In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The Siberians find a swimmin' hole that gets them very excited to go swimming, even though they already know about a lake right down the path from the camp. This leads to a lot of pixelated nudity, especially from Esther. The whole scene is just there to justify one-third of the title of the episode: "Lyin' and Tiger and Bare." I think someone's trying too hard. Which is weird, because other parts of the show suggest people who aren't trying very hard at all.
After a night-time round of "Truth or Dare," everyone's morale falls pretty low when the food shed burns to the ground. This gives Johnny the opportunity to dig at Neeko about how the food shouldn't have been locked in there, and now people are thinking about considering Johnny their new leader. And that's an opportune time for the Revealer to hand out an archery set. The only one who's any good at using it is Irene, so Johnny takes her out into the woods to hunt for deer.
While they're out, Annie and Natalie run around screaming that they saw a tiger. This causes some concern for the safety of Irene and Johnny, because when a giant killer tiger is stalking around, you probably don't want to be covered in deer blood. Neeko thinks the tiger is a plant by the producers, because he doesn't think they'd be put in any actual danger. Did he forget about Tommy, the guy who died in the first episode? Besides, no matter how confident Neeko is, he doesn't accompany Daniel on his trip into the woods to warn Johnny and Irene.
At the beginning of the episode, Johnny was picking flowers in the woods, but he didn't want to admit to Carolina that he liked her. This backfires on him when Carolina frames him for burning down the food shed. So everyone hates Johnny again, because we're not allowed to have character development so early in the season.
And at the end of the episode, Sabina finds the remains of a tiger. It's been mutilated by something large and mysterious. There's only so long that an audience will put up with "There's something weird in the woods!" before you need to provide some details.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on Siberia: a lot of setup. Perhaps we could move past the setup phase and start having things happen to characters who are sticking around for the whole season? I mean, it's fun to have people die or quit right away, but eventually things have to matter for our protagonists.
Johnny tells us that he's out in the woods picking flowers to give to Carolina because he likes her. Then we see her surprise him, and he refuses to admit what he's doing. So he doesn't want to say "I was picking flowers to give to you," which makes me wonder how he was going to give her the flowers once he'd picked them. He tries to distract her by asking what she could have if she could have anything. She would have a delicious meal. They talk aboubt how great food is (picture the discussions about two-thirds of the way through a Survivor season), and then they stumble on a lake. They're really excited by this, even though there's already a river nearby. Johnny strips to his boxers and cannonballs in. Carolina keeps her shirt on and also jumps in. We get the standard spiel about how great it feels to wash yourself. Johnny surfaces right to Carolina and they're about a foot from kissing when Natalie and Annie shout at them from the shore.
Now everybody has come to the lake, and everyone's really happy about it. Natalie goes with pixelated toplessness and soon everybody's goofing around. Neeko complains that they're supposed to be looking for food and everyone thinks he's a killjoy. Esther goes full nude. Miljan has comedy underwear that is suspiciously clean if everyone's been here for three days without any bathing. Carolina is snooty about Esther skinny-dipping and says she will not be getting naked "on this show." This show allegedly lasts three months of her life, so I think she'll probably want to change her mind about that eventually.
Not everyone is in the water. Daniel and Irene stay on the shore, and Sabina is in the bushes glowering at everyone. She tells us that it's a weird place to have fun. What, you can't have fun in Siberia? Then she sees a footprint that might be a bear.
That night, at the campfire, Miljan wants to play Truth or Dare. Natalie picks "Truth" and he asks her favorite sexual position. Now she's shocked that this got personal, which is the whole point of Truth or Dare. Finally, she says, "I try them all." She picks Irene , who doesn't want to play. But she's peer-pressured into it. She picks Dare, which is not what you choose if you really don't want to play. Natalie tells her to get up and dance for everybody. Miljan plays drums on a plastic bowl, and Irene shuffles back and forth. Daniel is staring openly, and Miljan doesn't think he'll get any. You know, one thing Big Brother has taught us is that if you want your reality-show denizens to really act up for the cameras, you should provide some free booze.
And then! Sam runs up from the woods, shouting about a fire. Everyone runs toward it, and it's the food shed, which is engulfed in flames. Well.
