Big and Carrie go to a fancy restaurant together, and she tells us that she and Big have become friends, and “it had never been better.” They are at a bar drinking and smoking and talking about how people don’t dress up anymore. Carrie is dressed up like she's trying to look like Jennifer Lopez (I refuse to call her J. Lo). in her Chanel “check out my nipples” dress she wore at the Oscars. Except that Carrie’s incarnation thankfully covers up her breasts.
Meanwhile, Charlotte and Trey are at a party together and Trey is all horny and tells her she “has a damn fine ass.” Charlotte suggests that they get their coats and go back to her place, and they end up getting it on in the bedroom where all the coats are.
Big takes Carrie home and tries to score, but Carrie is having none of it. Big tells her he is always available, and as Carrie is walking up her steps to her door, you see that her hoop skirt flies out about five feet in diameter, almost exposing her ass as it sways back and forth as she moves, and she is also sporting a beat-up old sweater that really makes the whole ensemble look like shit. Maybe Big brought up the “no one dresses up anymore” subject as a polite way to tell Carrie to wear a decent jacket when he takes her out.
The girls are having breakfast. They all look very nice, except for Carrie, who is wearing overalls and a wifebeater shirt, with a strange glass and metal octopus/bug-looking pin. Charlotte asks them if they ever got it on in a restaurant bathroom. Carrie and Miranda name off restaurants, and Samantha tells them about a flight she was on. Miranda tells Samantha the question was about a restaurant bathroom, not an airplane bathroom, and Samantha responds with “there were warm nuts involved!” That would be funny if most restaurants served warm nuts, but instead it came across as yet another lame attempt by the writers to have Samantha talk about another kinky situation. Charlotte then asks if they ever got it on in a coatroom. Carrie and Samantha have, but Miranda hasn’t, so she asks for the pancake syrup. Carrie asks Charlotte if she's been getting some lately, and Charlotte tells the girls about her and Trey. Miranda thought Trey couldn’t get it up, but Charlotte tells them he is able to and has been getting it up for a while. Carrie thinks that's good news, but Charlotte is all confused because she doesn’t know what her status is with Trey now. She wonders if they are dating or back together, or if Trey is “my ex-husband, whom I have sex with occasionally in coatrooms.” Okay, last week they were only separated. Did they get divorced during the week and no one told us? Is it so hard to keep up continuity? Charlotte tells the girls she wants to know where she and Trey are going, and Carrie is all, “Yes, we’d like to know as well, since evidently you’ll be having sex there.” Ha! That totally should have been a Miranda line, but the writers made her too busy to talk because she was shoving pancakes into her mouth the whole time Charlotte was talking. Charlotte then asks Carrie what she did over the weekend, and she tells them she went out with Big. The girls are shocked, and Miranda even stops eating for a few seconds. Carrie assures the girls that they are just friends and she isn’t sleeping with Big. Miranda is very upset and tells her that she'd better watch out. Samantha also warns her, and Carrie gets a little defensive. Charlotte asks her if she is thinking about having sex with Big, and Carrie tells them she isn’t, but Miranda doesn’t think she answered fast enough. It's good to see the girls so protective of Carrie.
Carrie mopes around her apartment, downing a bottle of Pellegrino and thinking about relationships. She asks her laptop, “What really defines a relationship?”
Carrie tells us that Miranda let her boundaries down with a cartoonist for the New Yorker, as we see Miranda and cartoon-man rolling around on her bed with their clothes half off. Cartoon-man is one of those guys who is probably in his mid-thirties but looks like he is in his mid-forties -- chunky, balding blond hair so it looks like he has even less hair than he really has. ["For the record, it's Jim Gaffigan, 'star' of a number of gloriously failed sitcoms." -- Sars] Cynthia Nixon must have pissed off some bigwig at HBO or something. First they make her cram food into her mouth all the time, and then they hook her up with a really unsexy man. Carrie then tells us that Miranda and Cartoon-man have been seeing each other for a month. The morning, Carrie tells us, was a morning of firsts for Miranda, since it was the first morning Cartoon-man spent with her, and the first time someone peed in front of her, as we see Cartoon-man walk in on Miranda brushing her teeth and lift up the toilet seat to relieve himself. Miranda looks disgusted. I cannot believe that a woman in her mid-thirties who lives in New York City has never shared a bathroom with someone. She lived with Steve last year, and he definitely looks like someone who keeps the bathroom door open.
