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Happy Pill Tommy and his lovely wife, Goofballs for Breakfast Janet, are still banging like bunnies, only now the drugs are making them want to renew their vows. The rest of the Gavin clan is engaging in a little pre-spending of the Dead Korean Wife Cash Fund, and Tatum O'Neal shows up long enough to make us wonder how many other errant drunken Garritys are wandering around with cigarettes dangling out of their mouths. Sis Garrity claims to be in town just to visit her beloved family, but seeing as how she hates everyone and the feeling's mutual, it's pretty clear she's there for money. Too bad Dead Korean Wife only left Pa Garrity $50K and he owes the estate $20K. Bye, Tatum! Inside the firehouse, Chief's wife is getting worse and even cuts her own throat; Franco thinks he loves Laura and Laura (stupidly) believes he might change (dumb-ass); Garrity's extremely stupid and we like him that way; and He Loves the Gays Mike discovers a strange lump in his scrotal area. Garrity hilariously administers his own version of the cough test and concludes that Mike, indeed, has a strange lump. This, of course, leads to Mike's going to the doctor and, of course, getting a hard-on while he's there, which, of course, has Mike journeying down the road to Am-I-Gayville. Outside the firehouse, it looks like Sheila's girlfriend Debbie really did give her that shiner a couple weeks ago, because when a spat escalates into a full-drawn battle, Debbie beats the ever-loving shit outta Sheila. Three guesses as to whom Sheila's gonna call about that one. Okay, you only get one guess. Make it good! Lou gives Dani his secret cash fund so that she can get out of her contract. Does anyone even remotely think she's not completely playing him? Yeah, didn't think so. In the final minutes of the show, as Tommy and Hot Cop Brother Johnny chat about how $30K isn't going to go very far, little red-headed Connor gets hit by a car. And dies. And there's really nothing more to say about that. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Tommy holds a flat-screen TV up to the wall while Janet directs him as to where to place it. Apparently, this is one of many purchases they've made with their anticipated giant Mrs. Ng inheritance check. Janet tells Tommy to move "a little to the left...not Ted Kennedy left." Tommy gets disgusted and puts the TV down, rubbing his lower back. He explains that he wanted to put the TV on a different wall. Janet reminds him that they were hoping to buy the apartment door and get rid of that wall to make more space. Tommy complains about the money they're spending, and then moves on to complain about the décor, especially the empty birdcages and the ugly hot-air balloons on the wall. They are pretty goddamn ugly. Janet starts rubbing Tommy's lower back, and he stops complaining to moan over how good it feels. Janet walks away and motions Tommy to follow her. Tommy figures out what she means and says that the kids are in the apartment. It doesn't stop him from following Janet into the bathroom for some afternoon delight.
Johnny sits at his desk and looks at a magazine about boats. Another detective walks in and asks Johnny to help him work a case. Johnny expositions that he's just waiting for his father's check to come in, whereupon he will quit the force. He adds that his father's estate lawyer claimed that the Gavins have "a sizable payoff" coming.
Tommy and Janet finish humping and pumping on the bathroom sink. Janet says that their lives are amazing right now, and that she's not just talking about the sex. Tommy says that it's like magic. Janet decides that they should renew their vows in "a little ceremony." Tommy thinks that sounds like a lot of work, and suggests that they just get matching tattoos or something. Janet tells Tommy very seriously that it would be a fresh start, and that they could put everything else in the past. Tommy asks whether she really means "everything," and Janet says that she does. Tommy reluctantly agrees, and Janet tells him that the ring maker will be there in ten minutes. Tommy, who is supposed to be the master manipulator, is shocked that he just got duped.
The ring maker has arrived, and he's explaining the meaning behind each of the stones. Janet likes all of them. Tommy tries to ask which one is cheapest, without actually talking about price. He finds out that the onyx is the cheapest. Janet wonders what one ring with all four stones would look like. Fucking gaudy is what it would look like. Tommy gives her a look of disgust, but realizes he can't really say anything. Tommy pulls out a tiny stone and asks what it is. The ring maker, in a tone usually reserved for talk of bowel movements, says, "That's an agate," and that it means "dirt, soil, the outdoors." Tommy learns that it's cheap and tries to sell Janet on it, because it means that they're common people getting back to their roots. Janet gets up and walks off. Tommy yells at the ring maker for not bringing cubic zirconium or something, and then runs off after Janet.
