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Tuesday
Apparently, this week, the Supernovices got to hear some of the instrumental tracks that Supernova's been working on. They all love them. Can you even believe it? More to the point, they now have a better sense of what the band is going for. Lukas dons a straitjacket to growl "Bittersweet Symphony," and Jason is still waiting for him to open up his throat. Zayra suits up in navy-blue rubber for "Call Me," and I'll be very surprised if anyone does. Or texts her for that matter. Dana's Dilana impression is coming along nicely, as she covers "About A Girl" by Nirvana. Because you know what this show needs? More Nirvana. Patrice does a Black Crowes cover of "Remedy." It's good as always, but the judges are getting tired of more of the same from her every week, and send her the memo that this ain't Stubb's, sweetheart. Toby's performance of "White Wedding" shows that he'd be the ideal singer for Supernova, as long as they don't ever want him to sing any low notes. Magni sings "Heroes" by the Wallflowers (as opposed to "Heroes" by David Bowie, if you know what I mean), and gets busted for chaining himself to his guitar and microphone stand. I was wondering when someone would get smacked for that. Ryan sings "I Alone" by Live, and gets all kinds of credit for nearly hurting himself. Jill gets this week's Supernova cameo; her vocal performance of "Brown Sugar" becomes secondary to rubbing her miniskirted cooter all over Gilby, who doesn't appreciate it. Phil has the second Wallflowers cover of the evening with "One Headlight," a concept he illustrates by glaring at the audience Cyclops-like in a way that still bugs Jason. Dilana does "Time After Time" accompanied by a single acoustic guitar. What can I say? It's Dilana. It's awesome. Josh croons "No Rain," and makes a rather desperate case for Supernova choosing a soulful voice. And Storm closes out the night by belting out Dramarama's "Anything Anything" and swan-diving off the end of the runway. Fortunately, people catch her. I'll be very disappointed if I learn they're CBS interns. The initial bottom three? Josh, Jill, and Zayra. Nothing new for them.
Wednesday
Jill argues with Gilby, both in his absence and to his face, and Dana's relationship with Dilana threatens to go completely All About Eve. Storm gets the encore, but thinks better of repeating her stage dive after she gets a load of the wee little UCLA sorority chicks in tonight's front row. But on to the bottom three. Jill, Josh, and Zayra learn that they were in the initial bottom three. And then Phil and Patrice round out the bottom five. First in the bottom three? Patrice, who decides to change it up by throwing a Radiohead tune. Don't worry, it's only "My Iron Lung" and not something from Kid A. She steps so far out of her comfort zone that she actually leaves the stage. Zayra takes her second trip to the bottom three, and actually does a different song this time: "Not an Addict" by K's Choice, although her accent makes the lyrics sound like "Please, please, please don't kick me off the show yet, please." Brooke gets her Seacrest on as she announces that the final bottom three member is Phil, who sings a little-known song that is likely to remain little-known. The bottom three stand before Supernova, who send Patrice back to the Nut Gallery. And send Phil home. As one, the Nut Gallery is like, What the fucking fuck? Including Zayra. Who now gets to go at least one more circle around the drain. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Tuesday
Dear God, what the hell is Brooke wearing tonight? It's like the top half of a cocktail waitress outfit from Caesar's Palace thrown on over a gold disco ball. So confusing. Introducing the Supernovices, she busts out a simile: they're "sitting over there like a bunch of people crammed into coach class," even though they now have more room than they did when there were three more of them. She adds that "only one of them will be hitching a ride on a private jet with these guys, Supernova." They really shouldn't write over her head like that. No one's ever going to believe that's something she'd actually say. Cheers from the audience as always, though. Jason got a haircut, and Tommy must have, too, because he's wearing a hat tonight. It's an asymmetrical leather porkpie number that makes him look like the world's oldest Dead End Kid. He's also wearing a vest with no shirt, which always dresses up any ensemble. Brooke also introduces Dave, who fails to hit on her at all. Brooke reminds us that Jason hit the stage last week, and that Gilby will be joining one of the Supernovices this week. She tries to be mysterious about it, even though those of us who caught the webisode already know that he's playing "Brown Sugar" with Jill. Sorry if that ruins the surprise. Brooke sets up this week's mansion flashback by saying that Supernova stopped by a few days ago to hang with the Supernovices.
The clip starts with the band and its twelve lead singers gathering around the dining room table. Gilby interviews that he appreciated the chance to get to know the contestants. Not enough to hire all of them and take Supernova in a Polyphonic Spree-inspired new direction, apparently, but still. Clip of Gilby telling the Supernovices that his daughter also plays guitar. Everyone coos like that's adorable, so I assume the little Clarkelet isn't twenty-three-years-old. Dilana interviews that Gilby is down-to-earth. And then Gilby stands up from the table and invites the Supernovices into the other room to "listen to some tunes." He means Supernova tunes, of course.
