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The Siberians wake up and find a spear in the ground outside the men's cabin. There's a note on it that Sam translates as "Get out," although there's a possibility that he's just making it up. Neeko insists that it's just a prop that's been put there by the producers like all the other weird stuff. This opinion changes a little when the sky glows a mysterious green for the entire night.
Esther tricks a married camera guy into having sex with her in the lake, and also into letting her record the whole thing and use the footage to blackmail him. But the footage appears in the show, which kind of gets in the way of that narrative. Annie tries to kiss Natalie, who freaks out a little. But later, Natalie kisses Annie so now they're something of a couple. Daniel even manages to give Irene a pretty rock, so he gets in on the romance.
But it's not all lovey-dovey stuff. When Miljan learns that Esther is moving to the women's cabin, he grabs her by the throat and shoves her against the wall before claiming that it was just a joke. Luckily, he then gets distracted by his new hobby of talking to totem poles and trees, which eventually leads him to a mysterious buried book. It's in Russian, but that doesn't stop him from staring at it a lot.
Carolina and Johnny are out in the woods when they both apparently black out. When they come to, Carolina is covered with wounds and everyone thinks Johnny is responsible. Neeko is narrowly prevented from smashing Johnny's head in with a hammer. And when Johnny starts quizzing Carolina on why she set him up to be blamed for the food shed fire, Daniel recognizes her as an actor. So she admits that she burned the food, but she says that she was told to do it by the producers. She's a plant!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Oh, hello! We're back! Last week, Siberia was cancelled because it was more important to get Royal Baby News. But now it's back on! In case you forgot, episodes of this show involved: a tiger! And Victoria had visions of the sky being green or on fire or something.
Johnny is out in the woods making his own fire and complaining about being framed for destroying the food. He says it's clear that he can take care of himself, because he was able to build a fire in five minutes in the dark. He doesn't mention that it's because he has a lighter, which I think makes the achievement a little less impressive. His point is that he doesn't want to be friends with those stupid jerks.
At the camp, Sam is happy that Johnny's staying in the woods, because he hates him so much. And also because he thinks this will make Johnny less likely to make it to the end of winter, which will make it hard for him to win. Daniel says he wants to get to the end as a team, and he describes Neeko as being a great team leader. Miljan explains to him that Neeko is a professional athlete, so he might just be playing the game. His logic is that athletes are familiar with games, but I think rugby players are familiar with teams, too. Either way, I think all of the Siberians are way too eager to switch to an individual game. They don't even have a consistent food source yet, which is going to be a real problem for them.
Out in the woods, Johnny lies down to his fire. He didn't dig a pit or anything, so I'm not sure it's a good idea to go to sleep that close to it.
The morning. Daniel puts on his glasses, looks around suspiciously, and goes outside. As soon as he opens the door, he sees a spear stabbed in the ground. There's afeather tied to it, and a note with one word in Russian. Sam translates it as "Get out." I kind of hope one of the Shocking Twists will be that he doesn't really understand Russian and has been faking it the whole time. Neeko says it's just a prop, because he's all-in on the theory that anything weird has been put there by the producers of the television show. I think it's a mistake to have him keep dwelling on that, because it really was put there by producers of a television show, if you want to get real about it. If you want me to care about these characters, you need to give me at least a chance to suspend my disbelief. When there are special effect, you don't want the characters pointing out how fake they look, you know? Sabina tests the tip of the spear and Sam looks thoughtful.
Natalie and Annie sit by some trees and discuss whether they should be scared of that spear. Annie is sketching Natalie, who says she misses her stupid ex-boyfriend. Natalie says she's thinking of pushing the button, but Annie doesn't want her to go. Natalie says she doesn't need the money, and Annie gets kind of offended and says, "I do." She leaves in something of a snit. Annie is kind of overreacting here. Can you guess why? Write down your guess about what's annoying the girl in the black leather jacket, and seal it in an envelope.
