The Real World S12E28

We open with a montage of the "highlights" of the season, most of which feature two roommates (and sometimes three) making out in various combinations. After the credits, Hilarie Burton welcomes us to the reunion and introduces all of the roommates, minus Trishelle. Hilarie pronounces Irulan "Air-lahn" which cracked me up for some reason, and also reinforces the fact that she didn't actually watch the season and is just reading questions that someone else wrote. Why oh why can't they get someone to host these reunions that has actually watched the season? Hilarie claims that Trishelle is "out of the country," and that's all we get on her situation.

Hilarie opens up the questioning by saying something about "Sin City" and then asking if the roommates think that this was the "raciest" season ever. Silence. Brynn finally breaks in and says that she does, because she realized at one point that she had kissed all of her roommates. She did? I guess if she was in more than five episodes throughout the season, we might know that. Hilarie asks who was the best kisser. Brynn says that it was Irulan, and everyone cheers because two chicks kissing is cool. Hilarie asks Alton if he wants to back that up, and Alton just smiles. So is she trying to say that Alton has also kissed everyone in the house? Because that would actually be interesting. Hilarie uses this opportunity to introduce a montage of the dirtiest moments of the season. They are: Trishelle and Steven hooking up, Alton hooking up in the tub, the girls topless in Australia, Frank getting a lap dance, Brynn and Trishelle hooking up with Steven at the same time, discussion of Alton's giant penis, Frank hooking up with that skank, Trishelle and Brynn making out, and Arissa saying that she's in a porn she can't escape.

Hilarie asks the roommates what they were thinking, since they knew their antics were being taped. Steven jokes that it was all done in the editing and no one actually hooked up. Hilarie asks if the Vegas setting made the show "spicy." Steven says it was, but also the fact that his roommates were so beautiful. Everyone applauds. Hilarie keeps trying to work the "Vegas is crazy" angle for some reason, and Brynn finally agrees that Vegas may have had something to do with it. Hilarie asks Frank specifically how he felt in Vegas, since he comes from a small town. Frank says that he thought they would probably party a lot, like every weekend. Everyone laughs as Frank says they partied every night and day. Hilarie says that Arissa behaved herself, and Steven says, "Except the last day." They show a clip of Arissa and Steven kissing, but Hilarie doesn't ask any follow-ups about that -- not that there is anything interesting to be gleaned at this point, but then why bring it up?

Hilarie introduces the fight scenes montage by saying something about boxing. We see: Frank calling Arissa a "bitchy black chick," Alton and Irulan's wrestling match, the aftermath of Brynn's forking, Arissa getting her head hit by the confessional door, Arissa and Steven swearing at each other, Arissa hitting that girl in the club, and one final clip of Alton and Irulan's fight where he has her in a figure-four leglock and I swear to God she has her thumb up his ass. Ew.

Hilarie comments that everyone seems to get along now. Brynn jokes that she always carries a fork with her. Steven says that he wishes that fight had never happened and he's glad Brynn stayed. Brynn says that she doesn't take it back, because she learned from it. Irulan says that if she were in a fight with Alton, she would still give him the elbow drop. Steven says that he learned that it only takes a 105-lb. girl to hold him back as we see Arissa holding him back from Brynn. Hilarie asks why there weren't any fights with Trishelle. Steven jokes that Trishelle is tough, and someone else says that she was scary. Hilarie stupidly asks if they're serious. Shut up, Hilarie. Also, spell your name right. Hilarie brings up Frank and Arissa's fight and how Arissa wouldn't even hug Frank afterwards. Arissa says that feels she could have "taken it in another direction," but once you do or say something, it's out there and you can't take it back.

Hilarie points out that they all had to be over twenty-one to live in the casino, so they were all of legal drinking age. This sets up a drunky montage: people drinking, people drinking, people stumbling, people puking, people making out (mostly Steven and Trishelle), Alton fighting with Frank, people dancing, Frank and his skank, Brynn doing shots, everyone toasting, and Brynn puking. Fascinating.

