The roommates are on their way to Florence. Leah interviews that Florence is charming and romantic. The female roommates get off the train, and Leah says that they should "sleep with everyone," but quickly adds that she is just kidding. Except she's totally not. Leah is looking forward to the Italian guys. Who, if the few scenes are to be taken as metaphor, all look like Michelangelo's David. Seriously, they showed three shots of statues or fountains of naked men. Naked men are the new Eiffel Tower.
Leah tells Simon that they are going to the Prada outlets. Simon is thrilled. Simon interviews that he and Leah are the biggest shoppers in the house. Simon concludes, "We're just shoppers." They're the shoppingest shoppers in shoppingtown! ["Wooooooo! Shoppingtown! Kim wrote that just for me." -- Wing Chun] So then we get some shots of shopaholics Simon and Leah shopping. Meanwhile, the "shop-ophobes" are eating lunch. The shop-ophobes are Chris, Ace, and Adam. I don't know where Mallory and Christina fall on the shopping scale. Adam says that he would hang out with Simon more if Simon didn't "shop so damn much," because it always comes back to shopping or name-brand clothes with him. Leah and Simon continue shopping. Ace interviews that Simon and Leah are shopping, which he doesn't enjoy, but they do. Really? Thank you for telling me that. Chris says that Simon and Leah are "joined at the hip," and Adam says that they like the same things. Like what? Seeing the sights? Eating giant sandwiches in restaurants? Oooooh, they mean shopping. Well, they could have said that.
Leah and Simon go to lunch to fortify themselves for more shopping. Leah says that, earlier in her life, when she met a guy, she would want to know what kind of car he drove. If he didn't drive a "BMW, a Benz, a Porsche, or a Jaguar," she wouldn't talk to him. Simon asks what happened if it was a really good guy who drove a bike. Hee! A bike. Leah says she wouldn't know he was a good guy, because she wouldn't talk to him in the first place. That explains a lot about her calling Chris "uneducated" earlier this season. She's just a big, fat, materialistic snob. Leah says that when she met her boyfriend, he changed all of that. So how did she get together with him if he didn't drive a fancy car? Leah interviews that she dated her ex for three and a half years, and that when they were together, she was happy and confident. Now she worries that she won't feel that way again. So she completely depends on men for her self-esteem? That explains a lot as well. Leah explains to Simon about her feelings. Simon says it's like wearing really ugly clothes all the time. Leah agrees that it's as if she's wearing "square-toed shoes." So she gets her self-esteem from men and shoes. Wow, what a healthy lifestyle.
“ Christina says that Leah will get a lot of attention from Italian men because she has blonde hair and looks very American. I'm sure Leah will hate all of that attention. She'll have to put on a hat or something. ”
Mallory and Christina wander the streets of Florence and get hit on by Italian guys. Or maybe just complimented if not fully hit on. Christina sees a horse and buggy and squeals that she wants to pet the horse. Some guy tells her that she's beautiful. Later, Mallory and Christina discuss how different men are in Italy, and that they will compliment you even if their girlfriends are right there. Mallory thinks they are just straightforward. In a confessional, Mallory says that Italians really seem to love their lives. Christina says that Leah will get a lot of attention because she has blonde hair and looks very American. I'm sure Leah will hate all of that attention. She'll have to put on a hat or something.
The roommates all go out to dinner. Leah makes a big deal out of asking Adam if he got a date yet in Florence. She totally just asked him so that she could reveal that she has a date. Leah glows with the attention. She interviews that she got a date with her waiter at lunch. The roommates get flaming shots, and Adam tries to do a toast to the people in the country, but Leah interrupts, "To Leah getting a date!" God, shut up! No one cares. Adam interviews that he's happy for Leah, because she hasn't even looked at guys since they've been in the house. She hasn't? Does anyone remember her big crush on Ace?
The roommates leave the restaurant. Leah says that she's scared to go meet her date. Chris advises her to lean up against the wall and stare at the guy, but Leah thinks that would make her look totally evil. So her true self would come out? They all arrive at the restaurant, and Leah introduces her date, Giuseppe, to her roommates. Giuseppe? Not that cute, I don't think. I mean, I'm sure he's a nice guy, and to me that would be more important, but I would think Leah would go for someone flashier. Leah asks Giuseppe if he's ready for the date, and he goes inside to get ready. Mallory and Simon give Leah advice about staying in control and not drinking too much. Leah thinks they are treating her like she's five. Maybe they're just worried because you are in a foreign country going out with a complete stranger? I think I would be a little freaked out. Chris asks Leah if she wants his shank. Leah is confused. Chris clarifies that he wants to give her his "sticker." He pulls out a knife and offers it to Leah. Hee! That was awesome. Leah is appalled and squeals as loudly as possible that Chris tried to give her "weapondry" [sic]. Leah interviews that Chris doesn't want his female roommates to date anyone. Leah points out that Giuseppe is smaller than she is. Chris points out that Giuseppe has a fur collar on his coat, which I guess marks him as a weirdo. I'd go along with that theory. Chris also advises Leah to "double-bag it." Chris is cracking me up. Chris interviews that he's treating Leah like he would treat his sister, by telling her that the guy isn't good enough and getting on her case.
