You know how when you have a really good cut of filet mignon, it kind of ruins regular steak for you? Or when you drive a Lexus with leather interior, it makes your shitty car seem all the worse? Or when you have sex with a supermodel in a private chateau on the Côte D'Azur high on ecstasy while Radiohead performs a private concert on your balcony, regular love-making never quite seems the same? Well, along those lines, I never should have accepted the assignment to recap The Osbournes. I should have stuck with shows the crap level of The $treet and Chains of Love, because to go from Ozzy to yet another season of Road Rules makes this show -- the show that keeps staying around, regardless of the long, odd, upswing and downswing in the popularity of reality programming, regardless of the relative wackness of each season, and regardless of whether anyone at all is watching -- seem like caca squared. Cubed, even.
Fuck it. Let's start. Steve and the returning-to-chub Blair introduced the new cast in a "Best of" (ha) retrospective on the long-running show last week. I'm not sure why they didn't do the Casting Special (unless I just missed it) or the weekend-long thing they did last year. (Ooh, speaking of which, I saw a girl the other day on the street and I was staring because she had massive breasts and it looked like she was bald, but when I got closer I saw it was the snake-meanness of Coral, waiting to cross the street. I almost threw my Jamba Juice at her.) I guess B/M has finally become like the rest of the world, and they just don't care. In fact, I'm pretty sure B and M haven't seen an episode since, say, Season Four.
Anyhoo, they launch right in, like, half a second after the end of the repeat of Jisela and crew's last show, into the new "This Season On..." where we get a barrage of images of The Same Old Shit. College kids cheering. Boot Camp people yelling. Our new kids crying. Tandem bungee. Car stunts. Beam walking. Pole sitting whilst kids chuck shit. Pudding wrestling. A slap. A lesbo kiss. The obligatory Interchangeable White Couple kissing. (Ooh, I forgot Ellen last year! How diverse, B/M.) The kids Stepping at a black college. Posing nude. Alligator wrestling. Flashing titties. Gay kiss. Interracial kiss. Bag o' money. Sad montage of Having To Vote Someone Off. And...that's it. If only the whole season could go that fast. If only this fucking hour-long first episode could go that fast.
Okay. We're in the Appalachians somewhere on a country road and The Kid I Already Hate Just From His First Sentence appears, walking with a backpack. He's a big white dude and thinks these ten weeks will be the greatest in his life. Actually, the feeling of freedom and relief in the weeks following his divorce when he's in his late thirties from the wife he never really loved, or the knowledge that he'll live to play another round of golf when he survives his second coronary at age fifty-three will probably fill him with more pure joy, but yeah, this might be pretty cool. He stops at a RR "Bus Stop" and reads that he's supposed to wait. He says the only "C'mere, Dog" uttered in recent Road Rules history that actually refers to a real canine, when a dog comes running through a field to him. What the hell is going on? He's telling us -- the kid, not the dog, which is a shame because a talking dog would be much cooler -- that everyone tells him he's the All-American boy, so it must be true. He is Eric, age twenty, from Florida. (Eric is doing nothing to change my view that we should cut and push Florida out to sea. Just cut it and push it. Solve many problems.) He loves having a great time. He's the "All-American boy to the max." Can you hear a person say that about themselves and not hate them immediately and forever? I challenge you. The dog attacks him and rips his All-American face off, and runs back with dinner for its Appalachian family, and yet another white boy dies, bleeding-out on the side of Rural Road 794 in the middle of West Virginia.
Kendal is twenty-one, from Seattle. She wears a "fur" coat that screams "Hey, I'm rich but shop at vintage stores because I'm 'hip.' Fall for me but don't get too close. If you do, I will fuck you but then tear your heart out and justify it with the fact that I'm 'wounded.'" She says she's nervous -- having grown up as an only child -- about living with others in such a close space. I now notice that the kids have American flags on their packs. Wow, I wonder how 9/11 will affect Road Rules? (Comic beat.) Bwah-ha! Kendal and Eric run towards each other, now shadowed by two killer dogs.
Rachel is nineteen from Florida. She's cute. She tells us that she's excited but nervous about leaving herself open to judgements. She tells us that she doesn't want her lesbo relationship with Amy to define her, but then on her casting tape, flaunts her "Latin Lover" out for the camera, and they grind on the dance floor.
