Is it just me, or does it seem like the seasons on this show, while coming fast and furious, are less memorable? Like I just opened up this file to start recapping and it made me think about the season and...nothing. The only thing I really remember is crazy Frankie and Brad and Randy dressing up like Super Mario Brothers. And until this very moment, I forgot Jacquese existed. And I also just wrote this whole paragraph and then realized that the Philadelphia season was the most recent one, not San Diego. See what I mean? It just ended a few months ago! I know, I know. Shut up, old lady, and get to the recapping.
We open on the exterior of a small house in Billerica, Massachusetts at night. Inside, Danny, age twenty-one, is saying goodbye to his extended family. He voice-overs that one of his sisters is in medical school, and his other sister is an RN, and he's "banging nails." We see a clip for Danny's audition tape, in which he walk on a roof and explains that he builds houses with his dad. He voice-overs that it's going to be a great experience to get out of town, but that he will miss his family. His dad drives him to the airport. Danny voice-overs that his parents are divorced, and that he doesn't really get along with his mother. He thinks it'll be tough to say goodbye to his dad, because they spend every day together, but that he knows that his father wants the best for him. They hug goodbye, and Danny boards the plane. He interviews that he wants something new and different, and that he hopes to find it in Texas. He adds that he won't miss the snow.
Austin. Danny arrives at the airport and finds an old Santa Claus-looking dude outside holding a piece of notebook paper that reads "Danny." They couldn't spring for an actual sign, or at least one printed out from a computer? Lame. Danny interviews that he didn't know what to expect from Texas, and thought he might see guys on horseback wearing cowboy hats. Yes, just like how, in Massachusetts, everyone wears tricorne hats and knee breeches and dumps tea in the harbor. Actually, that would be pretty awesome. Danny befriends the cabbie, who was clearly paid to get Danny talking. Danny interviews that he thinks it's a great thing that he's there. Did I mention that Danny is super-cute? He's cute.
Rachel, age twenty-one, is from Valencia, California. She interviews that she's a nurse in the Army, and that she was sent to Iraq on the day after the President announced that we would be sending troops in. She adds that she was scared, and knew it would be hard work.
Nehemiah, age nineteen, is from California. The whole state, apparently. He lives everywhere. He has a degree in filmmaking, and wants to make movies. ["He hasa degree and he's nineteen? Are we sure he doesn't have a certificate from a diploma mill online?" -- Wing Chun] He interviews that he knew he had to get out of California, and away from people who were bad influences on him. ["Yes, when you want to make movies, California is absolutely the worst place to be." -- Wing Chun] Nehemiah walks around a giant monument and finds Rachel sitting there, waiting. They greet each other with a hug. Rachel interviews that Nehemiah "looked like the picture of Black power," but that he smiled, so she felt welcome. She's referring to Nehemiah's Africa necklace, I guess. Rachel asks if he has a girlfriend. Nehemiah (who really needs a nickname, because that's getting tiresome to type out) says that they're taking a break, and Rachel says that she and her boyfriend are, too. She adds that their rule is that they can't have sex, fall in love, or speak baby talk. I was on board until that last part. They can't speak baby talk? That should be, like, a rule in life. Nehemiah doesn't think Rachel can hold up her end of the bargain, and they bet fifty bucks on it. A trolley pulls up, and they get on. Nehemiah interviews that he thinks this is going to be the best five months of his life.
Johanna, age twenty-one, was born and raised in Lima, Peru. She and her mother moved to Riverside, California when she was ten. Riverside! Hometown of Julie Cooper-Nichol! Johanna is a case manager at a home for teens, and she was accepted into Columbia University for an MSW, but she deferred it to be on the show. Johanna interviews that she wants to have fun while she's young.
Wes, age twenty, is from a suburb of Kansas City. He thinks it was a good place to grow up, but not a good place to learn about yourself and the world. We see footage from Wes's audition tape, in which he has a Mohawk and plays football. Wes interviews that he went to "the #1 party school in America, Arizona State." Anyone who brags that his or her school is known for partying needs to get a grip. You don't have to go to college to party. Save the tuition money and just move to Arizona and get a job.
