In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Gemma is still on the rage-fueled tear that started in the Hampton's, when she overheard Henry and Bridget discussing the affair and "Shiv's" pregnancy. She reviews their holiday videos, as she tries to come to terms with Henry's infidelity and decide if she's dealing with Bridget or Siobhan. When she spots footage of Shiv sporting the scar she got when she burnt herself in cooking class, she tracks down Bridget, examines her wrist, and decides Bridget's confession is truthful, if incredible.
Gemma, understandably, wants a divorce, but she doesn't want Henry to get a dime of her money. There's an infidelity clause in the Bickerson's pre-nup. If Gemma can get irrefutable proof that Henry cheats, she can get rid of him, while keeping her money and full custody of their twins. She has done her research on Bridget and knows she's a "drug addict, stripper, whore." Gemma has made plans to be out for the evening, and gives Bridget an ultimatum: sleep with Henry, by midnight, or Gemma will give both Andrew and Agent Machado an earful.
Bridget resists, because why go out for burgers when you have prime rib at home. She resists taking a handful of whatever pills she finds in the Martin's penthouse, too, and goes off to an NA meeting in Brooklyn, where she meets a new potential sponsor. That's probably a good thing, as Macawi is still holding Malcolm prisoner back in Wyoming, and still shooting him full of junk. I liked Malcolm early on, but if this is all they're going to have him do, they should just kill him off and wrap up the Wyoming wing of the story. Anyhow, Juliet follows Bridget, who she assumes has gone to NA to find a way to ship her (Juliet) off to rehab.
Later, Bridget meets up with Henry at the bar he used to frequent with Shiv, when their affair was hot and heavy. She warns him of Gemma's plan to catch him in the act, keep the money, the house, and the kids. She tells him to go home, make up with Gemma and resolve to love her again. When Henry says he can't live a lie, Bridget tells him she is out of moves and then goes home to clean up Juliet's mess.
Speaking of Juliet's mess -- the wicked stepdaughter is back, and raising Cain. While she was drying out at Mummy's in Miami, she learned that Andrew took up with Siobhan before his divorce. Juliet gets trashed and she and her friend, Erica, trash the Park Ave. penthouse -- scrawling WHORE on that ginormous black and white photo of Shiv's face (seeing this induces Gemma's only organic smile in this episode). If I were Bridget, I'd be grateful for that graffiti -- as it seems to be a great excuse to get rid of the picture. Is it just me? Who has a picture of themselves that big in their own home? I mean, I know it's Shiv, not Bridget, but still... Shudder.
Anyhow, Bridget rifles through Juliet's stuff, looking for drugs. Andrew thinks this is out of line. As a parent, I'm dumbfounded by his respect for his underage daughter's privacy -- particularly when she's making no secret of drinking and drugging. My kids know I won't hesitate to go through their stuff whenever the mood strikes. If they were acting out like Juliet, their little booties would already be warming a rehab bed, and I'd be searching their rooms more furiously than if I was on a quest for the Holy Grail. Take note, my children. Oh and I told you, you're not allowed to read my write-ups. This recaplet is only PG-13 by happy accident. Close the browser; clear the history and cache; we'll pretend this never happened, provided it doesn't happen again.
Andrew begs Bridget to stay out of this. He's got a plan -- a Machiavellian scheme -- to deal with fair Juliet. He's enrolled her in public school, because everyone knows that New York City public school students never drink and drug. Ever. I don't know. Andrew's plan just cracks me up -- the whole subplot between him and Juliet does. In Andrew's conversations with Juliet, his attitude is all you're not really an addict, because you're too good for that, as if addiction respects socio-economic class and breeding. It's doubly amusing in an episode in which Bridget is trying, in her own convoluted way, to work the 12 Steps, all the while deceiving nearly everyone with whom she comes in contact. I can't decide if the show is having Andrew be particularly obtuse, or if they've decided Juliet is not an addict. Perhaps she's not. There are substance abusers who are not true addicts -- at least at first -- but since Bridget feels a bond with Juliet because of her drugginess (is too a word), it seems to me that, where the narrative is concerned, Juliet ought to be an addict, not simply a kid acting out.
