Landon and MJ go out for a night on the town. MJ interviews that they're going to "stop by a little bar and try to watch the game." As they walk into Tom Drinker's Tavern, MJ is shocked. By the number of people in there? By the type of people? It's not clear. Once they get inside, random drunkies start yelling insults at Landon and MJ, which, again, I don't get. Then again, I don't get people who go out drinking and aren't happy unless the night ends with a fight, but I know people who were like that in our younger days. Landon interviews that people are amazingly rude. MJ suggests that they finish their beers and leave, and Landon agrees.
The day, MJ tells Melanie that they found her bar. Melanie says, "Please, please, please, like, if you don't really like that place, or like you don't have an affinity for it, I absolutely love it." So what is she asking him to do? Not to go there? Not to talk shit about it? Melanie says that when she found out MJ and Landon went to Drinker's Tavern, she hit the table really hard, and MJ laughs. Melanie interviews that Drinker's is her place to go when she needs to get away from the roommates. A scratching needle sound effect cuts to Shavonda, who interviews, "You need time away from me? You don't even know my last name yet, but you need time away from me?" Bitch, I needed time away from you after about two episodes, so can it. And also, was this filmed a lot earlier in the season, or is Melanie just that clueless? How does she not know Shavonda's last name yet? In a confessional, Landon says he senses that Melanie doesn't like him, and that he really cares what people think about him. I feel like we've seen that footage before, but I did a search of recaps and couldn't find it. The moral of the story is that Landon has had problems with Melanie before this.
Shavonda and Karamo get on the subway. A woman nearby is very loud and yelling about something. Shavonda and Karamo exit the subway and Shavonda says that she went to school with girls like that loud woman. Shavonda talks really, really fast as she says that people in school made fun of her for being different, but that they were all exactly the same. Shavonda says she had to explain herself because she's black, but she didn't dress a certain way or like certain music. Karamo asks if she could have talked to those people about it, and Shavonda says no. Karamo says when he first moved in, he thought she was "different than any other sisters [he knew]." Karamo interviews that he really wanted to bond with Shavonda and enjoy Philly together, but that he hasn't been able to "connect with [his] own sister." Shavonda interviews that she's been accused of "acting too white," and says that when she asks people what that means, they can't tell her. Oh, come on. She knows what they mean. I'm not saying she should care, but she knows exactly what they are talking about. Shavonda concludes that she likes who she is, so she doesn't care.
Shavonda and Karamo continue their discussion in the bathroom. ["As you do." -- Wing Chun] Shavonda says that people called her a coconut or an Oreo. Shavonda says that she's a person first. Karamo asks why Shavonda doesn't embrace their culture. Shavonda says that she was raised to look at people without seeing color. Karamo says he doesn't know how to get to that point, and that he was praying the other day that he would start to see the person instead of the color. He gets really, really serious about it, and while I get that he wants to change, I don't know if it's realistic for him to think he can eventually not notice skin color. What I think is more realistic is to note it, and set it aside, and try not to let preconceived notions about that person seep in before you get to know the individual. Anyway. Shavonda tells Karamo to let his guard down. Shavonda interviews that she's aware of slavery and her culture, but that she doesn't let it run her life. In a confessional, Karamo says he's trying to grow and become a better person, and that he feels like he's missed out on things in the past because of his views on race, but that it's hard for him to admit that he was wrong about it.
Landon and MJ go out yet again. They drink Mind Erasers, and then Landon asks for something harder than that. Landon gets a bright yellow t-shirt from some dude that says, "Huggable" and immediately dons it. Landon interviews that he's in a new city and he wants to get to know everyone while he can. MJ has some friends along, and they all start doing shots. MJ voice-overs that when you're drinking, you can tell when you've gone too far, and when you need to stop. MJ tells Landon that it's time to leave, and Landon asks for fifteen minutes. MJ interviews that Landon doesn't have that self-cutting-off mechanism. Landon drunkenly dances around. MJ tells Landon that they have to leave, and Landon agrees to go.