In the parlor, Gilby takes up position behind the console of a million-track recorder and starts head-bobbing as some new Supernova music starts pouring out of the speakers. Tommy does that thing where you let your sunglasses fall off your forehead and over your eyes, because he thinks it's cool. None of the Supernova tracks have any lyrics or, indeed, any vocals at all aside from the occasional "hey" or "whoo;" that's what the Supernovices are for, after all. They all sit around the music room, jamming and nodding appreciatively, because the cameras and the judges are watching. Lukas interviews that the music is "way better than I thought. I got excited, right here." He points where he gets excited. Just to clarify, "right here" is somewhere in his chest as opposed to a spot high on the far wall. Dana's interview describes it as "classic rock." When you're twenty-two, isn't stuff from the '90s classic rock? "Is that Candlebox? Turn it up, man!" Toby interviews that the tracks sound great. Storm describes it as "top down, cold beer, rebellious, good times, like the essence of rock & roll." Because even if her chances of winning the lead singer gig are slim, Supernova's going to need a PR flack, as well. Zayra interviews, "It's shit. I'm out." Not really, but I wish she would. Actually, I wish anyone would. It's probably wise of Supernova to wait until everyone has a month of their lives invested in this before busting out the actual tunes. Not that it's bad; some of it's catchy, but it's nothing spectacular. At the end of the listening party, Gilby explains that now the Supernovices know what the band is going for.
Back in the auditorium, Gilby says that he had fun hanging out with the Supernovices, but now, "There's no more excuses. You know what we're talking about." Yeah, Zayra. Jason says that they'll be hearing more Supernova tunes, and the competition will get more serious as they go. Because Jason has to say something at some point. Actually, that's not entirely fair; I understand that he talks plenty at the tapings; he's just so long-winded that his comments rarely make it to the air. But enough of this jibber-jabber. Tommy announces, "Let's crank this up, bitch."
The first bitch of the evening is Lukas, doing "Bittersweet Symphony" by the Verve. He's wearing a straitjacket like it's a Members Only, as well as a guitar that he's not playing. I always find that so distracting. He's still growling and snarling like always, even though the vocal coach on the webisode a couple of weeks ago told him that he needs to quit doing that. I don't know why he stays behind the microphone stand the whole time; he could slide the guitar up his back and walk around cordless for the first verse and chorus if he really wanted to. Unless, of course, he's worried about the guitar's head dragging on the stage. Anyway, after the chorus, Lukas sings the opening line all alone, isolated in one spotlight on an otherwise darkened stage, and then the band blows up for the coda, full lights and all, as Lukas finally starts strumming. Not that you can hear his guitar at all. That's the only problem with having such a tight House Band; it's hard to gauge the value of the Supernovices' contribution to the overall sound whenever they join in on guitar. Lukas sings the line about the only road he's ever been down a couple of times, and then he's done. Toby, Storm, and Magni are the only Supernovices to get to their feet for the ovation, and I don't think Storm counts because she always does that.
Dave compliments Lukas his look and the lighting. Relevant. Tommy says that he would have done it the exact same way. "Nice jacket," he adds. Tommy probably has seven of them. Jason repeats his comment from a couple of weeks ago, which is more or less about how Lukas sings like his necktie is too tight. Lukas looks like he has no idea what to do with that, but manages to recover in time to acknowledge his applause. When you're Lukas, adulation makes everything better.
Brooke introduces Zayra by saying she's been "flirting" with the bottom three each week, but hey, at least her smart mouth is making her popular on MSN.com That must be quite a consolation. Tonight she's doing Blondie's "Call Me." And I wish she weren't. She's out there onstage all decked out in boots and this absurd blue rubber jumpsuit with an American flag on one shoulder and the middle cut out, like an astronaut from the planet Ipex or something. And it's Zayra back in Zayra form, which is to say, bad. As always, her voice is shrill, and the notes on the page are interpreted as vague suggestions. Jason, is, as always, blinded by her look. There's more of that dancing she does where she's all elbows and shoulders, like Elizabeth Berkeley in Showgirls but without the discipline. Gilby just cackles at her as she performs. Even Jason by this point is like, "Oh, dear, no."
Dave briefly bonds with her in Spanish that even I can understand, and then takes off the gloves: "My recommendation to you is to get started on a solo career, like, right now." Even Zayra can tell that she's just been dissed. As for me, I think Dave is too kind; my recommendation is for Zayra to get started on an accounting career. Gilby thought that she was great the week before, but now, "You lost me again." Zayra turns to the plays the "what did you guys think?" card, which didn't even work for Justin. Tommy is, once again, all about the look: "The last time I saw an outfit like that, I woke up with bite marks and boot marks all over me." Zayra almost blushes, and Dave makes a crack about interplanetary travel. Brooke joins Zayra, and before giving the voting spiel, she tells her, "I think you look amazing tonight." That must be quite a consolation, coming from somebody who apparently has no lights in her dressing room. Oh, and don't forget that Gilby will be onstage later!
Back from commercial, Brooke reminds us what happened with Dana last week, and asks, "Can she keep it up?" Let's find out. Dana's doing "About a Girl" -- the fourth Nirvana song in four weeks, in case you're counting -- and I bet that Supernova wishes they could go back in time and prevent Kurt Cobain from ever going on MTV Unplugged. Yes, Dana's doing it acoustic. I should point out that she's playing the guitar she got from Gibson Guitars the second week. You can tell because it's signed all over by the other Supernovices (except Matt, because he was already gone by then). Each of the Supernovices got one as a gift (Except Matt, because Gibson has no love for losers). The House Band is of course lined up behind her in acoustic configuration. Dana has been working on her Dilana impression; her eyes are all raccooned out and intense, her hair is hanging in her face, and her voice goes all raspy every time she has an excuse. One interesting thing about the arrangement is that Nate the Drummer is behind the kit instead of just tapping on bongos, which gives this a little more edge than most of the acoustic performances we've seen so far. Not a lot, but a little. Dana finishes strong, puts up her guitar, and heads out to the end of the runway for her feedback.
