By Lady Lola
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Well now, pardon me as I scrape the rust off these here typin' fingers. I'll liken it to riding a bike or proving for the 500th time that, yes, I really do know all the lyrics to Salt N Pepa's "Shoop"; when the time comes to step and up and perform, you just have to let go and let God. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I may be the first recapper to trudge through WGA Strike perdition and come out the other end. Even if I'm not, I must say, it's good to be back. So...friends, demons, countrymen, lend me your ears...
In case you've forgotten over the last 38 months or so, our unlucky huh-ro is Sam, a 21-year-old home store employee with absolutely no game. His parents sold his soul to the Devil, a.k.a. WiseGuy, a.k.a. Hey It's That Guy! Ray Wise. So, Sam festers in retail hell by day and reaps escaped souls from real Hell by night. Fortunately, he has a schlubby Scooby Gang in friends Ben and Bert "Sock" Wysocki, the stocky shtick addict that I prefer to call JBL (Jack Black Lite). Also in the mix: Andi, Sam's best girlfriend, whom he wants as his actual girlfriend...and, in the meanwhile, Cady, Sam's substitute-Andi whom JBL dubbed "Beelzebabe" because she may be WiseGuy's bastard daughter. Y'all caught up? Thought so. Okay. We now return to our regularly scheduled hijinx.
JBL and Ben are being typical boys, which is shorthand for running around and shooting each other with a BB gun. JBL's mom returns from Vegas. But she's not alone. She married Morris the Asian Cowboy. We'll call him MAC.
Over at 667 Hellsville Lane, Sam is gettin' some. You go, boy. Beelzebabe eventually reaches over and sees a necklace -- the same one that (viewers with the memory of an elephant will remember) he tried to give to Andi to ask her to become his girlfriend; she flatly rejected him. Beelzebabe thinks it's for her. Sam awkwardly agrees. I'm sure this isn't the last we'll hear of the "girlfriend necklace." Alas, they're interrupted by a despondent JBL. Update: He may have shot MAC with the BB gun. Now he feels alone in this cruel world, and the only way to solve it is to let B-babe stroke his head, hang out like an awkward third wheel on their relationship, and demand a six-pack.
Early the morning, 4:30 AM to be precise, Sam wakes up to find, who else? JBL, who proceeds to kvetch endlessly about MAC. The rant ends at The Work Bench. Given his deep well of loneliness, JBL is hesitant to report to work, so he asks Sam for a push. The first try is feeble because, let's face it, it's Sam, but the second practically sends JBL into orbit.
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