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We pick up right where we left off last week, so I'm not sure Bridget has even been in New York for three weeks, yet. The ultrasound shows that Bridget's womb is suffering from a surprising lack of baby. The ultrasound scene shows that Bridget is suffering from a surprising lack of poker face, especially when you consider that she is a recovering addict/ex-stripper/possible-prostitute. All three of those stations in life require acting chops, no? Besides all that, she is on the lam from the law and the lawless, has killed a man with a cop's gun and assumed her socialite twin's life. I mean, really, B. You're lucky my poor Andrew is too devastated to notice. Bridget explains away her unpregnancy (is too a word) by saying she did have a little spotting, but thought it was normal. Yay, that's over! Boo, that's over! Can you tell I'm torn? I truly believe the crazier this show gets, the better it will be, so part of me wants them to leave no shark unjumped (is too a word), but in my gut, I guess I think this is for the best. Buffy and I have enough to worry about.
At home Juliet seems genuinely saddened to learn that she won't have to share Daddy's time, love and money with a wee usurper -- not that she'll have access to Daddy's dosh for quite some time, anyhow. At school, Juliet puts the moves on Mr. "Logan Echolls" Carpenter. He wisely transfers her out of his class. By episode's end, though, Juliet joins an after-school club ("The Young Samaritans") that Logan leads. [Buckle up, kids. Daddy's putting the hammer down! --Spike]
Malcolm stupidly uses his credit card to pay for his hotel room. Bridget sneaks out to meet him. She tries to get him to stay in a better hotel. He tries to get her to run away with him. Oh, Malcolm. She's living on Park Ave. with Andrew, for heaven's sake. Sober up and get a clue. Bridget leaves him some money, which ends up right in his arm. When the cops see activity on his credit card, they go to the hotel and pick him up. Agent "Guyliner" Machado tells them to let him sleep it off and then set him free, because he's convinced Malcolm will lead them to Bridget.
Andrew wants to spend the day after the "miscarriage" with his bride, but Bridget can't squeeze him in, as she's spending much of the episode with her sponsors, one of whom is high as a kite most of the time, the other of whom has only involved himself in her life, in order to do her evil twin's evil bidding. Poor, sad Andrew goes into work and his partner, Olivia Charles, who pretends she has a soul, commiserates over the "miscarriage" and is a fabulous faker. Bridget should take poker face lessons from her. Ms. Charles is bluffin' with her muffin.
Bridget agrees to meet Malcolm at a café. Guyliner calls Bridget, because he thinks she's Siobhan, and tells her Malcolm is in town. Bridget wisely admits that she already knows, and that she's on her way out to meet Malcolm. Guyliner confronts her in lobby and persuades her to wear a wire (by threatening to tell Andrew about her affair with Tool Belt). Don't worry! Bridget has a waiter bring over a menu and clipped to it, is a note which reads:
I'm Wearing a Wire
Machado's Listening
And Watching
I love your Winnie the Pooh capitalization, but sheeesh, B, that was dumb. I mean, it is smart to tip off Malcolm, because he'd be confused by you pretending to be Shiv while talking to him, even if he wasn't back on the junk, but you just let a random waiter in on the fact that you're wearing a wire and tipping off your target. Couldn't you have stuffed the note in your purse and opened it and let Malcolm see it, that way? At any rate, the meeting nets nothing for Guyliner, who is pissed at "Shiv." Bridget is pissed right back at him though, because she knows Malcolm is using, and she can't believe Guyliner didn't get him any help. She then catches up with Malcolm, tells him she knows he's using and offers to help him. He refuses and takes off. Later, he happens back by what I believe is the same café, steals a tip off the table, and is spotted by a man I believe is the same waiter, and who probably still has the damned note. I need a glass of wine.
Meanwhile, in Paris, Tyler has to go to Rome on business, but can't convince Cora (Shiv) to come with him. Once he's gone, Shiv talks to NA Charlie, who -- by now, has met with Bridget and knows Malcolm is in town. Shiv wants NA Charlie to handle that situation, too. NA Charlie says he will, but he won't be handling it the same way he handled the Gemma situation. The writers are still teasing us with her fate, and good on them!