Dave starts off by saying, "You are finally looking damaged enough to be a rock singer...there is nothing worse than a grounded, centered, well-adjusted rock singer." Hey, what about a grounded, centered, well-adjusted recapper? Huh? Fucker? FUCKER!? Sorry. Better now. Jason says that this is his favorite Dana performance so far. Gilby is shocked at Dana's metamorphosis, and she cops to having chugged a beer before coming on. Supernova's like, "Whatever it takes." Sure, they say that now, but a few years from now when her contract rider calls for a case of some rare Latvian import, they might not be so supportive.
Brooke introduces Patrice by reminding us of the "heated argument" that arose from last week's song selection, and adds that "this week, she chose her tune without causing a scene." Which, according to the webisode, is really because Storm figured out a way to run it that didn't have everyone at each others' throats, but whatever. "Sorry, Tommy, no catfight for you this week," she adds. Oh, stop encouraging him. Unless there's going to be a similar remark about Josh. Anyway, Patrice takes the stage in her jog bra and a fur-lined vest, and she does her thing on "Remedy" by the Black Crowes. Which has been established, after four weeks, as Patrice's thing. Strong voice, walking around, smiling, etc. I'm having trouble coming up with new ways to describe her performances. Tommy even looks bored. I will say that the House Band sounds great on the ragged harmonies during the chorus.
Dave's irritation is palpable: "I'm just not seeing anything different, and frankly, I'm getting a little bored." He tells Patrice that she needs to start changing it up, "or you are wasting this opportunity." Patrice turns it around, asking Dave if he does different things onstage. Dave: "The difference is that I have a job and I'm not auditioning?" Snap. In the Nut Gallery, Magni flinches at that. Gilby adds that they're looking for the unexpected and unpredictable: "Do something. This is your warning." Ooh, big talk, considering they can't touch her until she's in the bottom three, which won't happen until...oh, I'd say tomorrow at the earliest.
Brooke tells us about Toby's "low-key" performance last week, which he's regretted ever since. Tonight he's doing "White Wedding" by Billy Idol. During song selection, Jill remarked that she should probably stay away from the wedding theme after her Violet debacle, but offered to loan her outfit to whomever ended up with this. Sad to say, Toby didn't take her up on it. It's also sad to say that Toby's lower range has a limit, and he hits it repeatedly on the first verse and chorus. Wisely, he goes up an octave after that. He's bopping all over the stage, singing down to the chicks in the front row, one of whom gives him the devil horns and a spectacular view down her esophagus. Yikes. He's practically tripping over her uvula. Toby keeps working it, though, perhaps overcompensating a little from last week. He ends on one big "Start agaaaain" which goes on even after the band stops, which is a showboat move that totally works for him. Jason's out of his chair.
"'Ello, mate!" Tommy cockneys. Toby almost responds normally, but then remembers to say, "How ah ya, mate!" That just gets more embarrassing every time. Tommy asks if everyone liked the performance. Surprisingly, they did. Gilby echoes my sentiments about Toby struggling in the opening, but doing better further along. Jason says that this was Toby's best performance so far. Why don't they just paste that in after every performance? Hell, for all I know, they did. Someone gives a "good on ya, mate," and Brooke does her thing again before commercial.
Making a whole not-my-type sandwich, Brooke sits between Storm and Zayra in the Nut Gallery as she introduces "The Iceman." From Magni's reaction as he waits onstage to start, you can totally tell that Brooke's the only one who calls him that. Anyway, he's singing "Heroes" by David Bowie, although it sounds more like the Wallflowers than David Bowie. Yes, it's an elusive double-cover! A rare beast in the rock world, indeed. His voice sounds nice, especially on the low, quiet opening verse and chorus. But he's also playing rhythm guitar, which confines him to that one spot behind the microphone stand. Worse yet, and even he looks bored.
Tommy's question, and I've been waiting for someone to ask this, is why Magni would "strap yourself to a guitar...and to a microphone" for a song about being a hero, which everyone wants. I think that would be a fair question no matter the song, and I'm surprised it took someone this ling to bring it up. Now, Magni has a couple of ways to play it here. He could be defensive and remark that lots of other people have done that, like Lukas, Patrice, Dana, Josh, and Jenny, twice. Okay, maybe that's not a good argument. Another option is to say that he wants to show his versatility, especially given that he's hoping for a slot in a band that's pretty short on guitars as it stands. Instead, he says, "I didn't wanna put on a blue spandex and run around," which would be a perfectly appropriate remark given that it's a song about heroes after all, except that he clearly punctuates it by gesturing to Zayra. Kind of a Bjërk move there. Zayra just nods patiently, like, it's a fair cop. Jason says something about singing to everyone, and Magni says, "I was singing to somebody on the other side of the globe. I'll sing for the rest of you later." Gilby thinks that there's a right way and a wrong way, and that Magni went with the latter. I'd like to see one of the Supernovices try playing guitar while singing into a headset so they can move around. I know it's possible technically, but it's kind of a shame that Garth Brooks made it impossible artistically.
