Previously on The Real World: Frankie told her boyfriend Dave that she got drunk and blacked out, and he said he thought they should break up. Brad and Cameran speculated that Randy and Robin were going to hook up.
Randy and Robin get into bed together. Robin interviews that she and Randy "have a connection" (shouldn't that be "shared a connection"?), but that it "hasn't crossed that boundary into something intimate." In another room, Jacquese and Cameran discuss whether Randy and Robin have fooled around. Cameran says that Robin claims nothing has happened, but Jacquese isn't buying it. Jacquese interviews that Robin is always sleeping in his and Randy's room. Jacquese tells Cameran that he heard some sounds coming from Randy's bed the other night, and repeats them for her. I never needed to hear Jacquese making sexual moaning noises, that's for sure. Randy interviews that he and Robin have an understanding, because they both "need a certain kind of attention from the opposite sex." That means manual stimulation, but no penetration. Randy adds that Robin knows that he's not looking for a relationship, and he hopes that things don't get confused. Yeah, because that has always been successful in the history of the human race. You keep dreaming, Randy.
Aaaah! A big boat! Look out, Frankie! Frankie calls her mom and asks if her mom would be upset if Frankie came home. Frankie's mom thinks that Frankie is just talking about a visit, but Frankie is talking about coming home for good, because she doesn't know why she's in San Diego. To bring the drama! Obviously. Frankie's mom points out that it's only four months, and that coming home won't necessarily fix things with Dave. Frankie interviews that Dave has said that they're split up, and that she can't change that. Frankie yelps that her life was fine before she left, and that she screwed it up by coming to San Diego. Frankie's mom tries to reassure her, but Frankie says that Dave thinks she cheated on him, and that wouldn't have happened if she had stayed home. Frankie's mom says that Frankie would have forever regretted staying home. Word, Frankie's mom. And arranging your life around some guy who makes you miserable is a great way to live, by the way. Frankie starts yelling at her mom in a bitchy way, asking her to point out the positives. Instead of telling her to call back when she can discuss this like a grown-up, Frankie's mom says that things could turn around in a day or a week. Frankie insists that isn't going to happen. Man, she's like a twelve-year-old complaining that the girls at school all hate her, when week, they will all join forces and hate someone else. Frankie interviews that hanging out with her roommates is driving her crazy, because they don't share "the same hanging-out mentality." Her roommates don't like to get drunk and paw each other? That's not what I've seen. Frankie's mom says that Frankie has the resources to solve this, and that she's smart, and knows herself. Frankie sighs heavily. She needs to pull a Rachel fromBack to New York and find her own friends outside the house.
Frankie goes into the bathroom to talk to Cameran while she showers. Cameran tells Frankie about the club they're going to, and urges Frankie to come along. Cameran interviews that she doesn't know what's going on with Frankie and Dave, and that Frankie seems depressed and upset. Cameran tells Frankie not to sit around and feel sorry for herself.
The roommates all get ready to go out. Cameran curls Brad's lashes for him. Interesting. Robin interviews that they all decided to go out and have a few drinks to recover from Brad and Robin's "ordeal." Which was largely caused by the roommates' deciding to go out and have a few drinks. Good one. Cameran is shocked to see that Frankie is getting ready to go out, too. Frankie interviews that she's not going to sit home while everyone else goes out, and that she's decided to "live [her] life and do [her] thing." And her thing is getting drunk and groping various men! And she's going to do it! As long as there aren't any big boats around.
Robin yells at Randy to hurry up in the shower. Randy is totally drinking a beer in the shower, which a friend of mine used to do in college, but which I never understood. Randy yells that there's "a free nozzle." I'll bet there is. (I don't even know what that means.) Robin interviews that Randy is hot, and that she finds him attractive.
The roommates head out to a bar. Robin is wearing a pink camisole top (enough with those!) and a pink newsboy cap. I don't think that's a good look on anyone, but I also think that Robin is about six years too old for it. Randy and Robin dance together. Frankie spots a guy named Adam, and decides to talk to him. Her bra strap is also hanging around her elbow. Classy! Frankie interviews that Adam is attractive, and that she likes the inch gauges he has in his ears. Look, I'm all for the freedom to do what you want with your body, but that is gross. He has one-inch circles inserted in his earlobes. You could pass a quarter through there. Do you have to have plastic surgery to repair that when you grow up? Please don't email me with the answer. I don't want to know. Frankie interviews that Adam is respectful, and that he's not trying to grope her like a lot of the other guys she and her female roommates have met. Frankie hangs out with Adam in some other room, and voice-overs that it's nice to have someone she can connect with.