Hilarie asks if the drinking was the leading factor for the mayhem in Vegas. Didn't she just ask if being in Vegas was what made them act so crazy, and everyone said yes? So now it's not Vegas, it's the alcohol? Stupid, stupid questions. Everyone talks at once. Hilarie asks how they maintained their jobs and their relationships while being surrounded by temptation. Frank says they didn't really do their job, and Irulan says that they got drunk every day and went to the spa. Frank says their job was to go out and get drunk and party. Hilarie asks if they have any regrets regarding drunken behavior. Arissa says she doesn't remember. Hilarie thinks Frank looks sheepish, and everyone laughs. Frank says that he agreed to be on the show while he was drunk, which he regrets. Ha ha. Ha? I thought Frank was the funny one. I also just noticed that when trying to segue, Hilarie always says, "Okay, very cool," or some variant of that. It's very annoying. But if I were going to do a spoof of her, that would be one of the things I would use.

Hilarie awkwardly segues between Steven being drunk and his hooking up with Trishelle. It's the horny drunken montage, in which we see: Steven and Trishelle humping, Steven and Trishelle making out, Steen and Trishelle feeling each other up, Steven burying his face in Trishelle's boobs, Steven saying they should just be friends, Steven feeling Trishelle up, Steven telling Trishelle he loves her and then regretting it, Frank getting in the middle of the Steven/Trishelle relationship but not in the way he would like, Trishelle saying she won't be "the chaser," and Steven expressing regret about their relationship.

When the montage ends, Steven yells out that he does love Trishelle and that she's a great friend and he wouldn't change anything. Hilarie asks if they are still good friends. Steven says she lives three streets away from him. Hilarie asks how often they get together, and Steven says they don't "get together" anymore, but they do hang out. Hilarie is glad to hear that, and asks what they think when they look back at this footage. What, is Steven supposed to answer for Trishelle too? Steven says he thinks he's a lucky guy that Trishelle was dumb enough to hook up with him. Oh, Steven and his false modesty. How I haven't missed it. Hilarie asks if they wish they had waited a little longer before hooking up. Steven says they should have waited at least forty-eight hours, and everyone laughs. Hilarie asks if it was stressful hooking up with a roommate. Steven says it was, and everyone agrees that at first it was annoying and weird, but then they got used to it.

Hilarie says that Frank broke her heart because she thought it was going to happen for him. All this to introduce a montage of "Frank being dismissed," which is basically a recap of the first episode where Steven encourages Frank to go for it with Trishelle and then Steven hooks up with Trishelle himself. Then Frank gets a visit from Emily and starts a relationship with her, and then kisses Trishelle, and then breaks up with Emily. Hilarie says that Frank is noble. Frank says he regrets the first thirty-six hours because he doesn't feel left out or betrayed, and he went on to become great friends with Steven and Trishelle. Frank adds that he broke up with Emily because they weren't getting along, and kissing Trishelle had nothing to do with it. Frank does a strange robot dance while saying this, and Steven and Arissa totally mock him.

Hilarie has some questions from the internet. Someone asks Frank if he has more luck with the ladies now that he's semi-famous. Frank says it doesn't hurt, but that you can tell when someone is only interested in you because you were on television.

Hilarie brings up the other big couple of the season, Irulan and Alton. This leads to a montage of Irulan and Alton making out a lot, Gabe coming to visit, Alton feeling weird about it, the whole tent thing, Irulan lying to Gabe about it, Alton claiming he had a threesome in Australia, Irulan screaming at Alton for lying about it, and Alton and Irulan getting back together. Wow, that made about as much sense as it did the first time I saw all of those clips. That is to say, no sense at all.

Hilarie asks Alton and Irulan if they are still together, and they admit that they are. Hilarie asks for a round of applause, and people actually clap. Fuck off, audience members. Why are you applauding? Hilarie asks if they are living together. Irulan says they are living together in California, and Alton adds that they have a dog. I can't think of two people less equipped to take care of another living being than Alton and Irulan. I imagine their dog is the type that bites people, and probably when they break up in six months, they will take the dog to the pound. I hate them. Hilarie asks what made their relationship different than Steven and Trishelle's relationship. Alton says it was a relationship, and everyone laughs. Alton babbles about communication, which is hilarious. Hilarie asks how long it took them to finally realize that they wanted to be together. Irulan says it took their whole time in Vegas to figure it out. Steven says it took too long, and Arissa agrees. Hilarie asks why they tortured each other. Because they are both drama queens? Alton and Irulan blame it on the cameras and the roommates and blah blah blah.

