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Hey, you came back! Me, too, and not just because I'm afraid of Tubey (although I am a little, because...well, pointy demon tail). Buffy came back too, but we're still pretending she's Bridget and -- to a lesser extent -- Siobhan. So let's get to it, shall we? The show picks up right where it left off last week, with Bridget in the loft, trying to figure out what to do with the body of Siobhan's would-be killer. If you would just be Buffy, Bridget, maybe the body would poof away. No fuss. No mess. No forensic evidence.
Anyhow, as Bridget is struggling to move the corpse, Gemma lets herself in the loft, because Bridget is there at Gemma's behest to talk about Henry's cheating heart, remember? Gemma notices the broken dry wall that Bridget and the hit man crashed through in the first episode, but she chalks it up to a clumsy contractor. She decides they should fire the current one and hire a new one, but warns "Siobhan" that it will take a few days. Bridget is eager for time alone in the loft to deal with Dead Guy, so she readily agrees.
At home she's packing up what I can't not think of as Buffy's weapon bag to go back and clean up the loft, but Andrew doesn't want his pregnant wife going out so late alone for a "walk" and he's stressed out because he and Juliet had a fight and now she's incommunicado. He insists his "wife" gets some sleep. "It's not just you anymore, Shiv. You have to think for two, now." To say the least.
The rest of the episode continues in much the same vein, with Bridget trying to get somewhere, first to the loft to dispose of the corpse and then out of town to meet up with Malcolm (to whom she has confessed killing the guy who was after Siobhan), but nothing is going Bridget's way. Well wait, things at the bank totally go her way. When she can't figure out Siobhan's ATM password, the bank manager has her in his office where he gladly offers her all of Siobhan's money -- not from the checking account; there's hardly any in there (which I mention because I wonder if it will matter later), but from Siobhan's secret emergency-only account. Bridget quips about wondering if a shoe sale at Bergdorf's meets that definition and walks out with an entire bag full of money.
When Bridget thinks she finally has contractor-free time at the loft, Andrew insists they use it as an emergency party venue (because the first place he and his sexy, female British business partner reserved had a flood), so Bridget has to contend with an event planner and his staff, sprucing up the unfinished loft. Fortunately the theme for the party is sort of a Titanic one which involves lots of steamer trunks -- oh so handy for corpse concealment. Just remember kids, when you try this at home, make sure you shut off the corpse's cell phone, or it's going to ring right when your sister's husband (who thinks he's yours) is making some very British speech at his oh so inconvenient shindig. And then some creepy guy, who was probably not invited to your posh little fête, will eye you like he knows exactly whose phone is ringing, and what happened to him. Anyhow Bridget pretty much handles that as deftly as she handled Agent Victor "I'm Really Richard Alpert" Machado crashing the party earlier, and Andrew thinks she's just magical (he's undoubtedly enthralled by Bridget's I-Dream-of-Jeannie-esque pony-tail fall, and oh-so-Dynasty duds).
After the party is well and truly over and Andrew and Bridget are back home at Park Ave., Andrew expresses his appreciation for his wife and if he keeps talking like that, Bridget is going to fall in love with him. She already has a crush. Once he's asleep, Bridget sneaks out of bed and again prepares to go to the loft and deal with the body, so she can high-tail it out of Dodge and get to her hottie sponsor, Malcolm, but no. On her way out, she hears Juliet praying to the porcelain goddess. She flashes back to nine years ago and remembers how when she sought Siobhan's help at that bar in Tahoe, all she got was a sneer and cab fare. (More on that in tomorrow's weecap.) She goes to Juliet who doesn't want Andrew know, but she got blasted at a bar and then took some pill -- she doesn't even know what. When Bridget asks what Juliet wants her to do, Juliet sobs as she begs Bridget not to leave. Andrew catches sight of his "wife" cradling his sobbing daughter in her arms, and goes back to bed with a pleased smile on his handsome face.
But then, Bridget leaves...not really. She just goes to the loft. She calls Malcolm (who is still being stalked by Macawi) yet again and leaves him a voice mail telling him she can't. "For the first time in my life, I'm not the one leaning on people. People here need Siobhan to stay, and I need to stay, for Siobhan. I hope you understand." And when she opens the trunk to dispose of Dead Guy, she is startled to find the job's already been done and the inside of the trunk is as clean as a whistle. Give that event staff a big tip, Buff!