Darrell is twenty-two. He's The Black Dude. He's from Oakland (whoo-whoo) and at first understandably thinks he has to play The Black Dude role for B/M, telling us that you ain't seen no black dudes out here chasing mountain lions and shit. I trust he'll relax soon. He's an amateur boxer who hopes to go to the Olympics. He meets Rachel.
As the two dogs try to rip each other's throats out, Kendal asks Eric if he's gay. No. (It's not like blowing a couple guys drunk in your frat one night makes you gay or anything.) Neither is she. He says that it's "a good thing." She agrees. Eric voice-overs shit about Kendal and her coat being straight out of Hollywood and he's psyched and she's blonde. Kendal camera-talks that she never plans to fuck anyone, but she usually just ends up doing it anyway. A school bus comes. Ah, I see. The theme with the schools and the...I hate you B/M.
Shane is twenty and gay, from North Carolina. He tells that he just came out to his mom and he knew his whole life was going to change. In a casting tape, he says he likes girls, but guys much more.
Sarah is nineteen from Oklahoma. She's afraid no one will like her. No one will like her. She and Shane find each other. They make small talk.
The bus picks up Rachel and Darrell. Rachel tells us that it looks like they put her in a "freaking fraternity." Kendal, because she needs to categorize the world immediately into people she will and won't fuck, asks if they're straight or gay. Darrell is straight. Rachel lies that she's straight too. (I would make a joke about her nose growing even longer at this point, but I'll resist.) The bus picks up Sarah and Shane. Shane camera-talks that he doesn't want to enter into this as "The Gay One" before they get to know him. Of course, immediately, they ask him if he's gay. Shane says he is. Kendal says that makes sense. They all laugh uncomfortably as they say something about the gay ones always being cute. Shane wants to run. He says things aren't clear cut. Rachel finally takes the out to...well, come out. She says she's bi. Someone responds, "Sweet." She and Shane shake gay hands. Eric tells us the trip has officially begun.
Intro. Stunts. Stunts. The graphic theme is some weird blueprinty thing happening, interspersed with the kids and their vitals on the blueprint. Falling. Falling. Naked. Falling. Surfing a car. There is a song that goes something like, "Leave out your rules. These are the Road Rules!" Someone should seriously be shot for that. And title. Logo. Fuck off.
The bus drives and the kids get to know each other and quickly make sure we hate them. Sarah launches into how she hates girls and is more masculine and hangs with the dudes. Kendal camera-talks that she tends to be girly.
They arrive at Appalachian State University on the faux-football field where they meet Mission Mayors (yes, they're still calling them that) Steve and Jen. Steve leads off a chorus of cheers by welcoming them to the eleventh blah of blah, and then trots out the yearly big lie, which is that this year things are different. No. They're never different, Steve. One day I'm going to be forty, sitting on my Mylar couch eating my food pellets and recapping Road Rules. Things don't change. Sadly. Steve tools on that they will be going to fifteen unlucky campuses and doing missions and getting prizes. If they fail two missions, they have to cut someone. Darrell tells us that he didn't know people were getting the boot. Obviously, he didn't watch last season. He and America. Sarah is deflated before our eyes, she says. So are your chances of not getting cut, honey.
The kids go to get their keys. They walk to a big water area where screaming bored college kids stand. Eric tells us the screaming girls made him happy. The Road Rulers make asses of themselves as they go to the water's edge on a pier. The canned cheering continues as Steve talks about their annual Polar Plunge, a fundraising thing. There are buoys in the water with keys. They have to dive in and get the keys and see which one unlocks the Fleetwood. The water is nearly freezing. All six will jump in at the same time, clothed or not. Eric camera-talks that he's "so psyched to take [his] shirt off and hear the girls yell." Hey Eric, can you hear me yell? "You are a fucking tool!!!" Hear that? Good. You can All-American kiss my ass. Darrell tells us that Shane and Eric were loving the crowd but he wasn't used to people cheering for him. Eric has my boxers. I'm going to go throw them away. Sarah camera-talks something taking the rare chance to be in her undies in front of a crowd. She says she feels popular. Rachel is the only one clothed. Commercials.