By the episode's end, Bridget and Andrew have retrieved Juliet from a nightclub, and Bridget has apologized for sleeping with Andrew while he was still married. Gemma seems like she might let Bridget off the hook, at least until her asshat husband calls her and tells her "Shiv" told him Gemma's plan to nail him. While Bridget gets Juliet home, Andrew stops at a store, because he's a victim of contrivance -- um... I mean to get something for his daughter's aching head. That's when Gemma calls him. She needs him to come over to her place, right now. "Please? It's an emergency."
While Bridget and a newly agreeable Juliet scrub the WHORE off of Shiv's picture (a nice use of imagery), Andrew heads over to the Bickerson's Gramercy Park pad. A shaken and breathless Henry answers the door and says Gemma hasn't been home all night. Andrew asks if he can come in and wait for her, but Henry won't let him. "I've got some work I've got to do." What, clean up her blood? OH HOLY HEMOGLOBIN, BATMAN. He does have to clean up her blood. Or someone's blood. Once Andrew is gone, we follow Henry through the Bickerson's abode. There's a fallen lamp, a broken vase, an old picture of Gemma lying on the floor, and a (too perfect) bloody handprint on the wall. As Henry climbs the stairs, he passes another bigger, less artful bloodstain. Grrr Argh.
Siobhan is not in this episode, neither is Agent Machado, but there wasn't room or reason for either of them, so while I was disappointed not to see them, their absence makes sense. I can't believe Henry killed Gemma! Well, I can, for a lot of reasons. Gemma caught onto Bridget's secret much earlier than I expected. She was a walking time bomb. It's too bad that she's probably dead, but probably killing her off was a good choice by the writers. Don't forget, though, this is a soap opera, so we can't count on Gemma being dead - at least until we see her lifeless body. And really, with some soaps? You can't count on a person being dead until you've seen them buried. And there's a whole different set of rules for Days of our Lives fans, but I digress.
I'll be back with the full weecap, tomorrow. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread. We're so sorry for writing WHORE on your picture, that we've already scrubbed it off.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hi and welcome back! I've been awfully worried about my pretty little guilty pleasure. Ringer isn't faring too well in the ratings. This week was better than last week's low point. Is it me? Am I not watching hard enough? Where's Willow? I need a spell or a ritual to perform, to help out as I can. I'm thinking about something that involves watching while taking a bubble bath, sipping champagne, and eating chocolate covered strawberries. (No, there will not be photos, and that's a kindness, believe me.) I don't think the cable will reach into the bathroom, but I can ask my husband to MacGyver up something. OH WAIT! Good news. Ringer just got picked up for the back 9. I think I'm going to take myself up on that champagne and chocolate covered strawberries bubble bath date, right now. Be back in a little while...
Six hours later...
I'm having a hard time starting this off, and not just because my fingers have turned into prunes. I'm torn on where to begin. I want to talk about the big thing that happened at the end, but I know some of you rely on these weecaps to fill you in when you've missed an episode. However, all I can think about is the aforementioned big thing that happened at the end. Oh all right. You know I'm a sucker for your doe eyes. I'll try to be (somewhat) orderly. Spoilsports. No bubbles for you!
Our opening montage is about the same as always. Juliet is in it again, because she's back from Miami. Oh and the bitch-slapping/whore-calling scene has been added to the montage, too. Wheeee! Anyhow, Andrew and Bridget are driving back from the Hamptons. Henry is in the backseat. Pity. The trunk must be full of luggage and birthday presents. When Bridget can only get through to Gemma's voice mail, Henry asks "Shiv" if she said anything to Gemma that could have made her leave. Bridget flashes back to the big bitch-slapping, whore-calling, twin-switcheroo-revealing scene from last week. There's new footage of Bridget following Gemma out of the beach house, pleading with Gemma to believe her. Gemma thinks this is Shiv, lying to her. "You know, I married a first class liar, but you are the gold standard. It's pathetic, really."
