Stop Being Polite: The Real World Chicago Reunion

After a montage of the "highlights" of the season, Brian McFayden welcomes us to the show. The manner in which McFayden holds his microphone annoys me, and this will be a recurring theme involving all of the roommates throughout the show. Couldn't they have just given the castmates lapel mikes? Why do they have to hold microphones? McFayden promises that the roommates will "duke it out one last time," and then introduces them individually. Seriously? They all look exactly the same. Well, Aneesa looks like she's lost some weight (which wasn't necessary, in my opinion), but the rest of them look exactly the same. From left to right, here is how they are situated: CJP sits alone, Kyle and Aneesa share a loveseat, Theo, Keri, and Chris share a couch, and Tonya sits alone.

McFayden asks everyone how they are, like, good opening question, dumb-ass. Does he really expect one of them to go, "I'm doing terrible. My dog just died"? Theo confirms that this is the first time they have been together since taping wrapped in January. McFayden asks Kyle what he's been up to. Kyle says that he's moved to L.A., where he's "kind of pursuing [his] dream" of acting. He says that he always intended to get into acting after college, but then he ended up doing the show. Like doing the show wasn't part of his idiotic grand plan to be both bad and nationwide. McFayden feeds into Kyle's delusions of grandeur by revealing that Kyle was offered a role on Passions. The audience laughs. Kyle says that he turned the role down because he wants to have a long career, and he's done a lot of theater, and Passions isn't Shakespeare. Okay, first of all, classy move to reveal roles that you've turned down. That's kind of verboten in Hollywood. Second of all, he's done "a lot of theater"? I'm so sure. Third of all, if he's so into doing theater and Shakespeare, why move to L.A.? I know there is theater in L.A., but if he were really serious about doing it, he would have gone to New York. Fourth of all, it's called paying your dues. Look into it. And fifth of all, way to dis actors who got their start on soap operas. There isn't enough space to list all of them here, but people were listing them on the forums; the list is long, and includes some Oscar winners. In conclusion, shut up, Kyle.

McFayden asks Keri for an update. Keri says that she's getting ready to move to San Francisco with the love of her life. Theo jokes that it's him, and everyone laughs. Keri says that they've been friends for a few years and recently it turned into something more. The camera cuts to Kyle for a non-reaction shot, since he's staring straight ahead, unblinking as usual. McFayden says he heard that Keri is pre-engaged, like he just heard it on the street. Keri confirms that she is, and McFayden congratulates her. I don't really get the pre-engagement thing -- like, why not just have a long engagement? Maybe her parents are conservative and don't want her living with a dude out of wedlock, but they're okay with it if she's pre-engaged. Regardless, I'm glad Keri is happy.

McFayden asks Chris what he's up to. Chris says that he's been modeling and taking acting classes in New York. Do these people really think that their post-Real World careers are going to involve fame and fortune? I just don't get that. First of all, the audience of the show is largely made up of teens and college-aged people, not casting directors and Hollywood bigwigs. Second of all, the show doesn't exactly have a great track record for promoting the careers of aspiring entertainers. The most successful Real World alumnus in terms of acting is probably Jacinda, with a couple of failed shows and small roles in movies under her belt, and she was a model before she even went on the show, so she could have gotten those even without being on the show. Chris confirms that he is also sober, and has been for sixteen months. Chris jokes that if he could stay sober through his Real World experience, he'll be sober for life. CJP pipes up that she knows she got drunk every Tuesday night, and everyone laughs, like, way to use alcohol to dull the pain.

Now we move on to Theo, who also holds his mike in a distracting manner. He holds the speaking end right up to his mouth and the opposite end sticks up in the air, like, I expect him to start going, "Throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care." Theo says that he and his brothers have started a company called Royal Family Entertainment. Because McFayden sucks as an interviewer, we don't get to find out what this company does, or how Theo got the idea, or what they have done so far.

Instead, we move on to Aneesa. She is working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. That much is true. But even then she knew she'd find a much better place, either with or without you. There are a few obvious cuts, so she must have talked for a while and they edited it out. Aneesa says she's trying to save up money for school, and that she and her mom love each other and have a great relationship.

McFayden asks CJP if she's still singing, like, don't encourage her, dude. CJP says that she also moved to LA, but she hasn't had as much success as Kyle. That is so sad. Kyle tries to denigrate his own success by ripping on Passions and I know I said earlier that no casting directors watch this show, but I hope now that they do and they just blacklisted Kyle for being an asshole who's unwilling to pay his dues as an actor. CJP says that she's in St. Louis this summer for a bit visiting her parents.

, Tonya reveals that she and Justin broke up. Suddenly, CJP's hair is up in a bun as they cut to footage of her nodding in agreement. Tonya says that she's "taken a step back and realized that there's a lot [she] wants to change about [herself]," and she wasn't doing that with Justin. Tonya throws out the platitude that she can't love Justin if she doesn't love herself. Tonya concludes that she has a lot to change about herself.

During a clip package about fights, we see insets featuring the roommates reacting to the clips being shown. Mostly, they laugh and celebrate, but Tonya looks sad when they show Theo yelling at her in the van. The package concludes with Tonya bitching to Chris about Theo, and when we rejoin the roommates, Aneesa finishes the sound bite by yelling out that she's going back to Walla Walla. Tonya laughs and looks embarrassed. McFayden asks Tonya if she thinks she was portrayed accurately. Tonya pauses and says, "Unfortunately, probably." He asks Aneesa and Tonya if they are friends now. Aneesa says that they got close near the end, but when she watches it, she can't believe the things Tonya said behind her back. Aneesa feels that she was always honest about her feelings toward Tonya, but she stops short of saying that Tonya wasn't. But you know that's what she's getting at. Let the Tonya-bashing begin! McFayden asks Theo and Aneesa about their fights in the beginning. Aneesa says that they fought in the beginning, but then they realized how similar they were, so their fights never lasted very long.

