Previously, on the Real World: The roommates put together their first cable-access show with the lame-ass title of "The Real Seven at Seven." Julie thought the first show sucked, even though everyone else was pretty happy with it. David decided to remake "Luck, Be A Lady" from Guys and Dolls instead of introducing himself like everyone else, and Kelley, in her role as producer, was having none of it. David said he always gets his way.
David and some girl are sitting on the front porch of Belfort. David voice-overs that he "hangs out" with a lot of girls, but one stands out and her name is Siena. Should we be concerned that he "hangs out" with girls? I mean, I don't know what the age of consent is in Louisiana, but I'm guessing that if they are girls and not women, he might want to check that. While David gives us the low-down, Siena is talking on a cell phone, and she leans forward so that the camera gets a massive cleavage shot. That's about all we'll get of Siena's "personality" in this episode. Or should I say, "personalities." David says that Siena has "connections" and she "knows people." What is she, in the Mafia? Is this some sort of Sopranos crossover? David says he told her he needs to sing, and Siena asked if he can sing the national anthem because she "knows somebody," and then she just called the person in charge of the local hockey team and got him an interview. So, she has a phone book? Wow, she is connected. We're all connected. Seriously, if you called any local sports team, especially a minor league one, and offered free national publicity with television cameras and everything, like they would turn you down. And, lest we forget, this is the same hockey team that supplied the tiger mascot for the Road Rules Make-A-Wish mission. But I'm sure David won the audition on his own merits, and B/M had nothing to do with it. In a confessional, David says that he wants to make sure that when he leaves there that he doesn't regret a single day, and that he has to make every effort he can, and that he has to do it with music because that is what the gift is. Now, I will not deny that David is a decent piano player, and his singing voice is not terrible even if his material is. But do you know anyone who has a talent, and refers to it is "their gift"? Unless it's like "the gift of gab" or something. That just seems a little pretentious to me. David and Siena meet with Amy, who is the head something of the New Orleans Arena, and apparently Canadian as well. This is revealed when she tells David that he won't be miked "to try ooot," so he should just stand there and "belt it ooot." I guess they had to import someone from Canada because they know all about hockey, eh? David wants to let the enormity of the arena sink in, as Amy asks if he has ever sung in front of a live audience. David says only at high school basketball games, which amounted to fifty people. What punk-ass high school did he attend? Only fifty people at a basketball game? David clears his throat and starts singing, and I prepare to giggle, but they cut away after "Oh, say can you see..." and make us wait. In an interview, David says he would love to sing in front of ten thousand people, and he would never forget that. Okay, because I'm a research nerd, I checked the stats, and the New Orleans Brass usually got just over six thousand fans per game last season, and while that's still a lot of people, it's hardly ten thousand.
David (yes, this episode is all about him) walks into the NOA-TV studios to meet with Elton. In a confessional, David says that producing a show is very hard, and that he's been up since six this morning. Gasp! Six in the morning? Why, he deserves a medal of some sort. David tells Elton that he's been working. In a confessional, David says that they have a show on Saturday, and he knows that nobody is going to work as hard as he is. Nor should they, in my opinion, since he's the producer, so he should be the one working the hardest and the longest. Plus, he has some catching up to do in the "time spent working" category. Elton wants to make sure that the others are involved. David gives him some sort of vague answer as only David can. Elton reiterates that the "rest of the team" should be "out there rolling because time is equipment." Time is equipment? What does that even mean? He could have said "Time is money" or even "Time with the equipment is money," but "Time is equipment"? I think Elton's losing it. I would too, if I were forced to meet with David one-on-one. Elton points out that David can't do it all himself, because it's "physically impossible." Then there's like thirty seconds of footage of the two of them shaking hands and standing up to leave the room, so I guess they were short on footage this week.
Danny and Kelley are sitting in the hallway talking. Danny says that David is in control but he's not telling them anything, and he feels like David is going to make the entire show because he won't tell them what the segments are about. In one shot of Danny, you can see what appears to be a bottle of liquor sitting in the chair with him. Well, David drives me to drink too. Danny continues bitching, saying that when he asks David about the show, David says they'll discuss it later. Kelley blurts out, "Guideline sheet," but Danny ignores her and continues rambling on about how just because David is the producer, that doesn't mean they will all agree with his topics. Then I guess the liquor kicks in, because Danny mellows out and says that he'll just "push the buttons" and do what David says. Kelley finally gets a chance to talk, but she makes no sense, because she just keep repeating, "It's his show" and "He's the producer." Finally, she manages to explain that they are like David's employees this week.