Whoa, hold on; Ryan's going to try and actually have some fun tonight. He's doing "I Alone" by Live, and I'm a little disappointed that Toby didn't do it and prove me right. Ryan's fine, though, working the whole stage, walking sideways in a half-crouch through the bridge. There's a lot of diaphragm-holding and chest- beating, which kind of bugs. At the end of the bridge, he climbs up on the drum riser, then onto one of the actual drums before leaping off and staggering down the runway, knocking over the microphone stand as he goes. Nate the Drummer's going to kick his ass at the rehearsal. And then at the end, Ryan actually smiles.
Dave busts out his "night and day" metaphor again, and now he's the one to call it someone's best performance yet. He adds that it "didn't feel forced," which I'm not sure I agree with, but anyway. Tommy tells Ryan that he picked the perfect song for his voice, and Gilby agrees: "When you got down and communicated with everybody?" Ryan does it again, and Gilby calls it Ryan's new move. Jason calls Ryan "brutha" and tells him, "Show us more of what you did tonight, and you'll be fine." If by "fine" he means "top ten." Brooke does her spiel, this time with a little crack that she's done it a hundred times by now. Tell me about it. Try recapping it differently every time. This time I can't even appreciate the fact that she's so amused by her own wit. And then she invites Gilby up to the stage. Gilby has the whole commercial break to make his way up there. Will he make it?
He made it. Gilby's ascent to the stage means Jill's , with "Brown Sugar." You could argue that he puts his own stamp on the intro, or you could argue that it's barely recognizable. It's all a matter of perception. Jill goes back-to-back with him (or, more accurately, back-of-head-to-back), and then she and her tiny little miniskirt do their bar-band thing. It's hard to say how good it is, because Gilby's guitar and her voice are so loud here. They're evenly matched, at least. Also, Gilby's much more out in front that Jason was. Towards the end, Jill comes up behind Gilby and grinds her hips against him on the "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoo" part, until Gilby just walks away from her and goes out to the end of the runway to finish the song. Heh. And then Jill comes up and does it to him again. If he really wants to avoid her, he needs to go where she'll never ever follow, which is offstage.
The song wraps up. Gilby takes a bow, throws his pick into the drum kit, and heads back to the judges' dais, where Jason is looking a little embarrassed. Dave comments that every time a member of Supernova takes the stage, the Supernovices take it to the level. Jill gushes that it felt great. She certainly felt enough of Gilby. Speaking of which, her victim points out that he didn't care for the grinding. "As soon as you did it, I left." He gives a little lecture that women in music are using sex, but Jill doesn't need to do that. Dilana is up and paying silent homage to Gilby, even as he adds, "It's cheap, and it's weak." Dude. But, Jill, he did mention that he has a daughter, and it's not outside the realm of possibility that that daughter has a mom who's watching at home. Something to keep in mind. Dave tells Jill that it's a matter of opinion: "If this were my band, we'd be grinding for hours on end." Jill seems to think that might be preferable anyway, with a partner who isn't tall enough to block her sun.
Shut up, Phil's outfit. His tight, low-necked t-shirt doesn't change the fact that he's also wearing pair of brown old-man slacks as he waits through Brooke's introduction. He takes the stage to sing "One Headlight" by the Wallflowers. He's doing his new Phil thing, which is to say his old Phil thing but with a lot less wobbling and a lot more glaring. Jason looks unimpressed. So does Tommy. Phil works the stage with about as much intensity as one can muster on a song this mellow, sharing his microphone with Jim the Rhythm Guitarist on the second chorus. Then he's done, and the other Supernovices clap politely, except for Lukas, who claps rudely. I don't know how, but he does.
Dave's disappointed: "I just want to make sure that the intensity I saw last week wasn't just this guy," he says, pointing to Jason. Jason, in turn, is looking at Phil like something that got tangled up in one of his tuning heads. Tommy says that he digs Phil's style, but is starting to wonder if people could deal with that for a ninety-minute concert. Phil calls it his "head-bobble" and explains, "I got a loose neck." Tommy backpedals and tells him not to lose it. Unfortunately, Jason still hates it: "If the wobble is instilled...I'm worried." Hey, George Clooney couldn't even get rid of his while wearing a damn Batsuit. Maybe Phil just needs to do a Steven Soderbergh movie and he'll be fine.
Brooke tries to blow our mind by saying two names together: Dilana and Cyndi Lauper. What's the big? I always assumed they had the same colorist. Anyway, tonight Dilana is singing "Time After Time." She's on a stool at the end of the runway in another colorful Morticia outfit, sitting to Jim the Rhythm Guitarist, who is accompanying her on acoustic. She sings the first verse all sweetly like Marianne Faithfull or something, but is off her stool and walking around singing to the audience by the first prechorus. Jim also backs her up on vocals during the chorus, and they sound good together. Dilana builds up to a dramatic, full-on roar for the "I will be waiting" line, and then winds it down softly. Jim gets a hug and kiss from her for his trouble. It was good, but like Patrice, Dilana needs to change things up a little more. She really hasn't shown Supernova the godawful, sucky side of her voice yet.
Dave calls her "Sweet Dilana" and tells her that whatever she does, he gets chills every time. Tommy calls her "enchanting," which is not a word I ever imagined him using. Jason gives props to Jim, calling it a "duet," which is overstating the case a bit. Even so, Dilana makes the classy move of leading him out for his own bow. Which is probably totally calculated, but I don't even care. She then stands in Brooke's shadow for another voting spiel. This is probably the first time many viewers actually listen to Brooke tonight.
