Previously on The Real World: Trishelle thought that she and Steven had a "really weird connection," and if she's referring to some sort of kinky sexual position, I don't want to know about it. Steven said that Trishelle had a "positive aura," which means that she gives out the vibe that she positively will sleep with you. Alton had to wear "body paint, wings, and a halo," and thought that it looked very gay. I really don't know any way that ensemble could not look gay, actually. The most heterosexual man in the world would look gay in that outfit.
Some dude walks into the suite and yells, "What a dump!" Steven explains that this dude is his best friend from home, John. In Steven's bedroom, John finds something called "pleasure wipes," of which Steven denies knowledge. I can't even fathom a use for those. Well, I probably could, but I don't want to, so I'm going to move on. Steven says that he's known John about five years, and that they are really close, and adds that John is gay. The music changes from upbeat dance music to something more sinister, and John and Steven start walking in slow motion. I don't know what that was about. It was a very Ally McBeal needle-scratching-on-a-record effect. In an interview, Steven says it bothers him that Alton is homophobic. Steven also claims that Alton doesn't like gay people and thinks that "being gay is really, really wrong." Steven thinks it will be good for Alton to meet John and learn that gay people are just people. Wow, thank you for telling me that, Mr. PSA. I like to think that Alton is the exception in his attitudes toward gay people, and not the rule, at least among Real World viewers. But I'm probably wrong.
Trishelle and Steven cuddle and kiss while the other roommates look disgusted and annoyed. At some other point, Trishelle looks at Steven with a puzzled expression, like he just said a big word or asked her to name the capital of Maine or something. And then at some point later, a bunch of the roommates are eating dinner. John asks, "So, Trishelle, if you met someone, would you stop sleeping with Steven?" I'm pretending that I don't see the dreaded Comic Sans Captioning Font. What? What led up to that question? And is that really appropriate dinner conversation with someone you've just met? Trishelle giggles and blushes and then says that it depends on how much she liked the new guy. In an interview, Trishelle says that she and Steven are just having fun. In an interview, Frank says that he definitely thinks that Trishelle has feelings for Steven. Frank really, really needs to get a life, because there are two options to explain his behavior this year. Either he is so up in everyone else's business that he can only gossip about his roommates, or he has so little going on in his own life that the producers only ask him questions about his roommates because Frank is so boring. Either way, he needs to get a life.
John asks Trishelle whether her relationship with Steven is all about sex. Again, why is John asking these questions? Why isn't Steven? And why are they doing it in a restaurant? I don't know. Trishelle says she's definitely looking for a guy to date. In an interview, Steven says that he's not going to be Trishelle's "guy in Vegas," but that he will be "the guy Trishelle occasionally hooks up with in Vegas." "Occasionally"? From what we've seen, they're hooking up, like, every night. Steven tells Trishelle that she's saving him from being "a bad, bad guy" while he's in Vegas. Trishelle thinks that means that he's using her. How did she not think that before? Of course, he's using her. She's using him. They're using each other. Steven says that, and Trishelle agrees. Wow, I typed that before I actually saw what Steven said, and now I'm feeling like Miss Cleo if she wasn't a total fraud and probably in prison at this point. Steven says that he doesn't try to hook up with anyone because he has Trishelle ("a hot-ass girl") at home. Frank says that sounds sweet, but it's really shallow. Um, Steven said it. Did you expect it to be anything but shallow? In an interview, Steven says that since there aren't many girls hotter than Trishelle (plus she's easy), it takes away his drive to seek out other women. Frank and Brynn basically say that Steven and Trishelle pretend they're not going to have sex every night, and then end up doing it anyway.
In a club, Steven and Trishelle dance. Also, Steven kisses and drinks with a drag queen. After every shot of Steven and Trishelle, we get a shot of the drag queen, like, what was the point of the editing there? To let us know they are in a gay bar? To let us know that Steven is cool with the gays? To let us know that Trishelle kind of looks like a drag queen? I have no clue. In an interview, Frank says he thinks that Steven and Trishelle are evolving into something. Well, a being that is capable of rational thought would certainly be a step up for both of them, so I'm glad to hear that Darwinism is working out. Frank adds that Steven says all the time that he doesn't have feelings for Trishelle, but just wants to sleep with her. More shots of Steven dancing with the drag queen, which I guess is supposed to be a segue to the scene, but is just dumb.
