Kids applaud in a studio somewhere in (probably) southern California. Mark from Road Rules Season One and Melissa from The Real World New Orleans welcome us to the show. The viewers all look at Mark and think, "Who?" because -- as opposed to the constant loop on which they run The Real World -- MTV hardly ever replays old seasons of Road Rules. Although they might recognize him from the time he auditioned to be Puck's replacement on The Real World San Francisco. Plus, he's kind of old for this demographic, isn't he? I mean, I'm old for this demographic, and I think he's older than me. But whatever. Clearly, they couldn't get anyone else to host the show.
As Mark introduces the Road Rules team as "the best team," the team members file out, including both Ayanna and Susie. I'm surprised Ayanna came back, but I'm sure that she was promised a chance to set the record straight. We'll see how that goes. Melissa counters Mark's "the best team" statement by reminding us that the Real World team members were actually the winners. The RW team files out, including the ones Melissa refers to as "my dawgs," Julie and Jamie.
Melissa reminds us that this was the first time the RW team won, even though if you're watching this when it originally aired, right after the season finale, you don't need to be reminded. Also, I'm kind of sick of everyone making it out like the Cubs won the World Series or something -- this is barely the third season of the Challenge. Melissa asks the RW team how they did it. Dan says they don't know, and everyone on his team agrees. Melissa tells them that they won because she wasn't there. Kameelah steps up and says they won because "there were no excuses," and that before each mission, they "took it to God." That sounds like my routine for writing recaps. Except that I generally do make excuses and then ask God if I really have to write it. Then God tells me to go look at the lack of food in the fridge and tells me that if I want to eat this week, I had better get a move on. Dan says that he spent a lot of time with a trainer getting ready, and the people on the RR team crack up. Syrus also claims that he worked out in preparation. Dan says that he "worked out with a Marine every day for, like, a month." If you know what he's saying. That was a poor word choice on Dan's part. Everyone laughs. Dan doesn't get it, and says that the Marine would call him at home and make him go to the gym. Why didn't he just go on Boot Camp? Dan keeps talking even though he just repeats what Kameelah just said about "no excuses." Jamie says that they had "a positive attitude," and had fun on all the missions. Jamie and Rebecca positively slap hands.
Melissa reminds Kameelah that she claimed the women on her team were tougher than the women on the opposing team. Is that a question? Kameelah says that the women on her team are really strong. Which is pretty much what Melissa just said.
Mark turns the focus to the Road Rules team, asking them what happened. I don't know what Emily did to her hair, but it's not good. Her head looks like an anchor. She's such a pretty girl. Why does she make herself ugly like that? Anyway, James claims that his team threw the Challenge for bookies, which is actually a pretty funny answer. I mean, how do you answer that question? James claims that Susie is the most athletic person on the team, and was just faking it on the Tough Man challenge, because she had a hangover. Everyone laughs. Susie plays along. Who knew James could be funny intentionally? Mark forges on to the question, asking whether there was ever a time when they just gave up on the mission because it was "BS." Laterrian answers no, and says that he would carry the rest of the team if he had to. James interrupts Laterrian to mumble, "Judge Mills Lane?" Laterrian laughs and says, "First of all, fuck you." But he's kidding around. Sort of. Rebecca laughs and looks shocked, all at the same time. The crowd goes wild. Mark says, "It's getting crispy in here already." James mimes pulling a knife out of his back and handing it back to Laterrian. All right, James. Enough. You were funny for a minute. Let it go. Melissa points out the lack of team unity, and Jamie agrees. Mark asks Emily the question about wanting to quit. Emily deadpans, "Not until about day four."
