Previously on The Real World: Irulan and Alton fought. Irulan didn't know if she could trust Alton because he makes out with lots of chicks. Irulan wasn't sure what the point was of her relationship with Gabe. Steven accidentally told Trishelle he loved her, and they decided to be just friends. Or did they?
Trishelle and Irulan get into the elevator wearing their work outfits, which consist of a black bikini top, a short black skirt, and a silver cowboy hat. Irulan and Trishelle see Steven on their way out, and find out that he's not working that night. In an interview, Trishelle says that she cares about Steven, but that she's confused about their relationship. Irulan says she thinks Trishelle and Steven have unfinished business. Trishelle says she feels like a liar. Wuh? Where did that come from? In an interview, Trishelle says that she loves Steven but she doesn't know if she wants to put herself in that position. Insert your own doggy-style joke here.
Suddenly, Trishelle and Steven are going somewhere in the van. Isn't she supposed to be at work? In an interview, Steven says he's learned that he can't separate sex from caring. Steven tells Trishelle that he doesn't think you can sleep with someone for as long as he slept with her and not develop feelings. Trishelle fucked the love right into him! Trishelle didn't think Steven cared, and he says he didn't think he did. In an interview, Trishelle says it's good to have their feelings out in the open. Trishelle asks if they still have a moratorium on hooking up. Steven doesn't know. In an interview, Trishelle says she doesn't know exactly what the boundaries are with Steven. Do these people even know what "boundaries" are? Is there a boundary they haven't crossed this season?
Irulan calls Gabe and gets his voicemail. We get to hear every ring, so this episode must have been a little short or something. Because seeing Irulan on the phone, I think we all could have filled in the dialing and the phone ringing parts without actually hearing them. In an interview, Irulan says she hasn't really talked to Gabe since everything happened with Alton. Irulan complains to Brynn that Gabe won't talk to her. In an interview, Irulan says she and Gabe haven't exactly broken up, but they're not exactly together.
The roommates go to volunteer at a homeless shelter. Ha! Just kidding. I just got sick of typing, "The roommates hang out in a bar." But that's what they are really doing. Alton and Irulan have a conversation that doesn't make any sense, as usual. They both really just like to hear themselves talk. In an interview, Irulan admits that she cares for Alton deep down inside. Alton starts babbling about how he loves Irulan and she doesn't love him. I don't know. Alton makes no sense. He says something about how he thinks sex is special. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton has slept with half of Vegas, which makes him a "dirty bird."
In an interview, Frank explains what happens , but of course, we don't get to see it, even though there are cameras right there. Frank claims that Alton was really drunk. One of Frank's friends, Sara, reached for a drink, and Alton drunkenly hit her hand, causing her to spill some of the drinks on the table. Sara agreed to pay for a replacement drink for Alton. Alton is all fired up about it. Frank tells Alton to lighten up, because he's drunk and it's not a big deal. Alton won't drop the chalupa. I can't believe I just used the phrase "drop the chalupa." Do you see what this show is doing to me? In an interview, Irulan says that Alton drives her up a wall, and sometimes it's due to his drinking.
Suddenly, Alton is talking to some big dude about how they could "dance." I guess he means "fight," but it's funnier to think he might really mean they could dance. Maybe they could have a dance-off like Britney and Justin did. That would be awesome. Anyway, the big dude is apparently Sara's friend, and he objects to the things Alton is saying about her. As usually happens with drunken bar fights, no one listens to what anyone else is saying and people yell over each other, and way too many people get involved. In an interview, Alton says that Trishelle and Brynn had his back, but Frank sold him out. Or, Frank was embarrassed about how much of an idiot Alton was being. In an interview, Frank says he understands being an idiot when you're drunk, but he was trying to get Alton out of the situation and Alton kept dragging Frank in, so Frank walked away. Alton and Sara's big friend walk towards the door. Alton keeps asking him to have a conversation outside. The two men keep yelling at each other, and finally Alton suggests that they go outside and talk. As they walk out, the editors insert a clip of Alton saying, "You know what? Let's dance!" but he clearly wasn't saying it at that moment and he said it with such enthusiasm that throughout the commercial break, I managed to convince myself that we were going to come back and see a musical number in the parking garage. No such luck.
When we return from the break, the cameraman is being all tricky by hiding the camera underneath cars and shit so all we see are Alton's feet and the other dude's feet. Anyway, Alton continues to talk nonsense about how he loves his mom and he knows that size doesn't matter and blah blah blah like fight or don't fight but talking is boring. Another alternate take that I imagined during the commercial break was, instead of a musical, they would come back and it would be like that scene in the shed between Bradley Cooper and Michael Ian Black in Wet Hot American Summer and that's all I'm going to say about that. But that would have been awesome. Or at least somewhat interesting. Anyway, they totally don't fight, so it was a waste of time.