Janet and Tommy meet up in the bedroom, where Tommy continues to try the "back to the earth from whence we came" hard sell. Janet interrupts to tell him that he should be dead. Tommy doesn't know what she's talking about. Janet reminds him: "9/11. The Harlem Tenement fires in '88. That fall that you took two weeks ago. Tommy, how many second chances do you think you're going to get?" Tommy has no answer. Janet points out that most of the couples they went to school with are either dead or divorced, and that this isn't about money. It's about the little time they have left together. So if it's not about money, she's fine with the agate, right?
Chief shaves with a straight razor, so you know that's going to be important later, because no one shaves with a straight razor on television unless someone's going to use it to injure (a) someone else or (b) him- or herself. Chief nicks his neck and turns to find Jeannie standing in the doorway, clutching a stuffed tiger. He urges her to go downstairs and get breakfast from Rose. Jeannie just stares at him for a while before moving on.
Mike showers at the firehouse. They have the tallest showerheads in the world, because you can't even see it in the shot and the water is coming from directly over his head. ["Maybe he's just really short." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, he lathers up and his hand moves out of frame to the south, and he get a big grin on his face. Until suddenly he stops grinning and glances down, disturbed.
Mike marches into the locker room, soaking wet and wearing a towel, and tells Garrity that he has serious problems. Garrity thinks he's talking about the fact that they're going to be late for their movie, but Mike says that he felt a lump on his testicle. Garrity is sure it's nothing, and tells Mike, "Think of your marble bag like a chick's purse. There's all kind of shit in there you don't know about, and if you go nosing around, you're bound to find something you don't like." Mike points out that he's pretty familiar with his balls, and that something's new down there. Garrity wants to get going, but realizes that Mike is totally serious, so he agrees to take a look. Mike says that you can't see it, and Garrity knows that, so he tells Mike to spread 'em and avert his eyes. Garrity goes in for the grab, and Mike cringes. Garrity rolls his eyes and rubs his hands together to warm them up first, and then grabs Mike's family jewels. He tells Mike to cough, and Mike actually does it, which makes Garrity laugh. Garrity decides that he needs to feel his own balls with one hand while feeling Mike's with the other, for comparison's sake. So he's standing there with one hand down his own pants and the other under Mike's towel, and he says he feels a lump or something. He's so into what he's feeling that he doesn't notice Laura standing in the doorway at first. Garrity jumps, like, a mile and tries to act casual. Laura looks horrified, and then shakes her head like she doesn't want to know, and walks out. Garrity says that they probably shouldn't go to a movie together, and advises Mike to get his situation checked out. They both awkwardly run out of the room.
Laura walks through the house. Franco calls out to her and jogs to catch up. Laura says she's in a hurry, and that she needs to get home and take a shower. Franco tries to make it all sexy by mentioning candles and wine and a bubble bath. Laura says that she told him it was over. Franco launches into a speech about how they were shitty to each other with the jealousy thing, but that he knows that he loves Laura because of how far he would go to hurt her. Laura can't believe he thinks that. Franco tells the story of his own parents, and how his mother's brother disapproved of his father, so his father beat up his mother's brother, and his mother was so impressed that they got married immediately. Laura gives Franco a look of disgust and suggests that he go ask Garrity and Mike to take a bath with him. Franco can't believe Laura didn't fall for his tale of romance straight out of a Nora Ephron movie.
Mike waits at the doctor's office. He asks the receptionist how much longer it will be, and she says she'll check. As she walks away, Mike spots a sexy lady doctor, who gives him the eyeball.