When Tyler's on his way out of Paris, Andrew calls and summons him to New York, instead. Andrew wants to promote Tyler, because he just canned Tyler's boss for losing transfer documents containing his (Andrew's) signature, which of course Tyler's boss didn't lose. Tyler lost them, because Shiv stole them from him.
Tyler meets Olivia and Andrew for dinner. Bridget, who knows she hasn't been giving Andrew enough attention, shows up. Just like everyone else, Tyler thinks she is Shiv (well, he thinks her name is Cora, but you know what I mean) and can't believe he's been sleeping with the boss's wife -- on the company's dime. He is furious and snide to Bridget, who finally gets to be the confused one. Later, he calls actual Siobhan (who is still in Paris) and reads her the riot act. Realizing what must have happened, she tells him they'll talk when she "gets back" to Paris, but Tyler tells her not to bother, and there goes her Sugar Daddy.
Malcolm reconsiders Bridget's offer of help. When he arrives at Park Ave., Andrew is gracious because he's my little love dumpling. Since Malcolm came to "Shiv's" aid when she fainted, Andrew is willing to do what he can. Bridget tucks Malcolm in for the night, and the day, she brings him to NA Charlie (instead of funding a stint in detox and rehab, which is arguably what he needs) for help. Oh Malcolm, you've just jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Run away. Run away while you still can. You must have decent insurance, from your professor gig! He doesn't listen to me. He's too busy listening to NA Charlie's lie: "You did the right thing coming here." Grrr argh.
I'll be back with the full weecap, tomorrow. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, where we can't read your...can't read your...no we can't read your poker face.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!We pick up right where we left off last week, so I'm not sure Bridget has even been in New York for three weeks, yet. In the hospital, the doctor says Bridget probably fainted due to vasovagal syncope, so it's no big deal (I've fainted with just that thing, twice, and it's not). When the doctor starts the ultrasound, she has trouble finding the fetus. Doc says that's because it's no bigger than a bean. No Doc, it's because there is no bean. When the doctor finally catches up with the audience, Bridget lamely offers that she did have some spotting, which she assumed was normal. The doctor speculates about an ectopic pregnancy and then shuts off the monitor, offers her sympathy for the Martins' loss and leaves them alone.
Park Ave.: Bridget apologizes to Andrew for the miscarriage. Andrew comforts her and tells her it's not her fault. A sweet, quiet, concerned Juliet brings Bridget some tea and asks her if it hurts, and what it feels like. Bridget: "It doesn't feel like anything...except sad." As soon as Andrew and Juliet leave Bridget to rest, Malcolm calls and tells her he's in room 610 of the motor inn on 95th, and that he needs to see her. Once Andrew is asleep, Bridget sneaks out.
Motor Inn: Malcolm and Bridget hug. She thought he was dead. He thought so too. I was actively praying for his death, at some points. I hope now that he's in New York, his story won't bore me so. Mal tells Bridget that Macawi held him for a week. When he finally broke free, he led Macawi to Seattle, before sneaking off to New York. He seems sure he wasn't followed. Don't be so sure of anything on this show, Malcolm. He wants Bridget to leave New York with him. She says she can't because she threw "Bridget" under the bus, by making the cops believe Bridget is involved in Gemma's disappearance.
Bridget wants to move Malcolm to a safer motel. He's pretty disgusted with her though, and just tells her to just go. She hands him some money and asks if he's okay. He tells her he just traveled 2,000 miles after getting his ass handed to him. "Cut me some slack, okay?" Then he gives her her six month sobriety chip, which seems like a continuity error, since in last week's episode, "Oh Gawd There's Two Of Them" we saw a flashback labeled "Nine months ago," and in it, Mal and Bridget where having their cake and um...eating it too, in celebration of her first three months of sobriety. Did she fall off the wagon after that, or did the writers? At any rate, Malcolm wants her to have it, so she won't forget who she is. Bridget walks out, and then does that stupid thing where she stares at the closed door for a moment from the other side. Title Card.
Park Ave.: Bridget looks in the mirror. I always like to think of these mirror scenes as her channeling her inner Shiv, but this time she then looks down at the sobriety chip and flashes back to her first NA Meeting. Machado was watching her in the meeting, from the doorway. Bridget looks for all the world like Cave Slayer, here. Just remember, Bridget: Fire? Bad. Beer? Foamy.