Back. Cheering. There is a thing they try to make seem dramatic where Shane jumps in early. Who the fuck cares. Slo-mo. So-stupid. It's cold, says Shane and Darrell and Kendal. They swim to the keys and get out but we don't even get to see nip as suddenly they're dressed in warm clothes and drinking coffee and getting into their RV. Morons designed it with a notion of what college kids would find cool. There is a sticker that says "Pimp Mobile" and handcuffs and a Lounge sign in the bedroom. Shane tells us that the RV is phat as hell. They get directions to go to an RV park. They drive, Kendal thinking about flashing her titties. And as they drive away, Appalachian State University both takes a deep sigh of relief and then of sadness as they realize that was the most exciting event that will take place there all school year.
Driving. They go to a campground and get their site. Sundown. They read shit on their iBook about the season and prizes. If they fuck up two missions, they can give away all prizes they have earned so far, or give someone the Jisela. The kids whine about having to boot someone. Kendal hysterically calls the rule about giving back the prizes "shallow." All three girls immediately start saying they should vow to fuck the prizes and not boot someone off, all three fearing being booted off. Shane is not in favor of making a pact; obviously he's pretty sure he's going to be hating someone soon. They all giggle.
Bedtime. Kendal and Eric put down a sofa bed. She tells him she's going to rock his world. Eric tells us he gets to sleep with her. She tells us he's cute. Shane watches, laughing. Everyone is all sleeping together. There is a "sex monkey" stuffed animal near them. Eric and Kendal start counting a bowl of condoms, to see how many are then gone by the end of the trip. Everyone is sort of laughing and being stupid and then everyone's asleep. But then Shane whispers what are they doing and Kendal says nothing and he says he heard the sheets rustling and knows what's up. Eric's private gay side comes out when he invites Shane to come cuddle with them. I don't understand. Shane comes over. Kendal is between the boys and Shane asks where Kendal's panties are and everyone laughs. Shane calls himself "the walking chastity belt" for them. Eric laughs his ass off. Then it's morning.
Morning. They head back to the school for their real mission.
Sarah camera-talks that she's not trying to guess what their mission is. Really? Wow. How interesting.
They arrive at two nine-storey dorms with cables running between the two roofs. Kids are screaming and our kids are wondering what they're going to have to do. Darrell is excited. They wonder some more.
At the top, they get harnessed in, and Eric talks about being high up. Some Old Dude talks to them about not getting near the edge when they're excited and not clipped in. All right, old-timer. Someone has drawn a chalk body outline down below. The Mayors show up with money: six thousand dollars. They announce that the kids will pair up into teams of two, and go across the wires, just holding onto each other, face to face. Steve says the wires are "a freaking hundred and eight feet" off the ground. Hee. Douchebag. It's sixty feet across. Each boy-girl team gets two chances only. Kendal jumps up and down and claims Eric as her teammate. Shane and Rachel -- the Gays -- are together. "Gay Pride," says Rachel. Darrell and Sarah don't pick each other, but are stuck together, bitches Sarah.
Shane and Rachel are first. It seems pretty hard. Shane says it feels much higher. They talk to each other and encourage one another, and make fake tension as we go to commercials.
Back. Shane and Rachel shimmy across and keep going and finally make it. Rachel screams like she's hurt. Everyone cheers. Kendal announces that they must feel very good.
Sad music plays as Sarah and Darrell go. Sarah tells us that she's not used to relying on people. Awwwwww...she's nearly crying. They start out, both kinda bitching at each other. Mostly Sarah. Darrell says it's all cool until he tells her she can lean on him. She stupidly leans on him and goes into the splits and they fall. Darrell camera-talks that it's his fault. They console each other as they go. It's funny how I can both laugh and have complete apathy at the same time. Human emotions are cool.
Eric and Kendal. "Front, slide," they say. Kendal wants to go slower. "Shh, quiet!" she says, adding, "Focus." I'm sure that was what she was saying last night. Kids watch from dorm windows. (I would so find a way to chuck eggs at them or something if I were in college and Road Rules dared to come to my campus.) Eric and Kendal shake. Talk. Shake. Talk. "Don't lose it," everyone yells. Then they fall. Kendal says it really freaked her out. As they hang in the air, Kendal tells us that it was a "highly emotionally charged moment," so she grabs Eric and kisses him. Hee. They make out on the way down. Eric voice-overs that it was sweet and sensual. Yeah. Really. In a totally non-sensual way.
Sarah tells Darrell that it's not fear, but being cold that's the problem now. Darrell thinks they can do it if they stay focused. Ha. They try again. Kids cheer below. They slide, slide, shake, and Sarah says Darrell was getting anxious. Rachel can't watch. They fall. It's over. Kendal cries up top. Sarah says she dropped the ball and they failed their first mission and it feels horrible. It feels good from where I'm sitting.