Park Ave: As they arrive home, Andrew assures Bridget that everything will turn out okay. When the elevator doors open, the first thing they see is that ginormous black and white of Shiv's face, but this time. There's a little color added to it, and boy does it pop. Someone has scrawled WHORE across it, in bright red, just like that. Here's my favorite Internet recreation of the scene, courtesy of Nick Walsh. Seriously, Nick. You just created my new happy place. I can't even... <3 <3 <3
Juliet is back from Miami, and she hasn't just trashed step-mommy's paean to her own vanity, she's trashed the penthouse and her liver, too. Of course Bridget doesn't realize that, at first. She thinks this is step one in Gemma's revenge, but this is just child's play. Andrew kicks out Juliet's friend, Erica, and wakes up a passed out Juliet. Daddy wants to know why Juliet is back early from her mother's place in Miami. Andrew, I am already in love with you, but your first question when your underage daughter is passed out, and there's a keg in the kitchen, and WHORE scrawled across your wife's tacky photo is about... a change in itinerary? He gets to the other issues eventually, but only in a surface way. He doesn't comprehend her motive for the graffiti on Shiv's photo. "I don't understand, I thought you two were getting along." Juliet puts on her coat. "Dad, she held my hair back while I was puking. We're hardly besties."
My friend Theresa notes: "If someone holds your hair while you are sick, you lose the right to be mean to them ever again. Juliet, I'm talking to you." Andrew insists Juliet apologize and find some respect for the family. When Juliet is defiant, Andrew says they need to go back to therapy. Juliet says that's his answer for everything, and storms off. Once, when I was in high school, I got in a snit about something (and I assure you, there were no keg parties at my parents' house, or I wouldn't have lived to tell the tale). I tried to storm out of the house. My mother grabbed me by the hair and pulled me back in. Now don't go calling Child Protective Services. First of all, we're way past the statute of limitations. Secondly, I not only deserved it; I knew better. Thirdly, she didn't hurt me. She was just reaching for whatever she could grab. I had long hair. She has short arms. It was a no-brainer. Suffice it to say, I did not leave the house that night, or, if memory serves, for quite a few nights thereafter. And I had never even scrawled WHORE on anyone's picture, or, in fact, anywhere at all, until this weecap, that is. Now I can't seem to stop. WHORE WHORE WHORE. The imaginary Andrew who lives in my lingerie drawer, pops he head out and suggests we try therapy. I am about to yell, "That's your answer for everything," when I look at him there, all cute and disheveled yet still dapper, and instead, I squish him to my bosom. There, there, pet. It will be okay.
Gramercy Park, The Bickerson's: Bridget is trying to reach Gemma and keeps getting voice mail. Gemma can't come to the phone right now, because she is reviewing her holiday videos. Poor thing spots signs she never saw in person, as Shiv and Henry make eyes at each other behind Gemma and Andrew's backs. Henry comes in and bitches about Gemma ditching him in the Hamptons and adds that everyone is worried about her. When Gemma says she doubts it, Henry asks her what's going on. "Did uh...did Siobhan say something to you? Did you guys have a fight? You can be honest with me." Gemma: "You want me to be honest with you?" Henry: "Yeah. I do." Gemma can't peel her eyes from the video on her laptop long enough to engage in conversation with this tool, though. When she spots footage of Shiv sporting the scar she got when she burnt herself in cooking class, Gemma zooms in on it, shuts her laptop, and walks out of the room, telling Henry to give her some space. Once he's alone, Henry sees the mail, including a bulky envelope. Affixed to his manuscript, inside, is a note on Rodenbeck Publishing stationery that reads only: "Call me."