Meanwhile, in Paris, Siobhan goes to the bank to take money out of her secret account only to learn it was closed the day before, in Manhattan. She and her big, floppy hat leave the bank in a fit of pique. Outside, Siobhan makes a terse phone call to a mystery recipient. "She's ruining everything. It has to get done -- sooner rather than later." Grrr argh.
I'll be back with the full weecap, tomorrow. In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread. If you have a giant weapon bag of money, just leave it with me.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!I have a confession to make, gentle readers. I'm enjoying this show. It's my new guilty pleasure, but I have enough in my life for which I feel deserved guilt, so when the inconsequential Ringer-related guilt slithers up and tries to sucker punch me in the gut, I kick it in its pert, little Buffy-shaped bottom with my stylish, yet affordable boots, and tell it to get to the back of the line and expect a long wait, because right now? I'm having fun and I don't care who knows it. Wanna play with me?
The opening is different this week. We get the pilot shot of stylish Siobhan and slovenly Bridget standing in front of the infinite mirrors to give us infinite Buffies (YAY). There's text now and it reads: "This is the story of two Sisters" (yeah, that's their Pooh-case capitalization, not mine). It's replaced by: "who share the same Face." My dad was an identical twin, so I'm already laughing at the way this is phrased -- as if twins are all UP TO SOMETHING what with their capital-F Face-sharing and whatnot. Once the text disappears, there's a shot of Bridget at NA introducing herself. Sarah Michelle Gellar voiceover: "I witnessed a murder." is Agent Victor "I'm Really Richard Alpert" Machado reminding Bridget that all she has to do is get on the stand and tell the judge what she saw. SMG voice over: "You don't get it. If Bodaway wants me dead, I'm dead." Meanwhile, we see Native American Reservation Crime-Boss Bodaway Macawi and I don't want to add this character's name to my spellcheck, but I never feel like I've spelled it correctly. Oh, and he looks menacing. I should probably mention that. We watch Bridget store her Bridget-stuff in the bus station locker. SMG voice-over: "I ran to my sister Siobhan for help." There's a shot of Bridget doing her best Buffy boo-boo face, while Siobhan hugs her. Then we're on the boat, and Bridget's just woken up to find her sister gone. SMG voice over: "Siobhan killed herself and I assumed her identity." Clearly, Bridget isn't a reliable narrator. Meanwhile, Bridget is out on the Park Ave. terrace, calling her sponsor Malcolm to confess what she's done and that, "They all think I'm her." is a shot of Bridget getting all Siobhan-ny looking in front of the infinite mirrors. , the SMG voice over introduces the rest of the crew: "Her husband. Her lover. Her best friend. Her step-daughter." As Bridget is assaulted in the dark loft, SMG says that she thought she'd be safe. "I was wrong." Bridget shoots her assailant. SMG voice over: "There's a lot about Siobhan's life I don't know." Whew, I'm glad that's over. If they do a new opener (a la the Previouslies on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) each week, I don't know that I'll always break them down. This is only a Weecap, so don't get used to that, kids. Now, let's get to the new stuff, shall we?
We open in the loft. Bridget is calling Malcolm, but reaches his voice mail. As she looks over the dead body of the guy who tried to kill her/Siobhan, she confesses, over voicemail (and does she not think that the FBI might tap his phone?) that she shot someone in self-defense who thought she was Siobhan. "I ran from testifying because I thought it was going to be safe. It's not." The voicemail program then gives Bridget the option to either save her message, delete it, and/or re-record. She thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell am I doing?" before deleting. She gets to work moving the body, which leaves a huge blood streak across the floor. She stops to wipe it up, only to hear someone entering the loft. It is Gemma, because, as you'll recall from last week, the reason Bridget is at the loft is because Gemma said she thinks she knows with whom Henry is having an affair, and she wants to meet there to talk. Luckily, there are three locks on the door, so while Gemma undoes them, Bridget has plenty of time to throw drop cloths and what have you over Dead Guy and his blood stains. Still, when Gemma walks in, her first words are a horrified, "Oh my God!" Title Card. Commercial.