Back in the Smokers' Lounge, Alton talks to Arissulan. Alton claims that he's a "one-man team," and that he's not worried about Frank, even though Frank is bigger. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton has an aggressive and somewhat destructive side. Frank comes out and sits on the floor. Alton starts babbling that Frank just let Alton leave the casino with that dude, and Frank was just rubbing his bitch's hand, but Alton doesn't believe in calling women bitches, but Frank was rubbing that bitch's hand, and Alton didn't like Sara because she spilled his drink. If you think that Alton's statement was nonsensical there, keep in mind that I cleaned it up a bit and clarified. That's how he talks. Okay, fine. Here's a direct quote of the part: "I mean, it doesn't matter that she spilled my drink, because it was a drink that was two dollars and fifty cents. It doesn't matter to me. I'll have many more two dollars and fifty cents, and even if I don't, I can call mom and be like, 'Mom, guess what? I need two fifty. Two dollars and fifty cents, or I'm gonna die. Can you hook me up?' And she'd be like, 'Yo, Alton. Two dollars and fifty cents.' I mean, it's no big deal." Arissulan start cracking up. They try not to laugh out loud as Alton goes on another rant about how he wouldn't allow a friend to fight for him. In an interview, Frank says it looks like Alton's brain is following his mouth. Frank asks if he can say something real quick. He apologizes for letting Alton down, and then suggests that they would have a better conversation about it when Alton is sober. Alton agrees and then walks out. I really would have liked to hear the conversation between Arissulan and Frank once Alton left.
Alton and Frank have a talk. Frank says he doesn't like hanging out with Alton when Alton is drunk. In an interview, Alton says that when he's drunk, he either gets horny or violent. Or both, based on his wrestling match with Irulan. In an interview, Frank says he's glad Alton can recognize he was a dickhead when he was drunk, and hopefully he'll make an effort to change his ways. Alton and Frank laugh and hug.
In an interview, Trishelle says it's Steven's birthday. Trishelle wears the most makeup I've ever seen her wear as she picks out a birthday card for him. In an interview, Trishelle says she wants to do something special for Steven. Trishelle gets home. In an interview, Trishelle says that she got copies of some pictures and put them in frames and then wrote a "sweet little note." She adds that she loves and cares about Steven, and she wants him to be with her and nobody else.
Steven and Frank discuss the situation at a bar while eating sushi. Frank reiterates that Steven told Trishelle he didn't have feelings for her, and then said that maybe he did. Steven laughs. In an interview, Frank says that Steven has "flashes of feelings" and thinks he should act on them. Steven says he's never slept with someone and then seen that person every day. In an interview, Steven says he doesn't intend to play with Trishelle's emotions, but he thinks he is anyway. Frank says that Trishelle would date Steven if he wanted. In an interview, Steven says he has an emotional void left by his ex-wife, and that he's dated a lot of girls to try to fill the void. I can't believe in all these episodes, we still have never heard why Steven got a divorce if his ex is so great.
Irulan finally gets a hold of Gabe on the phone. She tells him that she feels like they have broken up, and that she never gets to talk to him. In an interview, Irulan says that Gabe isn't there for her, and doesn't want to talk to her or be a part of her life. Gabe says he'll call her the day and Irulan tells him not to do her any favors. They hang up.
Alton plays the violin for Brynn out in the hallway. The best part is that the captioning describes it as, "screechy notes playing." So true, captioning. So true. Brynn looks like she wants to kill herself. Irulan comes out and sits down to talk to Brynn about Gabe, adding that she doesn't think she'll talk to Gabe again. Irulan thinks that Gabe doesn't even miss her. Brynn says Irulan should just hang out while she's in Vegas and then see what happens when she goes home. Irulan dramatically says that this changes everything. Alton puts resin on his bow (no, really) and listens to the whole thing. In an interview, Alton says that now that Gabe is out of the picture, he needs to "stop beating around the bush" and tell Irulan how he feels. Hasn't he done that, like, ten times already?
