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Austin. Warehouse. The kids pack for the trip they don't at all deserve. A full-sized bus comes to pick them up. Wes camera-ghosts that he's always wanted to go to Costa Rica. Johanna camera-talks that she thinks the trip will bring them all together. When have they ever been "apart"? She thinks everyone is going to get along. Jesus, let's hope not.
Bus. The boys crack wise. Rachel makes a disgusted face. Or maybe that's just her normal puss.
Montage of airport. Plane. Sun goes down. (On this show.)
Well, so, suddenly they're in Costa Rica. Another bus pulls into the dingy little "Hotel Cocal & Casino." Slot machines. No one playing them. As the housemates check into their ugly little rooms, Neh tells us that he himself earned this trip, and that he's going to have fun and see everything before he has to go home. Wow, B/M really went the econo route on the rooms. The kids realize they're right on the water. Geniuses. Danny must have just thought the roaring in his ears was just due to his caved-in cranium.
Beach. Night. The kids run into the water, screaming like morons. Neh had better take off his big giant Africa pendant before that thing pulls him under. Johanna jumps into Wes's arms. Danny clears out his ear. Water frolicking. Water frolicking. The boys decide to nude up. Mel's boobies fall out of her suit. Smart boobs -- trying to get away from getting mauled by drunk Danny every night. Naked boys. Frolicking girls. Nude Wes. Stee VOMITING!
Cab. The kids go out. Wes gawks at some women who, as Neh and the driver both agree, are actually men. "Those are the hottest men I've ever seen in my life!" laughs Wes. "Eh, I've seen hotter," thinks Danny.
"Monkey Bar." Wow, these idiots can find the most touristy dive bars no matter where they are. In the middle of the desert, they could find drunk Australians dancing and shooting bad tequila. Wes camera-pales that they went bar-hopping, and then, while drunk on the street, some locals "roll up" on them and start checking out Mel. Danny gets really pissed, and the boys try to calm him down. Neh tells us that fighting locals is the stupidest thing you can do. Dood, especially when you're one punch away from brain damage, and trust me, Danny, that melon of yours is a mammoth target for some Costa Rican street urchin with rage issues and a hatred of Americans. Danny starts yelling at Neh, pissed that Neh won't back him up here but that he'll fight all he wants in Austin. Neh tells him to "shut up." Danny gets mad. Neh tells us that Danny has no respect "here" and that "it sucks."
“ Mel's boobs bounce, illustrating the topography of Costa Rica's highway system. ”
Restaurant. Danny and Neh sit at the bar. Neh tries to tell him that the guy only looked at Mel, which is going to happen all the time. Danny says he knows, pointing at Mel, who sits at a table; he whines about having a hot girlfriend and how everyone looks at her all the time. Wah! Danny starts going off on how guys look at him like he doesn't deserve her, and that it makes him crazy. Well, he doesn't, but that's beside the point. Or that's exactly the point. Or something. He and Mel will both figure that out one day, nevertheless. Neh tells Danny he can't "go off" here, just like he can't on Sixth Street. Perhaps Neh is gently trying to remind Danny that maybe he shouldn't provoke guys if he's such a Glassjaw that it only takes one punch to almost kill him. Danny rubs his caved-in head, reflecting. Neh then camera-talks, his hair suddenly all crazy long, breaking it down truth-style: Mel is the type of girl Danny has always put on a pedestal; he thinks he's a level below her, and that's why he's so insecure. Smartest thing Neh has said all season.
Morning. Beach. Mel and Danny walk on the beach and hug. She tells us that being in "paradise" with someone she loves and adores is a first for her, and that she really enjoys it. Deep. I wish she were in Taradise instead. That would be a whole lot whorier. Danny camera-talks, a ridiculous do-rag over his alarmingly gigantic dome, keeping the shattered pieces together. He tells us that this is like something out of a "storybook." 1) What is a "storybook," exactly? Why not just a "book"? And 2) Stop lying, Danny. You've never read a book. He and Mel sit on a log. Heh. "Log."
Water. Mountain. Monkey. Short bus. The kids head out to a Canopy Tour. Everyone looks miserable. Mel's boobs bounce, illustrating the topography of Costa Rica's highway system. Wes announces that he'd be enjoying this a lot more if he wasn't so hung-over.