Cut to Mike in the doctor's office, explaining how the lady doctor undressed him with her eyes. We get a nice shot of Mike's bare ass throughout this scene, due to the gown he's wearing. His doctor basically says that Diana, the lady doctor, is a total slut. Mike thinks he might have a shot, and the doctor agrees. Mike stands up, and the doctor says he needs to apply some gel to Mike's testicles for the ultrasound. As the doctor prepares for the examination, he muses that Diana has probably had sex in every room of the clinic, and that Mike has a good shot with her, since he's a firefighter. Mike gets a goofy grin on his face as he stands there with his eyes closed. As the doctor goes to apply the gel, he notices that Mike is, well, aroused, and asks if everything's okay. Mike apologizes, and the doctor looks slightly uncomfortable.
Teddy and Pa Gavin direct some movers to get the "hoity-toity furniture" out of Mrs. Ng's apartment. Teddy decides that they need row upon row of recliners and a wall full of LCD TVs. Pa agrees that Jenny would have wanted it that way, and a decorator nearby takes notes. Tommy and Johnny walk in, and Johnny asks where all the pussy went. Tommy says he's been asking the same thing since high school. I still think they made Mrs. Ng a cat lover just for all the pussy jokes. Teddy explains that they put all the cats with Jeffrey in another wing. Tommy and Johnny announce that they have a surprise, and Tatum O'Neal walks in and says, "Hey, Daddy." Another Gavin! This one is apparently named Maggie, but her father calls her Peggy Sue.
Maggie and Pa immediately get into a fight over which name she prefers (she likes Maggie), and Maggie slouches in a cheer and asks Tommy for some vodka. He complies, and Maggie also lights up. Teddy explains that Pa's wife died, and Maggie thinks he's talking about her mother. Teddy says he's talking about "Mrs. Nig" and Maggie blurts, "You married a black chick?!?" I laughed out loud at Tatum O'Neal's delivery of that line, and also at the bemused look Johnny and Tommy gave each other, trying not to crack up. Pa corrects Teddy's pronunciation, and Maggie says that she was "a Chink broad." Pa thinks Maggie is just there to get some of the inheritance, and Maggie pretends she doesn't know about the money. Pa says that Maggie didn't even attend her own mother's funeral. Maggie says that she was in jail, and it's Johnny's turn to be alarmed. Maggie says that it was a bar fight, and calls the woman she beat up a "stupid cooze." Yep, she's a Gavin. Pa thinks the whole story is horseshit. Maggie curses her father and his "dead Chink wife," and orders Tommy to take her to the hotel. I would love to see more interaction among the Gavin siblings. That's my favorite part of the show. Teddy caps off the scene by noting, "Well. She's mellowed."
Chief walks into the kitchen and finds Rose snoozing at the table. He says hello, and she wakes up and says she thought he was working a double. Chief says that he got off early, and Rose offers to warm up some dinner. She's not a nurse. She's a wife! Chief asks about Jeannie, and Rose says she had "some good moments" but kept talking about a little girl named Sheri. Chief asks if it could have been Shelley, and then dismisses it as "nonsense," even though he clearly knows what it means. Rose puts her hand on Chief's shoulder and tells him that he's a good husband and that he'll get through this. Chief takes Rose's hand, and it seems a little romantic, but then he says that he should go see Jeannie. Rose agrees, and leaves.
Chief walks into Jeannie's bedroom and says that she should be asleep by now. Jeannie says she was dreaming about Shelley. Chief tries to distract her from the topic, but Jeannie goes on to talk about how Shelley was all grown up, and they had tons of grandbabies. She weaves a tale about their lives as they could have been, and smiles. Chief tells her that it was just a dream, and that Shelley died when she was a baby. Jeannie says she knows this, but that she likes dreaming about her, because it means she remembers Shelley: "And if I can remember her after all these years never mentioning her name, it means I'll remember you, and Peter. I can take you with me when I go." Chief tells Jeannie that she's not going anywhere. Jeannie apologizes for what she's put Chief through, and Chief says she doesn't need to. Jeannie says, "Things may be muddled most of the time, but I'm clear in mind when I tell you now that I love you. I love you despite all the things that I hate about you. All the lousy, unspeakable things you've done. All your terrible flaws are forgiven. Did you hear me, you old fool? I love you." It probably doesn't mean like much, but it's very well-delivered and a touching scene as Chief tells Jeannie that he loves her too, and they kiss tenderly.