Carrie then tells us that the gang went to an opening for a Brazilian artist. Miranda complains to them about how it isn’t okay for anyone to use the bathroom while someone else is in there, and that you should close the door when you do your business. Carrie thinks it is funny that “Miss Boundaries has found Mr. No-Boundaries.” Come on, if you are familiar enough with someone to let him put his penis in your body, unless that person has an exploding ass, who gives a shit (pun intended) if he takes a piss in front of you? Sonia Braga walks over and introduces herself to Samantha. There is some small talk about how great her work is, and Samantha agrees to go to her loft to see more of her artwork to purchase. Samantha then asks where all the hot guys are, just as Sonia’s ex-girlfriend walks over and gives Sonia a kiss. This doesn’t faze Samantha in the least.
Carrie tells us that “her ex introduced her to a tiny jazz club in the East Village.” A number of people on the forums say that there are no tiny jazz clubs in the East Village. I tend to believe the forum members rather than the writers. Pardon me while I go slip into my hip-waders, because this episode is getting close to knee-deep with all the bullshit we are expected to accept. While the two are sitting at a table right in front of the stage listening to the band, Big asks, “Aren’t these cats amazing?” Okay, why don’t I ever see Big using the term “cat” used to describe humans, unless it's two women about to fight over him? Carrie thinks they are amazing, because the bass player, a.k.a. The Music Man, is flirting with her. The band finishes their song, and as Big goes to the bar to get them another drink, Music Man drops a note on their table. It says, “Is that your boyfriend?” Carrie tells us that everyone in the world seems to want her to define her relationship with Big.
Now Big and Carrie are at the bar drinking. I guess since the band finished playing, Carrie found no reason to stay at the table. Big is patting himself on the back for being all jazz-knowledgeable and finding this place, and Carrie is letting him keep patting himself (pun intended). Music Man walks by, and Big stops him to tell him what a good job he did. Music Man tells him the only reason the band lets him play with them is because he owns the club. He introduces himself to Carrie, and she starts to act like a fourteen-year-old flirting with a high school senior. Big starts to get jealous, and then Carrie tells them that she needs to go home. Big suggests he call for his limo, and Music Man suggests he get a cab with Carrie since he needs to go too and they are going the same direction. Big decides to join them.
The three of them are sitting in the back of the cab, and Carrie is wearing a blue beret with a pin on it. Ah, I get it. Beatniks wear berets. Beatniks like jazz. Carrie thinks she can go with a beatnik look when going to a jazz club. Carrie is wrong. See Carrie look bad. Bad, Carrie, bad. The Music Man is wearing the silly leather porkpie hat that he had on when he was in the club, which makes his head look weird. Music Man makes a jazz joke, and Carrie giggles. Big pouts and says, “Cabs are bullshit.” Uh, okay, Big. I don’t see a gun pointing at your head and making you stay in the cab. I guess he saw Carrie acting like a fourteen-year-old and decided to run with it. Music Man asks Carrie for her number, and Big gives her a pen to write her number with. The cab stops, and Carrie gets out, and as the car drives away she sees that Big got out of the car too. Carrie yells at him because she thinks that Music Man will think they are together. Big thinks she is attracted to Music Man because of the hat he was wearing. Well, Carrie does like unflattering fashion accessories… Then Big starts making fun of Music Man’s bad breath. Carrie gets annoyed and asks Big what kind of friends they are. He tells her that they are friends that go out and do things together, and sometimes wiggle their eyebrows at each other. Carrie tells him that there will be no wiggling eyebrows at each other, and she tells him she's going to bed. Big is all, “You like Jazz Man! Jazz Man!” Carrie pretends to ignore him and goes inside.