Now it's time for an audience member question. A lady named Megan says that Theo seemed to stay cool and stay out of conflicts (he did?), and she wonders if there were times that he struggled with keeping his mouth shut. Is she sure she didn't mean to direct that question at Chris? Because Theo certainly did get involved in some conflicts, most notably with Tonya and Aneesa. Theo says that he doesn't like to get involved in issues unless he is invited to. He brings up "Chris's gay thing," and everyone laughs at his terminology. Theo says that he's not going to pry into people's business, and that he never said that he hated gay people. Which is true -- he just said that "dudes is disgustin'." They show that clip, and Theo concludes that he doesn't agree with homosexuality, but he still has love for Aneesa and Chris. I still don't understand the whole "love the sinner, hate the sin" concept, but if I get started on that, I'll be here for about twenty-five more pages, and no one wants that. Least of all me. Theo says that he stayed out of the Kyle and Keri situation, because it wasn't his business. McFayden promises that after the break, we'll get into the Kyle and Keri situation and other hookups.

McFayden says that he's going to talk about getting naked, an area in which the Chicago cast didn't disappoint. We get a clip package of CJP hooking up with Blur Head Todd, and various other people. In an inset, CJP peeks through her fingers, ashamed. Aneesa hooks up with Feminem, and then kicks her out of the house, then hooks up with Danielle. Theo dances with some ladies, and invites them back to the hot tub. Chris kisses Kurt and then tells Kurt to kiss off. McFayden calls upon CJP, who says it's frustrating in the way that it's all put together. McFayden supplies that she doesn't want to come across as a slut, and she sarcastically thanks him for saying that. He stammers and tries to backpedal, and CJP says it's confusing, because she knows there's nothing wrong with being a young, single woman and being sexual. No, there's not. But there is something wrong with saying that you just want sex when what you really want is attention and affection. Not wrong, actually. Just dishonest. CJP says that there's a stigma, which is also true, then asks if she really said "land the deal," trying her old trick of being self-deprecating to minimize the damage. Tonya says that most of what took place in CJP's bedroom was fairly innocent, and Tonya would know since she shared that room.

McFayden says it seemed like there was a lot of trash talking, and he wonders how it feels to get caught doing it. Um, stupid? What a terrible question. Why not address each of the incidents, or at least bring up the juicy ones? Tonya is all choked up as she says that she spoke to each roommate prior to attending the reunion: watching the clips made her realize that she wasn't a very nice person sometimes, and she doesn't like that side of herself. CJP nods, as usual. It's not like Tonya was the only one talking shit in that montage. McFayden asks what the other roommates thought when they heard what Tonya said behind their backs. CJP says that she was really hurt. CJP adds that she and Tonya shared a room, so Tonya really knew what went on when the lights were out, which made it hurt even more when she said that CJP had "a raging eating disorder and [she] slept with eight, nine, ten guys." CJP says that it was hard to hear, but in all fairness, she called Tonya's tits "huge, saline, and tan." Among other things. Not to be a Tonya defender, but it's really not like she was the only one talking shit. McFayden says that they all got caught saying stuff, and CJP says that Tonya called her to discuss it, and they all got over it. McFayden brings up Chris making amends, which kind of ratted out the rest of the group. Chris says that he wanted to correct what he was doing, and it wasn't about what everyone else was doing. Aneesa says that she's never been mad or upset at Chris, but that she was upset about that because Chris ended up bringing her into it. Tonya and Chris talk over each other. Tonya says she had no idea what the roommates were saying about her. Chris says that if you watch the tape, you'll see that Tonya asked what the roommates were saying, and Chris told her it wasn't about the other roommates. I think Chris genuinely didn't intend to rat out his roommates, but I think that was the end result regardless, and he should take some responsibility for that. Then again, Tonya would have found out when the episodes aired anyway, so I guess the point is moot. CJP points out that, in a normal roommate situation, people talk about each other good and bad, and it's very unnatural that you end up seeing that. True, but they knew that going in, and perhaps could have changed their behavior accordingly. But then I guess they wouldn't be "keeping it real." Teary Tonya says that it's harder hearing it from all six of them at once. CJP says that people did defend her.

McFayden brings up the last episode, when CJP was performing and Tonya and Chris went to work out instead. We see a clip of Chris making the call to let CJP know they wouldn't be there. I still don't see what the big deal is here. Unless CJP said to them, "It's really important for me to have everyone there, not just for me, but because it's our last night together," she really has no room to complain. Of course, she might have said that and it just wasn't shown. McFayden points out that Chris and Tonya hurt CJP, and CJP makes the most annoying gesture where she puts a big "woe is me" look on her Muppet face and shrugs her shoulders up like, "Aren't I cute? Feel sorry for meeeeee!" Chris says that he knew before going to the gym that he wouldn't have time, and he feels bad about hurting her. CJP says again that it wasn't about them seeing her sing, but it was more about spending their last night together. CJP adds that Chris and Tonya excluded themselves a lot, especially when it came to working out. Frankly, I don't blame them. You'd need some excuse to get away from the rest of those loons, if only for a few hours.