Previously on The Real World: Nicole complained about their job. Kevin wondered why Nicole always has to hold a grudge about every little issue. Nicole yelled at Kevin that she would put her fingers wherever she wanted. Ew, not like that. Pervert. Mike wondered why he was changing himself because of his crabby roommates, and decided that it was time for the real Mike to be unleashed. The real Mike apparently likes to belly crawl around on the floor and throw pillows into the air.
Nicole looks at some cards she got from Quarrel's room, and decides that she will read one every day. In an interview, Nicole tells us that they are called "Wisdom Cards," and are full of positive affirmations. I've got some Wisdom for Nicole -- let it go. Just all of it. The makeup, the unreasonable grudges, the attitude -- let it go. This message has been brought to you by the Association of Recapping Wisdom. Nicole reads one card aloud that she finds particularly striking: "If I wait until I'm perfect to love myself, I'll wait my whole life. I'm already perfect right here and right now." Nicole tells Quarrel that the cards contain hard lessons that will be difficult to apply to her life, then reads another aloud: "If I dwell on what I don't want, then I'll get more of it." In an interview, Nicole says that she tends to be a negative person, and she wants to become more positive. On the one hand, whatever floats your boat. On the other hand, it all sounds very Oprah "Remember Your Spirit" to me. ["I was going to say, did Dr. Phil write these cards?" -- Wing Chun]
Nicole walks into work and everyone else is already there. She's wearing some very unflattering plaid pants. I speak from experience when I say that those of us who are endowed with asses that are above average in size should not wear patterns on the bottom half. It's a lesson I've learned the hard way, and it involved floral leggings (hey, it was the early '90s) and an unfortunately timed photograph. I'll never forget it. Anyway, Nicole voice-overs that she wants the Turtleneck Twins to know that she works just as hard as everyone else. Speaking of the Turtleneck Twins, they enter the office, and Nicole tries to look like she's been there just as long as anyone else. Adam is wearing a chocolate (never brown) turtleneck, but Devin bucks the trend with a baby blue V-neck. He's such a rebel. Devin explains that the roommates are going to be split up into two teams, and each team will decorate a window in a [product placement] record store. It will be a contest between the two teams, and Adam is quick to point out that he and his life partner, Devin, won't be the judges. Nicole gets a big grin on her face. In an interview, Nicole is very, very pink as she says that she is really competitive, especially when she feels that she hasn't been appreciated. Devin announces that Team A will build a window for Dido, and consist of Rachel, Nicole, Mike, and Malik. Team B will build a window for Outkast, and consist of Quarrel, Kevin, and Lori. The Turtleneck Twins leave, and the teams huddle up at opposite ends of the office. Nicole tells her team that they need to keep their ideas "top secret" because "this is war." They all put their hands in the middle and do a little cheer, accidentally knocking over a juice bottle in the process. Off-camera, Nicole accepts her fifty bucks for fomenting dissent since nothing else interesting is going on.
Statue of Liberty Shot #7. Mike strikes a muscleman pose and then stomps into the computer room, where Quarrel is on the phone. Mike pretends to punch her a number of times, complete with sound effects, and then pronounces that he is "the Miz." Quarrel pretty much ignores him, and tells him a few times to get the hell out. That would be really annoying. Mike voice-overs that the Miz is a character he created who is like a professional wrestler. Mike pretends to hold a microphone and cuts a promo. Didn't I already finish recapping Tough Enough? Oh, right. That was the interesting show I recapped on MTV. The one that didn't make me want to stab myself in the head. Mike continues with his Miz crap, and Quarrel tells him to get the hell out, but not in a mean way, just in a "I'm trying to use the phone" way. Mike stomps out. In an interview, Quarrel says that she doesn't get annoyed with Mike anymore, because she's stopped taking him seriously. Lori comes in to see what's happening, and Quarrel kind of giggles over the whole thing. Mike throws a little Miz biz at Lori too.
At the office, Devin (gray V-neck -- I think he and Adam must have broken up) introduces the roommates to Gretchen and Leonard, who do music promotion full-time and have come in to help the roommates with their displays. In an interview, Rachel explains that Gretchen's job is making display windows (i.e. she's a merchandiser) and she's going to "guide [them] along and help [them] make decisions." In an interview, Quarrel says that they need help with the "technical things." I've made many a display window in my time. It's not that difficult. Quarrel talks to Leonard, and tells him that their theme is going to be "so fresh and so clean." Kevin explains about Outkast's album and single, and it's all one big Arista commercial, so I'm going to skip it. Leonard likes their idea.