Park Ave.: Andrew is cleaning up the mess in his office, when Bridget comes in and announces she's going to go looking for Gemma. He tells her Juliet stormed off again. When Bridget asks if she can help, Andrew says she'll come back, eventually. He tells her that he saw Bridget taking care of Juliet the night she got sick, and that he was really touched. "But then something happened. I just don't know what her problem is." Bridget thinks she does and proceeds to ransack Juliet's room. When Andrew says he confiscated her drugs weeks ago, Bridget's all, "And you don't think she got her hands on more, doofus?" [Paraphrase.] She then displays more drug knowledge -- and definitely more concern for Juliet -- than the real Shiv would likely have, so she covers by telling Andrew she had a cousin who was a substance abuser. "It didn't end well."
Andrew is more of a civil libertarian than I would have expected, given how he's not averse to issuing orders to the women in his life. I'm repeating myself from the recaplet here, but I just shake my head every time I watch him express concern over Juliet's right to privacy. Speaking as a parent, I'm dumbfounded by his attitude -- particularly when she's making no secret of drinking and drugging. My kids know I won't hesitate to go through their stuff whenever the mood strikes. If they were acting out like Juliet, their little booties would already be warming a rehab bed, and I'd be searching their rooms more furiously than if I was on a quest for the Holy Grail. Bridget plays the pregnancy card again, to reemphasize that with a baby on the way, if Juliet is going to remain under their roof, drugs are out of the question. Andrew understands, but asks Bridget to let him handle it in his own way.
New York, Exterior, Day: As Bridget is sending Gemma a text asking where she is, Gemma confronts her right out on the street. She wastes no timing grabbing Bridget's wrist and examining it. When there's no scar to be found, she knows she's dealing with Bridget, and explains the origins of Siobhan's scar. Bridget asks if they can go somewhere and talk.
Club Caged, Rock Springs, Nevada: Okay, Club Caged? Seriously? There is all sorts of red, neon Live Nude Girls signage on the front, so that people don't confuse it with a fireplace screen retailer, I guess. Down in the dungeon, a couple of Macawi's minions continue to menace Malcolm and dose him up again.
Park Ave.: Juliet arrives home drinking a big iced coffee and talking on her cell phone. When she gets to her room, she realizes it has been searched. She bitches to whoever she's talking to that she knows this must have been Shiv's doing as her father would never invade her privacy like that. She then marches to Shiv's dressing room, pulls out her wedding dress, rips off some of the bling, pours something (booze, cologne, I don't even know) all over it. She throws some other shoes clothes and bags atop the pile. She almost, unknowingly, pulls the gun down, when she's grabbing a purse off the back shelf. That reveal will have to wait for another day. What stops Juliet in her tracks right now is something far less ominous -- a Narcotics Anonymous pamphlet. Juliet's all, "Holy crap! I gotta go."
Outdoor Cafe: Gemma can't believe Siobhan killed herself. Of course there was a lot she didn't know about old Shiv, who Gemma claims was like a sister to her. Bridget's all like a sister -- she was my sister, but much more gently and only in so many words. Gemma doesn't know what to feel anymore. She asks Bridget if the baby was Henry's for sure. When Bridget says she doesn't know, Gemma asks how long Bridget has been pretending to be Shiv. Shiv says two weeks. Thank you, writers. I've been wondering about a timeline. Gemma doesn't know Bridget from a hole in the wall, so she has no trouble expressing her outrage that Bridget could assume her own sister's life like this. Bridget explains that Macawi wants her dead and she was desperate. Gemma is not impressed, and why should she be? Commercial.
Brooklyn, NA Meeting: Bridget tells the truth to her group without really telling the truth. Cute guy to her reminds her that making amends is a step crucial to recovery. Bridget knows lying is bad, but the truth here is so much worse that she's sort of stuck. After the meeting, Cute Guy introduces himself as Charlie. He's been sober four years and just switched to this meeting from one in Flushing. As the two chitchat, Juliet arrives, pamphlet in hand. She spies on Bridget for a few minutes -- scooting out once she realizes "Shiv" is getting ready to leave.
