keith. David assures them that he's not leaving, which is kind of an odd thing to say when holding a suitcase. Durrell says as much, and David makes up a lie about a funeral directors' conference in Portland. He promises he's coming back. "I heard that before," Durrell says. Rather than pointing out that he never heard it from David, David gets up and leaves without another word.

Ruth and Maya are sitting at the Fisher kitchen table, doing some sort of flower arrangement thing, when Ma Chenowith marches right in, bitching about Ruth leaving her back door open. "Ruth, it isn't the fifties anymore, no matter how you dress." Having thus charmed everyone, Ma asks Maya if she's ready to go. "No!" Maya barks. Ruth wonders where Maya's going, and Ma explains that Maya's going back home. Ruth is surprised to hear that it's happening so soon, and Ma Chenowith says that Brenda's coming home from the hospital tonight while the baby stays in for a couple of weeks. Ruth utters a sad "oh." Ma Chenowith looks annoyed. I hope it's Brenda she's annoyed with for not giving Ruth any advance notice of this, but somehow I doubt it. Ruth says she'll go pack Maya's things. "That would be helpful, Ruth," Ma snots. Ruth leaves the room.

Dinner at the Diazes'. Rico and Vanessa are discussing their plans for when he gets bought out of the business, at which point he expects half a million dollars for his share, enough to put a down payment on the funeral home they were stalking during the last episode. He asks he if she thinks it'll work. She says she enjoyed helping at the funeral: "It's sort of like being a nurse but without all the blood and bedpans and pills, and I got to wear better clothes." So she won't be helping with the bodies, I take it. She says he just needs to get the Fishers to buy Rico out. "Or sell," Rico says, "preferably to someone who just wants the house and the land and wants to shut the business down." Vanessa looks uncertain, until Rico points out that Brenda, who got Nate's share, doesn't want to be in the funeral business and David's "going kind of nuts. Plus, who needs the competition anyway?" Vanessa smiles at him proudly. That's my little cutthroat, she thinks.

Ruth sits alone at her table full of flowers as the phone rings. Finally she picks it up. It's George, calling from his van pool stop at UCLA to check in. Astute listener that he is, he's able to pick up from her flat voice and almost total lack of affect that she's having a bad day. Ruth confirms it, saying that Ma Chenowith took off with Maya. "Now I'm alone," she says as David comes in carrying his bag. "I'm completely alone." George tries to comfort her, but she sees David standing in her kitchen and hangs up. "I can't be at home right now," David tells her. Ruth asks where he'll go. "Here," he duhs. Did Ruth change her number and only give the new one to George or something? People just keep showing up and dropping bombshells on her. Ruth takes this news much better than she did the repossession of Maya; she tells David to bring his stuff upstairs and she'll make him some cereal. She offers it "in your yellow bowl." David starts to say he hasn't eaten out of that yellow bowl since he was a little boy, then agrees as his oblivious mother gets it out of the cabinet and fills it up.

Claire's answering machine sure gets a lot of lines tonight. She runs in to her place and picks up the phone just as someone is leaving a message. The caller identifies himself as being from "New Image. We're a stock photo production house in New York City." They want her to apply for a job as a photographer's assistant, and the guy mentions that a lot of their staff photographers started as assistants. Claire can barely believe her luck.

Cut to her down in the Fisher kitchen, doing that thing where you're pretending not to be totally stoked about something even when you are. She yammers on about how she's sure the pay is shit, and she wonders who recommended her (the gallery owner, or Billy, or someone else). It's basically a one-shot of her talking, so we're just waiting for the reveal where she turns out to be talking to an empty room. But when she finishes mixing her coffee, she turns around and realizes that she might as well be; Ruth and David are both sitting motionless at the kitchen table in their bathrobes. Ruth miserably says, "That's wonderful to hear," and David adds, "You couldn't pay me to live in New York City." Ruth offers Claire a bowl of cereal, but Claire, hearing only "one of us one of us one of us," declines and gets the hell out of there.