In the cab, Landon starts swearing and getting slightly belligerent for no apparent reason other than drunkenness. They get home, and Landon stumbles out of the cab. MJ interviews that Melanie has decided to bring "half of her little perfect bar" over for an after-party. Everyone is standing outside, for some reason. Landon interviews that Melanie told them that her friends wouldn't like her roommates, so he had a bad vibe going in. Landon walks up and immediately starts yelling and cursing about something. Melanie starts wrestling with him, for some reason, and making a scene. Melanie interviews that when Landon's drunk, you don't know if he'll hurt you or say something mean. Landon starts yelling at Melanie to "step the fuck down," and she gets right in his grill and tells him that she was just kidding around. Melanie's pretty drunk too. And while Landon is being a dick, she's not helping. Landon yells at her again to "step the fuck down," and Melanie steps towards him and sticks her mug right in his face. MJ looks concerned, and Melanie's friends look at Landon like, "Do I need to cut you?"
Landon and Melanie continue arguing, and he says he's pissed that she was pulling his hair. Melanie keeps telling him to chill out. Yeah, that always works. Melanie's friends start saying shit to Landon too, and one dude says, "I'll break your fucking jaw." MJ walks over and asks what they guy said. Chaos reigns, but finally they get the door open. Melanie pulls MJ aside and asks him to take care of Landon. MJ agrees, but Melanie is like, "No, right now." In the background, Landon tells Melanie's friends that they can't come in. MJ grabs Landon and pulls him inside. Melanie interviews that she's shocked at the way Landon is acting, because it's rude and disrespectful. I don't know. I think Landon was kind of a jerk, but if I came home and one of my roommates had invited a bunch of people over that she had previously told me would hate me, and then she got all up in my grill and called me an asshole, and then one of the friends threatened to break my jaw, I might get kind of rude too. And yes, Shavonda, that is a threat.
MJ comes back outside and apologizes to Melanie's friends, explaining that it's Melanie's house too, so she can have friends over. Melanie slurs that if Landon needs to be controlled, they will control him. Inside, Landon asks Shavonda what the fuck is up with Melanie's people. Meanwhile, Melanie and her people do a giggly confessional. I notice that Melanie's people are all male. They all giggle that Landon is a dick, and Melanie laughs and laughs and laughs. Upstairs, Landon is all pumped up and says there's going to be a fight. Melanie's group piles out of the confessional and heads back to the main floor.
Landon sits on the railing upstairs and allegedly listens in while Melanie sits on the fountain downstairs and talks to her friends. Melanie explains that Landon is cool when he's sober, but that he's an asshole when he's drunk, so they should ignore him. Landon starts to walk to his room and -- hey, who's that in the background? That's Melanie! But I thought she was on the floor below, talking shit! Nice editing job. Anyway, Melanie tells her friends just to leave Landon alone.
Melanie and her friends play pool. Landon hangs out in the kitchen alone and starts talking to himself. He says, "Way to go, Mel. You know what, Mel? Take it away." He keeps giving her the thumbs up. Melanie points out what is happening to her friends. Way to leave him alone. Landon digs in the freezer and sarcastically says he wishes he was Mel right now because she's so cool. Melanie tells her friend -- who looks like the undead -- that Landon could call her "a stupid slutty whore bitch" and she wouldn't care. She gets the reaction she wants when Undead Guy says they would beat him up. Melanie interviews that her friend would normally fight Landon, but that they respect her and the house, so they'll hold back. Undead Guy goes to get a beer from the fridge, and Landon invades his personal space and just kind of silently hovers there. Undead Guy just gets his beer, nods at Landon, and leaves without saying anything. It was kind of hilarious. After the guy walks off, Landon flips him off.
Karamo interviews that Landon is different when he's drunk, and becomes "that asshole guy that you don't want to hang around with." Landon fries up a pork chop (?) and says that they might need to call an ambulance. MJ tells Karamo that Landon just put a knife in his back pocket. Cut to Landon walking around the kitchen with a giant butcher knife in his jeans pocket. I seriously thought he was going to cut himself. After an important close-up of the pork chop (or maybe it's a steak) frying, Landon stares menacingly at Melanie's friends. It's hard to look menacing in a t-shirt with "Huggable" on it. Karamo interviews that Landon has gone over the line, and now he's threatening someone's life.
Landon starts a slow-motion walk toward the pool room with the knife in his back pocket. It is seriously about to fall out. Just as Landon reaches the bead curtain that separates the pool room, Karamo intercepts him and asks for some steak. Karamo puts his arm around Landon and leads him back to the kitchen. Karamo interviews that he's intervening because there are a bunch of guys there just itching for a fight, and it could turn ugly.