After the break, Gemma (who is also the architect on this project) blows past a horrified, guilty looking Bridget, to exclaim, "I told them to put up sconces, not knock down a wall!" She's referring to the drywall Bridget and Dead Guy crashed through when he was still the Living Guy trying to make Bridget (Siobhan) one Dead Chick. Gemma suggests they fire the contractor and hire a new one. Bridget is all for that, as this will cause a delay that will give her some alone time to get rid of Dead Guy. During a lull in their conversation, Bridget eyes Gemma suspiciously and it does not escape Gemma's notice. "What?" Bridget: "Just wondering what the hold-up was. You...asked me to meet you here." When Gemma hesitates, Bridget looks exactly like Buffy. Oh hush. I know that's because of SMG. It's just the expression is a very suspicious Buffy expression and it makes me happy, just for that reason, but also because I'm glad Bridget has the brains to suspect Gemma. Gemma says she's late because she finally confronted the Nanny about having an affair with Henry. "Her girlfriend informed me Henry wasn't her type." Bridget is equally nervous about Gemma discovering Siobhan's affair with Henry, and about Gemma tripping over Dead Guy, so when Gemma asks if she's just crazy, Bridget is too distracted to answer at first. When Gemma calls her on it, Bridget suggests that maybe Henry's not having an affair and steers Gemma out of the loft.
Back at Park Ave. nobody's home, so Bridget enters Siobhan's ginormous wardrobe, which is temptation enough to take over sister's life, if you ask me. She puts down her purse and grabs what I can only think of as Buffy's weapons bag. She ferrets through other purses for cash and Siobhan's One International Bank card. She starts to pack up the weapons bag when Andrew strolls in and asks if she got his message. He and Juliet had it out. She stormed out and now she's not answering his calls and texts. When he realizes his "wife" is kneeling on the floor, he asks what she's doing. She lies that she was just gathering up the dry cleaning. Andrew thinks she looks unwell and should get to bed. Bridget says she was going to take a walk. He's all sort of I-forbid-it and do-as-you're-told-y, which ticked off some viewers, but this is all so campy that I just sort of think it's adorable, although maybe also a clue as to why the real Shiv might leave him. "It's not just you anymore, Shiv. You have to think for two, now." Oh Andrew, you don't know the half of that. Will you be taking your shirt off, now? No. Fine. Be that way.
Morning: Bridget wakes alone to find a note from Andrew on his pillow. Scrawled on the Martin/Charles Financial stationery, the note reads: "Thought it best you two sleep in. Call if Juliet comes home. Andrew." Later, as Bridget is making her way out, Juliet comes stumbling in. I'd dub this a walk of shame, but clearly step-daughter dearest has no shame, at least not yet. When Bridget says, "Juliet," Juliet takes off her sunglasses and tells her not to talk. "I have a headache." Bridget says, "Your father's looking for you. You should call him." Juliet: "I know. He texted me, like a hundred times." When Bridget accuses Juliet of being high, Juliet corrects her: "I was high. Now I'm hung over." She throws her bag on an occasional table and knocks over a flower vase, which triggers Bridget to flashback to...
Lake Tahoe; 9 Years Ago: A soused Bridget, sitting at the bar of some dive, knocks her beer over, hitting the drink of the woman to her. They exchange terse words, and when Bridget orders another shot and beer, the bartender shuts her off. She stumbles off her stool muttering about her keys, but the bartender says, "Hey, Bridget, you're not driving." He looks around the bar. "Any volunteers?" Bridget says she'll call her sister. "She's the only one who gives a crap, anyhow." We flash forward to...
Present Day, Park Ave.: Juliet is on her hands and knees picking up the remains of the vase. Bridget looks at her for a moment and then asks if she wants some help. Juliet snarls that she just wants Bridget to leave her alone. Bridget: I can do that." Once Bridget leaves, Juliet looks sad that her request was granted.