Mark specifically asks James and Emily about the RW team "bending the rules." Julie looks shocked at the question. Shut up, Julie. Also, put your shoes back on. No one wants to see your bare feet. James says that it's like when you're playing Monopoly and your opponent tries to put two hotels on the same property. It's not against the rules per se, but it's still cheating. Actually, the official rules of Monopoly do state that you can have only one hotel per property, but I see where he's going with this. James thinks it's a matter of "ethics, man! Ethics!" Everyone laughs. Melissa says that Emily "was very honest," and asks whether Emily had "a problem with our little precious Julie here?" Melissa, did you watch the season? Because anyone would have had a problem with Julie, based on the way she acted. Emily says that "it was hard to like Julie because [they] were on opposite teams," and that they are both competitive people. That was a fairly tactful answer. We keep getting reaction shots of Julie looking innocent and incredulous. Melissa asks Julie how she worked it out. Julie replies, "I just, you know, won. I won. The mayor said that I won." Actually, that's not what the mayor said at all. Susie looks indignant. Melissa asks whether Emily and Julie are "on good terms," because we have to get the Bunim-Murray mandated closure to each story line. Julie says yes, and adds that she has more money; Melissa echoes the "more money" thing and it's incredibly uncomfortable because Emily still hasn't said that she likes Julie, and I don't blame her.
Mark breaks in, and asks how losing Ayanna affected the team. Oh, now we've gone from kind of awkward to completely awkward. Nice one, Mark. Laterrian says that he wouldn't have picked anyone but Susie to come on the team as Susie mimes shooting herself in the mouth, for some reason. Laterrian says that "in a physical sense," Ayanna would run eight miles every morning, and would have been a big asset to the team. Emily agrees. Laterrian continues, saying that on a personal level, he would have enjoyed having Ayanna around on the bus, because she challenged his ways of thinking, and when she left, he "became stagnant." Ayanna wipes away a tear. The audience goes, "Awww."
Melissa announces Andrew, an audience member with a question. Andrew asks Julie how her relationship with her dad is now, compared to how it was before she was on The Real World. Julie answers that her relationship with her dad was "so great," until the Fetish Fashion Show aired. Everyone laughs, and Julie says that her dad is actually really supportive. Mark follows up, asking whether their relationship has changed in a positive way. Julie says that she's growing up, and starts crying, while claiming that she doesn't cry all the time. Julie says that everything happens for a reason, and that she's been "so blessed," and has gained respect for her family, and learned that she needs "to be humbled in a lot of ways." I'll say. Everyone applauds. Mark takes us to break, and we see clips of Julie cheating while rappelling as James talks about the RW team's lack of honor.
As we return from commercials, we see a rehash of the whole Christian-Ayanna incident that resulted in Ayanna's getting kicked off the show. The studio audience cheers, which makes it look like they were cheering Ayanna's leaving, and maybe they were. Mark and Melissa welcome us back. Melissa says that we never saw on camera what actually happened between Ayanna and Christian, and asks Ayanna to tell us what happened. Ayanna says that she heard Christian make a comment, and confronted him. She asked him to get out of her face, and he didn't, so she "punched him." She repeats that she hit him a few more times. There is uncomfortable laughter and "ooooh"s. Melissa, no stranger to racial tension, asks Syrus whether he was offended by Christian's joking. I don't know why she didn't ask Laterrian, since he was there, and Syrus wasn't. Syrus babbles something to the effect that he "would have handled it a little differently." Mark asks Christian why he still wanted Ayanna to stay after the incident. Christian replies that he thought Ayanna's leaving was "a bigger loss to the team spirit." Mark asks whether this is the first time the two have seen each other since Ayanna left the show. They both say that it is. Mark asks whether they've had a chance to talk. Ayanna shakes her head no and says, "Not much. A little." Mark asks whether they're on "okay terms." Christian looks to Ayanna to answer that one. Ayanna says that everything happened quickly (although she doesn't say it very quickly -- she stretches it out for about three minutes), so she didn't have time to "marinate and go through sorries." Ayanna adds that she's not sorry to this day, and that they never had time as a group to sit down and work things out. Christian nods in agreement.