Previously on The Real World: Frank was disgusted by Steven, Brynn, and Trishelle's threeway in the tub. This did not, of course, prevent him from sitting there and watching the whole thing. Brynn didn't find their job very important, and it pissed Irulan off. Arissa was disgusted when Alton hooked up with a woman in the bathtub, and yet she's another one who sat and watched the threesome happen in said tub a few weeks earlier. I guess roommate sex cooties are okay, but outsider cooties are not.
The song on the soundtrack talks about "living in a galaxy of hookers, pimps, and thieves." Frank and Steven are at a strip club. Strippers surround them, and I'm sure the cameras have nothing to do with that. In an interview, Steven says that he doesn't think Frank has ever been to a strip club. In an interview, Frank says that he can't appreciate the strip club for what it is, and instead tries to make friends with the strippers. So why is he there, again? One of the strippers starts to give Frank a lap dance, and Frank pushes her away and points her in Steven's direction. In an interview, Frank says that it's "so hard to find a good girl in Las Vegas." First of all, how does he know none of the strippers is a good girl? I'm guessing Frank's definition of "good girl" doesn't include a girl who likes sex. Well, I'm sure he's going to find a "good girl" in the bars and strip clubs where we've seen him so far.
Trishelle asks Frank about his mom. Frank says that his mom is "the Church Lady." That is so disturbing on so many levels. Frank says that his mom has pampered him, but also taught him a lot. Well, isn't that special? Arissa says that Frank is fucked, because he will never find a wife who measures up to his mother. Frank thinks he will. In a confessional, Frank says that he wants a "girl" who "is really nice and likes cooking [him] dinner and likes taking care of [him]." That's not a wife. That's a maid. Also, "girl"? Try "woman." Frank bugs me. Steven points out the irony of religious Frank dragging Steven to strip clubs. Wait, Frank dragged Steven to the strip club? And then bitched about how he didn't enjoy it and couldn't find any nice girls there?
The roommates meet with Marc from Rain, who announces that the theme of their party is Lust. In an interview, Frank explains that they have to put on two skits for the party. Oh, it's the Halloween celebration in Chicago all over again! Except without scary Kyle, the classically trained actor. Marc says that since their skits include licking whipped cream off each other and spanking, they need to remember that it's a nightclub, not a gentleman's club. Yes, I'm sure it will be only tasteful licking and restrained spanking. The fuck? Irulan says that she can't participate, so she'll be the photographer. In an interview, Steven says that it's "a big cop-out." Irulan says that she doesn't want to be degraded or exploited, because it makes her feel bad about herself. And while I appreciate her point, wasn't she the one grinding all over Alton on national television a few weeks back? I don't really see the difference. And way to insult all of your roommates and tell them that they are being degraded if they do this, by the way. Marc says that the roommates chose the theme and the skits, so they have to do it. In an interview, Trishelle says that they don't work well as a team. Marc reminds them to promote the party well. In an interview, Brynn says that she hates promoting and would rather not do it at all. If only that worked in real life (i.e. not Brynn World). I really hate writing recaplets, so I'm just not going to do it anymore. I'll still get paid, though. Right, Wing? That's not a problem? Also, writing these recaps makes me feel bad about myself, so I just can't do it. But I still want to get paid. I know. I'm fired. See? You do the work that you were contracted to do if you want to get paid. ["Plus writing these recaps makes you feel great about yourself." -- Wing Chun]
Trishelle promotes the party to some guys in a bar. Alton asks a woman in a coffee shop if he can put some flyers out. In an interview, Alton says that it's just another week where he does all the promotion and no one else works. In an interview, Frank says that he doesn't feel like they've done enough promotion, so he decided to go out and even just do a little, because it's better than nothing. While he was out, he met a girl named Melanie, who was "so cool" and "one of the nicer girls that [he's] met in Las Vegas," but she's only there on her spring break. Frank talks to Melanie, who appears to be all alone. So either her friends ditched her or she went on spring break by herself. Frank slurs that he's in Vegas so he can't meet normal girls, until Melanie. In a confessional, Frank says that even though he's twenty-two, when he meets girls, he wonders if he could marry them. Okay, seriously, if they're old enough to consider marrying, they are not "girls." They are women. I know it seems silly, but it really bothers me that he always calls female people "girls." I think it speaks volumes about his issues with women. Frank tells Melanie that when he gets married, he doesn't want to have a bachelor party, because to him that implies that he thinks being married will suck. That's the first sensible thing he's said all night. Melanie wouldn't want to marry a guy who needed a bachelor party.