Carrie then tells us that she couldn’t get to sleep because she kept thinking about what happened in the taxi. As she is getting out of the shower and putting a towel around herself, the phone rings, and it's Music Man playing jazz music on his stereo into the phone. He tells her that the song makes him think of her, and then her call-waiting goes off. She answers her other call, and lo and behold -- it's Big! Who could have seen that coming? Everyone? Yeah, I thought so. She tells Big she has to go and he asks if she has another call. She tells him she does and he says, “Porkpie? Tell him he needs mints!” Haw! That was a good zinger! Carrie is not amused and hangs up on him. Music Man asks her out Saturday night, and tells her, “Don’t bring the angry guy.” Touché! As soon as Carrie hangs up with Music Man, the phone rings; it's Big again. He asks Carrie what she sees in that guy, and she tells him, “He knows when to say goodbye.” And she hangs up again. In that last part of the scene, you can see Big turn a light shade of green.
As Miranda is getting out of bed, Carrie tells us that Miranda had decided that she wanted to let down some boundaries. She decides to go to the bathroom with the door open. Wow! Miranda is living on the edge! Cartoon-man walks in, and Miranda gets all embarrassed. He asks her if she has any bagels, and she tells him where to find them. He takes some toilet paper and blows his nose and walks out. Miranda gets all flustered and closes the door. I wonder if she would be so bent out of shape if one of the girls walked into the room while she was going to the bathroom. Is it just a boy thing?
Samantha is at Sonia Braga’s loft doing silk screening with her, as Sonia explains that as a Brazilian tradition, everyone that walks through her door has to help out, and Sam could either help with the art or help with the laundry. Samantha and Sonia have really become quite friendly and are having fun. When they are finished, Samantha tells her she will buy some artwork and Sonia will buy her manicure as she shows Sonia her messed-up nails. Sonia holds Samantha’s hand and starts to caress it. Samantha tells her that she has done the girl thing while on Quaaludes while with another guy, and that she isn’t a relationship person. She asks if they can be friends, and Sonia tells her they can if Samantha buys a lot of her art. They share a good laugh. Man, Sonia is some sort of whore here -- she is constantly trying to get Samantha to either give her money or get it on with her.
The girls are clothes shopping, and Carrie finds a hickey on Charlotte’s neck. She tells them that she and Trey made out at the movies, and she gave him a blowjob in the theater. Carrie whispers, “Crouching Charlotte Hidden Hummer,” and then stares down at something interesting on the floor, or something, but she can’t look Charlotte in the eyes when she says that. Charlotte tells them she stopped trying to figure out what kind of relationship she has with Trey and is just enjoying herself. Samantha congratulates her on finally having a healthy relationship, and Charlotte then looks very concerned. Carrie tells us that Charlotte realized that if Samantha says she has a healthy relationship, she must have “one sick relationship on her hands.” She's only figuring that out now?
Trey and Charlotte are in a taxi, going at it, and Charlotte wants to wait and go to his bed and make love. Trey keeps pushing himself on her, and she gets upset and yells at him about waiting for a few more blocks when they can do it in private, and then she asks him if he is afraid to have sex in their bed. Trey gets all embarrassed and asks Charlotte not to talk about it in front of the taxi driver. Charlotte tells him he shouldn’t mind, because he wanted to have sex in front of the driver, and then she gets out of the car. God, Trey is such a tool. I really hope he is out of the picture soon because this story is getting really annoying.
Back at her apartment, Charlotte gets a call from Trey. He asks her if they make love in his bed, can they still have sex in a taxi. Charlotte gets a goofy grin on her face and tells him, “We’ll see.” Trey then tells her he’ll call her tomorrow, and Charlotte is all of a sudden all content with herself. Carrie tells us, “When Charlotte closed the taxi door, she opened a whole new window.” Yeah, a window of opportunity for the writers to torture us with more “will they or won’t they?” storylines that will make us cry, “All righty! Just put me out of my misery!”