Martin/Charles Financial: Olivia Charles (played by Jaime Murray) is on the phone talking about embracing the technology, when Andrew enters, so she ends her call with a promise to finish the conversation over lunch. Andrew asks his partner what she's doing in his office. She's looking for a list of algo traders, but Andrew says he stopped compiling it last week, because it's not the time to be hiring. See, this is exactly why we must eat the rich. Sorry. I'll be good and apolitical. Anyhow, Olivia insists investors like fresh meat. Andrew counters that they should find new investors, then. The talk turns to an event they're throwing that night. Olivia says she just got off the phone with the venue and they're good to go. Andrew asks if she's spoken to Siobhan. Olivia: "Why would I?" Andrew: "Well, because she did plan the event." Olivia can barely conceal her sneer. "And I let her pick out the cocktail napkins, but I'll take it from here, thank you very much." Oh dahling, if you want to lay your married partner, you shouldn't be catty about his wife to his face. That's bad form.
Loft: Bridget strolls in with her weapons bag hoisted over her tiny shoulder. She is wearing the most impractical white blouse you can imagine for Dead Guy ditching. She kneels and pulls the tarp back from his Dead Guy face, which is still covered with the black ski mask. She sighs and looks around, and then spots a circular saw. Oh Show, if you go there, I'm going to love you forever. She rises, walks over to it, picks it up and turns it on. She is mesmerized by the spinning blade, at least 'til her phone rings and ruins all the fun. I guess ours is not a forever love, Show -- at least not yet. Anyhow, the spoil-sport on the other end of the line is Malcolm. Bridget is afraid to talk on the phone, but he tells her not to be paranoid, it's just him. Right, because as a professor at what the caption informs us is Rock Springs Wyoming Community College (there is a Western Community College in the actual Rock Springs), he can tell by mere vibe that his phone isn't being tapped by the FBI agent who was way interested in his relationship with Bridget, but I digress.
Bridget fills him in on killing Dead Guy in self-defense. He tells her to call the cops. She reminds him that she's a fugitive. He reminds her that she's living as Siobhan now, so she can call as Siobhan. Bridget says, "Siobhan just murdered someone with a stolen gun that can be traced back to Bridget. Either way, I'm screwed." Malcolm tells her not to stick around. They agree to meet halfway, and he'll help her figure out what to do . "Bridget. I'm here for you. Friend. Sponsor. Whatever you need. You gotta know that." Bridget says she does and she'll try to leave soon and get far enough away before anyone finds the body. After she's tidied up Dead Guy's blood trail (I guess that's what she brought the bleach for) and stowed him off to the side, she starts to leave the apartment, but is startled by a loud knock on the door. It's none other than Agent Machado. As Bridget stares through the peep hole, we cut to commercial.
Machado is still knocking after the break and calling for Mrs. Martin. As Bridget is dithering with the lock, Machado notices her shadow and says, "I can see you." She opens the door muttering about tricky locks and closes it behind her, before Machado can get so much as a peek inside. He asks if she'll let him in to use the bathroom. "What is it about cops and coffee?" Um, that's too much information, Victor. Bridget thinks so too. There's also no way in hell she's letting him in. She tells him to use the donut shop across the street. He chases after her asking if they can talk. She says she's already late for a doctor's appointment. He offers her a lift, but she hails a cab as she thanks him and says it's all the way uptown. Victor really wants to talk to her about her sister. Bridget says she'll be happy to, but not today.
FBI Office: A nameless agent gives Victor the very boring skinny on Siobhan and Andrew Martin. He's in finance. She's on the board of multiple charities. Married five years. Honeymooned in Paris. "Her favorite movie? The Notebook. His? A tie between Raging Bull and Singing in the Rain." Victor: "Where'd you get that?" Agent: "Facebook. They're not exactly the type to harbor a fugitive." Victor doesn't trust them because Siobhan lied about not being in touch with her sister and he has the letters to prove it. "The Martin's own a loft on Warren St. See what you can dig up."
Gramercy Park South: Inside their apartment, Henry asks Gemma, "Why would I be having an affair." Gemma says they spend no time together, argue all the time and never have sex. Henry pleads fatigue from work, and their three year old twins, but he's mean and mad at her, which double sucks since he is guilty. He then assures her he's not having an affair. "You've gotta believe me." Gemma pulls out a hotel key card and says the dry cleaner found it in his suit pocket. "Now you wanna tell me the truth?"