Maggie is in Tommy's kitchen, and he plies her with vodka he keeps in the freezer, which seems like a bad idea for a recovering alcoholic. Maggie says she thought she and Tommy had a special bond, and that he only likes her because she's the only person the family hates worse than they hate him. Tommy thinks that may be true, but says he does love her, and that Johnny likes her. Maggie says that Johnny's scared of her, Uncle Teddy tolerates her, and her father hates her. She sits down and says that she's "spiteful, angry, untrustworthy, hateful, and dishonest, just like Dad." Tommy agrees, and Maggie says that she's trying to get better. Tommy says he is too, and Maggie says she can tell. Maggie rips on the decorating in the place, particularly the empty birdcages. Those are the same things Tommy objected to -- I guess we're to think that Maggie and Tommy are a lot alike. Tommy explains that Mrs. Ng was loaded, and Dad is the sole beneficiary. Maggie wonders what they'll do if the money doesn't show up. Tommy says that Janet is on a new kick to be in the now. Maggie thinks that sounds great, and says it's how she lives. Tommy looks taken aback, maybe realizing that Janet's new philosophy isn't the greatest idea if it means living like Maggie.
Garrity is at a strip club, reaffirming his heterosexuality with Franco, who's pouting. Franco says he's in love with Laura, and Garrity says he doesn't think Franco can limit himself to one girl. Franco says, "I've climbed every mountain, I've been to every valley, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for." Garrity asks, "Have you checked where the streets have no name, Bono?" That was funny, but Garrity's not that quick. Tommy would have said that. Or Lou.
Meanwhile, Laura is at a bar with a friend named Dawn. Laura thinks that maybe Franco can change. Dawn points out that there's no room for lies when two people live and work together, and that it's unhealthy.
Franco and Garrity discuss when Garrity accompanied Franco to NA, and how Garrity wasn't really there to support Franco, which Franco is fine with. He understands the desire to "go trolling," and brings up the time he went to Garrity's cousin's graduation party. Garrity is shocked that Franco "banged [his] sweet cousin, Angie." Franco says he didn't, but then says that he banged Garrity's sister. Garrity protests that his sister was seventeen, but Franco says he waited a year. Garrity thinks it over and decides he's okay with it.
Laura tells Dawn that she knows Franco is trying to change, but that he keeps getting in his own way, and that's why she loves him. Dawn says that Laura loves what she hopes Franco will become, but that he'll never change. Laura thinks he can.
Franco explains that men don't have a conscience, and they need a woman to be that for them. What bullshit. Although I can totally buy that Franco believes that with all his heart. Franco points out that Laura was always there for him, even when there was nothing in it for her personally, and that's why he needs her in his life. Franco prepares to leave, but not before fronting Garrity some money so that he can purchase sexual favors from the strippers.
Mike tells Garrity about his problem in the doctor's office, and how awkward it was, and how the doctor asked him to have dinner with him the week. Garrity begs Mike to tell him that he turned down the doctor's offer, but Mike can't. Garrity says, "Now you've entered the final frontier. Congratulations, gaylord." Mike points out that he's got bigger problems, like possible ball cancer, and that he has to go back to the doctor's office to get his test results. Garrity suggests, "Bring flowers."
Garrity and Franco carry some gym equipment into the house, and Tommy starts yelling at them. Apparently, he told them he would pay for the addition of a workout room to the house, but he just wanted them to start building the room, not to buy equipment. Before Tommy can explain that he doesn't want to count his chickens, etc., Janet walks in. She's got a big book of wedding announcements. Tommy pretends that he wants even more gym equipment in order to prove that he's embracing Janet's new life philosophy. Garrity overhears Janet talking about wedding announcements and thinks they're talking about Colleen getting married. Janet laughs and says that she and Tommy are renewing their vows. Garrity didn't realize you had to do that. Tommy explains that they don't have to, they want to, and that he was hoping to surprise them. Tommy walks out of the room with Janet and orders Garrity to buy even more stuff, like free weights, but makes a gesture like, "Ignore everything I'm saying right now." Garrity asks Chief, "Where the hell am I going to get free weights?" as in weights that don't cost anything. Beat. Beat. Garrity gets it, thinks about explaining his confusion, realizes it's just going to make him sound dumber, and walks off. And Steven Pasquale manages to convey all that through his facial expression and body language.