Alton tells Irulan and Steven that he doesn't want gay people to get away from him, but he's not used to them. Alton adds that he couldn't believe John was gay, because he thought John was cool. Steven says that John is cool. Alton thinks it's weird, because John is bigger than he is, and he thinks John might "wrestle [him] in the bathroom." I'm just going to refrain from pointing out how stupid Alton's line of thought is because in a moment it becomes a lot more clear why he thinks that way. Steven says that gay men are not animals and don't attack people. Unless you want them to. Alton says there are crazy people from all areas. Irulan explains that gay men are not attracted to all men. In an interview, Alton says that he does have "a certain fear" because he purposely hasn't been around a lot of gay men. Irulan points out that, as a black man, Alton doesn't want to be judged by his skin color. Alton says that he already is. Irulan says that doesn't make it right. Steven points out that Alton is missing out on a lot of cool people by cutting out the possibility of being friends with a gay person. Steven says with great conviction, "John is my best friend. He is my best friend. And he's gay." Steven is such a drama queen. Alton says that if he had even one gay friend, it might be different, but right now it "trips [him] out" when he finds out that someone is gay. In an interview, Irulan says that Alton doesn't have a lot of experience with the gays. How many times are they going to say that? Alton thinks he doesn't know any gay people. He probably does anyway. We get it. Irulan doesn't think that Alton is prejudiced or hateful.
Irulan tells Brynn she and Steven had "a gay talk with Alton yesterday." Irulan adds that she's kind of glad that Brynn wasn't there. The editors throw in a split-second shot of Irulan saying that Brynn's dad is gay, which seemed kind of odd to just throw out there. I mean, Brynn said as much on the casting special, but it's kind of like, "Why does Brynn care about gay people? Is she gay? Oh, her dad is gay? I guess that makes it okay that she cares about them." Can't she just be against prejudice because it's wrong? Anyway. In an interview, Brynn says that she doesn't handle negative comments about gay people very well.
Alton and Brynn eat lunch together. Brynn brings up Alton's issues with gay people. Alton struggles with the word "homophobic," and admits that he's scared of gay people. He adds that he didn't know any gay people before he came to Vegas, but that he "hated the thought of them." Brynn questions his use of the pronoun "them." Alton explains (and it's clear that he's talking about the way he used to think, not necessarily the way he thinks now) that he "hated the thought of them, them people [sic] that aren't human, that aren't like me." Frankly, I would be flattered to be a gay person and not be like Alton, if being like Alton means using phrases like "them people." In an interview, Brynn totally over-enunciates her words as she says that if Alton had some sort of bad experience when he was younger that caused his homophobia, she would understand, but if it's just that he's not comfortable, she's not having it. And like magic, Alton tells Brynn that when he was six, he was nearly molested by a man. The man grabbed him and ripped his pants off, but Alton screamed and was able to run away before anything really happened. In an interview, Alton says that it's not easy to open up. Okay, so I'll accept that such an incident would mess you up about a lot of things, not just gay people. But how old do you have to be before you consciously realize that not all gay men are pedophiles or molesters? Eighteen? Twenty? I'm just saying that it seems a bit late for Alton to be having this revelation. Then again, he does seem kind of immature in a lot of ways, so who knows?
After the break, Alton tells Brynn that in high school, he couldn't stand in lines because he didn't like having people standing behind him, and he couldn't handle it when other people walked into public bathrooms when he was in there. Dude, therapy. Get some. Because that's messed up. In an interview, Alton says that he couldn't handle being threatened by gay men, and then he says something nonsensical about how gay men are still as strong as other men. I've ceased trying to follow Alton logic because it is not like our Earth logic. Alton tells Brynn that if a black guy attacked her, she would probably get nervous if she saw some black men coming towards her. Brynn reveals that she was actually raped once, by "someone of a different background." There were people on the forums who doubted Brynn's way-too-convenient rape story, but I don't doubt it. It seems like something that happened to her, and she dealt with it, and she's moving on with her life. Brynn says that her experience doesn't make her hate one group of people more or less. In an interview, Alton says that hearing Brynn's experience pulled things out of him that he hasn't expressed in years. Alton tells Brynn something about "negative reinforcement" that I also didn't understand.
At a club, Steven talks to some women that he describes as "sorority girls," because he's starved for conversation (sex) with people other than his roommates (Trishelle). Trishelle gives the girls a look like, "Bitch! Get your hands off my man before I hit you with my shoe!" Steven talks to a group of the girls. Trishelle and Arissa talk and giggle about the sorority girls. Finally, Trishelle walks over, and Steven tells her not to touch him. He tells her to go and have fun. In an interview, Steven says it's disturbing that Trishelle gets upset when he talks to girls. Steven tells Trishelle that she's being stupid because she's drunk. Now I can see why Steven gets so many chicks. He's such a smooth talker. Trishelle denies that she's drunk and says that Steven is, in fact, the one being stupid. These two should go on Crossfire with that witty repartee. Steven finally just says that he's going home, and leaves to say goodbye to the sorority girls. Trishelle tells Arissa that the sorority girls are "skanky bitches." Yes, because they did so much wrong in talking to the guy who is definitely not your boyfriend, who you have no commitment to, and whom you said you would toss aside if someone better came along. I can see why you hate those girls.