One International Bank: Bridget tries to figure out Siobhan's ATM password, but it's no use. She finally approaches the teller, says she forgot her bank account PIN and would like to withdraw some money. The teller asks for her license and does a long, slow compare, then asks Bridget to come with her. But it's just because she's filthy rich, y'all. The bank manager likes to handle the monied customers, personally. He tells Bridget, "Special clients get special treatment." Bridget wants to withdraw the balance of her checking account. Mr. Atkins tells her there's not much in there. I think we'll want to know that for future reference -- not because of anything that happens in this episode, but just because the Martins live as if they're wealthy, so it seems curious Shiv's checking account would be so low that the bank manager wouldn't at least let "Shiv" decide if what's in there is enough.
Anyhow, he mentions the special account she set up with him a month ago, for "emergencies." Bridget smiles. "Does a shoe sale at Bergdorf's constitute an emergency?" Atkins laughs and Bridget is off in a flash with the cash. She gets in a cab and asks to go to the airport. She's no sooner on her way than she gets a call on Shiv's cell from Andrew's office. She ignores it and it goes to voice mail, but seconds later, it's ringing again. Bridget answers. It's Andrew. He asks if Juliet's home yet and once he learns she is and is "fine" in Bridget's world, he tells her his crisis du jour. A pipe burst at the venue, so he needs to book something on short notice. Bridget is all, "For..." Because she doesn't know about the cocktail party planned for that evening. Was it not in Shiv's orange magic dayplanner. Tsk tsk, Shiv. Of course, Andrew has decided to have the party at the unfinished loft where Dead Guy is currently resting, in relative peace, if (sadly) not in pieces. Bridget tries to argue with him, but Andrew won't take no for an answer. Besides, he's already sent the event planner over. Commercial.
Bridget doesn't take this opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge. No. She rushes back to the loft which is already full of the event staff, moving in chairs, rugs and whatnot. There's a fake out, where they're unrolling a rug just as Bridget enters. She yells, "Wait," sure that they're unwrapping Dead Guy, but nope, just a rug. Now, the event planner is not gay. He's ecstatic. As Bridget eyes the tarp wrapped lump in the corner that is Dead Guy, Ecstatic Event Planner (EEP) tells her she looks gorgeous as usual. "Per your suggestion, I went with a Titanic vibe, antiquated elegance, steamer trunks, violins, gin and tonics. It'll feel very Euro and travel-y and make people want to hand over their money. Do you like?" Bridget says she does and suggests they give the workers a break. EEP protests there's no time, but Bridget insists and hands him a wad of cash as she adds, "There's a bacon food truck downstairs and I'm buying." EEP: "Well, tempt me with trans-fats and I can't say no." Aren't trans-fats illegal in New York? And hey, bacon has its problems, but I don't think trans-fats are among them. I'm looking at you, nitrites. Deadly, delicious nitrites. Anyhow, EEP and crew take 20 minutes for lunch, leaving Bridget time to put dead guy in one of the huge steamer trunks. Now, it's only 20 minutes so there's sadly no way she had time to use that circular saw. How skinny little Bridget got Dead Guy in the trunk is beyond me, but I don't care with this kind of show. I'm just going with it. (Psssst. She can do it, because she's really Buffy.)
Park Ave.: As Bridget arrives home, she gets a text from Malcolm -- "Ready to go?" She texts back: "Gotta make sure a problem stays hidden." Just then, Miss Juliet comes bopping out in high heels, black skinny jeans, a white tank, and some sort of foofy black vest. Her bra trim, is of course, spilling out of the top of her tank, along with her breasts. Bridget: "You look like you're going to be...cold." Revel in the wardrobe judgment from our ex-stripper, people. It's fun. Juliet's all: "Save it." Bridget suggests that going out might not be the best idea and says she knows where she's headed and it's not pretty. Juliet says, "What the hell do you know?" Bridget: "A lot more than you think. I used to know a girl who partied a little too much. She did it because she felt alone and it sucked, but no one told her that she didn't have to feel that way. I don't want that for you. I know you don't care about me, but you might want to at least consider your dad in all this. He really loves you." Juliet's expression softens for a moment, but then she puts back up the walls and bitches, "You're hilarious, Siobhan. For a second it almost seemed like you gave a crap."