Club Caged: Malcolm appears to wake and stumble his way out of the dungeon below and the club above, but it's only a dream. When he really wakes, he's still in his cell. He moans. He groans. I try to care. I moan. I groan.
Park Ave., Suppertime: Andrew makes Juliet apologize for ruining the wedding dress. Bridget thanks her, and says she's more worried about Juliet than the dress. Andrew explains they've had a little talk and things are going to be better, now. Juliet sets out to prove him wrong, and outs Bridget for taking the train to Brooklyn, to attend an NA Meeting. She makes it clear she's not going to rehab. "I'm not some low-life, degenerate addict loser." No, you're a spoiled brat degenerate loser. Whether you're an addict or just a substance abuser remains to be seen. Juliet slams the pamphlet down and swans off. Andrew asks Bridget to let him handle this. "Please. Trust me. I have a plan."
The elevator dings and Gemma arrives in the penthouse. She sees the addition to Shiv's portrait, and chuckles to herself. Bridget quietly freaks when Gemma tells Andrew she needs to talk to them. Bridget asks to speak with Gemma alone, but Gemma wants to talk to them both. "What I have to say is a game changer." This is all a misdirect, though. She just wants off the loft project. She pleads being overwhelmed. Bridget breathes again as Henry expresses his disappointment. Once he leaves the ladies alone, Bridget smiles and thanks Gemma. Gemma says not to thank her yet. Out on the roof/terrace/whatever, Gemma makes sure Bridget understands how badly she's been hurt by Henry's infidelity. "He was the love of my life. I gave my whole heart and he just crushed it." FORESHADOWING? Ahem. Sorry. I'm trying to be good. Gemma wants a divorce, but she doesn't want Henry to get a dime of her money. There's an infidelity clause in the Bickerson's pre-nup. If Gemma can get irrefutable proof that Henry cheats, she can get rid of him, while keeping her money and full custody of their twins. Gemma has made plans to be out tomorrow evening, and gives Bridget an ultimatum: "I want you to sleep with my husband, or I'll tell everyone who you really are." Commercial.
Park Ave., Day: Bridget stares at WHORE graffiti on Shiv's picture, and only just suppresses a Buffy boo-boo face. She starts scrubbing at it -- with her bare hand, which seems futile. I guess Juliet used lipstick or Cray-Pas or something, because all she manages to do is smear the red around. We cut to the bathroom. Now in tears, Bridget is holding a bottle of pills. She tries to call Malcolm. He's passed out in his dungeon cage, but when he hears the phone he struggles to his feet. He can't get to it though, so he just sort of slumps there as he face bangs against the fencing. Bridget leaves a message: "Malcolm, where are you? Why aren't your answering my calls. I'm suffocating. I can't do this. I need your help. Will you please call me?" Once she hangs up the phone she looks in the mirror and asks herself what she's doing. She closes her eyes and dumps the pills down the drain.
Later, Bridget meets up with Charlie at an outdoor cafe and confesses that she almost took a handful of pills. When Charlie asks Bridget to tell her more about her problem, she says, "Either I do something that I know is wrong -- to save my family -- or I risk losing it all. It's a no-win." They discuss relapse. Charlie needs more details if he's going to give useful advice, but just going on what he has, he reminds her that she has to take the road that's going to preserve her dignity, because addicts feed on shame. When he asks if that helps, Bridget smiles and says it does. He offers to be her sponsor. Bridget thanks him but says she already has one. Charlie: "Really? Where was your sponsor when you almost broke today?"
Gramercy Park: Gemma overhears Henry on the phone. When he gets off, she asks if everything is all right. He says that the bottom keeps falling out of everything lately. She suggests he makes more of an effort. He says he thought he was. "It's just so hard. This is how I define myself, and the thought of losing it makes me question who I am." Gemma's expression softens, as she thinks he's discussing their marriage. When he mentions his publisher is dropping him, she gets pissed. "You define yourself by your book, not by being a husband or a father? [...] God I'm an idiot. I'm going to the loft to pack up."
