Previously: The girls get sent to Jamaica with one mission: FIND MEN, i.e., hot, foreign slabs of love-flesh. Unfortunately, the men in Jamaica are mostly vacationing dorks from the U.S. or native sleazeballs, so Becky sleeps with a Real World director instead. Oh, and she and Kevin get over the whole fight thing.
Norman and some guy, arms wrapped around himself, are walking Gouda at night. The guy starts playfully shoving Norman and resting his head on his shoulder. I'm convinced it's his boyfriend until I realize, it's Eric. Okay, anyone who doesn't think Eric is a closeted queen, please raise your hand. That boy has enough sugar in his loafers to make a bag of caramels. I must confess that my days as an inveterate fag-hag make me more inclined to Eric when I see that he may be an enormous moron; it doesn't seem like he's a homophobe.
Heather's one-on-one. She tells us she talked to Charles, Norman's SO, when he called. Julie made her stay on the phone because she thought Norman might be coming up the street. Heather rolls her eyes and says that when Norman came in, he snatched the phone out of her hands. She pauses. "I'm just worried about Norman getting hurt."
Norman and Julie are having a big heart-to-heart on the sofa. They're talking about a political rally that Norman and Charles are going to, and I think Charles dissed Norman for some other obligations. Norman, in his one-on-one, says he doesn't know whether Charles is only recreationally dating, but Norman's in a more serious mode, and he may have bitten off more than he could handle.
"Under the Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers plays as, in a spectacularly clumsy segue, a montage of clips contrasting the homeless in New York with obscene wealth rolls by.
Julie and Andre are walking the dog in the city. Norman's voice-over tells us about Julie running into a Reaganville, a homeless camp of people who were thrown out of their apartments and mental institutions during Ronald "No Alzheimer's For Me!" Reagan's tenure. And -- coincidentally -- they are actually Under A Bridge! Gedditt? GEDDITT?? Because, if not, Bunim-Murray has an anvil that they keep in store for those of you who don't get it.
Speaking of anvils. The Phil Collins song "Another Day in Paradise" plays as Andre and Julie walk by shopping carts, people huddled in trash, etc., in some sort of building structure. They go over by a railing. Andre starts smoking. Julie can't stop watching the homeless people. You can tell she's appalled and fascinated.
One of the homeless women, Darlene, asks Julie what kind of a dog Gouda is. "A Great Dane," Julie replies. Julie's natural friendliness emerges and she brings Gouda over so Darlene can pet her. Julie asks Darlene questions about how she lives. Darlene tells her about the food trucks that come by, and that she's been on the streets a year, and how her mother lives nearby, but they don't get along too well. Darlene is pretty articulate, and Julie is asking questions galore.
Kevin's one-on-one. He is not, thank God, talking about Julie's virginity, but rather how Julie is totally sincere in her wish to help people. As Kevin talks, we see Julie and Darlene sitting on a stone bench and talking.
Julie and Darlene talk about Darlene's life, and how she wants not to be a drug addict or dating terrible men, and how it's safer for her in the park than uptown, where she might be tempted to do drugs again. She talks about the conditions in the Reaganville and how people steal from her, and there's the constant threat of attacks.
Kevin's voice-over says that Julie is at least making a sincere effort to get to know one of the people and see how the homeless live, while most people try and ignore the problem. The camera cuts to Julie asking Darlene if she could spend the night with her one night.
Kevin, in his one-on-one, says the loft was a-buzz with what Julie planned to do. He says that his own feelings are mixed, since he thinks Julie's motivations and sincerity are completely admirable, but then again, "How much can you learn in one night?"
Scenes of urban chaos flash by, intercut with scenes of Jerry Brown on the news, and at various rallies. Awww, Governor Moonbeam! God Bless Him. I mean, what other political figure would have the balls to date as loopy a celebrity as Linda Rondstadt? Andre, Julie and Norman are at many of these rallies. Andre looks suspiciously like he's trying to pick his nose in one shot. At one point, Michael Moore, the filmmaker, leads the crowd in a "Jer-ry! Jer-ry!" chant.
