Same opening credits. You would think by the fourth season they could think of something more interesting than SJP spinning around and showing off her nipples as a bus splashes dirty water on her.
The girls are getting ready to go out while Carrie tells us, “If you are single, there is one thing you should always take with you when you go out on a Saturday night -- your girlfriends.” Samantha thinks you also need a pocketbook full of condoms. The girls talk about how they really don’t want to go to the engagement party they are walking to, because of the sappy invitation they got that says, “Two souls, one thought.” Of course Charlotte thinks it is romantic, while the rest of the gang thinks that the bride-to-be pushed their friend Danny into having that card. Then Samantha talks about how she has had sex with Danny, Carrie admits to being bored one night and having sex with him, and Miranda also admits to showing him a boob. Carrie is wearing a Salvation-Army-on-crack outfit, complete with cape and white gloves with the fingers cut off. Somewhere at a Salvation Army office, there is an empty coat closet with only a business card on the floor that says, “Patricia Fields, Costume Designer, Sex and the City,” with “IOU one cape and a pair of gloves” scribbled on the back of the card.
The fab four are at the party, and Miranda and Carrie comment on how big the party is. They see Danny and sing in unison, “Congratulations!” Danny introduces his fiancée to Carrie and Miranda, but he calls Miranda "Charlotte" by mistake. The girls get annoyed and walk away. Carrie suggests that Miranda should have showed Danny both her boobs if she wanted him to remember her. Oh, how I missed the witty banter between the girls.
While Samantha is talking to some asshole, Charlotte gives an innocent woman an earful about how she is separated from Trey but not legally and that they are taking a break and talking about what they really want and how much they love each other and that they had problems in the bedroom. Charlotte’s hair looks bad. The woman turns to leave, and another woman comes up. The first woman tells the second woman, “Don’t talk to [Charlotte]” and they both walk away quickly.
Carrie and Miranda are with the fiancée and a group of other women, talking about how she has found the man of her dreams. She asks Carrie and Miranda if they are seeing anyone special, and Carrie tells her she isn’t, and Miranda does a routine about how she only dates “unspecial men,” and if any of the women knew any unspecial men or a houseplant that is free to get in touch with her. Of course all the women, except Carrie, think she is a riot. Since when does Miranda have a sense of humor?
Carrie and Miranda leave the party together, and if Carrie thinks it's most important to bring her friends on a Saturday night, why did she completely blow off Charlotte and Samantha? As Carrie is swinging her big cape around herself, she asks Miranda what the deal was with the comedy routine. Miranda tells Carrie that she didn’t want the group of engaged and married women to feel sorry for her because she is single, so she makes them laugh instead. Miranda notices that married people feel sorry for single people, and Carrie thinks that married people are jealous of single people for being free. Actually, married people couldn't care less about single people at parties, because they know at the end of the night when they go home that getting laid is pretty much a sure thing.
Charlotte goes over to Trey’s apartment in the middle of the night and asks him what they are doing. She doesn’t know whether to stay together or not, so she made notes so she could go over them with him. She brings up the topic of sex, and he brings up the sex they had at the end of last season, which was the only time they ever had sex. She also tells him that he wants her only when he can’t have her. He starts kissing her, and she gets disgusted that he has “a boner,” and she tries to go over her notes while he paws at her and has a premature ejaculation on her leg. He offers her “a hankie” and she tells him, “It’s too late for a hankie. This just isn’t working.” She tells him to stop calling her, and then she leaves. Trey tells her to send him her dry cleaning bill. That Trey, what a charmer.
The day, Carrie tells us, “It was a lovely, uneventful Saturday morning.” Except for the fact that she was ambushed by the Salvation Army woman whose cape and gloves were stolen and made to wear cast-offs from the thrift store, consisting of a canary yellow quilted polyester jacket, argyle knee socks with the toes cut out (I’m sure in retaliation for Carrie cutting the fingers off the gloves), and beige patent leather high heels. She stumbles inside her apartment while opening her mail, and finds an application for a dating service.
