So now they are at the bar where the firemen are on stage dancing like a bunch of no-rhythm-having fools, and the place is jam-packed with women sweating and squealing. Carrie and some other people are sitting at a table up front judging, and Carrie gives the guy on stage a "6." There is one man judging and he asks Carrie if the guy on stage is hot, and in a voiceover we find out that the man is Bill Kelley, a divorced politician running for comptroller and the token male judge. He keeps staring at Carrie, and she tells him to watch the men. Gee, I wonder where this is going?
Samantha is up by the front of the stage, and she waves Miranda and Charlotte over. Miranda gives Samantha a big glass of something, and tells her that they don't make Cosmopolitans so she got Staten Island Ice Teas. Samantha asks if that's the same as a Long Island Ice Tea, and they all take a sip of their drinks. Miranda swallows, looks up and says, "Hello. I'm drunk." I guess it is more powerful than a Long Island Ice Tea, because I've had some L.I. Ice Teas recently, and they did nothing to me. Or maybe the bartenders in central Virginia need to take a trip up north to learn how to make a drink. So Charlotte is all embarrassed to be so close to the stage and she wants to move back, and Miranda tells her that she won't be able to see the guys from the back of the room. Charlotte doesn't know why Miranda wants to look at the guys since she has Steve, and Miranda informs her that she doesn't "have" Steve, that they are just friends. Samantha looks at Miranda and tells her the two of them are just friends, but she doesn't put her dick in her. Miranda takes another sip of her drink and tells Samantha that after another drink, she may let her. So, Samantha has a dick? Is it a strap-on? Will they show that on HBO? I can see that on Cinemax, but I don't know about HBO . . . So then Rick Fantucci comes on stage to look embarrassed and bounce around and sway his hips side to side, and the announcer says that Ricky is from lower Manhattan. Samantha's loins ignite, and she exclaims that she would love to show him her lower Manhattan, then yells out, "Hello, 911? I'm on fire!" Get that drink away from you, Samantha! You could explode! Honestly, I don't know why she thinks this guy is so hot. He looks like he fell off the fire truck ladder onto his head a few too many times.
The judging seems to be over now, and all the girls are dancing together under a disco ball, and Carrie tells us through a voiceover that being on Staten Island is like being in a quaint European country. The American music is twenty years behind, and you can smoke anywhere. But the important question about Staten Island is, how big is the hair? ["Frankly, I'll take seventies disco over today's club tripe any day of the week, and I wanted to clunk the foursome's heads together for dancing with their noses in their air and their purses on their arms like the Queen of England." -- Owen]