I think that one obstacle Josh has that nobody talks about is all the damn fidgeting he does before every performance. If they don't pick him as lead singer, Supernova can hook up wires to him to power their amps. Tonight, he's singing "No Rain." And come on, how you gonna rock that up? It's about one step up from a novelty song. Josh might as well come out in a bee suit. He does his best, though. The guitars are louder than on the original, and Josh wisely avoids the deadly Hoon Croon. The line "speak my point of view" is one he infuses with particular meaning. The lighting designers don't help, backing him up with some hippie-looking blue and green lights. Jason scowls and shakes his head, Josh sings some more, the band does a little stop so the audience can sing an "oh-oh-oh-oh," and Jason sighs like he's got heartburn.
Once Josh is done, Dave informs him that he escaped elimination last week, "Literally by the skin of your teeth." I guess Dave was fairly privy to that discussion, but "literally?" Ew, I'd hate to be Josh's dentist. Now Dave says that Josh is back where he started. Josh fails to suppress a frustrated eye-roll. Tommy tells Josh, "That was a fairly challenging song for a Mr. Soul Man." Josh confesses that he misses his soul, and has been trying to repress it, which I imagine is probably as successful as those church programs for "fixing" gay people (less likely to end in suicide, of course). But now, after listening to Supernova's music, Josh thinks that that there are elements of soul and blues in it. Does Josh do yoga? Because damn, that boy can stretch. He asks the guys to be open-minded. Gilby agrees with Josh to a point, but he wants to see "How [Josh's] going to bridge that." "Right on," Josh non-answers. I'm totally trying that in my job interview. "Tell me about a difficult situation you had to deal with at your last position." "Right on."
You know who they won't be asking that question? Storm. Brooke's introduction uses the phrase "crash your hard drives," and I feel kind of dirty. She's doing "Anything Anything" by Dramarama tonight, and according to the webisode, that's primarily by default because she's the only one of the Supernovices who knows it. I'm normally not a big fan of the kamikaze karaoke side of this show, but it pays off here. It's a fast song, and she sings the hell out of it, as she does. More crazy-eyes and lower-range belting from Storm. I am looking forward to hearing her do a song by a woman at some point. Or a slow song. Actually, I'd go as far as to say that the criticism that they gave Patrice also applies to Storm: they both do more or less the same thing each week, but the difference is that Storm's so much more energetic you don't notice as much. Until you sit down to recap it, of course. There is one big change tonight, though. At the end she's out at the tip of the runway, and she tosses her cordless microphone over her shoulder. It hits the stage before the sound booth guys can turn it off, but before we can be too distracted by the thump, she is off the stage, headfirst. Which is awesome, at first. But then you notice that amazingly, this is the one time that the front rows are packed with burly college guys instead of their girlfriends, which suggests to me that this was planned. Girlfriend is 5' 10" and athletic, and you just know that the usual complement of front-row babes would have gone completely Red Sea on her ass. Instead of belly-flopping on the floor, though, she's safely set back on her feet. Seriously, those guys have to be plants. One of them has a bald spot, for God's sake. The other Supernovices leap to their feet as if this is all real, which, for all they probably know, it might be. And to give credit where it's due, it takes more than one kind of courage to stage-dive in a miniskirt.
Once Storm gets a high-five from one of the CBS grips and hoists herself back onto the stage, Dave not only compliments the move, but tells her, "You commanded attention, and that's what a great singer does." Tommy asks the audience, "Can I get a 'hell, yeah'?" He gets several hundred of them. He compliments Storm on her excellent diving form, even getting up to do a little Grag Louganis pose. "Thanks, coach," Storm quips. Jason says what he always says to Storm, which in this case is that it's always "turbocharged." Brooke goes ahead and opens up the voting.
When we get back, Brooke claims that initial voting numbers are "staggering." She's got the initial bottom three -- or at least the screen does. The names? Josh, Jill, and Zayra. In no particular order, as always. Just once, Brooke needs to say that the names are listed "in order of suckiness."
Wednesday
Brooke would have us believe that voting was up another 15% from last week. She doesn't say how many of those are accounted for by Josh and Jill fans once they saw their favorites were in danger. I'm not saying anything about Zayra fans, because her fans are all members of Supernova and therefore probably don't vote. Brooke introduces the Supernovices, as well as Supernova, and tonight Tommy is described to be "the man rumored to have the biggest hatchet in Hollywood." He's also still not happy with his haircut, because he is behatted again; this time with a baseball cap in "locked" position and a red hoodie under his outer shirt, just in case the temperature in L.A. suddenly plunges below the 100 mark. She introduces Dave, explains how elimination shows work, and rolls a recap of last night's episode. Which I'm not about to recap. That's a rabbit hole from which I may never emerge.
At the end of four minutes' worth of previouslies, Tommy tells Storm, "A-plus on the stage diving. God, we needed that." Tommy asks Storm whether it was her first time. "No," Storm says saucily, "but I can make it look like it was." Everybody hoots like she just said something really naughty. I have no idea what that even means. Of course, Storm would sound naughty reading us her lease.
Dave wants to revisit his discussion from last night with Patrice. He's claiming that what he said to her last night was directed at all the Supernovices. Over thirteen weeks, they need to show different sides of themselves, "otherwise it gets a little boring and tedious." Patrice says that she gets it. She also tells him that she's seen him with Jane's Addiction, the Chili Peppers, and Panic Channel, and that all she was saying last night is that he's "consistent." Right. Now that she's had a day to figure out how to turn sass into sucking up. They now even claim to be fans of one another, and Dave says once again that he and the guys are just trying to help.