Up top. Eric consoles Darrell. We see the fall again. Eric says their backs are against the wall. Sarah says that she didn't trust Darrell, and he trusted her, and that was the problem. The Mayors give them the big "Fuck you, bitches," and take the money away; when Steve says they failed their first mission, Kendal complains that she doesn't need to hear it again. Steve says they have lots of time left, but that they are closer to having to boot someone, so they need to pull together now. Darrell says he hates the feeling of failure -- of being "the weakest link."
Back in the RV, they're all bummed and wondering if they'll ever pass a mission. Sarah lies that they've gotten closer the last couple days and now they trust each other more. Eric says he just immediately trusted them all. Sarah camera-talks that she can bear the weight of the world, but to trust others takes work. Sarah tells the group that she's self-reliant and doesn't need anyone. They all look worried. Sarah camera-talks that "trust is earned," and that they haven't earned her trust yet. Rachel tells us that things are bad. Yes, sister. They are. Is it too early to say to Sarah, "Buh bye"? Yeah, I didn't think so. Buh bye, Sarah. I recommend orbitz.com or travelocity.com to book your flight back to Oklahoma.
RV park. Night. Jen from the fake B/M Mayor's office comes by the RV to ask if anyone feels like partying. Where I come from, knocking on an RV in the middle of the night and asking that would make her a hooker. But instead, she's an adjunct B/M employee, which really isn't much different. Shane says that he's going out partying and that he's not going to bum around the RV just because Sarah ruined everything. So they all go out to this, like, tiny little house where it's just them basically standing around fake-cheering and drinking and dancing. Rachel does this really disquieting neck-dance. Eric laughs. Shane laughs, totally on the prowl for some gay Appalachian tail. Eric tells us that the more they're around together, the more he finds himself attracted to Shane...I mean, "Kendal." They dance. Kendal dances sexy. Eric dances like the white boy All-American he is: awfully. Meanwhile, Darrell tries to get Sarah to dance, but she just bitches that she doesn't dance at all and that instead of being shy, she's aware of her capabilities. Darrell kinda looks like Humpty Hump here. More of Eric and Kendal dancing. Rachel says that Eric digs Kendal more than Kendal digs Eric. Yeah, no shit. Kendal then tells us that Eric is the type of person she could "get into a relationship with." (Read: have drunken, regretful, bad sex with.) She closes that he's a big dork, but he's sweet. I'm getting the impression that Kendal could chew Eric up and spit him out...and still be hungry again by lunchtime.
RV. Driving. Sarah sleeps. Rachel bitches that Sarah should be up and getting to know them. Rachel says that Sarah's isolating herself and shows no interest in group activities. Darrell says that he was freaking her at the party, but she wouldn't dance. Rachel -- the great all-knowing -- says that one needs to relate and tell people "your story." She goes on, "It's what you make of it." I wish this show would be what I made of it, because it would just be naked girls and maybe some yelling, and then it would be over. Oh, yeah, they have that. It's on Cinemax every night at 2 AM.
Eric, Shane, and Kendal are sitting up front. Kendal -- looking really pretty -- tells the boys that she doesn't know why, but she called her ex-boyfriend last night. Aw, drunk-calling after dancing with Eric. You know, Eric is very much an All-American boy, in that he really wants to have a threesome. Difference is, he wants it with to be with Kendal and Shane. Eric looks bummed as Kendal says that she doesn't know why she called him. "He gets in my head," she says. (I'll leave that one alone, people. Too easy.) She tells us -- as we see a video of her standing with the least memorable boy I've ever seen -- that she doesn't know how they broke up, but she fell too hard too fast and doesn't have the energy to get involved on that level right now with anyone. Eric drives on, pissed, as Kendal secretly laughs that she's fucking with him. Shane camera-talks as much to us. We see them at dinner; Eric is flirting stupidly with Kendal and she calls him a dork. He, "hurt," moves to another seat. Then Eric's big stupid face is telling us that Kendal has fucked more people that he has (consensually, he means), and that he doesn't know what "level [he needs] to play to." Hee. I'm still having the great Tool or Douchebag debate with Eric. I'm thinking Tool, but the jury is still out. Rachel, meanwhile, sticks her nose in other people's business (sorry) and tells us that Eric will get played by Kendal -- and that she has "too many scars" for him. (Just say, "Too many dicks," Rachel. It's okay. We're all adults.)