Everyone stands around the shed, but they don't have any firefighting supplies. Sam runs off to get some water, but there's not going to be enough to put out the shed. Johnny's angry that the food's all gone, and Miljan accuses Johnny of being there when they all arrived. I'm pretty sure the first person there was actually Sam, who was the only one with the key to the food. The shed continues to burn. Johnny sneers, "Glad we locked it all in there!" The shed fire is actually quite pretty. There are some great shots of the black night sky with all the little orange ashes floating away. Nobody seems to be all that worried about the rest of the forest catching on fire. Eventually, the skeleton of the shed collapses.
The morning, Daniel studies the wreckage. He thinks the rice could maybe still be eaten. Neeko says there were twenty-eight large jars, but Daniel says there are only seven or eight in the wreckage. There should be much more glass. And there's a kerosene lantern in the ashes, so he concludes that someone purposely started the fire. Duh. Of course someone stole a bunch of food and set the place on fire. I feel like Sam's the obvious choice, since he had the key and was also the one who first saw the fire.
Now everybody's grumping around. Sam is poking at a tree, and the branch swings around and hits him in a comical fashion. Johnny makes a point of asking Sam if he's hungry. Sam tells Johnny he's rationing the water now so Johnny's not allowed to touch it unless Sam says it's okay. Natalie is also getting annoyed by Sam. Johnny tells Neeko, "Hey mayor. Get your second-in-command under control." Sam and Neeko mutter to each other. Johnny won't shut up about how he was right about the shed. Neeko says the food was taken away by the producers, who just want to create drama. Sam tells Neeko he only cares about the two of them, not everyone else.
Neeko gathers everyone together and tells them that they need to go get more food. Johnny suggests they buy a new lock so they can ration the new food as well. Johnny insists that Neeko admit that putting the food in the shed was a bad call. Neeko says he didn't make the decision, and everyone gangs up on this obvious nonsense. People start turning from Neeko and paying attention to Johnny, so he tells everyone to go get berries and mushrooms. And there are these bear traps hanging on the cabins that could probably be used for actual trapping purposes! Neeko mopes away.
Various people tell us that they are hungry, which affects their moods. This show likes to have a bunch of people voiceover slight variations on the same thing, which is boring to recap.
Neeko is out collecting wood for the fire. I think they should consider collecting a lot of wood all at one time, since they'll eventually want to prepare for winter. And on one branch on the ground, he sees a black wire. It leads up a tree to a speaker on a branch. If I were him, I'd try to find where the other end of the wire went.
Daniel also tells us that hunger is making him angry. This should have been in the round-robin of voiceovers earlier. Sabina says she's fine. I mean, she's still hungry, but she's not undergoing the extreme emotional swings everyone else is having. Although I should point out that these emotional swings somehow result in everyone acting exactly the same way they did in the first two episodes. It's not like Sam used to be friendly, and now he's suddenly irritable. Johnny is testing the trap, which I think is a good idea. Sam comes into a cabin and asks Irene if he can borrow her pantyhose. She's thrown by this. He explains (to us) that he was going to use them as a net for fishing in the river. Sure, I guess. Worth a try, right?
Out at the fire, people are making pine needle tea. Is that a thing? Then the revealer hoots up! It has a bow and some arrows! Well, that should be useful. Of course, the rifle would have been useful, too, but nobody will admit to having found it. Johnny says he's got a little experience with a bow, although he's no expert. He aims at a nearby tree (with his wounded left hand) and takes a shot. He completely misses the tree. Sam looks unsure, and he also misses. There is hooting and mockery. He says he's a lefty, and the bow is clearly set up for right-handed use. I think that's a perfectly valid excuse, but Natalie says, "I thought you could do anything!" I don't think he ever said that. As the mockery continues, Irene picks up the bow. She has a distinctive style, in which she holds the bow over her head before pulling the bowstring back. And she hits the tree! Everyone is delighted! She tells us that her father convinced her to take classes. She demonstrates again. Everyone is delighted again. Johnny says he's more experienced as a hunter, so the two of them should go out and look for a deer. She says she loves animals and has never killed anything. Neeko tells her she's the only one who can use the bow, so she's kind of obligated to. Before they leave, Sabina stops Johnny and gives him her pocketknife. Helpful!