Speaking of which, Dave now turns to Zayra and asks where she got last night's outfit. "I got it out of your wardrobe," Zayra cracks. Oh, whatever. You just know that Dave's is purple. Gilby lies that Zayra is "entertaining" (and I agree, in the sense that the Star Wars Kid was entertaining), but he wants to know when the pop stops and the rock starts with her. She says that music is anything you want it to be, and maybe it's a good thing that she's different. Applause. Gilby's down with that, and asks when Zayra's going to pick an actual rock song and show what she can do with that. Clearly, Gilby has not been having the same nightmares about week two that I have. Zayra says that she plans to do just that week. Instead of remarking on the slim chances of Zayra being here week, Gilby claps happily. Dammit, is he turning on me, too?
Jason wants to talk to Phil: "What should we do about you, man? Is that all there is?" Wow, that's direct. Phil takes the question at face value and says that they should let him hang out a while longer. And then he says that he gets "frustrated" that two-thirds of each week's list is basically wuss rock. This is Jason's chance to say that the band doesn't pick the songs for the competition, if they don't, and if he cares to point that out, but he doesn't. Instead, Jason says that they're more worried about Phil's stage presence. Dave remarks that last night, Dana and Dilana did totally stripped-back but still intense performances. Phil lets it go, even though he doesn't want to, and resolves to invest in some eye makeup. Dave exaggerates that all the Supernovices can sing, or they wouldn't be here. What they're looking for now is "presentation" and "intensity." At this point, I'd be satisfied if all the Supernovices could bring more "lack of migraine-causing."
Back to Brooke, who introduces the clips from last night's post-performance at the Mansion. The Supernovices toast Storm's stage dive and sit down to dinner. "Jill, you can grind me any time," Ryan says. That's all the opening Jill needs to start bitching about the feedback she got. She interviews that Gilby is just used to being onstage with Axl Rose, which is a "completely different dynamic than having a woman up there." Because I just bet Axl is all about respecting people's personal space. Back at the table, Ryan keeps egging her on, and she's saying that she was "in a moment." Jill interviews that she doesn't take it back.
Later, Dana is hanging out in one of the house's nineteen living rooms with Toby, Dilana, and Ryan, congratulating herself on the performance. She gushes that she's learning from all of them, even when they're not speaking directly to her. Right now, of course, she's not shutting up, so that's not really an option for them. Dana interviews that this was her breakthrough performance. And back in the sitting room, she goes on about being the youngest and needing guidance, and Ryan busts in, "You're not that young...you're not where you should be at twenty-two, that's what I think." Says the grand old man of twenty-eight. Dilana starts to speak, but not in Dana's defense: "Does Supernova write a manual on how to be a rock chick in two months? No." Dana interviews that she's being discounted because of her appearance and prior performances. To that list, I would add her nonexistent chances of winning. Dilana tells Dana she's never seen her looking "rocked out" like she does tonight. Dana starts talking about her stage costumes, which makes her sound like she's on Rock Star: Barbie, but Dilana was the one who brought up looks, after all. Dilana tells Dana that she's still not getting it. "I think you're hearing people, but you're not listening." And then she smirks all Jedi Master at her protégé, which irritates me. Dana interviews that nobody has seen the real Dana. And then we're back where she's telling Ryan that she's "out of student mode," and that she's going to do what she wants. Ryan shrugs noncommittally, but you know he's really thinking, "Eeeeexcellent." By the way, this whole time, Toby hasn't uttered so much as a single "mate."
Back in the auditorium, Gilby gets into it with Jill, who has apparently already forgotten the lesson of complaining about the judges on camera. He says, "When you say these things and you get so defensive, it freaks us out...is this our future, that we're gonna have to argue all the time?" Jill says that he's wrong. "I'm Italian, so I'm hot-tempered," she says. That should set his mind at ease. Gilby doesn't like being told that he's wrong, and someone else mocks, "You're wrong, Gilby!" Jill says something about a double standard, where guys can rip their shirts off, but girls aren't allowed to show their sexuality onstage. Despite the cheering from the audience, this is such a weak argument that a normal person wouldn't even know where to start. Fortunately, Gilby is not a normal person, and recalls his experience with Heart: "Ann Wilson has never had to stoop so low as to hump me to try to get her emotions out." He doesn't say anything about Nancy, though. Jill starts to interrupt, but Gilby shuts her down: "To me, all the moves were predictable. I've seen it at the Holiday Inn. Show me something I haven't seen." Everyone's like "Whoa, Holiday Inn?" but Jill makes it worse by saying exactly the wrong thing: "Gilby," she condescends, "Everything's been done in rock & roll already." The judges basically shout her down at that. Tommy even picks up his microphone and makes a buzzer noise. "Wrong answer!" Dave intones. Gilby is just looking at her with contempt now. Realizing that she's beaten, Jill says that she's learned her lesson and is now hoping to do something "new and exciting." And she immediately starts trying to think of what on God's green earth that could possibly be.
Dave turns to Dana and asks her for clarification on her "no more student" stance: does this mean that she's going to stop listening to her fellow Supernovices, or, God forbid, Supernova? Dana says that everyone there has room to learn regardless of their age. Crusty old Patrice nods in agreement. Dana says that she's learning a lot more when the Supernovices keep their mouths shut. Oops. Clearly, she's not following their example. Dave leaps to the defense of Dilana (who is currently staring daggers at Dana), saying that Dilana's advice was helpful and supportive. Dana points out the difference between one-on-one advice and feeling ganged up on. Dave totally hears her, because that's all the time we have for group interviews tonight. He passes it back to Brooke, who promises an encore and a start on the bottom three after the break.
