We open on Sam, our protagonist of above-average looks and below-average intelligence. Cue Beck's "Devil's Haircut," and we're out of the gate running with the painfully obvious allusions to all thing Satanic. Sam gets ready for his retail job and heads downstairs, where his parents are talking. It's Sam's birthday, but they're not all smiles. His mom looks particularly concerned, saying, "I want you to have a wonderful day, no matter what happens." They head into the kitchen, and Sam's younger brother Kyle ribs him. Sam, however, is momentarily transfixed by an anvilicious news report about an apartment fire. Sam snaps out of it and spars with Kyle about which of them is the bigger loser. Does there have to be only one?
Suddenly the Designer Impostors version of Jack Black enters. It's Sam's friend Bert Wysocki, a.k.a. Sock, a.k.a. Jack Black Lite. JBL wishes Sam a happy birthday and from the get-go establishes that he's a real wisenheimer of the har-har variety. I suppose every hour-long dramedy-thriller-mystery-action adventure has to have at least one. Dad, Sam, and JBL banter about birthday plans. Sam's involve being lazy and useless, just like every other day of his life so far. JBL's involve killing a hooker in Vegas. And Mom's involve running away in tears. Dad gawps at how awkward breakfast has become, and Sam begins to suspect something’s awry. Apropos of nothing, JBL jokes about Ma and Pa Oliver having sex. Way to dust off the classics, Beavis.
The guys ride Sam's white '92 Taurus station wagon into the parking lot of The Work Bench. As JBL tells Sam to get ready for the evening's festivities by wearing "puke-resistant clothing," Sam bemoans his existential crisis. He's worked in the same place -- a warehouse store, no less -- since he was 16. Quelle horreur! That sounds like a problem only the forces of evil themselves could solve! Apropos of that, a rabid dog is now jumping and growling at the wagon's passenger side door. (The Devil's in this detail, I suspect.) Because he's bored enough for a random act of cruelty, JBL opens the car door and whacks the crap out of the pooch, then laughs his Jack-Black-imitating ass off.
As the boys walk into work, JBL, ever the lothario, advises Sam about asking Andi, his coworker crush, on a date. Sam claims he's tried in the past but timing got the better of him when Andi's dad died. JBL is predictably callous, insisting that Sam can prey on Andi's low standards, and indeed should do so before she realizes what losers they both are. Devil in the detail the second: Sam spots an errant grocery cart and goes to put it up. Before he can reach it, the cart rolls off as if he moved it with his mind. Sam is baffled, but minimum wage calls, so he heads into the warehouse.
In the Work Bench employees' lounge, a low-level manager with the power lust of Dwight Schrute and the appearance of Buster Bluth reprimands the employees indiscriminately. Andi wishes Sam a flirty happy birthday, and we're introduced to another employee -- a.k.a. Ben, a.k.a. the lanky Latino from Biker Boyz and Roll Bounce. Meanwhile, Manager Ted points to color-coded bar chart and says that everyone is doing well in sales -- "except for a select few who think their time is better spent constructing beer bongs." That would be JBL and Sam, of course. At this point, JBL makes a dumb-ass crack in response to Tedager's scolding, but I'm going to now and forevermore skip recapping JBL's dumb-ass cracks because we'll never get through it alive. Moving forward, it's safe to assume that JBL offers some sort of stupid remark every time anyone on the show speaks, breathes, or blinks.
Anyway, Tedager announces that the employee with the highest sales will win a free, 20-pound spiral-cut ham. A voice off-screen interjects, "I'm Jewish, you jerk!" and Tedager continues, "…or a gift certificate for our Semitic and/or Muslim friends, so go get 'em!" Laugh #1. After the lecture, Andi gives Sam his birthday present. He makes a lame attempt at inviting her on a date but fumbles the pass. Sam babbles pathetically as Andi walks off, and JBL cringes in the background. Being judged by a slacker on a futon. Now that's gotta hurt.
