Previously, on The Real World, Justin told Tetanus Girl, "We've got to have some fun. There are ways of having fun that are cool." Then he said that Annoying makes him sick (join the club) and "the bitch is going down." , he told Colin that Annoying is fucked in the head. Colin said he was having second thoughts about Amaya because he talked to some other people about their relationship. Annoying said, "Who?" Cut to shot of Justin laughing evilly and roll credits. Why didn't the editors have him twirl his mustache and kick a dog while they were at it?
Annoying is talking to her friend Pam on the phone, and is relating what happened in India. Annoying says that Colin just suddenly started being mean to her. Meanwhile, Colin eavesdrops on the conversation. Annoying then says that she is going to Kauai with Colin. Pam and I say, "What? You just got done telling us how mean he was to you and now you're going on vacation together?" Annoying says she already paid her $100 so she's going to go. Then she says she's going to have a chat with someone. I don't know why she can't say she's going to have a chat with Colin. Why is it a secret? In addition, when she says, "chat," she scrunches up her face in this grating way she totally would not have done if the cameras weren't there.
Annoying and Colin are having their "chat" out on the wall. Annoying says she doesn't understand where Colin got his attitude during their trip. Colin suddenly figures out what happened, and tells her that Justin and Tet Girl told him that Annoying is too dependent on him. Also, if he weren't in her life, she'd be acting the same way toward whatever guy was available. I find that to be an accurate assessment, and it's pretty much what I've been saying all along. Regardless, Annoying is stunned! She says that Justin told her she is better than Colin is and that she should be more independent. Colin says, "Unlike me, you probably let that stuff affect you." He totally let it affect him! I really hope he's kidding. It was hard to tell. Colin goes on to say, "I don't give a [bleep] what he says," which is patently untrue. In a confessional, Colin wonders, "Why would Justin want to create fights in paradise?"
Okay, I have this to say about that whole exchange. First, I don't think Colin and Annoying are smart enough to figure that out on their own. These people couldn't figure out how to start a gas grill. As far as we know, when they had their "chat," Colin had not yet talked to Tet Girl about Justin. So why did Colin suddenly reconsider and decide to divulge what really happened? My theory is that someone on the production staff showed the tapes to Colin to stir up a storyline, since after Ruthie's departure things got a little dull. Supporting this theory is the fact that Colin and Annoying were giggling throughout their conversation. If they were as upset as they claimed to be, would they be laughing? Also, it seemed really staged when Annoying set up the premise as they sat down. Of course, to me she always sounds like she's reading from a script, so who knows?
Justin talks to his mom on the phone about someone getting chemotherapy, and then he tells us that he's worried about some family members who are sick.
Colin and Tet Girl walk down the street. Colin says, "Justin's trying to pit [sic] certain conflicts in the house." He tells Tet Girl that he assumes she's genuine (ha!) or for all he knows, she could also be fake. Tet Girl says, inexplicably, "You don't have to disclaim [sic] it, because you're right." What does that even mean? Anyway, in that confessional they have used a million times, where she's wearing the gigantic dangling bindi and the red shirt, Tet Girl tells us that she "wanted to let it play out, but there were moments when it was over the top", referring to Justin's evil plan, I guess. Back at home, Tet Girl once again babbles senselessly: "My biggest thing was not so much me but watching him hurt other people, even if those people, like, I personally don't like or whatever, but he was like 'Come on, come on, help me, help me' and I was like, 'Nuh-uh...that's [bleeped] up." Let me just say that I have no idea how to punctuate that sentence so I'm going to ask Wing Chun to just put a big ol' [sic] in there and be done with it. Let me translate from Kaia-speak: she's saying that although Justin was hurting people she didn't like, she did not want to participate. The problem with this statement is that she never told Justin that she wasn't interested. Instead, she just played along as if she agreed with his actions, and then disavowed him afterwards. Because she sucks. Tet Girl goes on to say that Justin is not emotionally involved with anyone in the house, and that it's all for his pleasure and he's bored. Then, for some unknown reason, they show a clip of Justin with brown hair, sitting in the hot tub. Huh?
To the sounds of the Bass Line of Foreboding, we enter the confessional room (and the producers conveniently label it as such), where Colin and Annoying have gone to talk about Justin. I realize that this entire episode consists of the housemates talking behind each other's backs. Anyway, because this whole segment takes place in the confessional room, it has bad lighting and camera work, and resembles nothing more than a bad cable access show. Annoying says that Justin is crazy. Colin is speaking very overdramatically, and again, I am thinking this whole thing is scripted. Maybe it's the lighting. Anyway, Colin says that he talked to Tet Girl and found out that Justin wanted to instigate fights and prey on people's insecurities. He goes on to say that Justin's been thinking about leaving because there's nothing "worthwhile" at the house (and yes, he makes the finger quotation mark gesture). Annoying begins, "Kaia, like, loves him..." and Colin yells out, "No!" and then says that Kaia realized that Justin wanted her to be his spokesperson (Colin says "platform" but I don't think that makes sense) and Kaia was like "No! That's not okay." Colin goes on to say that Justin's goal was to have Kaia talk shit and create conflict. Well, we know that Kaia did not, in fact, ever tell Justin that she didn't want to be involved, but obviously that's not what she told Colin. Also, Colin acted like he was trying out for A Streetcar Named Desire or something. I'm surprised he didn't rip off his T-shirt and start yelling, "Stella!"