Becky, in a bizarre wasp-waisted leather jacket and backwards bike cap, tells us that she went to her last registered voting place to vote, and how the last time she voted, it was for Dukakis. She says she voted for Brown since she thought he was the best choice, but was torn and almost voted for Clinton since it seemed like he might hold up better. I will refrain from taking any potshots since that kind of humor is strictly Jay Leno territory and way beneath MBTV in a way that say, booger jokes and fashion critiques aren't.
The gang at the loft is planning to paint a big mural for Brown. How inner-city-youth-center of them! In an interview, Norman tells us that Brown was losing, and he was taking it really personally, and prophesying doom for civilization as we know it.
Brown comes in third in the New York primaries. Kevin is appalled. He tells us he's becoming more and more cynical and less able to differentiate between the candidates.
"Let's Go Crazy" by Prince plays ["Shout-out!" -- Wing Chun] as Julie says that they went ahead with painting Brown's mural despite his loss. They paint his nutsy 1-800 number on the wall. Then we see those crazy kids getting into a paint fight à la The Facts of Life. Julie and Norman attack Becky with their paint-covered hands. Eric and Kevin peep at them from their bedroom.
Julie and Norman put a big homemade "Pro-Choice" banner on the side of a car, as much of the gang piles in to go to a pro-choice rally in DC. This whole episode, flamingly boring as it is, makes me teary-eyed. Those crazy kids, trying to make a difference in the world! Also, it makes me increasingly depressed with the whole Real World phenomenon for various reasons. I mean, who would've thought that Bunim-Murray would've taken the pretty average levels of vapidity and narcissism of the New York cast, multiplied those levels by a factor of 100, subtracted any political awareness or community involvement, and then made that the norm?
"Roam" by the B-52s plays as the car zooms down the highway. Heather tells us how Norman was a speed freak and kept announcing the various levels of speed as "Warps." We then see the car getting pulled over. A shot of A Crying Game-esque drag queen saying, "This is bad," as a caption appears underneath him saying, "Kim, Norm's Partner." What the hell happened to Charles? And partner in what, exactly? Way to provide context, people! ["I think it's his business partner, who's been on the show, like, once before this. But I'm only guessing." -- Wing Chun]
Norman tells the gang that he's causing other people to speed (according to the coppers), and snipes, "I'm such a trend-setter." That's the only mildly amusing point of this episode. I sentence the editors and directors of this episode to 1,000 viewings each of The Scent of Green Papaya and Cher's infomercial. Bad, bad editors and directors!!
Norman gets the ticket. Heather says, "Have a nice day!" and the pro-choice van keeps on rolling. They land in DC. Julie is in awe at the size of the rally. It is, indeed, a huge mass of people. Andre tells us that it was one million, packed from the Capitol building to the Washington Monument. Gloria Steinem (I think) gives a rousing speech, but then the camera cuts to Norman as he says, "It's Charles!" to Julie. Julie says, "What?"
Norman leaps over to Charles, who has some curly-haired blonde woman on his shoulders, chicken-fight style. He kisses Charles rather enthusiastically, so much so that Blondie almost topples over.
Norm tells us that Charles was the last person he'd expected to see, since Charles was impossible to get ahold of before Norm left. We see shots of Norm and Charles being loverlike, which is pretty funny considering that it's a pro-choice rally they're getting jiggy at, and I cannot imagine a place that would make me less romantically inclined other than a Siegfried & Roy performance.
More shots of the rally. Heather's voice-over tells us that she was glad to see so much support and so many people behind it, and that she was glad to hear the reasons behind the pro-choice platform. Julie and Heather are sitting in the back.
Kevin leads a community discussion on pro-choice vs. pro-life. One woman is adamantly pro-life. Heather is doing everything but rolling her eyes. Heather, in her one-on-one, tells us that this woman was a big pro-life nut (my words, not Heather's) and while Heather could respect that, she was getting pretty pissed that this woman refused to see the viewpoint of say, a thirteen-year-old who's really not equipped to have a baby and wants an abortion.
Julie, in her one-on-one, tells us solemnly that no one has the right to judge another, and that while she herself couldn't have an abortion, she's not going to judge anyone's right to have one nor take away their right to obtain one.
Shots of the city at night. That damn Red Hot Chili Peppers song plays again. Julie walks into Darlene's camp under the bridge and gets ready to spend the night. I have to say that this camp is a lot cleaner and safer looking than some I've seen. Darlene takes Julie around the camp and shows her the sights.