Down at the river, Sam drags the pantyhose through the water and doesn't catch anything. I thought he was going to stretch them across some branches or something, but instead, he's just swiping them through. The only way that's going to work is if there's a fish that coincidentally swims past his knees at the right time. Natalie and Annie show up at the shore so Natalie can sneer at him. Her new character trait is "Person who's mean to people." Great! Anyway, Sam is angry at the river now, which I believe is a common with unsuccessful fishermen.
Out on the hunting trail, Johnny finds some deer scat and explains to Irene how you can tell that it's fresh and which way the deer was going. See, he was serious about using his hunting skills. I guess she's going to give archery tips later. Luckily, I also recap Arrow so I can report that all you need to do in order to become a master archer is get a bowl of water and slap it a lot. Well, that's the "Arrow" method, anyway. He leads her along, pointing out broken branches and stuff. Then he stops her and points out a deer. Oh, it's two deer! Exciting! He hands her an arrow and she shoots it in the neck. The deer run away and they give chase. I like that it didn't die right away.
In other news, Natalie and Annie have an alliance now. Please make a note of it.
In the river, Sam finds a bracelet on a rock. That's not a fish, but at least it's sort of interesting, so he picks it up. Then there's a noise!
Neeko and Daniel are at the fire. And then! Natalie and Annie run up shouting that everyone needs to get inside! Why? Well, they shout, "We saw a tiger!" Good heavens! Everybody runs into a cabin, although Sabina takes some time to throw more wood on the fire.
Once they're in the cabin, it's time for some mindless yammering. Miljan tells everybody that there's nothing scary about a tiger because it's basically just a big cat. They try to explain about how it's an 800-pound killing machine with razor-sharp teeth, but he will have none of it. Natalie thinks he's stupid, and I think I agree. There's a knock at the door, but it's Sam, not the tiger. We don't learn anything about the noise that Sam heard.
Out in the woods, Johnny and Irene catch up with the dead deer. It has an arrow sticking out of its neck, which means it was a pretty good shot. Irene isn't that pleased, though. Johnny says it's a young deer, which doesn't help her mood. He takes out the knife and commences to gutting.
In the tent, they realize that tigers can smell blood. Are they like sharks? I guess they might be. But Johnny's out there cutting the deer's head off, and I'd imagine anyone could smell that. He says he's like to hang the carcass up so it can bleed out. Irene can't even look at this.
In the cabin, Daniel is outraged that they're just leaving Johnny and Irene out there. I should point out that they don't know where they are, since Johnny and Irene had to do a bunch of deer-tracking, so there's a limit to how much they're going to be able to do. But Daniel wants to go warn them. Natalie says, "He must have real feelings for Irene." It's also possible that he's worried about Johnny, but that doesn't match up with the storyline. Sam tells Daniel to sit down, but he won't. He goes outside and walks into the woods. And that's when he gets nervous, apparently. There are noises in the forest around him.
Johnny tells Irene, "You know, for two people, it's gonna feed us for a long time." He does not want to share the deer with everyone. But Irene wants to share it because she can't eat that much. Johnny tells her about salting and curing meat. Do they have a lot of salt that we haven't seen? She has some idea of winning "fair and square" and "not robbing people," and Johnny thinks that's loopy. And then! There's a noise!
It's just Daniel, who has done a great job of finding them. He tells them about the tiger, but Johnny wants to finish gutting the deer. Daniel freaks out about how much danger they're in, but Johnny says five more minutes will make the deer thirty pounds lighter. Irene is impressed by Daniel's bravery in coming to get them.
In the cabin, Sam learns that there are only about 300 Siberian tigers in the wild. I believe there are actually fewer than that. Either way, Sam is correct that it would be quite a coincidence to actually run into one.
Johnny is carrying the carcass back to the camp. And then! There is not a noise! It's quiet. Too quiet. Johnny says, "There's a predator around here." Yeah, Irene. Irene's a predator. She killed that deer. Johnny decides they should keep moving. Yes, they should. They probably shouldn't have stopped, in fact.