Melanie asks where they should go. Frank says it's up to her. They head up to the suite. They go into Frank's room, but Alton is asleep in there. Frank grabs some blankets and tells Steven that he and Melanie are going into the confessional to get some privacy. Steven giggles. In a confessional, Frank (with Melanie on his lap) says that Melanie "is the only good girl [he's] met in Las Vegas." Enough with the "good girl" obsession. God! In an interview, Steven says that he knows Frank and Melanie aren't doing anything more than kissing. And lo and behold, Frank and Melanie are kissing. Brynn walks into the confessional and clearly interrupts something, and apologizes. She runs out into the Hallway of Smoke and tells Arissa and Irulan that she saw "some guy's naked ass" in the confessional. Irulan is scandalized, but intrigued. Brynn doesn't know who it was. Arissa immediately gets pissed that someone is having sex in the confessional, and asks if it was Alton. Brynn thinks it was. Irulan points out that Frank came in with a girl. Brynn doesn't think it was Frank. Arissa dramatically stubs out her cigarette, dramatically pulls open the door, and dramatically walks down the hall, swinging her ponytail. Dramatically. She reaches the confessional and knocks on the door, giving a really fucking condescending speech about how the confessional is "a communal space." The people inside open the door a bit (I have to assume it locks from the inside, so they must have opened it) and Arissa pokes her head in a bit. Arissa commands the people inside to "get your skank ass out of here." The person inside (presumably it was Frank) slams the door and bonks Arissa in the forehead. And then they show it again. And then I use my Instant Replay feature on my new DVR to watch it a few more times. It's difficult to tell how hard she got hit, and how much of it was her pulling back to avoid being hit in the first place. She certainly doesn't grab her head or anything as you might imagine. Arissa struggles to open the door and keeps yelling, "Take your skank out of here!" Like, why does she always insult the female half of the couple? Why isn't Frank the skank in this scenario, or Alton in the one? This season is setting women back, like, twenty years.
Arissa sits (dramatically) outside the confessional, waiting for Frank and Melanie to emerge so that she can confront them. What is she going to say exactly, that she hasn't already said? Is she going to call Melanie a skank a few more times? In an interview, Steven says that Arissa seems to be looking for things to be angry about. Arissa tells Steven it's gross that people are having sex in a communal space. Which it is, but when you live with six walking hormones, I don't know what else you expect. As disgusting as it is to consider, there aren't many places in your typical college dorm where at least one couple hasn't had sex. When you put sexed-up young people in a position where they have to share sleeping quarters, that's what happens. People get creative. Frank walks out and tells Arissa that Melanie is frightened because she feels like everyone thinks they were having sex. He asks Arissa and Steven to beat it so that Melanie can walk out without seeing them. Frank also adds that he was just kissing her. I guess those were the magic words, because suddenly Arissa is totally fine with everything and agrees to go inside so Melanie can make her great escape. In an interview, Frank says that he's acting very cordial to Arissa because screaming and yelling will just make things worse for Melanie. So if they were just kissing, why did Brynn see naked ass? Wait, do I really want an answer to that question? No. No, I don't. Frank leads Melanie out very quickly and assures her that it's okay.
Trishelle asks what's going on. Arissa says that she thought Frank was having sex in the confessional, which isn't cool because it's a place that other roommates have to go, like the shower. Arissa then asks Steven and Trishelle if they had sex in the shower, because she heard they did. Steven denies it. Trishelle looks totally busted, so I'm guessing they did. I wish the editors had cut to footage of Steven and Trishelle in the shower right there. Frank puts Melanie in a cab and yells, "Did you have fun with me? Did you like me?" ["That would be Melanie's cue to take that cab to Spain, because needy much, Frank?" -- Wing Chun] Melanie says that the ending was bad, and Frank agrees. In an interview, Frank says that he's extremely mad at Arissa and wants to "scream and yell and tell her how much of a bitch [sic] she is." Melanie's cab pulls away, and Melanie looks humiliated. Frank walks back upstairs with his ever-present bottle of water. He asks to speak to Arissa alone.