Johanna and Wes meet each other and immediately hug and then shake hands, which cracks me up, for some reason. Wes interviews that Johanna is "one of the most beautiful, interesting, and mysterious girls [he's] ever seen." Because she has brown skin! She's exotic! Shut up, Wes. They get on a boat. It always cracks me up how the producers use as many modes of transportation as possible in the first episode. season, they'll be someone in a rickshaw, someone riding on an elephant's back, and someone being transported on a litter like Cleopatra. Obviously, that last roommate will turn out to be the bitch. Or the gay man. Johanna reports that she goes by "Jo," and that she's "single and ready to mingle." Wes says that he's the same.
Danny's cabbie reports that they have to pick up another passenger. Danny climbs to the top of a hill in a park, and voice-overs that he thinks the other roommate is going to be a girl. And sure enough, Melinda, age twenty-one, from Milwaukee is waiting at the top. On Melinda's audition tape, she says that she's just getting into the crazy life, as we see her strip off her top on a beach and run towards the water. Melinda interviews that she has had a boyfriend named Jason for three years, and that he gave her a promise ring. She says, "I think my relationship can survive if we both have enough love for each other. It's not going to be easy, because I am a nymph." She's a minor divinity of nature? Well, she certainly thinks a lot of herself. Oh, I think she meant nymphomaniac. I kind of hate her already.
Danny approaches the top of the hill and voice-overs that he's attracted to an All-American type who knows how to have fun and not take herself too seriously. Danny says hello to Melinda and they shake hands and chuckle nervously. Danny admires the view from the top of the hill, and voice-overs that Melinda is one of the most gorgeous women he's ever seen. Eh. She's not all that. As they walk down the hill to the cab, they discover that they're both the babies in their families. Melinda thinks that means they'll get along fine. The cabbie earns his keep by telling them that Mt. Bonnell, where they just met, is a romantic spot. Melinda says that they should have made out, and then pretends that she's just kidding.
The best part about Wes and Johanna sitting on the boat is that it was still docked. They were just hanging out on the boat! Another roommate arrives, and they both get up to greet Lacey, age twenty-three; she's from Wellington, Ohio, but she lives in Tallahassee, Florida. Johanna asks if she already graduated from college, and Lacey says that she's a hairdresser. Apparently, they aren't allowed to go to college. Johanna tries to cover her semi-gaffe with a laugh, and Wes says that he needs Lacey's help. He sure does. Lacey interviews that she works at the Green Peridot Salon, which is the hot place to go in Tallahassee. Right after Joe Bob's Ice Cream Parlor, now featuring Alligator Burgers. Lacey finds out that Wes and Johanna are single, and reveals that she has a boyfriend named Ryan. She interviews that he's "absolutely wonderful." The roommates get off the boat and start walking.
But Rachel and Nehemiah reach the house first. It's a giant warehouse. They rush inside and the first thing you see is a giant neon sign, which seems like it would get annoying. They have an indoor swimming pool, and they each get a cowboy hat and boots. Rachel and Nehemiah hoot and holler and run around the house as you'd expect.
Johanna, Wes, and Lacey approach the house on foot. Wes notes how big the place is, and Lacey says that it's good, because she has a lot of stuff. Rachel runs out and greets the new roommates, and Nehemiah follows close behind. Lacey says that she likes the size of the house, because she won't feel like she's sitting right on top of her roommates all of the time. We'll see how that goes. Nehemiah shows off the hot tub, and Wes interviews that he thinks it's in "a great, private, romantic setting." Also known as a room. I mean, it's a pretty empty room. But all that's in it is the hot tub, so I guess it is private. Lacey find a massage chair and a giant beanbag. Johanna does a headcount and says that there are two more roommates still to come. Johanna interviews that she hopes one of the remaining roommates is a guy, and her type: tall, dark hair, and brown skin.
Melinda and Danny run up to the house. Melinda actually hugs the brick wall, and then interviews that she can't wait to get inside, meet her roommates, and find her room. Danny and Melinda hug everyone hello. Johanna interviews that she noticed Danny's accent -- she really likes accents -- and she thinks he looks like an Abercrombie model.
