Out With the Suck, In With the Suck

If last week's rant about reality-show cast members being very stupid and na�ve in thinking this is a good way to launch a career in the performing arts afterward -- based on, if nothing else, looking at the sea of non-careers launched before you by The Real World-ers and Survivors and The Molemen -- if that upset anyone, I have to say: good. It's about time. Have Eric Nies hand you a hanky and get back to filing and answering phones.

Previously...Sarah told us she doesn't do well at missions. We saw her failing them. Computer screen. They had to make a decision. Sarah told us that last time, everyone did her a favor by not booting her. Then they voted. The boys all voted to vote. Kendal made her stupid speech. Then the vote was tied. The B/M Crack Editing squad has obviously been told to try to make that section seem very very exciting and tense. I wonder why they're bothering? Maybe the show is huge in Guam or something.

Opening credits. I refuse. (It's great that they still haven't fixed the lyric on the closed captioning. "Just board the camper." Not even close. Hee.)

Night. Stock footage of the full moon. RV. Dramatic shots and fade-outs of the kids. Rachel tells us they knew they'd someday have to make this choice. Shane amps up the drama by telling us, "This is someone's life." Oh, for the love of the big gay god. This is not someone's life. It's a stupid game show. Relax, yo. Shane tells Sarah that he wants to hear what she has to say. Oh, thanks. Sarah -- all teary and snotty as always -- says that it seems that a lot of problems would be gone if they just booted her. Then she says maybe not; maybe the new girl would be just like her and they'd be "fucked." Everyone laughs too eagerly, the tension-breaking laugh of "Oh god. Now that you cracked a joke, we don't feel quite as bad booting you, since you're obviously not suicidal." Eric jumps on it, voting once again to vote. Kendal slut-overs that Eric voted so quickly and didn't even think; if he cared about her he'd think about what she'd said and consider it. Darrell votes to boot. Shane does, too. Kendal isn't changing her vote. Rachel babbles that she's confused. She tells Sarah she doesn't know if Sarah quite grasps why they're making this decision. Oh, shut up. Of course she does. Don't blame being a cunt on the person you're booting. Just boot or not. She finally says she's not ready to lose anyone else at random, and votes to boot.

Now the pro forma second round of Who to Boot? Voting. Rachel votes Sarah. Kendal doesn't vote. Darrell votes Sarah. Shane weeps Sarah. Eric votes Sarah, and then wishes her "the best in life." Sarah immediately stands up and starts packing. Hee. Quickly shots of all the kids looking sad. Rachel camera-talks that everyone is feeling guilty. We see Sarah packing, and ExpoKendal tells us that Sarah has to be packed and ready to go at midnight. Great, but that means nothing to us since we have no idea what time it is.

Now Rachel -- showing what a lowly, stupid person she can be -- asks Sarah to "ease [her] mind" and basically tell Rachel that that what she did was okay. Sarah doesn't fully bite, saying that she guesses she can understand, but that she wouldn't have done the same thing. Kendal cries into her sleeve. Sarah comforts the full-on weeping Kendal. Lord. Kendal says something into Sarah's sleeve that even the captioners don't bother trying to get. Sarah -- goo dripping down her face onto the B/M mic cable, shorting it out -- snots to us that Kendal made her feel "so loved." She adds that Kendal stood up for her, and so few people would. She starts crying. Jeez. What's with the tears, y'all? It's Road Rules, not Houston Medical, or even COPS.

Eric and Shane take a romantic walk. Eric says he was listening to Kendal, but that it didn't do anything for him. Shane assholishly says that Kendal brought up "no valid points" to make him change his mind. Eric tells us that he booted Sarah because the people worked hard for the prizes. He just wants his surfboard and shit, but he plays like Kendal needed college money, which is such bullshit because she was the one fighting to keep Sarah and give up the money. Stupid. Eric then says that he even likes Kendal more after what she said to Sarah. The dolt turns around and camera-talks that now he realizes Kendal might never look at him the same way again. You mean, with vague pity? Oh, I imagine she still will.

