My Princess Bride

S07E11

And eventually goes home to see Jordan and Jack, who are at least pleased to see him. Jordan reminds Cox that it's his turn to tell Jack a story, which Cox reluctantly does. He starts out, "There was once a nurse (Carla), a surgeon (Turk), a doctor (Elliott), and an idiot (JD, in a hat that he thinks makes him look fly)." Jordan doesn't think hospital stories are appropriate, so Cox starts over: "There was once a two-headed witch (Turk and Carla, melded into one person), a princess (Elliott in full Buttercup mode), and a village idiot (JD, in a jester's outfit, asking if his hat makes him look flyeth)."

So then we go into full-on Princess Bride mode as we see the story that Cox is telling his son. It's all about a village called Sacred Heartia. Shirley, an angry villager, yells at the giant, Janitor, about how filthy the village is, and the giant admits that he's been swabbing people's homes with ox urine. Plus he likes to eat babies.

On the outskirts of town, The Princess (Elliott) had a sick handmaiden, so she sent out a call for help. The Village Idiot (JD) shows up, and Elliott protests that she sent for someone strong and brave. JD protests that he's brave, because he just saved a fish from drowning. Cox goes on and on about how much of an idiot JD is, until Jack protests, so Cox says that JD and Elliott had a sordid past. JD says he just came by so that Elliott can apologize for claiming that he was the one who wanted to kiss her. Elliot is too concerned with her handmaiden, who is being terrorized by a monster. JD peeks in on the handmaiden, who is resting peacefully, so JD pooh poohs the idea of a monster. A giant smoke monster swooshes into the room and roars (shout-out to Lost?) and JD agrees that a monster is the culprit.

Back in the real world, JD tries to help Elliott with her patient with the mysterious illness. In fantasyland, Keith rides up on a horse wearing a Prince Valiant wig and a lot of lipstick. He hopes that if he can solve the mystery of the illness, Elliott will be his again. Elliott tells him it isn't happening and demands the return of the key to her chastity belt. Keith really looks like a chick. Elliott unlocks her chastity belt and says, "That is gonna make so many things so much easier." JD thinks they could have used Keith's help, and the two-headed Turk and Carla witch pops in with a puff of smoke. Cox voiceovers that "the Turla was once two separate witches, but when they married, they merged into one." The Turk half massages the Carla half's breast and says (alternating words), "That's what I'm talking about." Carla tells Elliott to meet them at the potion shop to get something to stop the monster. Then there's some period "humor," which isn't that funny, so let's move on. JD promises that they can take his sweet ride to the potion shop.

By Kim

The sweet ride is a donkey. Elliott asks JD how he gets his hair like that. JD says he uses "one part horse manure, one part river mud, and one part my special ingredient." JD voiceover: "More horse manure!" Then the hunchback (Ted) appears and announces the pending arrival of the Dark Lord. Cox voiceovers that the Dark Lord Oslek (hmm, what does that spell backwards) was in charge of the entire land. Kelso pops up with devil horns and crazy eyebrows. He pronounces that anyone who goes into the Forbidden Forest will disappear. Doug says that he was in the forest earlier and is still around. Kelso makes him disappear.

In the real world, Kelso says that Doug stayed after his shift, so he has to leave. Kelso orders Ted to take one last body to the morgue, and Ted puts out his back attempting to do so -- turning into a hunchback! Clever! Elliott asks Carla and Turk about the tests they ordered for her patient.

Back in fantasyland, Turla, JD, and Elliott have arrived at the Potion Shop. They find The Todd, who is The Fairy Todd Something, flying around in there, and they have to wait until he's finished before they can get their potion. The Todd uses magic to remove the male shop owner's clothes, and then demands a Fairy Five.

Back in the real world, Carla is demanding that the lab process Elliott's test results before The Todd's, and The Todd steps aside. Carla rushes back with the test results. Elliott is disappointed to find out that they are negative, since that means she still doesn't know what's wrong with her patient. She announces: "I've gotta page him."