Rico and Vanessa are touring what may be the Diaz & Diaz funeral home (of course you know Vanessa will insist on having her name first). Rico gets assurance from the realtor that the plumbing problems in the basement were fixed, although she's not clear on the particulars. "When everything gets backed up, then blood comes out of the toilet," Rico explains to her. Vanessa asks for a copy of the work report and guarantee, then points out a spot where they can put in an espresso bar. Rico says he always wanted to do that, but "David thought it would be disrespectful." I have to agree. Go with a beer tub. They both smile happily during the fade to white.

I don't know how many days or weeks have passed, but Brenda's peering through that same window at her incubating daughter while Ma Chenowith stands to her, listening to the doctor give good news: Willa's doing well. The doctor's ready to permanently remove the feeding tube and send her home in another 24 hours. Brenda gets confirmation that there's no sign of spina bifida or Downs, or anything else from that scary test, at least not yet. Brenda looks at the doctor gratefully, then looks back at her daughter, then does a double take as Nate has suddenly taken the doctor's place. He's wearing the doctor's clothes and everything, like he Quantum Leaped into the doctor's body. This walking malpractice suit bitches, "Great. So she'll seem normal for a while, until whatever's fucked up about her shows up." Ma Chenowith tells Brenda this is good news, and Nate tells her to "Shut up, Marge, you fucking idiot." Heh. He thinks Willa's prematurity is connected to the blood test. "There's something wrong with our baby. You should never have had it." Brenda sighs miserably and runs her hand through her hair. Ma snaps her out of it by telling her not to "shit all over" the good news. Brenda thanks the doctor, who's back in his body, and he leaves the Chenowiths alone.

Ruth's watching a rerun of Just Shoot Me in her bathrobe. I'm sure that's relevant somehow, but I just can't put my finger on it. Maybe there's a clue in the title. George walks right in and sits down to her on the sofa, remarking that the back door's open. "Yes, I suppose someone could just come in and murder me in cold blood. Which would be a blessing." Rather than making fun of Ruth's wardrobe, George says she just needs time, but Ruth says she feels worse every day. She can barely remember life before Nate, and says she can't live without him. George says she can, for Maya. Ruth says, "They've taken Maya. I'll probably never see her or her sister again. If her sister even survives." George says she'll get through it, but she doesn't want to. "This is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone," she insists. "I just want it to end." George offers to take care of her: "You did it for me. Now it's my turn." "To do what?" Ruth snaps. To stomp around the house acting all distant and put-upon, beg David not to leave, and plot how to dump her? But she clarifies, "Feel helpless while you watch me lose my mind?" George just wants to hold her. She lets him. We cut away before he starts moving all of her stuff down to the bomb shelter.

Cut to David in the office, telling his partners that he has no intention of selling the family business. Rico tells David to buy him out then, and warns him that the place is worth $2 million. So he bought 25% of the business for $75,000 three years ago, and now wants half a million to get out three years later? Greedy much? He asks Brenda what she wants to do. She says she doesn't really care. David gapes at her in betrayal. "Sorry, David, I don't," although it sounds like she called him "dude," which I would have preferred. Maybe the Fishers would have liked her more if she dropped a "dude" every once in a while. David realizes he doesn't care either. "Why am I fighting for something that I've always been ambivalent about?" he asks the room. "Habit," says Brenda, using one word to sum up the driving force behind her and Nate's relationship for God knows how long. Thanks, Brenda, for rendering sixty-three recaps completely superfluous. David agrees to put the funeral home on the market. "Coo'," Rico grins.

