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Finally, things are starting to come together… and then spiral out of control in the Hamptons.
To celebrate his release and return to the Hamptons, Nolan is throwing a super-exclusive house party – apparently exclusive means 100 people. This party is also so important it merits illegal dolphin play-pens and swans swimming in his pool.
While he's off convincing party planners to break laws, Margaux is hunting down an invite to Nolan's soiree so she can coax him into being Voulez's first cover story. Daniel refuses to give her a hookup, so Charlotte sets Margaux up with Jack, who only agrees to take her as his plus one.
This set-up upsets Daniel and Emily, who both have a stake in the duo's game. Daniel is miffed that Margaux gets Nolan as her cover story and he later threatens to kill the investments he's garnered if she continues. Apparently, Margaux is actually a kickass character who doesn't even blink at Daniel's boyish threats, which only makes him angrier when issues with Emily begin to crop up later.
Emily is angry because she's now watching Jack kindle a relationship with yet another Hamptons lady – he and Margaux are really hitting it off. Em's judgment only helps push Charlotte further away too when Emily justifies her jealousy by saying Jack and Margaux are "from different worlds." Charlotte's right; she does sound like a Grayson.
And while all of that is gumming up the works, Aidan is continuing his bonkers plan. He brings potential evidence of Emily's involvement in the Grayson's bankruptcy and Victoria offers to bring him to Nolan's party as a sort of coming out party for their unholy union. When they arrive, Emily pulls Aidan aside and yells at him. It's not long before Victoria and Daniel join them and Victoria says she's concerned with what money Emily used to buy Nolan's house. It's all Emily needs to go off on Victoria, telling her that while she may be bankrupt, she shouldn't pry into others' finances – and she says it loud enough for the entire party to hear. Buh-bye, Queen Vee.
The aftermath of the party is a little more than a few deflated toy swans and spilled champagne. Patrick, who Nolan invited to his party before he knew his relation to Victoria, comes by after it's all done to tell Nolan that while Victoria hates Emily and Emily is Nolan's best friend, he doesn't want that rivalry to color their friendship. He likes to make his own assessments – which means we just met Nolan's new beau.
Daniel doesn't fare so well after the party. He talks to Emily, who tries to convince him that while Aidan clearly still loves her, she chose Daniel. (Well, at least that's partially true.) His reaction is to set up a security system in Emily's house to keep Aidan from surprising them again – remember when he broke in and tried to kill Daniel last season? He tells Emily about shooting Aidan last season when she asks why he installed the system against her wishes and with that, she's powerless to argue.
But why wouldn't she want to keep people out of her house? Because she wants Aidan to be able to come in and out as he wants since she was the one who asked him to come back and team up with Victoria so he could get close to her. Come on, people; you don't let a love like his go that easily.
And though that part's going just as planned, Emily's other big plan falls right through the flaming cracks. She convinces Father Paul to get Conrad to confess to his crimes by telling him that she was the one who got him fired and that she'll ruin him if he doesn't help her. (Real saintly, Em.) He works his magic, but Victoria isn't thrilled. When she hears what's happening, she actually scratches Conrad. With her hand. And her real nails. Right before she throws an actual vase like a character on Dallas.
Victoria's ill will seems to grow legs when moments later, Emily finds Conrad's Lamborghini in flames. Father Paul is dead, Conrad is injured but alive, and you can be damn sure that his miraculous survival is going to convince him not reveal his crimes against humanity. Dammit.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Finally, as things are starting to come together… then it all spirals out of control in the Hamptons.
We open on Conrad in a cold sweat. He’s dreaming that Charlotte uses her newfound hatred to stab him while he’s helpless in his bed saying "this is for my father." He’s right about one part: One of David Clarke’s daughters is about to come after him, but unlike dream-Charlotte, he’ll never even see Emily coming. She’s become something of a surrogate daughter now that Charlotte hates him; she’s the only one visiting him and she’s saying all the right things to get him to call on Father Paul and make amends.
In case Conrad’s guilt isn’t enough to convince him to fix everything, Emily’s working it from both ends. She catches Father Paul going to confession and tells him she’s willing to forgive him (something she doesn’t do for anyone – and that’s no joke, because she’s becoming one of the more hateable people on this show) if he gets Conrad to confess everything. If he doesn’t, she’ll ruin his life even worse than she did the first time, because in Emily’s own personal la-la land, this is how forgiveness works.