Karamo calls to MJ, who is standing upstairs talking to Undead Guy. Landon grits his teeth and says, "Get out of my fucking house," and then punches the counter. Karamo tries to wave MJ away from the railing. Landon says, "All these guys that think they're so fucking tough? They're about to get opened up by about three fucking knifes." Landon grabs three giant knives and holds them in one hand, like Landon Knifeyhands. Karamo says that the friends are about to go, and Landon says, "Yeah, they better be about close to being gone." Ooh, scary knife man. I have a hard time taking Landon seriously with that haircut.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. This week, I have been watching a lot (and I do mean a lot) of Law & Order in my own little memorial tribute to Jerry Orbach. And besides Briscoe, my favorite character on the show is Adam Schiff, as portrayed by Steven Hill. I mostly like Hill because his predominant character attribute is that he's constantly eating, and always appears constipated. One of my favorite games to play while watching (besides yelling out, "Objection, your honor! He's leading the witness!" during the courtroom scenes) is, after every one of Schiff's lines, adding something like, "Boy, I'm so backed up. Do you have any Metamucil?" So you can imagine why I end up watching the show alone. Anyway, out of the many, many episodes that I watched this week, I think my favorite one was the one where these people adopt a baby and they claim it died when it fell out of its crib, but then it turns out that they have a creepy, crazy older adopted son who punched the baby in the head. And they keep the kid locked up in a room where the walls are smeared with poop and then they bring him in for a session with Skoda, the psychiatrist, who is probably my second-favorite character on the show. But then it turns out that the baby was already dead when the crazy kid punched him, so then the prosecutors go after the adoption broker and the rest of the episode is pretty traditional. But there were three things that made this episode awesome. One was the crazy kid that they kept locked in his shit room. Two was Skoda, who I sort of have a crush on, even though he played racist evil Schillinger on Oz. And three was that, at one point, Schiff was having an outdoor conference and, for no known reason, he was wearing a white fedora. Why? Why a fedora, and why was it white? Did he think he was going to wander into an episode of Miami Vice? That hat was awesome, and so was the episode. I'll miss you, Jerry Orbach, but you will live on forever in reruns on TNT. And this is where Wing can tell you about her favorite episode.
["Dude, so many. And I have seen them all. But probably my favourite is 'Misconception,' even though it's pre-Briscoe. Yokas from Third Watch and Kellerman from Homicide are this young couple, and she's pregnant and gets mugged and loses the baby, and it turns out that she was having an affair with her boss, this big lawyer, and then we find out that she and Kellerman planned the whole thing, including the pregnancy, and that he was the one who attacked her, and that it was all a huge extortion plot, and that technically killing the fetus wasn't a crime under New York law because of how many weeks old it was so they can't be charged with anything, but Ben Stone goes through with his case against them anyway and in his closing argument he totally chews everything in the room, including the bench, all, 'Nooooo criiiiiiime? A child is dead. No criiiiime?' And he keeps talking about what monsters they are -- which, totally -- but even when he's talking about a violent assault and an intentional miscarriage, he's such a drama queen that you can barely even take him seriously, which is awesome. I loved Ben Stone, and I loved Lenny Briscoe and his many obstreporous ex-wives and ex-wife punchlines. R.I.P." -- Wing Chun]
Undead Guy comes into the kitchen to grab the rest of his beer. Landon says that he has no idea about something, and tosses the knives back on the counter. MJ interviews that he doesn't want Landon to fight the guys, because MJ will have to help, and they'll lose. MJ emphasizes that they can't beat "these tattooed people." Won't the Muja Star help you, MJ? Landon and MJ head into the closet (hee!) for a heated discussion. Landon feels he has been disrespected. MJ says they have to live with it, especially since Mel is into "dudes [they] don't understand." I really didn't see anything that weird about those guys. Well, except that one of them was Undead. MJ says that he knows when to fight his battles. Landon thinks he does, too. MJ says they can't beat up everybody in Philadelphia. Landon just wants to beat up everybody in their house. MJ doesn't think they should stoop to their level. Landon slurs, "You know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm pissed! Congratulations. That's me." I think "Congratulations. That's me" is this season's "Boom! Bazooka Joe!" Landon starts crying about who he is, I guess, and walks out. MJ follows Landon out of the closet.