In the RV, the kids decide where to sleep and volunteer Eric to sleep alone in back. Kendal says that's fine, because they're not sleeping together. Eric asks why, and she whispers that they already discussed that. Poor Eric. He asks for clarification and Sarah (I think) busts in, "He just wants to cuddle, kiss, and dry-hump." Hee. Everyone laughs. Lord, this is going on and on. Kendal tells us she's purposefully going hot and cold on Eric. Yes, because she's a woman and that's what they do. Well it is. Commercials.
The five decide to go out running on some rural road. They ask Sarah one more time if she wants to come, but she says no. Fuck, I wouldn't either. She says it's too hot, and then tells us that the other five are very competitive, but she'd rather sit around eating chips. Word. Fuck jogging. The kids are walking now, saying that they don't know what to do with her and they're frustrated and she needs to just get out of the RV because she stays in there all day. Eric says they do have missions coming up and it would be good if she was used to being active. Rachel tells us that obviously Sarah is getting the boot if they have to boot someone. Well, yeah. I could have told you that two days ago. Back at the RV, Sarah tells the kids she started a diary on the computer; she jokes that they shouldn't go read it cuz it's private. (God, that was the stupidest thing to do -- start a diary on the computer while everyone already hates you, and then tell them not to look. Yeah, that request will be honored.) Rachel says that Sarah must already be getting herself prepared for the Big Boot. Shane blahs about not knowing if Sarah wants to be part of their team.
Night. The RV drives. Rachel can't keep her yap shut, so she tells Sarah that she's not getting it and she's digging herself a hole deeper and deeper. Sarah whines that she has a lot of trust issues and isn't used to the group thing. Kendal says she isn't either, and Sarah counters that Kendal's in a sorority. Kendal bitches back that Sarah shouldn't assume so much about her. Kendal says that they haven't talked, because right away Sarah said that she didn't like girls. Sarah says, "Because...I don't." Hee. Sarah has this really lazy, mushmouthed, whiny way of talking that really annoys me. They talk some about that until Sarah starts crying that she doesn't want to hurt anyone from day one, and she obviously already did. Rachel camera-talks that Sarah needs to "step up her socialness." Hee. You just made that word up, you. Sarah bitches on about trust and now cries about her, yeah, family, and how they don't know her and they've known her for "seventeen years." What? They met her when she was two? She continues that she's only known these clowns for three "fucking" days, so forgive her. Now Sarah camera-talks that her parents don't like her. They have communication problems (what parents don't?), and they don't like her because they don't know her because they don't talk because poor me poor me poor me. Sarah now says "eighteen years" of bad relationships (man, this girl needs to figure out how long she's been alive) came to a head and her parents hated her when she came back from college and they cut her off financially. Now Sarah goes into crying, I-have-the-worst- home-life-so-I- deserve-to-be- however-I-want-to mode and says that she's not used to this and it's totally fucking culture shock and she's not used to living with five strangers (repeat, stupid: "none of us is") and they're going to have to give her some time and her parents fucked up. She's then adds a self-righteous "So maybe you guys don't know what that's like...I don't know." Man, when is the tribe going to speak? Now the kids camera-talk that they now understand Sarah and bleh blah bleh.
Morning. The boys psych themselves up and then they get a message on their MOTOROLA NEXTEL cell phone that the University of South Carolina Gamecocks (heeeeeeeeee!) would like to show them some Southern hospitality. Shane then repeats the word "Gamecock" with a straight face. Man, the puns are coming fast and furious; I said "straight face"! The kids go into a tavern and get a free meal and they chow down. Chow Down Montage. More eating. Then they're stuffed. Then the new Mission Mayors, Ron and Manasi come by and say they hope they saved room for dessert. Fuck off, Mayors. Don't you have a pothole to fix or something?