Loft: OMG, Buffy has plastic dream hair. She's wearing this much-blonder-than-her-own-blonde blonde pony tail fall. In the recaplet I called it I-Dream-of-Jeannie-esque, but the people in the show thread have compared it to Madonna's Blond-Ambition-hair, and that's probably more apt. Her dress, I still maintain is straight out of Dynasty, and I love the entire one-sleeved, asymmetrical-hem, Roman-ish collared thing. It's made of more cheese than the moon! EEP comes over to greet her, is surprised she has stage fright and reminds her how to make small talk at these shindigs, which is a great primer for Bridget. What's not a great primer for our recovering alcoholic though is the glass of champagne EEP handles her. It seems she shrugs that off though, as we never do see her drink. She follows his talking points, correctly guessing that one of her guests got her great tan on St. Bart's. Then there's a funny moment where another guest says she used Shiv's dermatologist, "But my Botox doesn't look as natural as yours." It's all in SMG's expression. She starts to rumple her nose, stops and then just touches her fingers to her face.
It's then that she sees a portly guest sit down on Dead Guy's Steamer Trunk, and yes, Dead Guy probably should be stinking up the joint by now, but let's not think about that. It's too yucky. Let's think about SMG's outfit and pony tail again. There. Isn't that better? Bridget makes her way to Mr. Big and hails a waiter to bring a chair for him even as she apologizes to Mr. Big while making it clear he cannot sit his fat ass on the trunk. "That's an antique... No, I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll be much more comfortable."
Andrew finds her and asks if she's okay. He can't believe how it all came together. "No one would believe the mess that was here three hours ago." Bridget: "You have no idea." Andrew: "You look lovely, by the way." Bridget: "What the hell is wrong with my sister that she would off herself when she was sharing a bed with a stud muffin like you?" Okay, she only says that with her eyes. With her mouth she just says, "Thank you." They have a moment, before Olivia slinks up, grabs Andrew in an overly-familiar way and purrs, "Siobhan, darling, do you mind if I steal your husband." When they walk off, Gemma comes up and says, "Olivia's the reason why women hate other women." Putting the name together with the face, Bridget hesitates as she says, "She's Andrew's... partner." Gemma apologizes for talking about the Olivia "the financial genius" that way. "Wouldn't trust anyone else with my money." Oh now see, between this and Siobhan's empty checking account, I feel like we're getting clues. For what, I don't know. But I smell clues. Gemma gives Bridget credit for letting Andrew work beside that snake. When Gemma is really pounding down the drinks, Bridget suggests she slow down, Gemma pleads she needs it to get through the night. Bridget wants to get through it, too.
Soon, Bridget finds Henry outside on the balcony or roof, I can't really tell, lurking in the shadows where he belongs. He fills her in on Gemma finding his key to the Dandridge. Bridget freaks, but Henry says, "Relax, I told her I go there to write." Bridget: "And she believed you?" Henry: "Well, it's the truth, sort of. I mean there's no affair anymore, right?" Bridget tries to leave, but Henry grabs her wrist and says, "Just tell me, what did I do wrong?" Um, I'm going to go with, "You were yourself." Bridget can't even bother to reply, because she notices blood underneath the corner of Dead Guy's trunk. She blurts, "Excuse me," runs back into the main room, grabs a napkin and starts wiping it up. People in the show thread talk about how long a body will bleed out and shouldn't Dead Guy be past that and they're getting science all over my Soap and they should just STOP IT! This is not Mr. Wizard. This is "Buffy Plays Twins In a Nighttime Soap with Richard Alpert and Ioan Gruffudd."
As poor Bridget is scrubbing furiously at the blood, a male hand taps her on the shoulder and we hear Agent Machado say, "Mrs. Martin?" I don't even know where she puts the bloody napkin. Maybe she stuffed it under the trunk? He apologizes for crashing but she's tough to pin down. He helps himself to some hors d'oeuvres and asks if they can talk. On the roof, Victor starts giving Bridget the building history (first a cannery then a department store). He then lets her know he knows she just fired one contractor and hired another. Bridget: "What are you getting at?" Victor: "Well, call me crazy, but I think there's a reason you're keeping people out of this place." Bridget and Me: "Last time I checked there were over a hundred people inside." Victor: "Tonight, maybe, sure, but any other night..." This is a little dumb, if you ask me. I mean, I know he's just trying to unsettle her and see what he can shake out, but he's tried to get in once, and she was leaving. She didn't want to let him use her bathroom. That's not keeping "people" out any other night. Just sayin'...