Rachel and Melinda immediately claim a giant pink room as their own. Rachel interviews that she knew, from the moment she met Melinda, that if Melinda is as open-minded as she is, they would end up making out at some point. Okay, I know I'm old and a prude and all that, but do you ever think that of someone you've just met? Man or woman, regardless of your orientation? Do you think, "Oh, we're going to make out," within minutes of meeting someone? Back in my single days, I might have thought, "I would like to make out with that person" or even just "Wow, that person is hot," but I would never have thought it was inevitable that we make out. Then again, I didn't have cameras to whore it up for. Thank God.
Lacey and Johanna choose a bedroom that is more serene. Lacey interviews that she thinks she'll enjoy rooming with Johanna, because she's laid-back. Downstairs, Rachel asks if everyone is cool with Melinda and her taking the red room. No one seems to mind, and Nehemiah says that room assignments don't really matter because he'll just sleep wherever, intimating that he might end up in one of the ladies' beds one night.
Night falls, so it's time to break out the alcohol and bikinis. Danny tells Wes that the women are headed for the hot tub, and Wes pretends he's too tired to join them. All seven roommates end up in the hot tub, doing shots. Melinda makes a toast: "Here's to making new friends, acting stupid, and having a huge seven-person orgy." God, shut up, Melinda. Rachel interviews that they are all on a high from meeting each other and realizing they get along so well. Everyone does at first! Haven't these people ever watched the show before? They clearly have, because they knew to head right for the hot tub.
They start asking each other sex questions, and Rachel asks Lacey the craziest place she's ever had sex. Lacey kind of yells, "Um, that's easy, because it's NOOOOOWHEEEEEERRRREEE!" Dude, calm down. Everyone kind of shuts up, and I'm surprised that they didn't insert a "needle scratching on a record" sound effect. Everyone is shocked that Lacey is a virgin. Lacey interviews that most of her friends are not virgins, so it doesn't bother her to hang out with people who've had sex. Melinda asks Lacey if she's ever made out with a girl, and claims that you can be totally straight and still make out with girls. My husband asks me if you can really be totally straight and make out with a girl. I decide that if you make out with a girl for sexual pleasure, then you're not totally straight. But if you make out with a girl to get the attention of guys, then you could be totally straight. I think you can guess which category Melinda falls into. Wes interviews that Melinda says a ton of crazy stuff, and he wonders if she's a tease, or for real. Wes calls Melinda and Rachel out, and tells them to stop talking about kissing and just do it. Melinda and Rachel are up for it, and they start making out. The guys all pop boners. Johanna interviews that Melinda is so wild, and that Johanna loves being wild, but Melinda makes her look like a prude. Don't try to compete, Johanna. You're better than that. I think.
Melinda goes for a swim in the indoor pool. Danny comes over to the side of the pool, and Melinda swims over and says that she feels a connection with him, and not just because he was the first person she met. She thinks they have a lot in common. He agrees, and she thinks that it's hot. Melinda interviews that she's drawn to Danny because of their similar personalities. Melinda giggles that she couldn't believe her roommate was so hot. Danny brings up Melinda's boyfriend, and says that he doesn't want to step on anyone's toes. But he starts driving a wedge by saying that he wonders if her boyfriend really loves her. Rachel interrupts the lovefest by asking if they're going out or not. Wes yells that they're going out, and adds, "We own this town! We own it!" And they wonder why the locals hate them.
Melinda and Rachel start showering with their bathing suits on, and invite Wes and Danny to join them. Wes interviews that the showers were just made for groups. Lacey, Johanna, and Nehemiah join the party. Nehemaiah says that this is his dream come true. Out of the shower, Melinda tries to snap Danny with her towel. She voice-overs that she feels happy when she's around Danny. He chases her into her bedroom, and she bends over and pulls down her bikini bottoms while bending over and looking through her legs. So she just totally showed him her asshole. CLASSY! At least she just showered, so there probably aren't any dingleberries. (Oh, she's the one who just flashed her bunghole, and I'm gross?)
Everyone gets ready to go out. Wes informs Danny, "I will pull more ass than you." Well, that's a nice way to put it. They bet on it. Wes interviews that he and Danny are in a race to see who can hook up in the house first. He adds that they both want to hook up with either Johanna or Melinda. Wes vows that if neither of them has hooked up with a roommate in a month, they'll go out and find a hot University of Texas girl and hook up. Seriously, does Wes get a lot of play? Because he's not cute. At all. Danny interviews that Wes is a typical frat guy and he loves it.