Leah and Giuseppe go off on their date. It's scenic. They walk around and don't talk to each other at all. Looks like fun! They end up in a bar. Giuseppe asks what she likes to do, and Leah says she likes to shop. Check, please! How can you date someone who lists her first hobby as shopping? Leah interviews that it was exciting and romantic. Giuseppe kisses Leah's hand. Giuseppe asks Leah about her ex-boyfriend. Then he starts kissing her. Soon, they are full-on making out in the restaurant. Classy.
“ Leah says that everyone in her parents' hometown is Italian. Italian- Americans living on Long Island? you are going to tell me that there are some Jewish people living there as well! ”
Ace, Chris, and Adam are playing cards and drinking whiskey in their hotel room. Adam interviews that Chris has been drinking too much, and that he's a completely different guy when he drinks. Leah tells the guys that they are all going to dinner. Chris says that they just ate, but will join the group later. Leah is all pissy about it. Of course.
Mallory, Christina, Adam, Leah, and Simon go to dinner. Mallory interviews that the boys (is it weird that I lump Simon and Adam in with the girls?) will join them later. Leah greets Giuseppe and admires the restaurant, which I think is owned by Giuseppe's family. Adam voice-overs that Leah feels lonely, and Giuseppe fills that void. Leah talks about how everyone in her parents' hometown is Italian. Italian-Americans living on Long Island? you are going to tell me that there are some Jewish people living there as well! Giuseppe pours them champagne and they toast.
Adam asks where the other guys are, and Simon says that they'll join them later. Just then, Chris and Ace walk in. Giuseppe's brother Vincenzo pops up, and Chris immediately asks for a drink. Chris notices that Vincenzo's tie has a Tasmanian Devil on it, and starts going on and on about how that's his favorite Looney Tune. Do people really have favorite Looney Tunes? Vincenzo doesn't really seem to understand the whole Looney Tune thing and keeps looking at his tie, but it doesn't seem like he's bothered by Chris. And working in a restaurant, I'm sure he's used to dealing with drunks. Leah voice-overs that Chris is really drunk, and that she's really embarrassed. Leah bitch-whispers to Adam and then makes the stink-eye at Chris, trying to get Adam to lead Chris away. Adam does nothing. Adam interviews that Leah overreacts a lot, but that Chris is kind of being a dick. He is? Chris repeats that he wants a drink, and Vincenzo says that there is wine at the table. Chris says he doesn't want wine, and asks where the bar is. The nerve! I can see why Leah is so pissed. Chris wants to spend money! I can't believe him. Leah keeps yelling at Adam until he follows Chris off to make sure he doesn't give any money to Giuseppe's family by buying expensive drinks.
Chris finally sits down at the table and tries to pour himself some wine. Leah totally overreacts and starts ducking and covering when Chris accidentally breaks a glass. Because I'm sure Giuseppe's family has never had to deal with someone knocking a glass off a table before. God, she's just awful. I mean, Chris is annoying and kind of embarrassing, but it's not like he's yelling out family secrets or something. Leah takes Ace aside and says that Chris is being really rude and needs to leave. Ace interviews that he doesn't think Chris is being that bad, but Ace is drunk too, so he's not sure. Ace says he'll talk to Chris, but Leah thinks that will just make things worse.