Back in the present: Andrew's waiting outside the bathroom when Bridget exits. He's taken the day off so he can spend time with her, but she lies that she has a follow-up doctor's appointment. When Andrew says he'll go with her, Bridget says she'd rather go alone. Andrew says they should be together at a time like this, but Bridget says she feels the need to do it by herself. Andrew looks wounded.
School: Mr. "Logan Echolls" Carpenter is teaching a lesson on Of Mice and Men. When Juliet offers a correct answer, Tessa Toughbitch gives her a hard time. Juliet gives it right back, though. After calls, Juliet asks Logan if he can do something about Tessa -- something more than "a talking to." There are no flies on Logan, so he keeps his end of the conversation curt and professional. Juliet tries to play on his sympathy, telling him about how her father pulled her trust fund 'til she's 25, and about her step-mother's miscarriage. Logan reminds her she can talk to someone in the guidance office, if need be. Juliet tilts her head. "What if I want to talk to you?" When Logan doesn't answer, she tells him there's a revival theater in the Village that's showing Of Mice and Men that weekend. Logan: "I have the DVD." Juliet: "Maybe I can come over and watch it sometime?" Logan: "You're going to be late for your first class." So far, Logan, you get an A for effort, in sex scandal avoidance. I can't even make myself link to the current, real world school sex scandal, because it makes me cry. [Someone with a soul did this? --Buffy]
Martin/Charles Financial: Andrew tells Olivia that he has fired the head of European Operations for losing transfer documents with Andrew's signature on them. "He's blaming it on his subordinates, but I think he's lying." Oh but Andrew, he is so not lying! He also confides in Olivia that Siobhan miscarried. Olivia gives great poker face, and tells Andrew he should go home and be with his wife. Andrew: "I offered, but she wasn't interested. I guess she's dealing with it in her own way." They talk some more and when Andrew confesses he'd warmed up to the idea of having a baby, Olivia asks if they can try again. Andrew: "That's a very good question."
Motor Inn: Malcolm hustles into his room, takes his drugs and works out of a brown paper bag, and shoots up. If only Sarah McLachlan's "In the Arms of the Angels," were playing.
Park Ave.: Juliet answers the phone. It's Henry "Tool Belt" Butler, looking for Shiv. When Juliet says Shiv has a doctor's appointment, Tool Belt nods and mutters something about it being her first ultrasound. Juliet: "Oh, I guess you didn't hear. Siobhan lost the baby." I can't even feel bad for Tool Belt here, can you?
Outdoor Cafe: Bridget meets with NA Charlie: While he catches her up on (some of) what he found in Gemma's car, she tunes him out and we flashback to...
Seven Months Ago, Rock Springs, Wyoming: Malcolm asks Bridget how long she's been clean. Bridget snickers. "What time is it?" Malcolm says all that matters is that she's there. When Bridget says she's only there because she has to be, Malcolm asks her what her poison was and says, "Mine was heroin." Bridget replies, "Crushing and snorting," and I'm sorry I'm lacking in druggie-ese, so I'm just going to assume heroin may have been her poison too, because when Malcolm deems that, "Creative," Bridget replies that she doesn't like needles. Malcolm more or less offers to be her sponsor before we return to the...
Outdoor Cafe, Present Day: NA Charlie knows Bridget spaced out on him so he calls her on it. She tells him her old sponsor is town. Charlie flirts it up, like she's trying to break up with him. Bridget promises that's not going to happen. She's just stressed because having Malcolm in town could complicate things. Besides all the Gemma intrigue, she and her husband have been "going through some stuff." Way to underplay it. Charlie reminds her to just be honest and gives her some more NA slogans.
Once Bridget is gone, he calls Shiv in Paris (where it is daytime), and reports that Malcolm is in NYC. Shiv tells him to make sure Malcolm doesn't mess things up. Charlie: "Just so you know, I'm gonna take a different approach with this guy. The Gemma thing got way out of hand." Details, Charlie! We need details and onscreen confirmation. Charlie continues: "When I signed onto this job, I didn't know that you were gonna make me..." Shiv tells him to spare her the details. See? She's definitely the evil twin.
