Brad walks around the house in slow motion, with a plastic fork in his mouth. What? I don't know. While Brad consumes his dinner, we see flashbacks of Brad hooking up with Jackie. Is he eating some sort of Proustian madeleine to cause these memories? Brad interviews that he regrets hooking up with Jackie, and that he doesn't know how to tell Andrea what happened. Randy gives Brad advice on the situation as follows: Don't tell Andrea. Yes, we've seen that Randy operates by the "ignore it and it will go away" school of thought. Randy pulls out the old chestnut about how Brad just wants to tell Andrea to relieve his guilt, but that it won't help anything. I think that only works if you didn't commit your guilt-inducing act on national television, dude. Brad says that Andrea writes him poetry and says that she wants to marry him. Brad interviews that he knows he loves Andrea, but that he needs to see what else is out there so that he can be sure their relationship is right. I have to tell you that I think that theory is horseshit. When you know, you know. Frankly, I've been with the same guy for over ten years, and I didn't date a ton of guys before we got together, and I don't ever wonder if I'm supposed to be with someone else. And I mostly get that idea from watching shows like this one, and seeing what it's like out there. This show makes me glad I'm married. And not nineteen anymore. And not on national television. Anyway, Randy thinks Brad needs to "sort [his] wild oats." Randy doesn't want Brad to be like Ben Affleck and fuck a stripper two days before he's supposed to get married. Who knew Randy reads Us Weekly?
Randy and Robin discuss going camping as they work on the boat. Randy interviews that he feels like if he instigates a camping trip, everyone else will get on board and want to join him. Cameran interviews that she's not that excited about sleeping outside. I have to say that the few times that I have been camping, that is my least favorite part. Well, that and the bathroom facilities, if they exist. I like sitting around the fire, eating hot dogs, drinking beer, and shooting the shit. But frankly, I can do those things in my own back yard, so fuck camping. Brad interviews that he is more and more attracted to Cameran, although I don't know why that interview segment was stuck in the middle of the "let's go camping" scene. Robin is really excited to go camping, because she's never been. That explains why she's so excited. Robin asks Randy if they can bring toilet paper, and Randy starts talking about getting poison ivy if you wipe with the wrong leaf and thank God that scene ends because yuck.
Troy, the CEO of the yacht company, gives a little speech about how great the roommates are at their job, even though a few weeks ago they all hated it and wanted to quit and were late every day. As a reward, he is giving them a vacation of week and a half. Everyone cheers, and they get a duffel bag with a bunch of t-shirts inside, along with a note. Jacquese reads the note aloud, which says something about STA Travel sending them on a trip where they will deal with ancient history. The t-shirts have palm trees on them, so Cameran thinks they might be going somewhere tropical.
“ Frankie interviews that she's not big on camping, so she's not going. She's also apparently not big on this decade, based on the black mesh sweater she's wearing that I swear to God I owned in 1992 and I used to wear it over a black tank top and I think I got that fashion idea from Brenda Walsh, to show you how dated it is. ”
In the car on the way home, the roommates speculate on where they might be going. Randy thinks they will be going sailing somewhere. Robin hopes that they are going to Greece. Frankie pouts and stares out the window, because she is the enemy of fun. Someone says that Greece is too far away, which makes no sense, but what do you expect from this crowd? Frankie sighs loudly, because no one has noticed her passive-aggressive pouting. Robin asks her what's up. Robin interviews that any time everyone else is excited, Frankie is negative about it. Frankie says that she's not interested in lying on the beach somewhere. Way to decide you're going to hate the trip before you even know where you are going.
Brad talks to Randy about the camping trip. He has caught Frankie's disease, because he has already decided it's going to be a huge hassle. They won't even get to the campsite until late, because they never get anywhere on time, and by the time they get everything set up it will be dark, so they'll just go to sleep and then get up and come home. Randy, to his credit, insists that it's going to be a blast. Frankie interviews that she's not big on camping, so she's not going. She's also apparently not big on this decade, based on the black mesh sweater she's wearing that I swear to God I owned in 1992 and I used to wear it over a black tank top and I think I got that fashion idea from Brenda Walsh, to show you how dated it is.
