Previously on The Real World: Annoying hooked up with Colin's friend Tony. Wonder Bread thought she was trying to make Colin jealous. Tetanus Girl was "disgusted" by her behavior. Colin wouldn't talk to Annoying. When Annoying confronted Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread about their reasons for being mad at her, they said that she talks about people behind their backs, and that she needs to step back and look at herself. They also laughed at her and ignored her when she tried to apologize and make amends. In this episode, we only have an hour before they will all leave.
This episode picks up right where the last episode ended, during Annoying's confrontation with her roommates. We hear the Guitar Chords of Hostility as Annoying tries to get to the bottom of things with Tetanus Girl. Annoying asks her questions about why they are all mad and Tetanus Girl grunts and holds her stomach as if she is constipated. The captioning actually calls it "dramatic grunting" which is pretty comical. Tetanus Girl tells Annoying the problem is that she doesn't see herself. Wonder Bread says, "I'm done. I can't take it anymore," and walks away. Colin walks away as well. Tetanus Girl says she would rather see the good in people. Colin walks outside. Annoying cries in her bed. It would be easier to feel sorry for her if she didn't make such strange noises when she cries. This whole scene was weirdly edited. The scenes were just thrown together with no effort made at continuity. At one point Tetanus Girl is standing near the pool table and then suddenly she is by the phone. Colin walks towards his room and then he is walking outside.
Colin is in the van with Ruthie. He says that he told Annoying they can't be friends, but that he accepted her apology. Ruthie feels bad because Annoying "was in a hole, and part of me wants to give her another chance." In a confessional, Ruthie says, "The house has found someone to focus on once again, besides themselves [sic]. It's always easier to bond together and focus on one person." There goes that "house as sentient being" crap. Why wouldn't she just say "my roommates"?
Annoying calls Pam. There was some confusion in the forums about this, so I want to point out that there was always only one Pam. She's the one for whom Ruthie did the lap dance in an earlier episode. At some point they stopped referring to her as "Calvin's girlfriend" and started referring to her as "Amaya's friend," which led some people to believe that she was someone Annoying knew from home. But I think that Pam and Calvin broke up during filming, and that's why they altered the way they described her. Anyway, they are on the phone. Annoying says that her roommates think she talks behind their backs, but that they all do it too. In a confessional, Annoying says that they do it too, in case we didn't catch it the first time. ["Or in case we didn't damn well know it already." -- Wing Chun] To Pam, Annoying admits that she is guilty, but she thinks that her roommates are being hypocritical. Dare I point out that she is talking about them behind their backs right now?
Teck and Wonder Bread are sitting in the breakfast nook. Teck tells us that they are planning a skit called "Women's Intuition" that is a spoof on The View. There might be two men in the world who know less about women than these two, but you'd be hard-pressed to find them. Wonder Bread says that they can either have more guests or more topics. Teck probably realizes that guests might take the focus off him, so he chooses more topics, and offers up, "Whose Breasts Are You Jealous Of [sic]?" as an option. He tells Wonder Bread, "I want to really stress the fact that I'm freezing my eggs." Boy, this sounds like a hilarious parody already. Wonder Bread says, "Eggs on the rocks?" Ho ho, I am busting a gut over here. Not.
The gang goes to a thrift store to find dresses for Teck and Wonder Bread. Teck tries on a purple velvet dress that only accentuates the fact that he is a skeleton wearing a fright wig. Wonder Bread tries on a blue trapeze dress and dances around like the idiot he is, besides which he is wearing those sunglasses inside again. In case we were worried about Teck's masculinity, he tells us in a confessional that "shopping for women's clothes isn't a hobby or specialty of mine...I'm looking for a dress that says 'Teck.'" Teck is trying to zip Wonder Bread up. Wonder Bread is wearing the dress my friend Brenda wore to the prom in 1990. I swear, it is the same dress. Wonder Bread says, in what I guess is supposed to be a feminine voice, "Am I too big for this dress?" His voice actually sounds like a cross between Mrs. Doubtfire and Martin Lawrence as Shenaynay. Teck says that he is, and Wonder Bread says, "Damn, girl!" and I hate him some more. Then, in case we were still worried about Teck's masculinity -- because, you know, he was wearing a dress and all -- he says, "I'm still a man. Yeah."
Annoying is all alone in Local Motion. She says that she feels alone, and it's strange because she doesn't know what to do. I still feel a little sorry for her, but I would feel more sorry for her if she weren't talking about how alone she is all the time. Wonder Bread asks her if she can go shopping with Pam to get some wigs. Tetanus Girl says, "We need you to help us," and Annoying says, "I need you to kiss my ass," and flips her off. Okay, she didn't do that but she should have. Instead, Annoying says that she doesn't know if she will have time, but that she will try, and then she looks at Wonder Bread with puppy-dog eyes to show him that she really will try. Wonder Bread tells her to forget it, and that they will take care of it. Annoying chases after him to say that she will do it but Wonder Bread continues to walk away from her and ignore her. He is an ass.
up is Tetanus Girl, reading her poem "Blue." It is so hilarious that I will reprint it in its entirety:
What is it that attacts me to you?