Back in the suite, Steven says that he's in hell. No, Steven, I'm in hell, because I have to watch you every week. Frank is all, "Why?" as he investigates the dirty dishes in the sink. While Steven explains that Trishelle is a basket case, Frank reaches into the dirty dishes and pulls out a crust of pizza, and then starts eating it. I seriously rewound that like ten times, because it cracked me up so much. He's just like, "Why, Steven? Hey, is that pizza? Mmm!" In an interview, Frank says that when you're sleeping with a roommate, it has to be a boyfriend-girlfriend situation. Why is Frank, about the only one in the house who hasn't hooked up, suddenly the relationship expert? Steven says that he met a girl he actually wanted to date, but now it won't happen because of Trishelle. Frank asks if Steven is going to break up with Trishelle, and Steven says that he definitely is. Frank is way too excited about that. In conclusion, get a life, Frank. Also, eating pizza from the dirty dishes in the sink is really gross. On the way out of the room, I swear to God that Frank checks the sink for more pizza.
Drunk Steven goes in to talk to Trishelle. Steven says he thought they could both handle the situation, but now he sees that they can't. Trishelle asks if he thinks she can't handle it. Steven says that he thinks they should have just been friends this whole time. Trishelle seems totally fine with that. In an interview, Trishelle says that she doesn't "want to make [herself] look stupid." Why does she even leave the house, then? Trishelle concludes that she'll pull away before she gets hurt. Steven says that he was just talking to the sorority girls and didn't even want to hook up. Trishelle asks why she and Steven can't hook up anymore, then. I've never typed the words "hook up" as much as I have this season. Steven condescends to Trishelle that he thinks she's the sweetest girl in the house and also the cutest. He actually pretends to pinch her nose, like she's a child. Well, if the maturity level fits. Steven says that he only sees bad things happening. Trishelle asks if he's mad at her. Steven says it's "bad timing, bad situation, bad." Trishelle keeps arguing, but Steven slurs that there's no point arguing, because nothing's going to happen between them again, and they probably never should have started it. Which seems kind of harsh all typed out, but Trishelle actually laughs when he says it.
Steven throws on the charm by telling Trishelle that as much as he loves seeing her naked, he can't do it anymore, because she's "like a Lay's potato chip, you can't have just one. Time. With [her]." Is he taking speech lessons from Alton? Steven tells Trishelle that he needs her to be really ugly for the four months. She laughs. Wow, he just basically said that he's not attracted to her in any way but physically, but I think she's too dumb (or drunk) to figure that out. Then he tells her to eat a lot of Oreos. Which is such a sensitive thing to say to the girl everyone suspects of having an eating disorder. Shut up, Steven. In an interview, Trishelle says that every time that Steven tells her they shouldn't hook up anymore, she knows he'll be in her bed that night. In an interview, Steven says that he doesn't think he can date anyone because of where he is in life. Cut to Steven lying in Trishelle's bed, still talking to her. In an interview, Steven says that he's "really, really, really weak." Ah, the excuse we kept hearing from various roommates at the beginning of the season -- what I like to call the "I fell into the pussy" excuse. "I couldn't help it! I just slipped and fell and was knocked unconscious and when I woke up, we were having sex!"
Cut to black-and-white footage of Steven and Trishelle doing it while Frank and Brynn totally listen in. Trishelle whispers to Steven that they never use condoms. Steven knows. Trishelle says that he's the sixth person she's had sex with, and she's his 106th. Do people really have these conversations during sex? Isn't this something you should discuss beforehand? Also, hello, STD? Pregnancy? I can't believe that in this day and age, and especially with Steven's self-admitted slut status, they aren't using condoms. Brynn says that she's going to start passing out condoms in the bedroom. Yes, as opposed to the giant bowl of them provided by the producers that's always in a prominent place in the house. Those are so difficult to obtain. Irulan can't believe that Steven and Trishelle still aren't using condoms. In an interview, Irulan says that Steven and Trishelle baffle her with their lack of condom use. Join the club, sister. Irulan asks if Trishelle at least uses some form of birth control. Brynn shakes her head no. Meanwhile, who in the hell was the random guy rubbing Brynn's neck? No idea.
Brynn and Irulan go to the Steve Madden store. In an interview, Brynn explains that they're promoting Steve Madden at the club, so they're displaying shoes and setting up a boutique in the club. Steven explains the promotion to some customers and then helps some girl put some shoes on. Alton does the same. In an interview, Alton explains that they have a pretty good turnout. Arissulan ooh and aah over one girl's choice of shoes. In an interview, Alton explains that some guy started talking to Steven and poured them both glasses of wine. Alton tells the guy to give him "more, more, more" wine. Aren't they not supposed to drink on the job? In an interview, Alton says that they were laughing and having a good time, and out of nowhere, the guy grabbed Alton's package. Well, Alton keeps saying the guy grabbed his balls and Steven keeps saying the guy grabbed Alton's dick, so I'm just going with the all-purpose "package," mostly because I really, really hate the word "crotch." Alton tells Steven what the guy did, and asks if he should hit the package-grabber. In an interview, Steven says that he advised Alton just to walk away. Steven and Alton walk outside. Alton still wants to hit the guy, but Steven tries to talk him down. The funniest part is that Alton -- the homophobe who wants to beat up the gay dude -- is trying to calm down by chatting with a drag queen.