Melinda puts on killer high heels to go with her teeny denim skirt and wisp of a shirt. Johanna sits in a chair with Lacey and whispers in a drunken way that she's really attracted to Danny. It's a drunk whisper, which is to say, not a whisper at all. Johanna thinks that Melinda might get in her way. Johanna interviews that she thinks she has a chance with Danny, but not right now, because he's "too wanted." Danny comes over and tries to sit in a chair, which is basically a half-sphere suspended from the ceiling by a chain. He nearly falls out, which would have been hilarious. Johanna tells Lacey that knowing Melinda wants Danny too makes her want him more. Lacey is kind of disgusted by the whole thing. Johanna tries to walk away, but Danny reaches out and grabs her, pulling her into his lap. Lacey smiles in the background. Lacey interviews that she doesn't know if Danny likes Johanna or Melinda, and thinks he doesn't know which one he will go for. I think he'll go for Melinda, unless having a boyfriend prevents her from reciprocating, in which case Johanna will be his backup.
The roommates head into a club and dance. Nehemiah interviews that he's the only one who can dance. Lacey interviews that she doesn't like to dance, because it's "an excuse for people to rub on each other" and that weirds her out. Heh. She's so right. I like dancing, but not the kind these people are doing. Danny and Melinda grind against each other, as do Wes and Rachel, and then Wes and Johanna. As we see a shot of their crotches grinding together, Melinda says, "I feel that Danny finds me attractive." Hee! Good one, editors. Melinda interviews that Danny might like Johanna too, because she's gorgeous.
Danny and Johanna start grinding. Johanna interviews that she's really drunk. She and Danny start talking, and she grabs his face and starts kissing him. Lacey looks on and laughs. Johanna shushes Danny and turns away. Danny voice-overs that he doesn't know why Jo kissed him, and that he's excited, but he's also still interested in Melinda. Danny stops talking to Jo, and starts talking to Melinda. Johanna sits on the sidelines with Lacey while Melinda and Danny dance. Jo grabs Lacey's hand and pulls her out of the club.
Back at the house, everyone gets into bed. Jo tells Lacey that she can't believe she kissed Danny. Lacey yawns that they were both drunk. Lacey interviews that she thinks Jo is upset because Danny kissed her and then was all over Melinda. Jo says it sucks that now she has to live with Danny for four months. Jo interviews that she regrets kissing Danny, because she doesn't want him to feel weird.
Wes, Danny, and Nehemiah discuss the female roommates. Wes says that he looked in the eyes of one of the girls and felt like getting down on one knee right then and there and proposing. Wes says that it was about Rachel. The guys all go into Rachel's room, where Wes gets down on one knee and proposes, and Rachel turns him down. Wes interviews that the whole thing was a joke, and that he's not interested in Rachel. This whole scene is really weird. Like, what's the point? It's not funny. Maybe it will all become clear later. Danny picks up on Wes's cue and proposes to Melinda. She laughs and turns away from him. I have no idea what that was all about.
The morning, Melinda and Rachel go in and jump on Danny's bed to wake him up. Rachel interviews that she loves her roommates so far.
Johanna calls her friend Lindsey. It appears that they have a video phone, and you can see a blurry person on it, but we don't actually get to see Lindsey. Jo describes her roommates. She says that Lacey is cool and artsy, and that Wes goes to Arizona State. She thinks that she'll be good friends with Nehemiah. She describes Melinda as "really pretty" with "huge boobs." Really? I think they're not that big, and kind of saggy. Which is nice to see, because it means they're real, but she should seriously put on a bra. Jo says that Rachel is "just out there," and that Jo likes it. Jo concludes by mumbling that she made out with Danny. Her friend laughs and laughs.
Melinda walks out of the room. Danny and Nehemiah both watch her walk away and then laugh about how hot she is. Danny says that he falls for girls really hard, and that Melinda seems perfect. And he's seen her butthole! Nehemiah says that the only girl he could maybe see himself hooking up with is Johanna. Danny says that he thinks Melinda is unbelievable, but that she has a boyfriend, and he wants to respect that relationship. Nehemiah says that Melinda is into him, and that it's inevitable that they'll get together eventually.