Up in the kitchen, David takes his microwave dinner out of the nuke box, excitedly telling Ruth about his decision. She doesn't seem to care one way or another. "We've all been clutching so desperately to the past, and for what?" "Because that's when there was hope," Ruth says softly. David looks up at her at that, and seems to notice her outfit for the first time: a brown cardigan over her powder-blue terry cloth bathrobe, and a straw gardening hat. It's a look that makes a powerful fashion statement, and that statement is, "After careful consideration, I have decided to run mad." She happens to glance over at the gap between the refrigerator and the wall, and notices something lodged in there. She immediately dives at it, falls to her knees, and sets about trying to pull it out while David sits in his chair and watches in pity and confusion. Claire comes in to say she's going over to Ted's tonight. "Take a sweater," Ruth sobs from the floor. Claire asks David what she's doing, but David has no idea. Ruth finally frees a small, brown stuffed animal from behind the fridge and weeps loudly, still crouched on the floor. Her children just watch as she says, "[Maya] loves this monkey. I have to wash it." She slumps out of the room, petting it furiously. This is what family's for. At moments like this, when times get hard, you can always count on them to stare at you like a sideshow freak. Fade to white.

Exterior shot of the funeral home, with a realtor's sign reading "IN ESCROW" Which is why it's a little weird that Keith and David are at the natural history museum. They walk among the dinosaur skeletons, excitedly talking about what they can do with David's share and Keith's savings -- namely, buy a house and, Keith adds, send David back to school to become a lawyer like he always wanted. David says, "I don't think I ever wanted to be a lawyer. I think I just wanted to have sex with Harry Hamlin." But he's all excited about getting a house with a yard and a dog and a tire swing. "Those boys don't want a tire swing," Keith says. "They want a TV the size of a wall." They agree that David will be ready to come home soon. Keith squeezes David's arm and goes off to find the kids. David turns to follow, and of course sees a person with a red hoodie on the far side of the exhibit hall. Then the wearer pulls the hood down and reveals himself to be a young, tall, blonde woman. Rico should totally start wearing one of those hoodies around the funeral home all the time.

David catches up with his family looking into a display case outside the museum's theater, so they can hear the sound of prehistoric animal growling. Anthony points out a fossilized wolf brain that "looks like poop," and David pronounces it "Cool." Durrell snaps that it's not, and David saying it is makes it even less so. Durrell stomps off. Looks like someone's still mad at David for leaving. Or he's pissed about the cheapening of the concept of cool, which is only going to get worse as he enters high school and college. Pace yourself, Durrell.

Over at Brenda's house, she's doing something incredibly reckless; she's letting Olivier hold Willa. Ma Chenowith laughs at the French lullaby Olivier just sang to the baby, and Olivier defensively goes, "So?" Billy, stalking the bookcase to Olivier's chair, answers, "So? So, it has to be analyzed and diagnosed and turned into an example of some kind of pathology. I mean, this is the Chenowith family." Olivier steals my line when he tells Willa, "That's what you were born into. I'm sorry." Like I'm sure that French he just sang to her isn't something completely violent or filthy.

Outside, Claire, Ted, Ruth, and Ted's goofy striped polo shirt mount the steps to the front porch. Ruth balks when she realizes Brenda's "having guests," and heads back to wait in the car. Ted chases her down the steps and assures her that Maya will be happy to see her monkey. "And to see you," he adds, before Ruth hands him the stuffed animal and continues on her way. Claire knocks, which means that Billy is contractually obligated to answer, wearing his "What Would Jesus Bomb?" T-shirt. Awkwardness ensues. Billy invites everyone in, politely calling Ruth "Mrs. Fisher." Ted introduces himself, and Claire introduces her ex as "Billy. Brenda's brother." Ted says Billy's name, and Billy says Ted's back with ten times more meaning than a lesser actor would be able to infuse into that one syllable. They say it's nice to meet each other as Billy closes the door, scratching his head.

A little later, Ruth and Maya laugh happily over Maya and the monkey she's been reunited with. Claire watches from the archway to the dining room. Olivier and his light-blue sweater come up and ask about her impending move to New York. Claire downplays the deal with her new job: "It's just a lame gofer job, like I used to do for you." Olivier disagrees: "You could easily go on to become a soulless advertising photographer. And with your gifts, I'm sure you will." Claire stands there trying to figure out if she just got insulted or complimented, until Oliver rescues her by saying he was the one who recommended her. Claire's incredulous, but Olivier insists that he believes in her. Claire thanks Olivier effusively, which of course embarrasses him into saying she just popped into his mind after seeing her at the art show. And he didn't recommend Russell?