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By LTG

neaking out to buy some boots. Sam tells her to have fun, and Andrea is totally nonplussed: "Okay, don't take this the wrong way, but parts of this new Sam make me really hate you." Sam cuts her off to ask her whether she realized there was a website where you could send someone a little bear. Andrea runs away from the unironic cuteness as Sam threatens to send her a bear. I almost think that was a Bad Sam sighting.

Eddie Cibrian is lying in bed on his stomach, with the top of the sheet just resting at the curve where his back turns into his butt. I could live in that curve. He's woken up by the sound of Sam opening and closing drawers. She's realized that he has a drawer that's practically unused, what with being full of nothing but socks. And then she invites herself into his drawers. I mean, into his drawer, singular -- she suggests that he give her a drawer. Oh, Sam. She leaves to pick out a coffee mug in the kitchen, and Kevin gets a panicked look in his eye.

Todd's apartment. Sam is stuffing a suitcase full of clothes when Todd sneaks up behind her again and startles her. He asks if she's finally getting her clothes, but this tiny suitcase is only big enough to hold some of them. Todd is surprised to hear that Sam already has a drawer at Kevin's. He thinks he should give her some advice as a friend, since they decided to be friends; Sam interrupts to tell him, "I do think on some level we were just saying that to keep from being hurt." Todd: "I wasn't." Sam, much too quickly: "Neither was I." Anyway, Todd thinks things are moving too fast with Kevin, and he's worried that Sam is going to smother him -- perhaps literally, given her history. Sam rejects this wisdom and staggers off with the overstuffed suitcase, rejecting the further sound advice that she use the wheels on the suitcase.

And now we're at a bar, where Kevin breaks up with Sam. Which is totally obvious to everyone watching the scene, but absolutely not obvious to Sam, who has forgotten everything she ever knew about human interaction. Commercials.

Sam is at her desk, crying and begging Andrea to teach her how to be dead inside. Well, she's come to the expert, I'll give her that. Sam is doing all the things a sixteen-year-old does when she gets dumped -- blaming herself, questioning her own desirability, making a creepy card for the dumper covered with photos of the two of them in happier times. Actually, that sounds like what I do when I get dumped. Except for the card. (Well, okay, but it was just that one time.) Of course, Sam doesn't have any pictures of her and Kevin, so she cut his head off the picture on his business card and glued them onto pictures of her. Andrea is freaked out, and drags Sam away from her desk and out of her office, offering to pick up a bottle of wine and get her drunk. Sam reminds Andrea that she can't drink because she's an alcoholic. Tracy -- sitting at her desk with her feet up, ordering something out of a catalogue -- tells her, "No, babe, you're not." It turns out a judge made Sam go to an A.A. meeting after she got drunk before a flight and caused a commotion on the plane. Sam realizes this must mean that she's afraid to fly, but Tracy tells her that she's only afraid to fly in Coach: "You even forced me to come along to serve you drinks so you'd feel like you were in First Class." Hey, I like that idea. I wonder if my secretary would go for it? But the best news that Sam gets out of all of this is that she's not an alcoholic, so she can go to Andrea's and self-medicate with booze. Just like an alcoholic.