The whole group of roommates heads out to find food. Danny asks Melinda if she's talked to her boyfriend. She has, and says he was incredibly enthusiastic. Danny says he's acting that way so he doesn't seem like the jealous type. Melinda interviews that her relationship with Jason has been perfect lately. Danny says that Jason wants to come off as perfect now, so that she doesn't pull away.
The roommates arrive at Schlotzky's Deli and get some food. Nehemiah asks Johanna what kind of guys she dates. Jo says she likes smart guys, especially if the guy is smarter than she is. Like, who's going to say, "I like them really dumb. As dumb as possible." Lacey says that her boyfriend is smarter than she is. Nehemiah interviews that Jo seems really nice, and that he thinks he can trust her.
All of the roommates walk home except Jo and Nehemiah. They talk about the roommates. Jo says that she feels the closest to Nehemiah among everyone in the house. She asks who he thinks will fight, and Nehemiah says that Wes seems like the type to get in fights a lot. Jo thinks Danny will want to fight, too. Nehemiah says that now that he's older (and he's the youngest one in the house), he's not into fighting anymore. Jo says that she can mix it up with the best of them. Jo interviews that she's trying to explain to Nehemiah that she needs her guy friends to keep an eye out for her when she's drunk. There are so many things wrong with that. First of all, why just her guy friends? There's a little too much "poor helpless dumb girl" in that statement for my comfort. And then, if it's such a frequent problem that she has to ask people about it a lot, maybe she should stop drinking so much and take some fucking responsibility. I don't know. That statement really hit a nerve with me for some reason. Nehemiah interviews that he felt like he has a duty to protect Jo. Oh, shut up, both of you.
Melinda unloads the dishwasher in her underwear. They're little boxer briefs. Danny comments on how hot she is. Melinda interviews that she hates wearing clothes, and that she walks around in her underwear at home. Okay, but she's not at home. She's in a house with six virtual strangers and a ton of TELEVISION CAMERAS! God! Stop acting like, "Oh, are we being taped? I had no idea. Let me just put on something incredibly skimpy so that my butt cheeks hang out and -- oh, you didn't catch that on camera, did you? You didn't? Wait, let me do it again. I mean, oops! I accidentally did it again." Jesus. Yikes. I just paused on one of Melinda's interviews, and she really looks like Paris Hilton here. I never saw the resemblance until now. Danny points out Melinda in her underwear to Wes. Melinda struts around the apartment and adjusts her underwear, totally conscious of the fact that the guys are staring at her ass. Wes interviews that Melinda will probably hook up with every guy in Austin. Why? Because she runs around in her underwear? Shut up, Wes.
Danny and Wes talk in their incredibly messy bedroom. Wes thinks that Melinda might be a tease and planning to stay faithful to her boyfriend. Or, she might have "a big dramatic breakup with her boyfriend" and have rebound sex with Danny all over the house. Wes is a little too excited about the thought of Danny and Melinda having sex. Does he know that he probably won't get to watch? Danny giggles, and Wes and Danny high-five over how hot Melinda's ass is.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a television movie called Talk to Me starring Ms. Yasmine Bleeth as a naïve talk-show producer who joins the production staff for a Jerry Springer-esque talk show. The Jerry Springer character was played, of course, by Peter Scolari. Because, why not? So anyway, Ms. Yasmine Bleeth got taken under the wing of the senior producer, played by Veronica Hamel with an awesome '80s permed bob. I totally had that hairstyle in eighth grade! So Ms. Yasmine Bleeth needs to come up with her own episode idea, and she decides to follow up on a episode they had done on prostitutes, and investigate the prostitutes' families and find out how they became whores and shit. So the one whore she decides to investigate further is played by Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley fame! And she's all addicted to heroin and has a scuzzy pimp boyfriend and her mom and grandmother want her to get help, but she won't. And Ms. Yasmine Bleeth keeps compromising her principles more and more and finally Jenny Lewis commits suicide and Ms. Yasmine Bleeth blames herself, which she should because it was totally her fault. So Ms. Yasmine Bleeth quits the show, and in the end, she finds out that Peter Scolari has already contacted the mother and grandmother to do a follow-up show, and Ms. Yasmine Bleeth is all disenchanted, like, you work in the entertainment industry, so just give up your ideals and youthful enthusiasm and start smoking a pack a day and become cynical like the rest of us. Which is awesome.