Carrie shows the application to the girls while they are at brunch and tells them how the application says it has their soulmates waiting for them. They debate about whether there's really such a thing as soulmates. Of course Charlotte believes in it, and Miranda doesn’t. Carrie thinks that people have more than one soulmate, and Samantha agrees. Samantha thinks that finding your one soulmate is like searching for the Holy Grail. Charlotte thought that Trey was her soulmate, until he jizzed on her leg. Somehow that last comment ends the conversation on soulmates, and Miranda decides to fill out the application for Carrie. She looks to check the right age box, and Charlotte reminds Miranda that week Carrie turns thirty-five. Miranda checks the box that says “thirty-five to forty-four.” Samantha is all, “Honey, welcome to my box.” Why do I not even believe that Samantha is only forty-four?
Carrie types away on her product-placed iBook about soulmates, and finding them, and if you get older does it make it harder to find one, blah blah blah true lovecakes. She types, “Soul mates, reality or torture device?” I guess it depends on what kind of kinky shit you are into.
Carrie and Samantha are walking down the street, and Carrie squeals while tripping on something on the sidewalk. Carrie is wearing a brown coat not buttoned very high, and a wool scarf that is pinned to her lapel so that it doesn’t touch any of the exposed skin. I would say that not all fashion is functional, but what she is wearing is pretty ugly, and I wouldn’t exactly call it fashion. She is also wearing big pom-poms in her hair. I don’t know which is worse -- the hair pom-poms, or the big-ass flowers. Samantha is wearing a really nice white wool coat with purple leather gloves and matching purple handbag. She looks really sharp, and it makes you wonder what the hell the people in the costume department smoke when they decide what to dress SJP in. So anyway, Samantha wants to throw a party for Carrie’s birthday, and Carrie just wants to lie low. Samantha eventually talks her into having a small dinner party at a nice restaurant. Then Samantha asks Carrie if she should invite Mr. Big to the party, since technically they are friends now. Carrie wonders if she should invite him, but then remembers that he is still in London. They walk past a church and see a priest outside. Samantha wets her pants and tells Carrie that his robe is “so Robin and his merry men.” And then calls him “Friar Fuck.” Yeah, that’s classy. Yelling out “FRIAR FUCK!” right outside a church. That’ll get you straight to heaven.
Carrie tells us, “That Sunday, Samantha went to church.” Samantha walks up to the priest and asks if she can be of service. The priest tells her that they could use help in the kitchen. Samantha suggests putting on a benefit instead, but the priest tells him that they are low-key; they collect canned goods to feed to the needy. Samantha tells him she loves his robe, and he tells her that he wears it because he is in the Franciscan order, founded by St. Francis. As if the Franciscan order would be founded by St. Bob. He then tells her he has made a vow of poverty and chastity, and when Samantha hears the word “chastity,” her face drops. He gives her a card about St. Francis, and she gives him her card and tells him to call her if he changes his mind about the benefit. Then she slinks away.
Carrie then tells us, “After church, most people go out for pancakes. Samantha isn’t most people,” as Samantha is masturbating in bed and singing "Hallelujah." I’m just not going to comment on masturbating while thinking of a priest. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.
The girls are out for drinks, and Samantha tells them she masturbated all afternoon. Miranda asks her how long she did it, and Samantha told her it was two to two and a half hours, while thinking of Friar Fuck. Charlotte is all disgusted as Samantha tells them her fantasy of the priest accepting the food she is giving to the hungry and then taking her in the middle of the street. Samantha thinks it's fun and healthy, and then asks who they think about when they fantasize. Miranda and Carrie both say “Russell Crowe!” at the same time, and Carrie gives out a high-pitched squeal and yells, “Jinx! You owe me a Coke!” Damn, Carrie, are you trying to live out your childhood again? Will you be giving cootie shots ? Miranda asks who they thought of before Russell Crowe, and Samantha and Charlotte breathily moan, “George Clooney.” I wonder how Russell and George feel knowing that women masturbate while thinking of them in sexual situations. Miranda then tells the girls that she used to masturbate to a busboy who was rude to her, and then asks them what they think it means. I think it helps us understand why she was attracted to the guy in the sandwich costume that told her to eat him. The girls are silent, and Miranda decides that “the cheese stands alone.” Uh, okay. After some prodding, Charlotte tells the girls that she masturbates to Trey, and that they have perfect sex. She then asks them what it means, and the girls just look sad. I think it means you’ll only have good sex in your dreams, Charlotte!
Carrie is sitting in bed, reading a book and wearing baby-shit green legwarmers with a tag that says “Property of Flashdance Costume Department” hanging off the side. The clock turns midnight, and Carrie picks up the phone and calls Big. She gets his machine and babbles about turning thirty-five and tells him she's having a party at Il Cantinore and he is invited.