As the short bus arrives, Lacey tells us that you go from treetop to treetop on ziplines. A tour guide gives a canned speech. They have to sign papers. Monkeys. They climb wooden stairs up to a high platform in a high tree. Mel camera-whores that she's afraid of heights. Up top, Danny gives her a pep talk. The kids scream, gliding down the ziplines. Neh asks how much better life can get. It does look fun. Locals grope the girls as they land on the adjacent tree-platforms. Monkey. Mel is scared but does the zipline anyway. Wow, that's the big drama? More ziplining. The kids have to slide down on a cable when it's over. Mel is a little freaked, but she's very good-natured about it and laughs. Danny camera-talks that he's proud of Mel for getting over her fear. Down below, they eat watermelon.
Vulture. Monkeys. A crab.
Hotel. Danny and his felt hat talk to Neh and Wes about how he wants to stay there for the night, and that it's dumb to go to Costa Rica just to go out to shitty bars and do the same thing they do back home. Afterward, Wes asks Neh what Danny's deal is. Neh once again shows he has Danny's number: "He doesn't want Mel talking to other guys. That's the truth behind it." Wes thinks Danny needs therapy. And skull surgery.
“ Danny falls, splitting his head open on coral. He's dead. No, actually, he's surfing with his hat on. I really hope an eel stings him and then steals that fucking hat. ”
Empty restaurant. Mel and Danny have the most boring meal ever, endlessly going over Danny's decision to stay back and how the guys think Mel is just doing it because of Danny (which she is). Danny camera-whines that Wes doesn't "respect" him if Danny doesn't go out. Ooh, not to have the respect of idiot Wes! The horror! Danny adds that Neh doesn't want to hang with him if he doesn't go out and try to "cheat" on Mel. He bitches on about why the boys have to make him feel bad if he doesn't want to do exactly what they want to do. Mel looks so bored. She tells Danny not to let it bother him so much.
Kidnap Road, Costa Rica. The kids drunkenly walk, talking shit about Danny and poor Mel who wanted to go out with them tonight. Rachel thinks Mel is codependent. Wes thinks Danny is insecure.
They arrive at the Monkey Bar. Commercials.
Animal. Lizard. Tree. Short bus. Wes says he's having a great time. Everyone looks tired. Wes talks about how great it is to see the countryside and soak it all in...while we see him actually sleeping on the bus, missing all the countryside. Funny.
Beach. Pelican. Surf Camp. Lacey tells us she's scared of the water. A surf instructor tells them, "Unless you're ready to change your life, don't go surfing." Um...what? The kids carry surfboards out to the water. Lacey's pale skin blinds me as she also camera-talks about not being able to swim. Again.
Beach. Surf lessons on the beach. Wes camera-talks that the lessons are awesome and that he's paying attention, but that it's a lot harder than they made it sound.
Surfing montage! Woohoo! Wes wipes out. Rachel falls. Danny falls, splitting his head open on coral. He's dead. No, actually, he's surfing with his hat on. I really hope an eel stings him and then steals that fucking hat. Rachel falls again. Wes falls into the camera. Neh falls. Lacey falls. Lacey falls. Neh camera-talks that he got the hang of it and ended up loving surfing. Mel's boobs fall out again. Lacey falls again. She camera-talks about wiping out, whining that it's not fun, and as we see the others do successful runs, Lacey gives up and throws her board down onto the sand.
Night. The kids eat and drink at a restaurant, all talking. Wes camera-royals that in the middle of dinner, Lacey announced that Wes looks like Prince Harry. Wes tells us that he kinda sees it. The Boys With Avids get loopy one night while cutting this episode at 3 in the morning in their offices at the Sherman Oaks Galleria; someone clearly used to work at Blind Date because they put a CGI crown on Wes with a trumpet noise. Eh. They do a few still shots of Wes like this. Cute. Now get back to work. Wes says that they devised a "scam" wherein they'll all try to make girls at some bar think that Wes is actually Prince Harry. Wes is making all sorts of plans with the others. Wes then camera-morons that it "ended up" being a bad idea but that they tried it anyway. No, it didn't "end up" being a bad idea. It started out being one.