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a movie called Shattered Innocence, and just from the title, you can tell that it's going to be awesome. And it's based on a true story, which is another sign of awesomeness. So this girl lives in Kansas and she's the prettiest girl in her town, but it's Kansas, so that doesn't mean much. And she has, like, eight sisters and lives in a farmhouse with her parents and is really bored. So she decides to move to California with her boyfriend, Super Mullet. And she doesn't want to get a minimum-wage job, so she answers an ad in the paper to become a model. Well, everyone but this girl obviously knows what's going to happen . It's semi-nude modeling, and then nude modeling, and then Super Mullet dumps her when he finds out about the nudity. And then the big photographer tells her she's too fat, so she starts doing cocaine, and she loses a whopping six pounds, like that would make that big a difference, although maybe it would since she was, like, a hundred pounds to start out with. And then she gets into Playboy and shit, but then the jobs dry up because she's overexposed. And then she goes home to Kansas for Christmas and buys everyone really expensive presents and shows off her nude modeling pictures to her preteen sisters and her mom gets all mad and her teenaged sister says that the whole family is ashamed of her. So then this cheesy manager convinces her to do hardcore porn to be shown in those little booths in porno shops, of course, and she needs the money to pay for drugs, of course, so she does it. And then -- in what seemed to me to be a backward move on the downward spiral -- she moves into regular porn and she wins a porn award and does a lot more coke. So then she gets recognized and realizes that people actually watch porn and might know she's a porn star, so she refuses to do another movie. So she hooks up with this coke dealer, who is actually a pretty nice guy and lets her move to his house in Palm Springs and work in his store, but she keeps doing coke and gets nosebleeds and shit and he tries to cut her off. But then he gets arrested and thrown in jail and she totally bails on him instead of staying in his house and paying his bills and running the store like he asked. So she has to do another porn movie to get some money and she goes back to the house in Palm Springs one last time to pack up her stuff and she finds a gun in the closet. But it's not even like a shotgun or a pistol. It's like an automatic weapon. And somehow she uses it to shoot herself, but she didn't even die instantly, and her parents had to come out from Kansas and take her off life support. So the moral of the story is, don't move away from Kansas. I guess.
Back on the show, it's Steven's birthday and Trishelle gives him her gift. The card reads, "Steven: In the past three months, we've gone from acquaintances to sleeping together (ha ha) to not speaking to friend, but I always knew no matter what that we would remain close. I'm so lucky to have you as a friend. You are so wonderful and you teach me something new every day. I hope you have a great [something something] love and care about you [something] you'll ever know." And then the rest was off-screen. Steven reads another card that I guess is from the other roommates and Frank wrote: "Steven, Las Vegas was so much fun. I want Los Angeles to be fun too so don't ever call me to hang out. Your dearest friend, Frank." Steven is happy about his gifts from Trishelle. He reads what she wrote on the back of the photo, but I can't see what it says, and then puts the frame on top of his armoire with some others.
In a club, Steven blows out the candles on his cake as everyone cheers. In an interview, Trishelle says that Steven is precious and she cares about him a lot. Steven yells that it's time to get drunk. So they get drunk. In an interview, Steven says that alcohol makes him horny. Alert the media! Alcohol made someone horny! I bet that's never happened before. Anyway, Steven and Trishelle totally start making out and I just saw all of Steven's tongue and it was gross and then they go into the elevator and he's rubbing her in the bathing suit area and then they run into the bedroom and tear their clothes off. Brynn is sitting at the computer, and she looks at the camera and shakes her head. In an interview, Brynn says that Steven can deny his feelings for Trishelle all he wants, but she's not buying it. In bed, Steven and Trishelle whisper that they love each other. In an interview, Trishelle says that they might want to date each other. In an interview, Steven says that he can't escape it while they're living together. They do it in the bed.
Irulan and Alton sit in the Smokers' Lounge talking. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton asked if she wanted to get back together, and she was conflicted. Irulan tells Alton that she doesn't want to make the same mistake twice. Alton says she won't know if it's a mistake unless she tries, and then says that he loves her. Irulan agrees to give it a shot. Man, what is with the women on this show? A man says "I love you" and they lose their minds. Did it ever occur to them that the guys are just saying it to get what they want and don't really mean it? In a confessional, Irulan says she's tired of pretending she doesn't care, because she loves Alton. Irulan and Alton go to bed together. In an interview, Irulan says she knows Alton is "a dirty bird," but she doesn't care because she wants to be with him.
Irulan tells Steven that she told Alton she cared about him. In an interview, Steven says that Gabe is out of the picture and there's nothing holding Irulan back. Irulan says she knows roommates hooking up could be bad for everyone in the house, but she doesn't think it's been bad for Steven and Trishelle, because they have "something special." Irulan wonders if maybe Steven and Trishelle stumbled upon something. Steven says he didn't think he had feelings for Trishelle. In an interview, Steven says Trishelle is beautiful, sweet, and great in bed, but that he needs more out of a woman. Like half a brain? In an interview, Irulan says that sometimes she thinks Steven and Trishelle just have physical chemistry and sometimes she thinks they're in love, but she doesn't know.
week: Brynn has a family crisis and wants to go home. Arissa meets some ugly dude named Alex.