Boats, boats, boats! It's the all-boat edition, in honor of Frankie's departure. Mamie and Frankie walk outside so that Mamie can say goodbye. They walk awkwardly arm-in-arm as Mamie says that she doesn't want to leave. It's funny, because Mamie wears a lot of the same clothes as Frankie, but on Mamie they are cute, because she's fourteen, and that's when you are supposed to wear those kinds of outfits. Frankie interviews that Mamie doesn't think her sister is a quitter, because she knows that Frankie has reasons for her decisions. Yeah -- most of the time, that reason is, "To get maximum attention and to create maximum drama." Frankie asks Mamie whether she would stay or go. Mamie says that she would stay even if she weren't happy, but that's why they're different. Mamie says that Frankie makes herself happy and Mamie does as she's told. No, Frankie is selfish and bratty and never happy, and Mamie understands that sometimes you have to do something unpleasant in order to grow as a person. Frankie hugs Mamie.
Frankie's mom stands nearby and smokes, and while I don't condone smoking, especially around someone with a lung disease, I think that trying to parent Frankie would drive anyone to destructive behavior. I'm surprised she's not shooting up. Frankie interviews that she and her mom are very different. Yeah, her mom doesn't suck. Frankie tells Mamie to call when they get home. Mamie cries and gets into the car as Frankie walks back into the house. Frankie's family leaves.
Brad and Randy discuss what their Halloween costumes should be. Randy wants to be something morbid, like a dead gangster. Randy interviews that Halloween is his favorite day, and that they all decided to get dressed up. Randy wonders where he could buy a good Italian-style moustache. Is that a moustache that's been seasoned with basil and oregano? Brad says that it will be "Mario Brothers-style." The soundtrack editor lays in a blooping videogame noise. Randy starts singing the old-school Mario Brothers theme song. Brad thinks they should dress up as Mario and Luigi. Randy loves that idea. Brad starts imitating Mario and Luigi moves while driving, to Randy's great amusement.
That night, Brad and Randy get to work creating their costumes. They dye some clothing, which is pretty hardcore for a Halloween costume. Brad says that they just need the hats and moustaches. Randy repeats, "Hats. And moustaches." He is so stoned. Brad thinks people will call them the coolest costumes they've ever seen and just give them free things. Randy thinks their costumes might get them laid. I kind of love Brad and Randy together. They just have so much fun.
Kevin Lee, Real World Producer, heads into the house. I wonder if he's related to Buddy Lee, the Lee Jeans dude. Frankie tells her roommates that she would like to go home for a visit and then return to the house. Frankie interviews that she wants to go home and come back, because she doesn't want to quit the show entirely. Kevin Lee knocks on the door and invites Frankie outside to talk. He starts by asking Frankie how she's doing. Frankie says that she's nervous and anxious. Kevin says that they want her to stay, but that if she wants to leave, she can't come back. But they understand if Frankie feels that she needs to leave. He repeats, like, ten times that they don't want her to leave, but doesn't mention the part where the reason that they don't want her to leave is because there would be no drama or conflict in the house if not for her. Frankie says that she doesn't see herself being happy in the house. Frankie interviews that she's just waiting for the situation to be over instead of enjoying it. Kind of like how she's just waiting for Dave to tell her what to do instead of going out and living life. Kevin advises Frankie to sleep on her decision and let them know in the morning, and she agrees to do so.
Frankie heads back inside and tells everyone that if she goes home, she has to leave the house for good. Everyone pretends to be sad. Cameran asks what she's going to do. Frankie says she'll think for a while, like she hasn't totally already made up her mind, and just wants everyone to beg her to stay. Robin interviews that Frankie said she wanted to go to one of Dave's concerts on Halloween. Frankie says that the others have all found good friends in the house, and bonded in a way that she hasn't. Yeah, Jamie's been a horrible friend to Frankie, what with the trying to help her with her cutting issues, and listening to her bitch about Dave endlessly. Jacquese interviews that he can't believe it, because he's always defended Frankie to the others. Frankie says that she hasn't been herself in the house, and actually starts crying as she asks if they know how hard it is "to not be yourself for two months." And she couldn't act like herself because...why exactly? Brad looks like he's trying not to laugh. Cameran asks what the real Frankie is like. Frankie says she's usually "so fucking happy." In a confessional, Robin says that Frankie has never shown any happiness. Robin tells Frankie that leaving is a cop-out, because they have two months (!) left, and Frankie should stay and show everyone who she really is. Don't encourage her, Robin. Randy and Cameran agree that Frankie needs to make this decision on her own. Frankie interviews that she misses her mom and her sister. I thought she hated her mom. Frankie adds that she wonders what she's doing. Oh, Frankie. We wonder that as well.