Sam tells us that he's normally a lone wolf, and this experience is causing him to interact with people more. Especially with Daniel, who he's starting to see as a son. Daniel's sitting to him, and he's watching Irene goof around with Miljan. Daniel reminds us that he's smitten by Irene, but he doesn't want to make a move. He asks Sam for some tips on getting her to like him. Sam doesn't think you can make someone like you. He figures either she does or she doesn't. It's a solid comment, but not that useful to Daniel at the moment.
Esther is out in the lake, topless, and she's talking to her camera guy. The camera guy tells her she's not allowed to talk to him. She and her pixelated boobs encourage him to come into the lake with her. He says he's not allowed to, but his resolve is wavering, and he soon sets the camera down. Then there's a cut and she points the camera at him. His face is pixelated and he says this isn't a good idea, but she's all over him with the sexytimes. She makes him promised to erase the footage, which doesn't make a lot of sense. If you don't want to be caught on camera, don't point a camera at yourself! I might be using hindsight, though, because it's obvious that the footage didn't get deleted.
Natalie follows Annie into the woods. Annie complains that she needs to get used to being alone, and Natalie catches up to her. Annie is angry that Natalie is turning her back on her by talking about leaving. And then she kisses Natalie! Please consult your guess about what was bothering Annie. If it said, "She has a crush on Natalie," score yourself five bonus points. If it says anything else, I can only assume this is the first television show you've ever watched. Natalie doesn't return the kiss, so Annie runs off. She interviews that Natalie probably won't speak to her at all now.
Esther comes into the women's cabin and asks Irene what's up with Victoria's bed. Irene says it's okay with her if Esther takes it, but the other women might comment. Spoiler: they won't! Esther interviews that it was fun being in the boys' cabin, but now she wants to get to know the girls a bit more. When she tells this to Miljan, he's shocked and despondent and offended. He suggests that they team up to win, and she says she'll think about it, but she doesn't do romance. She makes her agenda clear: "I'm playing a game. For money!" Then he grabs her, shoves her against the bunk bed, and calls her a bitch.
When we return from commercial, he's got his hand around her neck, and she shoves him off. Then he claims he was just kidding, which is not particularly convincing. Maybe we just have different senses of humor. She does an interview describing the situation, which is a waste of time. We just saw it! I know this sort of thing is a staple on reality shows, but this is not, in fact, a reality show, and we could be advancing the plot instead of having a character describe a scene ten seconds after it happens. Miljan tells us he just pushed her a little on the back. He repeats his thing about how it was just a joke, which it was not. He had his hand around her neck.
Neeko takes Carolina out into the woods where the tiger was. And where once there was a tiger, now there is no tiger. It's gone, but there's a little blood on the ground. Carolina thinks he's making it all up. Neeko thinks the producers took it away. He also suggests that Johnny might have done it, which Carolina mocks: "Oh, now Johnny does everything?" That doesn't seem quite fair, since she's the one who made everyone think Johnny burned down the food shed. She walks away, and he shouts at her that Johnny's dangerous and she should look out for him. He interviews that the tiger was really big, and there's no sign of it being dragged off. Did something just pick it up and carry it off? And was that something not heavy enough to leave marks from just walking around?
Johnny walks through the woods, checking the traps. He says it was nice being on his own. He finds a deer leg in a trap, but the rest of the deer is not there because something ripped the rest of the deer off it. Well, that's disappointing! Putting out those traps was one of the only good ideas any of the Siberians has come up with. And then! Carolina comes through the brush to try to convince him to come back to the camp. He says it's safer to be on his own out in the woods than to be with a bunch of people that don't trust him. He reiterates his thing about being able to take care of himself. She says "Fine!" and leaves, and then he follows her. This is going to come up later, so I will point out that there is at least one camera crew here. There should be two, since somebody should have been following Carolina, but we definitely know that Johnny has one.
Irene is collecting acorns (for gross acorn paste) when Daniel comes up to make awkward small talk. She tells us that he has a very gentle spirit. He starts to offer her a flower, but she's not into that. She thinks it's weird to give people flowers, since they're dying. "Even a rock would be better," she says. Daniel continues to be smitten.
Annie follows Natalie through the woods. They're both lost. This is a great way to occupy characters until their subplots are supposed to pay off.