Warren Street Loft: Bridget shows up and tells Gemma she can't sleep with Henry. Gemma won't take no for an answer. "How is Andrew going to feel when he realizes his real wife is dead, and he's been sharing a bed with a drug addict, stripper, WHORE?" Oh yeah, Gemma's done her research. She whips out a folder full of information on Bridget, Macawi and all sort of goodies. Gemma reminds her that she can go to Agent Machado, as well as to Andrew. "I mean, did you really think this through?" Nope, not at all. That's why it's so fun, Gemma -- well, for those of us who aren't you. "Aren't you supposed to be pregnant for crying out loud. You have no right to do this to the people in Siobhan's life." Bridget says, "I'm trying to help them. My sister left behind a huge mess. I'm trying to clean it up." Gemma calls B.S. "Everything you've done has been self-serving." Bridget shakes her head and says that's not true. All right, I want Bridget to have managed to conceive in the past two weeks. There. I said it. I mean, imagine the soapy goodness when Andrew finds out that his wife has a twin who has assumed her life, and said twin is pregnant with his child, while said wife is pregnant with Henry's spawn! Anyhow, Bridget says she's not planning on being her sister forever and begs for a chance. Gemma says no deal. Do it by midnight, or else. "We both know you don't have a choice."
Park Ave.: Juliet thinks Andrew wants to talk to her about rehab, but he has something far more nefarious up his sleeve. He's enrolled her in public school...um...to keep her away from kids who drink and drug. He's such a sheltered little darling. I need to explain things to him. Call me! Theresa says he can't call me, because he's on the phone with her. Theresa better watch it, or she won't be in the recaps anymore. Andrew's attitude is all you're not really an addict, because you're too good for that, as if addiction respects socio-economic class and breeding. Juliet assures him it isn't about the drugs. It's about Shiv. With the ransacking and NA research and narcing, Juliet says, "It's like she's a whole new kind of bitch." After some back and forth, she adds, "You really want to know why I hate Siobhan -- because she's a cheating bitch who sleeps with married men." Juliet smiles at Andrew's shocked expression and sashays out of the room.
Bar, 11:15 PM: Bridget meets up with Henry who is surprised she called him six times. He reminds her how they used to meet up there and talk about how wrong dirty wrong dirty their affair was. Apparently Shiv used to call them, "Rick and Ilsa." OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!! Ugh. When Henry starts laying it on thick, Bridget moves in like she's going to kiss him, but instead whispers, "Your wife knows about us. She overheard us in the Hamptons. She knows about the affair. The baby. That's why she left. She wants me to get you in bed so she can catch us -- have irrefutable proof, so you lose everything -- your money, your home, your kids." When Henry can't believe it, Bridget assures him it's true and says, "She wants me to lose everything, too. My family. We can't let her do that. Henry, you need to fix this. You need to keep her quiet." Henry asks how the hell he's supposed to do that. Bridget tells him: "Go home. Make things right. Tell her you love her." Henry says he can't. "I don't love her. I love you." Bridget tells him he can learn to love her again. "Just try -- for your kids." Henry chuckles. "I'm sorry. You may be able to live a lie like that, but I can't. I'm not going to do it, anymore. I'm done." Bridget: "Then I'm out of moves." Henry watches her leave the bar.
Park Ave.: When Bridget gets home, Andrew says, "She told me." Bridget assumes he means Gemma, but wisely keeps his mouth shut. Andrew turns to face us. He looks so cuddly in that black turtleneck, but I should let him talk. "I really hoped Juliet wouldn't find out." Bridget has no clue what he's talking about, so he explains that while Juliet was in Miami, her mother told her Andrew cheated with Shiv before he was divorced. "That marriage was long over before we even met, but what we did scarred Juliet. I'm worried about her, Shiv." Andrew says she snuck out, and she's not answering her cell. He wonders if he should call the police. Bridget pulls out a matchbook from Barfield's that she found in Juliet's room during the ransack. She hands it to Andrew. "Try here, first." And this is when the Contrivance Fairy starts working overtime, to make sure the right characters are isolated at just the right times for the 10 minutes. Bridget will wait home in case Juliet returns, while Andrew goes to check out Barfield's. Once she's alone, Bridget whips out her phone and sees that it's 11:59 PM.