In an interview, Rachel explains that since Dido's album is called No Angel, they want to create a heaven theme and a hell theme, and "merge them together to show 'no angel.'" Wow, that's a great idea. If you're in the third grade and making the bulletin board in the hallway outside the music room. Nicole shows a little sketch of their idea to Gretchen. Mike voice-overs that Nicole is bossy and hard to work with. Nicole asks Gretchen whether they should use foam core or hanging fabric for their background. Mike answers, "Fabric," and Nicole says that she was asking Gretchen and he's not Gretchen. Mike protests, and Nicole says that she wanted Gretchen's professional opinion. I don't see the big deal here. Gretchen does this for a living. Is it so wrong to want to know how she would do it? Use your resources. Gretchen answers that they should use fabric, and Mike rolls his eyes. In a confessional, Rachel says, "Does she have to be the biggest boss in the entire world? Ugh. Shoot me now." Rachel, I know exactly how you feel. The scene ends with a scary shot of Nicole, wearing a black head-wrap and just looking evil.
Jonathan Murray: Sir? I'm back.
Mary-Ellis Bunim: Jesus, it's about time. Get me another martini.
Murray: No, I'm back. Remember? You kicked me out last week? And now I'm back.
Bunim: You've been gone for a week?
Rachel, Mike, and Malik go to a costume shop to pick up some props for their display. They find angel and devil accessories with the help of a scary salesman in a cowboy hat and headset. He's like Garth Brooks Lite. If such a thing could possibly exist. Mike spots a fake wrestling title belt and gets all fired up. Malik rolls his eyes like a tired parent and promises little Mikey that they will buy him a belt if he eats all his vegetables at dinner. Mike holds the belt aloft as if he just won the championship, and huffs and puffs.
Once they get home, Mike runs up to his bedroom and unwraps the belt. He tosses it over the headboard of his bed. I don't even want to think about why he needs a fake wrestling belt and a bandanna near his bed. Not going to think about it. Nope. Mike voice-overs that he's been wrestling his whole life, and watching it on television. We see Mike at the gym, lifting weights, as he voice-overs that he has been adjusting to people his whole life, and it's time for people to start adjusting to him. Then, there's a black-and-white shot of Mike, shirtless. And he really doesn't have a very good body. I'm one to talk, but then again, I don't go on national television half-nude either. Actually, Mike has been fully nude. He's just -- lumpy or something. Yuck.
In an interview, Kevin tells us that they only have a week to build the window display, so it will be tight. A week? And it'll be tight? Whatever. Even an elaborate window display wouldn't take more than a day. Maybe two if you had to shop for supplies and such. Pfft. Malik and Mike load some supplies into a van, and notice that not everything will fit, so they need to make two trips. Malik asks Gretchen to tell the others that they will be back for the rest, and Gretchen agrees. I get the feeling that Gretchen is really embarrassed to be associated with this show. Gretchen actually looks pretty cool.
Nicole and Rachel walk out the door, carrying supplies. Of course, they are all pissed that the boys left without them, never thinking for a moment that there might be a reasonable explanation. Instead, they just jump to the conclusion that the boys purposely dissed them or something. Gretchen tells Nicole that she went upstairs to try to tell them that the boys had left, but she missed them. Yeah, sure she did. Except for the part where the production assistant pulled her aside and slipped her a fifty to "miss" the girls and not deliver the message. Gretchen assures Nicole that the boys are coming back, but Nicole says that's not the point, and that the boys should have told her before they left. Oh, whatever. That's another rule that Nicole must have found in The Big Book of Grudges, under "Van Usage by Team Members, Notification Thereof."