“ They are supposed to be in the house so that they can change their lives, but some of them seem to only be there to get on television. Okay, I guess that part is not that different from The Real World. ”
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. First, a Most Awesome programming note: there's a new season of Endurance starting on NBC on Saturday, September 27th. Check local listings. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was the new Bunim-Murray show, Starting Over. First of all, it's on every weekday. Every weekday! And since women are usually the ones who cause all of the drama in a Real World house, Bunim and Murray only allowed women in the Starting Over house. And boy, are these women messed up. They are supposed to be in the house so that they can change their lives, but some of them seem to only be there to get on television. Okay, I guess that part is not that different from The Real World. But they do have some crazy ladies in that house. Like there's Nyanza, who reminds me of Tami from The Real World Los Angeles, but a little bit less crazy. But Nyanza really loves herself, which makes me wonder what exactly she thinks she is going to change about herself. I think Nyanza would be a lot happier if she could change everyone in her life instead of herself. And then there's Maureen, who wants to become a stand-up comedian. The problem is that she's not funny, has no sense of timing, and is frankly kind of scary. Also, stinky, because she rarely bathes. And then there is Andy. Oh, Andy. She looks like Brooke Shields, but bigger and more mannish. And she's crazy! And manipulative! And overly dramatic! And antagonistic! The usual problem with B/M shows is that they start out strong and then get really boring or repetitive. (See: The Real World/Road Rules Challenge). I'm hoping that doesn't happen with Starting Over, because once a woman achieves her goals, she gets to leave the house and a new person come in. Oh, and I didn't even mention the life coaches. Life coaches! Awesome.
Ace decides, based on the reactions of the other roommates, that Leah must be right about Chris. Ace stands up and says that it's time to go, and tries to encourage Chris to come with him. Chris wants to stay and drink. Ace says that they have to go and find some beautiful women. Chris protests that they have beautiful women right there, and gives Christina a hug and kiss. Chris finally leaves and Leah makes a huge deal out of it and keeps repeating that she's humiliated. Simon says that it doesn't reflect on her, and adds that he's embarrassed for Chris, but not embarrassed by Chris. Mallory says that she's embarrassed by Chris and also annoyed at Ace for drinking with him. Because Mallory has never gotten drunk and done anything embarrassing to herself or others. Leah interviews in a baby voice that she's nervous that Giuseppe will hate her because her roommate is a drunk. Dude, if he hates you for that, he's not worth dating. Not everyone is as superficial as you are, Leah. Leah says that everything was perfect, and Simon says that it still is. Mallory says that Chris was only there for two minutes.
The roommates (joined by Giuseppe) leave the restaurant and go to a club. Where they join up with Chris and Ace. Okay, if they hate Chris so much, why did they meet him later? Chris is still drunk and dancing around. Leah says that they're going to get drinks, and Chris starts screaming to her to "get raw." I don't even know what that means. Chris dances with Christina. Simon interviews that when Chris gets drunk, he wants to do his own thing and is difficult to manage. So don't manage him. He's a grown-up. Just ignore him. Or the day after, tell him that you don't like hanging out with him when he's that drunk, and that the time it happens, you'll just ditch him. Giuseppe and Leah dance and kiss, and she asks if he can come to Rome with them. In a confessional, Leah says that Giuseppe is cute.
Leah and Giuseppe continue to kiss and play grab-ass on the dance floor. Now who's embarrassing? They leave the club together and head to the roommates' hotel. Leah interviews that she always knew that if she went to Italy, she would fall in love with someone there. Leah and Giuseppe find their room and close the door.
Later, Christina and Mallory are getting ready for bed when Chris shows up, still drunk. He can't get into his room, because he's having trouble with the key card. Mallory asks if he's still wasted, and laughs at him. Chris finally gets the door open. Mallory chuckles, but Christina seems pissed. Chris comes into the room and asks what they are doing, then tries to give each girl a kiss goodnight. Mallory ducks her head and laughs. Christina sits on the bed and looks pissed. Christina interviews that she gives up on Chris and can't even think straight because she's so frustrated with him. They must be editing out a lot of Chris's annoying qualities, because I'm just not seeing it.
The morning, Leah walks Giuseppe down to the lobby. They kiss and hug goodbye, and he takes off. Leah runs back upstairs and wakes Simon up. She plops down on the bed and says that Simon will never guess what happened. Simon seems like he doesn't really want to know. Leah says that she was lying in bed with Giuseppe, and he said that he felt like a bastard because he has a girlfriend. Leah laughs about it, as does Simon. Simon points out that Leah met Giuseppe's whole family and none of them said a word about the girlfriend. Simon interviews that he didn't know what to think. Leah says that Giuseppe told her he'd be single for her. Simon says that Leah needs to have three boyfriends in the city.
The roommates pack up and head to the train station. Leah interviews that she's sad to leave Florence and Giuseppe, but that she's excited to go to Rome. Then there's this weird, overly long montage of the sights of Florence (which Leah never saw), and then I think they try to make it out like Leah might miss the train or something, but she totally doesn't, so I guess they just didn't have enough stuff to fill this episode and had to pad it. That's the only explanation I can think of for the ten-second shot of the train leaving the station.
time: Mallory and Leah fight!