The roommates all gather in the living room for a meeting about the show. In an interview, Julie says that David is "maybe not working with the rest of us as much as he could" and that "'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' is the attitude he's adopting." At the meeting, David says that a lot of stuff is done, and that he has a blueprint, but it's not typed up, and that the topic is going to be "Why relationships don't last as long." As long as what? And why, when David said that, did they cut to a shot of Jamie? It wasn't like he gave a good reaction or something. David continues by saying that the other topic is going to be "interracial dating" and I don't really understand what those two topics have in common at all. Is he saying that relationships don't last as long as they did before interracial dating? David concludes, "What is the consensus about interracial?" I thought he was asking the group at large, but it turns out that he was just restating the show topic.
NOA-TV. In an interview, David says that "being a producer is a lot of work, but it's a rush." We see David running all over the place in the studio as they prepare for their show. David's interview continues, "This show is setting the standards," and he indicates where the standards are -- at his chin. You'd think he'd set them at least at the top of his head. David feels he "pushed the envelope" by having the band. Then he says he believes "with all his heart" that the roommates want to see him fail. At least that's what I think he said; the captioning said that the roommates want to see him "fill in." I'm going with "fail," because it continues the "David is paranoid" theme. Then again, I want to see him fail myself. David feels it's time for him to establish himself, and his show is going to be "the bomb." We start a countdown to the opening, and then go to commercial.
Back from commercial, we get the countdown again, and the credits (with no book in sight, it should be noted). In an interview, Matt tells us this is the second show, so everyone is a little more at ease. David is interviewing an "expert" about interracial marriage. What happened to the couple he said he had booked? He asks about the children of interracial marriages. The expert says that they "undergo large amounts of stress," and Melissa blurts out, "Yes!" But then everyone kind of laughs, so it's okay. Then there is another countdown, and David introduces "Mental Metropolis," the band. Some guy starts rapping with a towel on his head, covering his face. I guess he was embarrassed to be seen on their show. Can you blame him? David starts dancing. Oh no! Matt is having a seizure! And David is just smiling at him! Oh, I think that was Matt break-dancing. Yikes. He looked like an epileptic stork. In an interview, David says that his show was...wait for it...tight. In fact, David feels it was "the tightest show [they've] ever had. Woo woo." He just wants me to make fun of him, doesn't he? The show ends by ripping off Saturday Night Live, where the hosts and the musical guests wave goodbye to the audience. Danny counts down and the show ends.
In the conference room, Elton tells them that he's really proud of them, but the producers must have paid him to say it because he has absolutely no conviction in his voice. David enters the room and hugs Elton, who looks really uncomfortable. Kelley voice-overs that "Dave got the job done." In an interview, Matt says that the second show was an "absolute success" and "a flawless victory." Well, now they're just getting cocky. Melissa gives David a hug as she voice-overs that David is "determined and motivated and talented, and that there is so much more to him than playing women and working out." Danny comes along to ruin the party, when he says in an interview that it's "too bad that somebody with talent and all that has to be such an asshole." Ha! In an interview, Jamie has a totally different hairstyle, so this must be later in the season. He speaks directly to David, saying that he has to change his worldview, and the only way he can excel is with the help of others, and they are there for him and they can be there for him. Throughout Jamie's little speech, we see shots of the others celebrating in Belfort, but David walks away to be by himself.
The morning (or is it?), David runs out of the house holding up his pants, which are black. He voice-overs that today is the day he will be singing the national anthem, and that it will be a big thing, and that his mom is there, and he can't explain how excited he is about that. Then David is picking up his mom at the Hampton Inn, wearing a totally different outfit, including tan pants. Did he change in the car? Or was that first scene completely unrelated? Who can keep track? David hugs his mom and says in an interview that when he was a kid, his mom spent "long periods of time in the hospital," and he feels like he has to make a big impact in the world to make sure his mom has no worries. I fail to see how David's big impact will help his mother's health, but whatever. They go to Café Rani. David voice-overs that he's glad his mother is there to witness this, and they both understand this is huge. Let's get something straight. He is singing one song. At a minor-league hockey game. It's not like he landed a record deal, or the opening slot on the 'N Sync tour or something. David tells his mom that for two minutes, he will be the person everyone is listening to, and it boggles his mind. His mom says that he seems scared, and tells him it's cool to be nervous. I already like David's mom. David says that ultimately, this could make or break him. Oh, for God's sack. What, does he think Clive Davis is going to be in town, catching a New Orleans Brass game while on break from Mardi Gras, and is going to offer him a record deal? His mom says that he's putting all that pressure on himself, and that he should just do his best. Spoken like a true mom. In an interview, David says that he wants to show her she's done a hell of a job, and a single, perfect tear streaks down his face.