Miranda is walking down the street, and she bumps into an old friend. She asks Miranda if she is seeing anyone, and Miranda decides not to do the comedy routine and just tells her she isn’t seeing anyone. Miranda then asks her how her husband is, and her friend goes into her own comedy routine about not having kids, and Carrie tells us that Miranda realized that everyone has a routine when it comes to a sore spot for them, and that she laughed with her friend, not because she was funny, but because she was being kind. Aw, what a good friend Miranda is.
Samantha turns up at the church and kneels down to Friar Fuck at a pew. She tells him she was thinking about him and his work, and she gives him three cans of Le Seure peas. She tells him Le Seure peas are the best, and he thanks her. She then tells him that she thinks of him other places besides the market, and then asks him if he thinks of her. He tells her that his life is about other joys than the body, and then takes the peas and leaves, totally dissing Samantha. I’m so glad the story went this way. I would have been so annoyed if the priest debated whether to fuck Samantha or not, because that would have been so cheesy. Carrie tells us that Samantha wondered if the priest was her soulmate since he was impossible to attain.
Carrie arrives at the restaurant for her party, and she is the first to arrive even though she gets there fifteen minutes after the reservation time. She is wearing a red dress and matching top with her stomach exposed, and some black headband/hat/fabric thing on her head. The waiter asks if she would like a drink, and she orders a Shirley Temple and tells him that she and everyone else will be drinking lots of champagne in a bit. Twenty minutes later she is still sitting at the table alone, and the waiter asks if she would like champagne. Someone brings out a cake and starts singing the birthday song, and Carrie thinks it is for her, but again she is dissed when she sees it's for a woman at the table to her. The hostess comes over and tells her that the woman with Carrie's birthday cake is there and needs to get paid. Carrie tells us that after she paid $70 for her own birthday cake, she decided to go home and kill herself, and she's walking down the street with a little cake box. $70 for a little cake? Damn, that thing better have had 14-carat gold frosting on it for that price! She walks onto the street where it is being paved, and construction workers start yelling at her to get off the road. She doesn’t know which way to go, and ends up dropping the cake onto the road as the workers yell and make fun of her. She gets home and finds fourteen messages from Samantha and Charlotte and Miranda and Stanford, telling her that there's traffic and they can’t get the number of the restaurant to contact her there and why doesn't she get a cell phone already and so on. Carrie goes to take a shower, and Charlotte uses her set of keys to go into Carrie’s apartment and scare the ever living shit out of Carrie while she is in the shower. Over Carrie's protests, Charlotte tells her she's taking her to the coffee shop with the three of them.
At the coffee shop Carrie tells them that the longer she sat at the restaurant, the more she felt alone, and she felt really sad not having a man in her life who cares about her. Charlotte suggests that they can be each other’s soulmates, and guys can be people to just have fun with. Carrie laments being thirty-five, and Samantha is all, “Oh, shut the fuck up. I’m a hundred and forty.” The truth comes out! She finally tells us how old she is! She definitely looks her age.
Miranda walks into her empty apartment, looks sad, then hears her cat meow and goes to see her kitty. Miranda has no right to be sad. This time last year, she had someone living with her and it drove her nuts. She can’t be happy. At least her hair looks better than it did last year.
Carrie is walking home, wearing yet another cape. This time it's camel-colored. She stops when she sees a black stretch limo parked in front of her apartment building, and knocks on the window. A bunch of red balloons pop out, and Big says, “Happy birthday, baby. Get in.” Carrie gets in the car with him, and he opens a bottle of champagne. He asks how old she is, and she asks how old he is. He won’t tell, but she starts with “thirty to thirty-five, thirty-five to forty, forty to forty-five…” and he sort of makes a face, meaning that we are now to know that Mr. Big is somewhere between forty and forty-five years old. What a shock! Except for the part about it being shocking. She asks him what he feels about soulmates. He tells her he likes the words “soul” and “mate.” He asks if she had a good day, and she tells him she had a fabulous day. They sort of looked like they didn’t really know what to say to each other, but Big looked like he wanted to shove his tongue down Carrie’s throat.
Big’s limo drives away, and Carrie tells us, “I realized having three soulmates already nailed down made it a lot easier to spot those great, nice guys to have fun with.” As she goes up the stairs to her apartment building, she lets the red balloons fly away. You’re gonna make it after all!