Randy dances with some chick. They whisper in each other's ears. Robin watches the whole thing from across the room. Jamie interviews that Robin has a huge crush on Randy, and that after a few tequila shots, Robin gets jealous when Randy talks to other girls. Robin deals with her problem by doing another shot. Great idea! Jamie interviews that it's obvious Robin wants Randy all to herself. Brad interviews that Randy was talking to another girl, and that he wasn't even interested in or attracted to her, and that Robin ran up and asked what was going on. Robin tells Randy that he's an ass, and pulls him outside. Randy interviews that he got pulled out of the club before closing. Before closing? That bitch! Frankie helps Robin to stumble down the sidewalk, and Randy walks behind them. Randy interviews that, on the street, Robin started yelling at him about her feelings and how he was a bad person. Robin tells Randy not to talk to her and yells, "Fuck you!" Cameran tries to pull Robin down the street as Brad guffaws behind Robin's back.
In the car, Robin keeps mumbling about Randy and how she gave him her heart. Brad yells in her ear that Randy is a good man, and that she has to respect that. Randy interviews that he's floored at how Robin is dealing with the situation. Robin tells Randy again to fuck off. Brad tries to defend Randy, but Robin isn't having it. Brad interviews that Robin needs to start thinking about what she's saying, because some words hurt. Why do I feel like that quote was pulled from the episode where Robin used the "n" word? Robin says that she gave Randy her heart, and she hopes he fucking dies. Brad is more upset than Randy, I think. Randy yells at Robin for putting him "on blast." Frankie, driving, seems way too happy about the drama. Randy tells Robin to fuck that shit, because he'll do anything for her. He reminds her that he was the one there when she got arrested. Robin tells both Randy and Brad to fuck off. Randy details all the times that he's been there for her, including the time he took a cab to pick her up from jail. Robin says that everyone knows how much she cares about Randy. Brad protests that he didn't know. Hee! Brad. Robin starts crying. Randy says he'll do anything it takes to make Robin feel better. Cameran hugs Robin, and Randy yells some more. Jamie's in the back seat, looking like she's about to puke. Can you blame her? And it's nice how Frankie was talking about how she couldn't bear to stay home alone, when it seems that Jacquese was at the house, too.
Robin pouts into bed. The guys hang out on the deck. Brad can't believe that two nights of spooning led to this. Jacquese thinks there must have been more than spooning going on. Randy denies it, and Jacquese suggests that Bazooka Joe has something to do with it. Jacquese interviews that he thinks that Robin wants a relationship and Randy doesn't, because Robin is so emotional now, it would only be worse if they were together. On the one hand, oh, women and their emotions. So irrational! On the other hand, Robin has no right or reason to be as upset as she is.
Frankie walks outside and falls down laughing to get the guys' attention. They ask what's up, and she says that Robin is running around naked. The guys all decide that they have to check it out. Frankie points out Robin in the shower. Apparently, she's peeing in there. Ew! Jacquese thinks that she looks like "a girl in an R. Kelly tape." I'll have to take his word for it. Brad and Jacquese find this hilarious. Jacquese interviews that Robin was peeing in the shower, and then she ran through the house naked (except she had a shirt on, so she wasn't really naked) and hopped into Randy's bed. Outside, Jacquese laughs that Robin hopped into Randy's bed soaking wet, and asks Randy where he's going to sleep. Randy says he's not too psyched about the situation. Jacquese interviews that Robin must think that if Randy sees her naked, he won't be able to resist her. The guys look at Robin's sleeping form. Jacquese interviews that Randy won't kick Robin out because he's "too nice." Also, in every shot since they got home, Brad is eating a big hunk of something. He must have a great metabolism. Jacquese and Brad find Randy sleeping in Cameran's bed, and laugh. Jacquese interviews that Randy is playing it smart, because Cameran's on the love sac. Which I now know is the correct name for the giant beanbag, but it doesn't mean that I would call it that if I owned one. Gross! Randy says he's not sleeping with "the girl who just took the long piss in the shower." Brad says that Robin is wet in his bed with no panties. Randy interviews that he figures nothing has been settled, and he'll have to deal with Robin in the morning.