While Em is setting up the good Father, Aidan brings Victoria "proof" of Emily’s foreign accounts – pieces of paper showing accounts listed without names. Victoria knows her nemesis is smarter than that and if Emily is holding her money, she has it in a much less detectable place. Aidan deflects by throwing a tantrum about losing Emily to Daniel, saying that he asked Emily to run away with him and that she was seeing him while she was engaged to Daniel. This only strengthens Victoria’s resolve to catch Emily, so when he says he wants to get back into Emily’s "orbit" to get revenge (which is pretty ironic considering that her revenge plot is why he’s supposedly so upset in the first place) the Cartier wheels in Victoria’s head get to turning.
At the same time, Nolan is keeping himself busy throwing an super-duper exclusive housewarming party that apparently includes a dolphin enclosure because now that he’s not a computer genius anymore, he’s taking up a job as a Saudi prince impersonator. Margaux is particularly interested in getting into the exclusive fete because she wants an interview with Nolan for the cover of Voulet, a plan Daniel is determined not to support because he still holds the Grayson Global nonsense against him. But this causes something glorious to come out of the former floozy’s mouth: she may have dropped her dress for Daniel, but she’s not about to let him walk all over her. When she finds her way into the party – as the plus one on the giggling, sheepish Jack’s arm – she’s found her way around Daniel and landed the cover story. Is it okay that I kind of like her now?
Out at Grayson Manor, Conrad drives his Lamborghini one last time before letting Victoria sell it only to get a lecture from his wife upon returning. "It’s not good for your health." (But apparently, pointing out everyone else’s flaws is good for Victoria’s health.) Conrad points out that she’s just showing off her false nurturing because Patrick is around. And old Conny is right – this duplicitous, sweet version of Victoria is as false as the fullness of her collagen-filled lips.
This charming interaction only gives Victoria more rage-fuel when she visits Daniel and tells him that Emily secretly bought Nolan’s house and that Emily was sleeping with Aidan when she and Daniel first got together. Daniel rejects Victoria’s accusations, partially because she says they came from a "friend in real estate" – the secret source was a bad move, V. When that intel doesn’t do the trick, Victoria hops on the phone to give Aidan that boost into Emily’s atmosphere that he so desperately needs: and invite to Nolan’s bash.
And the party’s guest list keeps growing when Patrick overhears Nolan planning his ridiculous party and tells him there are no cell phones allowed by the pool at the country club. In typical leading man fashion, Nolan is charmed by the plucky resolve of the new kid in town, who also happens to look great in a pair of swim trunks, and invites Patrick to his housewarming extravaganza right before he finds out that Patrick is the formerly estranged son of one Victoria Grayson. This only seems to increase Nolan’s desire to bed the mega babe because Nolan is back to tramp mode.
While that relationship is starting to bud, Daniel’s green eyed monster comes out and he accuses Emily of keeping things from him. He asks her if she bought Nolan a house and she says she did, but that she didn’t tell anyone because Nolan was ashamed. Daniel thinks that if the house thing was true then the Aidan part was too (transitive property never fails, right?), but she denies it. Dan says that he knows his mother is trying to pry them apart, but he’s not certain she’s telling the truth. He’s mad, but Daniel is her puppy. He’ll come back around.
Before the party gets underway, Emily has one last stop to make. She visits Conrad and tries to work a little more magic in the way of getting him to confess his sins. She tells him her belief that we pay for our sins or burn in hell, and that since Conrad’s Catholic, he can repent just as Father Paul walks in right on schedule. And while it takes a little massaging (Conrad originally pans Father Paul’s suggestion that he give himself up, professing that he’s "home free" now that he’s sick), Paul finally strikes a nerve. If Conrad confesses, he could redeem himself in Charlotte’s eyes and leave this world as a hero, not a weak and broken man. Quick, someone get this man a press conference before he loses his resolve.
And now, for Captain Crunch’s wackadoo party. (Seriously, Nolan is actually wearing a captain’s uniform because he’s lost his mind.) After hooking Jack up with Hamptons newbie Margaux, Charlotte is convinced that it’s her job to help Jack find the strength to be happy. She pays for Jack to be fit for a new suit for the party – “one that’s not associated with painful memories.” She manages to do what no one else ever could: change Jack’s mind. She says he needs to get out of the bar and that Margot is perfect because she’s new. He finally agrees and even begins to have a little fun with Margaux at Nolan’s party -- semi-nude fun in the pool, to boot –- and it immediately angers Emily, who seems to think she somehow has ownership over Jack. Charlotte kindly reminds her that she’s starting to sound like Victoria and that’s not cruel, it’s just the damn truth. Get it together, Ems.