The morning, Randy loads all of the camping equipment into the car while everyone else just stands around and does nothing. Cameran interviews that Randy organized the whole trip and put a lot of effort into it. Cameran complains that it's supposed to be 105 degrees at their campsite, but no one really cares, so she shuts up about it. Then there's about ten minutes of footage of everyone in the car, but the only semi-interesting thing they show is Brad and Cameran cuddling together in the back seat. Hey, I said it was only semi-interesting.
The group arrives at the Tamarisk Grove campgrounds. Cameran exits the car and immediately runs into a cactus. There is actually a hilarious "boooooooing" cartoon sound effect to simulate the sound of the cactus spine entering her flesh. It made me laugh, anyway. Cameran starts screaming, and everyone laughs at her. Brad interviews that he feels bad for her, but that it was hilarious. They set up camp. The boys (mostly Randy) do all the work setting up the tent and such while the girls sit there and watch. Brad is impressed with the giant tent. They start drinking. Cameran interviews that once the tent was up, there wasn't much to do but talk to each other. Cameran suggests that they play Truth or Dare, and everyone agrees. Cameran asks Randy which roommate he'd like to have sex with. Randy doesn't really answer the question, and interviews that he's trying not to think of his roommates as sexual partners. Jamie asks Brad if he'd rather kiss Andrea or Cameran. They go to commercial while we anxiously (not) await Brad's response.
When we return, Brad drunkenly says that he wishes he were kissing Cameran right now. Cameran interviews that she was shocked by Brad's answer, and that she didn't know Brad liked her or had feelings for her. Well, he didn't say that he did. He just said he'd like to kiss her. Brad interviews that he wants to know what's going on between Cameran and himself, but that she won't talk about it.
Everyone decides that it's time to go to sleep (or pass out) in the tent. Brad and Cameran are lying to each other. Suddenly, they are making out underneath their sleeping bags, and all you can see are the bottoms of Cameran's extremely dirty feet as they roll around. Brad interviews that Cameran started kissing him, and Cameran interviews that Brad tried to kiss her. Jacquese wakes up and giggles like a twelve-year-old. He's all excited in that weird middle-school way that he has about his roommates having sex. Robin shushes him, and then mouths that it's about time. Robin interviews that this was bound to happen. Randy, Robin, and Jacquese sneak out of the tent. Randy doesn't look too happy that his sleep was interrupted. I guess Jamie was totally passed out, because she's still in the tent. Brad interviews that Cameran is a good kisser, and that he was impressed. Cameran interviews that Brad was an all right kisser, but not the best. Jacquese goes into detail about how Cameran's leg was cocked up in the air and Brad was lying in between her legs, and he really needs to get a hobby.
Back in the tent, Brad mumbles that he really likes Cameran, and that he has since the first day, and that she can do whatever she wants with that information. Cameran interviews that she gets uncomfortable when guys say that they like her, because she doesn't know if they are genuine or just trying to get a piece of ass. Brad hopes that they don't regret their actions the day. Cameran interviews that she was very surprised that "macho frat boy Brad" admitted that he had feelings. Brad says he hopes they are on the same page, and that they can talk about it tomorrow. Cameran says she doesn't want to talk about it, and they both start laughing and fake-wrestling. Cameran jokes that she hates Brad. Brad interviews that he and Cameran have chemistry, but then Cameran shuts him out and he doesn't understand why.