When Shiv ends the call with Charlie, Tyler comes out of the bathroom, wrapped only in a towel, but even though he's physically beautiful, he does nothing for me. I think because I don't like the character. I'm happy for SMG, though. Her work days are sure easy on the eyes. Tyler tries to tempt Shiv into coming to Rome with him, but she refuses and tells him he needs to concentrate on work. They kiss and she tells him to hurry and get dressed so he doesn't miss his plane. Once she's alone, she opens the drawer in her bedside table to gaze longingly at a picture of Tool Belt. Her positive pregnancy test stick lies just to the left of it. I think her fondness for Tool Belt is supposed to make her sympathetic to me, but it just furthers my contempt.
Paris, Night: When Tyler's on his way to the airport, he gets a call from Andrew, who is still in New York, where it is also night. Now look, Paris is six hours ahead of New York, so while it's possible for it to be dark in both places at the same time, it was broad daylight when Shiv was encouraging Ty to get dressed so he wouldn't miss his flight, so this is all just silly. [Muahahahahahaha. --Continuity Demon] Anyhow, Andrew informs him Ty that he's just canned his boss, and that he would like to put Tyler in as the new head of European Operations. He tells Ty to cancel his trip to Rome and fly to New York, instead. Oh man. Wait 'til he sees Bridget!
Park Ave: Tool Belt shows up to find out if NA Charlie found any clues in Gemma's car. He also admits Juliet told him about the baby. "You must be relieved." When Bridget asks why he'd say that, Henry says, "Well, because it ties everything up in a nice little bow. You know? Problem solved." Bridget: "That's a really ugly thing to say." Well yeah, because TOOL BELT! Henry: "Why? It's the truth, Siobhan. You know, I guess I should be grateful [for] closure." Bridget reminds him they already said goodbye. Henry explains that he hoped that when the baby came, Shiv would change her mind, but now he knows it's over. Haven't we heard that song before?
Motor Inn: A wasted Mal is watching infomercials while his head bounces like a bobble-head toy. He gets a call from Bridget (coming from Shiv's phone), but there's a knock at the door. When the visitors introduce themselves as NYPD, he starts to close the door. The cops push their way in and push Malcolm down on the bed, as they say a lot of people have been looking for him. I don't think that gives them grounds to force their way in like that, does it?
Copy Shop: Agent Guyliner interviews Malcolm. The cops found drugs on him, and Guyliner is disappointed. "I thought you had this beat, man What happened? We've known each other, what -- seven months, now?" [Muahahahahaha. --Continuity Demon] Guyliner: "You've been been nothing but honest and reliable -- a dependable sponsor, and now you're skipping town and getting high. By the way, if you really want to stay hidden, don't pay for your hotel with a credit card." Mal asks who he'd be hiding from. Guyliner knows it's Macawi. "He's responsible for the way you look, right? He beat you. Did you tell him where Bridget is?" When Mal says he doesn't know where Bridget it, Guyliner begs him to trust him, and reminds him they can put Macawi away. Mal says, "Who'd believe me? I'm a drug addict."
Guyliner brings the conversation back to Bridget and asks why Mal's in New York. He says he knew Bridget met up with Shiv, but now she's gone. "I can't find her. No one can." Guyliner reminds Mal he's trying to protect Bridget. Mal sneers even as he nods. "Right, you're selflessly trying to come to her rescue. You need Bridget." Guyliner doesn't deny that, but he knows Bridget will reach out to Mal and some point. "And when you do hear from her, I just hope you do the right thing." Guyliner leaves Mal in the interview room, and tells a detective to hold him over night, but then set him loose. The detective points out they have enough to charge him with possession. Guyliner isn't interested in a drug bust. He's sure Mal will lead them to Bridget.
Park Ave: Juliet joins Bridget in the living room. They watch TV and have a little bonding time. Juliet is sweet and sympathetic. Andrew lurks outside the room and eavesdrops. Juliet admits at first that she wasn't thrilled about the baby at first, but then she started thinking it would be cool to have a younger sibling. Andrew, who remains out of view, smiles at that. Juliet asks, "Do you think you and Daddy are going to try again, or...?" Bridget: "I don't think so. I really just...I want things to go back to the way they were." Juliet again gets to utter the episode title: "Maybe we could get a dog, instead." Bridget grins and nods. Andrew is upset.