While Lorde’s "Royals" plays ironically in the background, Daniel tries his darndest to convince Margaux to give up the Nolan Ross cover story, only to hear more of her “I am woman, hear me roar” rhetoric. His poor baby brain probably smarts after that one. But that’s not actually the big blowout of the party. That happens when Victoria brings Aidan as her date.
Immediately, Emily takes Aidan aside and demands that he leave – he’s ruining everything. But after the suggestion that there’s a little too much passion behind Emily’s anger, Daniel rushes to her side followed closely by Victoria. And this is when the fireworks begin. Emily lights right into Victoria, telling her that questioning her motives to buy a house for a dear friend is uncalled for (yeah, it’s like buying him a nice watch in Hamptonian reality). When Victoria says she’s concerned about how Emily got the money to buy it, Emily strikes back by saying, loudly enough for the whole party to hear, that while Victoria may be bankrupt, it’s not fair for her to question everyone else’s finances. Buh-bye, Queen V.
This display only increases Daniel’s suspicions and he’s now convinced that Emily still has feelings for Aidan. She says that Aidan came to her and asked her if she would run away with him but she chose Daniel – sort of true. But Daniel’s learned about big boy pants from Margaux and he’s not buying it anymore.
Patrick is also learning about big boy pants by visiting Nolan against Victoria’s wishes (Nolan and her arch-enemy Emily are “thick as thieves” after all). He’s apparently not stupid enough to believe everything out of V’s mouth, because he tells Nolan that he’s going to try and figure out Nolan on his own. (See: have a hot make-out with Nolan later).
And while everyone else is busy growing up, Emily is getting lectures from a priest. Father Paul calls her and says that he did all he could to make Conrad confess, but that if Conrad doesn’t, Paul will confess. "You’re not God either … move on before you lose yourself," he advises Emily as he reveals that having his life ruined by Emily helped him understand what he did to David Clarke. He now wants to clear Clarke’s name, no matter what. Seriously, Em. Listen to him.
But Emily does get one small victory: Jack is starting to soften on her now that he’s had a little fun. Em stops by to thank Jack for taking care of Charlotte the way she wishes she could; after all, Charlotte is Emily’s only remaining family. And when Margaux comes in, Emily doesn’t greet her coldly, causing Jack to give Emily the warm look he used to send her way on the regular. Get ready for the return of Jack-as-Emily’s-true-love, everyone.
Meanwhile, Emily’s other long-time love is showing his cards. Aidan tells Victoria that he was wrong; the foreign bank accounts belong to some guy named Ira in Miami. This is his way out of actually implicating Emily, because as it turns out, she begged him to come back and help her and he did, like a good, loyal steed. Although Aidan is pulling the rug out from under her, Victoria takes the bait. She still thinks they both know Emily is a bad person, so she offers him room and board in her house so they can figure it out together. (Or so she can start running Victoria’s home for really, really ridiculously good-looking men). And that was his plan all along.
One part of the plan doesn’t quite work the way Em and Aidan intended, though. Daniel installs an alarm system at Emily’s house because he’s concerned about Aidan being back. Daniel tells Emily that the night of Conrad’s election, Aidan was in Em’s house waiting and he attacked Daniel. Daniel found her gun and shot Aidan and thought he was gone for good. Now that he’s back, he’s back for one of them and Daniel (and his newfound authority) aren’t taking any chances. That’ll make Emily’s scheming a bit more difficult… right up to the point where she gives her accomplices the code. Duh. Chill out, Ems. This is doable.
In the final moments of the episode, Conrad tells Victoria he’s turning himself in to the authorities and leaving her with her (dead) true love. She’s so angry (and who wouldn’t be after this week’s beat down?) that she literally scratches his face. With her nails. Like a five-foot-something cat woman with severe anger imbalances. She then smashes a vase like a Lifetime movie heroine and chases after Conrad as he escapes with Father Paul in the Lamborghini. Oh right, this is a campy soap opera... in case you managed to forget.
On Emily’s way home, she sees Conrad’s car in flames. Father Paul is dead on the side of the road and Conrad is coming out of the flames, hurt but alive. Well shit, now he’s going to think the fact that he lived is a sign to keep his secrets with him. This is what you get for misunderstanding life’s lessons, Emily. Back to square one.