In the warehouse, Sam watches more fire reports until Tedager rolls up to tell him to take his job more seriously. And, thud. Speaking of heavy things dropping, an air conditioner box conveniently dangling above Andi becomes dislodged from a forklift and nearly falls on her. Luckily, we've reached Devil In Detail #3 -- Sam miraculously runs over and flies Superman-style, deflecting the box. As they walk into the stock room, JBL makes a ruckus about Sam being a hero, but Sam shuts him down, saying that he didn't even touch the box and pointing out that it's the second time something has flown away from him that day. To prove (or disprove) this point, JBL throws a bleach bottle at Sam's face. Of course it hits Sam square in the schnozz. Yuk yuk.
Later, Andi spots Sam in the warehouse and stops by to thank him for being brave. She actually compares him to Batman. I'm not sure if Sam should really be considered a hero, or if Kevin Smith's comic book obsession just crept into the script as he was directing. Either way, Sam reveals he's still just Bruce Wayne as he makes another pitiable showing of asking her on a date. Andi, however, is too concerned by the pack of rabid dogs gnashing their teeth in the same aisle. Andi scoots, Sam runs and screams like a girl, and JBL comes to the rescue with a leaf blower. Sam throws in his work smock for the afternoon because two run-ins with rabid dogs are all he needs on his birthday.
Driving home, Sam is suddenly surprised by a man (Ray Wise as The Devil) is in his backseat. The stranger is suave, but he's a stranger no less, and Sam thinks he's a carjacker. The WiseGuy is quick to point out that he'd be a real fool to want to steal this piece of crap. Then he formally introduces himself, and vamooses -- but only after sending Sam careening into a dumpster. Hasta la vista, exposition.
Back at the Oliver abode -- 667 Obvious Pun Lane -- Sam walks in to find Dad waiting for him. After Sam walks Dad through all the eerie events of the day, Dad tells Sam to sit down. He explains that Sam's parents promised his soul to the Devil before he was born because Dad was very sick. In exchange for a cure, the Devil demanded the soul of their firstborn. They devised a devious plan to get out of their debt by not having children, but that wily scamp Satan tricked them, and they conceived. Twenty-one years later, Sam just got the worst birthday gift ever.
Sam skedaddles to the bar, where he downs a huge beer -- out of a Ho cup to match JBL's Pimp cup (Laugh #2) -- and then slams four shots. We meet another character, a district attorney (who we later learn is named Josie), who serves no purpose save to exchange sassy barbs with JBL, her ex-boyfriend. Poor Josie… Sam cuts the verbal fisticuffs short by snatching JBL away for some guytalk. In the bathroom, Sam breaks the news to JBL. JBL calls Sam a "lucky bastard" and insists it's a good change in Sam's life to have become the "magic devil guy with the kung fu mind grip." He asks if Sam is going to tell Andi. Sam knows better than to paint himself with the Satanic Freak brush and decides to take off.
At home, Sam finally opens Andi's present -- a bracelet with Sanskrit characters on it. He flops down on the pillow and moons for a split second, until WiseGuy appears and snarks, "Oh, that's really nice -- not too gay at all." Are we still making gay jokes in 2007? Thanks for that, Judd Apatow!
Downstairs, WiseGuy makes chicken-fried steak for himself. He rejoices in his lack of cloggable arteries and recognizes Sam's predicament -- though he doesn't so much care. He explains that Sam will be his bounty hunter, tracking down escapees from Hell and taking them to portals of hell on earth, such as DMVs and whatnot. Har har. Yet, true. WiseGuy alleviates Sam's fears by saying that God ultimately wins the Manichean war, and Sam will simply be putting bad guys back where they belong. Sam gives in and asks exactly what he'll have to do.
With that, we're whisked away to a firehouse, where WiseGuy points out a fireman who is, in fact, a fugitive from the underworld. He is actually behind the fires that Sam has been watching on television. The Flamethrower flexes and preens and WiseGuy snarks, "Oh gag, look at that tool! Can you capture him already?" (Laugh #3…more of a chuckle, really, so we'll call it #2.5.) WiseGuy shows Sam a wooden box holding his vessel, i.e. the tool he'll use to recapture escapees. I, for one, have a feeling some serious prop-based hilarity will emerge from that box. (Sarcasm.) When Sam resists, WiseGuy gets serious. He makes it clear that, if Sam doesn't pay back his parents' debt, he forfeits his mother's soul. He laughs evilly and walks off. Sam and the vessel are transported back home.