The morning, Randy's bed is empty. Robin apparently returned to her own bed at some point. Robin asks Frankie, "So I got in a fight with Randy?" Frankie says she did. Robin asks if this was before or after she decided to take her clothes off. Frankie says it was before. Robin chuckles. Frankie interviews that she doesn't think Randy and Robin will ever have a relationship, and that if Robin weren't a drama queen, she would know that. What? Did Frankie just call someone else a drama queen? Okay, Robin is totally a drama queen. But so is Frankie! Robin says that this shit doesn't happen at home.
Brad and Jacquese ask Randy what he's going to do. Randy says he won't put himself in that position again. Jacquese doesn't think it matters, because now that he's turned Robin down, she will want him even more. Oh, for crying out loud. Shut up, Jacquese. Just because you live with ridiculous, stupid women doesn't mean we're all like that. Dawg. Brad thinks it will be "a jump-in-the-bed attack." Jacquese says that Randy turned down "the oral attack" (and I think he means Robin's words, not...you know) so Robin decides to see if he was "weak for the flesh." Jacquese interviews that Randy is doing the right thing. Jacquese advises Randy not to be weak to the flesh. Randy says that's easier said than done. Brad concludes that Randy has won the battle, but not the war, and suddenly the military drum cadence that's been playing in the background for the whole scene makes a lot more sense.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. I watched one of my favorite movies. When did I decide that Mommie Dearest might be the most awesome movie ever made? Was it during the opening scene when Joan Crawford plunges her face into a bowl of ice? Was it in the aftermath of the infamous "wire hanger" scene when Joan forces little Christina to scrub the bathroom floor in the middle of the night? Was it right after that, when Christina's brother Christopher offers to help her clean up and she tells him to strap himself back into bed? Was it the strangely titillating scene when Christina makes out with a boy in a stable? Was it when Christina yells, "Because I am NOT one of your FANS!" and then Joan tries to strangle her and the magazine reporter discovers them? Was it when I was wondering what exactly was the deal between Joan and her assistant, Carol Ann, who totally had battered-wife syndrome? Was it when Joan told the Pepsi Board of Directors, "Don't fuck with me, fellas! It's not my first time at the rodeo," which I am totally making into my new catchphrase? Although all of those moments (and more) were awesome, I think I realized it in the closing moments of the film, after Joan Crawford has died, and Christina and Christopher gather for the reading of her will. Joan leaves her two children nothing, and says that they know why she did it. Grown-up Christopher (played by a really young Xander Berkeley!) chuckles ruefully and says that Joan always has the last word. And Christina turns to the camera and dramatically says, "Does she? [twenty minute pause] Does she?" Because then Christina went on to write the tell-all book upon which the film was based. And it was awesome.
Suddenly, it's later that night. Did Brad and Robin ever talk? Wouldn't it have been interesting to see if they spoke at all, or just ignored each other? Too bad. Frankie calls Adam and tells him they're getting ready to go out. I think if I were on this show (which will never happen, and not just because I'm way too old), and single (ditto), I would only date people who refused to sign the release. That way, you could at least hope that they were in it for you, and not the cameras. Although you would have to kiss a blurface all the time. It's a small price to pay. Frankie interviews that they are going to see some '80s metal cover band. Cameran asks if everyone is going out. Randy says that he and Jacquese aren't going. Cameran hopes she can get in. Jamie interviews that they've been warned that the area bars are strict about fake IDs. The nerve! Randy is suddenly going, and he says that if the youngsters don't get in, anyone who is cool will go somewhere else with them.
The roommates wait in a long line to get into the club. Frankie is hanging with Adam. Cameran answers some questions from the bouncer. She would look a lot older if she didn't wear that stupid sideways trucker hat and stopped chomping her gum. Randy interviews that he has a bad feeling, because the bouncers are being strict. The bouncer says that they don't believe the IDs, and are confiscating them, and offers to let them have the police deal with it. Cameran and Jamie look at each other and laugh. Cameran interviews that she and Jamie both lost their IDs. Cameran dances down the street and sings that the bouncer took her ID. Wow, that's a good way to ensure that no bar on that street ever lets you in again. Like the camera crews following her around didn't make her conspicuous enough.
Jamie and Cameran hop into a cab. Robin wants to stay, but Randy says he's going to leave. Cameran urges Randy to stay at the bar. Robin interviews that Cameran and Jamie told them to go in, and that Randy still refused, so Robin took it personally. Randy tries to get into the cab, and Robin starts swearing at him. Randy interviews that Robin is always throwing harsh words at him, and that everything he does pisses her off. Randy tells Robin to go hang out with Frankie, and Robin says that she wanted to hang out with him. Robin interviews that she wonders what she did, because it must be about her. Man, talk about self-centered. Robin takes off, looking for Frankie. Cameran and Randy watch Robin get back in line and start hanging on some guy. Jamie disgustedly tells everyone to get in the cab so that they can leave. Randy interviews that Robin makes it out like he's choosing the youngsters over her, but that it's about "principles." Yes, Randy is making a stand for the right of the underaged to...break the law?