Miljan is out in the woods with a bucket when there are weird animal noises on the soundtrack. He comes upon a totem pole, which he describes as a "weird-looking tree." He talks to it and names it "Ogdi." He is very entertained by his own wackiness in talking to it. This is a weird scene, not least because Miljan has never heard of a totem pole.
Esther's cameraman finds her in the women's cabin and tells her that someone has the disk that was in the camera when they had sex. She tells him that she has the tape, and she'll erase it after she wins the competition. He protests that he's got a wife, so she explains that she's blackmailing him for help in the game. That seems pretty clear, right? Okay. It bothers me that they can't agree on whether it's a disk or a tape, especially since there's a pretty good chance that it's really film. And why did he leave his camera on for this scene where he discussed his misbehavior? He should at least have deleted this footage, right? And there are only so many places she could have hidden this thing, since she's on camera most of the time.
Okay, enough nitpicking of this one plot. Gotta save some for the other nonsense! In other news, Daniel is out collecting acorns when he finds a blue rock. It's kind of pretty, I guess, if you're into blue rocks.
Sabina comes home and says she's been "out." She's not interested in chatting with Irene or Esther. And I'm not surprised, since Irene's entire personality so far is "lady that Daniel likes."
Annie and Natalie are still lost in the woods, and the sun's about to go down. They hear a noise, but it's just Miljan with his bucket of water. He tells them what direction to go to find the camp, then says it's suspicious that they're out there alone. Shut up, Miljan. Incidentally, I think it would be a good idea if people made some markings on the trees to let themselves know how to get home. There's a lot of Siberia to get lost in.
Nighttime. Neeko is concerned that Carolina didn't come back after looking for Johnny. He's thinking about going looking for her, which seems like a bad idea to me. As I mentioned in the last paragraph, Siberia is a big place. You probably don't want to just wander around in the middle of the night, hoping to run across someone who's also lost. Miljan says they're probably just out having sex or something. And then! There's an earthquake and the cabin window glows green! Everyone runs outside, and the sky is glowing green. Neeko interviews, "The sky is this odd color that I've never seen in my life." But it's just green. Has Neeko never seen the color green before? That's so sad. Now he's willing to consider the possibility that the producers aren't doing this, since lighting the whole sky up seems difficult. Sam says it's like the sky is on fire, which concerns Daniel, because that's what Victoria said would happen. Sam says it feels like he's on another planet. Everyone stares up at the sky for awhile (none of them mention the Northern Lights, which would be my first thought), and the conversation turns to Carolina. This would be a pretty good time to look for her, since the sky's eerie green glow lights the place up pretty well.
But here comes Carolina now! She staggers out of the woods and collapses at the edge of the clearing. There's a lot of blood on her, and everyone asks what happened. She manages to say that she doesn't remember what happened, which nobody thinks is a satisfying answer. She says she was with Johnny, and then she says they were fighting, but that's the end of what she can remember. Neeko grabs a hammer and starts to go after Johnny. Sam stops him and says he has to look at Johnny's hands to see if he actually did this. It's interesting to see Sam being the voice of reason. Neeko and Sam go into the woods on their mission of vengeance, and Neeko is ranting about how he's not going to let Johnny stab him in the back. The women bring Carolina into the cabin.
Out in the woods, Neeko and Sam hear some weird noises. Neeko says that it always feels like something's watching him. There's a camera crew, dummy. You're literally being watched by these people you're talking to. As Neeko and Sam go into the woods, the camera weaves left and right, as though the camera operator is looking for something. That's a nice touch. Neeko says Johnny is obviously around here somewhere, although he gives no clue of why he believes that. Sam says if Johnny's near them, they'd see him. His logic is that it's mostly bushes in this area, so he thinks it's probably an animal. They don't even know that this is where Carolina sustained her injuries! This is just sloppy work.