In Fantasy Land, Elliott sends a messenger pigeon up into the air, and summons what JD calls "the bravest, most handsome knight that any of them had ever seen." The knight removes his helmet, and of course, it's Cox, complete with an Inigo Montoya style mustache. Elliott explains how she can't beat the monster, and Cox says that's not possible. He marches into the cabin where the handmaiden lies, and proclaims to the monster: "My name is Percival Cox. You're killing my friend. Prepare to die." Cox takes a swing at the monster and cuts it in half, but it regenerates. Turla says that he doesn't know what's scarier: the monster or that scary old lady. Just then, Jordan (looking like Carol Kane) pops out of the bushes. In real life, Jordan (with a green facial mask on) pops her head into Jack's bedroom and says that it's bedtime.

By Kim

Cox pops back into Jack's room and asks if he wants to hear the rest of the story. Jack, of course, does. Cox picks up with the Knight (himself) getting his ass kicked. I'm guessing they spent so much on the smoke monster effect, they had to show that scene twice. Cox the Knight gets tossed out of the cottage and says that the monster cannot be slain by any sword. They must go to the Forbidden Forest and find the golden ring. Back in real life, Cox tells JD and Elliott that they have to find the diagnosis instead of treating the symptoms, by going back to their textbooks and case studies. And, Cox adds, JD has to remember what he heard when he wasn't even listening. JD doesn't even know what that means.

Fantasy JD and Elliott ride his donkey to the Forbidden Forest. The Giant Janitor warns them that the Dark Lord is near. In reality, Janitor helps JD and Elliott hide so that Kelso won't yell at them for working overtime.

Fantasy JD and Elliott get discovered by Dark Lord Kelso and he makes them disappear. Giant Janitor asks Hunchback Ted why he works for the Dark Lord, and Ted says that he has a confidence problem. Janitor invites him to "hollow out some villagers and use them as kites." They take off down the path together, holding hands. Aw! It's actually kind of cute.

JD and Elliott are being held in chains in some dank dungeon. Elliott says that she can't believe she's going to die with JD, but then admits that she did try to kiss him. JD says that they both did it, and wonders if the kiss meant anything. Elliott says there's only one way to find out. They lean in for a kiss, but they can't reach each other, due to the chains. Plus they're interrupted by Dark Lord Kelso.

By Kim

In reality, Kelso is telling JD and Elliott that they're both suspended. Elliott reminds him that he can't suspend her, because she's private practice. JD says he's had zero patient interaction, so there's no liability. Kelso realizes that this whole thing can't come back on him, and orders them to get out.

Fantasy JD and Elliott are dumped from the dungeon. JD finds some horse manure to fix his hair, which really does look lovely. He goes to kiss Elliott again, but she's back on track to help her handmaiden. JD remembers Knight Cox telling him to remember what he heard when he wasn't listening. He's distracted by some Intern Wood Nymphs standing on a book.

Reality JD remembers overhearing the interns playing Jeopardy, and one of the responses was Wilson's Disease. He realizes that's what the patient has.

Fantasy JD is given a golden ring by the wood nymphs. He turns his donkey into a horse, and he and Elliott ride back to the cottage in the woods. They rush inside, and JD holds up the golden ring, which causes the smoke monster to disappear.

In a really cool effect, the cottage morphs into a hospital room. JD checks the patient for the telling symptom of Wilson's Disease -- a golden ring around the eye. Cox congratulates them on a great diagnosis and says they need to hope for a liver transplant now.

Back in fantasy land, everyone is happy. Turla are kissing each other. Janitor and Ted are flying kites. The knight leaves to fight another battle. And Elliott and JD decide that they are better off being friends because, as Cox puts it, "they're both idiots." Jack asks about the handmaiden, and Cox says that she lived happily ever after. He kisses his son goodnight and leaves the room to find Jordan sitting outside the door, listening. She wants to know if Elliott's patient got her liver in time and made it. Cox sits down and takes his wife's hand and declares, "Let's just say, that's the way I'm telling it."

And thus Scrubs says goodbye to NBC, but hopefully not goodbye forever. Regardless, I still love this show, although this episode wasn't my favorite. But I still care about the characters and want to know what happens with them. Even stinky old JD and Elliott. Who are idiots.