Previously on The Real World: Irulan confessed to her boyfriend Gabe that she had "kissed" Alton. The roommates found out they were going to Australia. Alton was excited to find out there were single women in Australia, which pissed Irulan off. She was also pissed off that Alton decided to room with the boys. She was? I don't remember seeing that last week. Maybe it was in the three minutes I missed because MTV started the episode early.
The women sunbathe topless. Arissa says she feel liberated. In an interview, Arissa says she's doing things she never thought she'd do, and that the trip will be "a stepping stone to change." If I hear Arissa say the word "change" one more time, I don't know what I will do. She's worse than Cara last season with the constantly talking about things she knows she has to do, but then never actually doing them. Alton approaches. In an interview, Alton says that Irulan is mad at him for rooming with the boys instead of her, and she thinks he's going to hook up with all of the girls on the island. In an interview, Brynn says that Irulan and Alton seem a little cold with each other.
Irulan tells Arissa, "Four days of Temptation Island is more than, like, everything this has led up to be? Then, like, you know?" She has been spending too much time with Alton because now she's talking nonsense just like he does. In an interview, Irulan emotionally states that Alton's rooming with the boys makes her feel like she's getting shafted again. Actually, the point is that she's not getting shafted, right? And also, it's really difficult for me to feel bad about Alton dissing Irulan when she has a boyfriend. I know she and Gabe have an open relationship, but can you really blame Alton for not making Irulan his #1 priority when he clearly isn't hers? Arissa tells Irulan that she's been burned by Alton more than once. Irulan says she's "not feeding into it," and that she told Alton that they're done. Good! Well, I guess this episode is pretty much over, right? It's not like Irulan would take that back.
The roommates are going to take camel rides on the beach. I have to say that when I think Australia, I don't really think camels. In an interview, Frank says that he's having the best time, and every day he does something he's never done before. The roommates ride their camels down the beach. Whoo! That was exciting.
Suddenly, they are all on a boat. And now they are snorkeling. Fish! Turtles! In an interview, Arissa says that the vacation has opened her eyes. Arissa has a number of birds (parrots?) feeding from her hands. Irulan walks up and Alton shows her how you can feed the birds. In an interview, Irulan says that even though it's an amazing place, she's not having as good a time as she could because of the tension with Alton. She concludes, "He's a big asshole and I hate him." Again, does that mean the storyline is finished? Because I know I'm done with it.
Alton tells Steven that Irulan was really offended when he told her he would be sharing a room with the two guys. She was? Why wouldn't they tell us that once or twice already in the first five minutes of the episode? Because I know that, on this show, they have to tell me something two times, and then show it to me, and then have one of the roommates explain what I'm seeing while I'm watching it. Except I don't need that, and yet they do it anyway. Steven is sure that Alton and Irulan will hook up a few more times. Alton says that Irulan has a boyfriend, so she has no right to say anything. In an interview, Steven says that Irulan doesn't have any place to tell Alton he can't hook up with other girls. Agreed. In an interview, Alton says, "I should mingle like I'm single, because I am." So are they trying to say that they think Alton should be allowed to hook up with other girls? I wish they would be clearer on that point. Alton does some pelvic thrusts and Steven cracks me up by saying, "I don't even know what you're doing." Hee!
The roommates all eat dinner together. Alton notices that a woman at another table is feeding a possum, and he decides he needs to warn her that the possum might bite or scratch her. In an interview, Arissa says that Alton is over there talking to two girls. Irulan watches the whole thing. Alton finds out that the two women are going to Salt (the club where they danced last week) after dinner, and he promises to show up there later. I still think Alton can talk to whomever he likes, but it does seem kind of rude for him to dis all of his roommates to do it. Alton returns to the table and tells them all about the party the girls mentioned. Alton voice-overs that if he had a girlfriend, he wouldn't be doing this, but Irulan is not his girlfriend. Irulan continues to glare at Alton. Why is she letting him ruin her vacation? Just tell him to F off and be done with him. And then she could hook up with another boy if she wanted to. Or not. Whatever.
At Salt, Alton dances with various ladies. The female roommates all watch him and glare at him, like, can't they just go and have a good time and ignore him? So annoying. Alton voice-overs that he wants to have fun as we see him grinding some chick on the dance floor. I love how whenever the roommates go out, they are like the only ones in the club and the dance floors are deserted. That doesn't seem like much fun.