Natalie interviews that she doesn't want to die. She walks into the clearing and cries. Daniel says that it doesn't make sense that Johnny would hurt Carolina. Then Johnny walks up! Daniel gets in his face and demands to know what he did to Carolina, but Johnny just looks confused and says he doesn't understand. His contribution to the conversation is mostly saying, "I don't really remember." He's got some bruises on his face. Annie and Natalie run out and yell at him. Johnny doesn't know what to say, and Daniel tells him it's not a very good answer. Soon everyone's around him accusing him, and they don't like his claim that he doesn't know what happened. Then Neeko jumps him from behind, shouting about bashing his brains in. There's a scrum, but Carolina finally breaks up the fight by running out and screaming that Johnny didn't do it. Neeko allows himself to be dragged away, although he continues to call Johnny a dead man. Daniel brings Neeko into the cabin to sit him down and talk some sense. Outside, Sam talks to Johnny, who is pretty convincing when he says he doesn't know what's going on. He holds out his hands, and Natalie says she's "seen that before." It's pretty dark (even with the magic green skies), but I think he might have bloody knuckles? And maybe Natalie is having some PTSD from having been abused in the past?
The camera watches Miljan talking to the totem pole, and pans around. I think he vanishes. And maybe it wasn't Miljan. This scene was very short and deliberately confusing.
The morning! Esther has decided the green sky was authentically supernatural. Johnny doesn't think he did anything to Carolina, since he's never hit a woman in his life. But since he doesn't remember anything, he can't guarantee it. Carolina also doesn't remember it, so I guess it's a mystery. Unless we get to see the camera footage, because (as you remember) there was at least one camera crew with them. And we're being shown footage of Esther's blackmail operation, so at least some "secret" stuff is being included in this show.
Sabina studies the spearhead as Neeko watches. She says it's handmade and seems to be authentic. It's balanced for throwing, and has the proper binding. Neeko still thinks it's a prop, but she doesn't care. I don't see why they couldn't have gotten a legitimate spear and used it as a prop.
Miljan walks up to a tree, which has an eight-pointed star on it. He describes it as "four lines and little triangles on the ends." It's not quite Michael Moorcock's symbol for Chaos, because the triangles are facing the wrong way. He finds a few more, and it's a path that leads him to a hole in the ground with a box that contains a book. But it's in Cyrillic, so he can't read it. And then he sees someone with a spear! He quickly reburies the box, but the mysterious person has vanished. Aside from the abusiveness, Miljan's getting into some interesting stuff with his plot.
Annie comes into the cabin, and Natalie's in there. She tries to blame her kiss on a "weird mood," and Natalie kisses her. And now they're both happy! Hooray!
Johnny comes into what I guess is the other cabin and sits down to Carolina. Neither of them remember anything, but she's sure Johnny didn't hurt her. He says he'd never hurt her. So they're fine with each other for the moment, although they're strangely unconcerned about the lost memories and unexplained injuries. Combined with the mysterious green sky, I think they'd be totally justified in hitting the panic button at this point.
Campfire. There's an acoustic guitar on the soundtrack, but it's not about one of the characters. It's a song about people in love, and it's really oddly shoehorned in here. As it plays, we get a montage of all the characters. Miljan studies his book that he can't read. Natalie and Annie have a deep conversation. Daniel gives Irene his blue rock and backs away as she smiles. Sabina kisses her medallion. Sam looks at the thing he got from the river that he's using as a bracelet. Esther looks over at Miljan. Five birds fly past. I don't know what their deal is. They probably just want to get out of the area before giant Gumbies kill everyone.
Once the song's over, Johnny asks Carolina why she set him up with that whole food-shed-burning thing. She doesn't answer, so he leaves. She yells some Spanish as she chases him. And then! Daniel recognizes her! He shouts, "She's that actress from that show!" I don't know why they don't make up a show for her to be from. They could even use The Bold and the Beautiful, which the actress (Joyce Giraud) did a couple episodes of in 2001. Carolina says that the producers made her burn down the shed and set him up. Everyone is paying attention now! Especially Natalie, whose mouth is in a comical O of shock. She's like ten times more shocked than anyone else.
That's the end of the episode, but there's something in the "Week" section that I want to address. According to the announcer, "It's been one tragedy after the ." I don't see how a tragedy can be after the one. Maybe we're going backwards in time! That would explain why the Aussie Host has been gone since the second episode.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.