Frankie and Adam hang out in the club. Frankie interviews that she and Adam share "a playful connection," and that it's nice to hang out with someone who gets her. She adds that he's the type of guy she would typically be attracted to. Frankie tries to convince Adam to come back to the house and hang out. Did it ever occur to Frankie, if she wants friends so badly, to try talking to other women? Frankie and Adam share a hug. Frankie interviews that she's happy to have someone to talk to. Again, try a chick. I mean, I have guy friends, and I'm all for that, but Frankie obviously wants to be more than friends with this guy, and given her drunken proclivities, maybe she'd be better off with a female friend. Then again, given her making out with Robin, maybe not.
The roommates, minus Robin and Frankie, hang out on the deck. Jacquese tells Randy that it's a Catch-22. Randy says he needs female companionship. Jacquese agrees. Randy slurs that he wants a normal woman. Jacquese says that Randy doesn't want someone who swears at him all the time. Jamie interviews that Randy liked Robin when she was "nice and kosher," but that as he got to know her, he didn't like what he saw.
Robin and Frankie come home with Adam and some other dude. Randy sneaks into the house. Robin walks off on her own, and Frankie takes the guys out onto the deck. Brad, Cameran, and Jamie go looking for Randy and find him in his bed. Cameran laughs at Randy, who claims he's just trying to sleep.
Adam asks Frankie if she had fun tonight. Frankie says she did. Adam asks what she's going to do when she leaves the house. Frankie says it depends on her sister and her boyfriend, and adds that her boyfriend has already said he wants to break up. Adam thinks that sucks. Frankie interviews that if Adam and Dave met, she would be honest about her feelings for both of them. Frankie digs for a compliment by relaying how Dave told her that he hoped everyone thought she was ugly. I think Frankie likes that Dave treats her badly, so that she can tell everyone else how terrible he is, and that she thinks she looks like a martyr and he looks like an ass. In reality, they both look like asses. Adam falls for it, and says that if Frankie's considered ugly in her hometown, then he needs to move there. Which isn't what she said, but is obviously the response she wanted.
Frankie walks the guys out. Frankie interviews that there are certain people you click with. Frankie thanks Adam for coming over, and says she's happy to finally meet someone who's not a tool. Frankie interviews that she and Adam have "a growing friendship." Frankie hugs Adam good night, and shakes hands with the other dude as she voice-overs that Adam is "a neat person," and that she's glad they met.
Randy is still "sleeping" in his bed. Robin runs in, and happily asks if he's not talking to her. Randy says he just wants to sleep. Randy interviews that he's trying to establish his independence, because he doesn't want to cuddle every night. I think I liked this plotline better when Randy was named Colin and Robin was named Amaya. If Robin asks Randy to kiss her bunny, I'm going to puke. Robin asks if Randy wants her to leave. Randy says he didn't say that, and that he thought they had an understanding. Dude, just be honest with her. But maybe wait until you're both sober. Robin tries to vault over Randy to get into bed, but she goes flying into the wall and lands on the floor. Awesome. Cameran or someone laughs. Robin asks if she's sleeping in Randy's bed. Randy asks what that would solve. Robin tells him to fuck off, adding that she hopes he dies, as she scampers out of the room. Randy interviews that it's hard for him to be tough, but that he thinks it's the best way to deal with it. He hopes it will prevent a big blow-out in the end. Man, Randy really does live in a dream world.
Cameran and Robin go out to eat and discuss Randy. Robin says she thinks he's cute. Cameran sort of agrees, but says that she's not attracted to him. Robin says that it's partly the talks that they've had, but that she is attracted to Randy. Robin interviews that she still finds Randy attractive, but that the moment has passed. Robin says that if Randy wants to talk, he can find her. Cameran interviews that Robin might start backing away from Randy, which would be a good thing. Robin interviews that she was hoping for something that just wasn't there. Robin says that she was stupid, and then voice-overs that Randy is a big goof, and wonders why she ever had a crush on him.
week: Adam and Frankie grind and make out. Brad and Cameran flirt.