You learn something new every day!

S04E04

Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte are at their breakfast restaurant, waiting for Samantha, and Charlotte is complaining about Trey not asking her to move in with him, and that she feels like a hooker after having sex with him and then going home. Carrie asks her why she hasn’t asked Trey about moving in, and she says she's afraid that it will scare his penis or something, and then she whines about wanting the sex and the relationship. Miranda just wants to eat, and wonders where “the lesbian du jour” is. Carrie tells them that when Samantha comes in, they need to talk about her relationship because she was upset that they didn’t take it seriously before. Charlotte thinks Samantha isn’t really having a relationship and is doing this just to bug them, and Carrie tells her that it may be a real relationship and that Samantha and Sonia haven’t had sex yet. Miranda asks if anyone wants to split the chocolate pudding. Okay, Miranda has a big appetite! We get it! Samantha arrives, and Charlotte asks how her relationship is. Samantha tells her that when the vagina gets engorged, it grows to the size of a fist, and “it's like a fabulous cave!” She goes on that there are some places a dick can’t go, and that Sonia has “ten dicks” while waving her fingers around. Charlotte looks scared. Carrie doesn’t think that a finger is the same as a dick. Miranda agrees, and thinks that it is about a third of a dick, and tells Samantha, “So technically, Maria has three and a third dicks.” It’s good to see that the writers didn’t have Miranda shoving food into her face so she could say the witty things she usually says. Samantha tells them that she is getting an education on the “boceta,” and Carrie is all, “Boceta, schmagina, let’s call the whole thing off.” Yes, please! So far I’m not convinced that Samantha has changed teams at all; I think she's doing this because it's something new, and she'll get bored in a short while. Samantha tells them she has learned about how to connect during sex and that “it is not an animal act -- it is about two people, making love.” Charlotte happily agrees, and Carrie agrees and looks sad.

Carrie goes over to MM’s apartment, and he doesn’t have a shirt on. He tells Carrie he couldn’t figure out what color shirt to put on, and then runs over to the kitchen to make margaritas. Carrie, wearing a big red pom-pom/scrunchie thing in her hair, shows him the first jazz CD she bought, and he takes it and tells her she has to listen to jazz on vinyl. Because, you know, you wouldn’t want a clean, sharp copy of random noises to listen to. MM runs over to his wall of records, and you can see his back. He has an odd patch of hair in between his shoulder blades, like the hair follicles from his head reach down to his back, and he shaves the back of his neck but doesn’t bother to do anything with the hair that usually is hidden by a shirt. I really wish the hair and make-up people bothered to do something with it, because it's creepy! Carrie wants him to stop and talk to her, and asks him about living at the Jersey Shore because he mentioned it earlier. He tells her he lived there for a few summers, then mentions playing skee-ball with his friends in upstate New York and wonders out loud if he should sell a club and open a skee-ball place in the city, and then he starts talking about canned corn and how he had a pot pie in Vegas that was loaded with corn. As he is going on about corn and Vegas, Carrie tells us that she realized that “he wasn’t spontaneous and unpredictable and thrilling, he was a guy with ADD.” I think he has a lot more than ADD if he can’t even keep a thought going for more than ten seconds. She then tells us she decided that she needed to end the relationship. Eventually. But right then, she asks him to play her like a bass again. I’m surprised he can keep his mind on sex long enough to have it. You know, he totally wasn’t like this in last week’s episode. Last week, he was cool and laid-back and witty, and now he's a mental patient. I can see why the writers have a hard time remembering things from last season, since they can’t even remember things from last week.