In With the New

S03E05

The morning, Ashley makes the walk of non-shame back to the hotel. Farrah asks her where the fuck she's been, but of course knows the answer. Ashley interviews that Farrah's her girl, and knows exactly what happened without Ashley having to say anything. Well, given that she looks like the cat who ate Bret Michaels' canary, it's not too hard to figure out. Ashley explains to Farrah that Bret was playing the guitar and singing her kick-ass songs. Farrah looks at the clock and wonders how many songs he has. Yeah, it only FEELS like it's been twelve hours when he plays his solo album for you. Farrah interviews that she's not jealous of Ashley. She just wishes she could have been there to participate or at least hold the video camera, for future fun times alone. I do love her.

The new girls get some Bret Mail with a side delivery of United Jeans, to help them look smoking hot, and an invitation for a date. Beverly interviews that some of the original girls haven't gotten the chance to go on a date with Bret yet. She's pissed and upset that she hasn't had enough quality time with Bret for him to see who she is. I think she's just mad that she's not the only one in the house who's not a total whorebag anymore. Bret enters to collect the new girls, who he notes are looking hot. In the limo, they share stories of the drama in the house, including the time when Brittanya went ape-shit on Kami. Bret thinks that Brittanya being upset could be a good thing. However, the fact that she didn't care if she went home could be a bad thing. Bret takes the girls to the bowling alley, which is kind of an awesome date. As they have beers and bowling alley food, Bret notes that he's had more fun on this date than his others combined. That's what a good chicken finger will do to you.

Later, Bret works out. He loves to show us how he works that rowing machine, doesn't he? Because there's nothing sexier than a man in sweatpants! Brittanya, who's a bit nervous about elimination, enters. She is wearing an outfit that appears to be fashioned entirely out of tinfoil. A very small amount of tinfoil. Whatever that foilage is, says Bret, it's hot. Hey, Bret used the word "foilage" correctly for once! He adds that it's a scientific fact that women know how to use the sex card to keep a relationship perky. He might have a point, because Brittanya basically sits there in her foil dress and barely says a word. She doesn't have to as her boobs are doing the talking for her. To his credit, Bret says that if they don't strike up some sort of a conversation soon, this isn't going to go very far. It must be a strange feeling to be too dumb for Bret Michaels. Finally, Brittanya talks about how pissed she was about the addition of the new girls. Bret wants to hear that she's there for the right reasons. Brittanya hopes that he knows that already. She interviews that the physical connection is definitely there, but she still doesn't know about, and I quote, "[Pause.] What's that called. Mental? [Laugh. Pause.] Emotional? Yeah, yeah, okay. But I'm still really concerned that the emotional connection isn't there." Bret gives her a hug, and a giant censor box has to cover her side boob. I love that her defining personality trait is shyness.