Rachel. She says that this is depressing. Everyone helps Sarah pack. Sarah snot-overs that her biggest fear was that no one would like her and that they'd boot her. Oops. (C'mon, that's kind of sad, people. They liked you, Sarah. We like you. You just suck at missions. So what.) Kendal now tells us that Eric came back and just watched Sarah pack and she thought that was shitty of him. "Do you want her to leave sooner?" Kendal wonders of Eric.

Kendal thinks that the air is thicker now. Huh? Sarah's cab comes. Everyone is babbling. Kendal tells us that this is goodbye, and now it's real. Darrell hugs her out by the cab and says he'd love to be her friend afterward and he was worried she wouldn't want to after he booted her. I wouldn't want to. Shane wishes her luck. Kendal hugs her. Sarah tells Kendal to be nice to the new girl. That's classy. Sarah hugs Rachel in the cab, telling Rachel she still has half the road left. Half!? Half!? We have ten more episodes? NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Please no.

Anyway. Sarah snots on us that a lot of the stuff about the trip sucked, but she loved it anyway. She tells us, "It's been good. It's been real." She smiles, snot flying out of her nose for the last time...as the cab drives away. Crap song plays as Kendal cries her ass off. Hee. Kendal goes walking.

In the RV, Shane...fucking Shane, man. Shane cries, making Rachel comfort him. "You don't feel like a good person after doing something like that." Good. You shouldn't, ya big Muppet-looking motherfucker. He says his reasons for doing it aren't so clear now anymore. Suddenly, we see Eric crying. Hee. What a fucking tool. Tool. Tool. Tool.

Rachel tells Kendal that this is much more depressing than losing a mission. Kendal says she's not mad at Rachel because Rachel is an athlete and thinks in terms of winners and losers. (Who are the "winners" on this show, then?) Kendal asks Rachel why Eric is crying. She adds that it really bothers her, and she doesn't know why. Kendal says that she felt it was a smack in the face for Eric to watch Sarah pack and shit. Rachel justifies it. Kendal says she feels bad for the new person, because she'll be compared to Sarah. Well, let's hope not, for her sake. Her ass would get booted in two seconds if you see her as anything like Sarah.

Eric is all weepy and -- this is fucking funny shit, y'all -- he runs and finds Kendal in the back room, and falls on her crying. Kendal just lies there. Hee. She then camera-sluts that she's not going to comfort him. She says it really disgusts her. Us too, honey. And commercials.

RV. Day. Kendal brushes her hair as Eric drinks water. Kendal ignores him. Eric tells us he's not talking to Kendal because he can see in her eyes that she's "confused" and doesn't want to talk to "any of [them]." Man, how wrong can one man be? She just hates you. In the bathroom, Kendal tells us that Eric is being stupid and she wants him to be a real person and "quit being that robot." She wants him to talk to her if he wants, and not just stare at her. She adds that Eric obviously thinks he ruined his chances with Kendal...and he's probably right. Hee. Rachel, who is always in the bathroom, says that Eric is "detached" and acts the way he thinks he should, rather than the way he feels.

At some random gym, Kendal continues her Big Fat Monologue of Who Gives A Shit, telling Rachel that she's been agonizing all morning and she's tired of it. Kendal misses Sarah, but doesn't want anyone to feel bad and think she's judging them for their decision. She wants to make it clear to the boys; Rachel thinks the boys think Kendal needs more time. (God, the talking on this episode. Obviously there is no mission, but it says a lot that even with the crappiness of the missions, I'd rather have one than all this fucking yapping.) Outside now, Kendal says that she has to move on and get ready for the new girl so she feels like a member of the team; she thinks they failed in the beginning by making Sarah feel like an outsider.

Now with Shane. Shane says she doesn't want Kendal questioning his decision for booting Sarah, but doesn't want her hating him. Kendal says she doesn't. Shane is touched and wants a hug; he's nearly weeping. Jesus, c'mon man. Shane says he loves her. Oooh, then why don't you marry her? Oh, yeah. That's right. Kendal says that as far as Eric's concerned, when you're dating a person, you have higher expectations. With Eric she has higher expectations? Now that's just silly.