By Kim
And eventually goes home to see Jordan and Jack, who are at least pleased to see him. Jordan reminds Cox that it's his turn to tell Jack a story, which Cox reluctantly does. He starts out, "There was once a nurse (Carla), a surgeon (Turk), a doctor (Elliott), and an idiot (JD, in a hat that he thinks makes him look fly)." Jordan doesn't think hospital stories are appropriate, so Cox starts over: "There was once a two-headed witch (Turk and Carla, melded into one person), a princess (Elliott in full Buttercup mode), and a village idiot (JD, in a jester's outfit, asking if his hat makes him look flyeth)."
So then we go into full-on Princess Bride mode as we see the story that Cox is telling his son. It's all about a village called Sacred Heartia. Shirley, an angry villager, yells at the giant, Janitor, about how filthy the village is, and the giant admits that he's been swabbing people's homes with ox urine. Plus he likes to eat babies.
On the outskirts of town, The Princess (Elliott) had a sick handmaiden, so she sent out a call for help. The Village Idiot (JD) shows up, and Elliott protests that she sent for someone strong and brave. JD protests that he's brave, because he just saved a fish from drowning. Cox goes on and on about how much of an idiot JD is, until Jack protests, so Cox says that JD and Elliott had a sordid past. JD says he just came by so that Elliott can apologize for claiming that he was the one who wanted to kiss her. Elliot is too concerned with her handmaiden, who is being terrorized by a monster. JD peeks in on the handmaiden, who is resting peacefully, so JD pooh poohs the idea of a monster. A giant smoke monster swooshes into the room and roars (shout-out to Lost?) and JD agrees that a monster is the culprit.
Back in the real world, JD tries to help Elliott with her patient with the mysterious illness. In fantasyland, Keith rides up on a horse wearing a Prince Valiant wig and a lot of lipstick. He hopes that if he can solve the mystery of the illness, Elliott will be his again. Elliott tells him it isn't happening and demands the return of the key to her chastity belt. Keith really looks like a chick. Elliott unlocks her chastity belt and says, "That is gonna make so many things so much easier." JD thinks they could have used Keith's help, and the two-headed Turk and Carla witch pops in with a puff of smoke. Cox voiceovers that "the Turla was once two separate witches, but when they married, they merged into one." The Turk half massages the Carla half's breast and says (alternating words), "That's what I'm talking about." Carla tells Elliott to meet them at the potion shop to get something to stop the monster. Then there's some period "humor," which isn't that funny, so let's move on. JD promises that they can take his sweet ride to the potion shop.
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