Brad and Cameran are sitting up now, talking. Cameran drunkenly says that the truth is that she liked him at first, because she thought he was different, and she had a crush on him, but then he acted like "a male slut." Cameran interviews that she doesn't want to date a guy who cheats on his girlfriend, because she couldn't trust him. Except that Brad didn't cheat on his girlfriend, but whatever. Brad says that he was in a relationship for five years, and that he had a "void to fill." There's that unfortunate phrase again. Cameran starts yelling, "You fucked her, Brad!" Brad says he's not going to sit on the phone with his girlfriend all day. So he's not Nathan. Brad interviews that Cameran is sour, but that she shouldn't hate him for making one mistake. Cameran asks if Andrea knows about Jackie. Brad laughs, but then he rubs his chin and gets all serious and says that he had one night that went out of control, but that he won't hang himself over it. He admits that he feels bad about it, and he wishes he could go back and do it differently. Like maybe doggie-style. Cameran and Brad go their separate ways, and the discussion ends. Cameran interviews that she feels good that Brad regrets hooking up with Jackie, but that it's already set in her mind that Brad isn't the guy she thought he was. On the trip home, Brad and Cameran sit apart and don't talk. Cameran interviews that she doesnt want things to be strange between them. Brad interviews that what he said to Cameran was genuine, and that now it's up to her if she wants to pursue it.
“ The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a movie called Those Secrets which starred Blair Brown as a whore. Well, in the beginning of the movie, you didn't know she was a whore, unless you read the description in the cable guide. ”
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a movie called Those Secrets which starred Blair Brown as a whore. Well, in the beginning of the movie, you didn't know she was a whore, unless you read the description in the cable guide. So she meets this sports agent who is really creepy and gets married to him and she already has two kids which is never really explained and then it's their two-year anniversary and then they are building a house together and all of this happens in, like, the first five minutes of the movie and you're like, "The hell?" So then her husband cheats on her and tells her and instead of kicking him in the balls like a normal person, Blair Brown's reaction is, "Why did you tell me?" So then her old friend, played by Mare Winningham, comes to visit while her husband is out of town, and Mare Winningham is a former whore trying to go straight. So then Blair Brown -- who had been working as a book jacket designer -- decides to get back into the whore business, and she starts having creepy sex with former clients, including her husband's best friend (that's how she met her husband) and some guy who makes her dress up like a geisha and this old couple who wants her to tie up the husband and they are seriously like eighty-five years old and I was worried someone would have a heart attack but luckily even Blair Brown got grossed out and ran out of the room. So meanwhile, her daughters are figuring out that something is up, and one of Blair's clients beats the crap out of her and she goes home and her husband is there and she admits that she's a whore and he thinks it's just a figure of speech and she has to explain that she has sex for money and he leaves her. So then Mare Winningham goes back to whoring as well and ends up killing herself which scares Blair Brown into going straight and getting into therapy and she ends up getting back together with her creepy husband and did I mention that everyone in the movie acted like they were on Valium with their lack of affect? And my husband walked in and said, "This is like that Eddie Izzard routine with Sebastien and the matches" and he was totally right, and it was awesome.
The girls go out for food. Frankie interviews that everyone knew Brad and Cameran would get together, and that she's glad that it finally happened.
Randy complains that he's tired, and blames it on the camping trip. Brad says it didn't help that he hooked up with one of his roommates. Randy asks whether Brad and Cameran have talked about it. Brad says they haven't, but that they need to. Brad interviews that he still feels like things could work out for him and Cameran. Randy says that there are no right answers in this situation, and that he doesn't think Brad should talk to Cameran about it, because there's no telling what might happen the time they're both drunk. Again, Randy's "ignore it and it will go away" philosophy comes out. That's his favorite philosophy. Well, after "Everybody must get stoned."
Cameran reads the fortune from her fortune cookie: "Beware of an offer that sounds too good to be true." Everyone adds, "In bed," and then Frankie adds, "With Brad." I grew up so sheltered that I never had Chinese food until I went to college, and I thought that my husband's family made up the "in bed" thing. The first time I heard someone else do it, I was like, "How did they know about that?" I'm kind of dumb. Anyway. Jamie interviews that Brad and Cameran will hook up again. Robin interviews that Brad and Cameran will hook up again. Cameran interviews that she can't believe she hooked up with Brad, and that it's gross. She is thirteen.