And so it is. Jason tells Brooke that when it came to picking the encore, "There was one overwhelming one: Storm Large." Storm gets up and makes her way through the screaming crowd, high-fiving audience members all the way. Or maybe she's just checking their upper-body strength. She hits the stage and waggles her ass at the crowd. She and the band tear into "Anything Anything." Lukas wants week's encore so bad it's giving him acid reflux. Storm does her thing, but without as many close-ups so the bug-eye thing isn't so distracting. week, I'd like to see her shoot a pair of sunglasses into the audience without using her hands. At the end, she flops onto her back on the runway, because the front of audience isn't packed with Teamsters this time. That would have been kind of a giveaway, encore-wise.
Brooke wastes no time bringing up the bottom three, not even mentioning that Storm isn't safe, because, whatever. It's time for her to notify the initial bottom three. In no particular order, she calls out Jill (who doesn't seem to realize what a bad night it is for her to be in the bottom three), Josh (who takes a little bow as he stands), and Zayra (whose mutterings of "Don't pick me" didn't work). Brooke says that the bottom three changed, and she other trailers are about to find out who they are. The first is Phil, who makes the goofy sad-face he uses at this time. And the other is Patrice. A ripple of shock goes through the crowd, even as Patrice smiles. Everyone else is safe. Brooke is about to tell us the name of the first person in the bottom three. She opens the envelope, closes it, and gives everyone a long, significant look. I wait for her to go to commercial, but I'm actually shocked when she says a name instead. I'm even more shocked when that name is Patrice.
Patrice puts on a pair of sunglasses to join Brooke onstage. We get a nice long clip of Patrice's performance, and another clip of her interaction with the judges afterward. Gilby in particular, you'll recall, asked for something unexpected and unpredictable. Back from the clip, here's where we get a good look at her outfit: under her hoodie jacket she's got a zip-up shirt that's unzipped all the way up from her belly to about one angstrom below her left boob. Looks like she took their advice, and is going to make them try to "predict" and "expect" whether she's going to flop right out of that thing and make CBS boot up the pixellator. Tommy asks Patrice whether she is surprised to be in the bottom three. She is, but she doesn't admit it: "I'd be surprised if I go home today, but I'm happy to play for all you people and all my people out there." Tommy asks her his what and why, and she says she's singing "My Iron Lung" by Radiohead. She calls it "a great modern rock song," "graceful, and beautiful and in your face at the same time." Tommy gives her the go.
Patrice starts in slow, as the song does, out at the end of the runway behind the mic stand. Her voice is strong, the band is strong, but aside from the weird-ass Radiohead chords, it's not much of a departure for her. Yet. She pulls up the hood on her red leopard-print sweatshirt halfway through the first verse, which combined with the shades makes her look a little like a female Unabomber. For the second verse, the shades and hood come off, and Patrice comes off the stage. While singing, she makes her way over to the Nut Gallery and sings a few lines right into Lukas's face. He responds by waggling his tongue against her microphone grossly. Don't forget to not turn that thing around for the rest of the song, Patrice. She heads back up to the stage for the bridge, and she's actually working it. The jacket comes off, and she lets out an extremely un-Patrician howl before showing us why she never dances and driving it home with the last couple of lines. The crowd loves it. "That's what I'm talking about," Tommy says over the cacophony. Storm is either moved to tears or wearing really cheap glitter eye makeup. Not that those are mutually exclusive. Magni does the "We're not worthy" bow as Brooke goes to commercial.
Coming back, Brooke tells us that Josh, Zayra, Phil, and Jill are still in limbo, and takes her sweet time to announce the second name. It's Zayra, and even Zayra doesn't look surprised. She joins Brooke onstage, wearing a short, silver kimono of some kind. At least she's sticking with the spacewoman theme for this week. Clip of Zayra last night sucking, and being told she sucks. Back from that, Brooke turns the floor over to Gilby. "It's always you and I, isn't it?" he asks wearily. Zayra says something about their mutual love. Still working on the English, I see. Gilby doesn't waste any time: "You've been here before. This may be the last time you sing for us. So whaddya got?" Zayra says that she's singing "Not an Addict" by K's Choice. Sadly, nobody cheers, either because they don't know the song, or because they do know the song and are sad because Zayra's about to ruin it. Zayra says that she picked it because she's addicted to music: "This is going to explain how I feel. I just need to sing." Gilby says that she's saved herself before, and challenges her to do it again.
Zayra sings from about mid-runway, behind the microphone stand. It's a stripped-down arrangement, with only Rafael the Lead Guitarist accompanying her on his electric. Which may be a choice, or it may be because the rest of the House Band hates her so much that they're boycotting her. Zayra sings like she knows it's not just her last time on the show, but her last time ever. And then the men are going to come and cut her up for her organs. It's such an emotionally naked and raw performance that I feel weird making fun of it. Not that it stops me. The audience waves their arms overhead all Purple Rain as the judges watch seriously. On the line, "If you don't have it you're on the other side," Zayra resists the temptation to point off stage left at where Patrice is waiting. At the end, the song slows down, which is a little awkward given that this is when the audience has decided to start clapping. She holds it together though, and everyone in the house except Gilby stands up to applaud what will no doubt turn out to be a rather classy swan song. Commercials.