At The Bench, the three stooges (Sam, JBL, and Ben) stare at the vessel. Ben says the vessel doesn't look all that evil and goes so far as to doubt the Devil's existence. Way to set yourself up for a fall, dude. (No pun intended.) Sam recounts the odd events of the last two days, inspiring Ben to delve into Manichean philosophy, the Doctrine of Individual Free Will, yadda yadda yadda. Even JBL wants them to get on with it and suggests they go ahead and open the vessel. Smoke seeps out as they open it up, but all the big reveal, well, reveals is a handheld Dirt Devil. JBL and Ben laugh at Sam, but when he turns on the Dirt Devil, it pulls a huge truck into its thrall. Let the hunt begin.
That night, the three stooges drive to the firehouse, where Flamethrower is still washing the truck and flexing his muscles. Ben asks Sam what the plan is, and Sam basically has none, except to turn on the vac and hope for the best. As Flamethrower turns around, he looks suspiciously like Joseph "Whoa" Lawrence. Sadly, it is not. (I guess the show blew its whole production budget on Ray Wise and Kevin Smith.) The stooges walk up, and Flamethrower is immediately hip to Sam's agenda. Sam struggles to turn on the Dirt Devil as Flamethrower sets himself aflame. He stomps the ground, unleashing trail of fire toward the stooges. There is a minor scuffle, but the slackers are clearly outmatched by the arsonist who escaped after 50 years in Hell. Shocker. Ben gets hurt as Flamethrower sets fires all around them. They hop into the Taurus and hightail it out of there.
Sam and JBL look at Ben in his hospital bed. Andi shows up and asks what happened. Because he can't tell her truthfully, Sam snaps at her, and she walks away. Sam resolves to go it alone with the Flamethrower. He returns to the firehouse, but all he finds is a smoldering hole surrounded by news crews and gawkers. So much for that plan.
Sam heads home and finds his mother on the porch. She offers to go to Hell in his place, but he lies that he paid off their debt and got his soul back. He puts her to bed. Down the hall, a bright light glows under his door. Instead of his room, he walks into an ice hockey arena and sits down to WiseGuy. They watch a Zamboni operator circle the rink, and WiseGuy expounds on his love of hockey -- the anger, blood, and such. Sam grouses that he sucks at the whole soul-capturing thing, and offers to bite the bullet and go to the burning abyss. WiseGuy informs Sam that ain't gonna cut it and calls Sam out for giving up all the time. Sam admits he's right. WiseGuy suggests Sam look into his quarry's motivations. Then, as a reminder that he is in fact The Devil and not just some slick jokester, he causes the Zamboni to roll over the operator. It crushes him and leaves a trail of blood on the ice. WiseGuy explains that the operator was a terrible guy -- as well as someone who didn't fulfill his contract. He walks away briefly, then returns to bring home the point -- "Word of caution: I don't accept failure. Ever."
Sam heads back to work to apologize to JBL, who probably never cared and was probably just waiting for a chance to tool around town in pursuit of the Flamethrower. They walk outside, and Sam remembers a pyromaniac that attended their high school. From this memory, he has deduced that Flamethrower may be returning to the sites he burned 50 years ago. They'll need access to criminal records for confirmation. Conveniently, they're now in front of the courthouse, where Sam will pitch Josie to use her security clearance. She ultimately gives in.
In the research room, JBL engages in sophomoric Xerox machine humor -- typical bits about magnifying things and making his ass into letterhead. Real knee-slappers. Meanwhile, Sam and Josie are all business. As happens in television, they immediately find the information they need. Flamethrower's earthly name was Ned Schmecker. He tried to set his school and ex-girlfriend on fire before dying in a blaze he set at his parents' house. Josie notes that the recent fires occurred at all the same places that Schmecker burned back in the day. But there's one place left on the list -- the parents' house, which is now an elementary school.