In an interview, Annoying yells, "How dare somebody manipulate us and make yourself [sic] look good and the rest of us look like schmucks?" The funny thing about it is, she just described what the producers of the show do every week.
Back on cable access, Annoying rubs her hands together and says, "I will get him. He's going down in a very subtle manner and it will surprise him." First, I refuse to believe that Annoying is capable of subtlety on any level. Second, the fact that she mirrored Justin's phrase from last episode further convinces me that she was shown that tape. It's a conspiracy, y'all. Anyway, Colin shows some sense when he says, "It's not worth it for him to be here unless things are going on, so just act normal and hope he leaves." Or the producers told him to say that. One or the other. As we got to commercial, we are left with the chilling sight of Annoying saying to the camera, "He will be very upset that he ever messed with any of us." Ooh, scary. I was referring to her eyeshadow though, not her threat.
As we return from commercial, we get a gratuitous shot of someone's butt crack while he's riding a bike. Gee, thanks. Annoying is whining about how heavy her bag is as she enters the airport. She tells us she's going to Kauai with Colin (in case we developed amnesia since she told us the first time, ten minutes ago). As Colin goes through some doors about a mile ahead of her, she yells out, "You know what would be sweet, is if you waited for me." To whom, exactly, is she talking? He can't hear her.
Colin says that it is good to get away from the house and their housemates, and to show himself that he can get along with Annoying. He doesn't want this trip to be romantic; instead, he wants it to start their friendship off on the right foot. As he is saying this, they land and get off the plane.
The dastardly duo has stopped on the side of the road, apparently to take a hike. Annoying points out that her name should be Bianca because she is carrying a purse on the hike. I don't really get that, but whatever. She is also wearing platform sandals and they are hurting her feet, yet instead of taking them off and walking barefoot, she soldiers on while Colin laughs at her. She observes that she's walking like a little old lady with a poop in her pants, and Colin laughs some more, because poop is funny.
Justin talks to Tet Girl in the van, and it's a very awkward conversation because she is pretty much ignoring him. In a voice-over, she tells us that they have come to a "halting point" in their relationship. In a confessional, Justin tells us that he doesn't seek out anyone's company in the house, except possibly Kaia's. Back in the van, Justin asks her out for coffee and she says she needs to stay in and do some thinking and some writing. Oh dear God, no! Please tell me she isn't preparing for another open-mike poetry reading! In a confessional, Tet Girl tells us that she needed to step away from Justin.
Justin talks to Teck (in Teck's first appearance this week) and says that he hopes Tet Girl is OK because she was acting kind of strange earlier. In a confessional, Teck says that in India, Kaia spent a lot of time with Justin and found out some things she might not have liked. You think? Because they haven't quite hammered this point home enough for my taste. What I really need is for Kaia to say they have reached a halting point. Oh wait, she just did. Anyway, Teck tells Justin that maybe Tet Girl wanted some privacy, and that she's "doing a Justin." He cracks himself up with that one, but Justin is not laughing.
In Kauai, Annoying writes in her journal and Colin reads it aloud as they sit on the beach. I swear, Annoying dots her I's with little hearts. Anyway, Colin pretends to read, "I never thought I would have this ongoing crush on Colin" and then says, "I can't believe you wrote all that!" Annoying says, "I also wrote 'I can't believe that Colin came out of the closet to me last night. I can't believe he's gay.'" Colin says, "Not many people can." That Amaya should be a stand-up comedian. She says, "It's so pretty here" and Colin says, "You're so pretty" and she replies, "Don't say things you don't mean" and then I think they are going to kiss, but of course they have both said like a million times that this is not a romantic trip. I still think they slept together though. Just not in a romantic way.
Justin says he keeps trying to work around Tet Girl's schedule and find a moment together. To illustrate this point, the editors choose a video clip of Justin sitting on the wall and then Tet Girl walks into the yard with three guys and says, "There's the ocean" in case they missed it, but ignores Justin, who slips over the side of the wall and runs away. The only problem is that in this clip, Justin had brown hair and thus it was clearly from earlier in the season. Maybe they should pay the person who used to blur the nudity to digitally correct Justin's hair color in such situations. I mean, that person hasn't been too busy lately.
Colin and Annoying return from Kauai. In a pointless scene, Colin and Tet Girl talk about how positive and happy they feel in the house these days.
Colin and Annoying are in the yard, arguing over who should sit in the hammock. Justin comes out and asks if they've seen Tet Girl and they say no. Frankly, if he had not already decided to leave, I'm sure the irritation of those two wrestling in the hammock would have pushed him over the edge. The only thing that kept me from turning off the tape in disgust was the captioning saying "Amaya squeals" and I pictured her as a little pig and then I was able to go on.