Hilarie brings up Alton's threesome, and here's what Alton says: "That goes down, at least for me, with the alcohol and just like, I walked into the room, really drunk. The problem was, I forgot that I ever said that. Like, 'I never said that! I never said that!' And I'm like, 'Oh shit. I did say that. My bad.' You know? So that was the big problem." So did he or did he not have a threesome? And how shitty is it that Hilarie doesn't ask a follow-up question there? Hilarie asks Irulan how she felt about the situation after seeing the episodes. Irulan says she hated it, but they are in a different place now. People in the audience go, "Awww!" and I really hate the people in the audience right now. Hilarie asks another internet question, in which someone wants to know if Alton and Irulan will ever get married. They both cringe and say they're just taking it one day at a time.

Hilarie says that we're going to watch a montage of Brynn's relationships. We see: Brynn talking about Austin, Brynn hooking up with Mo, Austin arriving for a visit, Brynn telling Austin about Mo, Arissa bringing Mo for a visit while Austin is there, Brynn getting mad because Irulan sat on Mo's lap, and Brynn talking about how much she cares about Austin.

Brynn wipes away tears as the montage ends. Hilarie asks her if Austin is still in the picture. Brynn says that she's engaged, and points to her ring. Everyone claps. Hilarie asks if it was lonely for Brynn to go to Vegas without Austin. Brynn says she only met Austin a week before she left, so when he came to visit, they barely knew each other. Brynn adds that she and Mo were just friends and never did anything more than kiss while drunk. Um, didn't we just see a shot in that montage of Brynn and Mo in bed together looking fairly naked? I think someone is writing some revisionist history now. Hilarie asks Brynn if she's grown from her experience in Vegas. Brynn says that the past year has been intense for her, and the show was "a growing experience." Hilarie brings up that Brynn was jealous of Steven and Trishelle. Brynn says it had more to do with her insecurity and loneliness. Brynn says that she was insecure because of how beautiful the other girls in the house are, but they taught her to be more sure of herself. Hilarie congratulates Brynn on her engagement. Hmm -- no mention of Brynn's pregnancy, though. Interesting.

Now for some questions from the audience. The first person asks if it bothers them that the show was based on hookups instead of their personalities. Irulan says that it's a TV show and they have to try to get ratings. Frank complains that they never show his volunteer work for children's orphanages, and everyone laughs. The second person asks how often they thought about their actions being filmed. Frank says that they only thought of that after they had done something. Irulan says you get wrapped up in living your life. Brynn says that there was one hot cameraman, so they used to purposely not wear underwear when he had to mike them. What? That definitely deserves a follow-up question, but of course we don't get one. I'd love to hear the crew's impressions of each roommate. Steven jokes that the guy loved when he and Frank didn't wear underwear. Hilarie lamely takes us to commercial.

Hilarie welcomes us back by telling us that we're "knee-deep" in this special, and I have to take a few moments off to cry a little bit. After pulling myself together, I return to the show as Hilarie tells Arissa that she's not off the hook. The Arissa montage includes: Arissa talking about how much she loves Dario, Arissa getting jealous when Dario talks to another woman, Arissa saying that she can't change overnight, Arissa deciding that she's too dependent on Dario for her happiness, Arissa telling Dario she needs space, Dario telling Arissa that she sucks and Arissa getting pissed and turning into her mother a little bit, Arissa's mother drunk-calling Frank, Arissa fighting with her mother, Arissa having second thoughts about breaking up with Dario, Arissa finding out that Dario knocked up some other chick, and Arissa telling Dario he's pathetic and burning all of their pictures. I have to say that when they put it all in a montage like that, Arissa's storyline seemed kind of interesting. It was all of the crap in between that was boring.