Frankie tells the others that if she decides to go home, she'll be leaving the day. Frankie says that it's time to move on, and that she thought it would be cool, but it's just not cool. That last part is delivered in the most condescending manner possible, like being on the show might be cool for the other adolescents in the house, but not for big grown-up Frankie. And while I think anyone who goes on this show is a deluded idiot, I don't think Frankie is in a position to talk. What she really means is that she thought the show would be cool when she thought that everyone would like her, and that she would be a star, but that once people started calling her on her shit, she hated it and it wasn't cool anymore. In a confessional, Robin says that everyone else is willing to work on his or her issues, but Frankie isn't. Frankie tells Jamie that she's pretty sure it's time to leave. Robin and Cameran smirk.
Frankie packs up her things. We see a flashback to Frankie's first night, and to Frankie making out with Adam. Frankie interviews that it's like in The Wizard of Oz: "If you didn't find happiness in your own back yard, then you didn't know happiness at all." Frankie jokes that she's not in Kansas anymore.
The day is Halloween. Frankie calls Dave in the morning. Frankie interviews that her relationship with Dave is as important as the moon in the sky. It causes tidal changes? Frankie reminds Dave that it's the anniversary of their first date, and that she thinks it's cute that their first date was on Halloween. Ugh. Of course she does. Dave wishes that Frankie were with him, and says that she'll probably find a Romeo to match her Juliet. Frankie thinks he'll find a Juliet, and Dave says that he won't. Frankie keeps hinting that Dave might see someone tonight that he wants to spend his life with, but Dave is pretty dumb, so he totally doesn't get it.
Robin whispers that Frankie is packed and ready to go. Jamie whispers that she thinks Frankie is leaving because of Dave, because Frankie's mom doesn't want her to come home. Robin thinks Frankie is afraid of losing Dave. Frankie calls her mom to give her the flight times. Frankie interviews that her mom is trying to be supportive, but that she disagrees with Frankie's decision. Frankie's mom says that they might be running late, and Frankie says she'll get another ride, then, because she has to go straight to the Catacombs. Is she in an episode of Scooby-Doo? Because that's the last time I heard someone talk about the catacombs. Frankie's mom guesses that Dave will be at the Catacombs. Frankie says that she has a plan and it can't change. It's written in stone! It must happen that way! God, Frankie is such a drama queen. Frankie's mom reminds Frankie that she said her decision wasn't about Dave. Frankie interviews that she's going home for herself, not Dave. Frankie's mom refuses to take her to the catacombs, and Frankie says that she'll find another ride, then. They hang up. Frankie interviews, very satisfied with herself, that she and her mom will struggle with this for a very long time.
Frankie walks into her room, strips off her 1988 mesh top, and puts on some sort of Juliet costume. Wait, so she's staying there for Halloween? Because why else would she be putting on a costume? Brad interviews that he finds it romantic that Frankie dressed up as Juliet to go see Dave's concert, where Dave will be dressed up as Romeo. Oh, no she's not. She's not getting on the plane like that. Jacquese helps Frankie with her bags. What a horrible friend. I can see why Frankie wants to leave. Frankie dramatically stands to the car, trying to find the best light so that the camera can get the perfect dramatic "Frankie as Juliet going to see her Romeo" shot. Bleh.
Frankie interviews that going home is "a public outcry" that she fucked up, and that she's trying to make it better. Oh, it's a public outcry, all right. Jacquese interviews that he's "losing a soldier." Everyone hugs Frankie at the airport curb. Well, Jacquese hugs her and everyone else just stands around. Jacquese tells Frankie to call and let them know that she got home safely, and Frankie promises to call them all the time. Jacquese interviews that Frankie needs to make sure she's happy. Frankie hugs each of her other roommates. No one looks all that upset. Jamie interviews that due to Frankie's shortened lifespan, she needs to make herself happy, whatever that takes. Frankie walks into the airport in her stupid goth Juliet costume. Frankie interview that she's had this experience, and now it's over and it's time to go home. So go already! Quit talking about it and do it.
Brad and Randy discuss Frankie's departure. Brad says that he misses her already. Randy thinks it was sad when Frankie told them that no one was picking her up at the airport. Oh, whatever. She created that situation. Brad thinks that seeing Dave at the concert might be "one of the most beautiful things that happens to either one of them." In a confessional, Randy says that he hopes Frankie doesn't regret her actions years from now. Brad says that he hopes Frankie knows what she's doing. Randy thinks that Frankie's heart is in the right place. They act like Frankie is quitting her job and cashing in her 401K to go live in Africa. It's not that big a gamble.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a television movie called Unwed Father, starring Brian Austin Green, a.k.a. David Silver. So David Silver was in a band (naturally), and he hooked up with Sue Scanlon in a weird bit of crossover, and they totally did it, and then Sue Scanlon got knocked up. So Sue Scanlon tried to get David Silver involved, and he was like, "Whatever, it's probably not even mine." So Sue Scanlon and her best friend (Emma from Kate & Allie) went to the abortion clinic, but Sue Scanlon chickened out. Cut to ten months later: Sue Scanlon is trying to raise the baby alone and her mom is a total bitch about it, yelling at Sue because the baby cries, like Sue can help it. So Sue gets fed up and dumps the baby at David Silver's house. And he's rich and lives with his parents. So David Silver tries to dump the baby on Social Services, but they're like, "Hello, we have to help babies who don't have rich dads who are just too selfish to take care of their children." So David goes and gets a DNA test and his father hires a nanny while they are waiting for the results. So then David's stepmother gets sick of the kid crying and convinces David's father to kick David out of the house. So then David has to get a real job, and of course somewhere along the way, he learns to love the baby, and this is exemplified by the time he is carrying the baby and his guitar and amp to his houseboat, and he trips and saves the baby and lets the guitar fall into the water. See how caring he is? So then Sue Scanlon comes back and wants the baby back, but David Silver is like, "No, I love him now!" And then the movie goes on way longer than it needs to, because of course they work out a custody agreement and live happily ever after. And it was awesome.