Oh blue it is finally true.
Not fleeting love which I describe myself to find
In nooks and crannies of life.
A consistent ever growing
Desire
To hold you and be held by you.
I never imagined not to look but to find
The ever expanding lust for your touch.A bright green terry cloth shirt
brightening the room again and again and again
Never ending torrents
When others barely trickle
My feet tingle
A sparkling giggle
Ever widening smiles
Soft flow like tears free to express emotion
Which surrounds others confidently
Oh Blue. It is you.
Where to begin? The fact that she mentioned the Green Shirt? The barely disguised sexual innuendo? The fact that she danced offstage after reading it? I'll just let you all write your own jokes here, because I could go on for a long time. While she is reading, we hear a voice-over from Wonder Bread that says he locked eyes with Tetanus Girl, "and my heart starts racing and I feel touched." Wonder Bread says it's one thing to tell him privately that she loves him, but it's another thing to tell an audience. In a confessional, Colin says, "They're also like the friggin' odd couple. I would never look at Kaia, then look at Matt and go, 'Yeah, they're gonna date.'" Teck says that the thing between Wonder Bread and Tetanus Girl is no surprise to him, and that they should go for it.
Annoying is outside crying some more, but she has to go onstage, so she heads inside. Colin introduces her as "the wonderful and talented, intelligent, Amaya." She sings "In My Life" by the Beatles. I know you probably all think I'm going to make fun of her singing voice, but I actually thought it wasn't half-bad. Honestly, of what we saw, it was probably the best part. I mean, she shouldn't give up her day job or anything, but given that she was sobbing a few minutes earlier, and she sings it a cappella, it's not bad. Well, maybe she should've learned the correct lyrics. The producers take this opportunity to show black-and-white flashbacks of the season. Here is what Annoying sang and what they showed because some of the juxtapositions are funny.
There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
They get into bed together and Tetanus Girl fires up a cigarette. Wonder Bread says, "Kaia says she can have any man. I don't know if that's true, but she has mastered the skill of seduction." As if it would be difficult to seduce Wonder Bread, who hasn't gotten any since, well, probably ever. He continues, "Kaia wants me to have sex with her and that's not on my mind. What is on my mind is telling Kaia as much as she needs to know about Sarah." You know, if sex is not on his mind, why is he getting into bed with her? He could tell her what he needs to and not be in the bed. I think he did a confessional after this incident to do damage control on what Sarah sees. Big fat liar. The whole time these two are talking, they are cuddling and spooning and you can't see their hands, which makes me really nervous. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says, "She tells me over and over again, 'You know me really well and you don't know Sarah very well at all. The choice should be easy.'" Tetanus Girl tells Wonder Bread to do what he wants. Wonder Bread says, "I want to remove my heart and ask it questions." I want to remove his heart, period. In a confessional, Wonder Bread says that Sarah makes him think of lust and passion and long-term relationships. Tetanus Girl makes him think of friendship. Wonder Bread tells Tetanus Girl that he has no commitment to Sarah, and that he has the freedom to do what he wants to do. I totally think that he would have done it, except suddenly Ruthie shows up with a video camera. While they talk to Ruthie, Wonder Bread has something in his hand. At first I thought it was a condom (ew!) but after careful scrutiny, I think it's a piece of paper. He hides it when Ruthie shows up. What was that about? Anyway, Tetanus Girl tells her to get out. Ruthie sings that song about "Put your hands where my eyes can see," and they show her their hands. In a confessional, Ruthie says "Kaia is like a cat. She watches her prey and then she attacks."
The morning, Tetanus Girl and Wonder Bread are asleep in bed together. Wonder Bread is such a bed hog! He is totally lying diagonally across the bed and hogging the covers. Annoying and Colin are both packing. Ruthie and Wonder Bread pack, and Ruthie says she thought Wonder Bread liked her sister. They show a black-and-white clip of the night before where Wonder Bread has his pinky hooked in Tetanus Girl's belt. Yuck. Ruthie tells Wonder Bread that Tetanus Girl just likes him because he is unavailable to her. Wonder Bread agrees that that could be the case. In a confessional, Ruthie repeats that Tetanus Girl just likes Wonder Bread because he's unavailable. We got that the first time, thanks. Ruthie tells Wonder Bread that Tetanus Girl wants what she can't have and totally picks her nose. Pick a winner, Ruthie! In a confessional, Wonder Bread says "Kissing Kaia gives me a felt understanding of just how much I feel for Sarah." Just for old times sake, I'll point out what a stupid saying "felt understanding" is. Wonder Bread says he doesn't want to jeopardize his friendship with Tetanus Girl, and Ruthie tells him to tell her that.