Why Oh Why Wyoming: No offense to those of you from the Cowboy State. It's not your state. It's Malcolm's story. I've gone from feeling terrible for him, to wishing he's hurry up and either matter or die. Macawi orders Malcolm to call Bridget back, now. Malcolm: "Only if you dose me, first." When a Macawi minion uncuffs Malcolm, Mal grabs at his cell phone, throws it to the floor, stomps on it, and tries to fight off Macawi and the minion. They subdue their prisoner pretty quickly though, and Macawi places a plastic bag over Malcolm's head. The minion says, "So that's it? We're killing him?" Macawi says, "He should be so lucky." ["And so say all of us." --Xander]
Park Ave.: Gemma arrives in the penthouse, calling out for Andrew. Luckily the Contrivance Fairy sent him off to look for Juliet. Gemma tells Bridget her time is up. "Everyone's going to know who you really are, Bridget." Bridget tells Gemma how fragile Juliet is right now. Gemma tells Bridget she's embarrassing herself by using Juliet as a bargaining chip. Bridget reminds Gemma that she's not the one who cheated with Henry. She's the one who called it off. "Siobhan failed you as a friend. Give me a chance. Maybe I can be the friend she wasn't." Poor Gemma doesn't know what she's doing. "I don't even know who I am, anymore." We cut to...
Cab: Gemma's in the backseat when her phone rings. It's Henry. "You have got some nerve. [...] I know what your plan is, all right? I am one step ahead of you. [...] You are trying to set me up -- planning to take my boys away from me." Gemma asks, "Who told you that?" Henry says, "Siobhan. We met for drinks tonight and she told me everything. You are sick. Do you know that?" Gemma: "You saw Siobhan, tonight?!" Henry warns Gemma that she won't get away with this. "I am not losing my kids." Gemma: "I am not having this conversation. I'm picking up my car at the office and then I'll be at home." Henry says, "You know what? Don't bother. I'm going out." He hangs up and I really want to discuss the ending now, but I won't. Darn you. Darn you all to heck. Suffice it to say that the asshat never mentions to his poor wife that "Shiv" also told him to go home and rebuild his marriage and family, so we can only imagine how burned Gemma must feel right now.
Okay, it's the Contrivance Fairy's chance to shine again. Andrew, who has been telling "Shiv" all episode to let him handle the Juliet sitch, alone -- the very same Andrew who left "Shiv" at home while he went to look for his daughter -- apparently got confirmation from the club doorman that Juliet is inside. Instead of going right in, he then waited for "Shiv" to come down, before dragging Juliet's underage arse out of there. CF is working so hard, because everyone has to be alone at the right times, and with an alibi at others. CF rests her wings for a moment, while Bridget and Andrew find Juliet dancing with Erica at the club. Juliet freaks, but Andrew orders her to move off the dance floor so they can talk. Andrew tells her it has to stop, as everything that's upsetting her happened in the past. Juliet blames Shiv for her parents' divorce, even though Andrew insists his marital problems predate meeting Shiv. When Juliet screams that he could have worked things out with her mom, if not for Shiv, Bridget agrees. "You're right. Your father and I never should have been together while he was still married." When Andrew tries to shush her, Bridget says she needs to say this. "Juliet, I never meant to hurt you, or to break up your family, and if hating me is what helps you cope, well go for it. You can trash as many pictures of me as you would like, but you have to stop hurting your father, and yourself." She gives Andrew and Juliet a moment to take this in, then adds, "And? I'm sorry."