The roommates start drinking and doing shots in preparation for going out. Someone asks Lacey if she wants to do a shot, and she says that she doesn't, and that she's kind of uptight. Rachel nicely says that she thinks Lacey is interesting, not uptight. I'm not crazy about Rachel, but that was nice. Lacey interviews that she's uptight, and that she crosses her arms when she's uncomfortable, which makes people think she's a bitch. Jo interviews that they all want to drink and ease their tension to feel more comfortable with each other. Couldn't they just accept that they won't feel comfortable together on their second night? Nehemiah interviews that he finds Johanna attractive, as he gazes at her soulfully and she does another shot.
Melinda yells to get everyone's attention and comes strutting into the room in a tiny black camisole, her black underwear, and knee-high black leather boots. She jokes that she needs a whip. Lacey interviews that Melinda does a lot of "out-there things," and she kind of stares at her in disbelief. Melinda puts on a black leather cowboy hat, and Wes and Danny start humping her, which is exactly the reaction Melinda was hoping for. Even after she walks out of the room, Danny gapes at her.
Johanna, clearly trying to one-up Melinda, says that she needs to go get ready to go out. Danny tells her that she can't leave, because they're in the middle of a game. Jo asks if they want to follow her with the alcohol while she gets dressed. Johanna interviews that she shouldn't drink hard liquor because it brings out a different side of her.
The roommates head to a bar. Danny and Nehemiah vow to rip it up. Johanna drunkenly tells Danny that she keeps having flashbacks of them making out, and she's wondering if she made it up. Wasn't she just saying, not long ago, that she hoped he would forget about it, so things wouldn't be weird between them? Danny confirms that they did make out, and they hug. Danny interviews that he thinks it was just a drunken kiss, and that he doesn't think Jo has feelings for him.
Lacey interviews that she's drinking a beer while everyone else is doing shots. She is, in fact, sipping a Guinness. Like a grown-up. She adds that she's watching everyone else's eyes get glassy, and steels herself for the tumult to follow. Then there's a lot of footage of everyone shrieking and hugging and kissing and whatnot. Jo interviews that she was feeling down, so she started drinking heavily and everything else is a blur. Johanna gets up on the bar and starts dancing. The funniest part is that no one is really paying attention to her.
Nehemiah interviews that Jo asked him not to let her get drunk, which is SO DUMB! Like, is he supposed to be the shot police? She's dumb for asking that, and he's dumb for agreeing to it. Nehemiah adds that he wanted to give Jo a glass of water and tell her not to drink anymore. Nehemiah heads over with a glass of water, and Johanna starts yelling at him. Nehemiah interviews that Johanna got mad and that he doesn't know why, or if she knows why. Nehemiah gets right in Jo's face and reminds her that she asked him to look after her, so he is, but that if she doesn't want him to, he won't. She refuses to take the water. Nehemiah tries to start walking away, and Jo grabs at his shirt and pulls him back. She keeps grabbing at him and pulling him and he finally grabs her arms to get her to cut it out. Some other patrons walk over and make sure that Nehemiah's not beating her up or something. Johanna starts pushing Nehemiah out of the bar, which doesn't make sense, because a minute ago, she was forcing him to stay. Wes is talking to some bimbo at the bar, who points out the ruckus. Nehemiah actually wriggles out of his t-shirt so that he can escape out the door. Nehemiah interviews that he had to walk away to keep the situation from escalating, and that he's not done with Johanna, but that he doesn't want to be around her when she's drunk anymore.
Danny and Melinda try to talk to a sobbing Johanna to find out what's going on. She can't even get a sentence out because she's so drunk. Melinda interviews that all Jo could say was, "He...he...Nehemiah...he." Danny tries to get some sense out of her, but Jo slobbers, "I don't know why he was trying to fight him." Huh? Danny is confused as well. Jo claims that some guy was trying to fight Nehemiah. So I guess she missed the part where she was clawing at Nehemiah, and somehow thought the other patrons making sure she was okay were trying to fight Nehemiah? I don't know. She doesn't know, so why should I?