In the cabin, Sabina has tips for avoiding tigers. They're mostly just, "Use fire." Carolina thinks maybe Natalie and Annie are just trying to scare them by making things up, and Natalie shouts at her. Neeko thinks it's ridiculous that there could be a tiger running loose in the forest. Isn't that where tigers live? He says, "If there was a tiger out there surely it would be on a chain. There would be like a handler." He's certain that everything around them is controlled. He insists, "They're not gonna put us in an element where we're in danger." For some reason, nobody mentions Tommy, the guy who got killed in a mysterious way in the first episode. It's weird because you'd think that would be the first thing that would occur to them. Natalie says that of course they'd notice a leash on the tiger, but I think there's at least a chance they wouldn't stick around to survey the entire scene. Neeko tells them about the speaker he found in the tree, which he regards as proof of producer interference: "Anything that's creepy that's happening, it's all being put on us." It's all a game, he says.
Sabina sees Johnny with the deer. Carolina runs out and hugs Irene. So does Neeko. Everyone's really impressed. Sam shakes Johnny's hand. Miljan and Neeko start to drag the deer to the fire, and Johnny doesn't say anything, so I guess the deer is community property. Sam helps get it up over the fire. Annie thinks they should continue to hide from the tiger, but everyone else seems to have forgotten about it.
The sun goes down and people eat delicious deer meat. It's messy and they are all very happy about it. Yum! Neeko tells us that Annie and Natalie seem legitimately scared of the tiger, but he still doesn't believe they actually saw one. Natalie notices Sam's bracelet, which I think is awfully unlikely, since she'd have to have already noticed that he didn't have a bracelet before. Sam, who speaks a little Russian, says that it says, "To my Anna, 1908." Guess what year the Tunguska Event took place! Yes, it was in 1908. But for Anna to have been in it, that means the bracelet would have been made very soon before it. Anyway, he's keeping it as a good luck charm. Irene credits teamwork for the deer.
And then there's a noise. This episode has a lot of noises just off-screen. We never even learned what that noise was that Sam heard while he was fishing. This time, the primary response is sarcasm: "Oh yeah. Maybe it's a big ass tiger." There's some growling out there. Annie and Natalie run in the cabin. They think it's crazy that everyone's out at the fire happily eating deer meat. Neeko reiterates to us that it's all about the show scaring them. "It makes great TV," he says, inaccurately. (Zing! Take that, Siberia!)
There's a lovely time-lapse sunrise.
Carolina takes Neeko out into the woods to show him something. It's the area where Johnny was being suspicious, although we know that he was just picking flowers. Now there appear to be hidden jars of food. Gasp!
I thought that was the end of the episode, but it's not. Johnny and Esther are at the fire when Carolina and Neeko come back. Neeko is carrying some food in Johnny's shirt. Everyone shouts at him and accuses him of burning the shed. But he's too embarrassed about the flowers to admit that's what he was doing, so he doesn't have an alibi. Not that "I was picking wildflowers!" is necessarily the most convincing story in the world. Sam tells us he doesn't like to be fooled. Johnny walks off to the forest. Everyone tells each other how much they hate Johnny.
Carolina feels bad, and Natalie soothes her. See, there was a chance that they were going to change things on the show and make Johnny a more sympathetic character. But they decided not to, so he's going to stay an outcast.
Neeko puts the food in a crate. He says he's hiding it, but it's the only crate about the right size in the cabin where half the camp is sleeping, so I bet people will be able to find it. Incidentally, based on the number of jars that Daniel said were missing, this is nowhere near enough food to have been stolen.
Johnny is off in the woods by himself. Neeko is happy about that. Johnny finds his flowers and flings them away angrily. No flowers for you, Carolina!
Security footage (you can tell because it's slightly fisheyed) shows Carolina stealing the food and tossing the lantern into the shed because she was the one who led Neeko to the stash. I still think Sam was involved somehow. And I wonder how this security footage survived without somebody noticing. The whole camp was standing around watching as the shed burned to the ground.
Sabina is staring at the lake when Neeko comes up. She's looking at the mangled corpse of a tiger, wondering what could do that. So now they have tiger meat! That's good news, right?
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.