Frank and Arissa go out to the Hall of Smoke. Frank says that Arissa pushed him over the edge and continues, "I don't like you, Arissa. I don't like you at all." Wow, that was kind of harsh. Arissa totally doesn't react to this statement. Frank says that he was just kissing Melanie, and Arissa yelled things that weren't true. Arissa says that she was brought up very differently than the others in the house were with regard to sex, and she thinks Frank is the same as she is. In an interview, Frank says that Arissa is getting defensive because she doesn't want to admit she was wrong. Is anyone going to apologize for biffing Arissa in the head with the door? I can't believe she isn't making more drama out of that. Frank yells that Arissa blows up small issues. Arissa stops and tells Frank that he's totally right, and she's "a very hothead [sic]." Arissa says that she's learning a lot about herself, and Frank is "very valid" in what he says and feels. God, this eternal validation of others feeling is so fucking tiresome. Can't someone just yell "It wasn't not funny" and then someone could stick his scabby fingers in the peanut butter? That's what I'm talking about. In an interview, Frank says that he realized that Arissa was being genuine, and he didn't need to rub her face in it. Okay, but seriously, is he going to apologize for biffing her in the head? Frank hugs Arissa and tells her to yell at Alton when he brings another skank home. If I never hear the word "skank" again this season, it will be too soon. Judgmental sons of bitches. ["I'm sure that hug felt just great, coming seconds after Frank flat out said he didn't like Arissa. Speaking of being genuine." -- Wing Chun]
Jean comes to the suite to have a last-minute meeting with the roommates about the Lust promotion, but Brynn's not there. Irulan is pissed. In an interview, Trishelle says that Brynn is at her friend Josh's house. Irulan refuses to go through with the meeting until Brynn gets there. Why does Irulan get to make that decision? She leaves the meeting.
Meanwhile, Brynn and Josh get into a car to head to the hotel. Brynn says that she knows it's not fair, but that she's not going to do any more work than she has to. In an interview, Brynn says that she doesn't care about their job, and that everyone else is on top of things anyway. Brynn admits that she hasn't been paying attention to the promotion this week, because she doesn't like it. I feel like I say the same thing every season, so I'm not going to repeat it again here. Remember what I said when [insert name of cast member] complained about [insert job-related task]? That goes for Brynn, too.
The other roommates go to the costume shop. In an interview, Trishelle says that she's a sexy nurse. She tries on the costume and bends over so that Steven can see her ass. In an interview, Alton says he's been having dreams that Trishelle and Steven are pregnant, and then he found out that they've been having a lot of unprotected sex. Alton wonders if they are that stupid. What is he, new? Trishelle lures Steven into the dressing room. Where's Arissa to yell at them about having sex in a communal space? Shouldn't she be calling Trishelle a skank about now? Alton tries on a blond wig and a nurse's uniform. It's like this episode was written just to piss me off, between Frank's women issues, Arissa's judgmentalism, Brynn's lack of work ethic, and now my biggest pet peeve -- straight men dressing up as women passed off as comedy. Arissa tells Alton that he has "a glorious hair." Which one?
Irulan tells Brynn that they all were out late the night before, but that Brynn's the only one who didn't make the meeting. Brynn admits that she hasn't been responsible, but says that she doesn't care about the job. Irulan reminds her of the time Trishelle was flirting with that dude while the rest of them worked, and how mad Brynn was. Meanwhile, Irulan is totally ranking on Trishelle for being "hugged up" with the guy and "drunk," and Trishelle is sitting right there. Trishelle's kind of like Ozzy in that she just has no clue most of the time. Except at least with Ozzy, you can blame the past drug use and the current medication. Trishelle has no excuse. Irulan says that they all get in trouble when the promotions are bad. In an interview, Irulan says that they have to accomplish a task, and she doesn't want to have to work harder because someone else is slacking. Irulan tells Brynn that if she doesn't start working, she might get sent home. Really? Also, who died and made Irulan a producer?
Irulan complains to Marc that she is acting as Brynn's supervisor. Again, who asked her to? Let Brynn suffer for her own mistakes. Just make it clear who is responsible for which tasks, and when Brynn's tasks don't get done, she'll have to pay for it. Irulan claims that Marc and Jean see them as a team, but that it's not how they work. Arissa adds that she doesn't want to do the work of multiple people. Irulan says that Trishelle worked harder this week because she got yelled at last week. Was that whole ski dance thing just last week? I have no clue. Marc thinks that Brynn stepped up this week, but Irulan says that Brynn's been working hard in the hot tub, and that's about it. In an interview, Irulan says it bothers her that Brynn doesn't care about her responsibilities to the team. Marc says that he can't give them a curfew, but that he can punish people if their partying is affecting the work. In an interview, Arissa says that there is no team. Marc says that even though Vegas is a twenty-four-hour party, they are real people (ha!) with real jobs (ha! Ha!). Arissulan don't seem very convinced that Marc will handle it. I sure hope Marc doesn't get fired over this. Oh, wait. He already did get fired.
