Previously on The Real World, Annoying and Colin bantered in the kitchen, kissed on the dance floor and bickered in the van. Then Wonder Bread said, "Colin rips on Amaya throughout the day, and at night he's a Romeo, sweet and sensitive." So apparently, this week's episode is the Colin and Annoying clip show, with commentary by Wonder Bread the Nosey Parker.
We begin with Wonder Bread and Colin in the confessional and Annoying watching. I kind of thought the point of the confessional was to say things without your roommates around, but apparently it's more for male bonding sessions. WB has on that green shirt, which is a tip-off to me that part of this confessional was used on a show (the one, I think, where Colin and Annoying hooked up for the first time). In fact, I later come to realize that most of this show is made up of outtakes from episodes, so I'm not even going to point them all out.
Anyway, back in the confessional, WB and Colin are goofing around saying "It's the Matt and Colin show" and making dorky faces. Annoying is making totally inappropriate reaction faces, which leads me to believe BMP must have dubbed them in later, because they do not remotely match what the boys are saying. I mean, I know she's melodramatic, but this is more like insane. Then WB starts talking in this Elmer Fudd voice and I puncture my eardrums with a chopstick just so I don't have to listen to it anymore. It is sooo bad. He says, "Amaya and Cowin are sweeping together, wink wink, nudge, nudge, nyuk, nyuk". Like, who but a seventy-five-year-old man still says "Wink wink" to denote a deeper meaning? Colin is quick to jump in with "Sleeping together in the same bed."
Cut to Annoying telling Colin to kiss her stuffed bunny and Colin refusing. There's about three more minutes of this but I really can't go into it because it's so stupid. The point is, I think, that Colin gets annoyed by Annoying and is mean to her, and she puts up with it. Plus, we get a nice long shot of Colin's hairy armpit, which put me off my feed. Back in the confessional, WB asks if Colin is intimidated because Annoying is older than him, and Colin says "definitely not."
Later (earlier, who knows?), Colin is getting ready to go out by using a whole tube of gel to smooth his butt cut back into place. BMP really needs to send out the stylist who did the makeover on him between the casting special and the first episode, because he is definitely reverting to his old ways. Annoying appears around the corner and tries to wrangle an invitation to go out with the boys, but it's not forthcoming. Instead of taking the hint and making plans of her own, Annoying insists on tagging along.
They're at some sort of bar/restaurant place. Colin and WB are sitting in a booth and Annoying is sitting at a table like four feet away by herself. They're practically the only ones in the place. Annoying yells out, "Pretend I'm not even here!" and Colin says, "I have been." D'oh! Burn! Annoying brings up the age difference again in a voice-over, while Colin asks her to come and sit with them. They have some more inane conversation about cheerleaders and hair color, but I'll save you the agony and just tell you why BMP included this dialogue: Colin says he likes brunettes the best. Amaya's blonde. End of story.
Back at the ranch, Annoying calls her dad ("Doodle") who is in the hospital for some testing. As much as she bugs me during this call, I feel a little sad for her. It's scary when a parent is sick. Then she cries. Later, Colin asks about her dad and Annoying says he might have colon cancer, and that she'll leave the show if he's really sick. Colin says he hopes she doesn't have to leave, and in a voice-over Annoying says that Colin is being really sweet about her dad.
Colin and WB play football on the beach with a dog. Insert your own Kaia joke here. I think the whole point of this scene was to show Colin without a shirt on AGAIN! In interviews, Colin says he's glad WB is there to hang out with and talk to about stuff. WB says he isn't about talk -- he's an action kind of guy. Which is such a crock because all he does is talk to his roommates and tell them what they all said about each other and instigate problems.
In a really boring and unnecessary subplot, WB goes to a radio station and gets his own show, which will feature Colin doing surf reports, news and sports news. How unrealistic is it that a guy like WB, with no personality whatsoever and minimal radio experience, could just walk into a radio station and be handed his own show? And that he would then use it to give his friends air time?
Anyway, the guy asks him what his format would be and WB babbles about how he's been listening to the radio while driving around and never really answers the question. Later, he answers the phone at the house and finds out he got the job. Teck asks him the format and WB says it'll be free-form. Should be a ratings buster. Then he says, "I'm all about fascinating the people out here and hopping behind the microphone, getting on radio, is how I'm going to do it." Okay, first of all, I'm all about the phrase "all about" but he uses it in every sentence. Second, you are not fascinating, except in a sick, morbid kind of way. Perhaps you should build yourself a special Hawaiian stepladder out of coconuts, grass skirts and leis and use it to GET OVER YOURSELF!
WB continues to bug me by saying, "You like your time with Amaya in the sack and when you're not in the sack, you're not so happy." Again, who says "in the sack"? I think the last time I heard that was on an episode of Three's Company. Colin says that's not true, and in an interview says that if he were the kind of guy who just slept with girls and didn't care, it would be easy for him to blow Annoying off. WB can't believe that a man could have a relationship with a woman involving sex and actually LIKE the person, because he asks Colin what it is about Annoying's personality that he truly loves and enjoys. Colin says he likes the person he is when he's with her. Hey, Colin? It's not about you. There are any number of answers you could've given to that question that were actually about Amaya.
WB continues his role as busybody when he says, "They both know that whatever they tell me will go directly to the other individual. I'm a peacemaker." Well, not quite "peacemaker." More like "buttinsky." Anyway, WB tells Colin that Annoying said he was the pursuer in the relationship, and Colin denies it. WB says, "So it's all her?" and Colin says "No, it's not ALL her, but I never pursued."
Annoying comes to the bunk that night and Colin says he wants to sleep alone. Not taking the hint, she comes in anyway to talk. Colin asks Annoying about the pursuing issue (without mentioning that it was WB who told him) and Annoying denies ever saying that. Colin says that if he wasn't there, Annoying would be in trouble because she doesn't have any girl friends to talk to or go out with. This is Annoying's cue to say "Fuck you" and go out on the town with Ruthie and Tet Girl or something, but instead she starts -- you guessed it -- crying again. She says that her relationship with Colin isn't just about friendship, that she really likes who he is and being with him. In an interview, Colin says living with someone you're dating is overbearing. Back in the bunk, Colin says he needs space. Instead of saying "Fine" and then going on her merry way to show him how much space she can give him, Annoying kind of cries a few more tears and says it sounds like he's ending it. She leaves and runs into the bathroom, where she might be throwing up, but it's not clear. As was not the case with Ruthie and Justin, we don't have the pleasure of hearing all the retching noises.
The day (?), Annoying has an anxiety attack out on the beach because of Colin and her dad, and calls her mom, saying that she is having trouble with her heart again.
Colin is sitting at the computer and pulls Annoying into his lap. She asks him how many "smoothies" he's had and then goes into his bed. Apparently she is already calling the "just friends" thing off. In an interview (which we find out was filmed after he pulled her into his lap but before he goes to bed), Colin says he wants to hug and kiss and cuddle Annoying, but he knows he's making a bad decision (by sleeping with her tonight). But he's got problems just like anyone. Then he compares Annoying to a speeding train and says he just can't get off the rails. I think Colin should drink more, because he was pretty funny. Anyway, then he heads off to bed with Annoying.
week: The roommates get to pick where to go on their trip, but they only have twenty-four hours and it has to be unanimous. Over the credits, they showed Colin and Annoying in the hot tub pretending to be President Clinton and a reporter asking him about Monica Lewinsky. Yes, it was as dumb as it sounds.