Darlene, as she and Julie walk, tells her how she gave her boyfriend twenty dollars in food stamps to get her drugs. Darlene and Julie run into some guy that Darlene says is nasty, since he pays girls with drugs to have sex. I'm assuming this guy is Darlene's boyfriend. The boyfriend shrugs and says, "Sex just happens to come naturally with me with drugs!" The boyfriend then says how his "condo" has heat. Julie and Darlene check out his area of the camp.
The guy and Darlene talk about how they'd do things differently if they could start over. Julie asks Darlene about going to a shelter. Darlene tells Julie that the men go to shelters, since there are men's shelters, but none for women.
"Tears in Heaven" (that auxiliary background noise is Bunim-Murray wielding a sledgehammer over the viewers' heads) plays. Julie tells us that spending the night with Darlene gave her a clearer insight into homelessness, and it just reinforced what everyone should, at some basic level, know -- that anyone could be homeless. Darlene tells Julie about the midnight runs and the trucks that come by and deliver foods and other goods.
Norm and Gouda walk into the loft. Norm tells us he was beaten up for being gay in high school, and it was really damaging, and it happened way before Norm was even aware of his own sexuality. However, Norm realized that he did like men, and this is who he was, and he shouldn't be afraid of it. We see the loft and a bunch of Norm's friends celebrating his birthday. He hugs some blond guy that looks a lot like Jerry Springer. Norm tells us defiantly that he's proud of who he is, and to live and love and make the world "a better place." In other words, "We're Here, We're Queer, We Designed Everything You're Wearing!"
"Now That We Found Love (What Are We Gonna Do With It)" plays. Montage of Norm being the gay Mary Tyler Moore and all but tossing his hat in the air. He's bowling! He's dancing! He's everybody's non-threatening gay pal! I'm sorry -- Norm is definitely one of my favorites on the loft, but this saccharine bunch of scenes designed to make Norm a non-threatening gay role model makes my false eyelashes stick together.
Montage of scenes of Norm and Charles together flash by, as Norm tells us how taken he was with Charles. Heather tells us that Norm was REALLY into Charles. She shakes her head, and says that she just didn't want him to get hurt. By the way, this is the same clip that they showed at the beginning of this episode. Norm on the phone murmurs, "It's all happening so fast!" to Charles.
Norm's one-on-one. He says that the relationship overloaded too quickly, and that he was being too clingy, and Charles Needed Space. Norm tells Julie that he needs to give Charles some space, and that when they're together, it feels like they're at two different speeds. Norm's voice-over tells us that everyone was worried about him getting hurt. Norm feels, however, that as long as you're doing what it is you want to do, that you can't be hurt, and you'll only learn and be the better for learning. As sweet as I think Norm is, I think a few philosophers would contradict his "nobody will get hurt if to thine own self be true" mantra with a few pithy, arcane remarks.
Yet another goddamned Phil Collins song plays as a series of scenes so Hallmark-esque, so unbelievably cheap and tacky roll by, that I expect Jack Handey's trademark "sayings" and voice-over to appear.
Church bells toll as Julie, looking glum, walks along the street. She tells us that she's sad about being away from home for Easter Sunday, but she'd promised to see Darlene sing at her church. Julie hauls her cookies many, many subway stops to All Angels Church, whose choir is truly kick-ass. Julie seconds that in her one-on-one, but then says that Darlene never showed up.
Julie goes down to the rotunda to look for Darlene. That fucking Phil Collins song plays. My ears start to bleed. Julie tells us that she asked everyone where Darlene was, and that Darlene had spent the night and then taken off. Becky tells us that somebody in the rotunda had said that someone told Darlene where she could get some crack and Darlene disappeared.
"Tears in Heaven" plays AGAIN. Julie's one-on-one says that she doesn't know where Darlene is, but she hopes things are easier, if Darlene is starting over. We get flashback shots of Darlene and Julie. Julie tells us that she may never see Darlene again, and that she is hurt, but that's also just part of being someone's friend.
episode: The lofties find a hideous, misbegotten spawn of a dog that everyone seems to think is adorable. Julie's parents pull a mega-guilt trip on her and Her Mother Pays a Visit.