They leave, and Sam is pumped to get to the school immediately, but JBL says they need to be prepared. They head to The Bench and stock up on jumpsuits, fire alarms, and kneepads. Sam realizes that he had trouble turning on the Dirt Devil last time because it needs recharging. They sit and wait, accompanied by elevator music. It's so funny I forgot to laugh.
They head to the Flamethrower's parents' house-cum-elementary school. It appears a costume ball is happening, but it's about 48 minutes into the show, so that plot thread is dropped like a hot potato. Sam and JBL reach the roof and intercept the Flamethrower axes a water pipe. JBL screams out, "Ned Schmecker, meet the Schmecker Checkers!" Yeah, real intimidating, idiot. Schmecker ignites himself and walks toward them, but Sam douses him with a fire extinguisher. They prematurely celebrate victory -- until Schmecker grabs Sam and tosses him like a rag doll. He returns for the feckless JBL, who is fiddling with the now-empty extinguisher. He gives up and flings it at Schmecker, which, naturally, does absolutely nothing but piss Schmecker off. JBL engages in requisite nervous comic banter as Schmecker prepares to unload a fireball on his ass.
Flamethrower sends a trail of flames toward JBL. But before they reach JBL, Sam uses his new telepathic powers to redirect the flame and send Schmecker flying. JBL gets up and does a happy dance, and we are treated to another mildly homophobic joke. But the Flamethrower bounces back -- this time with even more flames! Alas, the show is now 52 minutes in, and it's time to bid adieu to Ned Schmecker. Sam manages to grab the Dirt Devil and suck him back into the eternal flames.
The day, Sam and JBL deliver the Dirt Devil to the DMV, where a horned attendant with creepy, Michael-Jackson-in-"Thriller" eyes will oversee the fugitive transfer. As she sends the vessel back to the underworld -- just to make sure we're all truly aware of Sam's incompetence -- she notes that she's never seen a vessel like this. He asks her if there are other types. She retorts, "The Boss gives you the vessel he thinks you can handle. You must be a real moron," and laughs in his face.
Back at The Bench, Sam returns to make amends with Andi. She pretends to give him the cold shoulder as he struggles through an apology. Revealing what may have won him the part of Sam, Bret Harrison flashes an adorably endearing half-smile to curry her favor. Andi turns off the ice-princess act and forgives him. He asks her the meaning of the characters inscribed on the bracelet she gave him. She tells him it says bala, or "strength" in Sanskrit, and that it made her think of him. They share a warm moment, which WiseGuy promptly interrupts. All smarm, sparkling white teeth, and silk-suited finesse, that one.
Sam takes WiseGuy aside and calls him out for being an a-hole. He tries to threaten him, saying, "I swear to God," but WiseGuy interjects, "Swear to who? Like I'd play in the kiddie pool." (Laugh #3.5.) WiseGuy smugly congratulates Sam on his first recapture and says that Sam will be happy to know that Flamethrower is "right where he belongs -- gettin' his nuts burned off for all eternity." He calls Sam a hero and hands him another vessel. Sam realizes he'll be stuck with this gig forever. Five years at The Bench doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it? Before departing, WiseGuy mentions that he bought a bunch of stuff and gave Sam the sale so he can win the delicious spiral-cut ham.
Later, the three stooges sit on the loading dock and eat Sam's victory ham. Sam and JBL banter about how ridiculous their lives are. I think it's ridiculous that this is the bit on which the writers ended their pilot. Having not seen the Zamboni incident, JBL proposes that Sam can blow off WiseGuy at any time, but Sam says his new lot in life might actually give him purpose. And it wouldn't be a complete episode without one last sight gag before I vom, so Ben -- out of the hospital and with newly post-burn, Sharpie brows (courtesy of JBL) -- offers to help. The three amigos toast to the new task of doing the Devil's work. Hey, when life gives you lemons…flambé those suckers, right?