On a field, Ron says they could win this scooter, but it has an Italian name and I don't feel like giving the company another plug. Now they're inside and he's wearing a doctor's coat. He tells the kids the mission is "the famed" Freshman Fifteen. They have to gain fifteen pounds in four hours, as a group. Yikes. Kendal reminds us that they just ate a big meal. The rules are that they have to go knocking around and get food from students' rooms, but no take-out or even left over take out. Just crap private student stash. They also are only given about sixteen ounces of water to drink. The Manasi girl looks like Meadow Soprano, and seeing how big a media whore that girl has been lately, I wouldn't be surprised if this were her new gig. At least it's better than robbing NYU kids at knifepoint. That's not a good hobby for an off-season Soprano kid. The teams are split to Rachel, Shane, and Eric. Then Kendal, Sarah, and Darrell. They get weighed, which is really just another excuse to get the kids into their underwear. I'm not complaining. Shane is 165. Rachel is 129. Eric is 185. Darrell is 176. Kendal is 123.5. Sarah is 141. Wow. Shane is only twenty pounds heavier than Sarah. Also, now at least we can figure out exactly how much lighter the RV will be after Sarah leaves. The kids cheer, "Fat kids!" Ironically, that's a new Nickelodeon show, premiering this fall.
So the kids take off and start knocking on doors. If they knocked on my door in college...well, first of all I'd be high or drunk or both. Secondly, I'd only have Budweiser and maybe some chips to offer. But thirdly, I'd tell them to fuck off and get their own food. Some kid has Hot Pockets. Someone has ravioli. Someone has waffles. More eating. Eating. Kendal is happy because she wanted a Hot Pocket but was worried about the fat. Eating. Eating. This is kinda gross. Kendal burps as Sarah tells us everything they've eaten. Shane tells us he feels sick. The kids ride back down to the elevator, feeling sick. They decide to weigh themselves, halfway through. They all need 1.5 pounds more. Kendal is frustrating. There is talking here, but it's just so stupid. They lie around and bitch, Rachel assuming that the other girls aren't going to want to carry their weight, bad pun unintended. Rachel is going to be pissed if the other people are slacking. They go to look for more things to eat. I hope someone tells Rachel that pussy doesn't count. Commercials.
Eating. Eating. Rachel gags. Eric is sick. Kendal is sick. Shane eats canned peaches. Yuck. Eating. Sarah says that there is no way they can lose this. Yeah, because you'd be outta here then. Eric is making a burger on a George Foreman. Their team eats it. Then they're done. They arrive back downstairs and Sarah tells us that Kendal is two steps away from puking. The Mayors arrive back for the final weigh-in. Kendal gets up. She's 126.1. She gained 2.6 pounds. Rachel has to fart. She gained 3 pounds. Darrell gained 3.5 pounds. Eric gained 4 pounds. Sarah in her underwear gained 2.5. She points out very loudly that she pulled her sixth of the weight gain. And with just those five, they made their 15. They made it! They won the scooter! Why aren't you all cheering? Get up! Can't you feel the drama? No? Where are you going? Back to bed? No, don't. The best part is coming up. The part that B and M think will make them competitive with the other hot reality shows. Yes: the puking!
Eric pukes off a balcony. Rachel sticks her finger down her throat and pukes. Shane pukes. In a stall -- Sarah, a great role model to American kids everywhere -- says, "That was a really good puke." Eric comes into the bathroom. Shane is in the stall. Eric is very excited to make sure Shane saw him puking. He really needs Shane to see things fly out of his body. I don't know what that's about, exactly. Live and let live.
Now in a car or something, Sarah, Shane, and Eric are driving. They talk to the "Cast Cam." Shane says he and Eric were competing for Kendal, but he's lost because Eric and Kendal hooked up after just twenty-four hours. Sarah says something about it being cold but no one gives a shit about her anymore so they ignore her. Eric jokes that Shane came to snuggle and Sarah says that all three of them were snuggling and Eric says Shane came last night to get in bed with them and Shane jokes that Kendal was in their way, keeping the love that dare not speak its name (at least not on camera for the other frat boys to see) from happening. Sarah tries to get us all talking like her by saying that Eric wants Kendal's "nuts." She translates that it means Eric is sexually attracted to Kendal. You should just give up, Sarah. Quit trying so hard, honey. It's way too late. Eric goes on that Kendal is not into it right now so he's going to chill with other girls and try not to get into trouble.
Now they're at a club and Eric is dancing with some girl and Kendal watches, in full-on hair-pulling, face-scratching mode. She then camera-talks that she never gets jealous, but watching them dance, she felt threatened. She goes on that she doesn't want to care, but somehow she does. Oh, just shut up. Please. For once. All of you. Shut up! Shut the fuck -- Oh, it's over. Oh. Good. Um, never mind then.
Well, there is no "week on..." so, see you week. I'll be crying until then.