Mike arrives at the doctor's office. As his name is called, he grabs some flowers from a vase on a table, heeding Garrity's advice. The receptionist says that there were some "irregularities with the equipment." Mike thinks she's talking about his equipment, but she explains that they need to redo the examination. Mike has no intentions of going through that again, and tells her that they can "take the nut" because "one's plenty." The receptionist explains that Mike's regular doctor is out, so the hot-to-trot doctor will be doing his exam. Mike is suddenly psyched about his bad nut, and shoves the flowers at the receptionist, who deadpans, "I'll put them back in the vase." I wish Mike would date the receptionist.
Garrity and Mike hang out in the weight room. Garrity says he's been thinking about Mike's potential ball cancer, and points out that it could all turn out okay: "Look what happened to Lance Armstrong." Mike asks whether Lance Armstrong was diagnosed "before or after he landed on the moon." Garrity explains who Lance Armstrong is, and realizes that Mike doesn't even know what the Tour de France is. Mike answers, "I want to say, wine tasting?" Garrity asks if Mike watches ESPN, and Mike says he doesn't pay attention to bike races. Mike drops the news that he doesn't have cancer and doesn't need anything removed. Garrity congratulates him, and adds that he didn't want to say anything, but that having your balls removed is "kind of a freak show." Garrity asks for the skinny on the thing with the male doctor. Mike explains that he was examined by Dr. Dirty Diana, but that he didn't "respond" the way he did with the male doctor. Mike asks very seriously, "Sean: you think I'm gay, dude?" Garrity says that Mike was probably just nervous. Mike agrees that he was nervous, and adds that he "rubbed one out earlier" so that he "didn't have a round in the chamber." Garrity thinks that was a smart move. Garrity says that they just give Mike shit about being gay because he hangs out with gay guys, and goes dancing with them, and wears gay clothing.
Mike stands up as Garrity babbles some more, and as Mike opens his locker, Garrity starts yelling, "Red River!" All the other guys come into the locker room to witness Mike seeing that they've papered his locker with gay porn images. Garrity thinks it's hilarious and tells Mike that he's "such a homo." He opens his own locker to find even more gay porn, and everyone hoots and laughs. Garrity asks whose idea this was, and Laura wonders if he really thought she was just going to go away and pretend she didn't see anything. They're interrupted by some random dude telling Chief that he has a phone call.
Chief answers the phone. It's clearly Rose, and she says that Jeannie is shut in a room somewhere and won't come out. She needs Chief to come home. Chief says he'll be there as soon as he can, and hangs up.
Sheila and Debbie are grilling out on Sheila's deck. Sheila makes a couple of her usual single entendres, and then asks Debbie to open the wine bottle, but mistakenly refers to Debbie as "T." Debbie doesn't like it. Debbie gets pissed. Sheila doesn't seem to think it's anything more than a garden-variety fight, which makes me think that what's about to happen hasn't really happened often before. Because Debbie walks over and opens the wine bottle, and pours a glass. Sheila returns to normal conversation, until Debbie tosses the glass of wine in Sheila's face. Debbie starts going off on how Sheila is still hung up on Tommy, all while shoving Sheila backward. Sheila tells Debbie to stop it, but doesn't look all that scared, yet. Sheila shoves Debbie back, but realizes that was a bad idea, so she runs inside and barely shuts the sliding door before Debbie tosses the bottle of wine at it and then follows Sheila inside.