The roommates get dressed up for Halloween. Robin is going as Marilyn Monroe. Jamie is going as a whore. Oh, I'm sorry. Jamie is going as "Eve." Cameran is dressed as a gang member. Randy and Brad's costumes are AWESOME! They're each wearing t-shirts and overalls (Randy's are green and Brad's are red) with matching hats, fake moustaches, and then giant white gloves on their hands. Randy and Brad high-five with their giant hands. Hee! Randy does a little jump, and the editors toss in a bloopy sound effect.
Brad suggests that they start the night off by tossing a pumpkin from the deck. Brad sings the Mario Brothers theme song and tosses a pumpkin. Randy follows suit. More bloopy sound effects accompany their actions. Hilarious.
The roommates go out to a bar. Cameran interviews that now that Frankie is gone, everyone is happier, and that she didn't realize how negative Frankie's influence was. Robin says that Frankie was a "bad apple," and that now that she's gone, it seems a lot more positive, and everyone is bonding. Randy, Brad, and Cameran pile into a cab to go home. Brad says that their costumes were a smash hit. Cameran has passed out.
Two days later, Jacquese says he can't believe that Frankie hasn't called them, as she promised. Randy interviews that he feels bad, because Jacquese is taking Frankie's departure harder than anyone. In a confessional, Jacquese says that he had a lot of one-on-one conversations with Frankie about house issues.
Four days later, Cameran can't believe that Frankie never called. Robin thinks she won't call. Cameran interviews that she would be calling every day to see how everyone is. Well, I don't think Frankie needs to call every day, but it would've been nice to call once and tell everyone that she made it home safely. Cameran points out the message that Frankie left on the chalkboard about how she would miss everyone. Robin says that Frankie doesn't care about being friends with anyone. Cameran remembers what Frankie said upon arrival. We flash back to footage we've never seen before of Frankie saying, "I have two things that I can never fuck up. Being sad and running away. I am so good at those two things." Cameran thinks that it's a cop-out, and Frankie says that it fixes everything. Why would you be proud of that? And why would you say that? I will never understand Frankie, and I don't want to. At least with other annoying roommates, I can see something of myself in them (usually when I was fourteen) or I can understand where they are coming from. But I do not get Frankie at all.
The phone rings, and Cameran answers. It's Frankie, and Cameran doesn't recognize her voice. Cameran asks about seeing Dave and going to the concert. Frankie says that she didn't make it to the concert. Ha! Frankie says that they went and talked to Dave's mom, and that Dave said he was going to marry Frankie. Cameran interviews that Frankie sounds different, but that she would put on a front regardless. Frankie says that she's in the process of moving in with Dave, and that they are going to "get a big old house." How is that going to work, exactly? Oh, I just realized that I totally don't care. Cameran interviews that Frankie is manipulating the situation. Cameran asks whether things are looking up. Frankie says that while she was in San Diego, she couldn't look at the positive side of everything, but that she knows now that she made the right decision. Frankie continues, "That stuff is for some people, and it's just not for other people. It's just not what I'm about. I guess I'm a little too punk rock for that kind of stuff, you know?"
This needs to go in its own paragraph. Frankie just said she's "a little too punk rock" for this show. And while there was a slight air of self-deprecation about it, she obviously wasn't completely joking, and thinks that she's above being on the show. Of course, she only thinks that now that she's sucked as much attention away from her roommates as possible. Cameran rolls her eyes and interviews that Frankie is saying that she's cooler and smarter than her roommates are.
The roommates sit on the porch. Cameran says that she asked Frankie if her decision had to do with Dave, and Frankie said that it didn't. Cameran asked if Frankie was happy, and Frankie said that everything with Dave is perfect. Cameran points out that Frankie said it wasn't about Dave, and then went home in a costume. Cameran relates the "punk rock" comment. Robin wonders what that's supposed to mean. Cameran interviews that Frankie came to the house thinking that the roommates would think she was weird, and that they weren't like that -- they wanted to be her friends. Cameran is so right on. Frankie wanted to start controversy, and when the roommates were like, "Yawn!" she was like, "I'm out."
week: they get a new roommate (which makes me worry that the season will drag on for a lot longer than it should), and Andrea tells Brad that she hates Cameran.