Mike returns, and Nicole yells at him for not informing her of his every move. Mike tries to defend himself, but Nicole talks all over him and won't let him get a word in edgewise. Mike tries to appeal to Nicole to use common sense, and realize that of course they weren't just going to strand the girls. Nicole is totally not listening, and telling him that it's a group, and that they have to know where the others are and blah blah blah. In an interview, Mike asks whether he's ten years old again (and does he really want me to answer that, based on his Miz behavior?) and points out that Nicole argues about the stupidest things. Mike and Nicole finally stop arguing and actually decide to go do some work. In a confessional, Nicole says something to the effect that she doesn't play that stuff. You know, the makeup should have been a dead giveaway that she's Homey the Clown.
As the roommates walk down the street, they continue to argue. Nicole asks what kind of idiot Mike is, when we all know that he's the Greenwich Village Idiot. Mike doesn't back down, and they yell at each other right on the street. The other group (Lori, Quarrel, and Kevin) is standing nearby watching and giggling, but also embarrassed. Nicole starts waving her finger around, and Mike tells her that it's disrespectful. Mike says "fucking" at some point, and Nicole gets all up in arms that Mike was swearing at her. She argues just to argue. Like when she used up all her arguments about the van, she moved on to arguing about the group. When she used up all of those, she moved on to arguing about swearing. She can't even stick to the topic. Kevin asks Quarrel if they can get a picture of the fight to show Devin, and Quarrel cracks up. The argument continues as the camera pans out to show the entire island of Manhattan, as if their arguments were so loud that the whole borough heard them. I think even the cameramen got bored, so they had to fade out. At the end, Mike and Nicole were arguing about whether using hand motions was disrespectful, I think. Back at the office, Mike tells Devin (black V-neck) that he and Nicole had a little argument. Devin says that he heard, and all of 19th Street heard.
Quarrel, Lori, and Kevin work on their display window as an Outkast song plays. In an interview, Quarrel says that she's living each day like it's the first day of school. So she wears a new outfit? Makes sure she has sufficient pencils? I don't understand what that means. The three work together well. In an interview, Kevin says that Quarrel is "limiting her attitude, which is nice." Lori stands on the street and directs Quarrel and Kevin where to place various items. In an interview, Lori says that they are working together and everything is going smoothly. It seems that since the song is called "So Fresh and So Clean," they have set up what looks like a shower stall, and then a television playing the video. Or something. I don't know.
The other team is, not surprisingly, having some problems. Mike and Rachel want a poster of Dido in the display, and Nicole doesn't want it there. Yeah, because you would hate to display, you know, the fucking product you're trying to sell. Nicole and Mike get into an argument over it. Nicole says that Mike's not a team player, and in an interview, Malik says that "couldn't be farther from the truth." Malik pipes in that Mike is a team player, and Nicole turns on him and spouts off a bunch of stuff about how it's none of Malik's business. Mike yells, "He's on the team!" Heh. Nicole ends her statements, "Point blank. Period." I guess that's supposed to mean that the argument is over, but instead it makes it look like she's completely unwilling to listen to anything anyone else has to say. Which is the case, so I guess it's effective in that sense. Malik asks whether he may finish his sentence, but Nicole says she won't listen and keeps talking. Malik just looks pissed. In an interview, Rachel says that Nicole has to have the final say. Rachel's a big talker in the interviews, but I don't see her piping up when it counts.
Gretchen and Rachel -- another BMG employee -- stand outside and check out the window. Malik informs them that Nicole doesn't want the Dido poster in the window, but Rachel and Gretchen both think that it should be in there. And let me tell you -- besides displaying the product, when you have a singer as pretty as Dido is, you don't hide the posters with her face on them. Rachel goes in to break the news to Nicole, who says, "It looks tacky, and I don't care what they say." Yeah, but the fucking baby doll that you've put angel wings and devil horns on, then strung up from the ceiling, is classy as hell. Nicole says that it looks tacky, and she hopes that her team loses. In an interview, Mike wonders how someone could say that they hope to lose. Nicole keeps playing with the monitor inside the display and pouting.
Murray: So, it's okay for me to be here and everything? What did I miss?
Bunim: Oh, is there an episode on tonight? I didn't notice.
Murray: You didn't...sir! Are you playing hard to get? You missed me, didn't you? I know you did.
Bunim: No. Maybe. Okay, a little. Come sit over here by mommy and let me brush your hair.