Sheila tries to escape out the front door, but Debbie catches up and proceeds to give Sheila a beating that I can't even describe; it's disturbing to watch. She beats the stuffing out of Sheila. And I couldn't decide at first if Sheila was telling the truth when she said Debbie hit her, but I still think she was lying about that. Because Sheila didn't seem fearful when Debbie got angry, and if there were a regular pattern of abuse in the relationship, it seems like Sheila would have immediately backed down when Debbie started to get pissed, rather than risk another violent confrontation. But maybe I'm overanalyzing. Regardless, it's scary, and difficult to watch. Especially the part where there's a knock at the door, and Debbie interrupts the beating to sign for a package while warning Sheila not to say a thing. Sheila cringes on the floor and stays silent. Debbie closes the door and tosses the package of gardening tools onto Sheila's back, and then walks off.
Lou (Lou! Where have you been this week?) goes into a storage unit or a basement or someplace where he's storing all his furniture, and finds a framed print of the Last Supper. He turns it over and peels the brown paper on the back away to reveal wads and wads of cash stuffed inside. He does this very slowly, as if he's having second thoughts about it even as he's removing the cash.
Chief arrives at his house and calls out to both Rose and Jeannie. No one responds. He heads upstairs and finds Rose sitting on the floor in the hallway, unresponsive. She looks extremely upset and says, "My husband, toward the end of his life, said a lot of ugly, horrible things to me. You knew that it didn't mean anything. You knew it came out of nowhere. But some of the time, it still stung you. On his worst day, nothing ever like that." She gestures to the bathroom. Chief knocks on the locked door, calling to Jeannie to open the door. Rose suddenly stands up and calls Chief's name, and then points to a river of blood flowing from beneath the door. Chief breaks down the door and finds Jeannie lying on the floor, his straight razor in her hand, and her throat slashed. Chief tells Rose to call 911, and then holds Jeannie in his arms as he tries to stanch the flow of blood and sobs. Jeannie appears to be still alive, but barely. Something about this whole scene was fishy, like, did Jeannie wait to slit her throat until Chief got home? The scene she was in made it seem like she knew she was going to kill herself, so why did she call Rose horrible names? Maybe we'll find out more week, if Jeannie survives.
Tommy sits in the waiting room of a wedding-dress shop as Janet puts on a dress and babbles about the future. She thinks that, when the kids are out of the house, they can travel to Africa, and buy a house down the shore. Tommy listens to this line of bullshit, and it seems to stress him out a great deal, but he keeps taking deep breaths. Janet comes out in her dress, and Tommy has no words. It's hard to tell if it's because she looks great, or because he's freaking out. Or both.
Tommy and Janet arrive at Pa Gavin's house, Maggie in tow. Pa is not happy to see Maggie there. Tommy tells Pa that people can change, and offers himself up as an example, because he quit drinking. Pa says that just means Tommy is a pussy, but he's willing to talk to Maggie, if she'll tell him what she wants to get out of this. Maggie says that she has no expectations, but that she wants to be a part of the family again. Pa tells Maggie that she reminds him of Mrs. Ng, because Mrs. Ng was a huge bitch. Somehow, this counts as a reconciliation, and they hug.
Sheila sits at the kitchen table, dazed, and her face a lumpy maze of cuts and bruises. Debbie explains that she just gets angry when Sheila talks about how great Tommy is. Debbie dabs at Sheila's cuts and apologizes. Sheila remains silent, but blinks back tears, and Debbie calls her a good girl. Chilling.
Lou shows up at Dani's place, grinning and carrying a duffel bag. She offers him a beer, and he notices that she winces as she moves some things around to clean up. Lou insists that she show him where she's hurt, and she pulls down one shoulder of her sweatshirt jacket to reveal fingerprint-sized bruises on her arm and back. Lou gets pissed and shows her the cash he got from his storage area. He explains that it's the money to buy out her contract from F-bomb. Dani refuses to take it for a moment, but not too long, and she throws her arms around Lou and hugs him. The same arm she could barely move a moment before. Bad continuity, or is she faking it? You make the call.