Their conversation is interrupted when a drunken Gemma slaps a female guest. Henry, collects her and moves her out of the center of the floor if not attention. Bridget sees this as her out. "I'm going to have to see if my friend is okay." Victor: "I'll wait." Bridget: "Actually, I think it's time for you to leave." Victor: "I'm just trying to get some answers." Bridget: "No, you're harassing me, and you're trespassing. I'm not going to tolerate this." Victor: "Oh, so that's how this is going to be?" He nods, thanks her for the food and makes his exit. When Andrew comes up and asks who that was, Bridget says he's a party crasher who came for the free wine and cheese. "But don't worry. I took care of him."
Later, the guests are all gathered around Olivia and Andrew. When Andrew tells them, "A wise man once said, 'price is what you pay, value is what you get,'" the crowd laughs, as does Bridget, who actually also sort of blushes and gets a cute-dopey, "That's my guy," look on her face. He blah blee bloos on about how that's the Martin/Charles Financial mantra, but is interrupted when a cell phone rings. When it persists, Olivia asks where it's coming from. Everyone looks around until a party guest points at Dead Guy's trunk and says, "It sounds like it's coming from that." Commercial.
Olivia starts to move toward the trunk with an, "Oh, you have got to be kidding me," but Bridget heads her off at the pass, opens the trunk, fishes the cell out of Dead Guy's pocket and proclaims, "I've got it," as she slams shut the lid. Just then, a mysterious man enters the party. He rubs his hands together as he looks at Bridget holding up Dead Guy's phone. She can't help but notice how he looks at her. We cut to...
The end of the party. As Andrew is schmoozing his guests out the door, Olivia sidles up to Bridget and says, "Nice move." Bridget: "Excuse me?" Olivia: "Some might see it as desperate, but in finance we call it strategic." Bridget: "What are you talking about?" Olivia: "Getting pregnant." Bridget: "Getting pregnant is not a strategy." Olivia: "It is if you need to hold onto your husband." Just then Andrew returns and asks what they're whispering about. Olivia: "I was just telling Siobhan how excited I am about the baby." Andrew puts his arm around Bridget as he says, "That makes three of us." When he crows about landing six new investors, Bridget smiles up at him as if she really thinks he's her husband. She has such a crushity crush crush crush. It's adorkable, given her circumstances. When Olivia says she's calling it a night, Andrew teases her, asking if she's not going to stay and help clean up. Bridget isn't used to all this money or Andrew actually having a sense of humor, so she explains she already arranged for the event staff to come back and clean up tomorrow. "I figured we'd all be exhausted." Andrew, "Yeah, I was teasing, Shiv." He offers to call Olivia a cab. Bridget and I are already calling her something else.
Alone, Bridget sits down and takes a breather, but then Gemma walks back in and apologizes for ruining her party. Bridget tries to get Gemma to see the brighter side. "Don't worry. I think you gave everyone something to talk about." She asks Gemma if she's okay, as if they're really friends. Gemma says she's not. "Not really. I'm a disaster." Bridget: "Gemma, if Henry makes you this unhappy, why don't you just leave him?" Gemma says she can't. She still loves him even though she knows she shouldn't. She asks if she's pathetic. Bridget tells her no, she's just human and that she'll get through this. Gemma: "I know, with help from friends like you." Poor Gemma. Don't you already just love to hate Siobhan who've we've hardly seen?
Back at Park Ave., Andrew praises his wife for pulling off the night with aplomb. When she demurs, he says, "You know, it's been a long time since I've felt you were on my side, but tonight, it was like I had the old Siobhan back. Don't go away again." He puts his hand on her knee and they look in each other's eyes.
Cut to the bedroom. Bridget is on the opposite side of the bed from where she woke up the other morning, which seems curious to me. I don't know. Scott sleeps on the left (our left, if we're lying face up) and I sleep on the right, always, at least at home. When we've traveled sometimes we've mixed it up if one of us wanted to read or needed the bedside table for something, but at home, it never varies. That's the way it is for most people, isn't it? You pick a side? I don't know why that caught my eye. Anyhow, once Bridget knows Andrew is asleep, she sneaks out of bedroom and gets dressed. She texts Malcolm that she's on her way and creeps out of the dressing room and back past a seemingly still slumbering Andrew.