Wonder Bread makes his first appearance of the episode (and he's wearing THAT SHIRT!) as Justin wanders in and asks if he's seen Tet Girl. Anyway, WB points out that Justin has distanced himself and when he returns, he returns to cruelty and cold shoulders.
Justin is on the phone with his mom again, and he finds out that his great-aunt has pancreatic cancer, and that she is dying quickly. He cries in a confessional as he talks about his great-aunt, and what a special person she was. He reveals that he and Tet Girl had brainstormed ways for him to leave the house and that now he's ashamed that he has to leave the house due to family illness -- it's ironic given that he wanted to make such a big bang.
Justin tells WB that he is leaving on Friday (which must be soon, as WB is shocked). Justin stresses that he wants to spend time with Tet Girl and WB before he leaves. I don't really get why, since he was never really friends with WB at all, but whatever. WB acts mad that Justin is leaving.
Justin packs. WB continues his trend of not being able to keep a secret, and tells Colin that Justin is leaving. Justin enters the kitchen to throw something out, and as he leaves, Colin makes a remark about "musical chairs of roommates" [sic] and Justin turns around and asks WB if he told Colin. WB says that he did, and Justin says he kind of wanted to tell everyone himself. Colin asks why Justin is leaving, and he says that four of his family members are sick. Annoying totally eavesdrops on the conversation while pretending to do needlepoint. In a confessional, Justin tells us that a big part of him wants to see this through and a big part of him loves Hawaii, but another part of him doesn't feel right about being there anymore. Insert your own big part joke here.
Annoying says that if there are people in the hospital, then that's terrible, but if it's not true, then that's shady because it's an easy ticket out of there. I'm thinking, aren't they all free to leave whenever they choose? I mean, sure, that means they don't get their handsome reward or whatever, but it's not like they're shackled to the lounge chairs. As Justin continues packing, he and Colin joke that Colin can have the bottom bunk now.
Justin and WB, in a completely unforeseeable twist, go out to lunch. Justin says he had a long talk about Tet Girl with Colin. (Remember earlier when I said this whole episode consisted of various castmates talking about other castmates? I wasn't kidding). WB observes that it sounds like Justin is saying that Tet Girl told Colin lies, and Justin replies that he feels exploited, and used, and that his trust has been broken by the one person he invested time in during his tenure in Hawaii, and that he doesn't want to talk to her before he leaves, and he doesn't know if he'll keep in touch. Of course, I heard that Justin and Kaia were spotted at opening night of The Blair Witch Project in NYC together, but that's just a rumor. Meanwhile, WB is dressed all in black and yet, he wears white socks. With black sneakers.
Colin says goodbye to Justin in their room, and says that he knows how hard it is when people are sick, and that he would leave too under similar circumstances, and he wishes Justin luck. That was kind of nice.
In a voice-over, Colin tells us that he doesn't know who is lying, Justin or Tet Girl, and that they probably both are to some extent. But, it is good to have both sides of the argument so he doesn't look at one of them as evil and the other as a saint, since he realizes they're both screwed up.
Tet Girl comes into Justin's room and asks if he is leaving today, and he says that he is, and she's all shocked. This week, people are either talking behind others' backs, or they're shocked. Sometimes both at the same time. Tet Girl begins to question Justin as to exactly who is dying, and when they will die, and I want Justin to say, "What am I? The Grim Reaper?" but he doesn't. Instead, he says that for her to second guess him is damning in his book because she knows him better than anyone and she knows firsthand what that kind of loss is about. Tet Girl gives Justin some pictures and a note and he kind of glances at them and then sticks them on a shelf in his closet. She grabs them and sticks them in his bag. This whole scene was very weirdly edited -- first Justin would be wearing a hat, then not. Glasses, no glasses. What's that about? In a confessional, Tet Girl tells us that she can only offer so much friendship, and based on her actions this episode, that amount is none.
Justin looks out at the ocean and says that he doesn't say goodbyes, and instead dips in and out, and that he is leaving on a note of being mystified by the house. I find it strange that whenever someone on the show wants to refer to "the project," he or she always says the house, as if the house is a sentient being. Just thought I would point that out.
Justin walks through the house and in each room we see a flashback from earlier this season: Justin holding Ruthie up in the shower, Tet Girl showing him a picture of her dad in a locket, Teck asking him if he's gay the second he walked in the door, his fight with WB over "heterocentricity". For some reason, these memories are in black and white. Ooh, arty. Justin's final speech is this: "I feel like I have been pretty honest because I'm not afraid to show the nastier sides, the smaller sides, because in the end I like myself. I never said I wasn't a work in progress." Then they show the scene from the first episode where Tet Girl tells him he just got there and he is already aching to get out, and he gets in a cab and does just that. Moreover, while I am sad that Justin is leaving the show, because he is still my favorite, I have to wonder why no one would give him a damn ride to the airport.
week: Annoying wants to move into Colin's room, WB says that Colin makes fun of her all the time and she announces that she is not going to be a doormat anymore. I wish I could believe that.
Over the credits, we are treated to Colin and Annoying arguing about who gives good massages. I swear, if the rest of the season is about their "relationship," I am going to slit my wrists.