Andrew insists Juliet is the one who should be sorry. Bridget says, "Not this time. I did a lot of crappy things and I would like the chance to make up for them." Andrew looks at his daughter. "Juliet?" Mollified, Juliet's voice is low. "I want to go home." When Bridget says she'll fetch a cab, the Contrivance Fairy swoops back into action and sprinkles her sparkly dust all over Juliet, who adds, "Can we stop for something on the way? My head is pounding." Andrew gets hit with the dust too, so he says, "I'll go to the drugstore. You'll take her home." Bridget says, "If that's all right with Juliet." Juliet smiles and nods.
When Andrew is outside alone, his phone rings. Gemma sobs as she asks him to meet her at her house. "I need to tell you something." Andrew says, "Yeah look, it's late." Gemma begs. "Please? It's an emergency." Commercial.
Park Ave.: Bridget, bearing a rag and a bucket, heads towards Shiv's photo. She starts scrubbing the WHORE off. She's soon joined by Juliet who holds up a spray bottle and softly says, "You're doing it wrong." So, girl, you do this every time Andrew and Shiv leave you alone for the weekend, and just forgot to clean up before you passed out, this last time? Juliet doesn't answer, but I can read her mind. Together, Bridget and Juliet work to get the WHORE off Shiv's face, but that's a little like getting the white off rice, no? I'd have given the show folding money if they'd only had Bridget turn to Juliet and say, "I can't believe I have had something so tacky hanging her for this long. Let's burn it and never let me be that vain again. She and Juliet would have become instant besties, I tell you what.
Gramercy Park: Andrew knocks on the Bickerson's door and calls out for Gemma. A shaken and breathless Henry answers the door. When Andrew tells him about the emergency call, Henry says Gemma hasn't been home all night. "Maybe she called from her office." Andrew asks if he can come in and wait for her, but Henry won't let him. "I've got some work I've got to do." What, clean up her blood? When Andrew leaves, Henry quickly shuts the door behind him and we get a look at Henry's task at hand. OH HOLY HEMOGLOBIN, BATMAN. He does have to clean up her blood. Or someone's blood. We follow Henry through the Bickerson's abode. There's a fallen lamp, a broken vase, an old picture of Gemma lying on the floor, and a (too perfect) bloody handprint on the wall. As Henry climbs the stairs, he passes another bigger, less artful bloodstain. Grrr Argh.
All right, I'm already out of time, but I want to repeat the cautions I made in the recap, and try to figure out where we're headed . This is a soap opera, so we can't count on Gemma being dead -- at least until we see her lifeless body. And really, with some soaps? You can't count on a person being dead until you've seen them buried. And there's a whole different set of rules for Days of Our Lives fans, but I digress. These are our possibilities as I see them: Henry killed Gemma; someone else killed Gemma; Gemma set it up to make it look like she was killed by Henry and or Bridget/Shiv. I can't decide which possibility most pleases me. We can't go by the previews for week, because look how many twists there were in tonight's episode, and how misleading the previews have been for the past few episodes. Misdirection is the soap opera's stock-in-trade. I sort of hope Gemma is still alive. I guess I mostly think she's dead, because then our intrigue becomes who killed Gemma -- and who is going to try to pin it on Bridget (who thanks to the Contrivance Fairy, has pretty sound alibis)? But I like Gemma, and I like how, even though the episode title "A Whole New Kind Of Bitch" was uttered by Juliet about Shiv/Bridget, it applies to the vindictive Gemma, as well. I don't blame Gemma for her outrage and anger. She has no reason to feel loyalty toward Bridget, but her contempt for Bridget's past and the fact that her first plan was to degrade Bridget by forcing her into prostitution -- well, that's the sort of response that would have summoned Anya (a vengeance demon) on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. At any rate, this is the second week that I'm left wanting more right now, so keep it up, show. And please don't be afraid to let the bath bubble up over the tub's edge and onto the floor. It's soap on ceramic tile and will clean up much more quickly than all that blood at the Bickerson's.
I'll see you week when Jason Dohring joins the show, in "The Poor Kids Do It Every Day." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread. We're so sorry for writing WHORE on your picture, that we've already scrubbed it off.