Park Ave., Morning: Bridget asks Andrew for a lunch late later in the day. Andrew keeps his nose in the newspaper. "Do you mind? I'm reading." Bridget asks him what's wrong. Andrew says he's just doing what she wants, going back to the way things were. Bridget: "When did I say that?" Andrew: "To Juliet, last night. I heard you two talking." Bridget: "We really need to get some doors in this place." She explains she just wants to get back to normal, like it was, "...before Gemma. Before my sister. Trust me, that last thing that I want is to be playing games." Andrew doesn't believe her, because she blew him off yesterday morning, and he heard her tell Juliet she doesn't want to try for another baby. Bridget: "Because I thought it was too soon." Andrew: "Siobhan, we talked about it. This baby changed things, and without it, I just don't know where we stand." When she gets a call from Malcolm, Andrew tells her to take it, as he's leaving for work. Bridget asks if they can talk later. Andrew says he has a business dinner, and he knows how much she hates those things. Bridget says she doesn't. She just wants them to spend time together. Andrew: "Well, you've got a very funny way of showing it." Oh, his boo boo kitty feelings are all hurt.
Finally alone, Bridget takes Malcolm's call. He's still at the cop shop and looks like he's hurting. He says he needs to see her. Bridget tells him to meet her at a nearby coffee shop. She gets in the elevator and her phone rings again. It's Machado. He tells her Malcolm is in New York. Bridget wisely admits that she already knows, and that she's on her way out to meet Mal. Guyliner confronts her in her building lobby and persuades her to wear a wire (only after threatening to tell Andrew about her affair with Tool Belt).
Cafe: Malcolm is a mess when Bridget shows up, pretending to be Shiv, which confuses the hell out of drug-addled Mal. Guyliner and a detective are parked in a nearby van, monitoring video and audio feeds of the little sting. Bridget accidentally on purpose spills her coffee on her pants She excuses herself but soon returns. A waiter comes over and opens a menu in front of Mal. Clipped to it is a note which reads:
I'm Wearing a Wire
Machado's Listening
And Watching
I love your Winnie the Pooh capitalization, but sheeesh, B, that was dumb. I mean, it is smart to tip off Malcolm, because he'd be confused by you pretending to be Shiv while talking to him, even if he wasn't back on the junk, but you just let a random waiter in on the fact that you're wearing a wire and tipping off your target. Couldn't you have stuffed the note in your purse and opened it and let Malcolm see it, that way? Whatever. Now that he understands, Malcolm can play along. He's says he's in the dark about Bridget and was hoping Shiv could fill him in.
The meeting nets nothing for Guyliner. Bridget reads him the Riot Act for not helping an obviously drugged-out Malcolm, and leaves the surveillance van in disgust after Guyliner is all he's not my job about Mal. She then catches up with Malcolm, tells him she knows he's using and offers to help him. He's bitter. "I'm sorry. Am I talking to Bridget or Siobhan?" He tells her she's starting to like living Siobhan's life. Bridget grabs him and tells him this isn't about her. It's about him, right now, because he's using. At first he denies it, but then he tells her that Macawi drugged him, hoping that the withdrawal would make him give up Bridget. He swears he can beat it, though. Bridget asks to help him. Malcolm wants money. She won't give it to him. She tries to get him to work the 12 Steps, but he's too much in the thick of it to agree. He takes off.
School: Juliet comes to Logan in a fury. He's transferred her out of his class. Juliet: "I thought you liked me." Logan: "I do, just not that way. You're a good kid, Juliet. This is for the best. You should get going. Seventh period is about to start." Smart, smart man, Logan.
Restaurant: Tyler has dinner with Olivia and Andrew. Ty's talking about his high-maintenance-but-worth-it-girlfriend, when who walks in but Bridget. Andrew rises to his feet and kisses her, while she apologizes. "I hope you don't mind. Your assistant told me where you were." Andrew is thrilled and introduces his "wife" to Tyler. Tyler's all, "Your...wife?" Bridget, clueless, flashes Tyler a bright smile, sits to him, and shakes his hand. "Hi, I'm Siobhan Martin." Wheeeeeee!