Carrie then tells us that Miranda woke up early to go to the bathroom alone and make coffee for Cartoon-man. As she is pouring milk into mugs, we hear Cartoon-man yell out that the coffee smells good. As Miranda tries to explain how she puts cinnamon in with the coffee, we hear what my closed captioning calls, “Pooping sounds. Continuing pooping sounds.” Pooping sounds are funny. So are continuing pooping sounds. Basically, Cartoon-man has an exploding ass and has left the bathroom door open to talk to Miranda and spread out the newspaper. Miranda rushes over and slams the bathroom door closed on him, and Carrie tells us Miranda felt that “an open-door dump was definitely something worth dumping someone over.” Ba-dum-bum!
Carrie and Music Man go to the opening of Tao, a trendy new restaurant with a big Buddha sitting in the back. They walk in and see Big there with a model date. Music Man is still wearing the porkpie hat, and Carrie is wearing the hoopskirt slip of that dress she had on when she went out with Big, but she forgot to put a whole dress on over it, and what fabric is covering the slip has horses on it. Samantha comes over and tells Carrie she got the last table, and Big’s model-friend is all excited and goes over to the table. Samantha and Carrie both give Big a look. At the table, Carrie is overwhelmed to have her date, her ex, her ex’s date, her friend, and her friend’s lesbian friend all sitting together. She downs some wine and asks for more, and Big pours her another glass. Music Man finally takes his hat off, but looks uncomfortable and leaves to sit at the bar. Carrie goes over to sit with Music Man. They decide to hang out the bar for a while and get to know each other some more.
Back at the table, Model-friend decides to use the bathroom, and once she leaves the table, Samantha decides to give Big the what-for. She asks him what he thinks he's doing with Carrie, and even though Carrie might look like she's over him, she is still fragile. Samantha tells him that Carrie is her best friend, and tells him to back off. She then leaves the table, and Sonia follows her. Big just sits there like a smug asshole, and does not look very good. I guess the writers are trying to demonize him by making him look not so sharp. Outside the bathrooms, Samantha tries to cool down, and Sonia tells her she is going to leave. Samantha suggests they get another table, and Sonia tells her that after seeing her give Big the smack-down, she thinks Samantha is “magnificent” and that she “kicks ass,” and she can’t just be friends with her. Sonia goes into one of the bathrooms, and Carrie tells us that Samantha decided to “let down her boundaries and open herself up to a relationship. With a woman.” Samantha goes into the bathroom and finds Sonia and gives her a big wet kiss. Why do I not believe that Samantha would start a relationship with someone, man or woman, just because the person said she was magnificent? Oh, hello, ratings stunt! How long will you be with us? Two, three weeks, tops? Lovely. I'll make up the extra bedroom.
Carrie then goes into another woman’s bathroom and finds Model-friend snorting coke. She tries to leave, but the model asks her to stay and offers her some. She then sits on the toilet and tells Carrie that Big talks about her a lot, and asks if Carrie and Big dated. Carrie leaves as Model-friend pees and wipes her nose. As Carrie leaves the bathroom area she bumps into Big, and he tells her that he and Model-friend are leaving. Carrie has a look on her face like, “Hey, I wanted to blow you off first!”
Carrie and Music Man are walking down the street, he with his ugly hat on again, and she with her zip-up sweatshirt over her big dress. He starts telling her that anything in the city can sound like a jazz riff, and gives the example of a garbage truck and makes some sounds that my closed captioning calls “scattin’.” Carrie giggles like she's trying to be polite. Carrie then tries “scattin’” and fails miserably, but at least she knows she sounds stupid. They get to her apartment building, and he makes some more “scattin’” sounds to describe her, and she is all, “Well. Doo-doo-doo right back at you.” What else do you say when some guy makes incomprehensible noises to describe you? Apparently, this move worked on Carrie, and they start to kiss, and she tells us that every second they were kissing, the more she liked him. I would hope so -- otherwise she should have stopped kissing him, don’t you think? Carrie then theorizes that “what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.” Would that be like compare and contrast? Like, compared to the first two episodes of the season, this one sucked, but at least Music Man isn’t as boring as CIM? While I ponder that, the scene goes black and the credits roll.