Murray: [giggles]
Devin (t-shirt!) and Adam (powder blue turtleneck) bring the Arista judges to check out the display windows. First, they look at the Outkast window, made by Kevin, Lori, and Quarrel. They ask questions about the window, which doesn't make any sense to me, because it's not like customers can ask questions if they don't understand the display. Okay, now that I can see the whole window, it's not so bad. They show the discarded, dirty clothes, and then you can see a dude lying in a bathtub, and he's watching the video for the song. It's not groundbreaking or anything, but it's okay. The team agrees that they worked well together, and all chipped in. Do you get it? Unlike the other team? The judges think it will be a tough decision.
Over at the other display, Rachel gets word that the judges are coming, and Rachel and Nicole yell at Mike to hurry up because the judges are on their way. Mike is still putting up flats or something. The judges arrive. One really obnoxious judge puts on a little scenario where he pretends that he's walking down the street and wonders if the display would get his attention. Another judge says again that it's going to be a tough decision. God, I'm glad that I don't work with people in the music business anymore. Not the musicians. They were usually pretty cool. The schmoozy, fake marketing and merchandising people.
The judges have reached a verdict. First, they have to congratulate everyone, and then they pretend like it came down to one guy's vote. Of course, it's obnoxious-scenario guy, who votes for Outkast. Nicole keeps telling Lori and Quarrel that she's "reeeeeeally glad they won." In an interview, Mike wonders how she could say that. In an interview, Malik says, "Nicole gets on my last nerves, like, seriously." Nicole sings a little song to Quarrel about how glad she is that the other team won. In an interview, Mike says that it's not cool for Nicole to say that, because they all worked really hard.
At home, Lori examines Mike's stupid wrestling belt, then steals it from him and runs off. He chases her around and puts "the Miz claw" on her to get it back. In an interview, Quarrel says that Mike is hilarious, and if you can't beat him, you might as well join him. No, thanks. I'd rather beat him. Senseless. Well, that wouldn't take long, anyway. Quarrel announces that she is "Coco Loco." Lori announces that she is the "Teriyaki Terror." The girls pretend to fight Mike. Quarrel hops up on the pool table and her boobs are forming a tag team and fighting for the belt. Jesus. They scared me. The three of them wrestle around the apartment, and it does look like fun. In an interview, Quarrel asks how you could not laugh at the Miz. It's really easy. I managed not to laugh at all.
Nicole sits up on the roof as that subtle "I don't like anyone" song plays again. Lori and Quarrel join her on the roof. Nicole voice-overs that "the negative voices are really loud, so it's hard to hear the positive things." If she's hearing all these voices, I think she might want to seek professional help. Nicole says that she's been on an emotional roller coaster. Nicole's dark lipliner/light lipstick effect is particularly bad here. It looks like she just ate a Fudgsicle. Or worse. In an interview, Nicole says that she's been getting in fights with everyone, and she realizes that it has to stop. Nicole babbles about negative energy and positive energy and baggage, and how she doesn't want to take it back to Atlanta.
Nicole tapes a sign to the fish tank saying that she wants to have a house meeting. In an interview, Malik says that he thought it would be about the house being messy or the volume at nighttime. In an interview, Mike worries that it's going to be about "some petty crap that she needs to argue about." Mike wakes Kevin up from a nap to attend the meeting. In an interview, Kevin says that he told the other guys that maybe Nicole was going to say that she wanted to leave the house early. And thus, a thousand misleading promos were born.
At the meeting, Nicole apologizes to everyone for all of the anger that she has expressed, and says that they were her own issues, and that it's not fair to make the others feel uncomfortable. I think that's what she said. It was hard to tell with the stuttering and the crying. Malik gets up and sits closer to Nicole, who continues to talk about how hard it is for her to open up. Nicole admits that she has her own feelings, and that she may not have accepted the feelings of others. Nicole wants to put the past behind them, and work on being a better roommate. Everyone gets up and hugs her. Everyone smiles. In an interview, Rachel says, "The magnitude of what Nicole is doing is huge. That's going to change the entire house." Nicole thinks that it's powerful to know that she could change things, and it gives her encouragement. Will it make this season more interesting? I'll pay someone cold hard cash if it will make this season more interesting.
week: Nicole's friend Bobby comes to visit. Quarrel gives Mike a hug for no reason. Nicole might throw up. People! I said I would give cold, hard cash, and this is what I get in return?