Sarah hangs out with Melanie and her friends and interviews that she finds them amusing and thinks they are good guys. They do a group hug as Mel's friends leave. Melanie calls out that she loves them and they are her boys. She adds that they are all tough, but that they are sweethearts when you get to know them. Karamo and Melanie try to discuss Landon's actions. Melanie says that, the day, Landon will just apologize for being drunk again. Melanie voice-overs that she's over drunk Landon, and that they've all told him that they wish he wouldn't drink so much.
The morning, Landon walks into the house with some food and sarcastically tells Melanie that her friends are nice. Melanie gives him the silent treatment. Landon admits that he thought they were really mean. Melanie asks what was the first thing he did when he met them. Landon doesn't know. Melanie says that he told them all that they couldn't come in. She adds that he was disrespectful and rude to all of them before they said anything to him. Melanie says that she's allowed to have friends over, and that Landon shouldn't prejudge them before they walk in the door. Landon says that she invited them to prejudge her friends when she said they wouldn't like each other, and also when she asked Landon and MJ not to go to Drinker's. Melanie denies doing that and turns it back on Landon, blaming his drinking. She concludes, "I think you have a serious drinking problem." Landon says he doesn't talk about problems with his roommates, and that it comes out when he's drunk. He apologizes for his lack of respect, and thanks Melanie for accepting it.
Landon, Shavonda, and Karamo go out to eat and talk about Karamo's desire to see the person instead of the race. Karamo says that he never wanted to do that until he talked to Shavonda about it. Karamo interviews that Shavonda has opened his mind to seeing people differently. Karamo tells the others that his guard is down now, and Landon says it's hard to do, because it means taking the chance to be hurt. Shavonda says that she didn't want to hang out with Karamo because she felt judged by him, but now that's changed. Shavonda interviews that she doesn't feel that the world is out to get her, as Karamo does.
Landon admits that he doesn't feel like Melanie likes him at all. Karamo explains that Melanie likes Landon, but that she doesn't like him when he's drunk, and that she's sick of him apologizing for his behavior after the fact. Landon interviews that he needs to worry about how he behaves when he blacks out. Um, how about worrying about the fact that you black out? On a regular basis? Karamo says he didn't see the incident with Melanie's friends at the door, but that he did see Landon put a knife in his back pocket, and he also saw Landon grab three knives and start waving them around. Landon thinks Landon's behavior is unacceptable, and it makes him sick to hear it. Shavonda interviews that Landon is scared and worried. Landon seems blown away by this news, like he clearly had no memory of it.
Landon and Mel have a talk in the hallway of the house. Landon says he's sick of acting like a drunken idiot. Melanie agrees that it sucks, and that she hates that she's scared of him when he's like that. Landon says that Shavonda feels the same way, and that it's not what he wants. Landon says he needs to end it. So he's going to quit drinking, then? Landon adds that he's going to limit himself to five drinks. Okay, first of all, I can't remember the last time I had five drinks in one night. But I am old, and a lightweight to boot. But I really thought Landon was going to quit drinking for the rest of his stay. Melanie agrees that five drinks sounds good. Melanie interviews that she thinks it's great that Landon is taking responsibility for his problem, and that it's very adult of him. But not as adult as quitting altogether would be. To me, if you have a huge problem with quitting, that might be a sign that you have a drinking problem. Landon tells Melanie that she can help by constantly asking him what number drink he's on. Yeah, that won't get annoying. I'm sure Landon won't lash out at them over that one.
The roommates go to some sort of Rock and Bowl. They buy pitchers of beer, and Melanie pours a drink and tells Landon it's number one. Melanie interviews that she thinks they can help Landon by monitoring his drinking. Does anyone else think this is the worst idea ever? Both for Landon to try to just restrict his drinking, and for the roommates to monitor it? I foresee arguments where Landon says he only had a half-glass, so it doesn't count, or that he doesn't think he should count the three beers he had at home before they went out. The roommates bowl and have a good time. Landon interviews that he's proud that he can have fun and maintain control. MJ advises Landon to bowl a strike. MJ interviews that they all have to learn their limits, and that it's taken Landon longer to learn his. And then, Landon bowls a strike. Drinking problem conquered!