Brynn, Irulan, and Trishelle walk back to their room. Irulan says something about Alton, and the other girls moan and groan. I feel you, girls. Irulan says she's drunk and she wants some. Meanwhile, Alton stumbles around on the beach alone. In an interview, Trishelle says that Irulan looks like an asshole and it pisses her off, because she thinks that's how she looked with Steven. Well...she kind of did. Except neither she nor Steven had another relationship on the side. And Steven seemed to have the courtesy to break up with Trishelle before hooking up with other women. Trishelle tells Irulan that she's been there, and that hooking up with a roommate just makes you look stupid. Alton stumbles back to his room. Irulan says something about how she could get a big fat dick and look stupid, so the big fat dick might not be worth it. I can't believe I am recapping Irulan talking about Alton's big fat dick. This is a new low. And that's coming from the person who recapped Love Cruise, people. And Joe Millionaire. In an interview, Trishelle says that Irulan needs to stay away from Alton.
Alton finally gets into his room. In an interview, Steven says that he was crashed out in bed in the guys' room and Alton came in. We hear Alton making a lot of noise, but the cameras don't follow him in the room. But he's clearly still miked. Steven asks what happened, and Alton says it's not cool. Steven thinks it's something to do with Irulan. Alton says, "The first threesome in my life in Australia." In case you couldn't understand him since he is slurring his words quite a bit, they resurrect the Dreaded Comic Sans Font of Captioning. Steven says it's cool in a way that means, "I'd like to go back to sleep now." Alton tells Steven to forget everything he said, and then the conversation cuts off. I wonder what else was said after that? Wait, I really don't wonder.
Alton and Steven sit on the beach and discuss how Alton should approach Irulan to try to smooth things over. In an interview, Alton says he's not having a good time, and he wants to spend "quality time with Irulan." Why the sudden change of heart? I thought he was all single and loved to mingle? Steven thinks that Irulan would be willing to patch things up. In an interview, Steven says he didn't tell Irulan about Alton's threesome. Alton mumbles some more crazy talk that I don't really understand. From what I could get, he doesn't think Irulan will take him back. Steven doesn't think Alton will get rejected. In an interview, Steven says there's no doubt in his mind that Irulan and Alton will continue dating, especially since their vacation is so romantic. Steven says that life's too short not to try talking to Irulan, and Alton agrees. In an interview, Alton says he wants to talk to Irulan and see where they're at. So, let me get this straight. Does Alton want to patch things up with Irulan? I wish they would show a few more interviews with people addressing that issue before Irulan and Alton actually talk to each other, just so we're clear.
Irulan and Alton walk down the beach. Irulan discusses when Alton told her he was rooming with the boys, a decision which apparently was triggered when he found out about all of the single women at the resort. Alton says he didn't intend it that way. Irulan says that she believes him, because he has no reason to lie. In an interview, Irulan says she wants to believe Alton, but tha she's heard things that damage her trust. Irulan says she thought they were having a good time, and then it suddenly switched. In an interview, Alton says that they are acting like they don't care about each other when they do. Alton tells Irulan that he misses her friendship and "all that good stuff." I take that to mean that he knows they are going back to Vegas soon and he wants to ensure that she'll continue having sex with him. They hold hands as they walk. Irulan says she's been miserable, and Alton says that he has, too. So miserable that he had to seek out the comfort of a threesome. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton seems "caring and sweet and sincere." Alton tells Irulan that he's in love with her. She smiles coyly like, "Yeah, I've got him back under my thumb."
Suddenly Alton and Irulan are snuggling in a hot tub. In an interview, Trishelle says that Alton is telling Irulan that he loves her, and that he shouldn't say that over and over again unless he really means it. Gee, do you think maybe Trishelle is projecting a bit? She never showed much interest in Alton and Irulan's relationship until Steven dumped her. Alton and Irulan walk back to one of the rooms. I think Alton is wearing a t-shirt and no pants. In an interview, Alton says he respects and loves Irulan, and that their connection has gotten deeper and more intimate. Because now that he's hooked up with two other women simultaneously, he can really commit to Irulan. I don't know. Alton and Irulan snuggle in bed.