Restaurant: When the waiter is unable to fill Andrew and Olivia's orders for filet mignon, he returns to the table, which gives Tyler a moment to address Bridget, who he thinks is Siobhan, whom he knows as Cora. Got that? Good, because it's making me damned dizzy. He hisses at her: "I didn't realize I was sleeping with the boss's wife." Bridget: "Excuse me?" Tyler: "Is that why you told me your name was Cora?" Andrew and Olivia's orders are all sorted now, so Andrew asks, "So, what did we miss?" Oh love, you don't even want to know.
New York Streets, Night: Malcolm passes by what seems to be the same sidewalk cafe where he and Bridget met earlier in the day. He watches as a patron takes out a stack of bills and leaves them on the table. Malcolm swipes the money and walks off. Unfortunately, he's spotted by a waiter, and even more unfortunately, it appears to be the same waiter who gave him Bridget's note about how Guyliner had her wearing a wire. Oh, Malcolm. Crime doesn't pay.
Car: Andrew tells Bridget he's glad she came to dinner. She means what she says -- no more games and no more old Andrew and Siobhan. She wants this marriage to work -- baby or no baby. Andrew: "Me, too." Kiss again, you two fools.
Paris: Siobhan is woken by the phone. "Tyler?" He says, "Well, I'm surprised you even answered, Siobhan." She's all, "Excuse me?" Tyler: "No wonder you didn't want to go to Rome with me. Too busy flying to New York to see your husband. You are an amazing actress -- three full courses of pretending we never met." Siobhan realizes what's going on, so she tries to finagle her way out of things and lies that she's coming back to Paris, tomorrow. Tyler says not to bother, and to find herself a new hotel. "Martin/Charles is done bankrolling your stay." She tries to reason with him, but he hangs up on her. Commercial.
Park Ave. Lobby: Andrew and Bridget arrive to find a strung out Malcolm waiting in their lobby. He says he might need some help. Bridget introduces the men. Up in the penthouse, Andrew asks Mal why he didn't tell Andrew the other night at the hospital that he was Shiv's sister's friend. Malcolm: "You wife needed help. It just didn't seem important." Bridget pulls Andrew aside and asks if they can give Mal a place to stay for the night. She then flashes back to three months ago. She's with Malcolm, who hands Bridget a phone and tells her making amends, while scary, is vital. She calls. "Hey, Siobhan, it's Bridge." Back in the present, Andrew says, "Shiv, the man helped you out. That's all the convincing I need." Bridget and I are so in LOVE with him. Seriously, look at Bridget's little smile there. She is twitter-pated! And? I don't blame her. They clasp hands. I hold my own hand and pretend Andrew is mine.
Bridget brings Malcolm some linens and a trash can (just in case) in his bedroom. Andrew checks in and asks if everything is squared away. Malcolm smiles at Bridget. "It's okay. Go to bed." Bridget asks Andrew for a minute. When they're alone, Malcolm says he doesn't want to mess anything up for her. Bridget assures him he won't. "Malcolm, I need you to know that no matter where I am, or who you think I am, I'm always here for you." That said, do NOT screw up what I've got going on with this fine Welshman. That last part is just implied.
School, Day: Logan is leading an extra-curricular club, "The Young Samaritans." Juliet watches through the door window for a moment, before entering. She smiles at Logan who is surprised to see her. "This club's open to anyone, right?" Logan looks around and nods. "Of course. Come in." She's so tricksy! I love it.
Bridget and Malcolm walk down the hallway of some building as she tells him he's going to get through this. She knocks on an apartment door. NA Charlie answers. "Siobhan?" Bridget says, "This is my friend Malcolm. He needs my help, and I need yours." Charlie reaches for Mal's hand. "Hi Malcolm. I'm Charlie. You did the right thing coming here. Come on in." Oh Malcolm, no you didn't. Run away. Run away. Charlie is EVIL! Once Bridget and Mal are inside, Charlie looks out the door to see if he's being punked. Title card.
There were some nice twists this week. I wish I had time to dig into stuff a little, but I'm fresh out. I'll be back week with the recaplet of "Shut Up And Eat Your Bologna." Ha. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, where we can't read your...can't read your...no we can't read your poker face.