For someone who is so upset about the package-grab, Alton is doing a lot of yelling about it to other people in the club. In an interview, Steven says he has no idea why the package-grabber thought that would be appropriate. When it's up to Steven to dictate appropriate behavior, you know you're in trouble. Alton tells Steven and the drag queen that he's going to talk to the package-grabber. In an interview, Alton says that he decided to just resolve it by not punching. Alton walks up to the package-grabber (who totally tries to run away from the camera) and says, "You just grabbed my nuts, brother." If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that line...okay, maybe not. Alton finally gets the guy's attention, and we can see that the guy is clearly wasted; he can barely stand up and is slurring like there's no tomorrow. Alton explains why it wasn't cool and the package-grabber apologizes. And then Alton keeps talking and talking, like, let it go, dude. In an interview, Steven says that he was impressed by the way Alton handled the incident.
John (Steve's gay friend) and Alton have a big, gay talk. John asks if Alton ever knew any gay people. Alton says that the only gay guy he knew was someone who cast him in a play, and then died of AIDS. John asks if that didn't make Alton feel empathetic. Alton says that he was more afraid, and then he says something about how his brother died, and I think he's trying to say that he was afraid of getting to know someone who he knew was going to die, but as usual with Alton, it was entirely unclear. John somehow deciphers it. He must have an Alton-to-English dictionary. In an interview, Alton says that he really likes John and talking to John has helped him to open up. Alton says that he was nearly molested, but he knows that has nothing to do with someone being gay, but has to do with someone being sick. John says that he's glad he talked to Alton, because he thought Alton was a homophobe. In an interview, Alton says that coming to Vegas has exposed him to lots of different types of people, and then they show a montage of drag queens, like, are drag queens a subplot or recurring motif this week, for some reason? Alton and John agree that they have "respect, back and forth."
Steven and Trishelle rub up against each other on the dance floor while a lady sings about being "drunk on skin." Trishelle sits on Steven's lap and asks if he would still date her if they weren't roommates. Steven slurs that he would be too intimidated because he doesn't usually date girls as hot as she is. Trishelle slurs that she knows what's going on; Steven wants her not to want him. J-Dawg asks if that's a Cheap Trick song. In an interview, Steven says that he doesn't want to hurt Trishelle, but that he likes having sex with her, so he's kind of turning a blind eye to her feelings about him. Keep in mind that during this part, Steven keeps making it out like Trishelle is the one who is jealous, and the one who wants an exclusive relationship. Trishelle asks how Steven would feel about her dating other people. Steven says that he wouldn't want that, but that it's really up to her. Trishelle uses a lot of words that don't make much sense, but she basically asks Steven if he would be monogamous if she was. Steven says that he doesn't see himself dating anyone else while they're in Vegas. Trishelle says that they have an agreement, then. In an interview, Trishelle says that they made a pact that if either one of them messes around with anyone else, it's over between them. In an interview, Steven says that while it's nice and warm back at the house, it means he can't hook up with anybody else. Wow, it was so mean of Trishelle to hold a gun to his head and make him swear only to be with her. It would be so much fairer if Steven were the first to admit that he wanted an exclusive relationship. Oh wait. That is what happened. Okay, so he probably meant that he wanted Trishelle to be exclusive while he screwed around, but whatever.
In weird surveillance-camera-type footage, Alton tells Trishelle that he had a weird dream that Steven got her pregnant. Alton keeps talking about his dream, even though the foreshadowing has been done. Alton also says the word "pregnant" about twenty more times. Cut to later, in Brynn and Trishelle's room. Trishelle whispers that Alton had a dream that she was pregnant, and also, she's late. In an interview, Brynn says that Trishelle is having unprotected sex with Steven all the time, and that while they are only there for four months, a baby is forever. What is with all the PSAs this week? Trishelle says that she doesn't want to tell Steven, because he would freak out. Brynn makes a face like, "Jesus, that poor baby." In an interview, Trishelle says that she doesn't feel like she's pregnant, but she also still hasn't gotten her period. Yeah, she's so pregnant.
week: Someone is having sex in the confessional. Arissa goes to yell at them and the person slams the door and conks her in the head. That was awesome. Remember the whole Alton/Irulan storyline? What the hell ever happened there? Is that ever going to come up again?