Wes voice-overs that all they know is that Nehemiah left the bar in a rage, so he and Danny go out to find him. They run out onto the street and start asking everyone in the area where the black guy went. THE black guy. You know, the one that they have in Austin? Sadly, everyone seems to know who they're talking about. Wes interviews that random people were talking and yelling and getting belligerent.
Suddenly, both Danny and Wes are arguing with random dudes on the street. One guy tells Danny to hit him in the face, and Danny says he doesn't want to fight. Two other guys start shoving Wes around. Some other random tall blond guy holds Danny back as he yells at someone. Wes suggests that they tackle some guy. The tall blond guy keeps trying to hold both Wes and Danny back, but they slip away from him, and a fight breaks out in the street. Some dude jumps Danny from behind and pulls him down to the ground, and then runs away. Another random guy jumps on Danny and punches him in the face. On camera. Good one. Danny just lies on the ground, clutching his head.
Rachel runs up to Danny and helps him up and then, because he seems confused, keeps telling him who she is. The cops are there, and they want to talk to Danny. The girls keep assuring the cops that they're just going to take Danny home, and the cops let them go. Wes wonders where Nehemiah is. Wes interviews that it was all a stupid fight over nothing.
Wes checks out Danny's eye and says that he got hit pretty good. Danny clutches his eye and says that the guy just came out of nowhere. Danny interviews that they were drunk and rowdy, but that nobody deserves to get hit in the side of the face like that. The boys arrive home.
In the house, they find Nehemiah. Danny immediately blames Nehemiah for his injury. Nehemiah tries to explain, but Wes and Danny just keep saying that they got in a fight defending Nehemiah. Who wasn't in a fight with anyone but Johanna. Wes says that they almost got arrested because they were looking for Nehemiah. How is this his fault? Nehemiah tries to explain, but they won't let him talk. Danny comes out of the bathroom and yells at Nehemiah some more. Nehemiah finally says that he didn't fight any men in the club, and that he left because he was fighting with Johanna. Just when it seems that Wes might understand, the girls arrive home all screechy. Rachel is worried that Nehemiah got hit, but he says he's fine.
Danny lies in his bed with ice on his eye. Nehemiah goes in and tries again to explain what happened. Danny takes his hand away from his face for a second, and the whole side of his eye socket is just caved in. GROSS! Nehemiah interviews that he knows Danny can't understand the situation right now, and that he's sober, so he's planning on letting Danny vent his anger, and then explain what really happened later.
Nehemiah leaves, and Melinda crawls into bed with Danny and asks if he wants some aspirin. Melinda interviews that she's never seen someone hurt that badly. She leaves to go get some aspirin. Melinda interviews that it's scary that someone could hurt someone else like that with no consequences.
Now it's Rachel's turn to jump into bed with Danny. She reminds him that she's a nurse, and asks to see his eye. Lacey comes in and tries to help. Danny complains that it hurts, and when Rachel tries to pry his eye open to see it better, he yells at her. Rachel decides that they need to go to the hospital.
A taxi arrives, and Danny, Wes, Lacey, Rachel, and Melinda hop in. Danny can't even hold his head up. Rachel interviews that she can't believe this is happening on their second night, but that she feels like she can handle it due to her army experience.
Johanna asks to talk to Nehemiah. Jo interviews that she's not going to apologize because she doesn't think she did anything wrong, but that she does want to talk about it. Johanna starts to relate her version of events, which include some guy trying to fight Nehemiah. He corrects her, saying that it was all about her being drunk and out of control. Jo says that Nehemiah should have stopped her, and he says that he tried. Johanna apologizes and offers to fix his necklace, which she broke, and then she gets mad at him when he's not immediately her best friend again. Nehemiah says it's not about her being drunk. It's that she asked him for help, and when he tried to help, she immediately fought him. Nehemiah interviews that one incident can change things, and that he thought he would be close with Johanna until she disrespected him. Stay away from her, Nehemiah. Bitch crazy.
A doctor examines Danny's eye as Rachel sits nearby, listening. The doctor says that Danny has "a pretty severe fracture" and shows Danny on a model skull what happened to his eye socket. Basically, the outside of his eye socket fractured and rotated inward. The doctor keeps talking about how serious it is, and says that it can lead to loss of vision or infection. Danny asks if his eye will ever be normal, and the doctor says that it will, but that it will require surgery. That doctor was kind of harsh.