When she gets to the hallway, she hears Juliet getting sick in the bathroom. No stranger to prostrating oneself before the porcelain goddess, Bridget can't help but peek in on her sister's step-brat. "Juliet?" Juliet looks up from toilet bowl, mascara flowing down her face. "I took something at a bar and now I feel weird." She doesn't know what it was. "Some girl gave me a pill. I think it was orange." Bridget: "Do you want me to get your father?" Juliet cries: "No Siobhan, please. Daddy will kill me. Please." Bridget: "Okay. What do you want me to do?" Juliet sobs. "Just... don't leave." And we flashback to...
Tahoe bar, 9 years ago: Siobhan walks in and finds a very Cave-Slayer-looking Bridget, drinking coffee and complaining that she's going to be sick. She had too much to drink and Siobhan needs to pay her tab, because Bridget got fired. "And it's not my fault. My boss was a total dick." Shiv: "God, Bridget. I left a date because I thought you were in trouble. You said it was an emergency. Turns out you're just drunk and broke." Bridget says she's sorry, but Shiv argues that she's selfish. Bridget: "Come on, Shiv. I need you tonight." Shiv: "No you don't. You just need someone to clean up your mess and I am over it." She takes out some cash and hands it to Cave Twin. "Here, this is for your bar tab and your ride home." Bridget asks her sister not to leave, but she's already gone. She fondles the money and our flashback ends. Back to the...
Present. Bridget tells Juliet, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." She drops to the floor, and cradles a still sobbing Juliet in her arms. Out in the hallway, Andrew looks on. At first he's shocked at the tender scene transpiring in the bathroom, but he soon smiles, maybe a little sadly. The camera cuts back to Bridget comforting Juliet before we go to commercial.
Loft: It's still night as Bridget enters the loft. She's calling Malcolm, but she's reached his voicemail once again. She (unwisely, in my opinion) leaves a voicemail: "Hey, it's me. My bag's packed. I have the money. I'm all set to go. I just... I can't. For the first time in my life, I'm not the one leaning on people. People here need Siobhan to stay, and I need to stay here for Siobhan. I hope you understand."
Parking Garage: Malcolm is headed toward his car as he realizes he's just missed a call. He curses as he takes out his cell phone and listens to Bridget's message. While it plays, an SUV drives up and shines its lights right in his face. He doesn't move out of the way, which seems weird to me. Anyhow, inside, in the passenger seat, is the menacing Macawi, menacing around and stuff. Just as he's about to get out, a student runs up to Malcolm and hands in an assignment. This is enough to chase off Macawi and his driver. Malcolm tells the kid, "Cutting it close, man." You and him both, Mal. Can I call you Mal?
Paris, Day: Siobhan strolls into the Paris branch of One International Bank, dressed in clothes that just scream femme fatale -- floppy black hat, sunglasses, leather trench with gold buttons, a leopard print scarf tied around her pocketbook strap. She hands the teller a withdrawal slip and, in French, asks to withdraw some money. When the teller enters her information in the computer, he tells her that the account was closed yesterday, in Manhattan. As Siobhan walks outside, she dials her cell and says, "She's ruining everything. It has to get done. Sooner, rather than later." She hangs up without waiting for a response or saying goodbye. We cut back to the...
Loft. Bridget lays down her weapons bag and opens the dead man's chest Dead Guy's trunk. It is completely empty of Dead Guy, and any and all of his things, including his bodily fluids. Bridget gasps as she lets the lid slam back down. Title card. Grrr argh.
Well that's it for me, this week. I have more to say, but the wee-est things about my weecaps are the wee deadlines. And I've just about hit mine. The show dropped a bit in the ratings this week. I don't how long the network will give it to find its legs, but I hope it gets some time. I think Ringer is a weird fit for the CW and seems like a strange (and weak) lead-in for it, but I don't know if the CW has a suitable lead-in for a show like this. I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts.
I'll be back after week's "If You Ever Want A French Lesson." In the meantime, please grade the episode at the top of the page and then join us in the show thread, where I'll gladly keep an eye on your weapons bag full of cash.
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