Melanie calls for Frank, and Arissa gets on the phone and apologizes for the way she acted. So if Frank and Melanie did have sex, then Arissa wouldn't apologize? What if Melanie just gave Frank a blowjob? What if he felt her up, under the bra? I just want to know what the skank parameters are here. In an interview, Arissa says that she's apologizing because "Melanie is not that girl" that Arissa assumed she was. Oh, she's not a whore. This whole thing just baffles me. If they did have sex, would Frank have been "that guy"? Arissa tells Melanie to feel comfortable coming to visit, and then hands off the phone to Frank with a hug. Frank tells Melanie that she should come visit him in Vegas if she gets bored. As long as they don't have sex. Or go past second base or something. As I said, I don't understand. Frankly, I think eating pizza out of the sink is grosser than having sex in the confessional, especially if they used condoms. But whatever.
Brynn tells Trishelle that since she hasn't been eating right, that could cause her period to be late. But Brynn really thinks that Trishelle is pregnant. Trishelle says that she hates to go to the doctor. Brynn wants Trishelle to go with her the time she goes. Does Steven even know about this yet? And also, couldn't she just take a home pregnancy test first? I can't believe that it would be possible that she did, but they didn't catch it on camera. Arissa and Brynn try to convince Trishelle to go. Trishelle says, "And, like, the pregnancy thing? I want to put that off." Does she even understand how the whole thing works? The longer she puts it off, the fewer her options if she is pregnant. Brynn points that out. Trishelle says with a huge grin, "This is just bad. Like, this is really bad." She really just had no clue.
It's time for the big Lust promotion at Rain. Steven tells Frank he hopes the turnout isn't horrible. In an interview, Steven says that the turnout was really low. The roommates get dressed for their skit. In an interview, Frank explains that he's dressed up in "some blatant Roman outfit." As opposed to a subtle Roman outfit? He's carrying a platform, upon which Trishelle, Arissa, and Alton are simulating a threeway. And they get paid for this? In an interview, Arissa says that acting lusty with Alton feels incestuous. Meanwhile, Brynn dances in a naughty schoolgirl outfit. In an interview, Steven says that Irulan was just running around taking pictures, which didn't seem fair. Then a nurse skit starts up. Trishelle examines the patient, Frank, who checks out her ass. Then Frank pretends to sleep and Trishelle leaves. Alton starts rubbing Frank, who assumes it's Trishelle. When Frank discovers that his nurse is actually Alton (whose wig falls off), he freaks out. Ha? Everyone cheers. Backstage, Marc says that it was one of the funniest things he's ever seen in his life, though he would have liked more people in the crowd. That is so, so sad, because that was so, so unfunny. Everyone celebrates. In an interview, Steven says that all of the roommates are more into partying than working. Trishelle (possibly pregnant) asks Frank to get her (and her potential baby) another drink. Isn't she practically in her third trimester at this point?
The morning, the very hung-over roommates go to a meeting with Marc. He tells them that they look like death warmed over, and that they are burning out and letting the party aspect of the job get the best of them. He thinks their skits were great, and says that out of ten, they would rate a seven right now. Brynn points out that every time Marc says something positive, he follows it with something negative. Would you rather he just tells you the negative? Because that's what I'm sure he'd like to do. I can't believe I'm defending grody Marc. Also, shut up, Brynn. Marc says he's trying to help them learn, and adds that they aren't really working as a team. In an interview, Frank says that they have trouble working as a team due to the cliques in the house, so Marc is sending them to a team-building workshop. Marc tells them as much. In an interview, Frank says that if they keep fighting and letting personal issue interfere, they won't have a job anymore. The roommates look shocked. And pissed. And hung-over.
week: Steven and Arissa fight and swear. At the team-building seminar, Arissa cries and tells her roommates she loves them. Boo! We want more fighting! We don't want tears and everyone getting along. Boooo-ring!