The Gavins are all assembled in the living room at Mrs. Ng's apartment when a lawyer walks in. The lawyer sits down and announces that Mrs. Ng has put a sizable account in Pa Gavin's name, and that the rest of her money will be spent making sure her cats are cared for. Also, some of her money will go to research to prevent or treat cat cancer. Teddy thinks Mrs. Ng is "a fruitcake," but the Gavins are all psyched about the loot. Pa Gavin gets right to the bottom line, and asks how much. The lawyer says it's $50,000. Johnny says, "To the cats?" The lawyer says that Pa's share, and that the bulk of the estate goes to the cats. Behind Johnny, you can see Jeffrey holding a cat and looking smug. Johnny yells that the lawyer told him that Pa would get "a sizable payout," and the lawyer retorts that $50,000 isn't exactly chump change. Maggie asks if they're still going to share the fifty grand. Teddy can't believe Mrs. Ng left her millions to the cats and the cancer foundation. He decides he must have cancer, and the lawyer points out that the money is for cat cancer. Tommy asks if that's it. The lawyer says that Jeffrey has made a list of charges the Gavins have accrued since Mrs. Ng's death, and that the family owes the estate $20,000. Teddy loses it and totally goes Daffy Duck on Jeffrey as Johnny holds Teddy back and Pa buries his head in his hands. Did you really expect this to go any other way?
Connor's riding his new bike in the street as Tommy works on his truck. Connor asks if Tommy wants to see his new trick, and Tommy orders him to go in the house first and put on his helmet. Connor reluctantly agrees, and Tommy goes back to working on his truck. Jimmy appears, and he and Tommy bullshit about the upcoming vow renewal. Tommy thinks that Janet has "a blueprint for the twenty, thirty years," when Tommy can't even plan a week ahead. Tommy adds that he can't guarantee that he'll be happy tomorrow, but that he knows seeing Janet in the wedding dress made him happy. As they laugh over how hot Janet is, a car speeds by, and then screeches to a stop and there's a thud. Tommy looks over to see what's going on, and a guy gets out of the car and wobbles over to look at what he hit. The drunk driver looks just like Joss Whedon, strangely enough. Joss Whedon glances at something lying on the ground behind a parked car, kind of shrugs, glances back at Tommy, and then gets back into his car and speeds away. Tommy stares at the car's license plate as it takes off.
Janet walks outside with some food for Tommy. He asks her warily if she passed Connor on her way out, and Janet says that she thought he was outside already. Tommy starts calling Connor's name and walking toward the scene of the accident. When he gets to the spot where Joss Whedon stopped the car, he sees Connor's bike on the ground, and Connor splayed out and bloody, lying nearby. Tommy's face is a mask of shock and nausea.
Janet sees Tommy bend down, and then stand back up with a bloody and floppy Connor in his arms. She drops the plate of food she was holding, but doesn't even notice it shattering on the pavement. Tommy yells at her to get in the truck and assures her that Connor is fine. I don't know if Denis Leary is holding the actual kid or a dummy, but his limbs are very floppy. Janet starts sobbing and cries out that Connor isn't breathing, and Tommy continues to insist that he's fine.
As they drive to the hospital, Tommy runs red lights and glances over at Janet rubbing Connor's hair.
They arrive at the hospital, and Janet and Tommy run inside with Connor. The doctors take over, moving Connor into a treatment room. They work on him as Janet and Tommy watch from outside. After a moment, Janet decidese she can't watch and turns her face into Tommy's chest, so Tommy ends up watching for both of them. After a moment, the doctors stop working. The head doctor comes to the door and just gives Tommy a look, but Tommy can see for himself that the medical personnel are just cleaning up the blood, and not giving compressions or anything. Janet raises up her head, and looks into Tommy's eyes. When she sees his face, she shakes her head no and starts sobbing. She runs into the room and buries her face in Connor's chest, sobbing. Tommy stands behind her, stone-faced. Janet lifts her head and looks at Connor's face, and then kisses him on the forehead. She's covered in his blood. She turns to look at Tommy, who has yet to shed a tear, and slaps him across the face. And then slaps him again. And then she walks out of the room, looking like she's about to vomit. Tommy approaches his only son's lifeless body and closes Connor's eyes.
Well, that was fucking depressing. What are they going to do in the finale -- have Tommy commit suicide in front of his kids and the guys from the house? Note: that's not a spoiler. I fucking hope.