Trishelle walks around the resort with some random Australian guy, who tells her that Alton hooked up with two of his female neighbors. In an interview, Trishelle sums up the entire episode: "Alton tells Irulan that he loves her and all this stuff, but then he's hooking up with other girls at the same time. Alton is just playing her for a fool." Man, I should have just written that and submitted it as the entire recap. Random Australian Guy tells Trishelle that Alton wrote a letter to one of the women he hooked up with, saying, "Thank you for the lip service. You are really blessed. It is such an honor to meet such a person like this and I am really blessed to spend the night with you." "Lip service"? So that means she gave him a hummer, right? For someone who is trying to keep this whole thing a secret, Alton is not so smart about covering his tracks and creating plausible deniability. Trishelle tells Random Australian Guy that Alton is sleeping with one of her roommates right now, and that it's gross.
Irulan and Alton snuggle at Rain. They proclaim their love for each other, and talk about how happy they are. In an interview, Alton says he doesn't feel that Irulan is truly in love with him, because he doesn't know how she could be in love with both him and Gabe. The captioning says that Marc comes up and asks Alton if he wants to meet the girls. We heard someone ask that, but didn't see if it was, in fact, Grody Marc. Alton walks off. Irulan makes a face at Brynn like, "Can you believe he just left to go meet some girls?" In an interview, Irulan says she's sitting right there and Alton still feels the need to go flirt with six other girls, and she doesn't know how he can say he loves her and then leave like that. So tell him to fuck off! Stop complaining about it and stop hooking up with him. Or break up with your boyfriend and commit to Alton if that's what you want. I do think it's wrong of Alton to lie to Irulan about his activities, but I also still have trouble being sympathetic to Irulan. Although all Alton has to do is tell her why he keeps hooking up with other girls, if he really is so in love with Irulan, and give her the opportunity to dump Gabe. Then again, I don't give a shit about these people. In a confessional, Alton says that his actions are the opposite of his feelings, because he didn't feel comfortable expressing his feelings. Alton continues to flirt with the girls while Irulan guzzles champagne at the bar. Brynn and Mo (her "friend," although it's a little weird that she's clinging to him since she supposedly has a boyfriend now) tell Irulan that she's better than this. In an interview, Irulan says she feels like she can't breathe. Alton flirts some more and gets some phone numbers.
Irulan gets pissed off and starts swearing. In an interview, Irulan says that it was everything: bringing a girl home on her birthday, what may or may not have happened in Australia, flirting with six women in the bar. Irulan leaves the bar and Brynn and Mo follow her. In an interview, Irulan says she'd rather walk away than deal with it. That's another summary of the episode right there. Irulan lies in her bed and cries. Brynn and Mo try to comfort her. Irulan says she doesn't care, and she can't do it anymore, and she let her guard down. Brynn tries to tell her that it doesn't matter, and that she has friends who care about her. Irulan sobs that she has to "tell him everything that [she] did." Gabe? I think she's saying that she has to tell Gabe everything and she thought Alton was worth that risk, but he's not. Irulan says she's going home, because she doesn't need to feel bad.
In an interview, Brynn says that Irulan wants to go home "because she misses Gabe and she can't be with Alton because of what he has done to her." So Gabe is her consolation prize? Nice. Irulan starts looking at pictures of Gabe on the wall, and Brynn tries to dissuade her. In an interview, Brynn says she's not going to let Irulan go home. Brynn takes Irulan out to the kitchen and shows her pictures of all the roommates having fun together. Irulan rips the pictures off the wall and runs down the hall. Brynn tells her just to go then. Irulan is such a brat. In an interview, Brynn says she doesn't want Irulan to leave. Alton shows up with his pants hanging off his ass and asks Irulan why she's going home. In an interview, Alton says it's stupid if Irulan goes home because of something he did. Alton insists that Irulan isn't going home. Irulan just says she doesn't want to be there anymore. Alton walks out of the room and says that she's giving up on herself.
week: Irulan confronts Alton over the alleged threesome. Alton swears on his dead brother that he didn't. Oh, that's cold. Irulan throws glasses and kicks Alton. Shouldn't she get kicked out for that? Maybe Steven will call the producers again and demand that she leave. (That all seems so long ago.) In an interview, Irulan says she's going home.