Back from break, Phil, Josh, and Jill are still standing. It won't be the first trip to the bottom three for any of them. Or the last, if there's a God in Heaven. Brooke takes a long pause and says, "Josh." Someone groans, "No!" "You are safe," Brooke finishes, and tells him to sit down. Josh does, looking like he'd much rather go over there and thump her instead. Brooke does it again: "Jill..." everyone freezes. "...You are not in the bottom three." Dammit, lady, leave that crap to Seacrest. Yes, it's Phil, back in the bottom three. Phil gives a little head bobble and goes over to Brooke. Clip of Phil last night, and the judges on Phil last night. Back from that, Brooke turns it over to Jason, who says that he wants Phil to make him a believer and give "a performance that we could watch over and over again." Phil says that he's doing "A crazy song nobody's ever heard." One hopes the House Band has heard it, at least. It's called "Smoking Umbrellas" by Failure. Jason has clearly never heard of the band, and expresses his hope that it's not an omen.
It's not what I would call a catchy song. It's not even what I would call a particularly good song, but what do I know? It's basically a showcase for Phil to do what Phil always does, which is questionable pitch changes and flopping around, although he's still working on keeping that second thing under control. He sings a line of the second chorus to Patrice, who either sings or lip-syncs along, so maybe she's the other person on earth who's heard this song. Anyway, Phil wraps it up, and Brooke tells us that Supernova is debating whom to send home right now. They'll have a decision after the break, if they don't already.
Commercials. Wal-Mart would like us to know that ugly people can have chemistry, too.
We come back to see Phil, Zayra, and Patrice standing at the end of the runway. Brooke encourages Tommy's "hatchet man" nonsense some more, and hands it over to the band. Gilby starts out by pronouncing them "three killer performances." He starts with Patrice, so we know Patrice is safe, even if we didn't already. He says that her voice has kept her in the competition, even though she kept doing the same performance. But tonight was awesome. "We want to see more of that from you," Gilby says. "Go sit down, you're safe." Patrice is back in the Nut Gallery. Big surprise. To Zayra, Gilby plays the "you and me" card again. Putting on a brave face, Zayra says, "You can't get enough of me, babe." I can! Gilby calls her "original," but they're having trouble imagining her in Supernova. To Phil he says, "That was your best performance yet." Cheers. But Gilby isn't convinced that Phil wants it. Not sure where that's coming from. Phil insists that he wants to be the best at everything he does, and he wants to win. Gilby tries to ask, "Win this, or be in the band?" But any answer Phil might have is overpowered by the screaming. Shut up, you guys, I actually wanted to hear what Phil had to say for once. Sadly, Gilby lets it drop and says, "Now it's time for the hatchet man." I refuse to capitalize that nonsense. Tommy straightens his baseball cap and pulls up the hood of his red sweatshirt. And we see that it's got little felt horns on it. My toddler has one of those sweatshirts. A one-year-old wearing it on Halloween is cuddly and adorable. A fortysomething piece of tabloid-bait covered with tattoos wearing it is...cuddly and adorable. Sorry, dude. Josh points in gape-mouthed amazement at this trangressive sartorial breakthrough. Shut up, Josh. Tommy pretends to hate this some more, but says that someone has to go. "Right now, this is a question of commitment," he says. "Oh, my God," Patrice mouths, seeing what's coming. Tommy tells Phil that they question his commitment and announces, "You're the to go." The sound we hear then is the sound of four hundred human jaws hitting the floor.
The Supernovices in particular look horrified as Phil and Zayra hug. "Zayrita, sit down," Jason says. Master of Puppets, indeed. He has a lot more pull in this band than I thought. Zayra joins the Nut Gallery, not looking any happier to be back than they are to see her. Not that they're even looking at her. Phil stands alone on the runway as the audience starts chanting his name. He plays it up momentarily, until Dave calls for order and give Phil a chance to say his piece. Phil thanks them for the shot, and says that he's sorry they questioned his commitment, "but this breaks my heart. I really wanted to win this. This breaks my heart." Toby is sitting there with his mouth wide open, thinking, Crikey, them wallabies have gone bleedin' shithouse! Hey, if he's going to do it to himself, I might as well help. Gilby says that he respects Phil's refusal to change, but still wasn't sure Phil really wants to be in the band, aside from winning the contest. "I gotta believe that you guys really want to be in the band," he tells the Nut Gallery. Storm, for one, is looking like she's not so sure about that any more. And Phil's out. The most subdued good-byes ever commence in the Nut Gallery as Brooke gives her closing speech.
Post-eviction interviews. Patrice calls Supernova's decision a "huge message." Which must be Austinese for "seriously fucked-up." She says she has to bring "world-class stage presence" every week and cops to having been surprised to be in the bottom three. As for Zayra, she still can't believe it. "It's a miracle," she says, gratefully. Are they still called that when Satan is behind them?
After the show: Thanks to the forum posters, I learned that the real reason Phil was booted is because he not only said that he was in this competition to gain exposure for his own band, but is also on record with less-than-enthusiastic reactions to Supernova's music so far. So I can see booting him for that reason. I can also see Supernova leaving a flaming bag of poo on Mark Burnett's front step for leaving all of that out of the show edit and making them look like bigger idiots than they are. Think they'll address it on week's show? Me either.