David, his mother, and Siena enter the arena. David says he has two hours to get ready, and puts on a tuxedo. Danny and Matt buy seven tickets, which confuses me because David isn't with them, so shouldn't there only be six? David and Amy (the Canadian from earlier) walk out to the arena floor. In an interview, David says he is frightened, and that he has more than butterflies in his stomach -- he has piranhas. Okay, I can actually empathize with David at this point, having done my fair share of singing in public. I like him a lot better now than I did with all the mom stuff. Although they pan down to his feet and he does walk like a duck. The roommates are shown entering the arena, with the mysterious seventh ticket belonging to some unexplained woman in a green shirt. David walks out and waits with Siena. In an interview, David says that doing this well is a knock against the people who said he would never do it, never make it, and never do anything serious, because this is all about redemption. Whenever he sings, it's all about redemption. Maybe instead of "The Star Spangled Banner," he should sing "Redemption Song." Although Bob Marley would probably spin three times in his grave at that, and I figure Francis Scott Key is used to people butchering his song by now. David kneels in prayer. The roommates make their way to their seats. Melissa and David's mom wave to David. The lights dim. In an interview, David says this is almost like a defining moment, and how knows what will happen if he sings this well. I'm guessing that all of the hockey players will put their sticks together, forming a giant hockey-stick stepladder for David to climb up and get over himself. As David walks out, you can see that there are a ton of empty seats in the arena. Wouldn't it be funny if David slipped and fell on the ice? He doesn't. Melissa yells out, "There he is!" Matt covers his mouth with his hands. It's not the opening game of the World Series or the Super Bowl, people! The announcer asks everyone to stand, and David starts to sing.
I always get nervous when the singer starts out. As you probably know, "The Star Spangled Banner" is not an easy song to sing because it spans a pretty large range of notes. I've seen way too many amateur singers commit the cardinal sin of starting too high, and by the time they get to "and the rockets red glare," they can't hit the notes, or all the glass in the place shatters and everyone's ears start bleeding. Luckily, David starts in a decent range for him. And you know what? He's not bad. A few too many vocal flourishes for my taste, but he manages to pick a key and stick to it. Beyond the sound though, he employs his usual constipated facial contortions, and this time he adds some gestures. I haven't seen movement like that since I saw Joe Cocker open for Steve Winwood back in '93. I know David has seen what that looks like -- it's on tape. And yet he still does it? The roommates all smile. Jamie voice-overs that when David hits certain parts of the song, he gets chills. By now, David is to the big ending, "Oh, say does that star spangled..." and they cut to a shot of Matt going, "Bring it down. Bring it down." Matt is so strange. Like David can hear him, and even if he could, what does that even mean? I liked Matt better when he lurked in the background and emerged once per episode to pass judgment. Jamie voice-overs that he looked over at Melissa and she had tears in her eyes. We see Jamie looking at Melissa. Mysterious green shirt woman is sitting between Jamie and Julie. David brings it on home. Matt screams like the U.S. Hockey Team just won the gold in the 1980 Olympics. David's mom smiles serenely, and she looks so proud and happy. In an interview, Jamie says that he's amazing. Melissa voice-overs that they are all very proud of him. Matt is just beside himself, and he screams out, "David! Whooooooo!" I guess it's nice that he's so supportive. David hugs Siena, then climbs into the stands and hugs his mom. In an interview, David says, "Here I am, Ma. Thank you." Okay, I'm not made of stone. That was kind of touching. Remind me to call my mom tomorrow.
week, Melissa says that the environment she was in was very traumatic. Without context, we can only guess to what she is referring. Kelley says that for the first time in her life, Melissa is dealing with issues from her past. They must be from the recent past, because then we see a few shots of Melissa looking upset in the confessional, except she has long hair, so they are clearly from earlier this season. Melissa asks someone if something would be missing if she went home. In an interview, Julie says that Melissa has a dramatic personality. Out on the street, Melissa is screaming at Julie that she's tired of talking about religion, and racism, and everyone in the house and how the fuck they feel about things. Oh, Melissa. I feel your pain.